--:-- Joe Rogan: Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. What's up, man? Good to see you, my man.
--:-- Carrot Top: Good to see you as well. Thanks for having me back.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What's happening? Very, very good. It's very funny. You brought a box of your stuff, and one of them immediately started going off like it's an alarm. What is that?
--:-- Carrot Top: That's hell, isn't it?
--:-- Joe Rogan: It was a FedEx box?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. It was that commercial that runs for late night Viagra Cialis. It says, "Hey, we'll send you your Cialis and Viagra in unmarked white envelopes." And I would say, fuck that. I want just the opposite. I want my neighbors to know I'm getting laid. I want my neighbors to know I have a dick, a hard dick. So it's got sirens and whistles. My dick's hard.
--:-- Joe Rogan: My dick is – yeah. It's engineering. We were just talking about you the other night at the comedy club. We were like, he owns props. Like you can't do props now. When I was a kid when I first started doing stand-up, and I'm sure you two there were prop comics. Sure there was a bunch of guys. The weird...
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, there was quite a few guys that were really good as a prop comic, but you became so successful as a prop comic, you kind of stole the market.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, yeah. No young comics coming up. Nobody wants to be a carrot. I think that's what it is. I still get so...
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, you got shit for a long time. I don't think you get shit anymore.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, not as much. No. But you still get the aftermath of it. Like, just on the plane today, somebody was like, "I don't care what... What are you doing?" I said, "I'm doing Rogan." They said, "Oh, man, I don't care what everybody else says. You're funny." I'm like, "Who's everybody else?" What kind of compliment is that?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Well, I get that a lot. The backhanded, shitty compliments. "Hey, I personally think you're funny." That kind of stuff.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, yeah. "I'm one of the rare ones who thinks you're good."
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Exactly. I had to beg my mom to come. She did not want to come.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, it's such a weird thing. We get a lot of that, right? Well, we talked about that the last time. I think you took way too much shit from comedians, and I never understood it. The weird thing that comedians do or they hate on other comedians, like, good Lord, we live in a world that is filled with war and famine and disease and pollution and garbage and chaos and corruption, and you want to concentrate on a prop comic? Is that really what the problem is in this world?
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, isn't that true? Yeah, and it almost always comics that are doing better than you. I think we tried breaking it down last time as to why. And I think it was only because I did get successful. It wasn't quick, but it was quicker than maybe most. Because I hit the scene right at the right time. I had the act that was, you know. It was a good act. It was perfect for television because it's visuals.
--:-- Carrot Top: And I got a little success. And I think people were like, you know what? They would ask Jay, "Why do you have Carrot Top on like every month?" And Jay was like, "He brings the guns. He does the job." But I do remember the comedy, the Evening at the Improv. And I played mostly that and the other one, Laugh Factory, the Cheesecake Factory, whatever it was. And then the Comedy Store was more, Betsy loved me, but I never really played there a lot. So Bud loved me. One night I came in, and I had my little back. And Bud Friedman from the Improv. And I had my box of stuff. And he always loved me. He says, "Oh, man, there's no spots tonight." And I said, "Well, I drug it all the way, fuck." And he's like, "Let me see if I can get you in somewhere." So the Tonight Show bookers were there that night. They were Jim McCauley and these people were there to pick comics for the Tonight Show. So he's like, "Hey, I'm going to slide you in. They're going to love you." So I go up and I had the best set ever. It was just a magical night. And I don't know if I was just... I knew they were there. Every comic was coming around. Jesus. Dude, fuck. I mean, leveled it right. And Jim McCauley walks up and he says, "That was amazing." And I said, "Oh, thanks." I said, "You book the Tonight Show. You think that maybe I could get on?" And he said, "Not a chance in hell." And I was like, I had just killed. I go, "Why?" He says, "You're not... Johnny would never book you." And I said, "Why?" I said, "You book the show, right?" He goes, "He would never allow it." I said, "Why?" He says, "He hates variety."
--:-- Joe Rogan: What a weird thing to hate.
--:-- Carrot Top: And I stopped in the middle and I'm like, the whole fucking Tonight Show is variety. Yeah, Karnak, throwing the hatchets, every fucking thing they do. Ed McMahon's a fucking prop. The whole thing is they bring on animals. Animals. You think I'm kidding, right? So I'm like, well, okay. And then finally, I mean, like two weeks after Johnny left, I was on with Jay. And it was just like literally... But the weird part about it was it still was the same studio. They had the blue, the gold star. So you're standing right where Johnny was. And the same Ed DeCordova was still in the booth. And everyone was still there. So you felt like it was the Tonight Show. But how weird is that? "I don't like variety." And then I would get singled out because I would do Leno so many times. I'd ask if I could do Letterman. They said, "No, you're Team Leno." I'm like, "Oh." It's like that Twilight movie. I'm a team fucking whatever. There's two teams.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Thank God that doesn't exist in podcasts. That disgusting fucking thing where if you were on one person's side, you're the enemy.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Team Leno. How stupid is that?
--:-- Carrot Top: That's what I was, I guess.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, it was such famine thinking back then because there was only a certain amount of shows. Now you know it's not a wig season on there.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, I never thought it was a wig.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, people have seen that thing. Is that thing on straight? Isn't it weird that women can wear wigs? No problem at all. A man wears a wig. It's pretty pathetic.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah. You're a loser. Absolutely. A man with a hairpiece. Nice hairpiece.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Or implants. You know, when I lived in L.A. This is true. I lived in L.A. I'd go to Gold's Gym, and my hair was even more out of control. I had big ass hair.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, you had a giant fro. Fucking arms.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And these ladies were behind me, and they're like, "Oh, my God, look at that woman's arms," right? Seriously, yeah, makeup and into the whole nine yards. And they were just amazed. And they came over, and they said, "How do you get your arms that big?" And I turned around. I said, "I don't know, arm workout." And she's like, "Oh." And I could see their face turn. Like, "Oh, it's a dude." But I was kind of pretty then. You know, the younger, a lot of hair and makeup. And then that same gym one day, I'm working out. This guy says, "Nice arms." And I said, "Thanks." He's like, "Who did the work, right?" And I thought he's making... I said, "I did. I put in the fucking work." Like, who works out for me? He said, "No, no, no. I mean, implants, right?" I'm like, only in L.A. would you have someone in a gym walk up and say, "Oh, yeah, implants?" Yeah, I have implants. You fucking go to the gym and you do curls.
--:-- Carrot Top: At the gym lifting out, assuming that someone has implants is pretty wild. But I don't have that big of... I mean, this guy thought...
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, that's how gross L.A. is.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, it is. That's like the default assumption is that everything's fake. Yep, no matter what. "Where you get your butt? Who did your butt? Where you get your nose done?" Yeah, it's always something. No one wants to believe. "Who does your plugs?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. No one wants to believe that you're natural. That's a kind of funny thing. Another thing I got too, weird. I just had a guy today at the airport. He said, "Hey, you still working out?" And I'm like, you're supposed to say, "I see you're still working out," right? You don't ask him if you're still working out. That means you don't look like you're working out.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, I think he's probably just trying to start a conversation with you.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, I did. I said, "You mean 'I see you're still'..." And he goes, "Yeah, what did I say?" I said, "You said, 'Do you still work out?'"
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. And what's the answer to that? You just say yes?
--:-- Joe Rogan: I say no.
--:-- Carrot Top: No. You're done?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. No, I said I'm not feeling well. I'm dying.
--:-- Carrot Top: I'm dying, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, you didn't hear?
--:-- Carrot Top: Like, well.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. It's radiation poisoning.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Something happened. One of my toys. They always say, "You lift light." I hate that, too. I'm in the gym. I'm like, "You always lift light." What was that? I don't... I guess it means I don't lift heavy. I don't do heavy weights. I don't have spotters. I just do cables and some dumbbells, but people always say that. "You always work light." I'm heavy for me. People are silly.
--:-- Joe Rogan: There's a lot of people that just don't know what to say. They meet someone famous.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, no, they don't know what to say. They just get weird.
--:-- Joe Rogan: They do, and then afterwards they probably leave and go, "Why the fuck did I say that? Jesus Christ. I feel so stupid." I've done that before. Make famous people act like an idiot and they're like, "What? Shit." So I try to give people a little grace.
--:-- Carrot Top: I'm so true of that. If I see a celebrity, I'm like, I'm not gonna... I'm gonna fuck that up, really, right?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do you get a lot of people coming to your shows that are famous?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a guy here, Chris Jericho, was at the show last night.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's a wrestler. Oh, cool. Real nice guy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You've been at Deluxe for how long now?
--:-- Carrot Top: 19, coming up on 20.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's crazy.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, November 20.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You probably have the longest residency of anybody in Vegas.
--:-- Carrot Top: I think they were just talking, but they don't count because one only talks. They've been there forever.
--:-- Joe Rogan: They've been there forever, yeah. I remember I saw them there in 94.
--:-- Carrot Top: 94? 98. I saw them there in 98.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, they're still... At the Rio back when the Rio was nice.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, right. Now it's like you gotta wear a bulletproof vest to watch it. They should just light it up. Shithole. It's a weird place. It's weird how some of those places they just fall off. They just get tired and no one wants to go there anymore. But then if they last long enough, then they become like Circus Circus where they're fun.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, right. It's fun to go there.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, it is. And the Luxor, they just did a whole big revamp on it and it's nice. It's a beautiful hotel. Every time I walk in, it's spectacular to see how they made that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, I'm obsessed by Egypt. So for me, it's like I wish the Luxor was the best hotel. I'd stay there every time. Because it's a fucking giant pyramid.
--:-- Carrot Top: We actually did a Fear Factor stunt.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I mean, it is the best hotel.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah, for sure. For you. We did a Fear Factor stunt where people had to slide down the Luxor once.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, wow.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, that's crazy. They had to grab flags on the way down. They had to slide down.
--:-- Joe Rogan: All right, see, I'm not doing that.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, it was pretty crazy. Pretty ridiculous back in the day.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That is crazy. Yeah. 20 fucking years, man. That's a long-ass time to be doing a residency.
--:-- Carrot Top: It is. So before that, you were doing colleges and you were touring.
--:-- Carrot Top: Do you miss any of that? You do a little touring every now and then.
--:-- Joe Rogan: We do a little touring now and then, but it's only when I get the off time. So if I get a week off, like I'm here, I could be home in my boat, but I'm here.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I do road shows, but you've got to take a break here and there because you can't kill yourself. But I like the touring. I like the bus. You feel like a rock star.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You pull up on a bus and you got the big venue and there's a sound check and there's people. I mean, we have the Deluxe, but not like people hanging out by the bus.
--:-- Carrot Top: I get people like, "Hey, you fucked my mom." I'm like, "Great." Remember? Now you're getting old. 84? Remember that? I used to remember, "Remember you fucked me." Now, "Hey, you fucked my mom." Pretty soon it'll be, "You blew my grandpa." It'll be something.
--:-- Joe Rogan: When? Wait, his grandpa blew me.
--:-- Carrot Top: Your grandpa blew me. Let's get this straight. Your grandpa's a liar. First of all. He's dead. I'm sorry. On his deathbed. "You know, Carrot Top, blooming one." Thank God he's dead. You can't tell anybody. The one thing that's good about not touring, though, because I mostly just work my club now, is I never feel tired. Like, the traveling tiredness is horrible. You realize how bad it is to be flying all the time.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That is one great advantage of having the show every night at the Luxor because I leave my house and come in.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, sleep in your own bed.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh yeah. I'm home by 10:30, 11 latest. That is a huge plus.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's a huge plus.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yep, because the road can tear you up. But like I said, there's pluses and minuses. It's fun. You're in a rock band.
--:-- Carrot Top: There's pluses and minuses. But for me, this is the first time in my life where I haven't toured.
--:-- Carrot Top: The last few years, the last three, four years. Man, it's nice.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, I guess three years ago I was touring still. Like two years, the last two years since the club opened, I just stopped and it's been amazing. I love it.
--:-- Carrot Top: Perfect.
--:-- Joe Rogan: All my friends are doing arenas, they send me pictures. I'm like, "Have fun. I don't want to do it." I fucking want to get out there. I probably will once I make a new hour, because right now I'm at like 40 something minutes. Once I get a full new hour, I'll probably do some tour dates just for the fuck of it. But being at home has giant advantages. You don't realize how much you're destroying your body until you stop doing it.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah. The show is nice for that reason, too. I mean, you have a normal day. I had a dog for a bit. You can take a dog and go to work and come home. You're watching SportsCenter at 10:30 and bed by 11.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do you feel weird living in Vegas? Vegas is an odd place. It's like you have to find—
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, I live in the Summerlin area where it's like normal.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Very nice. Very suburban.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, so it's a normal suburbia. But then you go to work inside the Devil's Balls.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Then I go inside the Devil's Balls, is a good way to put it.
--:-- Carrot Top: And then I leave down the shaft back to Summerlin. It spits right out the tip.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, the tip into Summerlin. Whew, we're home. That was hell.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. I mean, I find it funny there's a college there, and a big college, UNLV. I find that funny because you imagine asking your parents, "Hey, I want to go to college." And they're like, "Oh, right on. Where are you going to go? Michigan, Iowa?" You're like, "I'm thinking about Vegas."
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's a good college, though.
--:-- Carrot Top: How are you fucking not going to Vegas for college? My buddy Sam Tripoli went there.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. It's a good college. I mean, it's a good college, I'm just saying, for the joke purposes.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, it seems like Vegas has become more of a community now, right? They have the Raiders now.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Aren't they getting a major league? The Golden Knights.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What's the Golden Knights? What are they?
--:-- Carrot Top: The hockey.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Hockey. That's right. They've got a hockey team now. Always have fights. There's fights almost every weekend.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Some kind of boxing or UFC event or something. And they're talking of building the baseball stadium, I think.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, I heard. The A's.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's nice. What's it going to be? The Vegas A's? That's going to be weird.
--:-- Carrot Top: I guess. Yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I don't know. Is it the Vegas Raiders? Is that what they call themselves?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, Las Vegas Raiders.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's weird.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Even the commentators are like, "Yeah, Oakland's..." You can't say Oakland Raiders. It takes a long time. People still say Washington Redskins. Every Chris Collinsworth last week. "The Redskins..."
--:-- Carrot Top: What do they call themselves now, the Redskins?
--:-- Joe Rogan: The Commanders.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And you're talking, this is pretty good. I'm like a sports guy. I know this stuff.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Commanders. Yeah, Redskins is a weird one though. Washington Commanders. That one's problematic.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, there's a lot of them, I guess, though. There's some articles someone did. It was really great. It broke down everything that could be. Like the Braves, the Chiefs. They went through all these different things. We'd have to get rid of everything. How about Notre Dame? The only thing left was like the Dolphins because they were just... but it's a dolphin. You can't hurt a dolphin.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, but then there's dolphins in captivity. It's kind of gross that you're capitalizing on dolphins in captivity.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. There was a lot of people that were upset about Notre Dame using the Fighting Irish, using that little leprechaun guy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, right, right.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. I think they're going to have a problem with everything. I mean, geez louise.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yep, yep. That's all it is. You ever get protested?
--:-- Carrot Top: No, I haven't, but I thought I had a nightmare one night that I did. Like we just, you know, it would just be people outside the Luxor just mad about something. No, but I've thought about that because I know people have been.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Have you been?
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: See, that's so strange.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Minor. Just a bunch of people mad about something. "We hate bald guys." It's always something, whatever it is. People just get upset. It's always a small group of people because it's actually organized by actual humans versus these crowdfunded ones where they show up on tour buses and they all have professionally made signs and they hand them to them. They're all getting paid to protest. That's a weird thing that they're doing today. That didn't exist when I was a kid, like paid protesters. I don't think so. I was watching a documentary on it on YouTube the other day. They followed this woman who is a professional paid protester. And she goes from Free Palestine to this, to that. She's been doing it for years. She goes from one protest to the next. That's her job.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's her job, yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: And she makes X amount, $100 a day.
--:-- Carrot Top: And they fly around. Fuck, stays at the Four Seasons. Maybe they'll start doing this. I think that kind of should be illegal.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, kind of.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, because it's kind of a lie. It's kind of fraud.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's beyond fraud.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And whoever's funding it is, right?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Who's paying them?
--:-- Carrot Top: It's usually NGOs, non-government organizations that get taxpayer money, unfortunately. But it's a weird thing where you're pretending that these people are outraged when they really just want a sandwich.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, right, right. You see them all the time on the news, yeah. And people don't know they're real, right? They don't know they're not real.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, but they get exposed. Until someone points it out like you just did. And then they get exposed. And then people are like, "No." You're just listening to the hype of the, what do you call it? When they say something, you know.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Propaganda?
--:-- Carrot Top: Probably the other one where they're like, "Oh, it's just, you know, the world's flat and that kind of conspiracy theories."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, yeah. So I love those because, with my dad working at NASA, I would always answer, ask people like, "What do you think?"
--:-- Carrot Top: What did your dad do at NASA?
--:-- Joe Rogan: He was an engineer. He trained the astronauts in the simulators.
--:-- Carrot Top: Was he involved in faking the moon landing?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yes. Yes. I wish my dad was alive. He'd punch you right now.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Would he?
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I'm hard to punch. I slip. I move.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. No, because we just had a discussion backstage, oh, God dang, a couple days ago. I don't know what, something happened about a flag or something. It was something about a flag. A flag waving on the moon?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, it was something about a flag, like burning flag, something.
--:-- Carrot Top: And I said, my friend said, "That's an interesting question. I wonder if the flag is still on the moon." And I said, "That's a great question." Like it was one of those you had to break it down, right?
--:-- Carrot Top: So I'd say, well, my dad would know. And I guess I'm not the brightest guy, but I would do like an engineer and would break it down. But there's no wind on the moon. I mean, there might be cosmic something wind up there, but it's not, right? And there's nothing that's going to deteriorate the flag. So it's probably still there.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Unless it got hit by micrometeorites.
--:-- Carrot Top: Or something. Other than that, it would be, right. Because there's no atmosphere on the moon. So a very, very thin atmosphere. So it gets pelted all the time.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, right. That's what it's covered in craters.
--:-- Carrot Top: The only thing that would probably... right, but unless how deep the fucker put it. But my dad trained them to drive that little lunar rover.
--:-- Carrot Top: And so the joke I was going to put in the show, I said, "NASA can now, they're good, they can zoom in and look at it. So here's the NASA, zoom in on the moon. You see the flag. See, I told you, the fucking moon's still there. And then we pan over and there's the land rover, but it's up on blocks and they've looted it and taken all the wheels off of it. I said, 'See, the fucking thing. They've already stole it.'"
