#2445 - Bert Kreischer

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. Hey, does the red light therapy really help your fucking eyes? 100%. I'm doing it. Are we rolling? Yeah. My eyes are so fucked. Yeah. I can't see, Joe. Get one of them Gary Brekka beds for your house. Well, there's a bunch of companies that sell them, but you want like a really powerful red light bed? I did it this morning. Dude, it changed my vision. I can't when I'm in the shower. I can't read shampoo bath gel. Whoa like I'm like dude Why do they need to be small can't you just make a big as fuck so everyone can see it? They're not that small They're I can't see him and then I'm getting out naked putting on readers to see what I'm fucking I've washed my hair with conditioner so many times Yeah, mine was getting bad mine was getting where I needed these fucking things which I haven't picked up in months I heard you say that, and I was like, dude. Yeah, it changed my life. I went to Wastewell the other day, and I did the red light bed every day, every day, until I Googled how much it cost. That thing's fucking expensive. It's expensive, the real one. But Whitney got one that's not that expensive, and it's fixed her eyes. She got one that she just sits in front of every day for like 20 minutes or something like that. I love that. Oh, dude, it's amazing. But the big ones, the beds, they help your whole body recover. they're like we could let's let's put it put that into perplexity and say what is the benefits of powerful red light therapy i fucking i use ai so much now i was in the beginning i was resisting it so much then perplexity came on as a sponsor and now instead of searching things online i just ask the phone i just pull up the app the app and ask it a question i don't have to type anything and then it gives me an answer and then I could say, well, what's the benefits of it? And then it'll list out the benefits and then I'll say, what are the cons? Then it'll list out the cons. Like, is there, you know, are there any people that disagree with this? Perplexity? Yeah. So I got one. My questions are always like, they're always more like about me. So I, like. Why do you look yourself up? No, no, not about that. That's so bad for your mental health. No, I don't look myself up. It's about like... Your health? No, my health or my experience in life. Oh, okay. So like I was like I was the other day I was in bed I was like all right I think my generation had the greatest run Like out of all the generations around my generation Gen X had the greatest run We got great childhoods, right? Right. We got to experience cell phones. We got to be impressed by the cell phone. Right. We had 9-11, which wasn't great, but it was a time when the country healed, right? Everyone wants a big tragedy like the JFK shooting. You want that moment where you walk by a bar and they're like, what are you doing? Like, you haven't heard? We got one of those. We had the pandemic, which is insane. Right. We had our music play better. We had rock. We had, I mean, just the internet took off. So we got to experience that. I think my generation, Gen X has yours too, right? Right. Yeah, I'm Gen X. So I asked that to chat GBT and I was wrong. What do you mean? The greatest generation is actually labeled the greatest generation. It's my grandmother, your grandmother. They experienced horse and buggy. they then went they saw cars they saw television all within the time they had horse and buggy they saw people land on the moon i mean all that shit telephones who got fucked with the baby boomers they were just old enough to not understand cell phones like they got fucked millennials got fucked millennials got real fucked yeah i don't know about the greatest generation i think i think you're correct i think the passage of the internet like the internet going through our lives and and cell phones. I experienced VHS tapes first. Yeah. Then I experienced answering machines. That was a big one. Caller ID. You know who's calling you. You can just duck people. That was crazy. I remember when caller IDs showed up. Then I remember when Star 69 showed up. Oh. Where you could block your caller ID. Star 69 was good because you could call people back that were pranking you. Like, hey, motherfucker. Like, what? What's going on? Dude, we got prank calls. My kids never got prank calls. Like, they never understood what a prank call was. The Jerky Boys. The Jerky Boys were fucking amazing. Dude. Those guys were so funny. Those recordings were so funny. You know who did a great fucking prank call recording? Who? Greg Fitzsimmons. Really? Oh, my God. It's hilarious. He did this one where he called a rental car place, and he said that the car was on fire because they went to the gas station and they filled up pots and pans with gas and they put it in the back seat and fucking Bobby smoking and now the car on fire Like you gotta hear this guy freaking out What do you mean the car on fire It you can do that anymore Dude Greg you know when people go like what kind of music do you listen to And you talk to a real musician, like you talk to the Black Keys, right? Right. And then you go like, what are you guys listening to? They're like, have you heard of the Velvet Thud or something? Right, right. They've got some obscure rap. Yeah, and they're like, that's what you need to listen to. When people say, I listen to Sunday Papers, that's Fitzsimmons and Gibbons podcast, I I go, you're real comedy fans. Those are the two funniest human beings alive ever. Greg Fitzsimmons, when I got ready for Lucky, I brought him on the road with me. I was like, dude, I trust you. Just tell me where I'm sloppy. Tell me where I'm lazy. Tell me where I'm leaving jokes. And that first night, he was like, you got a minute? And he went through my whole hour. He's like, I think you're leaving this on the table. Dude, those motherfuckers are the funniest dudes alive. Yeah, Greg's awesome. We started out together. We started like one week apart from each other. For real? Yeah, literally. We went on the road. God, in the early days, Greg and I traveled everywhere. We did open mic. We would drive to Rhode Island and do open mics together. He was a great example of the first dude I ever saw talking about his family on stage, and it wasn't nerdy. Right, right, right, right. Him and his son ran a train on his wife. What? It was a great joke. He was like, I had my first threesome. It was with my son, so it was a little awkward. I'm fucking Greg's joke up. He goes, my son was breastfeeding. I was getting her from behind. We had to high five in the middle. But I remember hearing that as a, remember when, remember being a dad as a comic was like off limits. Right, right. And I saw that. I just had Georgia. The second person I saw, the first person is Greg. The second person I saw, I mean, I'm talking just had Georgia, was Louis fucking CK. I went and worked the road with him and he was doing all the material for that first special that popped for him. and he was talking about his kids and he was just like, my daughter's a cunt. And he goes, I know you're not supposed to say that, but what else do you say to someone who won't put their shoes on? They're a cunt. We're trying to leave the house and they won't put their shoes on. Imagine if you wouldn't leave. And it was just like, and it was like, I'm sitting there, you know, lost in like what I thought was standup was like some imitation of Dane, you know? And I'm watching Louie going like, this is something totally different. Yeah. Those guys, best prank call I've ever heard. Sidebar. Brendan Walsh. Brandon Wall's a funny motherfucker. Brandon Wall. What's he up to? I don't know. I think he does like he always been like more art comedy you know Like more like performance He does these podcasts where he puts a neck brace on and a wig and giant glasses and he plays a character. He's a funny dude, man. Do you remember when- He was an Austin guy. He was an Austin guy. Yeah. He was, I remember, do you remember he was on your podcast? I remember him telling you the story and I think about this all the time. A circuit city had closed by his house. And so, and he lives in Silver Lake. Do you remember this? Oh, that's right. he made a prank where he told everybody he was turning into a Whole Foods. And he got everybody so excited. Oh, Whole Foods is giving you Silver Lake. He just did it for himself. So that he could be at the coffee shop and hear people talking about Whole Foods. This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. New year, new you. We all know the saying, and I think it's a good thing, to always be setting goals for yourself to overcome. It's how you get new personal bests in the gym. But your physical health isn't the only thing you should be trying to improve this year. Your financial health is just as important, and that includes protecting your identity. Luckily, there's a simple way to get started on that. LifeLock. Your personal info is in endless places that are outside of your control. 