--:-- Marcus Parks: Welcome to Last Update on the Left, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming out here today.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.
--:-- Marcus Parks: I'm Marcus Parks. With me is Henry Zebrowski.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Sure.
--:-- Marcus Parks: And put your hands together for Ed Larson, ladies and gentlemen. Please. How you doing? Please. What's going on? My boy.
--:-- Ed Larson: [Greets the audience]
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, this is the first time we've ever done, because we are just going to do our podcast in front of all of you, which sort of feels like I'm taking a shit and you're all watching. But I do think that this one's going to be good. I think this is going to be fantastic. I think this is going to be really good. Welcome to Last Update on the Left. This is our first, like, you know, we're going back through old topics. We did a couple of these. We did a little touch of JonBenet Ramsey. That's a bad way to phrase it. But we touched upon JonBenet Ramsey this week on the show. And I've got to tell you what, I think she's going to be all right. Did y'all hear the episode today?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, if you want to hear something real funny is that we record these a little bit in advance. And on Monday, we recorded an episode and we were right in the middle of it. And we're like talking about this guy. We're like, watch this motherfucker die this week. Watch him die the second we hit publish. We fucking O.J. Simpson dead today. It took us to do this. You know, he's doing great in heaven. Him and Nicole Brown are enjoying themselves. Having a reunited...
--:-- Marcus Parks: Is this hard? Is it hard to start like that? Well, the update that we're going to do for all of you today is an old, I guess, potpourri episode. It's got cryptids. It's got UFOs. It's got murder. It's the Bridgewater Triangle.
--:-- Marcus Parks: The first ever American-based haunted triangle that's not in Alaska. But Alaska is now new. Alaska's a new triangle. Bridgewater Triangle is the old triangle from 1983. Isn't that weird? It was born in 1983. It's been haunted for centuries.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, it's been fucked up forever. But then the guys didn't gather. Is it haunted unless a bunch of people get together and say it's haunted? Especially with a Tauntaun-based accent. Tauntaun, Massachusetts. Which I already can hear the fucking furious Massachusetts-based emails for all of their weird counties and cities, and all of the names don't make any sense, and they are never read as they are spelled.
--:-- Marcus Parks: I thought that we got in trouble last time for calling it Taunton, or that we called it Taunton, and it was supposed to be called Taunton.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: It's Taunton.
--:-- Marcus Parks: It's Taunton?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: It's Taunton. It's not Taunton.
--:-- Marcus Parks: No, it's not Taunton. I wish it was Taunton, because then I would be right. But I did get it. It's Rehoboth. You see that? That's the... the far right is that a right angle that one? The robot robin man?
--:-- Ed Larson: I thought it looks like a fucking black metal band.
--:-- Marcus Parks: It's not. It's a shitty city in Massachusetts. Now, we covered the subject a ways back, but the Bridgewater Triangle is actually such a massive paranormal and criminal hot spot that we had to leave a lot of stories out of the episode. And we've discovered even more events that we didn't even hear about back when we did our Bridgewater series. Also, if you follow the Bridgewater Triangle Paranormal Investigators YouTube page, you will see that during COVID, I think a couple of them lost their main jobs. And then hunting things within the triangle became their new main jobs. And they honestly seem to be really doing well.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: There's a lot of meth in the Bridgewater Triangle. I think it might be all the wives getting together and starting all this stuff just so the guys hit the woods and get some hikes in.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, yeah. It really does help for them to see a pine cone every once in a while. It's the only thing keeping them alive is them searching for a skunk ape.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, to give a refresher, the Bridgewater Triangle is located within a 200 square mile radius with three points between Arlington, Freetown, and Rehoboth in southeastern Massachusetts. Since colonial times, it's come to be a hotspot for bizarre, mysterious, and sinister activities from cryptids to UFOs to supposed satanic sacrifices. And they also remind you a lot on this YouTube channel that it is not just to the triangle. It does happen to bleed outside of the triangle to places such as Krik-mum-rik-mum or Rahanaman, like all these other weird names I've never heard before.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Doesn't that just make the triangle bullshit?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Doesn't that just mean Massachusetts is real fucked up?
--:-- Marcus Parks: It is. It's horrible everywhere. It's just triangles are a fun scary shape. We talked about this on the Alaskan triangle episode. How many sides does a pyramid have again?
--:-- Ed Larson: It has... we now know a pyramid has four sides and has a square bottom.
--:-- Marcus Parks: First time I was right. It was so cool. It was true.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: We know spiritually can be circles. If you're in the UK, spiritually a pyramid can be circles.
--:-- Ed Larson: That's a cone.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You just have to allow that in. You have to stop fighting that information and just let it be real.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Dude, I just fucking solved it. It's a cone. It's a fucking cone.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, man. You've had ice cream before, right?
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah.
--:-- Ed Larson: Holy shit, I'm eating in a triangle.
--:-- Marcus Parks: I thought only pizza was triangles.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, a circular cone is how it goes. Fill it with meat, that's what I say. That's from Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell and that has already been fucking co-opted. Someone stole that bit. Chili cone, Gary.
--:-- Ed Larson: Well, they used to do it back in the day at Disney. They had a waffle cone filled with chili.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: They did not actually put chili in the cone.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, they did. I don't know what you want from me. Do they still do that? They put chili on pizza.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: No, but they still... the cone with pizza. Yeah, put pizza inside. But I guess there's a bunch of cone-themed restaurants.
--:-- Marcus Parks: We have derailed. Let's move on to the Bridgewater Triangle. We have not gotten to any kind of content. We have not been going to the show. If you want to talk about cone-based meats, ask the guy with diabetes.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Hey, it's pre-diabetes. It's the prequel.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, hopefully it never turns into diabetes.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, today, some claim that a so-called Native American curse is the reason why the area is so rife with both paranormal activity and murder. This curse supposedly comes from the brutal conflict known as King Philip's War that was fought between the Wampanoag people and the European colonists in the 17th century.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You know who should have fought harder against the King Philip's War was Tom Hanks' people. Remember that fucking horrible movie? King Philip's... Who was that? Captain Philip's? Captain Philip's. I'm the captain now?