--:-- Joe Rogan: They did take photos. I think it was India. Was it India or China? One of the satellites that they had hovering the moon took appropriately blurry, ambiguous photos of what they claim was the landing site. Like where the lunar module was and where the buggy is.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, that would be the punchline. Then you go, "Of course it's still there in some soundstage in L.A."
--:-- Joe Rogan: I think the soundstage is probably in Vegas. I think it was out in the desert. It might be near Summerlin. It might be near my house.
--:-- Carrot Top: Could be. I think it's out where they film, where they do UFO back engineering.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, maybe. That's another weird thing. You're right where the Luxor is, is right across the street from where those guys take off to go to work at Area 51.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, my brother flew those.
--:-- Carrot Top: Here's the crazy thing. My brother was Air Force, and so he retired Air Force, F-16 fighter jet pilot. And now for about three years he flew those Red Stripe planes. And the weird thing is I'm in the Luxor when I first got the gig, and my room was at the top of the... not on the light. That would be a horrible room to be in. People are like, "Is your room with the light on it?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, my room was with the light on it. For people that don't know, there's a giant spotlight.
--:-- Carrot Top: That they actually had it toned down?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Because it was interfering with flights?
--:-- Carrot Top: It was, indeed. Yeah. There's three things you can see from outer space, by the way. The Great Wall of China, the Luxor Light, and my cock. Thank you. I'm here all week. Try the wings. I'm actually here all week. All week. So, I'm looking out the window, right? Every morning, I would look out, and I'd see the planes. And I didn't know what they were. I thought they were some private guy, a big billionaire that has all these jets out there. They were blue. So I thought, "Oh, this is another billionaire, red jets." And so then there were four channels on my TV. It was like when I was a kid, right? And the Luxor, it was just the Luxor channel and then the... so the Luxor channel would have on a loop every day this goddamn thing about the Red Stripe planes. And this is real, right? So I'm watching it and they're like, "No one in the world knows where these Red Stripe planes are. They fly out of a secret location." I swear to God in the west. And I'm like, I'm looking out my window like they're fucking right there. And it's serious. Like no one knows. For years people are trying to discover where the red planes fly in and out of. I'm like, "This is a joke." So I called my brother. I said, "Did you... this thing says that you're top secret. You don't fly anymore." Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. He really can't tell me. He wouldn't tell me. I just thought that was so crazy. I'm like, there's a whole show saying there's no red planes and there's a mystery to if you could find them. And I'm like, they're right there. Everybody knows where they are.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. I can zoom in and take a picture of it. That's ridiculous. Everybody literally knows where they are.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. You could see them from Mandalay Bay.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Unless they are fake ones.
--:-- Carrot Top: They're the ones that deploy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: See, the decoy.
--:-- Carrot Top: The decoy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, just like the 747. Then they have the other 747. Yeah, when Bob Lazar was working on back engineering UFOs, allegedly, that's where he used to fly out of. They'd pick him up there, and he'd fly over to Area S4. Quick little flight out into the middle of Groom Lake, quick layover and come back. Get out and they'd say, "Figure this thing out."
--:-- Carrot Top: Jeez. Allegedly.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Allegedly, yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: Supposedly looks like that. That one right there on the mask.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, I thought that was a symbol of AC/DC's album. Doesn't it? It looks a little bit like that.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, that's the sport model. That's what Bob supposedly was working on in Area 51.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. You know, who knows? It's fun.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Fun to think about. Space stuff, yeah. But when you're looking at those actual planes, I'd like to talk to one of those guys.
--:-- Joe Rogan: They tell you, though, then they're fucked.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah. Like my brother's like, "What are you talking about?" He would not.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, he said, "You know, I work at In-N-Out."
--:-- Carrot Top: No, you don't. You fly those planes. Tell me more. He wouldn't tell you nothing?
--:-- Carrot Top: Even if they put the phones down and go for a walk?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, no. Nothing? Your own brother?
--:-- Joe Rogan: If you were my brother, I'd tell you everything.
--:-- Carrot Top: Would you?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Fuck yeah. I would, too. I can't keep a secret. That's probably why they wouldn't hire you.
--:-- Carrot Top: People always ask me, like, does anybody ever tell you secret, top secret information? I'm like, no, I have a big fucking mouth.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Exactly right. If they told me that UFOs are real, I'd be like, "Look, I'm sorry. Maybe they're going to put me in jail, but I have to tell you." I always have that question too, honestly, about people that have had security clearances and then they revoke them and they get rid of them.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. You can take those off. I know these fucking heads. These are not working.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, these aren't working for me. Something about your hair and those things. My physique. Let's just go headsetless.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, my God.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Feel better?
--:-- Carrot Top: It was a struggle.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Can I take my pants off, too?
--:-- Joe Rogan: You can take a piss off. This is a pants-free zone. And this is a no-head phone, no-pant-wearing zone.
--:-- Carrot Top: You probably have extra pants in there anyway.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I might. Don't you? You probably have clown pants.
--:-- Carrot Top: I do probably have something in there. I knew I used to have them.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do you even know what's in there? Do you structure your show, or do you just reach in and start grabbing stuff?
--:-- Carrot Top: The show is structured, but when I come and do little things, there's not at all. There's nothing zero.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do you ever do guest sets at a comedy club?
--:-- Carrot Top: I used to do it. I used to make a thing like that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do you do it these days, though?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No? Never?
--:-- Carrot Top: I mean, to kind of do like, this is what I'm doing today with Tony. I bring a little thing. Tony loved it. Last time he did it. It was very fun. I saw some clips.
--:-- Carrot Top: He said to me, I was at home. I said, "I really don't want to do props. I want to talk. I want to be not Carrot Top." He says, "But that's what I want. I want you to be that." And he was right. Because it was really, he was right. Both. It was both, right. It was fun to talk, be funny without doing props. And then go in and show some of the stuff. And he was beside himself. He said, "That's what I want to do."
--:-- Joe Rogan: I'm here tonight. I have a show there tomorrow night.
--:-- Carrot Top: Ah, shit. I would be fun if you pulled the box off.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, man. I would have done that in a heartbeat.
--:-- Carrot Top: Another time.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You'll be back.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Next time, let's plan on that.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, that would be awesome. Absolutely. Yeah, I just had Ron White come up on stage just last Friday.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, he was in Vegas.
--:-- Carrot Top: He was in Vegas, and he came out. You know Ron's just a hoot. He comes in, and I said, "You know, what do you want me to do?" I said, "Just do what you know. Don't stress out. Don't come out and do 20 minutes. Just poke your head out." I have a bit in my act where I talk about my dad working at NASA and training astronauts. And it's just like Neil Armstrong and John Glenn. All these pictures come up and Katy Perry. Everybody goes, "Ah, if my dad was alive, you could hear him right now. What the fuck?" And I got Ron White to do the voice for it.
--:-- Carrot Top: So the crowd, they already know it. You just hear his voice, "What the fuck?" And everybody's like, "Ron White." So I said, "That sounds like Ron White." And I said, "Fucking sounds a lot like Ron White." And he walks out and he goes, "Well, no shit, Sherlock." And the crowd loses it, right? And he's so nice. I was gonna come out here and say something, but you're fucking... and I was having a good set, fucking blowing the roof off the fucking place. And so he says, "Do you still..." and I said, "Joke? All right, I'll do it." And he did some joke. And it was great because he's one of my heroes in life. He's sitting there watching the show. Then he's gone for like, I don't know, his bit's coming up. I don't know where he is. And you could smell pot. The whole theater. So I swear to my life, it's not a joke. And I'm like, "Oh, fuck. I hope it's... I mean, Ron, you can't smoke weed in here." So I go off after he comes out and he just... it comes. So I said, "All right, another hand for Ron White." And I said, "Some kind of... if you smell weed, it's probably... he's back." He goes back in my dressing room. Now there's another show back that's back down there, all these stripper girls. And he's, they're all like, "Hey, I didn't know you partied." I'm like, "What?" Like, "I didn't know you partied." I've been there 19 years. I'm like, "I don't party." They're like, "No, that's... oh, that's my friend, Ron. He's smoking weed." They're like, "Holy shit, he's got good shit." I mean, it would just bellow through the whole lobby, out into the lobby.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, he can go hard.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, he goes.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I smoked weed with him and then done a set. I'd be like, "Oh, my God, what am I talking about?"
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, no. He was so belligerent. And then he left his weed and his wallet in my dressing room.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, no. Did you steal his wallet?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Fuck yeah, I stole his wallet and his weed. He's here. He lives here.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He does.
--:-- Carrot Top: I know. He said he might surprise me later.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, nice. And you've done with... I don't know if I didn't. I do shows with him every week.
--:-- Carrot Top: Every week. It's not great. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's one of the main reasons why I moved here.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, that's crazy.
--:-- Carrot Top: He moved here in 2000, I think, 17 or 18, I think 18. And I was like, "Where are you, man? I miss you." He's like, "I moved back to Austin. I fucking love it. It's in the middle of the country. I can fly here from everywhere. It's like three hours no matter where you go. Three hours in New York, three hours in LA. Perfectly centrally located. People are nice. Food's great." I was like, "All right. He's right." He got me thinking about Austin. And then when the pandemic hit, I was like, "Well, if I move to Austin, at the very least Ron's going to be there." I like... there's a good comedy club there, but the comedy club had already closed. I like... but at least Ron's there. You know? I have a friend. I just had to get out of LA. And yeah, he was just raving about how good... "Come on down, man."
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's also the one who talked me into opening up a club.
--:-- Carrot Top: Awesome. Yeah, it was totally Ron. He hadn't done stand-up in like eight months. He goes, "I'm fucking retired because of the... yeah, damn it, all the chaos. I'm fucking retired. I'm done. I got plenty of money. I'm just gonna enjoy life and it's done." I'm like, "Okay, come on, man. Really?" I'm like, "You're so funny. I just can't believe that." And so then Tony put on a show at the Vulcan. Tony had done like one or two shows indoors, which was crazy. Like, "Oh my god, we're doing shows indoors in 2020. This is madness."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, right.
--:-- Carrot Top: And in LA, people were freaking out. You're killing Greenleaf!
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, exactly.
--:-- Carrot Top: And so Ron was like, "Oh, fuck it. I don't even know if I'm going to do a set." And then he decided to go on stage. He went on stage. The audience went fucking bananas. He got a huge standing ovation. The moment he went on stage, murdered. I mean, murdered for 15 minutes. And then he came off stage and he grabbed me by my shoulders. And he goes, "Whatever the fuck we have to do, we're going to keep doing this. You got to open that club." I'm like, "Okay, okay. That's great." That was the beginning of the Comedy Mothership. It was Ron White.
--:-- Joe Rogan: How great is that?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, he was the original. He was the Christopher Columbus, but that's a bad example because that guy was a real piece of shit. He was the original pioneer that came here.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, crazy. We went out. I'll do one more Ron White story because it's just incredible. I go, we go out, and it's a little fancy, like one of these posh little bars down somewhere in the fancy hotel. And I even said, "Where do you want to go?" And he says, "This is kind of like... you know, I thought we were going to a bar." And he said, "Let's go to the one at the R.E. or whatever." So we go, and it's real fancy, and we sit down, and the waitress walks over to us. And there's three of us, his wife, his girlfriend, me, my friend. And I said, "Let's do a Crown on the rocks and a glass of wine." And as I look over to his wife, I said, "Would you like a..." and he's smoking weed. And Ron is literally... he looks and he's like, "Well, no fucking shit." And I go, "Ron, you can smoke pot in here?" He goes, "The hell can. Who the hell is going to throw Ron White and Carrot Top out of a fucking bar?" And within seconds, Metro is standing there going, "You guys get the fuck out of here." And Ron's like, "You got to be fucking shit." I said, "Ron, you can't." Like, he just... the cops are there. And he's like, "Well, they're good. They're good." I said, "No, we're not good. We got to go." He just thought, "Who's going to..." He did that backstage this last week. I said, "You can't smoke pot back here. It's your fucking dressing room." What does that mean? Is that a... no, because I've got the other people, the girls, the show.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, the next show.
--:-- Joe Rogan: There's a lot of other people backstage that I can't do that.
--:-- Carrot Top: The next show is like strippers?
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's called Fantasy, yeah. It's a lot like my show, except it's funnier and there's naked people.
--:-- Carrot Top: What is it?
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's just a girls' dancing review show. They used to have something like that in the Riviera. It was called Crazy Girls.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It was like comedians would host it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, God. That was kind of like this one. They would have a comic in the middle and the girls.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. It's a good show. They've been there for a while. It's for people that want an excuse to see strippers, but they don't want to go to a strip club.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, right, right.
--:-- Carrot Top: So they take a date. You can take a date to a show.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, right. And see some titties.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, it's smart, isn't it? It's weird. "See, we didn't go to a strip club, honey. We went to a fancy titty bar."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Vegas is just such an odd place. There's nothing like that place. It's so strange. It's just got such a history. First of all, the beginning of it, right? It's founded by the mob. Like they literally want a place where they can get gambling. And then in order to have legal gambling, there's probably some sort of a deal where they let the government blow nukes off in the middle of the mountains. So there's spots out there where you really can't even visit because they detonated 50, 60 nukes. It's crazy.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's what killed John Wayne, you know.
--:-- Carrot Top: John Wayne was doing a movie in Nevada about Genghis Khan. It's a terrible movie. And he did that movie and a giant percentage of the people that worked on the movie got cancer from it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, shit.
--:-- Carrot Top: Because they were literally like right down the road from one of the test sites.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's crazy.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's fucked, right?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. But I always thought that's probably one of the reasons why they allowed them to do the gambling thing there. They probably made some sort of a deal. Like, "Yeah, you can have gambling, but this is what we want to do. We want to blow off nukes."
--:-- Carrot Top: Jesus, I feel like that sometimes when I'm on stage at the Luxor, something comes down and the crowd can see it, just a particle of something. It's always like, "Oh, that's nice. The place is fine. Asbestos."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, it's not nukes. Luxor was built in the early 2000s?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, it wouldn't be nuclear stuff. When was that place built?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, something like that. 2000 or something? Because when we filmed Fear Factor, there was like 2000.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, about 2000. Because I've been there 20 of them. So yeah, 2000.
--:-- Carrot Top: So I don't think they use asbestos.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But it's just such a weird place.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, wow. No kidding.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, shit. I'm way off. And I work there. Fuck.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Not too far off. 10 years.
--:-- Carrot Top: Wow. Look at that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It was a great idea. Yeah, it's still phenomenal. You walk inside it, it's just breathtaking. I was there recently.
--:-- Carrot Top: It was a great idea. It was a great idea.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, it's still phenomenal. You walk inside it, it's just breathtaking. I was there recently. I went to see the bodies exhibit. You walk in, it's like... I say you do a joke like this.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, I had sex on a really hot chicken, and then they finally threw me out of the bodies exhibit or something.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That bodies exhibit is fucking creepy. Do you know the story behind that place?
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, a little. I mean, yeah, kind of.
--:-- Joe Rogan: They're mostly... well, they don't really know where they're getting the bodies, but they do know that a lot of them are political prisoners.
--:-- Joe Rogan: So it's basically like people that ran afoul of the Chinese government, so they whack them and turn them into statues.
--:-- Carrot Top: Wow. That's creepy. That's right outside my theater.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Well, a lot of them they call like unidentified bodies. But the real problem is, to be an unidentified body, you have to be unidentified for 30 days. But then in order to do the plastination process where they turn you into a statue, it has to take place within 48 hours of death. So someone's lying.
--:-- Carrot Top: Fuck. That makes a lot more sense now. What a great place to have a comedy club right next to like the Titanic museum and dead fucking bodies.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: That didn't get you more in a mood for a show. I saw that too, the Titanic museum.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, Titanic museum. That's pretty dope. They actually have a big chunk of the Titanic on display there.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, I've been in there.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. But it was what a wild time where people would just get on a fucking boat and travel across the ocean with no YouTube, no GPS, hope they didn't hit an iceberg. And that was like super fancy high tech travel. Imagine the people that traveled 30, 40 years before that. Wooden boats.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Not having any idea. Just going on a promise that you had a job waiting on the other side of the fucking ocean.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. Yeah. That's how my grandparents got here.
--:-- Joe Rogan: There were probably comics on those cruise ships.
--:-- Carrot Top: Probably terrible comics on those cruise ships.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's the worst job in comedy. Ever, right?
--:-- Carrot Top: Ever. I did one. That's my only one. It's one of those things where a guy... you know, there's some guys that like it. Like I know Alonzo Bowden does like jazz cruises.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Like Alonzo Bowden, he's a great comic, but he's also a giant jazz fan. He loves jazz music. So he'll go on jazz cruises, and it's probably perfect for him because it's like... if I went on an MMA cruise, I could talk about subjects that most people in a regular crowd would be like, "What the fuck is he talking about?" If you're talking about obscure jazz music.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, that would work. I have a lot of friends who love cruise ships. I just don't know.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Have you heard what they're doing with AI music, speaking of jazz?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yes. They did. I sent it to Jamie today. They took 50 Cent's "Many Men" and made it like a soulful song that seems like it's from the 50s or 60s. Have you heard this?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, but I've heard a few other ones, not the 50 Cent one.
--:-- Carrot Top: Dude, you want to listen to it?
--:-- Carrot Top: It's so fucking good. I sent it to Brian Simpson, and he said, "That is the best fucking thing you've ever sent me."
--:-- Joe Rogan: So they just did that?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yes, through AI. It's not even a real human being's voice. And it's fucking good, dude. It's good where you're like, "Whoa!" Listen to this. It seems weird hearing these lyrics with this kind of singing, you know, because it's like hardcore gangster rap music. But with... listen to this, though. It's kind of crazy that they're doing...
--:-- [Music plays: AI-generated version of 50 Cent's "Many Men"]
--:-- Carrot Top: Blood in my dog and I can't see. I'm trying to be what I'm destined to be. And niggas trying to take my life away. Isn't that great? It gets better. I put a hole in a nigga for fucking with me. My back on the wall, now you gonna see. Better watch how you talk when you talk about me. 'Cause I'll come and take your life away. Woo! Isn't that great? How incredible? Nobody sings lyrics like that with those kind of lyrics. It's gangsta rap lyrics with an incredible voice. AI is fucking scary, man.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's so good. If that was a dude, if that was a dude who sang that, I was like, "Who's this guy?"
--:-- Carrot Top: You know, I'd be like, "This guy is fire."