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So he's like hey, what are you wearing? She's like nothing. What are you wearing? He's like nothing and then you hear like a dog barking in the back and she goes is that your dog? He's like, yeah, yeah, ignore him ignore him and then the dog barks a little longer and he's like nothing and then you hear like a dog barking in the back and she what are you wearing he's like nothing and then you hear like a dog barking in the back and she goes is that your dog he's like yeah yeah ignore him ignore him and then the dog barks a little longer and he's like no tell me what are you touching yourself and then you hear a baby crying in the back and he's like is that your baby and he's like no it's fine it's fine it's a different room it's i'm totally fine and then you hear a woman come in and go are you on the fucking phone sex again and he's like hey leave me alone and she's like do you want to do this later he's like Don't worry about it. And then you hear a marching band come in playing. And he's just trying to hold her on the line. Dude, I was crying. That is like, you know, not to get too meta about it, but comedy has become so, and I'm a part of this, I'm so self-promotional and put it on. I got to take it. It's a new show. When you see someone like Brendan or like Greg and Mike who just do it for the pure, just to make themselves giggle. Yeah. It's so beautiful. Gillis is like that. Yeah. Gillis is, Gillis, I always think he's just a, like a, like a, my favorite Shane Gillis story that I will, until I die, we're doing, we're doing Fully Loaded the first year. And Shane's on everyone, Mark's on everyone, Nicky's on everyone. It's like, stop it. It's the best year we probably did it, no offense. And Shane sees my daughter, Georgia, who's being a PA with her friend, Daisy. And it's the very last night and Shane walks up and he's like. You guys sneaking beers? And they're like, no. He goes, oh, come on. I'm not going to rat you out. I'm like, no, we're not. And he's like, come on. You're 18 years old. You're on tour. It's our last night. You guys are sneaking beers. And they're like, we're not sneaking beers. He goes, I can smell the beer on you. And they're like, we've been sneaking beers. And he goes, OK. And he just sits down right next to me. He goes, George is sneaking beers. Did you know she was sneaking beers? No, I had no idea. Shane just fucking ratted her out. She's your daughter. Yeah. You're getting hammered every night. You're not going to notice. Like, dad's drunk. You won't even know if we're drunk. She would, yeah. It's funny because I go to her college and other dads party. And she's always kind of low-key about it. And the dads will bite beer cans and kill them and shotgun beers. I know. That's what dads do. Really? Yeah. Which dads? I don't meet any of these dads. You're in a different school zone. That what dads do and I always like you know what this is what I do for a living I can fucking murder these guys She like ugh dad I like oh you like him crushing a beer and shotgunning it Fucking, like a microdose. What are we talking about? What were you telling about, Jamie? Sorry, but right before we get started, you were telling me about something. The REM sleep or lucid dreaming sleep communication. I gotta figure out where I put it I sent a DM to someone about that I think so I gotta tell you before we find that so Eddie Bravo calls me the other day and he goes did Burt Kreischer lose everything and then get it back I go what and he goes yeah it was so confusing he was on Shannon Sharp's show and Shannon says to Burt what was it like you lost everything and then you had to build it back and he goes it seemed like it wasn't true I go it's not true and I go did Burt go along with it He goes, yeah. I go, what? And I couldn't wait to talk to you about it because I could totally picture someone saying to you some story that totally never happened and you not wanting to be confrontational. So you just go along with it. Is that what happened? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. The fucking whole show. How did you not say that never happened? He just caught me off guard. He caught you off guard? I was like. Did at any point in time you say, I should probably say this never happened? No. I was like, he was like, you lost everything in my head. I was like, I did? He was like, but you made it all back. And I go, I did? Where is this coming from? I have no idea. He said it. And I just was like, uh-huh. Why did you say that never happened? I don't know. I didn't even know what I said after. He's like, how did you do it? And I was like, I don't know, Shannon. I just focused and really started. Like, I have no fucking clue. I should not be allowed to talk on microphones. I literally was like, I don't know what I said even after it, to be honest with you. But I was like, I guess he has it in his notes. So I was like, yeah. So someone must have Googled that Bert Kreischer, probably some Reddit thread, Bert Kreischer lost everything. I guess. And like, you know, the stories about you online are more prevalent than the true ones. So you just go, I guess that's what he heard. And you just went with it? I don't know. That's so weird to do. I was I had no I was like in my head I was like trying to think maybe he was talking about like you know I had development deals when I got into the business Yeah but you didn lose them They gave you money No no no It just never became a show but then no but I saying like maybe I was in my head I was like maybe he thinking that like you know I had a lot of development deals early and then I didn't for a few years and I worked the road and maybe that's what he was saying and then I made I'm back I don't know I was like but even when you worked the road you worked the road then you had the travel channel show there was no period where it made sense by the way that is the least of my fish to fry on that fucking show I got in so much trouble that that show every clip you do goes viral every i just i'm like i i i was as when i got done that i haven't felt this in a long time i was like i was like wow i was like i think i'm gonna get a lot of text when this airs well it seems like he wants that right he's got a lot of people on the show that talk a lot of shit a lot of people like kat williams famously was that that episode was fucking amazing we talked about that went in on everybody including me that's why i got him on the podcast. He said, Joe Rogan won't have me on. Has the same funny three motherfuckers. Unfunny. Yeah. Same seven unfunny motherfuckers. I was like, dude, I love Cat Williams. What are you talking about? He's the best. I'm like, I never met him. Yeah. I had never met him before. It's like, it wasn't that I wouldn't have him on. It's like, I didn't even know he wanted to come on. I would have had him on. That interview was, with him, was epic. Amazing. And accurate. The thing about his shit talking is, it's not, he's not lying. No. No. It's, you know, it's When I got out I was like It's I don't mean this with disrespect, but it's Les Shannon I think more as producers, because he's got cards So I think the producers are like What clip's gonna pop? I think they go online Right, they try to find controversial subjects Like he brought up, I told you he brought up one He's like, Bert, you think Kevin Hart's just lucky And I was like, mother I was like, I said that fucking 12 years ago And it was just, it was all it was And I know I'm even, but it was, this is what it was, Joe. It's like at a time when none of us were making money, but like the younger companies were making money. And you're online and you watch Kevin and you know Kevin knows I love him. But Kevin's like, I'm the hardest working motherfucker. I'm the hardest working. And in my head I was like, we're all working hard. But a lot of people, you know, were just, you know, waiting for a moment to get in front of people. And then I was like, and then I had an agent very casually, like not mine, but at a thing. and he goes, you know, Kevin should mention how lucky he got. I said, what do you mean? He like you know about fool gold right I was like no He like well that the beef between Kevin and Kat Is cat packed a gun in his luggage to go shoot fool gold And he got detained and they were in production and they like we need we need someone small and black to fit these clothes We already got clothes for him. Yeah, and he's like get Kevin Hart and That was the story I wanted Kevin to tell because that as a comic you can kind of put your head around that and I've and by the way I did not do a good job of explaining it on Shannon show because it's like, you know, I'm going to fucking talk out of my ass. But like every comic has had these like moments that skyrocket them, right? These moments that pop. And I went through it. And I think you'll understand it now. But for me, it was the machine story going viral. For Bill Burr, it's the Philly rant. With Bill, that Philly rant just put him in the next level. Jim Jefferies, he gets punched in the head at the comedy store in London. His manager happens to be a guy that knows the internet, Brett Vincent, posted on MySpace, goes viral. Every comic that pops always has that. Tom, as I was telling this to Tom, he goes, yeah, it was me, Netflix. He was like, Tom got on Netflix. I mean, I didn't even realize this. Tom said it to me. He got on Netflix when there were two comics on Netflix. Bill Burr and Tom Segura. Bill puts his special out. They're like, did you like Bill Burr? You might like Tom Segura. And Tom's like, if Comedy Central had bought my hour, I would have been fucked. But instead, I sold it to this small streamer, Netflix. and the only other one they had was Bill Burr. And so as comics, I think sometimes, and you know how much I believe in luck, it's easier to hear about someone's luck where you go, oh, that is crazy, that happenstance. I mean, we've said it about you, and I know you probably disagree maybe to a certain extent, but I think the greatest thing that ever happened to you was that getting kicked out of the comedy store, that period of time where you had to reevaluate yourself and you created this, what you have. I mean, you would speak to it better than I could, but I think as comics, we look at you reinventing yourself and reimagining yourself and making it your own fucking entity and creating this podcast, which has changed all of our lives. That moment, and it must have been tough to lose your agent, get kicked out of the comedy store, and have to figure things out, that everyone got behind you. Everyone was like, that's my guy. I mean, I'm curious what your feelings about that are. Okay, if your New Year's resolution was change everything and be a new person, good luck. So instead of pretending you're going to make I mean, I'm curious what your feelings about that are. 