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah. Yeah, the one that took place off the coast of Somalia.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Who was the other one? He was like the politician? King Philip something?
--:-- Ed Larson: I think Tom Wilson's War.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Great job. Not a goddamn thing to do with any of this.
--:-- Marcus Parks: We edit the show. We look back after we record a lot of times and we edit things out.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, that's the thing. You guys are seeing all sorts of shit. You're seeing like Henry throwing everything against the wall. You're seeing me read everything. It feels really awkward, but this is the way it's done. This is how the sausage is made. And to the future people listening to this, I know you guys love live recorded podcast episodes.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I know the audience absolutely adores them because what they love... a lot of times when you're listening to podcasts, you're listening doing something else or you're alone. And you've got a lot of stuff going on that is kind of like part of the podcast experience. But mainly you're alone and no one's holding you. You're not having sex. You're not enjoying yourself. You're not at a bar, you're not at an amusement park. And so when you hear a podcast of other people laughing and having a good time in a room, you just realize how empty the room is that you're in while you're listening to it.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. Well, it's argued that the triangle itself was the reason why the conflict King Philip's War was filled with so many beheadings and mass mutilations. And the strange happenings of the 20th and 21st century are simply a continuation of the triangle's influence.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yes, the fucking demonic triangle's influence. Don't go near the trapezoid zone.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, inside the Bridgewater...
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Don't want to go in there, you're going to end up kissing a dude. Don't go to the trapezoid zone, brother. You got to get married to Sarah this weekend, man.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, inside the Bridgewater Triangle is an area called Hockamock Swamp. In this place, people have seen vicious dogs with red eyes, glowing lights, and ghosts galore. In Algonquin, Hockamock translates to "the place where spirits dwell." But in other contexts, it translates to mean "the devil." Hence, Devil's Swamp. Now, this being a highly forested way... What? Yeah, feel free to ooh and ah. Yeah, be like, "Ah, wow." Actually, Marcus, it's Huckamuck. What did I say?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You're saying the O. You see, in Massachusetts, the only times they say O is when they're having sex with their father. They never say those words. They say it's Huckamuck.
--:-- Marcus Parks: It's Huckamuck?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Huckamuck.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Huckamuck. So I shouldn't say Huckamuck.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, because Huckamuck sounds like the Iroquois name for a pit we all spit loogies into.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, this being a highly forested wetland, the Bridgewater Triangle has its own Bigfoot. Disappointingly, it does not have its own fun nickname like Indiana has the Big Muddy Monster. Virginia has the Wood Booger.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Have we never covered the Wood Booger? I had never heard of the Wood Booger until today. Literally today when I was writing this bullshit. I honestly thought I knew every single iteration of Bigfoot.
--:-- Marcus Parks: No, Wood Booger.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: How is he different?
--:-- Marcus Parks: He's got allergies.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, he's just a big Jewish guy with allergies in the woods. That's not Bigfoot. That's my dentist.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, instead, Bridgewater just has a Bigfoot, large and hairy, described as looking like a seven-foot bipedal bear. And to be fair, it could just be a bear.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: It could just be a bear. They roam the forests of Massachusetts. Black bears, they get to be around seven, eight feet tall.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, and they hurt their paw and they stand upright and they walk around.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, if they're taking a shower, if they're out there... you never know with a bear.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, they work in restaurants, too.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But in one case, this so-called bear lifted the back of a police officer's patrol car while the cop was out on a call to investigate a complaint that the Bigfoot was rummaging around in someone's garbage.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I wish you could see the Bridgewater Triangle paranormal investigators talk about how "this girl I knew..." It's like, "All right, let me slide into it. Oh, you all right there? Oh, you betcha there? Oh." You betcha is the middle of the country. JFK. Yeah, we're like, "Oh, come here, Marilyn. Okay. Come here, Marilyn." That's what gets me into Boston. Yeah. "Let me see you, Marilyn." But they talk about how their cousin's sister's father was the police officer whose Bigfoot messed with his car. And he said, "I'm not going back to that Bridgewater. I can't do it. God damn it. I'm not going back to Bridgewater. He won't go. He won't go." Because he said that he was scared because he's afraid of his trunk being messed with again.
--:-- Ed Larson: But I just think the guy was hammered.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. You know what's funny is that I don't have a single fucking story that actually occurs in Bridgewater.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: No, because it's the title of the triangle. It is not the location of the triangle. It's the brand.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. Isn't Bridgewater outside of the triangle?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: There's three Bridgewaters. It's where you look at the triangle.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Oh, it's the viewing station. On the triangle. But even though it could very well be a really big bear that walks on its hind legs, the Bigfoot hunter that keeps the torch alive in Massachusetts is Joseph DeAndre, who had his first encounter in 1978 when he and his friends saw a dark-haired Sasquatch on the opposite bank of a river. After that sighting, Joseph founded the Bridgewater Triangle Expedition Team, or BATET for short, and he now leads frequent investigations armed with cameras and rifles. But since then, Joseph has never again seen another Bigfoot. Decades of goose eggs.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: He has to meet with BATET. He has to meet with these guys every fucking week after he saw Bigfoot one time. And everybody has to meet back up with Joe each week and be like, "Are you sure? Are you sure this is where you saw the Bigfoot?" And he's just been like, "I know I was here. I know." You know, no one does anything. They better get food or something.
--:-- Ed Larson: Oh, man, you know the guys at BATET have big tits.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, BATETs. Not even. Not even. Like I said, the magic of editing.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now even if this Bigfoot is really a big black bear, it still tracks with Bridgewater being an odd place when it comes to wildlife. Because a gigantic bear is not the only abnormally large animal to be spotted in the area.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: And to be fair, they're now saying that a lot of Bigfoot sightings... Did you guys see the research that they talk about how the sightings of bears with mange? Like this kind of type of mange that affects bears? It definitely is in the Pacific Northwest, it's in Florida, it's in... anywhere you see a Bigfoot, it is probably a bear with a skin disease. Right? Finally figured out. Close the case on that one.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But the thing is, I feel like that's a normal occurrence. I also feel like there's probably a man of the mountain. But there's other animals inside of the Bridgewater Triangle that definitely don't belong there unless they were released by a member of the Celtics when he was done with it.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Well, there's a massive cat. It's called the Mansfield Mystery Cat.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, it's a scary mystery cat. It asks its questions three, and all of the answers are all... I'm chicken, please. I'm the mystery cat. The mystery is, I have sex with your family.