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's the kind of stuff we're going to be... yeah. I mean, the first time I heard about it was Randy Travis had a song out, and I love Randy Travis. So I was like, "He has a new album out." He's not doing well. He can't... you know, he hasn't done them.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's right. They used AI, but that was his decision, right?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. I think he wrote the music.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, I think he did. But it just blew me away. We had a whole fight with my crew. Like, "It's AI. It's not fucking AI. It's AI. It is, but it's not." And then they came back and they said it was. But the difference is, like, this is not a real person's voice.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's probably a conglomeration of multiple different singers' voices. At least I'm guessing. Is it actually a guy? I don't know where this started, but I'm looking at the one that I'm looking at. They are trying to sell this like it's a... they tried to make it seem like 50 Cent covered this song from some guy named Shifty Brent.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah, but they do that stuff. They did that with the Chris Rock thing. When Chris Rock got slapped by Will Smith, they tried to pretend that it was an old television show. And they did an AI version of this old television show where a guy goes on stage and slaps the comedian. It's really funny. It's AI is so squirrely. They're probably just trying to make money. That's why they did it. But God damn, it's good.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But the Randy Travis one, you're saying...
--:-- Carrot Top: It's his voice.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But I don't think so.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, no, it is. So what they do is like, it's my voice too. Like they use AI with my... there's a whole podcast with me and Steve Jobs. I never met Steve Jobs.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, God.
--:-- Carrot Top: There's a whole podcast that somebody made with AI. AI because you have Steve Jobs' voice and you have my voice. Thousands and thousands of hours. Every sound that I can make with my voice has already been made. So all the computer has to do...
--:-- Joe Rogan: How about that?
--:-- Carrot Top: Weird noises. Weird noises. But all the computer has to do is just take a giant amount of your noises.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, sure, sure.
--:-- Carrot Top: And then apply it. And then apply it differently. Emotionally, slowly, somberly, angrily. And you can just put it all together. They just had one with me, something.
--:-- Carrot Top: And it was like, "What the?" And it was me doing something, you know.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do they do ransom phone calls where people call people and say, "I've been kidnapped, I need money?"
--:-- Carrot Top: That's what it was. It was, "Hey, it's me. I'm listening if you could help me out." And it was like I was broke and I was down and out. I needed money. And they won't stop sucking my dick. And we in the desert. Send money. Yeah, it's real weird because it's super good now. In the beginning when we first started hearing it, it was kind of obvious because the inflections were off. Like the way you would say something. Like the inflections in that song was insane. You know? That "I'll take your life. Watch how you're talking about me. I'll take your life away." That's great. Ooh, you hear it? You're like, "Damn." So that means that we associate with a soulful, incredibly creative person with an amazing, God-given talent of a voice. But it's not. That's what's crazy. Like, they nailed it. Even though I know it's fake, I love it.
--:-- Carrot Top: And you love it, too. Like, we're listening. Like, this is great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, that was true. That was beautiful. But we know it's fake. That's kind of crazy. The Randy Travis thing is different because what they just did is he wrote it and then he can't sing anymore. But they have thousands of hours of him singing, so they take that and then just turned it into him singing. So it is him singing. It's actually his voice. It's just not coming out of his mouth. It's coming out of technology, but it is his voice.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And it's his writing.
--:-- Joe Rogan: So it's like it really is a Randy Travis album. It's just Randy Travis... like you can enjoy someone that can't do it anymore but is still alive.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, sure.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You know? Like, that guy had so many great songs.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, man. Oh, my God. That guy has incredible voice. I could go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, you have to have...
--:-- Carrot Top: No, he's got so many. I love... That was my first big country. It says Kenny Rogers, and my dad would go see Kenny Rogers every goddamn... Every concert my dad went to, it was Kenny Rogers.
--:-- Carrot Top: Literally.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's hilarious.
--:-- Carrot Top: And then he goes... Oh, we put the headphones back on. We forgot. We forgot we had one. I'm off because I feel more animated.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, there you go. This is weird. So he goes to see Kenny Rogers, and I'm like 12 or something, 13. He says, "You want to go?" So my dad says... I said, "I'll go to Kenny." First concert, Kenny Rogers. It's like huge. He was playing like arenas. It was him and Tammy Wynette, and it was great. "You gotta know when to hold on." And we write all the hits. And we go.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And then the second concert I go to was Kenny Rogers. So I'm like, "Geez, all right, I don't think there's anything else but Kenny Rogers, right?" Third time I go to this fucking thing, I'm like, "Dad, can we go to like Alabama? Can we go do another concert?" He loved Alabama. He loved his... no, Kenny Rogers. So then I meet Kenny Rogers in an elevator in LA. Like it's just the weirdest thing. Doors open. And he gets standing. He gets on. I said, "Oh, man, I don't bother. You're a legend." He's like, "Thank you." I said, "You know, the first concert I ever went to..." He says, "I'm going to say me." I said, "Yep, that's awesome." I said, "You know, the second concert I went to..." He says, "Nope." I said, "You." He says, "Wow, that's awesome." I said, "You want another? Third." He goes, "All right, fuck off." He goes, "Fuck off, where we going with this?" I said, "My dad took me to your concert three times in a row." He goes, "Well, you had a great dad." And then it was just kind of awkward. He's just... we're just... I kind of ran out of exactly what we were talking about. Yeah, act weird in front of celebrities, right? And we're just looking at the numbers and we're going up. And finally I said, "Oh, you know what? You have great chicken." And I'm like, "What the fuck?" I didn't know what else to say. But he really did have his great chicken roasters thing. And that's what I said. And he went like... he looked at me like, "Fuck." I said, "No, I... and the sides are great, too." The chicken. That song "The Gambler." How many people that turn into gambling junkies, right? Romanticize gambling. You made it seem so... "You gotta know when to hold them." I do. I know when. But you gotta know when to walk. I know when to run. I know what I'm doing. Did they make a TV movie about that? Wasn't there like a TV movie?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, wasn't it called "The Gambler"?
--:-- Joe Rogan: I think there was a TV movie called "The Gambler." We'll find out in seconds.
--:-- Joe Rogan: There's something about music that was created before the internet.
--:-- [Video plays: "The Gambler" TV movie clip]
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, "The Gambler." Look at him. What year is this? 1980. There's something about stuff that was created before the internet that's so fascinating.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's like an archaeological dig, you know? Look at that. That's just great. That even looks great, doesn't it? It's like you want to watch it. Can I see it? Can I listen? Because it's like an archaeological dig. Like you're looking at the way people used to behave and talk before the internet.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You know, it's weird. It's like oddly fake, you know? It's oddly interesting how you analyze that way.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, now I want to see what you're talking about. Yeah, like I'm an amateur archaeologist here. This is a different time.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Human beings from 1980 were like a different thing. Everybody would just leave the house. Everyone had a key. Nobody knew where anybody was at any given time. You left the house, you were gone. We didn't even have answering machines yet.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: People were basically wild animals who lived in houses.
--:-- Carrot Top: You're right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: We had no... And they only knew how to behave from movies and TV.
--:-- Carrot Top: Give me some of this.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's just playing the music.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, is it still playing the music?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, I can't...
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, okay.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Is this the theme song? I mean, it's playing the song on the Game Boy. I want it...
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's so funny. Look at it. Even the way it looks. The way it looks, it looks so cornball. It's just kind of amazing. You know? We just...
--:-- Carrot Top: How about it? People just kind of accepted.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I love the fact that how you put it, there was not even having self-recollection. Yeah, answer machines. They were just gone. We were wild animals. You didn't know you were a wild animal. People in 1980 were essentially wild animals. They were wild animals who had children. No one knew what was going on in the world. Everybody was completely uninformed.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Isn't that great?
--:-- Carrot Top: It's crazy. We all were.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I heard that Russia was going to blow us up. That was every day. Everybody's worried about Russia blowing us up. And no one knew what was going on and everybody lived in bliss. And you only knew the people in your neighborhood. You didn't know anybody else.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You didn't know, like...
--:-- Joe Rogan: There wasn't even one one-hundredth of the amount of famous people back then. There was a tiny amount of famous people. There was Elvis and a few other folks.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Just a few rock stars.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: A few comics. There's, like, Richard Pryor.
--:-- Carrot Top: TV, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. TV shows that you'd find with, you know...
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, dude. Animals. We were...
--:-- Joe Rogan: Look at Kenny Rogers. Sell it. These are wild animals that have just been introduced to technology and they're aping what it's like to be a grownup. Like they're just figuring it out. And now here we are, we're like the teenagers, we're the adolescents of civilization. So we realized that's kind of silly and everything there's a... but there's stuff from then that's better than stuff that's today for whatever weird reason. There's some music back then that hits you because you realize how special this really is. Like Prince, for instance. I remember the first time I listened to Prince. I was delivering newspapers at the time and I listened to "I Want to Be Your Lover" and I was like, "Who the fuck is this guy, man?" This guy was coming out of nowhere. He was completely androgynous, like beauty. He was a beautiful man with his long flowing hair. And the first album is him with his shirt off just staring at you. Like, "What the fuck is going on?" And then "I Want to Be Your Lover," I heard that and I was like, "Oh my god, this guy's talented." But he was like out of nowhere talented, you know what I mean? Like who the fuck was like that guy before him, right? He was completely different than anybody that came before him. The only one I think that people would compare was Michael Jackson because of the... he was very different too, right? But that hit because I remember when Prince came out, I'm like, "Oh, he's trying to be Michael Jackson." But he wasn't.
--:-- Carrot Top: What year is this?
--:-- Joe Rogan: This is his first performance. Let me hear some of this.
--:-- [Video plays: Prince's first performance]
--:-- Joe Rogan: There you go. There's your song. What a song. Look at him. No, yeah. Bro, you could... it's so funny. This video, if you took the sound off this and you put in like "Cinderella," it would probably match his... but Aerosmith. But look at how he's doing it. And he'd be like, "Walk this way."
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's got it. Even if he took the phone, it looks like it's rock and roll.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, he was so compelling.
--:-- Carrot Top: He was so compelling. "All I ever wanted to do, I want to be a lover." I bet women were so confused why they wanted to fuck him. Like, "Why do I want to fuck that woman?"
--:-- Carrot Top: They wanted to fuck him, and they did. Like, he cracked the code. He figured something out. And they did. Like, when you're a 5'3" dude with an insane amount of talent, and you're wearing stiletto heels on stage, and everybody wants to fuck you. Because he was that fucking talented. He was that talented.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And then also his music was so wild. Like that song "Head." I remember that song. That was like, what year was "Head"? Was it like '86 or something like that?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Wow. 1980. So this was before I was in high school, son. This is before I was in high school. You had a song about blowjobs.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. "Morning, noon, and night, I'll give you head. Till you burn it up, head. Do you love his red head? Love you till you're dead. Ow."
--:-- Joe Rogan: You know, Prince's people reached out to our people one night and asked if they could come to the show when he was at the Rio.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And we said, well, fuck yeah. What do you mean? Of course we would. And they said there's only one caveat.
--:-- Carrot Top: So what is that?
--:-- Joe Rogan: You can't curse. Prince hates cursing?
--:-- Carrot Top: For real?
--:-- Joe Rogan: For real? Well, yeah. Maybe he just wanted to fuck with you. Maybe. "How much power do I have? Yeah, I do tell him. I don't think I want to hear swears tonight." I would tell my people. I said, hold on a second. He's telling me I can't curse? I said, yeah, that's the only thing. I said, but he has a song called "Cream." Get off.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. "Cream," right?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. And they're like, yeah. I'm like, no, I'm not going to change my whole... Oh, he became a devoted Jehovah's Witness and as a result stopped using profanity. Even implementing a cash swear jar at his Paisley Park studio to enforce his no swearing policy. Witnesses believe that using blasphemous or foul language is a sin and Prince adhered to this tenet by removing swear words from his music and charging people for any foul language spoken at his compound. I'm already down like 200 bucks today, I think.
--:-- Carrot Top: As much as I love that guy, I would not visit him. I would be like, I can't do that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, that's what I said. I don't want to do that. Well, that's what I said. Maybe I would. Maybe I'd visit him once. Maybe I'd talk to him once. I would just like, if I'm going to go talk to a priest, I'm not going to go swear. You know what I mean?
--:-- Joe Rogan: I'm going to try to be nice. But at a certain point in time, I don't want to perpetuate this really stupid idea that different sounds that you make with your mouth are uniquely offensive. It's what you're saying. It's supposed to be a sound that I make so you know what I'm thinking. And if you have words that you could substitute for these thoughts... If you have a thought that is only expressed through "fuck you," right? Like we know what "fuck you" means. And everybody says "fuck you." For you to say that you can't say that anymore, you're manipulating language to make it have less nuance. That's never good.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Like it's already not nuanced enough. It still doesn't quite grasp exactly what you're thinking or what you're saying. And the worst case scenario of it is when someone writes down what you're saying instead of hearing you say it in context with the conversation that you're having. So it's like anybody who says you don't use certain words, stop being a baby. These are just noises you make so that we can understand. All that shit is nonsense. It's stupid.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's stupid.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And it was mostly created, I think, first of all, on television, right? Television, you had advertising. And that was the only place where there was advertising. And so that was the only place that had a proven audience. But to keep that proven audience on NBC and CBS, you had to institute laws where you literally would get fined a serious amount of money if you swore on TV. And then cable came along and everybody, you know, Sam Kinison was like HBO and you like, "What? This is way better. Why can we just talk?" But again, this is cave people. Kinison on HBO was '86.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No one knew what the fuck was going on, dude. No one knew what the fuck was going on back then.
--:-- Carrot Top: Prior? Yeah. It was just amazing.
--:-- Joe Rogan: When I was a kid, I was at my friend Jimmy Lawless' house, and we watched Eddie Murphy, *Delirious*. I think we were all like, what year was that? I want to say I was 15, maybe? *Delirious*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I want to say I was like 15 or 16. I couldn't believe how funny it was. I was like, this is insane. He's talking about the honeymooners fucking each other in the ass. Like what? Jackie Gleason is fucking Ed Norton in the ass? "Norton, I've been looking at you." You're like, this is insane. How is this on TV?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Unbelievable. So that makes me like 15. Fucking crazy. It was so good, dude. And it was new. It was like all of a sudden you're hearing someone just swearing on TV. Like this is crazy. How am I even watching this?
--:-- Joe Rogan: That was a big change in the cable.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, cable and then VHS tapes where you can go and like you could rent *Delirious*. And people would rent it. Wasn't it too when we had to write?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, you'd go home and put it in. You'd get your popcorn out and go to watch the lyrics. We were cave people.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, we were cave people.
--:-- Joe Rogan: We were cave people. We were telling stories by the fire.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, literally.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, God. I done bear. I'm starving. Oh. That was our form of entertainment. It's so weird. You think back about that. You keep bringing this up. Isn't that weird? Because I'm about your age. We didn't have any. Like you said, we didn't even have an answering machine.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, we had nothing.
--:-- Carrot Top: We had nothing.
--:-- Joe Rogan: We had nothing. I think we are the perfect people to really understand the change that society has gone through and how spectacular that change is because we were there when there was none, when there was nothing.
--:-- Carrot Top: We're walkie-talkies. We're crazy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That was huge to have a walkie-talkie. If somebody had a walkie-talkie, that was nuts. You could talk to your friend in your bedroom. You had to be quiet. "Bro, what's going on over there? Over."
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: As long as you guys are like reasonably close. "Mom just pulled in. Over." It was the craziest thing in the world. You could talk on a walkie-talkie. Or I knew a dude who had a CB in his car. He just had random conversations with people.
--:-- Carrot Top: Bro, they would just start.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they would just have conversations and people would meet people. Like you said, *Smokey and the Bandit*. That was about the time you're talking about where they had CBs. But they're also like cavemen. They were just... it was... but you were the cool guy if you had a CB in your truck.
--:-- Carrot Top: If you had a CB in your truck, you were cool.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Didn't Burt Reynolds have a CB in his Trans Am?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, of course he did.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, he had to.
--:-- Joe Rogan: In the Burt Reynolds Trans Am.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, he did. "Hey, Big Nugget, what's up?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's right. "We're going to pull over here and feed the dog."
--:-- Joe Rogan: "10-4, good buddy." That is the ultimate cool guy.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, look at that. He's got a walkie-talkie in his Trans Am with a cowboy hat on.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Fucking right. That's my... Fuck. By the way, it is one of my only movies that I own on my iPod.
--:-- Carrot Top: Bro, it is another archaeological site. It's a dig. They've dug down to another time of human beings where this is the coolest guy in the world. A guy runs from the cops in a Trans Am with a firebird on the fucking hood. And he's talking on a CB with a cowboy hat on. And that was the first movie. It's like Greek theater. First movie, they broke the camera. The third, what do you call that?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, the third wall?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Fourth Wall?
--:-- Carrot Top: Fourth Wall.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Fourth Wall.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's right when he's first being chased. He's going down the, he loses him in the alley in the very beginning chase scene. And he's going like, he's backing in like this. And he looks at the camera and he goes... It's like, "That was fucking awesome." Like, he just gave that look.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, Burt Reynolds had so much charisma. It was great. He was so good. And the fucking sheriff. I mean, goddammit, how great is that whole movie?
--:-- Carrot Top: But you know what moves really great? "Give me a dabble sandwich and a Dr. Pepper very quick. I'm in a goddamn hurry."
--:-- Joe Rogan: "Where are you at?"
--:-- Carrot Top: "Who's chasing you?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: "No one's chasing me. I'm Sheriff Buford T. Justice. No one's chasing me. You stay here and you think about it, but don't do it."
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Because the kid's on the car. Dude, Jackie Gleason was amazing in that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's an attention getter.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He was so good in that movie.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's called an intention getter.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do you remember Burt Reynolds in *Deliverance*?
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh yeah, absolutely.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That was an insane role. Crazy, crazy. That was an insane role. That was when you get to see him as an actual actor. You like, "Oh, this guy was good." He was a good actor. It was a great movie. You know what I mean? Like it wasn't just *Smokey and the Bandit*.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, sure.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, the guy having a good time, super charming, great mustache, smiling at the camera.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, right, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He was fun, man. Like, in *Deliverance*, man. Look at that. It was like right out of him, right when he was done playing football.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yep. That's right, he kills a guy with a bow, doesn't he?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Crazy movie.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, man, it was a good movie.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That was a good movie. That was an intense movie. I got to meet him.
--:-- Carrot Top: He's cool as hell. That's a very intense movie. He had a pie fight. You had a pie fight with Burt Reynolds?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, I was on *The Tonight Show*. Burt Reynolds, this is crazy. Burt Reynolds was the lead guest. He came out and talked about being married like nine times. Mark Summers, who hosted the game show, whatever it was, Mark Summers, he came out and Burt moves down to the second chair and Mark sits. Here's Jay. And he puts his back to Burt and he starts telling them, you know, something about being, you know, "I've only been married once." And Burt's over there, you know, kind of getting a little... First, he's got his back to him. Then he takes the cup, the mug, and he says, he went to take it. He says, "Is this mine?" He says, "I don't give a shit." And he says, "Well, you've been married five times. I don't want to..." He's trying to be funny. Like, "I don't drink after you've been married five times." It's kind of hurt. They got... Oh, here it is. Now, here's the best part. I'm, watch.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, no, this is real shit. I'm a guest. I'm going to... He threw a drink on him.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Is this planned?