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I partnered with AG1 for years, and if you want to give it a try, head to drinkag1.com slash joerogan. You'll get the welcome kit, a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2, and AG1 travel packs for free with your first subscription. Just head to drinkag1.com slash joerogan or visit the link in the description to get started. I mean, that certainly had an impact. You know, it was also the Mencia video where people could clearly see that I was right. Yes. And then we were all a victim. Like we were all hiding at the store. Like when he would go on stage or he would be in the back of the room. If you were on stage, they would flash the light to let you know that he was in the room. You know how crazy that is that there's a guy around that steals so much that they have to flash a light whenever a comic's on stage. And then comics would just start doing crowd work. Yeah. That's insane to me. It was crazy. So all the comics knew that what I was saying was the truth. And it was proved by the consequences of someone who was already successful, right? So I was already on Fear Factor at the time. I was already a known person. And I lost my agent, and I got kicked out of the store. That video was akin to the Philly rant. Jim Jefferies getting punted. That viral moment for you, which— It was also how well Red Band put it together, too. because he's such a good editor. He's so brilliant. It was music. He went back in time. He spent a lot of time working on that It was a work of art But it was you know it was the first time that someone was held accountable because you know we don have to name names But we all know people who snuck through and still kind of have careers, although greatly diminished impact. Because like when they go on stage now, people are excited to see them because they're famous. And then that immediately goes away when you realize there's nothing there. They have no material because they have to write for themselves now. Yeah. You see a giant drop off. You see the early specials with like great jokes and really funny. And then you see like, what is this nonsense? Towards the end, it's just like weird fucking like nonsensical rant something. It's bizarre to watch. But that's what happens when you get exposed and you have to do your own shit. And there's a few of those guys floating around out there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's crazy because the one thing... You want a cigar? I can't smoke cigars. Really? What happened? Blood clot. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I'm not supposed to smoke cigars. I mean, I could text my cardiologist and see what he says. I heard cigars are good for you. I heard they're good for your heart. They gave them to Teddy Roosevelt. Yeah. Look what happened to him. I don't know. I could have one cigar. If you're going to smoke one in here, I mean, yeah. That's what I'm saying, dog. Come on, son. What are you doing? Just do it like old school Rogan where anytime I smoked weed, you had to pull the camera away from me. Because you're on the Travel Channel? Yeah, I mean, we all have a moment where things, but it's like an accumulation of those moments, right? You know what it is? It's like you get that moment. Like I'll use Burr as an example because, you know, only because I've talked to him about this specifically. But like he didn't love the Philly ramp because right away everyone thought, oh, that's his thing. We're going to heckle him and he'll go lose his shit. So he didn't love it, but the thing is that that goes viral and then you google that person You're like who is this and then you see a body of work. That's undeniable Like Oh Bill Burr's my guy, you know for for for Shane, I mean in my opinion It's it's that YouTube specially did and then you see Gillian Keeves you see all his sketches It was also him getting kicked off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah him getting kicked off vest. No was huge Yeah, it's the best thing that ever happened to him if he was on SNL who got buried on that show like a lot of people But instead he gets kicked off a bunch of people are mad at him and then like well What did he actually say and then people start looking into it and they go oh he was just fucking around He was pretending to be a racist guy in Chinatown Yeah. That was the bit. Like he was just, they were just talking shit on a podcast. And then he releases that special and you go, oh, he's actually a great comic. He's a dude. He's a Special Olympics joke. He's got so many good jokes. His Special Olympics jokes. We were in the bus one time. and my cousin Andrew goes, has anyone known Shane Gillis? And I've known Shane for a while. I have hysterical emails that he sent me back when he was like, just like an open mic or whatever. Like going like, hey man, I feel like we connected. They're the greatest, Joe. If he knew that I was, he'd be, I should face him and go, hey, can I read your emails on Joe? He'd fucking lose his shit. They're so fucking hysterical, Joe. I'll send them to you. And so I go, yeah, I love Shane. I love Shane. The day I met him, he goes, he's like, yeah, I'm supposed to go out with my girlfriend tonight. And I was like, but it was like 10 in the morning. We were drinking Fireball. And he was like. 10 in the morning? Yeah, we were doing, he used to do call-in sick-to-work shows where we'd go to the club. You were drinking Fireball at 10 a.m.? He's like, that's what he said. He's like, I'm supposed to go out with my girlfriend. I said, what's your girlfriend's name? And he goes, Big Tuna. And I went, Big Tuna? He goes, she's a big girl. And I was like, yeah, I figured from the name, Shane. And then I fucking, from that day on, but that special Olympics jokes, when we listened to it in the bus, he's like, what do you think, should we race them? I mean, we were crying fucking laughing. That's like one of my favorite jokes I've fucking ever heard. He's got a lot of great bits, but that special he did at the Creek in the Cave, that was like, people got to see. They're like, oh, okay, well, this is what he does. He touches on that third wire. Yeah. The third rail, rather. And it's like, you know, it's funny. It's really funny. And they were trying to label him as this horrible racist that Saturday Night Live hired. But, you know. Anything but, from my opinion. But that happens, man. You're going to, you know, you're going to get attacked. There's always something. There's always something that a comic says where someone's going to get mad, especially in this day and age. People are just looking for things to get mad. But almost always it helps them. If they're a good comic, almost always. Like Tony Hinchcliffe, it blew him up. Like almost always when something happens, you get attacked, people start looking at you. Actually, this guy's really funny. And then they become a fan. Yeah. Because you just getting so many more eyeballs The people that are looking to hate you they going to hate you no matter what But there going to be a bunch of people that are all like well what going on And then they look into it I mean that happened to me during COVID I gained two million followers in like a month. Two million followers on Spotify in a month when they were trying to pull me off of Spotify, when all these music artists were calling me a vaccine denier and removing their podcast, removing their music. Like when Neil Young and was it Joni Mitchell? Yeah, Joni Mitchell, they publicly removed their music from Spotify because of my podcast. Are they back? Yeah. I don't know if Joni Mitchell is, but yeah, Neil Young is. I don't even think Neil Young actually owned his music, which was funny. I think it was just like a ploy. I mean, it's like I think he probably believed a lot of things he was saying. He was just misinformed. He just didn't understand that I was actually talking to people that were legitimate scientists that turned out they were right now. Now we know. Yeah. But back then it was like there was this hysteria about it. And a lot of people that were very skeptical started tuning in. And then the whole fucking CNN thing when they turned me green, like all that shit, it just that helped. I don't know if I could have like I'm not good that people always go, you know, if they're talking about you, it's good. All press is good press. but anytime anything negative comes out about me it fucking devastates me I could not have gone through what you went through I just don't read it if you don't read it you're fine because you come up in my news feed all the time and I'm such a fucking idiot that if I'm scrolling through Google News and I see my name I go oh what's that and then I'm like god damn it last time I did this show greatest experience, great hang Lucky streaming number one on Netflix. I'm so fucking happy. I'm in my bed going, things are going good for the big guy. Hit on Google News, and it's like, picture of me and you. It was like, Bert Kreischer, Joe Rogan. And they're like, Bert Kreischer ruins the Joe Rogan podcast. I'm like, motherfucker. And it was an MMA fucking journalist. And I was like, wait, why? God damn it. And I was like, ugh. And then you see it, and you're like, well, it can't be that bad. I'm going to read it. And they're like, oh, my God. But then my daughter, Georgia, said something very profound to me. She was like why would you allow that I'm sure that guy write that same article after this episode I'm sure he will I think the guy also has a fucking football feed. He said I ruined the Anytime I do something there's someone that says burk rice it ruined it She goes, I'm sure he will. She goes, I'm sure he will. I think the guy also has a fucking football feed. He said I ruined the, anytime I do something, there's someone that says, Burk Riser ruined it. And I'm the only one that reads it. And my daughter Georgia goes, literally looked at me and goes, did you have fun with Joe? I went, yeah, I had a blast. I love being around Joe. She was like, then fuck it. She goes, your experience is the one that matters the most. She goes, why would you allow someone to dictate your memory of an event? And I was like, who the fuck raised you? I was like, I don't know. Well, you were on the road. She probably raised herself. That's why she's so wise. She had to form her own opinions. She had to read books. Yeah. She had to actually form her own opinions and think about things rationally, having a father like you. You can't pay attention because the vast majority of people live miserable lives. That's Thoreau's quote. Most men live lives of quiet desperation. There's a lot of people out there that are very, very sad, very unhappy, and looking to make something negative. They're always looking to be a critic, which is fine. You know, that's their prerogative. But it's not – you don't have to read it. Well, it's – I'm at the place now – like I took Google News. I took all Google and everything off my phone because the series premiered, and I didn't want to get good or bad. I was like – because you can't quantify the good. Like if you're going to listen to the good, you've got to listen to the bad. And I was like, well, I don't want to hear the bad, so I just want to hear the good. And then Jamie and I were talking about this outside, but you have a social media team who's posting your claps. They're posting the nice articles. And I'm like, don't even post that. Because I don't even – just stay out of it. If people like it, let them like it. Yeah, let people have their own opinions. That's the best move. I don't have anybody that does that. I don't have any of