--:-- Marcus Parks: It's said to be the size of a Great Dane. Big fucking cat.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Whoa, that's a big cat.
--:-- Marcus Parks: No, it was thought that the mystery of the mystery cat was solved in May of 1993 when someone found the headless carcass of an African serval cat. But police themselves dismissed the theory. This ain't the big cat because the serval only weighs about 30 pounds.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, not anymore.
--:-- Ed Larson: Hey, exactly. Lost five pounds now.
--:-- Marcus Parks: It's not just cats though. There's other types of animals. Now, one of my favorite phenomena, as you guys know, is I love large birds. I love... but I mean bigger than normal birds. And I love when people see quote-unquote dinosaurs. Now, there's something about the Bridgewater Triangle that for some reason attracts pterodactyls. Now I have a good clip from a lady. Now, this woman, I want to say, is a... I'm not going to say she's not... She's not being seduced by the Bridgewater Triangle paranormal investigators, but I think that she is... I don't know. She's involved.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Flirting. She's flirting.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Like, there is some kind of... There's a tension. There's a sexual tension here.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I think it's just finally someone didn't think she was crazy.
--:-- Marcus Parks: I mean, this woman has yelled this story several times at a wah-wah. So here it is. Kristen Evans tells her story to West Bridgewater Community Access about her pterodactyl sighting late one night in the town of Abington.
--:-- [Audio clip plays]
Kristen Evans: One night I was driving down the street and something hit my car. And to my shock, my entire windshield was covered in, of all things, yolk. And there were pieces of shell about this big all over my car. The next morning, my mother said, "You're never going to believe what happened last night. My friend and I were sitting outside in the backyard when all of a sudden we started hearing crashes. We ran out and Kristen, we saw a pterodactyl." They saw a pterodactyl. Of course. I was like, "What are you talking about?" It's just like it had dangly legs. It was massive. It was crashing through the trees. The trees are still broken if you want to go see. So that happened around 10 o'clock.
[End clip]
--:-- Marcus Parks: How long does this fucking story go on? This is the end of the episode. It's 10 o'clock. And then after that, you know, Tuesday is trash day. So I went and looked and I saw claw marks by the recycling. And there was no way because Marty, he puts that out on Wednesdays.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: It's a bad story. I don't know much about birds, but I know they don't shit out eggs while they fly.
--:-- Marcus Parks: You don't? What do pterodactyls do?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Also, was it a weaponized movement by the pterodactyl against this woman?
--:-- Ed Larson: I know that they had a lot of lost emus around there. This was probably just some kid picking up an emu egg and throwing it at the car.
--:-- Marcus Parks: I don't put it past the youth of inner Massachusetts to egg this woman with a bunch of emu eggs. I don't put it past them. "Look at the size of this fucking egg. Oh my God. I hit that lady's car with this fucking egg." You know what? It's a couple of windshields. You get it in action. It should kill a family.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, it's very possible. Or it's pterodactyls. Pterodactyls. Or it's... man, can you imagine if it was just a guy in a fucking hang glider and he got caught out there and he's just literally got a basket of emu eggs? "Somebody help me! Is there anybody here? I see you there!"
--:-- Ed Larson: That pterodactyl can talk.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Fly from your grave.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But besides bears, cats, and the occasional obligatory big bird, strange animal noises have been heard around the shores of Lake Nipponicket. A.K.A. Lake Nip.
--:-- Ed Larson: Let's stick to Lake Nip.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Which lies within Hockamock Swamp. There, people have reported...
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Naming things like fucking idiots. I think it's... There's a lot of allergies there. I think it was a lot of old Native Americans with allergies. Just naming shit after making noises in their sleep.
--:-- Marcus Parks: At Lake Nip, people have reported frequent monkey noises.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Fuck yeah.
--:-- Marcus Parks: In 1980, several men traveling in a canoe saw little creatures milling about on an island in the middle of Lake Nip, although they saw them from a distance. These were not Bigfoot-sized, but were closer to red-haired orangutans who walked upright like men. The travelers paddled to the island to look for them, but found nothing.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, shit. Man, I was through that trailer for the new Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. It looks good. It looks phenomenal. Then all on that island's been like, "Do you know there are places outside of here where humans play baseball like we do?" They're like, "What? What?" Yes, yes, they leave it. They make cheesesteaks just like we do on this island. Our island.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But out of all the mysterious creatures and creepy cryptids that have been seen in the Bridgewater Triangle, none have reached the infamy of one of Henry's favorites, the ever-lovable Pukwudgies.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Man, the Pukwudgies are still probably my top five cryptid. I love them because...
--:-- Marcus Parks: Top five? How long is your fucking list?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Dude, it's monster cryptids! Because I still like... I think Bigfoot's probably still the number one. You know, Flatwoods Monster. Sexy. We know that. Have you guys seen a lot of the fan art of the Flatwoods Monster? Very sexualized. I also like Mothman because no one believes him. And then I also like... even though we're getting sued over it. Have you seen this shit? We're changing Mothman Red Eye Blend. We're changing it to the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. This is going to be fun. I think you guys are going to like it. I was pretty proud of Butterfly Dude. I think it's going to be good. The Mothman people came for us. There's a Mothman economy that we did not know we were fucking with. And then all of a sudden the Mothman people arrive and they're like, "You think you can come take our cryptid fucking money?" And I was just like, "How much is it?" They're like, "We made $19 last year." And I was just like, "But what are you talking about?" It wasn't even West Virginia Mothman people. It was Ohio Mothman people. But we now know Ohio's the new Florida.
--:-- Ed Larson: Oh my god, man. That's so crazy. They're taking the Mothman from us?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: If they really respected the Mothman, they wouldn't take his identity. They put Statue of Liberty on condoms.