--:-- Joe Rogan: And who's the other dude? Mark Summers.
--:-- Carrot Top: And who's Mark Summers? He's the host of *Double Dare*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: *Double Dare*, thank you. Nickelodeon stuff. Now watch how angry Burt, watch him. They didn't have this planned, by the way. But Burt hits him hard.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That hurt. Look at the torque he got in that right hand. I want you to watch this again.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He got hip into that.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, he was fucking pissed.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He got his right shoulder. At the end, if you watch it, he'll go, "Hey, Kirito will be here tomorrow night." At the end. Look at this frame by frame. Well, he's a fucking football player, too.
--:-- Carrot Top: Bro, bro, he clocked that, dude. Look at his face. Look at that freeze frame. That guy should be ashamed of that look for the rest of his life. "How dare you?" Right there is scary. If I was friends with that dude, I'd be like, "No, you're not going to do that. He's going to kill you."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Bro, look at that torque he got into that.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah, well, let's say he's a football player.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Bro, that was like... And I'm backstage going, "Am I going on?" No, we're going to cut you. Actually, I just want to say that guy's got a great chin.
--:-- Carrot Top: He's smiling.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, he better smile. He just got bitch slapped. But he took a great shot, I want to say. He says, "We'll be right back with Karen." No, "Tomorrow night we'll have Karen." That was salt and pepper, Jay.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Another guy that took way too much shit. Jay. They gave him so much of a hard time. It's just like when Larry Holmes became the heavyweight champ of the world after Muhammad Ali. Everybody hated Larry Holmes. When Jay Leno took over after Johnny Carson, there's a bunch of people. He got a lot of grief for that. For no reason.
--:-- Carrot Top: No reason.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Because he was put on great shows, too. Super nice guy. The writing was great. The work shows were great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I always had a good time talking to him. He's always a nice guy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's a nice guy. And what he should have been doing all along is really what he's doing now, is his car shows.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Because that guy, if you talk to him about cars, he's so entertaining. He loves cars.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He loves them. I mean, he knows more about cars probably than anybody I've ever met in my life. He's got an insane collection, and he likes everything. He likes old Datsuns. Anything. He's got a fire truck.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yep, yep, yep.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's just a genuine fan of automobiles. And the way he talks about it is so entertaining.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yep, no. Because that's really what he wants to do. And he's also crazy, right? Because he's unstoppable. So he fell off that cliff or whatever the fuck it was, right? You heard about this.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, what happened to him? I just talked to him in Vegas. He went and saw him. And I said, "How are you doing?" I said, "You can still see like a little bit of bruising because it was about two weeks after he had the fall."
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, Jesus.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He was out and about two weeks later?
--:-- Carrot Top: What do you mean? He did the show that night.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yes, he fell.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Did he get a concussion?
--:-- Carrot Top: How he says it, he says, "There was a Golden Corral next to the La Quinta." First thing I said to him, I said, "Are you okay?" I said, "My question, what the fuck are you staying at La Quinta?" And he goes, "We all can't have the Fourth of the Year." I said, "No, but really, what happened?" He said, "I didn't spend any of his money." He walked out of the La Quinta and it was a little hill, like not even like a hill. He went hiking.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He went hiking with like slippery shoes on probably.
--:-- Carrot Top: He said, "The Golden Corral." He's probably wearing dress shoes.
--:-- Carrot Top: And his denim. And so he went, he just looked, it was a little deeper than he thought. And he slip fell and hit his eye, you know, right in the thing where it's bad. So he went and got his Golden Corral, got his food, went to the club and went on stage bleeding.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's so crazy.
--:-- Carrot Top: And I said, "What do you mean?" I said, "What do you mean? The show must go on." He said, "I just held the mic with his hand and said, 'How about Mary Guy?'" And I'm like, it's just amazing to me. If I tripped my nail, I'd cancel.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He told this insane story, rather, of a show that he had to do with a priest and a mob guy where the mob guy was yelling at the priest and swearing and Jay's like yelling and swearing, doing the same, like saying what the mob guy said. I was like seeing Jay Leno talk like that was like, what? Right? Yeah, he was doing this like super hyper violent Italian mob guy screaming obscenities at this priest and Jay Leno was yelling it out. It's a fucking amazing story.
--:-- Carrot Top: And was it a show?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, it was a show that he was doing like, you know, before he made it. It was like back in the day. He did some sort of a show where, you know, I think it was like a benefit or something like that where there was a priest involved. And then the mob guy got mad at the priest and was yelling at him. It's a fucking hilarious story. But that guy doesn't spend any of his *Tonight Show* money. He lives all entirely off his stand-up money, which is crazy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: So he's just stockpiling it all at the La Quinta Inn.
--:-- Carrot Top: La Quinta, that's right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Someone needs to tell him. Money's a fun coupon.
--:-- Carrot Top: Under 17, I'd admit it without parent. You came high. You should be just squirreling it away. Have fun with them.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But people that started out poor, which is like basically most comics, once you start making money, it's hard to believe that you're ever going to keep making money. You start panicking.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You know, they're going, "Oh, my God, I've got to save this."
--:-- Joe Rogan: "I've got to save it."
--:-- Joe Rogan: And then if you carry that into your 70s and 80s, somebody should sit you down and have a talk with you. Like, "I'm your financial advisor, and now's the time to go crazy."
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, you're good now.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You should be looking into cocaine. You should probably buy more cars. Let's spend some of this shit. As your final advice, I think you should start spending shit. As your advisor, we need to buy some ridiculous shit. Let's find a drug habit. Let's get you in a drug habit. Let's get you in a nice car.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Let's do something. You need to start buying stuff. You should have way more cars.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's great. You're right. What are you saving up for, bro? This is the end times. This is it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, because I don't, yeah. I don't, family, you know that. It's like I know a lot of people have a lot of kids and a lot of that you save up for them, but... You know them like... Given a ton of money. Yeah, giving kids a ton of money is not necessarily good for them.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Like if you look historically at people that got trust funds, it's a weird road to go down and not have any ambition or not have to have any ambition. Maybe you do have it like inherently, but for a lot of them, it's like they don't have to make it, they don't have... And I think that's, unfortunately, in this society that we live in, that doesn't seem to work. Like in this society, it's very difficult to not be able to take care of yourself. And if you can take care of yourself, you got to kind of learn how to do it. You can't just be constantly relying on other people because I think it hinders your growth as a person.
--:-- Carrot Top: Absolutely. You know what I mean? I think it fucks with you. Like every guy that I've ever met that comes from a family that gives them, not every guy, but a lot of guys that I've met that come... I've met some cool ones. They come from a family with a lot of money and they've never had to worry and they have trust funds and they never really have had a job. They're all weird.
--:-- Carrot Top: They're all weird. It's like cement that didn't get the amount of water that it needs when you're mixing it. It's always weird.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yep. It seems like everyone I know too, every comic, artist, whatever, everyone, all their stories are the same, that they came from nothing. And that's if you think about it, almost every comic and artist I know, they didn't have money.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, but it's not mutually exclusive.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's not. There are people that have come from great families and great backgrounds that just haven't been funny.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's a weird thing, man. Like, talent is an odd thing. It really is. A very weird thing. Like, there's certain universal truths, like you're going to find more talent probably in harder communities. Like, you're going to have better rock and roll in, like, the dingy fucking outskirts of town. Like, those guys are going to be Nirvana, right? But I love hearing, like, a Billy Joel story where you can relate to it. Like, you know, "I started cutting lawns at eight years old." I'm like, "I started cutting lawns at eight years old," you know, literally. And, you know, nowadays, no kids don't do anything. And I'm like, yeah, I did that. Billy Joel was a boxer. I cleaned office buildings and I did everything, you know.
--:-- Carrot Top: He was a boxer?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, Billy Joel was a boxer.
--:-- Carrot Top: I did not know that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I don't know how many fights that he had. I think he lost.
--:-- Carrot Top: Are you being funny? Really? Billy Joel was a boxer?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Billy Joel was a boxer, yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: I did not know that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, I think he was good. I think he was pretty good. I mean, I think it was a good amateur level. 22 and 2?
--:-- Carrot Top: 22 and 2?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Really? Gosh, I didn't know that.
--:-- Carrot Top: Was that professional?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Golden Gloves.
--:-- Carrot Top: Golden Gloves, so amateur level.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, legit boxer. I just know that he was broke.
--:-- Carrot Top: I did not know that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, he's a guy whose music changed radically. Like if you go back and listen to "Captain Jack," from "Captain Jack" to "Uptown Girls," like, oh. You know, it's great music, it was a huge hit, but it's a different vibe. It's like a guy who's in love now and he's got a supermodel for a wife and he's worth a billion dollars. It's like "Captain Jack" was his gritty Long Island story. I was like, fuck, that's a good song.
--:-- Carrot Top: But you're right, you can see how their life changes and their music changes. Like you said, now he's got a, you know, "Uptown Girl."
--:-- Carrot Top: Got money, I got a, you know.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You ever heard the song "Billy the Kid"?
--:-- Carrot Top: Uh, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's got some great fucking songs.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, the one that was special I just saw was... Wasn't it "Billy the Kid"? Is that the name of that song? It's a great... The one that got me on the special was "The Entertainer." I thought that was interesting because it was ripping on...
--:-- Joe Rogan: It was ripping on show business.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, "The Ballad of Billy Kidd." That is a great fucking song. My parents had that album on vinyl when I was a kid. I listened to it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What year was that? '73.
--:-- Carrot Top: '73, son.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I listened to that, and I was like, this is, again, this is an archaeological dig. You know? You're going to the beginnings of certain genres of music and certain kinds of music. And back then, that's how you got it. You heard it on the radio, and you went out and bought an album, and you sat there.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, and looked at it and looked at the artwork.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And the needle goes over the thing.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, read the paper.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, weird. But "The Entertainer" one was interesting because the record label had asked him to come up with a hit.
--:-- Carrot Top: Uh-huh.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, that's why he wrote it that way?
--:-- Carrot Top: No, I don't know. It was just on a – I just watched – I remember exactly how it went down. But he said, yeah, they were saying they need a hit off this album and to make this big hit. So he wrote that, and when he played it to them, they're like, "Fuck you, we're getting rid of you." So they got rid of him and the label dropped him because it's all about that, and they get the money, they take all your money, and they don't care about you. And I'm like, that's ballsy, right? They want a hit, and you basically say how much... you know, like the Luxor says 20 years, could you do something special for me? And I have this big roast, and how horrible the Luxor is, and how much they... you know, it just shit like that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That is funny.
--:-- Carrot Top: It was a real album, a real song, and they were like, "No, you're done."
--:-- Joe Rogan: They should have just took it on the chin. Look, the guy became huge after that.
--:-- Carrot Top: Stupid.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You fucking dumbasses. You got rid of him. Now they say that. You got rid of him. He sold a billion albums.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Now they're down.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's got some great fucking, just "The Piano Man."
--:-- Carrot Top: "The Piano Man." Alone. That one song alone is great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, how about "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant"?
--:-- Carrot Top: All right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh my God. That is a fantastic song. And it's another, it's a story. It's a story of people's lives, you know, and it's relatable. It's like it's real. It's raw. It's, you know, again, it's like a window into a different time. It's a bottle of red, right? And I always used to make a joke about that in my show. "A bottle of red and it says bottles of white." So apparently he didn't like red as much as whites. He has plural in the – he said "bottle of red, bottles of white."
--:-- Carrot Top: Does he say that?
--:-- Joe Rogan: And I'm like, oh, he must have had – he liked more white wine. That's how I pick up shit.
--:-- Carrot Top: Are you sure that's the lyrics or did you just say that for the song?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, I think it's the lyrics.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, I think it says "bottle of red."
--:-- Joe Rogan: "Bottles of what?" Now you got to look it up. I thought he said "a bottle of white."
--:-- Carrot Top: "Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, fuck. I don't know. "I can eat you anytime you want at our Italian restaurant." Maybe I could be wrong.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, that is a great fucking song. That's a great song. "Bottle of red." It's just "bottle of whites." You're right. "A bottle of whites."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Interesting. See? I knew it was something odd. But it's still a bottle. It's a "bottles of white," right. That's a weird way to write. "A bottle of whites." It's wine, so it could be multiple kinds of white wine in one bottle. What if Jamie got in touch with one of those? I mean, what I'm trying to say is...
--:-- Carrot Top: So a blend, that would be a bottle of whites.
--:-- Joe Rogan: So I was onto something there, right? Because I used to sing it and go, why is he saying that? Isn't that funny that some people don't like their grapes mixed? "Don't you dare serve me a blend." Some people don't want a blend. Is that a blend of a Cabernet and a Merlot? Oh, you fucking... That's crazy. "Don't serve me a goddamn blend. I don't want a blend. I don't want a chardonnay." How weird are people? "I'm going to give you a little bit of this bird and a little bit of that bird, okay? Fuck off." People are so weird.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's a blend. People that get super down with wine.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, yeah. I got a buddy who's a wine, a legit wine connoisseur. My buddy Matt. So I could call him up out of nowhere. I'd be at a restaurant and I'd send him a picture of the wine list. "Tell me what to get." And he'd look at it for like three seconds. And you're like, "This is great. What are you guys eating? Steak? Get this." And he would tell you how to do it. But he got scammed.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, he didn't get scammed.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But there was a guy that he was friends with that was a gigantic scammer. And I don't think this guy ever got him. But what this guy was doing was they were all these wine connoisseurs. And this guy was selling really rare wine that was counterfeit. It was fake. So he had infiltrated this thing, this wine group. And he was a con man. And what he was doing was taking a bunch of different wines and mixing them and then trying to sell it as this like 1970 impossible bottle from Bordeaux.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And so he would age the paper on the bottles and shit. And they raided his house. They found empty bottles everywhere. He was taking labels off of things and copying them and printing them.
--:-- Carrot Top: I have that with lube. I do. You got to get the real stuff. It's hard. You got to get it from Portugal. I sold my house. Jesus Christ.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But this documentary really highlighted in my eyes, at least for some of those people, that it's kind of bullshit. Like you think you know the difference between really good old wine. But this guy just tricked you. And he tricked a lot of them. A couple guys he didn't trick. There was one guy in particular. This guy was like, "This is trash."
--:-- Carrot Top: I was just going to say.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, one guy was like, "This is trash." But the other guy was just raving about it. All of a sudden his opinion he questioned. Like, what? I just thought this was great. I thought it was crazy. He's like, "No, that's just terrible, terrible, it's skunk piss." Like it was weird. That's crazy.
--:-- Carrot Top: What was the wine movie that I... what was the... the wine...
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, this was a wine documentary called *Sour Grapes*.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, no, I'm trying to think of the guy who said, "No more fucking Merlot."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, yes, that one.
--:-- Carrot Top: What was that?
--:-- Joe Rogan: *Sideways*.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's right, that's right. That guy came to my show. "I'm not drinking fucking Merlot." That guy came to my show. He's a brilliantly nice, sweet guy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, that's awesome.
--:-- Carrot Top: Great guy. Just like in the movie, just so nice. And he came with Kieran Culkin, Macaulay Culkin's brother.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, he's great in *Succession*.
--:-- Carrot Top: Great, great. They were filming an Audi commercial or something.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What was that guy's name again? Giamatti?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, Paul Giamatti.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Paul Giamatti. He's so nice. He came back. He's amazing in everything. I said, "Would you, could you, would you, no, because they want a drink. Anyone want a drink?" And they're like, "Yeah, I'll take whatever you got." I said, "We have a whole bar." I said, "Do you want to..." I said, "Do you want a Merlot?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: I'm going to have a Merlot. And just his face, he was so funny. He like—I just said it but I didn't say it like I was trying to be funny. I said, "We have this, we have below." And he like—I said, "Oh, I just fucking—" He said, "No."
--:-- Joe Rogan: And then we did a video together. I said, "I'm trying to think if I find somebody I could share my low with." It pans over to him. He's like, "Not in fucking hell." It was just such a great—he's such a great guy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He was great in that Howard Stern movie. He was, wasn't he?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, *Private Parts*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I mean, NBC.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, he was really good in that.
--:-- Carrot Top: I'm saying it, WNBC.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, WNBC. Yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, he's a good guy on top of that. Great guy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Merlot got a bad name after that movie. If I was in the Merlot business, I would have been furious.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, no doubt. These motherfuckers, they're downplaying Merlot. I always liked Merlot, and then all of a sudden I had a shady opinion of it. They did that with me on *South Park*. It said that I was junk. I'm like, fuck.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Did they? They got you?
--:-- Carrot Top: In a roundabout way, you know. *South Park*. They were doing—everyone's parodied me and it's always been something stupid. Like—
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's just amazing how long—
--:-- Carrot Top: I was in an Indian casino and it said like "Carrot Scalp," you know, "tonight playing at the show." Who says that? It's like, it was in like *Simpsons* or *Family Guy*. Just for jokes.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Just for jokes. *South Park* has been around longer than anything ever that's still good.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Like, how do they do it?
--:-- Carrot Top: I don't know. Brilliant. It's just weird that they're still so on top of it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's—they're so driven to still push the boundaries and make it really funny.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And it's been going on since—I was saying, my God, how many years? Like the first video I think was '95 or '96 or something like that. The one that they were passing around the VHS one with Brian Boitano.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What year was that? I think it was '95 or '95 or '96 because I remember people on *NewsRadio* were passing it around and we were like, "What the fuck is this? This is crazy."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, everyone was passing around. We're like, "This is insane. This is so insane, so good." And I don't think it had a home yet. I don't think it was on Comedy Central yet.
--:-- Carrot Top: The first one they made was a '92.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Whoa. Which one was that?
--:-- Carrot Top: Which one was that? Trying to see which—it says which is the "What Would Brian Boitano Do?" That's what everybody would say. We'd be walking around the *NewsRadio* set going, "What would Brian Boitano do?" It's fucking—Jesus is there. And it's just so ridiculous. That was actually in their first movie in '99.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Which that came quick. The Brian Boitano thing was?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, that was in the movie. *South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Really? So what was the '95 one or the '94 one?
--:-- Carrot Top: So they made fun of Brian Boitano in *The Spirit of Christmas*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: So that came out in '99? That was like the last year of *NewsRadio*. I don't even know if I have a false memory now.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That was the one that was Jesus versus Santa fighting?