that shit. Do you post all your own stuff on Instagram? Yeah, on Instagram, if I post it, it's from me. Really? Yeah, always. Yeah. And then there's the Joe Rogan Experience page that the staff does. But that is just a clip from the podcast. They take an interesting clip where someone says something. It's put up with no context. It just says, you know, episode, blah, blah, blah. That's it. I try to do it as like natural and neutral. You like it. You don't like it. If you don't like it, don't listen to the next one. It's OK. So what is the impetus for you to post something? Like at what point do you decide to share your life Well I just feel like if there something I think someone will think is interesting or something that I would like to see if someone puts it on their feed I put it in there every now and then. But I don't post that much because I don't read that much. I stay off. I don't think it's good for you. Not only do I not think it's good for you, I think it's genuinely bad for you. And it gets in the way of all the other stuff that I like to do. I'm busy, man. I'm busy. There's a lot of interesting shit to pay attention to in the world. I'm not one of those things. I don't like paying attention to me and reading me. And I don't want to go online and see too many car crashes and people getting shot and animal attacks. I guess Tommy and I have the worst fucking text message chain. Him and I all day, whenever he finds something unbelievably horrific, some guy getting run over by a truck, he'll just send it to me. And then I'll send it to him. And we're always trying to one-up each other. So when I find something absolutely horrible, someone says me something absolutely horrible, I send it to him. And then we just – that's like my main source of like trauma online is my Tom Segura text message chain. But other than that, I pretty much stay off. I don't think it's good for you. And I feel way better. I started doing it a few months ago. It's like a force of habit. Like I'm looking at it all the time. Let me just not look at it today. And then I did it another day and another day. I'm like, God, I feel better. I feel better. Like I genuinely feel better. It's like I'm getting over a cold or something like that. And so I said, all right, well, obviously, like engage. Definitely don't read anything. Like definitely don't like read when people say things about you. Definitely don't read when you post something. Read the comments. Don't do any of that. You know, people get wrapped up in it and you realize like people are just trying to take you down. There's so, I mean, not all of them. A lot of people are supporting you. But it doesn't matter if there's like ten people that love you and one person that hates you you're gonna think about that one person You know which is nuts, but it's just human nature It's crazy how that algorithm works is that it's just like if there's someone in the front row that's not laughing like last night I had a I Don't know it's the bottom of the barrel, and I don't know how rape came up, but It always does I was like well. There's no phones in here Let's go I said if I'm gonna go for it's in this room right and And there was a woman that did not like it. And she was a little vocal in the crowd. You know, the bounce was like, you know, let him, you know, he was working this out or whatever. And then she's like, I was told to shut up. And then the rest of the night I watching her to the corner of my eye going God damn it And then I just dug holes and holes and holes and then at one point the whole audience is chanting rape and I like oh my god this is bad but it's funny and then also it's like listen say you're some fucking dude looking for a connection in life and you go to my page and you leave a hundred comments and they're like you're the best bird I love you when you come to Cincinnati I'm gonna be here Tampa I'll be there man I'm gonna drive and then the one time he's like you're a fucking bitch and then I reply he's like oh I guess that's how I get the cat to come outside you know so that's why I don't read any comments you know the Whitney thing about Miss Rachel I don't know who Miss Rachel is I found out who she is today 1.8 billion views on how to say mom and dad and I was like it makes sense man well she's an educator for neurodivergent kids is that what it is Yeah, I watched a couple of videos. Pull up some videos of Miss Rachel. Because after people were – by the way, the worst fucking people were going after her. People that I know that are comedians that are just unbelievably shitty, dishonest, disingenuous human beings, bad faith communicators, people that just like completely distort anything about the person. Yeah. And it's just because she's successful. It's a giant part of it. And so they see her making some crack about Miss Rachel because she was watching it with her kid. She didn't know what the fuck it is. So here's Miss Rachel. Let me hear what this sounds like. I don't hear it, Jamie. No. No, not at all. I don't hear anything in my own microphone. Do you hear it? I don't hear you, Bert. There we go. There we go. Four. Four must be the number of the day. The dinosaur eggs are hatching. Wow. How many dinosaurs do we have? One, two, three, four. Okay, pause. Why would you go after this? Like, this is like a little kid show. She must have been bored. There's nothing different from this in Blue's Clues, in my opinion. It's a show for little kids. Yeah. Like, I don't get it. I don't know, maybe she was just trying to- She was bored She was trying to write a joke and thought she get some traction I guess Maybe she took two instead of one And then she got a little extra energy I don know what she doing All of a sudden she's like, fuck Miss Rachel. But then she started responding to people because she didn't understand what it was she said. And then she took it down and apologized. But you can't apologize to the mob. They come for you. They come for you. And she learned. And I texted her. I said, listen, I love you to death. You gotta stop going back and forth to these people. You can't do that. It's not, they don't, this is not a genuine conversation. They don't care if you're, like if you were a person and you were someone's friend and you started shitting on Miss Rachel and someone said, actually that's like for kids with learning disorders. And you'd be like, oh fuck, I didn't know. And that would be the end of it. And then we'd laugh, you know, but these people are not looking for a real conversation. They're just looking to destroy your life. And then so many people like, she lost her career, career's over like what but you weren't going to see her anyway you fucking cunt like what are you talking about you weren't you weren't going to pay to see her anyway stop saying her career's over it's not doing a damn thing to her career you just want it to be over because you live a miserable fucking life which is why you're on threads 12 hours a day so funny you say that i just read something negative about whitney on threads today i was like what does she do bro threads is the And then I saw the miss Rachel shit, and I watched the video. I had two kids. I don't know I look at that as I go that's nice If that's it's like for people who already been like humiliated on Twitter, and they're trying to find a new crowd Yeah, it's very weird very very like so much negativity not that Twitter isn't like Twitter super negative to have a bit on X I try to look at the news only I try to look at news and things that people are exposing That's in the news which is very interesting speaking of which what was that thing that you found? So this is very strange. This is about people being able to communicate in lucid dreaming. Scientists report first-ever communication between two humans during sleep. Oh, I'd love this. Scientists say that science fiction may be coming closer to reality according to reports California startup claims it successfully enabled two-way communication between people while they were lucid dreaming. Participants were asleep in separate locations while researchers monitored their sleep and transmitted a coded word designed to be perceived inside a dream without waking them. The system reportedly relied on sensors, wireless communication, submitted a coded word designed to be perceived inside a dream without waking them. submitted a coded word designed to be perceived inside a dream without waking them. The system reportedly relied on sensors, wireless communication, and specialized software to detect dream states and relay the message. The company's founder says that what once sounded like science fiction could soon become a part of daily life. But they're not saying what happened. No independent scientific replication has confirmed the results yet. Still, the experiment builds on real research showing that interaction between lucid dreams as possible. Yeah, but what is the interaction? The coded word, I guess, was it. Did they relay the coded word to each other? They both got the coded word? That's where I started getting into weird space. I found out this was posted on Instagram like yesterday or something. I Googled it. Press release was from 2024. Breakthrough from REM space. First ever communication between people and dreams. So this is the article about it in Business Wire. Lucid dreams occur. participants are sleeping in their homes brainwaves and other polysomnographic data were tracked remotely specially designed developed apparatus when the server detected the first participant entered a lucid dream it generated a how do they detect that someone's in a lucid dream because a lucid dream is a dream where you're aware that you're dreaming yes it generated a random remyo word and sent it to him via earbuds, participant repeated the word in his dream with his response captured and stored on the server. What? Eight minutes later, the next participant entered a lucid dream. She received the stored message from the first participant and confirmed it upon awakening. Huh. It's a little vague. It sounds like they're saying it in the room and the person's grabbing it? No, they're sending it through earbuds. Yeah, they were both in their own houses, it said at the time. Yeah. So they receive it through earbuds. He says it in the dream and then she receives it. No. Huh. Well, you got to wonder what is happening in dreams. Dreams are very bizarre. Have you ever lucid dreamed? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've done it a couple of times, but I haven't on purpose. And I've always wondered why not. Like why haven't I read books on lucid dreams? Why haven't I tried to do it? I think it's something that just happens. No, you could actually do it. You could there guys that practice lucid dreaming I mean I lucid dream pretty extensively Yeah Like I since I remember when you came out with AlphaBrain you one of the first things you said would help with lucid dreaming Oh, if you take it before bed, it definitely helps with lucid dreaming. Yeah, and I remember saying, I didn't know what lucid dreaming was at the time, and then I found out I was lucid dreaming. And I've lucid dreamed my whole life, but now that once I knew what it was, I could stay in a dream and decide, and I could go back into dreams. I could restart a dream that I just had, go back to sleep and go, I'm going back in. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds crazy. And I know it sounds like horseshit, but I never knew what it was. I never knew what it was until Alpha Brain. There's actual techniques that people practice and apparently they give classes and courses on how to do lucid, there's books written on it. There's, there's real techniques on how to lucid dream. I just never, I don't know why. Like I, when I'm tired, I just want to go to sleep. I go hard all day yeah when i crash i just crash i don't want to be fucking around experimenting while i'm sleeping i just want to go to sleep my lucid dreams primarily are either like i'm i realize i'm dreaming i go i'm asleep i'm dreaming this isn't real oh shit i'm in control and then and then a lot of times it has to do with fucking like i'm like oh i don't have to put a condom on this is great this is fucking i can't i'm gonna bang all these fucking chicks in this room and And then one time I had a lucid dream where I was like, I could, I knew I was dreaming. I was outside. I had to go up these steps into like an old cottage, like one of those old Hollywood cottages. And I was like, I gotta fuck, I gotta have sex with anyone I want. And in my dream, I was like, oh, pick your wife. How cool is that? And then I went to this cottage. I know I fucked my wife. How cool is that? I know. I could have fucked her in real life. And then, but a lot of my dreams back in the day when we, when I first started lucid dreaming, I would always decide to fly. and I remember I had one right after we the first time I ever tried AlphaBrain I had one and it was I was doing a photo shoot on Melrose and I was like I don't want to be here and then I was like wait I'm dreaming this isn't real I was like I'm going to fly home and so I just leapt up in the air started flying over Hollywood and then over the hills and then I was like wait I have no idea I have no frame of reference for where I am I was like it's getting dark and I was like where's the 101 and then in the dream I was just started and then I'll wake up shortly thereafter, but it's a lot of like, a lot of sex and a lot of flying. A lot of people breathe underwater in their dreams Oh never breathe underwater Yeah they breathe underwater in their dreams they fly Flying like really common I used to have like crazy fucking dreams like wild I sold a TV show to Comedy Central about my dreams. I've had dreams where I wake up laughing. I've had dreams where I wake up crying. Like I have such insane fucking dreams. But no one ever wants to hear you. I would have dream joke dreams, like real joke dreams. Like I had a dream. this is a real dream I had where I was on stage and I was in a dance position like this. And, uh, there's a, I know this sounds horseshit is a real dream. And, uh, and the curtains drawn and I look around and I see I'm standing on stage with four or five dudes that are all in clan outfits. And I'm like, Oh fuck. And I looked down and I realized I'm in a clan outfit and I'm like, motherfucker. And I'm like, I gotta get off stage and the curtains draw back. And I hear, and it's an all black people. And I hear the voice, the voice of God go, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the click clack clan. And we started tap dancing and we were so good that the black people got to their feet and they started cheering and we're like, Oh my God. And so, yeah, I was, and that was a real dream. I woke up and I wrote it down. I used to write down all my dreams, voice text them. I used to voice text them all. I'd have dreams about you and Stanhope and Joey Diaz. It was like my whole world. I used to think to myself, I dreamed about Shaq the other day. I was like, I wonder if Shaq ever dreams about me. I bet he doesn't. I bet he doesn't. Who's someone you've had a dream about recently? I don't really have dreams, too many dreams about people, not people that I know. What are your dreams about? My dreams are weird, man. Like, let's dig into this. I had a dream that I came on the podcast. I had to talk about because it was the absolute strangest, most realistic dream of my life. And it was a dream where I encountered these beings that were not human. And it was insanely realistic. They were very human-like. I think there was four of them. They were tall and thin and they didn't look human. Their heads were too big. Their eyes were too big. And I think they had teeth. I don't remember. but I remember they were joking with me, like, they scared me? And they went, ah, just fucking around. Like trying to get me comfortable with who they are. And they were communicating with me somehow or another through thoughts And I was really freaked out because they seemed very very real it didn seem like any other dream that I had so much so that I woke up at like 3 30 in the morning and I just lay in bed for an hour trying to go back to sleep and I couldn't go back to sleep I was almost like I'm not asleep I'm wide awake yeah and so I went to the gym and I just worked out at four in the morning and I worked out for like two hours And after it was over, I got in the sauna, did the whole thing. And then I came to work. I was like, I have to talk about this right away because it was so strange. It was one of the only dreams that I've ever had that did not feel at all like a dream. It felt like I was encountering someone or something that was trying to get me comfortable with the idea of encountering them. It wasn't like a dream. I was in the corridor of something that seemed like it was not like it was from here. It was like from somewhere else, but it was almost like it was very oddly lit. Like the walls were lit in a very strange way. But it was almost like it was this corridor, but it had a feeling almost like it was organic. Like it was alive. Like it was a living thing. It was very fucking strange. What if that was – but what if that is something that you did in fact experience that was taken out of your memory and then it's stuck in your memory and you're dreaming about it? I don't know. I mean you could maybe all day long, right? And so my feeling was that I had – and this is, again, it clearly was I was dreaming, right? So it clearly could have been just a dream. But what it felt like was that it was an actual encounter with intelligence that wasn't human. That's what it felt like. And it felt like these things were not – they were not us and maybe they were what a human will be someday because they were human-like. But they were very slender. They were very thin. And they were wearing these suits that were like almost like rash guards like what surfers wear. but a strange fabric, like it looked weird. And it was the color of their skin, but it was clear that they were wearing something. It didn't appear that they had any genitals. They had no muscle tone at all. They were just thin and they were communicating with me and looking at me and they were communicating had any genitals. They had no muscle tone at all. They were just thin and they were communicating with me and looking at me and they were, they were close, like where you are right now. And I think, like I said, I think it was at least three of them. I think there was four of them, but I remember there was one that was going like, like joke and then like, ah, joking around with me, like trying to scare me. And then like, like, and it felt to me after they did it, like, relax, like this is okay like don't be freaked out whatever this is don't be freaked out and then i woke up and when i woke and then there was also this weird reptilian element of it there was like a barrier they had a barrier and they were feeding like with they were like pouring food to these things that almost like was letting me know the the protection between you and this horrific danger that's out there in the world, in the universe, in life, is very thin. There's very thin protection. There's not much protection. It was just like a barrier, like a simple barrier, like a fucking blockade they put to keep a crowd from passing through an area to let you know you're not supposed to go here. It's crazy how much you... How long ago did you have this dream? A few months ago. But isn't it so wild that something that didn't happen can be locked in your memory and then you just, you're like, God, it affects you almost like it did. Well, now it's like a memory of my recollection of the memory, which is odd, which is memories in general, which is why people distort memories and change them and make the past something that's not real. You know, you've talked to people that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we all do it. I do it on podcasts. Yeah, everybody does it. But this was different. Whatever this dream was, I mean, look, There's a lot of confusion about what happens during sleep. We don't exactly know why you have dreams and what it's all – what's the function of it, what's the purpose of it. But this one was different. It was much more realistic than any dream I had ever experienced before. Like the interaction between me and these creatures, these beings was very different than anything I had ever experienced in a dream. to the point like I felt it physically. And I woke up I can sleep on a bag of rocks I can just go to sleep dude I have no it drives my wife crazy because she struggles to sleep And if we got on a plane I just I just cock out because I always going So like when it's time, when it's downtime, I don't have a problem sleeping, dog. I can go to sleep. I'll sleep on a roof. I can sleep. I couldn't go back to sleep, which is really weird for me. I mean, I was wide awake at four in the morning, you know? And I'm like, okay, I'm going to the gym. Because I laid in bed for a whole hour trying to go back to sleep. It's just a dream. Just go to sleep. I'm like, dude, just get up. You're not going to sleep. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm up. I'll just go work out. Maybe that'll help me go to sleep. Nope. I was wide awake. Wide awake. I wasn't even – most of the time when I'm working out, I'm either watching music or watching fights on TV. I didn't even do that. I was just by myself in silence trying to make sense of it. Just doing chin-ups and dips and trying to make sense of whatever the fuck that was. because it just didn't seem like a dream. It felt so real. It felt so real. And when I've talked to, like, my UFO friends, like Jesse Michaels, who's, like, really into UFOs, he's like, I think you had a real encounter. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what it was. But it certainly felt like a real encounter, whatever it was. Do you listen to anything while you sleep or you sleep in the silence? No. Oh, I listen to podcasts. So I'll have dreams. While you're sleeping? Always, always. That's so ridiculous. I listen to a podcast about Rasputin last night. You ever see his dick? They have his dick pickled in a jar. Are you serious? Yeah. Dude, he was the... Yeah, the guy was hung. You know, he was just fingering chicks. Are you sure? I don't know. I think he was fucking... It's not in the... With a giant hog like that? I think he's putting it to use. Find Rasputin's hog. But he was... That's what he did. I would love to see his dick. You'll see it. That's his dick. Oh, my God. Look at the size of that hog. By the way, that's limp and dead. Imagine what that thing looked like when it was hard. Look at that. Look in that guy's face. Look at the size of this cock. Look at this cock. Big old fucking pickled. That's a big dick. I mean, again, this is like a dead man's dick. So there's no blood in it at all. Imagine what that thing was like hard. Big old Russian dick. Big old axe handle. Thank God that wasn't my dream. So he was, you know, he was like, what does it say? Rasputin's alleged genitals were sold in 2000 for $8,000, still surrounded by mystery with some experts believing it might actually belong to a bull Shut up They had a hard time killing him Yeah they try to poison him right They shoot him at the end and then throw him in the fucking river Well Russians are different white people. Ah, that's the joke I missed last night. What? In the bottom of the barrel, they were like, Trump versus Putin. And I was like, and I was thinking about Rasputin, but I was thinking, but I was like, Russians are hard to kill. And then I just went on to fucking... What was this thing? He was like a spiritual advisor or something. Joe, that's a great topic. I'll tell you everything you know. Yeah, he was a self-described holy man from 1869 to 1966. He was from Siberia. So he gained significant influence with Tsar Nicholas II after 1905, rapidly earning the trust of both Nicholas himself and his wife, Alexandra. He became a healer, in quotes, for their hemophiliac son, Alexei. What was happening was Alexei was getting given aspirin by the doctors. and Rasputin came in and was like, yo, get the doctors away from him. And he was a hemophiliac, he had internal bleeding. And when they removed the aspirin, which is a blood thinner, the kid started to heal. And so the czarina said, he's magic. Even like at one point the kid was going to die and he wrote a letter and he said, your kid's going to be fine. I had a dream about it, but get the doctors out of there. And the doctors were always giving him aspirin and that was what was injuring the kid. They're all, all the royalty at that time were hemophiliacs. What? Yeah, because of the inbreeding. That's why they didn't have chins. They had long noses, and they were all hemophiliacs. Oh, God. And so, but what's crazy is the Russian, so she loved Rasputin and would write letters to Rasputin that kind of sounded a little sketchy, but then all of Russia started thinking this healer has an end to the czar and the czarina, so all of a sudden this healer is running the country. What they didn't know, they couldn't tell anyone, no, our kid's a fucking hemophiliac. They couldn't tell anyone that because then they looked weak. And so in a weird way, Ross Sputin got kind of thrown to the wolves because they couldn't tell him why they needed him. That she wasn't fucking him. That their marriage was intact. How do you know she wasn't fucking him with that big old giant dick? I don't know. That guy was laying pipe. He might have been. He probably was. She wrote a letter that says, I kiss your, like she wrote a letter and translation was like, kiss your cheek gently. Oh, yeah. Some shit. Yeah, he fucked her. It was Catherine the Great that fucked a horse. I heard about that. Didn't she die fucking a horse? I think so. I went to that barn. When I was in Russia we went to that barn If you inbreed multiple generations in a row and then give them ultimate power they going to start fucking horses I mean what kind of life is that What kind of weird world is that? You're born royal? It's insane. You know what I'm watching again? What? Game of Thrones. Started it all from the beginning. Are you serious? Fucking amazing. We're on season two now. You wait your family? Yeah. Me and my wife. It's so good, dude. We did it with the girls on vacation. Bro, whoever that dude is that played Joffrey, that guy should get all the awards. Yeah. He's so good. His transition from being like a shitty kid to an evil king is fucking amazing. The way he plays Joffrey is fucking incredible. Yeah. I forgot how good that show is. It's one of the greatest shows of all time. But you'll never- It's so good. You'll never see him as anything other than Joffrey. It's a problem. yeah that's a problem for a lot of people that have like significant like kramer like you know like two things a couple things this is the other thing do you know he wrote a book and didn't mention that in the book really yeah that's interesting yeah somebody read the book one of the comics read the book he's like i'm waiting for that to come up because he never fucking brings it up what's the what's the title a tell-all book except for one thing except for the fucking biggest thing that's ever the biggest thing that ever happened to my life that it was the first cancellation, the first public cancellation. Was that really the first cancellation? Oh yeah, through viral video. The first public cancellation through viral video. Because I remember that night, because I think I was at the improv and then I came over to the store. Oh, I do remember that night. And Brent Ernst was at the store. He had just come over from the Laugh Factory. He goes, bro. He goes, I was just at the Laugh Factory. He goes, Kramer was off the rails. He goes, he went nuts. He got heckled. He started yelling the n-word at these fucking people in the audience i go no he goes dude it was fucking crazy he goes he was bombing and they were heckling him and then he starts dropping n-bombs i'm like no way he goes yeah i don't know what the fuck he was on but he he did a set at the store he seemed a little a little speedy yeah a little you know a little elevated and then left the store bombed the store and went over to the laugh factory and that was that night he did uh he was at the improv the weekend before and I was there and he was he was doing stand-up but he was doing of a version of Kramer a version of like crazy and he fell on a glass Broke the glass I cut him but everyone laughed and I think everyone's like a version of Kramer, a version of like crazy. a version of Kramer, a version of like crazy. And he fell on a glass and broke the glass and cut himself. But everyone laughed. And I think everyone's like, I think he's bleeding. But it was like really off. Well, he was doing really off stuff from the jump. Like he came to the store. I think he just decided to start doing standup because Seinfeld had been canceled for a long time. Want to start doing something again. And he started doing standup, but he didn't have any material. He would just kind of fall down. It was weird. He would pretend that something went wrong and try to do the mic stand and slip and fall. It was very odd, which is also my theory that I've been telling everybody about Chevy Chase. Ooh, I'd love to hear this. So everybody is talking about what a terrible person Chevy Chase is, and there's all these videos that come out of him screaming at people and being mean. I saw one with Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, and him, where it's like right when they're promoting Caddyshack. He yells at some other guy, right? Some other guy that's on the set. And this is my take on it. I want you to pull up the, like a compilation of Chevy Chase's pratfalls. Okay. Chevy Chase has to be in constant pain. Has to be. He has to be in constant pain and almost 100% has CTE. Chevy Chase used to throw himself down flights of stairs. He used to throw himself off the stage into chairs and tables. He used to, like, slip, go flying through the air, land on his head. The most ridiculous pratfalls. The most aggressive, violent pratfalls you've ever seen. And he did this for years. Yeah. For years. Like he was in a car crash multiple times a week for years. Wow. Yeah. I mean, maybe he had a shitty personality already. I don't know. He was also that first generation of what fame is. Like he was the most famous person to ever come off SNL ever. Like his walking off SNL was like get ready for a movie star. And I don't think we'll ever – I won't ever understand the level of fame he had. At the time. Like his fame was like – and this is also – I mean like look. I love Burt Reynolds. But Steve Martin was super famous too, and he's not a cunt. No. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't think that's it. I want you to see these videos I don know why I can find a compilation I can find a bunch of videos of it I know there a compilation because I seen it I just typed it in and the video that pops up only has it a four video of him on Johnny Carson No, no. I'm just. I know. I'm telling you. There's a bunch. There's a bunch. Gerald Ford. That was Gerald Ford fell, right? So he would, yeah, because Gerald Ford was kind of like Biden. He would fall all the time. So here it is. Dude. Look at that. You know how hard he falls there? Go back and watch that again. Watch how hard he falls when he does this. This is him doing this Christmas... What happened? The Christmas thing that you just showed. I'm telling you, I just accidentally disappeared. Hmm. You can find it. There it is. Okay, watch this. Watch this. Watch him fall. Boom. Head first. With the tree. Falls down. barely stops his fall Chevy Chase worst wrestling moments from Saturday Night Live like this is just this is him just stumbling around this is nothing but there's videos of him fall okay obviously that chair is going to break no this is not what I'm looking for see if you can find it find it and get back to us but I know there's videos of him literally flying off stage, landing on his back, slipping, legs up in the air, landing on his head. Just that ladder? Yeah. I had to fall off a ladder for a TV show one time. They're like, we need you to fall. And they had a crash pad. You get four steps up a ladder, you're high as fuck. Well, even if you have a crash pad, your head is wobbling around, right? So your brain is sloshing around from the impact. This is one of the things that people don't realize. It's like football players get brain damage from getting hit in the chest. So CTE you can get from riding a jet ski, from bouncing on the waves. It's your brain walking, fucking bouncing around off the walls of your skull. From roller coasters. You can get it from everything. You can get it from a lot of things. Repeated subconcussive trauma. But he fell and landed on his fucking head. Yeah. And if you find the video that's a compilation, there's a compilation of people like the worst falls of Chevy Chase. And it's crazy. Really? And he did this for years That was his thing Slip and fall slip and fall slip and fall And tons of coke All those things So slip and fall allegedly tons of coke Allegedly. Allegedly. I mean, I don't know. I mean. I read some books. Yeah, but the book on, do you know what happened when Bill Murray was here? When he was talking? Wired? Are you talking about Bill? Yeah. I love that book. So when he read Wired, he read, so the guy who wrote Wired was Bob Woodward. Bob Woodward was the guy that was involved in Watergate. He was the naval intelligence officer who became a journalist, and his first ever assignment was to take down the president, which is very suspicious. Tucker Carlson told me the whole story behind it. I was like, what? The people that broke in were all FBI. The whole thing was a setup. It was to set Nixon up. And they had already gotten rid of Spiro Agnew, who was his VP. They got him on, I think, corruption charges. I forget what it was. Didn't Kennedy put the bug system in there? It was the president before that put the wiring inside the room, right? What room? In Watergate. No. No, no, no, no, no. Listen, it was a setup. Nixon was not involved in the setup, but they told him about what happened, and then he was involved in the cover-up. That's how they got him. Oh, okay, okay. That's how they got him, and that's how he got removed from office. And the recordings were from his office, right? The recordings were from the Democratic Party. So he was recording the Democratic Party. He was secretly recording the opposition party, but he didn't do it. So the FBI did it, and then they brought it to him knowing that he would cover it up, and that's where he committed the crime. Like instead of coming out and saying, hey, some people have recorded these people. Even if he did that, they would have said he was involved. But the whole thing was to get him out of office. The reason why they wanted to get him out of office was because he was publicly and privately stating, at least amongst other people that were in the White House, that he knew who killed JFK and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Because, look, JFK had just been killed. He ran against JFK in 1960. 60 or 62? 62? What year was it? Either way, I think it was 60. He ran against JFK. And then JFK gets assassinated. And now he's the president. And when he's the president, he was publicly stating or privately saying to different people like he was going to get to the bottom of it and he knew who killed JFK. He was like investigating it. He was interested in it obviously because he was worried they were going to kill him And so then they set him up and they removed him from office and they put Gerald Ford in as his VP Gerald Ford was also on the Warren Commission Like the whole thing was a giant setup to get rid of the most popular president in the history of the country. You know, and everybody's like, oh, Nixon's a crook. Nixon's a crook. I'm not a crook. That was all like his gigantic propaganda PR campaign to remove Nixon from office. It was all a deep state operation. Wow. Nixon won the presidency, like the widest margin of anybody in history. He was the most popular president in history. And in today's days, we think of Nixon as being a crook and a scumbag, but he didn't even do it. He was just involved in the coverup when they brought it to him. It was like, what is he going to do? He's running for president again to reelection. And they're saying, you know, hey, these guys, They busted these guys recording things. Cover it up, cover it up, cover it up. And so that's how they got him. And what was his post-presidency like? So what do you mean? Let me finish. Oh, sorry. So before I go any further. So Bill Murray is here and he said he read the first couple pages of Wired. And he goes, he put it down. He goes, oh, my God, they framed Nixon. That was the first thing that he said. he said because the version that Bob Woodward told of John Belushi his very good friend was so wildly off he goes that time where John did that speedball and died was probably the only time where he ever did that he goes he was a total lightweight he would have a couple of drinks and he'd be drunk he wasn't a guy who did drugs all the time he goes it was all bullshit are you serious yes yes do you realize like guys like Chris Farley literally idolized John Belushi because of books like Wired. Exactly. Exactly. And, well, the difference is Chris Farley really was doing drugs. Myself, I idolized John Belushi. I read Wired when I was in college and was like, dude, this is, I mean, there's so many aspects of my personality that I draw from a book like that of, like, the way he was comfortable in an agent's office and about P-12 shots I get because of John Belushi. Well, I'm sure he did all those things and I'm sure he partied, but, like, the version, This this exaggerated version of just being completely out of control on drugs was fake And this is according to Bill Murray who's best friends with him. He's like, it's not true It's like if somebody tried to write something about you and I read it and I was like, this is not bird at all So his initial thought was oh my god. They framed Nixon Jesus Christ about you. And I read it and I was like, this is not Bird at all. So his initial thought was, about you. And I read it and I was like, this is not Bird at all. So his initial thought was, oh my God, they framed Nixon. Jesus Christ. And they did. They did frame Nixon. See if you can find the video of Tucker Carlson explaining to me how they framed Nixon. I have a copy of Wired in my tour bus. Yeah. Don't read it. I'm going to get rid of it. Bob Woodward was an intelligence agent. 100%. He was Naval intelligence. And then he left from that, which he never really leave. and then he became a reporter for the Washington Post. And his first job was Watergate. Which is nonsense. It's fucking insane. There's no way. A senior reporter would be covering the most important story. You wouldn't give it to a rookie whose first assignment. And what about Bernstein? What about him? I don't know. Because didn't they write it together? Yeah, they did. I mean, I don't know anything about Bernstein. And Deep Throat was their – did we ever find out who Deep Throat was? Yeah. Listen to this, though. This is seven minutes long. I watched the whole thing. Let's listen to some of it because it's interesting. that's what it is it's their tool and they're perfectly aware of that i mean i used to write for the new york times as a freelancer i mean i've been around the new york times a lot and there are uh yeah there are a lot of really smart people there but for sure even now i would less so now but there's still i think smart people there there are i know some and they know but they think that that you know it's worth it because they're bringing information or i don't know what they think actually but no they're they're tools of power and that's like the one thing that you're not allowed to be even if you think the power is good like maybe they all support the agenda of the u.s government destabilizing the world and impoverishing their own population maybe they're on board with that even if they are they shouldn't do it because the job of the media the press is to keep power in check. You are kind of like the seatbelt, right? You make sure that things don't go too far. And they're not doing that. They're acting as a willing handmaiden. When do you think that switched? Well, I think it's been the case for a long time. I mean, if you look at what happened to Richard Nixon, which I, of course, did not understand at all, Richard Nixon was taken out by the FBI and CIA and with the help of Bob Woodward, who was a Washington Post reporter who had been a naval intelligence officer working in the White House working in the Nixon White House And then he shows up like a year later and he this brand new reporter He never been a journalist at all He a naval intel officer the famous Bob Woodward we all revere. And he's at the Washington Post and somehow he gets the biggest story in the history of the Washington Post. He's the lead guy in that story. Well, I worked at a newspaper. I've been in the news business my whole life. That is not how it works. You don't take a kid like his first day from a totally unrelated business and put him on the biggest story. But he was. He was that guy. And who is his main source for Watergate? Oh, the number two guy at the FBI. Oh, so you have the naval intelligence officer working with the FBI official to destroy the president. OK, so that's a deep state coup. What else? How would you describe that if that happened in Guatemala? What would you say? And yet the way it was framed in the way that I accepted for decades was, oh, this intrepid reporter fought power. No, no, no. This intrepid reporter, Bob Woodward, was a tool of power, secret power, which is the most threatening kind, to bounce the single most popular president in American history, Richard Nixon, from