--:-- Ed Larson: That's right.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You mean to tell me we're going to allow the Mothman to be taken from us? Is that true? Am I what I just said? I don't know. I just believed you. I took it as fact.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But once you get down to it, we'll skip this legal conversation. But then, yeah, then I like the Pukwudgies. They're up there because they're representation of my people.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I don't think we need a condom that's like, "Give us your tired, your weak." I think some of us do.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, I'll teach you how to read.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You're definitely going to be using a lot of huddled masses. The condom for the huddled masses. Are you dirty at the Port Authority? There you go. Oh, I once got offered a blowjob at Port Authority. It was awful.
--:-- Marcus Parks: How low job was awful?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, yeah. It was 6 a.m. I was waiting near the Ralph Cramden statue. Cab driver walked up to me. "So, what are you doing this morning?" I'm like, "Going to Washington, D.C. for a show." He's like, "Do you like movies?" I'm like, "What kind of movies?" "The kind they play right over there. You like blowjobs?" "Yes, sir, I do like blowjobs." Normally, if you were going to ask me... I just told him, "I got to bust a cat." She's like, and then walked away. I had a feeling it was a numbers game that day.
--:-- Marcus Parks: The Pukwudgie is described as a hair-covered, three-foot-tall hominid with gray skin, large ears, and long fingers and noses. Pukwudgies are mischievous little creatures who can vanish and appear at will. They can shapeshift into animals. They shoot poison arrows. They're prolific arsonists. And they can sometimes lead humans to their deaths in Hockamock Swamp.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Man, it'd be cool to hang out with a bunch of them. That would be the best crew to hang with. They're like Whammies.
--:-- Ed Larson: What? Press Your Luck. No whammies, no whammies, no whammies.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Whoa, the Whammy is a Pukwudgie.
--:-- Marcus Parks: That's right. I didn't even think about that. There you go. Let me look that up. Well, the Pukwudgie death lure is a light called the Tepey Wonkas, which are souls of humans they've killed. These human souls are used to kill more humans, which are then ensnared and used to kill even more humans still. Now the origins of the Pukwudgie legend began in parallel to the giant Maushop, who always made the Pukwudgies jealous because he could get along with the Wampanoag people while every effort the Pukwudgie made to help humans backfired.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: That's why you shouldn't help people. Number one, that don't ask you for it. Don't help them, right? Don't give if you don't have extra, right? That's good advice. And then also, too, man, don't extend yourself for people who won't extend themselves to you. These Pukwudgies are wise.
--:-- Marcus Parks: And so the Pukwudgies gave up and decided they would instead play the tormentor to Maushop's role of protector. Now, at first they were just annoying. So Maushop collected as many Pukwudgies as he could and scattered them across New England so they wouldn't be as much of a nuisance to humans.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Now they work the tolls. "Give me a cordage, you fucking bitch."
--:-- Marcus Parks: But when the Pukwudgies returned, they did so with a vengeance. Instead of just hiding shoes or chasing away deer, the Pukwudgies showed back up and just plain started murdering people. Started kidnapping children, burning villages.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Dude, where's my Pukwudgie movie? Pukwudgies versus the cops. Oh my god. Pukwudgies are cops, man. Pukwudgies versus the chuds, dude. That's a fucking movie. That's a good movie. Save it. Next year, March Madness.
--:-- Marcus Parks: In response, Maushop sent his five sons to deal with the now murderous Pukwudgies. But Maushop's sons were lured into tall grass and were shot dead with magic arrows. Enraged, Maushop crushed as many Pukwudgies as he could underneath his feet, but many escaped and later regrouped. They tricked Maushop into the water where he drowned, and the Pukwudgies have ruled the Bridgewater Triangle ever since.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: That'd be a cute Pixar movie. I think that's like a fun dark movie.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, I feel like you're part Pukwudgie.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Is it the back? Yeah, and the front unfortunately. Yeah, I mean, I'm not waxing. I don't care what the polls say. I don't care what the emails from Biden say. I'm not waxing my back.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, once European colonists arrived and were told of the Pukwudgie legend, they believed it wholeheartedly, except they filtered the story through their own cultural lens and reclassified the Pukwudgie as foot soldiers of the devil, the very hand of Satan itself. And hence, the legend lived on in New England amongst the whites for centuries. And there are still people in modern times who have reported encounters with these evil little creatures. In one example, a paranormal enthusiast named Tim actually had not one...
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: But that's all we know of him. His name was Tim. I had a source once deep within the government. Tim. He told me everything. How I could catch the bus. Thank you, Tim.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Tim had not one but two encounters with these creatures, both in the woods. One evening as Tim was walking in the woods... Tim was walking. He encountered a bright floating light. Being an enthusiast of the paranormal, he excitedly took out his digital camera and tried taking a snapshot.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, fuck yeah, I love orbs. Oh, hell yeah, it's an orb. Oh, is that my grandfather? It's an orb.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But the orb suddenly disappeared and reappeared 30 feet away off the path in the thicket.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You flirt with me there, orb? You flirt with me? I'm Tim. People respect me around here.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, obviously, this is one of the dead souls that I mentioned earlier.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yes.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But perhaps unaware of the story of the Pukwudgies leading men to their deaths in the forest, Tim followed the light.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: "All right there, Orb. I'll follow you back to your home. It's simply because I'm lonely."
--:-- Marcus Parks: Soon enough, though, he sensed that something was wrong. Tim sensed that something was wrong. Tim always does when something is wrong. But when he returned to the path, he found a two-foot-tall man walking towards him.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: "Hey, how you doing? Tim, I heard a lot about you. Let me ask you something. You like blowjobs?" "I do love a blowjob. It is one of my favorite activities outside of looking for the puck."
--:-- Marcus Parks: Tim ran in the opposite direction.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: So the figure turned back into the thicket and disappeared. "All right, guess some guy doesn't like blowjobs. I'll go fuck a rabbit."
--:-- Marcus Parks: A few years later, Tim was in the parking lot of a grocery store. But we're still quite close to the woods.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: "I see you, woods. I'm over here. I'm buying milk. As soon as I'm done purchasing milk, I'm going to be over inside of you, triangle."