--:-- Carrot Top: That's the first one. Yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: There's no Brian Boitano in that one?
--:-- Carrot Top: He says, "What would Brian Boitano do?" in that. But the song isn't until later.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, right.
--:-- Carrot Top: But that's when he says it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Okay. I thought it was going crazy. It's just hilarious still. I thought I had a fake memory.
--:-- Carrot Top: It says, yeah, Stan Marsh says to Cartman, "What would Brian Boitano do?" as Jesus battles Santa. That's right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Okay. You had me thinking I was crazy.
--:-- Carrot Top: The song was way bigger than—
--:-- Carrot Top: But the show went where he says it. It was on the show.
--:-- Joe Rogan: So that was the verse. I was like, "Am I losing my fucking mind?" Like, no, I know it was on the first one.
--:-- Carrot Top: But it was just so groundbreaking. And the brilliance of it was that you don't have to have it look realistic. So you can get away with so much more. Like when he stuffs what's-her-face up his ass—who did he? Paris Hilton. All right, when he had a slut-off and stuffs Paris Hilton up his ass. It's like, you can do that right? If it doesn't look real, right? Like if it's super realistic and 3D, you can't do that. It has to look like *South Park*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, they can get away with so much. They can kill kids. They kill Kenny every week. No one complains.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yep. Poor fucker dies.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Imagine if this is like a graphic 3D video that looks hyper realistic. You can't do it. It has to look like complete nonsense. And then we'll let you get away with almost anything. That's probably how they sold it that way.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, if you think about it. They bought it that way. There's like levels of realism that will allow you to get away with more if it's less realistic.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. Like that's why we used to allow like *Roadrunner*. Like Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner would drop dynamite on him. Shit was always happening. He was always getting fucked up. That was okay because it was cartoons.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right. But you couldn't have blood, like blood all over the place. But if you make them look so goofy that their head's just a big circle and they have like a little stick around, then you can have blood all over the place and nobody complains.
--:-- Carrot Top: Exactly. Weird, right? It's kind of weird. It's like the less realistic, but we know what it is. They killed a kid. They're like, "Well, you killed Kenny, you bastards." And no one has a problem with it. Which is because it's unrealistic. It's kind of weird, right?
--:-- Joe Rogan: I think it's exactly how you put it. It's kind of weird. It's a perfect cheat code. It makes everything more funny because you never feel guilty laughing. No matter what. When Cartman was in bed with Saddam Hussein, or when Satan, rather, was in bed. There's just so many scenes where you're like, there's no way to do this unless you have cartoons. It's brilliant. Because you would never be able to get away with it.
--:-- Carrot Top: No. Like the one when they skirted around drawing Muhammad. They kind of skirted around. They never drew him. They like drew that—there was this like, "Oh, there's a truck and he's inside the truck in a bear suit."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. You can do things in cartoons that you just can't do in any other realm. It's a perfect medium for comedy. And you can keep the kids young forever.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You know, they're always going to be in high school. Like nobody questions the fact they've been in high school for 40 years.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. No, it's just down. It's just there in high school. That's how it goes.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's true. They don't have to grow up.
--:-- Carrot Top: Shut the fuck up. Why are they gonna—why they have to grow up? See if they made now—what if they did make a cartoon with the aged? "Oh, I'm—they funny like I know—you want to see me? I look good." It'll be sad.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's fun when he's the way he is now. He's like a little kid. It's still—I still like throwing hissy fits. It's fun. He's still a little kid. You know, you don't want to—there's certain people you don't want to see them when they get full grown or when they're over the other side of it.
--:-- Carrot Top: When the wheels start falling off.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. You know.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's what I mean, though. For the special, their end episode, they should do it.
--:-- Carrot Top: When it's all done. This is the final. They're all aged and they didn't have the voice quite still.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What they should do is do a 3D, like hyper realistic version of the show. Just do it all through AI for the last episode and just have it the most violent, most ridiculous. And see how people deal with it. Like, bro, this is exactly what we been showing you for 40 years.
--:-- Carrot Top: That will be a hit. It wouldn't be allowed to—
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, have some.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I like coffee.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, thanks.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Thank you.
--:-- Carrot Top: Cheers, sir.
--:-- Joe Rogan: All right, cheers to you. Bomb, bomb.
--:-- Carrot Top: Thank you for having me.
--:-- Joe Rogan: My pleasure. I'm looking forward to seeing you on *Kill Tony*, too. That's going to be really fun.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, that's fun. You know, last time I did it once.
--:-- [Ad break for OnX Hunt and 8Sleep]
--:-- Joe Rogan: Did you do it at the club or did you do it at a big place?
--:-- Carrot Top: At the club. At the club.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, it was fun. And it was loud and intimate. And it was just—you know, I told him before I did, I said, "I'm not into critiquing people because I've been shit on my whole career. I don't want to tell these comics what they're doing right or wrong. Coming from me, really." He said, "No, no, no, that's not how it works. You just play, just be you, just be yourself." And it was great because I could just, you know, if there was something specific that I thought was kind of wrong or off, I could say it in a very nice way. But most of them were—they're good.
--:-- Joe Rogan: This guy's come out and they got their minutes, they pop them out.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Of course you'd see a couple right, you know, the first 10 seconds in you're like, "Okay, it's already not funny." You know, they're just so nervous. They're just—you can see the mic shaking.
--:-- Carrot Top: Um, but some would have really quality written jokes.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: There's a lot of funny, really, really out there. And there's also because of *Kill Tony*, people realize that if they can put together a minute, it can change their whole fucking life.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Your whole fucking life. Look at Cam Patterson, just got on *Saturday Night Live*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I mean, look at these guys. They're killing. Unbelievable. William Montgomery's killing it.
--:-- Carrot Top: You know, there was a couple there out that night that they were really good.
--:-- Carrot Top: And I think Tony tapped me under the chair at one point. "Next guy." You know, he came out and I was like, "Holy shit, he was solid." Already, already polished.
--:-- Joe Rogan: There's a lot of these guys that do that show. They do one minute and then they go, "We'd love to have you back." And then they come back, they do another minute. The crowd remembers them from the old show. All of a sudden they have like 25,000 Instagram followers. Then it's 100, then it's 150. Things start rolling. It's like, "Oh, you have a real pathway." If you work hard, if you really fucking focus and really just really dial it in, really work on your material, really work, do as many sets around town as you can, you might be able to do this for a living. And if you can, it's the greatest fucking job in the world.
--:-- Carrot Top: So there's already a couple that I've been watching. They are there. There's more now than ever before. It used to be like there was a bunch of like bad people and every now and then someone would come on with promise. Now it seems to me to be more slanted towards people that are good. It's like a high level, or high percentage rather, of people that are good.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Then I thought I was there. They were really good.
--:-- Joe Rogan: A lot of them are really good. And it's, again, there's a pathway.
--:-- Carrot Top: There was one that came out and I said—and it was kind of funny how he—the microphone was up high because the guy before him was like 6'5" or something. This guy comes out, he's like four feet. So it's already funny because they bring him out and he goes to grab the mic and he just takes it and puts it behind him and takes the mic and goes into his bit. And I'm like, so it got all done. He said—um, he's how I said it was great. I said, "The only thing I would have done in the beginning—you already had a laugh. The microphone was, you know, so reference it. At least reference it. You don't have to do a thing." He said, "Yeah, well that'd be a prop." And I said, "No, it's already a fucking prop. It's not—you didn't bring it. He didn't make it. It's there. It's a prop that's usable." Every comic uses it for everything from a guitar.
--:-- Carrot Top: For change on the beach. Every comic is down there. Everybody. So I said, "No, no, no, you don't have to make a prop joke. I said, just reference it. You should at least reference it. Like, 'This is already not going well' something." And because the crowd was waiting for something and he didn't do it. And after the show he said, "I'm going to use that. That's good." I said, "Well, you have to follow a tall guy every time for it to work. Yeah, don't say—set the microphone really high for my first joke. And it only worked because it was improper. It happened right." And then he goes—and I told him that. I said, "You don't—don't do it unless it happens. You don't want to have it set that way."
--:-- Carrot Top: And it's dumb.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, I think for some people they don't know how to start, you know. And they're doing something like that and it's—well, the starting is hard for everybody. It's not just that. It's like this overwhelming anxiety. You have one minute and you can't believe you're on a stage in front of this—like a lot of them, it's their first show. Some of them, first show, Madison Square Garden.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, Jesus.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, imagine first time on stage—no, no, Madison Square Garden—and you're bombing, man.
--:-- Carrot Top: I didn't know. So they do it. They do that same format with Madison Square Garden. And it's 100% random. People have tried to get people on, and Tony won't do it. He like, "No, no, no, that not how it works. No, what we do is everybody just signs up and I reach into that bucket and I pull out names."
--:-- Carrot Top: You can rig it. You can rig it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, I knew that part of it, but I didn't know they did it in Madison Square Garden.
--:-- Carrot Top: They do it that way everywhere.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, one thing they do in Madison Square Garden is they have a legends bucket. So they have a bunch of people backstage, like Jim Norton, Big Jay Oakerson. A lot of people did it when I was there. David Tell. And then they'll pull it out and then David Tell will come up and do a minute of stand-up and everybody goes crazy, or do five minutes or whatever. But he makes it so that even if someone is terrible for the first time, it's only a minute, and then you have Shane Gillis and whoever else is next to him making fun of it for the next 15, 20 minutes. It's going to be fucking hilarious. And it's also you get to see, "Oh, this is a crazy thing to do. This idea, you're just going to stand up in front of people and talk and hopefully it'll be entertaining."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right. It's great. And sometimes it just goes horribly wrong, and everybody's like, "Boo." You're like, "Ah."
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, I know. The night I was there, everyone was pretty cordial, but I could see it going bad.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Bro, those New Yorkers don't fuck around, man. If you start bombing a little bit, they smell blood.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, no. I did a—my very first time ever in New York City, it was at Catch a Rising Star. It was an old, old, old school club. I go there and I had—it was like, it was pouring down rain or snowing, sleety snow rain. I remember I took my trunk in a taxi and I'd never been to New York City in a club. And I go in, there's like eight people. And, "Oh, fuck." And so the guy's like, "You know, what do you want to bring me up?" I wheel my shit up. I go—it's not even bombing. It's worse than bombing. It's just like never have nothing from a laugh. Nothing.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. And I'm doing like my A shit, you know, literally. I promise. I'm running God. I mean, I've got like, you know, the ice tray with the level so you don't put—you know, and it kills everywhere. You know, nothing. Fucking nothing. And I just go, "All right." I think my opening line was "I have more props than people," which I did. So that got a little laugh, but not even.
--:-- Carrot Top: "I've got more props than fucking people here." Nothing. I get done. I don't even know what to do. I'm shaking so bad. And they said—just—there was no comic, so I just went, "All right, enjoy the next comic." And I put my own mic on a thing because I had that. Anyway, I like just tearful walking. I'm just going to leave this shit. I'm going to get out of business, right? I'm not going to go into comedy. This guy walks by. He goes, "No, leave your shit there. It's good." And he goes up, and like you said, murders. Just absolutely murders. Eight people. It was like a stadium of people laughing. And I'm watching this, I'm like, "Holy fuck." It was Dennis Leary. And he leveled eight people. I couldn't believe it. And I walked off and he walked off and he said, "Hey man." I said, "I was unbelievable." He goes, "No, that shit—that fuck—your shit's fucking amazing." But the thing with the—he was serious. He said that whatever the—you know, "Cowboy Boop with the kickstand. Fuck, that's great." Whatever it was I was doing. And I'm like, "Was he like fucking with me? Because I ate shit and he was—"
--:-- Carrot Top: But I've never gotten to tell him that again. If Dennis Leary watches this show, that was the most coolest thing a comic ever did to me. Just gave me a big hug. He said, "You were fucking great. That crowd sucked." I said, "The crowd didn't suck. You just murdered them. They didn't like me."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, it's a small sample group.
--:-- Carrot Top: He said, "You were great. You were great."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Eight people. You're bombing in front of eight people.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's a pretty easy problem in front of eight people.
--:-- Carrot Top: It was horrible. It happens.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That was one of the great things about the store is that you would get those eight people crowds sometimes. The early days of the store, you would go up. If you got like an 11:30 spot on a Tuesday night, you might go up in front of eight people.
--:-- Carrot Top: That can happen.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Because you probably won't really get on at 11:30 because a bunch of people stop in and do sets. So by the time you get up, it's probably like closer to one.
--:-- Carrot Top: I've been there.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. But those shows show you what's bullshit. They show you—there's something about a small crowd that shows you what you're saying is nonsense. You know, like sometimes you have to figure it out. You have to—and the brutal thing about comedy is you kind of really have to figure it out in front of people with the openness of failing. Right? Like, here's the thing. It's like one of the things about jiu-jitsu. When you learn jiu-jitsu, it's really important to not be afraid to tap. Because if you can just open your game up and not be afraid to tap and tap, you can learn more because you don't do it tense, you do it more playfully and it doesn't mean as much to you when you get tapped. It sounds totally counterintuitive, but if you can just relax and not use your ego, not try to win every session, just try to figure out why you're getting caught and figure out how to avoid it. But don't be worried about tapping. Just tap. Tap whenever you get caught and then just let your ego deal with it and then learn and move on. But you have to experience that. You have to get tapped. You have to get dominated. Like you have to figure out what's good and what's bad. And I think that's the same thing. There's an element of that in comedy too. You got to possibly fail with this idea. You know, like, "I'm gonna throw this out. I have this—this is half cooked. This is a half—this is a weird idea that I have. I'm like, am I crazy? Like, do you think—is this where we're going as a society? Is this where we're going as human beings?" And there's something there. And I'm trying to find it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But I gotta risk not finding it. That's the only way you find it. Because there's writing on stage that you only get—there's certain lines that only come to you when you're willing to step out on stage. But you gotta—you might fucking bomb. You might eat shit. You might have to transfer out of that. Like, it's a balancing act. You might—this bit might not work at all, and then you might have to immediately figure out how to segue into something guaranteed so you can get them back.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, yeah. I do the same. Absolutely. But all my shit, I think, is full cooked. I think I'm out there. "This is good. This has been marinating for a while." And then I'm going to eat shit.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You're like, "Fuck."
--:-- Joe Rogan: "That was a good bit. Damn it."
--:-- Carrot Top: For me, it's—or one night it works right, and then the next night—I just did a joke last night. They killed the night before. Nothing. Crickets. I'm like, "What was the same—"
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do you say it the same way? Do you record yourself?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, I never listen to it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, but that's the thing. I said it a little differently. I've fucked up before what I didn't realize I fucked up. And I said something wrong and I didn't realize I said it wrong until I listened to the recording. I'm like, "Oh, I couldn't." Because I'll fuck words up sometimes.
--:-- Carrot Top: I'm sure.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And just like I talk too much. You know, I really do. I talk way, way too much. So my brain is just like on autopilot talking sometimes.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, I know it's different if I don't say it right. I'm saying if I say it the same one night it gets a great laugh, some next I don't. I'm like, "I don't—I didn't do anything different."
--:-- Joe Rogan: You got to listen to it. You got to listen to it. Because there's a lot of times where you'll say something just slightly different and that slightly different makes all the fucking—
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, but then I had one—this is one last—it's a brand new joke. There's a big, big billboard in Vegas and it's for the Sahara Pool. And it's got this beautiful woman on it. Big, beautiful hot chick. And it says, "Meet me at the pool." So I put it up on the big screen. I said, "This is my favorite billboard. Look this—look at 'Meet Me at the Pool's' hot girl." And I said, "Then you get there and it changes to a big gay pool party. Like 75,000 dudes." And it's a great picture. So I did it last night. Got a laugh, but not like it should have gotten more because it's like—I mean, "Then you get there and you're like, 'Ava? Has anyone's—Ava? Have you seen—you know, she was here earlier. She's probably buried under all that cock or something.'" Last night it just killed. I mean, almost for a minute they're still laughing and applauding. I'm like, "I didn't do anything different. It was just the mood of that audience."
--:-- Joe Rogan: That does happen too. Maybe it was like you were doing better before that, so you had more momentum.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Sometimes it's that.
--:-- Carrot Top: I never—I'm just—I don't have any momentum.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You had some momentum.
--:-- Carrot Top: I just go like that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I've seen your show. Your show in Luxor was really fun.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I saw it. God, it's been a few years. I got to check it out now, but I've had a bunch of my friends come to Vegas and see your show. It's very fun.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's fine. Thank you. On Tuesdays, I do it in Spanish.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, do you really?
--:-- Carrot Top: It's actually—it's great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You speak Spanish?
--:-- Joe Rogan: "How dare you, you son of a bitch."
--:-- Carrot Top: It would be great, though, to do a character. Top Tuesday night is a Spanish night. I come in like, "Hey, sonorio."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Tom Segura, who looks totally white, speaks fluent Spanish and does stand-up in Spanish.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, so he'll do a little tour.
--:-- Carrot Top: I'm going to see him. I'm going to see him.
--:-- Joe Rogan: How many dates did he do where he did—
--:-- Carrot Top: You're going to do *Your Mom's House*?
--:-- Carrot Top: You're going to do his podcast?
--:-- Carrot Top: Or *Two Bears, One Cave*?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Which one are you doing?
--:-- Carrot Top: I'm doing—with his wife.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, yeah. That's *Your Mom's House*.
--:-- Joe Rogan: They're both real fun. I love Bert. Bert's a great example. Bert's a great example of what we were talking about. One time we were at the Improv, and Bert did this joke, this new joke. The first set, it fucking killed. And the second set, it didn't do nearly as well, and he was confused. And I had seen both sets. And I said, "Oh, no, it's because in the first set, you said—" Like, he was at the—excuse me, he was at the supermarket. I know this is already on a special or something, I wouldn't say it. It was like he was at the supermarket and he was standing there talking to his wife. He's like, "God, it's so cold in here." And she looks at him, and she goes, "You are so fat." And he's like, "What?" She goes, "Your dick is hanging out." Like, he didn't realize that his fly was open. He goes raw dog everywhere. He goes raw dog. He's got no underwear on and his zipper's undone. It's like, but the joke was the way it was, like she had said it that way.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Like, "You are so fat. Like, you can't see your dick." So, the first show, he nailed it. He nailed the cadence. But in the second show, like, something was off and he forgot to say one part of it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And I had remembered it from the first show. Like, it's weird. You know, you got to listen. You got to listen. Because it's painful. You hate listening to your own voice. It's gross. You already know the jokes. You're like, "Shut up already. Shut the fuck up. I'm so tired of listening to you talk." But you have to listen to it because if you don't, you're not going to figure out how to do it the best way you can.
--:-- Carrot Top: Really? I think—no, I think that's a great—I just—
--:-- Joe Rogan: But there's a lot of people funnier than me that don't do it that way.
--:-- Carrot Top: I rarely ever want to see myself again.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Everybody's got their own process. I know some guys who are really funny that don't record any of their shows and they don't write at all. They just go up a lot and they have ideas and they work them out on stage. And they're really, really funny.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I am kind of in that with more of my stand-up than the prop shit I build. But the stand-up, I kind of just—I have like a little bullet point. I don't write it out.
--:-- Carrot Top: When you do prop stuff, like how do you even come up with ideas? Like what do you—do you like sit down with like a whiteboard and go, "What can we do?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, I've never written—I've never sat down and said, "I'm going to write today."
--:-- Carrot Top: So how do the gags come to you?
--:-- Joe Rogan: They come just like a lot of them happen by just in a conversation or a story or something. Sometimes I'll see a prop or a prop meaning it's not a prop yet. It's just a thing, a toilet seat. Or I'll see a thing and I'll go, "There's something funny about that." And I think about it. And then I go, "Oh." I was at a Home Depot. I mean I made this like yesterday. I haven't even done it yet. I've never even tried this yet. I'm going to do it on Tony tonight. I've never done it, ever, but I think it's funny. Guys get drunk and they punch walls all the time, right? I had a friend backstage. I said, "What happened to your hand?" He like, "Oh yeah, fuck."
--:-- Carrot Top: I said, "What'd you do?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's like, "I punched a wall." I said, "You punched a wall?" I'm like, "Who the fuck?" And I just thought, I said, "I thought this should be a stud finder, because he hit a stud." So I said, "This should be a beer with a stud finder. So you can find it right before you're drunk. 'You fucking bitch.'" And you—yeah. So I made it. It looks incredible. But it's so silly. But it will be a crowd pleaser because it goes "beep beep beep" and "you fucking bitch." You wait. Fucking—yeah. If you have a long spot, you can fuck your hand up. But so that—sometimes it's that way. Sometimes I just—it'll come to me. I don't know. I had a—I was watching a cartoon, I think years ago. There was a—there was these paper cups and string, the telephone, and they were in a tree. "Hey, Susie." And she's like, "What's going on, Bobby?" And I'm watching it and I'm like, "This is an old version of the cups. We need a new version, right? Because that's just two cups." So I said, "We have to have another cup that comes out for call waiting." And it was like, that was my free bird. I mean, I did that. I came up with—it was my closing bit. You know, I'd hold someone in the front row. "Hi, what's your name?" They go, "Hi." And I'd say, "You seem so close." You know, the strings and she's holding it. "And what's your name?"
--:-- Joe Rogan: And she'd say her name. And I'd say, hold on, I have another call. Hello? I got to call you back. I'm talking to whoever she was, Tracy. And it would just murder because no one would expect a call waiting to come out. But it was, you know, right when call waiting came out. So you had a second cup. And then I had three cups for conference calling that came out of that. So it was like boom, boom, conference calling. Then I'd throw it. I'd say call forwarding and I'd throw it. And then I had a clear cup that was for caller ID. I said, I know you're there. Pick up. I can see you. So it was like a bam, bam, bam, bam, you know, really good prop that turned into like a routine.
--:-- Carrot Top: It would be funny if you tried to say those things today. People would be like, what? No, no, no. Isn't that weird? No. It's not that long ago. That's a carrot classic, I call them. I do things sometimes in the show where I do carrot classics. Yeah. I say this is stuff for people that grew up with me in the 90s. You'll remember some of these. And I do like the ice tray. It has a level and it's great. The biggest laugh comes when I go, half the crowd doesn't know what a fucking ice tray is. I mean that gets the biggest laugh because no one has an ice tray. But the thing is still funny. They like, oh I get this, clever.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Do people still have ice trays?
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, if you live in a trailer, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, regular houses have ice trays. Like an ice tray? Yeah, where you pour water into the trays. Well, they may have new ones now with the big cube ones. Yeah, if you don't want an ice machine in your refrigerator thing, you can just get. So maybe that joke's still relevant.
--:-- Carrot Top: I think it's normal. I think it's, I have fucking ice trays.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I have ice trays, too. I use them sometimes, I think. But see, when you go and put it back in, you got to leave it. Yeah. But there's certain things that people just like pagers, make a pager joke today. They're like, what? That's great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I remember when I, technological jokes, like if you think about jokes about technology, when you date them, it's so weird. I used to have a joke about texting. I'm like, why are you making me read? I'm like, call me. You're on a phone. It's the best way to communicate. Yeah. Call me. Like, why are you making me fucking read? This is so weird. I'm like, it takes you four presses to get an S. Because that was back when people would send you a text message on a dial phone.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, right. Which you had, yeah. A flip phone, rather.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, where you had to make a seven upside down and a pager. Hello? It was the most annoying people that would want a text.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's so great. Why are we doing this? It's so dumb. And I would just call them back. You couldn't text Joey Diaz. He would yell at you.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It would fucking, he'll text you now. But dude, for like seven, eight years, Joey would fucking yell at you. Joey was the last one to get a cell phone. He had a pager.
--:-- Carrot Top: I was the last one to get a phone, too. I didn't get one.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Joey had a pager until like the year 2000.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I was a little more than that. He fucking kept that pager forever, man. And you'd have to call his fucking pager.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's great. He was a wild boy. He was fun. He was just such a fun dude. But if you did not call him, he would get angry. He goes, I'm insecure. I want to hear your fucking voice. Why are you fucking leaving text messages? Making me fucking text you like a little girl. What are you doing? Him and Red Band would get into it because Red Band loves texting. So Red Band was like one of the first guys to text. He would text you back in the do-do-do-do-do days. Yeah. You know, when you have to press it four times to get an S. It's crazy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And then I remember people got those sidekicks. You remember? You're the coolest. Yeah. You got a sidekick that's got a keyboard. Remember that? And some of their sidekicks got hacked. Right? Didn't like Paris Hilton, again, didn't some cooter pictures pop up because her sidekick got hacked, something along those lines.
--:-- Carrot Top: Something like that, it was something. It was probably from that. Or something happened where people stole their sidekicks and got...
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Something happened. Wasn't there something about that? Some sort of a privacy concern with the sidekicks back in the day?
--:-- Carrot Top: I mean, I don't know about... There's a group that claimed they broke in there. Her sidekick, yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. There's also, there was like strategic releases of stuff back then. Like when they would accidentally have a photographer looking at their vagina as they got out of a car. You don't notice that photographer on his knees with a camera pointing up. That's so crazy. Nobody has a camera pointing up. So weird. Yeah. Like, come on. That guy would go to jail. That's probably illegal.
--:-- Carrot Top: Probably illegal. And meanwhile, you don't have any underwear on. That seems crazy. Like, why do they have pictures of your pussy on the internet on purpose? Did you do that on purpose? You did. But it's really smart.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, I mean if you want to market yourself and just get more popular. So more people know your name. It worked, right? We're talking about them right now.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, but that was like a brief moment. People don't remember pussy gate because there was a time where these high-level celebrity type people were accidentally showing their pussy. Yep. Whoopsies. Here's my pussy. It's just out there in the breeze. Just nothing but a curse. So we're over raw pussy out there in the wild at clubs, at fucking award shows. Wild pussy. See, I never say that word on stage ever.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Pussy? No. Because of Prince? Out of respect?
--:-- Carrot Top: Out of respect for Prince.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's great.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, I just never have. And I think it was last night? No, not last night. Night before last. I don't know what. The crowd was just, I don't know, crazy. And I don't know. Someone yelled something out and I said, well, wait, I got, no, I said, I'm going to just do, I did a horrible, it was a, it was a Bud Light bottle, you know, like one of those metal ones that I had these legs put on it like that. I said, and it's hilarious looking. I said, I made a Bud Light so guys will drink it again. You know, it's just, and the guys, the guy was like, someone yelled out, I don't get it. I said, it's pussy. Like, how do you not get the joke? It was two legs spread. The beer goes like this and the legs go. I said, see you eating pussy. And it was just like the crowd was like, a carrot top can say pussy? Like what? They just didn't. I said, no, it's okay. I said, put, no, no, no. Are there kids in the crowd? And don't say it again. No, no, no. Don't say it again? No, they could. I said, no, don't. No, no. So they're thinking, don't say it again. I said, no pussy, you can say it. I said, now that I've said that, though, we've topped it. I mean, right? You can't top. Once you say pussy, you can't top it. So they're like, oh, they laughed. I'm like, you know, now fucks nothing. You know, I said pussy so we've reached the plateau of raunchy at the show. The Carrot Top show. Because yeah, it's more silly. I mean, there's an edge to it, but you swear whenever you feel like it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, you just... Yeah, I don't need to, yeah, but I do it for some parts that I don't need to. But I've never seen fuzzy fun. Swearing is fun. People that don't want you to swear, that always makes me... That was like the Bill Cosby thing. He was always angry at people. Yeah, I remember that. Remember? Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy. That's one of the greatest bits. He says, do the people laugh? Yeah. Do you get paid? Tell Bill to have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. That was great. Because you could hear it in Pryor's voice. No, yeah. You know? Great. Yeah. He's brilliant, right? Richard Pryor. Oh, my God. Just brilliant. Oh, my God. My parents took me to see him live in the Sunset Strip when it was in the movie theater. I was like 15, 16 years old.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It was incredible. I couldn't believe how funny it was. I will never forget this. It was the first moment where I realized what stand-up can do. Because this guy was on stage and just talking. It was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my life. Ever. I thought about all the movies that I had seen that were really funny movies. And I was like, there's nothing that's this funny. And this guy is just talking. I was looking around the theater. I'll never forget this, man. And there was people just going like this. Just throwing their body up and down while they're laughing, holding their body. Like, oh my God, oh my God. Just dying laughing. I was like, this is incredible. He's just talking. It's incredible how funny this is.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's a groundbreaking special. Yeah, when you're 15, you're like, no way, this is insane. And you're right. And seeing people, like you said, physically laughing like that. Falling down, dying. You don't see that often. Dying, like they couldn't handle it. I opened for Steve Harvey one time in Birmingham, Alabama. And I get there, I set up all my stuff, and I never met him. This was years and years ago. I had like a trunk. I didn't have, I had like 30 props and a third of them were really good. I kind of just opened. I get there and I do the first thing. Oh, and Steve says to me, you ever worked a black crowd? I was like, no. Like all black crowd. I said, no. I'm just performing in front of black people. He said, no, no, all black crowd. I said, will it be all black? He said, oh yeah, all black crowd. I didn't know they would go one way or the other. He just said, if they stand up and they start going, they're not leaving. They're standing up when they laugh. I was like, anyway, I go out there and I do okay for a bit. And then I did one. I don't know what it was, but they all got up. And they were like, it looked like they were leaving, but they were, that's how they were. Like you said, they were just rejoicing. They're like, ah. And I just, I never, I couldn't believe it. And I came off and he's like, nice, nice set. And I'm like, that was so much fun. They were so into the show. And I said, I don't know how he's going to follow that. Because I did really, I did really good. That's his crowd. I really did good. I thought to myself, he's not going to, you know. That fucker, that guy, you know, well, Steve is.
--:-- Carrot Top: I know it was his crowd, but paint was peeling off the club it was so loud. It was so piercing loud in there. And that's another, again I thought, I'm not in comedy, whatever I'm in, I'm not in that. Unbelievable. When he did Kings of Comedy with Bernie Mac, that was like Bernie Mac in his prime. Bernie Mac, brilliant. Love Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac was so funny. He was so powerful on stage. Sometimes you see someone performing and it's like, whoa. Yeah, everything. His eyes alone, just punchlines.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Charisma. Just pop.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, pop. He just was funny. There's some dudes that just know how to hit it just right.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yep. Yeah. He was that way. Oh, my God. It was so funny. I mean, that whole era tour, it's kind of interesting that no one's done that since, right? There's been like the Kings of Comedy and then there's Blue Collar.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. There haven't been really a lot of those movie tours like that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: There hasn't been. Because there were tours and then they made films.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. Kings of Comedy, how many films did they make? They made at least one, right?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. How many? Kings of Comedy. Comedy specials did Kings of Comedy make? I think just the one or maybe two. So then Blue Collar did a couple right? Two or how many did they do? They did actual specials, yeah, but they toured like crazy. Toured like crazy, but they did specials. And they all went on to tour too, yeah. But there hasn't been like one like that. There hasn't been, right? No. Interesting. It's funny, but it's also like everybody's already touring. This is like, there's more people doing arenas now than I think ever. Ever. I mean, not even close. It's unbelievable.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's weird. It's but it's what we're talking about. Joe Coy came to my show about a month ago. Joe Coy's killing it. He's always doing. He just said to me, he was just backstage with his family and he said, just casually, he said, what do you do? What are you doing on, you know, February of something? I said, I'm probably working. He goes, ah, since have you come to SoFi? Because I'm like, oh, what's going on at SoFi? He's like, me. Fuck. Yeah. I said, you? What are you going there for? He's like, me. Like, to perform. It just blew me away. I'm like, you're playing SoFi? He's like, yeah. Yeah, he's been doing arenas for years.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, yeah, it's already sold out. Yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: I'm like, and he's so casual. Yeah, I come to SoFi. Like, he's going to go see the Stones. He's like, no, I'm going to see me. I mean, fuck. Nate Bargatze is another one like that. He's doing arenas everywhere. And just super normal, casual. Yeah. Hang out with them. This is a stadium, football stadium.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Which one's doing the football stadium? Joe Coy and Gabriel.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, that's a great one-two combination. Yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's a great one-two. Yeah, you can't go wrong.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Fluffy does L.A. by himself, right? Doesn't he do the Dodger Stadium by himself?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Insane. Insane. Yeah, Fluffy is a giant following. I remember when we were at the Ice House, he had the record for the most amount of shows sold out in a row. And they had a plaque on the wall. Look at these guys. Holy shit.
--:-- Joe Rogan: SoFi Stadium. God damn. Jesus. That's nuts.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, man. They're killing it. I'll be playing at Crackers on...
--:-- Joe Rogan: Shane Gillis is killing it like that. Tony's killing it like that. Shane just did the Notre Dame Stadium last night.
--:-- Carrot Top: Who did?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Shane opened up for Zach Ryan at Notre Dame Stadium.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's incredible. That's incredible. Holy shit. Whoo. Fun time, fun time for comedy. Bert's doing giant places. Segura is doing giant places. It's really wild.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Holy shit. Holy shit. Woo. It's a fun time. Fun time for comedy. Bert's doing giant places. Segura's doing giant places. It's really wild. It's wild to see.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, I'm going to meet him on Monday.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Which one?
--:-- Carrot Top: Tuesday. Tom.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, you never met him?
--:-- Carrot Top: I don't think so.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh. I don't think so. You'll love him. He's great.
--:-- Carrot Top: I don't know if I think I've met him or not. I don't know. He's like 187 pounds now.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, really?
--:-- Carrot Top: Dude, he was at the club. Did you see him? I can just tell from the photos he looks so skinny.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Dude, he looks great. He looks great. He was at the club the other night. I'm like, dude, you look fucking great. I go, what do you weigh? He goes 187. He hasn't been 187 since he was like in high school.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, good for him.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, but he's like healthy. He's not like Ozempic 187.
--:-- Carrot Top: We just had a good joke. Gaffigan, he makes me laugh. He said, how am I meeting great? And my fan said to me, oh, you look, you look, are you okay? And I get that. He's like, oh, I'm okay. Yeah, you okay? He says, yeah, I'm fine. Why? He says, you look sick. He's like, no, I, no, I just lost weight. And she goes, oh, is it Zempik? He goes, no, not Zempik. I'm on the other one. But it's like if you, if you, if you're, if you're, if you have muscles, you're on steroids. If you're skinny, you're on Zempik. Can anyone be happy with anybody just looking good? No one. No one's happy with him. God, you look good, Woody Young. No, I'm not nothing. The only time you're going to find people that are happy when you're doing good is if they're doing good. So if they're doing good, then they get to say, hey, Carrot Top, you're looking great, man. You're looking great. Because they don't feel threatened. You look good. So some people do. They feel threatened by other people doing well. So they don't. They want. Ozempic? Yeah. Doing Ozempic? I mean, I would die if I took a stone. There's no fucking way that that guy has the willpower to lose that way.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: He's a pussy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, right. And then they feel better. They feel better about themselves. Yeah. Because their life sucks.
--:-- Carrot Top: Interesting.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, and that's a lot of people. That's a giant chunk of the population. That's a lot. That's why you're not supposed to read social media comments.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, it's always funny. I hear my friends say, I'm like, I look at her, she's got to be, I said, maybe she's just taking care of herself. Maybe she's doing, she's eating apples and doing yoga. Fuck who knows. Also, some people, it's really going to help them. You know, if you're 600 pounds, that's probably a good idea. And what my friend was telling me, my friend Brigham was telling me who actually runs a pharmacy, he like the issue is the dosage first of all that people are getting these enormous doses and variable by body weight. They should probably be getting a much lower dose. And he's saying they're showing now that if you mix it with certain peptides, I think it was IGF-1. Is that what he said? I think he said IGF-1, that if you mix it with certain peptides, it eliminates the muscle loss and the bone loss. And so what you do is if you get on one of these things, if you're overweight, you're really struggling, and you just need something to just get you back on track. The idea is that you could get on this and then use it as like a kickstart to a healthy lifestyle. Okay, now you've dropped 30 pounds. You feel much better, right? Okay, you've been eating really good, right? Now let's get off this fucking nonsense that you're on that's making you lose your appetite. And let's now just maintain your body weight and just keep eating healthy. And it'll go off. Like if you just do it the right way, you'll continue to progress. You know, you don't have to stay on that stuff.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, it's good. Because long term is kind of sketchy. Like I don't know, what are you doing? It's like what is the actual GLP-1 chemical or whatever you want to call it, medication? What does it actually do? What does this peptide actually do that makes you lose your appetite? Because that's essentially what it's doing. It's supposed to just curb your appetite, right? Which is the last thing I ever want to hear about. I fucking love appetite. I love to eat.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, I love to eat. I am appetite. Yeah. We got from the airport here. It's all people. My sister was like, where's the best barbecue place? Barbecue.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, dude, I don't want to hear I'm going to lose my appetite. You can go fuck yourself. I love appetite. So it regulates appetite by acting on the brain's hypothalamus to promote feelings of fullness and satiety and by slowing down the rate of which food leaves the stomach, gastric emptying. It also influences the brain's reward system, reduces cravings for high-calorie food, and dampening the motivation to eat. These combined effects contribute to a reduced overall energy intake and a longer-lasting feeling of fullness after meals. I think it's like everything else, man. Like you could probably use it responsibly, and it can probably help you if you're really obese. But I think there's way too many people that are hopping on it that just need a little discipline.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. Just get a little discipline. Just do like I do.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But that doesn't mean that some people shouldn't use it, right? And if they can figure out how to do it right with like peptides, then okay. Maybe it's a healthy way for you to get into a good lifestyle. But the real thing is getting healthy. That's the real thing, right? It's not... It's predominantly made for people with diabetes, I think. But then they found out that exactly would help people that were exactly, which like you said, you know, and it's a huge moneymaker.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, it's going to make some money. I just eat and throw up, that's what I do.