--:-- Marcus Parks: He was in the car waiting for his friend.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Weird. Like we had the parking lot conversation the other day. It is kind of strange. Like just hanging out in a parking lot. Unless you're getting a blowjob. And you sitting in a parking lot, that's suspicious. You ever go tailgating for nothing? That's called drinking and driving. You getting pulled over and saying, "I'm just a mobile tailgate." And in Massachusetts, they let you go. If you sing the song, they let you go.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, Tim was in his car waiting for a friend when he saw that the friend was in the grocery store. His friend was picking up like milk or something.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, I thought he was like meeting the friend to go sit with him along in the car. I guess I gave the context clue of he was in the parking lot in front of the grocery store. I just assumed he was buying drugs. That also happens in the parking lot of the grocery store. Not a bad guess. I love orbs and cocaine.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, that is when Tim saw the same small figure in his rearview mirror.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: "Hey, buddy, I knew I'd find you. I knew you'd sit long enough for me to suck your dick."
--:-- Marcus Parks: As the Pukwudgie stood there, staring, Tim's car turned on by itself and the radio cranked up to full volume. Sure people have no reason. Completely forgetting about his friend, Tim stepped on it and hauled ass out of the parking lot as fast as he could. As far as I know, that was Tim's last encounter with a Pukwudgie.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: What about the friend in the grocery store? He fucking left his ass behind. He just comes on out. That Pukwudgie's sitting there. "You know, I met your buddy Tim and he wasn't that into blowjobs. But I see you've purchased a lot of candy and maybe you might be interested in a blowjob. Give me a milk, you little piece of shit."
--:-- Ed Larson: "You know, actually, I could go for a blowjob. Actually, I'm going through a divorce. I'm going through a divorce with my wife. You little man, you can suck my dick. Come with me to court. Support me."
--:-- Marcus Parks: In another story, a man named Bill Russo was out walking his Rottweiler named Samantha at midnight.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: As you do. That is a very fancy name for a Rottweiler. Samantha. "This is Samantha. She'll bite your dick off."
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, he did that every night because he worked a late shift at his job.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But on that particular night, Bill took a different route. And as they walked, Samantha started quivering and shaking. Then Bill heard a high-pitched wail saying, "I want you. I want you."
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Perfect Pukwudgie. Up ahead, underneath the streetlight, Bill saw an erect figure. Pudgy indeed. Three feet tall with a pot belly. More like a fuckwudgie. Walking towards him.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, I don't...
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: It was also naked but covered in hair, three to four inches long. So obviously he could see his dick and balls.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, it's true. But honestly, it's warm out. These are my clothes. I'm a buckwatch.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Man, that's interesting to think about though. If he has three to four inches of hair but he could see his dick and balls hanging out... Five to six inch long dick. But for a three foot tall creature, that is a proportionally massive cock.
--:-- Marcus Parks: It's a fucking demon. Demons do have big dicks.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Or he could have been older and he's got the long balls.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah. That's the thing.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You know that Warwick Davis is packing, right?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.
--:-- Ed Larson: Like how many? Like, well, packing. How many?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: But he has like penises?
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, he's not bringing them in a case. I'm saying he has a large penis.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Now how many inches? Is it like a weird holding dick? How do you know?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You told me. Yeah. No, he's just got like, he's Warwick Davis, but he's got an Ed Larson on him.
--:-- Ed Larson: Ah, I see. So it's like a standard.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: No, but Ed's got gigantic balls.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yes, he's got a standard penis, but he's small. Good for him.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: That's how he's working so long.
--:-- Ed Larson: I actually think they would keep you from working.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You think so?
--:-- Ed Larson: You're so confident. Why would you need to act? If you have a huge penis, you should do anything but act. You should be president. You should be a professional baseball player. Anything else.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Slide too much in baseball.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Pukwudgies. Now, Bill Russo, for some reason, thought that perhaps because of the creature's height, this was a hairy child. That was his first thought. Just another freak. That's a hairy child if I've ever seen one.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh my god. Go to sleep, child's late.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But as it walked towards him, he realized that it was old. And it was speaking to him. It kept repeating over and over again, "I want you. I want you." The cadence became more insistent. "I want you. I want you." And the creature began beckoning Bill.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: "I want you. I talk to you. Don't talk to him. I talk to you. The dog can watch. You're trying to seduce me, you hairy child. I know you got the hair of an older man, but your boy."
--:-- Marcus Parks: Terrified, both Bill and the dog turned around. They didn't run home. They speed walked home.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: "Let's get out of here, Samantha. This is too good to be true." That is the only way I can do a Boston accent. I can't do any other variation on it. Besides just Kennedy, but that's great.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Reportedly, Bill returned to the spot many times, but never saw the creature again.
--:-- Ed Larson: What if he was so freaked out? Why would he go back?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Well, you know, sometimes you get scared at first, but then you get curious.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Have sex with a small, hairy child. That's what happened with Father Mike, who was my priest. But he just never went all the way through with it because I guess I just wasn't forward enough.
--:-- Ed Larson: I can't tell who's the coward in this situation.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I don't know. You're off of me. Oh, you got a problem with a little boy with a body like a man? Oh, is this too much man for a 10-year-old for you? Fly from your grave.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, the cryptids are all well and good. We need one more ingredient if we want to call the Bridgewater Triangle a semi-permanent, full-on flap. We need UFOs. And luckily, the Bridgewater Triangle is full of them.
--:-- Ed Larson: I do think of all of the domestic triangles, they do have the most recorded activity. But they have a fuck ton of witness accounts and people talking about fires on Lake Huckamuck and Lake Nip. They would see these weird flames and there's a lot of different ghost lights.
--:-- Marcus Parks: If you listen to these paranormal investigators, which I do think a lot of it is fueled by green alcohol, Mountain Dew, and meth, their hearts are in the right place.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, but they're seeing stuff. There's lots of people seeing the same thing, right?
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah, for the most part. I mean, there's variations. You could argue that maybe they're just telling the same story to each other. It just gets bigger and bigger each time and maybe they just saw some weird shit at night. Don't ruin the magic of the Bridgewater Triangle.