--:-- Joe Rogan: But see, that's a lot easier. That's one that I don't have a problem with people making money off of. It's like I don't have a problem with them making money off of any of them, let me be real clear. But this one's like maybe like overall benefit if done correctly for people. There's so many people out there that are fucked, man. They're 500 fucking pounds and they don't know how to stop. And they go to counseling. You see the shows. They have they think about getting their stomach stapled. And it is an addiction just like gambling, just like anything else. You need some help sometimes.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. And maybe that's what they need. A little boost. Just something, something to fucking get you out of this terrible state and move you into a place of healthy. And then you'll feel better.
--:-- Joe Rogan: This is a problem with like, you'll think better. You'll be nicer. You'll have a better life. You'll have more energy to do the things you like to do. There's no downsides to being healthy. There's zero downsides. The only downside is it sucks. It's a lot of hard work. But once you get there, once you get there, the feeling of satisfaction of having accomplished something, like getting your body into a condition where it's healthy and you can do stuff. You can take a fucking yoga class. You can do CrossFit. You can do stuff. It's physical. It works well.
--:-- Carrot Top: Or just get implants like I did. It's a lot. There was this one guy who got like the most implants.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, I know. The human Ken doll. Have you seen that guy?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, that's really creepy, isn't it?
--:-- Carrot Top: Someone needed to talk to him a long time ago. Mike, whatever you're doing, slow down, Mike. Mike, slow down. Mike, you look crazy. I don't know if you've got a mirror in your fucking house.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, no, God damn. But that's the thing with people. When they start doing that kind of stuff, they don't know when to stop.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, you know, and it becomes addictive, you know, just like eating becomes addictive or gambling. Yeah, you could get addicted to just fucking with your face. That guy there. He is... I was gonna back implant tight. 21 G's for a back implant. It does look like he got crazy lats. I'd be like that guy must be a rock climber. Right. If you saw that, that guy's jacked. Look how jacked he is. All the way down to his wrists. And you're like, hey, why are those wrists on that body? That's crazy. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. You know what I mean? It's like, he looks great for whatever it is. The boobs are odd. But there's some part of your brain is like, what is going on?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Does he have fake abs too? I don't know.
--:-- Carrot Top: Those are great fake abs. If those are fake abs, let me see that again. There it looks real. That looks normal. But one of the ones that you just showed earlier, like, okay, are those his real abs? Because if you could get those abs, if those are real, you could have done the whole thing. You could have done the whole thing, fella. Somebody just needs to get you lifted away. You didn't have to do that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I'm afraid to admit to what he's gotten done. I'll see if he admits to that.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, no, he totally admits to it, right?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, yeah. I think that's his whole thing.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, he's letting everybody know. It's not like he's like, nope.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, no. God just keeps blessing me. Under the knife more than 190 times.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, that's normal.
--:-- Joe Rogan: For over 340 procedures.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, that seems totally sane. Hey. Just how many, what is it like, what kind of damage are you doing to your body just going under 190 times?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, jeez. 190 times you went under? Starting at age 18.
--:-- Carrot Top: Whoa. As soon as he got out of the house. Fuck you, mom and dad. Yeah, I'm kind of, I've got orange cones around his bed. I'm getting lats. I'm getting fucking lats. He doesn't, but he looks like a small framed guy. Exactly. You get down to his wrists, you're like, that guy's a bird wrist. This is insane. The wrist was weird. It's not admitting abs. It's saying he did everything else.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh. Let me see. I'll just look at this. Okay, well, if that's true, and it may be true, they might not be able to do abs back then. I don't think... I know they do abs. I know they do that sculpting thing where they sculpt the fat away and it makes it look like... They don't look like that guy's abs. I have a guy... Those look pretty good. That guy's had a lot of those things too, so that's fake abs.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, those look real. But like I'm saying, if somebody just talked that dude into lifting weights, hooked on the look. What is... I think those are his real abs which are pretty good. Like he could have got a tight swimmer's body instead of what he did. Oh, Jesus. They also that sculpting thing, which that's not an implant, you know, but they like drag them out with... Yeah, they expose, they cut all the fat away so it exposes more of the abdominal area. Abdominal sculpting keratosis. I think I had that tomorrow before Segura tight. I think you're gonna have to get drained though. You don't have these tubes coming out of the sides leaking pus because you just had a wound. But they cut your fat away because you want to look better in a bikini. I like, yeah, no. All you have to do is just work out. Jesus Christ, people. Do a crunch. Your body is who you are, right? If you have like a little bit of a gut, it's because you've been fucking off. That's just it. You live a good life. Show it to the world. You live a good life. This is who you are. Let it go. You're living good. You got a little gut. If you don't like it, lose weight. Yeah. I just don't know if you need Ozempic. Maybe somebody does. Like you said, someone that's really obese probably would help them.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Dude, we're just about four or five years away from them being able to genetically engineer you anyway. They're going to be able to eliminate all obesity. Obesity is going to be out the window probably. At least with people who have the money for the procedure. They'll probably just fucking lay paste around your body. Fat will burn away and you'll fucking come out and look like Chris Evans in Captain America. That's going to happen, dude. It's going to happen.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, it will.
--:-- Joe Rogan: They're already doing weird stuff that's beneficial to people. They're already figuring out how to splice genes and turn off gene expressions that cause certain diseases. And they're getting involved in some really wild research when it comes to manipulating your genome. And once it really gets good, once they really start curing certain diseases and figuring stuff out and they ratchet up and they can start – they'll start going. Who wants to be good looking? Who wants a giant dick? Who wants the biggest ass?
--:-- Carrot Top: That's right. Yeah.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's just going to – 100% people are going to all look like cartoons. We're all going to be cartoony.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. We'll all look like that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: We're all gonna look like Thor, and the woman will look like prime Jennifer Lopez. And that's it.
--:-- Carrot Top: What happens if the whole world's hot? I mean if everyone's hot.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Fun times, Carrot Top. Fun times. Everybody gets to play.
--:-- Carrot Top: Everybody here. Yeah. How much it must suck to just unfortunately be born really unattractive. There's people that got a terrible roll of the dice in life. They got weird shit heads. I'm right here for God's sake.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You're a normal looking guy, dude. You're a normal looking guy who's done some stuff.
--:-- Carrot Top: But there's normal looking people like you and I, like Elephant Titus, man. That guy? Remember that guy? Of course. Imagine something like that where you could just completely change it and all of a sudden he looks like Ken. Yeah. Why wouldn't you do that? No. Why wouldn't everybody get a chance to be hot?
--:-- Joe Rogan: What's it going to be like if everybody's hot?
--:-- Joe Rogan: It's going to be fucking fun, dude. It's going to be awesome. Everybody gets to play.
--:-- Carrot Top: I like that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, it's going to be fun. Everybody's hot. It's going to be great. And what if they figure out what's wrong with people's brains?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Like, oh, we thought that you just had to let people experience life and figure out their issues and make mistakes and maybe go to jail and then get out. No, no, no, no, no. We can just rewire brains. Rewire everybody's brain so everybody's really calm and peaceful and kind and compassionate. And you have to sign up for it. It's the Compassionate Program. And everybody has to get the updated software.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's great.
--:-- Joe Rogan: It will all be super sweet to each other. We're going to have to do it. You have to do software.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Everyone's going to be hot. I have a software update tonight. Everyone's going to be hot and everyone's going to be nice. It's going to be a human origin. Everyone's going to have all their hair. They're going to have muscles.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And then all inventions will cease.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. Instantaneously. Will never invent a single thing after that. There will be no more music.
--:-- Carrot Top: Everyone's gonna be hot. There's no motivation whatsoever for you to ever be like Prince, right? You know, like Prince became Prince because he was five foot three and that was the way to get women to love him, to be so fucking talented. Like people just are blown away and you're acting like a woman. They don't even understand it when they're so hot for you. Like he hacked the system. You're not gonna get that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I met Prince a couple times. One time, I met him. He was still cursing. Because I was on The Tonight Show and I was back in that little hallway getting my makeup done. But I already came in makeup, so I don't know why that was. I was always ready. So I just walk out the makeup thing and Prince was on the show. His doors right there and mine is down here. So I walked over to Jay and I said, "Can you introduce me to Prince?" He said, "Well, you can knock on the door." I said, "Well, no, I'd rather you walk me in and just say hey." He said, "I haven't even said hi to him yet either." He said, "Well, come with me." So he goes to get his makeup. I'm just standing there. Prince comes out of his dressing room. He says, "Where's my fucking tea?" And I'm like, "What's that?" He says, "My fucking tea." And I was like, "Oh, I'll go get it." And he closed the door. And Jay was right there. I said, "Where's Prince's fucking tea?" And Jay's like, "What?" I said, "He just yelled at me to get his fucking tea." He's like, "Does he know you're on the show?" "No, he doesn't know I'm on the show. He probably doesn't know you're on the show." So I went and got tea and I walked in and knocked on the door and his assistant opened the door. I said, "This is Prince's tea." And he says, "He doesn't drink tea." I was like, "Okay." And Prince is looking and he's like, "Close the door." What the fuck was that about? Where's my fucking tea? I go get tea. So listen, that seems insane. It's insane. But it was just awkward. I didn't know what I was supposed to do.
--:-- Carrot Top: So the next time I'm in Vegas, I'm going to my own room. You didn't talk to him at all after that?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No. We were on the show together? No. He did his thing. I came, and Jay brings us all on at the end. He would thank Prince and Carrot Top and stuff like that. And Prince declined to go out for the closing. But you can see it. He was like, "We had great Prince, Carrot Top."
--:-- Carrot Top: Do you think he was embarrassed that he told you to get his tea?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, I think he was out of his mind.
--:-- Carrot Top: Maybe. Maybe he thought, "Oh, shit, I have to." No. But he would have said thank you for my tea. The girl's like, "He doesn't want tea." I'm like, "He just asked me for fucking tea."
--:-- Joe Rogan: That follows along with my theory about that kind of talent. I always think you have to be at least somewhat insane or have a relationship with insanity, which is probably why he joined Jehovah's Witness.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. And decided to stop swearing. It's like he wanted some structure.
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's probably had a relationship with insanity.
--:-- Carrot Top: Probably. I mean, he had a troubled, you know, we all know that. He had a rough patch there for him. But the best one was I was going to my room at the MGM Grand at the top suites, whatever the hell they called it, after the show. And they have the little girls at the end of the check-in at the top. "Oh, morning Mr. Thompson. How was your show?" "Awful." And I start walking down the hall, and there's this big, big, I mean, big black guy just standing right in the center of the hallway. So I'm walking towards him, and I'm getting closer to him, so I said, "Hey, how's it going?" And I saw him go like, you know, I can't go by him. So I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I need to go to my—" He says, "You can't go past here." I said, "Oh, no, I have to go to my room." He says, "You're not going by me." He wasn't mean about it, but he says, "You're not going to go by me." And I made a joke like, "I can probably get by you," being funny. I said, "I can probably get by you pretty quick." Didn't laugh. So I said, "All right." I went back to the girl at the front desk. I said, "Does that guy work here?" She's like, "Who?" I said, "The guy in the hallway." "No." "What? What guy?" I said, "That guy." "No." I said, "Well, then what? He won't let me go by him?" She's like, "I'll go with you." So she walks with me. I said, "I brought backup." I mean, I get this little old lady. I brought backup. "We're getting through you." And he's like, "Sir, he needs to go to his room." He's like, "I'm sorry. You can't come by me." And I just kind of figured there's got to be something behind him. And I kind of just do one of these like, "Well, I just got to get—" and it's Prince. And he's standing—he's only, you know, this guy is three times his size—and Prince is standing behind him. So I just say, "Prince." And he goes, "Hey." I said, "Can I go to my room?" He goes, "Yeah." I said, "Can you tell him?" And he goes, "Tell who?" I said, "The guy." Like he's not with him. He says, "Yeah, let Carrot Top go to his room." And he goes like this, and I walk by him. He's just—Prince is just standing, just standing behind this guy in the hallway. I don't know what he was doing. He was just standing there. Probably writing a new song in his head. Maybe he was writing. I don't know. But it was just the weirdest. And he just said, "Hey." And I said, "Thanks, Prince." He said, "No problem."
--:-- Joe Rogan: He's a weird guy. That's why he's so good.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. I just never forget that. I was like, "Ah." I don't think anybody gets that good without being really out of their mind.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. You gotta be out there, man.
--:-- Carrot Top: He is standing behind this guy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's funny. It wasn't like, it wasn't on his phone. It's a funny thing to do. It was right before there were phones.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's a funny thing to do. Just stand out there with a giant dude in front of you. He was just standing there behind him. Maybe he was waiting on a girl to come out of the room. That's all I could think of. Maybe. Just felt like standing there. He was just standing there. And I look back. "Thanks, Prince." "No problem."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Remember when he had to use a symbol because he didn't have the rights to use his name?
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, the record label.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's so insane. You go back to Billy Joel's song "I Am the Entertainer," like this is that too. It's the same thing. Music business fucking with one of the all-time greats. I was just reading about Billy Joel. His first record deal, he almost fucked everything up. He signed everything away for 15 years.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, my God.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. 1973. Some guy saw him perform that song you were talking about, and he was like, "We got to figure this out."
--:-- Carrot Top: "Captain Jack"?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. "Captain Jack" is a great fucking song. Have you ever seen him do it live?
--:-- Joe Rogan: God damn. See if you can find an old version. Can we play it and like cut it out?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, let's play it and cut it out.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Find an old version of him doing it live from like the 1970s, if you can, if it's possible.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, there's a whole thing in the documentary right now about Billy Joel. Look at this, how quick is this? 1976 "Captain Jack" from Connecticut, live 1976.
--:-- Joe Rogan: We'll come back, ladies and gentlemen.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Now we're back. We were talking about music earlier. How good was that song? That's what I'm saying, though. I'm sure everyone has the same discussion about music. These songs, everything from that era, 60s, 70s, 80s, is still relevant and amazing. But it's hard to find—I don't know if they just don't play it too.
--:-- Carrot Top: You gotta find the artists, man. You gotta find the artists. There's a lot of artists I still listen to.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, but there's great guys right now, man. There's Jelly Roll right now. Oliver Anthony, he's amazing. Teddy Swims, that dude—do you know who that guy is?
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh my God. Play "The Door" by Teddy Swims.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What? We can play music anymore? Just like we cut it out. We cut it out. As soon as you say that we can do that. We cut it out. Sorry. But I just want you to listen to this. Here, you fuck with your crowd. You say, "Okay, now here—" This is one of the best songs I ever heard. Check this out.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, but people will just go and listen to it.
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, you come back and you go, right? Listen to this. Listen to this song.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Beautiful. Yeah. See, they're out there, man.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, I know. I know. You just got to find them. I guess when I'm old like me, I just get stubborn and I go, "Oh, what do you listen to?" I'm like, "Oh, Elton John, Billy Joel." What the fuck? I'll give you some shit to listen to. There's some great shit out there.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I try to. I just get so—I'm old. You listen to Zac Bryant at all?
--:-- Carrot Top: I love Zac Brown.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah, I love Zac Brown. But Zac Bryant.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, Zac Bryant. He's the guy that was at the arena with Shane Gillis. You don't know him?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No, I don't. Wait, do I not know him?
--:-- Carrot Top: He's phenomenal. He's phenomenal. Phenomenal. And another one of those guys is just super, super talented, incredible voice. He was in the military, man. He was making songs on like TikTok in the military. One of those things like Vine or something like that, and that's how he popped, just like right out of nowhere.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's crazy. The army, like you're gonna be a fucking star. Superstar.
--:-- Carrot Top: He was in the Navy. Where, what arena were they at?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Notre Dame. Notre Dame Stadium. Football stadium.
--:-- Carrot Top: How many people is in that? I'll show you. I mean it's a hundred—is there a picture of them on stage?
--:-- Joe Rogan: A lot, yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: I want to see a picture of him on stage. That's so surreal.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yeah. Those numbers are so surreal. Like, look at the size of that. That's so crazy. It's like the Luxor every night. There's nothing different. Basically the same.
--:-- Carrot Top: It's the same. What's the biggest show you've ever done?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Stadium in Florida. But that was for their homecoming. It wasn't a Carrot Top show. I was the headliner, but it was a—look at that, that's crazy. Wow. He's so nervous about doing it too. I can't wait. Oh, I just imagine—well, how could you not be?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, but my thing with the stadium, because you know we do a sound check there, but the stadium's empty and it just—it was 100,000 people. This side was going to be the alumni, this side was the kids, you know, all ages. Now they had rules: you couldn't curse, you definitely couldn't do anything sexual. So thank God I brought all this stupid shit. It was just meant for college. It was a bong. The opening guy goes out, and his first joke is like, "I'm eating this chick out, right?" My guy comes running in like, "Dude." My boy's like, his opening line was, "I'm eating this girl out." I said, "No." He goes, "Yeah." I'm like, "Well, second guy goes out. Same thing." He's just—they're beyond rotten, gross, dirty, right? And I'm getting ready to go up, and I'm like, "Well, I'm going to eat shit now because they went here." But the crowd wanted goofy. They had heard all this. It was actually working to my advantage. They did all this horrible, dirty stuff. The crowd was kind of like, "Let's get Carrot Top." And I came up, and I was like—I did my exact thing I was supposed to do. Silly, goofy, you know, both sides. They loved it. But the weirdest thing, and I'd love to ask him that, because I've never played a stadium, is you say, "Hey," and it goes, "Hey, hey, hey, hey" four times. It's a back slap, whatever they call that.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Oh, echo?
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. So in sound check, it wasn't doing that. So I went out and I said something like, "Florida, I'm from Florida," so I was like, "Oh, Florida, my hometown." I said, "Florida, my hometown. Florida, my hometown." Oh, no. And I went, "Oh shit," like in my head. I didn't know what I was going to do in that split second. And I said, "Wow, one thing cool about playing in the stadium is every joke that's gonna bomb is gonna bomb four times." And the crowd went crazy. And I said, "No, seriously, that ain't shit." And it just worked off that echo.