--:-- Now, the sightings started in the 19th century, but the first notable sighting came in 1908, when two undertakers driving a carriage saw a, quote, unusually bright lantern above the skies on Halloween night. The hottest time for UFO sightings in the Bridgewater Triangle, however, was the 1970s, when seemingly the entire country was awash in both UFO sightings and general paranormal activity.
--:-- Ed Larson: I wonder how this lines up with Mothman in time periods.
--:-- Marcus Parks: About 10 years after.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: 15. Let's move on.
--:-- Marcus Parks: The most famous Bridgewater UFO sighting occurred in the spring of 1979 when two radio broadcasters, Jerry Lopez and Steve Sibraccia, were on their way to Raina, Massachusetts for a night at the dog track. Completely innocent night. Couple radio DJs going to the fucking dog track in the middle of the night.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I can smell that. Just like morning DJs at the night dog track.
--:-- Ed Larson: I don't like to watch them race as much as I like to eat them. That's why I always bet on the loser.
--:-- Marcus Parks: As they were driving, Steve saw an incredibly bright light just over the tree line, and the light only grew larger as it got closer to the car. The two broadcasters stopped the car and watched as a series of bright lights blotted together in the shape of an arrow and passed overhead, in a formation that was, by Steve's guesstimate, the width of five 747s wing to wing.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Say it properly. Five 747s. Wang to wang.
--:-- Ed Larson: Wang to wang.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Jerry, however, remembered it being shaped like a baseball home plate with a series of lights on it, and something like a cord was dangling from the craft, shooting off sparks. But they both said it was so close that they could throw a rock and hit it.
--:-- Ed Larson: That was not the only case that we covered with shitting UFOs. The Bigfoot UFO flap in Pennsylvania.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, yeah, the Pennsylvania Bigfoot flap in 1973.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah. I remember that one.
--:-- Marcus Parks: The craft then continued hovering over a field for a minute, then took off. And over the course of the next week, there were a series of sightings reported by other people in newspaper and radio stories. And it was only then that Jerry and Steve came forward with their own account.
--:-- One of the strangest UFO stories out of Bridgewater, however, came in 2013 with a man named Jim Andre. Jim said he was on his computer at 9:15 p.m. when he suddenly blacked out, and when he woke up, he was in the same chair, but five hours had gone by.
--:-- Ed Larson: You mean every time I'm in a hotel?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, he took literally how? A nap.
--:-- Ed Larson: I took a nap and it's scary. It's got to be UFOs.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: This is an extension of somebody's why they missed a bar mitzvah. They missed something big.
--:-- Marcus Parks: He stood up and tried gathering his thoughts when he noticed an intense burning sensation on his right forearm. When he looked down, he saw a tattoo that resembled an Aryan gray, which is a hybrid I'm not familiar with.
--:-- Ed Larson: Has anyone heard of the white power parrot called the Aryan gray? What is the Aryan gray? I tried Googling it, too. Is it a Nazi alien?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I've never heard of a bird. The African gray.
--:-- Ed Larson: No, not a bird, like a gray alien. Not like a fucking parrot, you idiot. We're talking about UFO.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I went alien, you went bird. I went bird. I thought that was like an Aryan gray. I thought it was like a bird that you could teach to Zig Heil. I thought it was like a parrot that lived forever.
--:-- Ed Larson: You thought that a guy got abducted by a UFO and he woke up with a bird tattoo?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Literally, that's what I read. I thought, oh, he must have some. That's why I thought, oh, that's super weird. I'd be like, that's fucking crazy. But it's also out of margarita film. Just as crazy as the aliens tattooing themselves. Because that's revealing who did it. Mystery's gone. If only they did it to JonBenet Ramsey, we'd know what happened to her.
--:-- Ed Larson: That's just the truth. He's just like, who did this to me?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Oh, I see right there. It's this racist bird.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But the thing about the tattoo is that it wasn't bleeding as tattoos usually do immediately after they're done. And it didn't heal like a regular tattoo. It blistered when it healed. And his skin peeled like a sunburn. Like it was a brand. And to this day, Jim is convinced that he was abducted and for some reason tattooed by aliens that night.
--:-- Ed Larson: Does he continue to have the tattoo?
--:-- Marcus Parks: I don't know. I don't have his fucking number.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. He was tagged.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, he was tagged. Like when we catch a fucking bear. We put a thing in its ear. It's the same thing.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, but normally they don't have somebody from Brooklyn doing stick-and-poke tattoos. Most of the time, it's like a weird indiscriminate piece of metal that's put in the back behind your nose, or it's put in your kneecap, or put inside of your tit flesh. This guy, it's true.
--:-- Ed Larson: I'm looking up Jim Andre, racist bird tits.
--:-- Marcus Parks: When you say an Aryan gray, you mean entirely white gray?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: No, I mean an Aryan mixed with a gray alien.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, it's an alien with a swastika on its forehead.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Whoa, Charles Manson!
--:-- Ed Larson: I guess it would be more like a Nordic gray.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Does that make more sense to you? Thank you.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Now, there's a lot of ooky spooky stuff going on in the Bridgewater Triangle, granted, but there's also an inordinate amount of murder, and in the triangle, it tends to have an occult edge, or so they say. Now, we here all know that the satanic panic was just that. It was a moral panic, and the massive coordinated groups of so-called devil worshippers who impregnated women just so they could sacrifice the babies didn't really exist. But that doesn't mean...
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Die, die, nerds! That was what I was looking to apply to next! That was going to be my retirement.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But that doesn't mean that there weren't killers who used the concept of Satan to give their murder a bit of kick. Guys like Richard Ramirez. In that same vein, you had a guy named Carl Drew, who was a Massachusetts pimp and self-identified Satanist. It was said by witnesses that Carl Drew entrapped sex workers and held them in his thrall by involving them in satanic cult activities and threatening violence, possibly sacrifice, if they rejected his so-called protection.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: All right, my sex workers for Satan that I have brought from various locations across the country to hang out in my living room. We're going to play Cranium. And we are going to get to the end of Cranium, or I will murder you.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, in confessions that were in all probability coerced, but still a good story anyway, these women said that Carl Drew made them watch as he performed ritualistic human sacrifices in a log cabin in Freetown State Forest.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You know what he called the log cabin?