--:-- Joe Rogan: You figured out how to work with it.
--:-- Carrot Top: In a split second, I'm like, "Yeah. That joke sucks, sucks, sucks."
--:-- Joe Rogan: God, imagine not just ignoring the fact that you hear yourself four times.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, I know. And you have to time out your—it was the weirdest thing ever. You're holding up a thing and you're like, "It's a thing, it's a thing," and you have to hold it longer until they see it to put it down. It's weird.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I remember when I used to work at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts. It was like a concert venue. And I was there when Bill Cosby was there. And the problem with comedy in that place is that it was outdoors, so the inside of it was all covered. Like there was an inside space, it was open air, but there was a roof over it and it was all covered. And then there was a lawn area in the back. And they sold tickets for the lawn, but you could only hear the show inside the roofed area. Because once it got out, all the echo fucked it up so bad when it made it out into the lawn. You couldn't understand what the fuck anybody said. You had to be in there where the speakers were. And everybody was furious. They were all complaining. Like, no one checked to see if you could hear someone talk out here.
--:-- Carrot Top: That's crazy.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Crazy. These kids today. No one knew what they were saying. I saw Dangerfield there. He was backstage. So backstage, when Dangerfield would do shows, he would get high as fuck. He would take off all of his clothes, and he would put a robe on. That's where you go on stage with a bathrobe on, just raw dick and a bathrobe, and with slippers on. And dude, he fucking murdered. I was 19 years old when I was working there, and he went up there, and I was not even thinking about doing stand-up comedy yet, so I was just loving it as a pure fan. I was like, "I can't believe Rodney Dangerfield is just hanging out with a bathrobe on naked."
--:-- Carrot Top: That's true, because that's what he was known for in Vegas. He'd go around the casino in a robe and slippers.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I saw him. I didn't see his dick, but I saw him in a bathrobe, and I saw him go on stage in a bathrobe. And that was his move.
--:-- Carrot Top: No, I saw it. He walked up in his dressing room on purpose, undone. I swear to God. I said, "Hey, Rodney." He said, "Yeah, it's my mom." He goes, "Hey, mom." And he's just standing there. Yeah, my mom's like, "Crazy, right?" And he meant to. He looked at me like, "How's your mom doing?" I'm like, "Great." And she's like, "Your thing is hanging." In our dressing room at the club, his wife donated his notes from an appearance on a late night show. So it's his handwritten notes, and they're all framed with a photo of Rodney. Yeah, it's pretty cool. One of the things I loved about him, man, is that he introduced the world to a lot of other great comics. He introduced the world to Kinison, Hicks, Robert Schimmel, Dom Irrera, Jerry Seinfeld. A lot of comics did those HBO Young Comedian specials.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, that's what you're doing as well. And Tony is doing that because you give all the comics time on your show, which most shows don't have that anymore, right?
--:-- Carrot Top: No, a lot of the late shows do. A lot of the late shows don't. But comics that have podcasts all do this.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Right, but you've made a lot of people have podcasts now. You're a powerful person behind this. But listen, I think people are going to have podcasts whether I did or not. But giving people the platform, like, fuck it, you got me on here. Other shows like late night shows don't have comics anymore.
--:-- Carrot Top: They don't.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, that's so silly. But also they're just so hampered anyway. You have to have a book to promote. Because it's all—the whole show was—not to knock late night shows because some of them are fun to watch. But it's basically publicity for a bunch of stuff, right? It's like someone's coming on to promote an album. Someone's coming on to promote a movie. Nothing wrong with that, right? But the problem is it's not what the host is interested in. And I think the way that those shows are, you're handicapped in a way where you have to get on the famous people. You have to get on the rock star. You can't just have weird people come on. You can't have some guy who worked for the CIA come on and tell you about aliens. This is what I know so far. But that would be the third middle guest. I couldn't do that though. You can't do it. First of all, you only have ten minutes. Each guest is in and out real quick. You have barely enough time to scratch the surface of one or two stories.
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, I guess when I used to do it, I used to do it—I don't know how many times I did The Tonight Show, but it was always—I never was promoting anything. In fact, the only time I had something to actually promote, they didn't want to put me on. I said, "I'm trying to promote Chairman of the Board, this movie." And they're like, "Eh, but—"
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's hilarious.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. The one time you wanted to help. I really did. No, I did. I have this movie coming out. Yeah, I remember that movie. They're like, "Nah." I'm like, "I got a movie, Jay. I'm in a movie." Now the weirdest one—I was going to ask you, I was going to reverse this to you. Who's the strangest guest you've had to do in front of? I'll tell you mine real quick. So I was on The Tonight Show and Dick Cheney was on.
--:-- Carrot Top: And I mean, I have nothing against—I mean, it's just—
--:-- Joe Rogan: Did he smell like sulfur?
--:-- Carrot Top: Well, I had five, maybe six props. Dick Cheney props. On purpose, because Dick Cheney was there. No, I had like three just because I'm topical all the time in the show. So I already have them in my show, but then when they said Dick Cheney is going to be on with Dick Cheney, I said, "Oh shit, can I do it?" So I started writing more. So I had like six. And I opened with them. But the weird part was I get there and we're rehearsing, Secret Service is everywhere. I can't get to my own room. Prince's guys, you can't go by again. So I finally rehearsed it and they're like, the people are like, "He's going to be a guest." I said, "Well, no, that's why I'm doing it, right?" And Jay's like, "I don't know." I said, "Well, it's very topical. And I think it's funny that he's there, right?" So Jay comes. This is right before the show. He said, "Is he going to stay or is he going to leave?" Because Secret Service is surrounding me, like going to go grab him and go. And Jay's like, "Well, I don't know. I mean, I can ask him." And I'm thinking, well, just between you and me, I mean this is like behind the curtain, what do you think? Is it better if he's there and I do it and they keep cutting over to him, or if he's gone and I do it and I keep looking like thank God he's gone? What's funnier? And he's like, "I don't know. I mean, if you're fine—" I said, "I think if he could stay it would be better, because it's really funny. I'm doing it right in front of the fucking guy." So they said okay. So they go back, he talks, and he says okay. So he goes back to the desk, and they're like, "Please don't fuck it up, Carrot Top." And I came out. I walk out and I do right off. I look over and said, "Hey, it's funny that you're here." And I pull out—probably could find this—I have a Dick Cheney gun, and it's a rifle with the thing goes this way because he shot the guy in the head. And I mean, it's already like, "Holy fuck," right? And they're like—I found your gun. Oh, sorry, Bill. And it's like, the crowd didn't know at first because they're all looking at him to see if he'll laugh.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Did he laugh?
--:-- Carrot Top: He's got that, you know, just pissed, right? So I go, right, and I do another one. I had an Operation game, you know, the operation. It had his face on it because he's always getting operated on. I had a book where the thing—it was just like five or six Dick Cheney jokes. Finally, I keep looking over. I'm like, "You know, we're good. You not going to have me audited? Am I going to be killed here?" And now the crowd is really getting into it. Now Cheney is looking at me like, "How many more?" He even says, "How many more do we—" I said, "I got one more, and then we move on." So I do one more Cheney joke. Now he's kind of laughing but still kind of like, "This is aggravating." Then I go and I do a piggy bank for gay guys. And it's a piggy bank where the slot is in the asshole instead of the top of the thing, right? It's a great prop. Hey, it's a piggy bank for gay guys. I mean, I did a great set. I get done, I walk over, I sit down, and there's something going on. There's a ruckus. There's like Secret Service, something going on. The writers, the producers, and Jay gets up. And I'm just sitting there. Dick Cheney and the lady comes over. She goes, "Oh my god, that was the best set you've ever done." I said, "Thank you, Tracy." And she said, "Where do you find all this?" I said, "No, I make it." He thought I just found it all. I said, "No, I make it." "Where do you find all this stuff?" I said, "I made it." "You made that? It's pretty clever." His daughter is there. And apparently all those Dick Cheney jokes were fine, but when I did the gay piggy bank, she lost her mind. Like, "You can't do that!" No, I don't know. But she lost her mind, like really mad that I did a gay piggy bank joke on the show. Forget I just did five jokes about her father. So everyone was taking her out of the studio. She was screaming. And so they took her out of the studio.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Just the gay piggy bank?
--:-- Carrot Top: That's it. Yeah. It was like, "I can't believe that you did that in front of my father." And I thought you were making fun of me because I'm doing a dick—yeah, I shot your dad. The gay piggy bank is what set her off.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Is this Liz Cheney?
--:-- Carrot Top: I think. I don't know. You think? It was one of the daughters. I don't know.
--:-- Joe Rogan: How many daughters does he have?
--:-- Carrot Top: I don't know.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's why I think it might have been Liz.
--:-- Carrot Top: How many daughters? Just two. One of the daughters. Let's just say one of the daughters.
--:-- Joe Rogan: One of the daughters. I don't think it was.
--:-- Carrot Top: Allegedly.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Allegedly. Could have been an imposter.
--:-- Carrot Top: Could have been an imposter. It was a crazy person pretending to be one of the daughters.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Dick Cheney and his daughter Liz are both staunchly against Donald Trump despite being Republicans. But why are Liz and Mary once feuding over same-sex marriage? Hmm. How are they fighting over that? Let's find out what that was. When was this? I know you're trying to add, but now I'm curious. Like, what is this from? A year ago?
--:-- Carrot Top: What? A year ago? Someone upset about same-sex marriage?
--:-- Joe Rogan: What are they saying?
--:-- Carrot Top: I had another prop that I thought—
--:-- Joe Rogan: Hold on. The election was a year ago, so it had to do with that. That's why they mentioned Donald Trump in that.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right, but what is the same-sex marriage dispute between—I'm trying to get to it. I don't know. Because I need to know.
--:-- Joe Rogan: I had a—yeah. Some people are still arguing about that in 2025.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, one of them is gay. Okay, and they believe in same-sex marriage. The other one doesn't?
--:-- Joe Rogan: It'd be funny if it was the other way around. If the gay was like, "I want it to be illegal. Fuck this."
--:-- Carrot Top: I don't know which one. We don't know. I don't know which daughter it was. I don't either. I'm assuming it was probably the one that was gay maybe then. Maybe it's just like two daughters just hating on each other. It's like, "Well, I don't think you should get married."
--:-- Joe Rogan: I had another one that was kind of strange because it was a dumb joke. Maybe think of you said same-sex marriage. So right when gay marriage became legal in certain states, it was like four states. I had a big map, a big map that I'd hold up. And I'd say, "Hey, gay marriage is now legal. And this is a map to show people." And it would have these, right where the states were, there were these little penises on springs or whatever. And it was so—it was just dumb, right? So I rehearse it. And the crew is fucking going crazy. They're like, "Ah, sky fucking dildos. And you can't do dildos on NBC." So this lady comes over and she goes—I said, "I know. I mean, I think it's silly enough. They're just on springs." And I would always fight with her. She said, "No." So I said, "All right, if I come up with a different idea without dicks on it, can I do it?" She said, "Yeah." So I thought, I don't know, I'll do it. I took the springs off and I had the guys back there at The Tonight Show print out Ryan Seacrest faces, you know, like four of them.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And I put them where the gay marriages were. Now, Ryan Seacrest is a good friend of mine and everyone was making fun of him, right? Back then. "Oh, he's gay." And he's not, clearly. But the joke would be, and it killed. It's funny. So I come back and I go, "How about this?" And she's like, "Oh, my God." I said, "I know him. He's not gonna—he'll probably text me and say, 'Why would you do that?'" Jay comes over and goes, "Oh, you know, he's really a good friend of mine." I said, "No, Jay, he's a friend of mine too. It's funny, it's not anything." He's like, "Yeah, if you could just not do that."
--:-- Carrot Top: That dude does not seem hypersensitive. Is he?
--:-- Joe Rogan: No. No, right? But Jay was very protective. I said, "No, he said, no, you know, he's my friend. I don't think it's necessary." I said, "Well, I can put like—you want me to put like Richard Nixon dicks or something?" He's like, "No, just get rid of the junk. I think it's funny. Fuck. We're fighting over Ryan Seacrest."
--:-- Carrot Top: That's the problem with having editorial access to someone's act when they're doing a Tonight Show set. It should be like, no. It should be like, look, if you want the Black Crowes to play, they sing their song. You know what the song is. You know what the lyrics are. That's fine. But with a comic, you can't tell them they can't do something.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Well, they ask nicely. And of course, I had 40 other props. I didn't need to do that. Not like you're even swearing. Like, what are you doing? You're being silly. It's silly. Like, come on.
--:-- Carrot Top: I did break the law with them once.
--:-- Joe Rogan: What'd you do?
--:-- Joe Rogan: I was doing a podium for Bill Clinton. It was the closing bit. And I would do the stupid voice to you like I did not. And there was this presidential seal on this podium and had a true false buzzer button. It would go bing, bing, bing. And it would be – it was just so stupid. Like I did not have – and you hit the button. I did not have – I will not raise to bing. And then I fucked her, ding, ding, ding, something. I forgot the joke now.
--:-- But the closing punch of the whole thing was right after I'm doing the podium. That would kill. I could just stop on that. I had a foot pedal where Monica Lewinsky's head would come up like on a beret, literally. This is great. It took hard, it took engineering to do this. And so I go, "I did not," and then I hit the foot pedal and the woman's head would come up and I go, "Not now." That's all I had. Just "Not now."
--:-- In the rehearsal, they were like, "That's the best thing you've ever brought here. Oh my god." And I said, "Yeah, great." Here comes my lady with her new pad and I said, "Oh, fuck." She goes, "Everything is good. Stand us in practice." I said, "Oh," and I give her a hug. I said, "This is the first time I've come and everything got approved." And she says, "Yeah."
--:-- I went back to my dressing room. I'm like, "I can't believe I get to do this. My closing bit, the fuck, it's going to get right before." I'm talking a minute before I come in. She walks in. She's like, "Okay, you can do the podium, but you can't put her head down. You can't use your hand to force her head down. It can come up, you just can't force it down."
--:-- I run to the prop department. I said, "Is there a way you can – because I made it – is there a way I can release and go down without me touching it?" And they're like, "I don't know." They looked at it. I'm on in five minutes. I said, "Fuck it."
--:-- So I do the whole thing. I said, "I did not." And the head comes up, and I said, "Not now." And I use my elbow to put it down. And of course, the crowd, it killed. And it would have been better if I did this. But I said, "Not now."
--:-- I get done. I come over, and I can see her fucking fuming. She comes running over to me. Because they always come and say, "What a great set. Oh, you did so good." Tracy Fisk did. She said, "That was phenomenal." I said, "That was." Jay's like, "Oh, doing a good thing." And I see the standards and practice lady coming over. "Oh, fuck." And I said, "Am I in trouble?" She's like, "I said I didn't do that. The show's over. Thank you. Tomorrow night."
--:-- And then she comes over. "Okay, if I get fired over this..." I said, "You're not going to get fired over this." "Oh no, they already bleeped it out on the West Coast. The East Coast it went live." I said, "Bleeped out what?" "You can't force her head." I said, "I didn't force it. I didn't use my hand. I used my elbow." She just looked at me like, "You fucking, so clever." I said, "Well, you said don't use my hand."
--:-- So everything was fine after that. But it did get bleeped out and it just – it fucked the joke up because they went, "I did not," and then it edited it right to just "Goodnight." It wasn't a punchline.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah. You ever get in trouble for something?
--:-- Joe Rogan: Not like that, no.
--:-- Carrot Top: This is when I got in trouble. I got banned from Fox, I think for life, for this.
--:-- Joe Rogan: For something else?
--:-- Carrot Top: This is really weird, yeah. I was at the country Billboard Music Awards and they asked me to do a little bit with Chris Rock. It's Chris Rock and me. It was such great together because he's like, you know, top, you know, and then I'm out there. It was stupid. But Chris Rock is, you know, so he and I go out, we do our rehearsal, and I had like four props or something. And the guy came over in a panic, right in the middle of the show, it's already happened, our bit's coming up in about 40 minutes. He says, "I need you guys to go longer." And Chris Rock's like, "Um, bye. What? Don't what?" He said, "Just come up with something." And I said, "Well, I can go. I can have my guy go back to the MGM and grab a few more props." That'd be awesome. Chris was like, "Yeah, perfect. You know, we'll kill the time without having to change too much." And I can just pull out more shit.
--:-- I go and I tell them, I go, "Go TV clean. Get like this, get the thing, the towel with the misspelled thing. And then the toilet seats." So I added – it was a great joke. It was a toilet seat with a seatbelt. So when you eat a Taco Bell, right, you sit on it and put it on. And the sound effect in the show would say, "Houston, we have a problem." And it was a great, stupid little bit. But there's about 20 toilet seats leading up to that one. I'm not kidding. Like 30 toilet seats. And one that held women's hair when they throw up. I had one that lights up. I had one with spikes on it. So many. So the last one was the seat belt, right? So it's very clean, right? It does great.
--:-- We walked back, and I'm thinking they're going to come high-five me because we just saved the show. We added time they needed. The guy's like, they banned me because I said Taco Bell because it was sponsored by Taco Bell. How the fuck am I supposed to know it's sponsored by Taco Bell?
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's real shit. Yeah.
--:-- Carrot Top: Dude, that's hilarious. I'm like, "I didn't say fuck." They said, "No, you said Taco Bell." I'm like, "What? How do I get fined for that?" "You're banned for life."
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's hilarious. Because I said Taco Bell.
--:-- Carrot Top: I didn't know. I mean, I'm not the guy. They should have come to me and said, "Don't do anything with Taco Bell."
--:-- Joe Rogan: Yes. 100%. That's not on you. No. That's a normal reference for a comic.
--:-- Carrot Top: Oh, no.
--:-- Joe Rogan: That's funny. Yeah. Not funny, really. I mean, funny now. They would have been pumped if you said Del Taco.
--:-- Carrot Top: Right. Yeah. Go after the competitors.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Now, see, if they told me that, I would have. Yeah. Easy. I would have done that.
--:-- Hey, brother, this was a lot of fun. Thank you for doing this again.
--:-- Carrot Top: Yeah, thank you. It was a lot of fun. And I'm looking forward to seeing you on Kill Tony.
--:-- Joe Rogan: And anybody who wants to check him out, Carrot Top is at the Luxor in Las Vegas, Nevada, on a regular basis. What's the best way to find out when you're there?
--:-- Carrot Top: Just text me, yeah. Yeah, Las Vegas. I mean, CarrotTop.com or Las Vegas.
--:-- Joe Rogan: Beautiful. All right, my man. Thank you.
--:-- Carrot Top: Thank you. It was a lot of fun.
--:-- Joe Rogan: All right, bye, everybody. We'll be right back.