--:-- Marcus Parks: What?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Carl Drew's cabin.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Wow, man. Evil as hell. What happens in there? Supposedly, one of the sex workers, Robin Murphy, shifted from observer to participant. And that's when another sex worker, a woman named Karen Mardzen, went to the police. She called Carl the devil and said that she expected there to be consequences for going to the cops. And indeed there were, as Karen Mardzen was murdered and supposedly sacrificed on February 8th, 1980. Who knows if the ritual part is true, but the forensics did tell the story of a brutal murder.
--:-- Ed Larson: There's something about a man with a mullet calling himself a Satanist in the middle of Massachusetts that I just don't believe him. And they always kind of say that. It's always like a guy who kind of looks like Carl from Aqua Teen. Mike Warden Key kind of has the "I used to be a Satanist, but now I'm different" thing.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: But it's like, have you seen Satanists? This is the crowd of Satanists. They look like this.
--:-- Ed Larson: No, this crowd is far too attractive to be Satanists.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Hey! Hey!
--:-- Marcus Parks: You see, there were some disappointed frowns. People, you guys look good!
--:-- Well, Marsden's hair and fingernails were pulled out. Her head was beaten with stones, and she was finally killed when Carl snapped her neck. Once she was dead, Carl allegedly persuaded Robin Murphy to slit Marsden's throat. Carl then removed the head, and observers said that they kicked it around like a soccer ball. Finally, Carl had sex with a headless corpse, carved an X on its chest, and smeared Karen's blood on Robin's forehead.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Does it hit differently when you get to look me in the eyes when I say this shit?
--:-- Ed Larson: I told you all we should have played Cranium.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: They did play Cranium.
--:-- Ed Larson: Oh my God, I forgot. One more round of Cranium.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But before Marsden's mutilated body was even found, Robin confessed to the police and fingered Carl for both that murder and one before.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: You guys all giggled at it. You all giggled at it.
--:-- Ed Larson: I was being mature.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. It was a test to see how many people... I do it all the time. Like when I say "titular" to see if he giggles.
--:-- Ed Larson: Of course.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: And he always does.
--:-- Marcus Parks: He 69ed Carl for the murder. Well, others testified that they were present at the murders or were told about the murders by Robin or Carl. But all have recanted their testimony in the decades since, saying that their testimonies were coerced. And besides that fact, they were all on a lot of drugs at the time. So maybe the memories weren't all that great.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: We were on crazy drugs. Ibuprofen.
--:-- Ed Larson: I took an Aleve and I killed those women. I don't remember.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But even if all the satanic ritual sacrifice stuff was embellished or completely fabricated, which it probably was, it was with these murders that the satanic panic officially began in America, making the Bridgewater Triangle its unholy birthplace.
--:-- Ed Larson: All of this dumb shit really does have wild consequences. Something happens that is legitimately... it created a panic. It ruined hundreds of people's lives, and it came from that shithead.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. It really did, and it just came from people paying attention to the fucking Bridgewater Triangle. We should have been hunting for pukwudgies.
--:-- Ed Larson: Everybody that was in there killing people, they would have had so much more fun hanging out with and looking for pukwudgies.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, staying in the realm of reality, we spoke extensively on our original series about Taunton State Hospital, which is a mental asylum that also sometimes housed the criminally insane. And it's located smack dab in the middle of the Bridgewater Triangle. Built in 1853, Taunton was state-of-the-art for its time. Its 40 buildings had running water, a sewer system, central heat, and full ventilation.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. So it must have been a really nice place for all the people inside of it.
--:-- Ed Larson: Kinda. At times.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Okay. When they weren't getting plunged in ice baths to try to shock them out of their mental illness.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Honestly, I could use it.
--:-- Ed Larson: I could do that to you today.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Let's try it.
--:-- Ed Larson: Come on, let's fix me.
--:-- Marcus Parks: So this attention to what we now consider basic human rights came from progressive Quaker policies, in which the mentally ill were no longer just chained to a wall and left alone, as they had been for centuries. They did, however, still do lobotomies galore throughout the 20th century. Some of the patients at Taunton had genuine mental illness, but some were there simply because they were promiscuous, outspoken, poorly socialized, or they masturbated to the point where it was a noticeable problem.
--:-- Ed Larson: How do they lock up half of Massachusetts? Take a lap! Take a lap!
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yep, for that you get claps, not laughs.
--:-- Marcus Parks: But the most famous resident of Taunton was a woman.
--:-- Ed Larson: Taunton Mental Hospital. Taunton.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Was a woman.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: No, I'm going to say Taunton.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, say Taunton.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. At this point.
--:-- Marcus Parks: The most famous resident of Taunton was a woman who absolutely deserved to be there. She has one of the highest body counts of any American female serial killer that we know of. 31 people. And her name was Jane Toppan. Reportedly, Toppan fondled her victims as they died in an attempt to see the inner workings of their souls through their eyes.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Women are fucked up. I didn't know that about a serial killer. Obviously men do horrible things, but it's actually nice to hear.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah. A woman fondles the soul out of a corpse.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: The last guy we talked about cut off a woman's head and fucked the corpse, and you're getting weirded out by a woman going...
--:-- Ed Larson: You know what's funny is that...
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: And like pinch into fucking cheeks, and you're like, women are weird.
--:-- Ed Larson: It's because if I met Carl, and he said he did all that, unfortunately I'd be like, seen it, buddy.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. People do it all the time.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, been there, done that. But with this, this makes you feel icky.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: No, it's fun.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, okay, it's fun. I'm just saying it's great for women, this representation.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, you have a theory, you stick to it.
--:-- Marcus Parks: And unlike many female serial killers, she admitted to experiencing a sexual thrill from watching patients be near death, recovering, and finally dying, which is pretty much edging. But with murder.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.
--:-- Marcus Parks: In one case, Toppan poisoned the family's housekeeper so it would appear that the housekeeper was drunk. Toppan's plan was to get the housekeeper fired and take her place.
--:-- Marcus Parks: And when the plan worked, Toppan moved in and killed the whole family.
--:-- Ed Larson: Holy shit. How have I never heard of Jane Toppan before?
--:-- Marcus Parks: God, I don't know. We should do this.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, we're gonna.
--:-- Marcus Parks: This is a big episode.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, we're gonna do Jane Toppan. We're gonna do the satanic murders that we talked about earlier. I got like four episodes from doing this bullshit.
--:-- Ed Larson: That's awesome.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. Well, Toppan died in Taunton at the incredible age of 84.
--:-- Ed Larson: Wow. They always last so long.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. She beat out Ed Gein's life in a mental hospital by seven years.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: And he loved the mental hospital. He loved it.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah. He was 77. But, you know, women live longer. Less stress.
--:-- Now, like many mental hospitals in America, Taunton closed down the asylum wing in 1978. Now all you go out into the triangle, get out there you crazies, enjoy the woods. But it continued to be used by the state to house juvenile delinquents and more recently recovering substance abusers. But considering how it was indeed an insane asylum, it's just as haunted as any other insane asylum. And it has the added bonus of rumored satanic cult activity due to its location in the Bridgewater Triangle.
--:-- See, it was rumored that the hospital was actually closed because the staff were taking incapacitated patients into the basement to conduct satanic rituals. And several patients were sacrificed when the devil would appear.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: No, I'm not here. I'm just here for COVID. No, please don't. I'm not crazy. You go on the slab? Yay. Is my friend, he's watching?
--:-- Marcus Parks: I mean, this isn't completely outside of the realm of possibility. Fucking Jimmy Savile did this in the UK all the time. It's real. Reportedly, there's still bizarre demonic markings on the basement walls.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I think about it. We do have to do Jimmy Savile at some point.
--:-- Ed Larson: We don't have to do anything.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: He used to sleep in the morgue with all the bodies, and then he would go and he would shower at the hospital. He'd stop just to go shower at the hospital with the small, hairy children. It was an idea, man. A bad idea, man.
--:-- Ed Larson: He did have a lot of ideas. A lot of energy. When you ever see somebody that old still jogging, think about it. Be like, what are your other hobbies? What are you trying to keep? What do you need all this stamina for?
--:-- Marcus Parks: Well, one staff member said that as he stood on the last step of the staircase before entering the basement, he was hit by an incredibly vivid vision of devil worship, complete with auditory hallucinations of drums and chanting, along with the smell of smoke. The vision stopped as soon as he stepped back, and he quit Taunton the next day.
--:-- Staff members have also said that they've seen an apparition that they call the Smoky Man.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, he's a little over five feet tall and consists of a smoky hazy cloud in the shape of a man. He's the Smoky Man. That's all we got on this.
--:-- Ed Larson: Have you met that Smoky Man? He's the weed dealer for the pukwudgies.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Others experience something they call the Shadow Man.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Who sometimes appears as, you know...
--:-- Ed Larson: What? Shadow?
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, it's a shadow man. And sometimes he appears fully formed. Consistently, though, the apparition is described as definitely a man. It's a man. But his face is obscured. And he always appears in the corner of a residence room and stares directly at the terrified patient.
--:-- Ed Larson: Why don't you sleep? Go to sleep. Go the fuck to sleep. I can't do what I'm going to do while you're running. There's so many things I want to do together.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: We're asleep.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Just keeps passing through.
--:-- Ed Larson: I just want to fondle and touch you. I'm just a shadow man.
--:-- Marcus Parks: And so, considering how there are actually many stories that I didn't even talk about in this update.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, dude. So many.
--:-- Marcus Parks: There's a lot of shit in this triangle. It's likely that the activity in the Bridgewater Triangle will continue for as long as people inhabit the state of Massachusetts. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. We did it.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Wow. This is the first time we've ever done a straight up live podcast like this. And I think we did fine.
--:-- Ed Larson: We did fine.
--:-- Marcus Parks: No, seriously, we've never done a live podcast like this ever.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I feel like nude. I normally choose to be nude on stage, but I feel like when Natalie sees me try to get in the tub, like that kind of nude. Which is too nude.
--:-- Ed Larson: You know, you did naked comedy before. And the same guy kept showing up every week. It's weird. I remember that. You just sat like that.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Honestly, I love a fan.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, I've seen you naked on stage a couple dozen times.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: But it's weird that when I'm using my body as a weapon, I don't feel nearly as vulnerable as this.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, I know. This is weird.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I'm going to go home and take a shower.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, I feel weird.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Because I feel like it's nice, though. I'm glad you're here. I trust you all.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I trust you all, and I'm glad that you were here for this.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, I can tell by your t-shirts. I trust you.
--:-- Marcus Parks: And if you're listening to this in your car right now, I'm sorry you didn't have any fun today. I'm sorry that you got a live podcast episode and you probably were like...
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Oh, you know, you'd be mad about getting it. Just get some fucking ice cream and get over it.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yeah, man.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Go buy some bullets and think about how you want to use them.
--:-- Ed Larson: I said ice cream. I just said bullets.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Because what's nice about it? You can think. And you can write names and ideas on the bullets. You need a good pen, though.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yes, you need a Sharpie. Yeah, thick Sharpie.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Because then, to me, that's all. Sometimes I just get it out of my system, and then I take those bullets, and I throw it out in the trash can in front of the middle school. Just because, again, it's just so they're out of my hands.
--:-- Ed Larson: Investigate him. Not me.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: I'm going to go right down the middle and say, just go home and masturbate. Good night. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. You're all angels in disguise. Hail Satan.
--:-- Marcus Parks: And now we come to the point where I believe we exit first. Goodbye.
--:-- Ed Larson: Yes, as we walk through you. We walk through this crowd.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Do we need to do plugs and stuff? Do we have to go like, hey, well, you've just listened to the last podcast. Do we have to do it on the show?
--:-- Ed Larson: Nah. We got our bosses here.
--:-- Henry Zebrowski: Do you have to go like, and yeah, you can see more like this. Go to patreon.com. If you want to see us do this shit live, if you want to go see us live, go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to go see all of our live dates. And if you want to follow us on Instagram or TikTok, go to LP on the left. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Good night.
--:-- Marcus Parks: Yeah!