office before the end of his term and replace him with who? Oh, Gerald Ford, who sat on the Warren Commission. Now, how did Gerald Ford get to be Richard Nixon's vice president? Well, because Carl Albert, the Democrat Speaker of the House, told him you must choose him. We will only confirm him when they sent the actual elected vice president away for tax evasion, Spiro Agnew of Maryland. So you have a complete setup. Gerald Ford, the only unelected president in American history, actually sat on the Warren Commission. Something else that I accepted at face value until I looked at it and I was like, that's completely insane. You didn't want to interview Jack Ruby in your investigation of the assassination? Okay, you're fake. Yeah, he was on the Warren Commission. And so, sorry for the long story, but the point is, like that happened in front of all of us, but the way it was framed cloaked the obvious reality of it. The people who broke into the Watergate office building from which the name is taken, Watergate, I think it was six of them or seven of them, all but one was a CIA employee. That's real. it. It's like, look it up on Google. So the whole thing, Richard Nixon was elected by more votes than any president in American history in the 1972 election He was the most popular by votes which is the only way we can really measure popularity the most popular president in his reelection campaign And two years later he gone Undone by a naval intel officer, the number two guy at the FBI, and a bunch of CIA employees. You tell me what that is. Those are the facts. Those are not disputed facts. That's not crackpot shit. That's just, look it up. So why did they want to get rid of Nixon? You know, there are a lot of theories on that. I mean, we don't, first of all, we don't need to know motive to know what happened. They, meaning unelected federal employees, got rid of Richard Nixon, which is the most anti-democratic way to make a leadership change that there is. Okay. I should just say at the outset, I actually kind of believe in democracy. Obviously, it's not working well. Obviously, it's ending globally. There will never be another liberal democracy, unfortunately. But I'm attached to it because I was born here. I really believe in it and it's better than any other system. So that's why I'm pissed. What was their motive? There are a lot of theories on this. There's an amazing conversation. It's on tape between Richard Nixon when he was still president. I think it was in 1973. And I think it was Richard Helms, the head of the CIA, though I may have fucked that up. But it was the head of the CIA. I think it was Helms. And Nixon says, I know why they killed Jack Kennedy. So Nixon was a student of history, obviously a flawed and complicated person, but a very, very smart person. And he was really interested in why this guy who'd been president, just one president before him, was murdered. And he didn't think it was a lone gunman who was mysteriously assassinated two days later by another lone gunman. Like, it's so obviously bullshit. And he knew that. And he said to the CIA director, and you can listen to the tape, it's on the internet, is totally silent on this question. So I think there was the impression, I don't think I know, that Nixon understood that the bureaucracy was really in control of the country. It wasn't elected officials. And that's a massive threat because it's true. That's good. Dude. Yeah. That's all media. Yeah. All media takes their slant and their angle and decides they're gonna dictate it their way as opposed to I don't even know I Don't even know of a journalist that I mean no one it's there's no one that sits Objectively and watches anything anymore No not in mainstream media No absolutely saw what they did with the photo of that kid who got shot that pretty guy who got shot in Minneapolis MSNBC doctored his photo and made him better looking, fixed his teeth, squared his jaw, gave him a tan. You haven't seen it? No. Please pull that up. We showed it yesterday, but we'll show it again today, the before and after. It's in the text that I sent you. It's fucking crazy. Look at the difference. What? Yeah, it's him on the left. He looks like Ari's brother. On the right, he looks like some fucking handsome crossfitter. Like, look at the difference. Look at the teeth. Look at the nose. They shrunk his nose. They widened his jaw. They shrunk his chin. It's crazy. They decided he was too ugly to be sympathetic towards. So then, man, this kind of bums me out. I mean, I always kind of had hopes up that if I turned on the news, I'd hear some objective rant or some objectiveness of anything. But there's none. Yeah, you got to go independent. You got to go to Glenn Greenwald and Michael Schellenberger and people like that, Matt Taibbi. You got to go to independent journalists. They're the only ones that are going to give you the real deal. People that are connected to giant corporations, their jobs distribute the news. They're not going to give you. They're going to give you a narrative that's approved. Who was Deep Throat? because Deep Throat was exposed. They did eventually expose Deep Throat, and it's even more shocking when you find out who Deep Throat was. I saw the movie. That's a different movie. That's about sucking cock. That's a good one. Well, the name Deep Throat was because in nod to the movie. Oh, for real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the movie came out first. Deep Throat was W. Mark Felt, the number two official at the FBI during Watergate, who secretly provided key information to Washington Post reporter Bob Woodburn. So the FBI was involved in the break-in. The number two official at the FBI was the guy who was providing information under the name Deep Throat. So the FBI did it. They did the whole thing. Is that your phone? Yeah, I'm an old man, Joe. I'm an old man. It's the FBI. You said FBI too many times. Who's calling you when it's on Do Not Disturb? It might be the FBI. Spam risk? Should I answer? No. Why is it I don't understand You put it on I put it on to disturb I have no idea Joe I'm old They're hacking it I'm fucking I need They probably do That's a weird ring though It's an old man ring It's an odd choice Why is it? Why is it? I don't understand. You put it on do not disturb. I have no idea, Joe. I'm old. They're hacking it. I'm fucking, I need, they probably do. That's a weird ring though. It's an old man ring. It's an odd choice. Because my wife doesn't answer her fucking phone. So I turned her ring to that. So she changed my ring to that. We're two old fucking people. So then what's the fix? How do I trust anyone? You have to trust independent news, independent media that's not connected to any corporation. Because as soon as you're connected to a corporation, you're connected to advertisers. As soon as you connected to advertisers, a giant percentage of advertisers on television is pharmaceutical drug companies, major corporations. So you have things that you're not allowed to touch. That's why you never hear anything in all the news about vaccine injuries. You never, never hear about all these people that are having strokes, all these people that the rise in heart attacks, the rise in myocarditis, particularly amongst young people, blood clots. That's what we were talking about. I got vaxxed like four times. boosters from W. Johnson, Johnson, Johnson. And that's the first thing they say when they start looking at blood cuts. They're like, did you get vaccinated? And I was like, yeah, four times. Even doctors are like, you didn't need to do it four times. Yeah, well, I don't know why you did that. Because you had to get into a goddamn concert. Yeah, but you didn't have to have four of them to get into a concert. The first one was real early. Like, I got it when you were getting canceled for getting it. They're like, just Mexican people. And I just went in with a mask on like, hola. and got a fucking shot in East LA because I had to go shoot a movie. Oh, wow. They're like, do not show your fucking face. And I was like, I won't, I won't. Why not show your face? Because it was like, it was back when it was like, it was just, what was it, not needy workers. What is it called? Remember the first round of- Support workers? It was like people you need in the country, you know? Right. Essential workers? Yeah. And then I was shooting a movie, so they got me a pass to get a- Oh, so you got it when you weren't supposed to get it. Yeah, way early. Way early. Interesting. And then I got it. I had to get it again in Serbia. For a movie? Yeah, and that's when. They made you get it again? Again. Yeah. And then I got it when I came home, and then I got it one more time. Moe Amer told me he had to do it. He had to get boosted before they let him do his Netflix series. Yeah, that makes sense. Doesn't even make sense. Why? Meanwhile, he'd had COVID. He'd recovered. He had COVID when we were all doing those concerts, when me and Chappelle and him and a bunch of other guys were doing those pandemic concerts He got COVID So there was no reason for him to get boosted I got boosted four times i got covid 11 times god like what i mean it like fucking so crazy it crazy i wouldn i had covid when i was shooting free bird jeez i gave it to a bunch of people they were like you gotta cough and i was like ah it's fine do you want to get tested i was like no i'm not getting tested it's like my wife has to be wearing a condom i was like we're good guys and uh and then I gave it to one of the dudes, I think. And the dude was wearing a mask. He was the only one that got it. Shout out to my buddy. Well, he probably had gotten boosted a bunch of times. I should tell everyone to watch Freebird on Netflix. I should say that. But keep going. Can I tell you something I'm obsessed with? And I've been dying to talk to you about? So, like, I watched the—I've been watching a lot of UFC lately. And I want your perspective because I'm thinking of this globally. Like Jordan, they compare Jordan and LeBron James, right? Right. And they compare Tom Brady to Joe Montana. And the big argument they always say is, well, you know, Tom Brady couldn't play in the league Joe Montana played in because the rules were different. They got fucked up left and right, right? Okay. And like they were concussions and there was no roughing the passer. You could hit the quarterback late, all that shit. Right. Well, what about UFC? Because like how would say, and I don't mean slanderous, I'm just curious. Okay. Someone like Tank Abbott or Dan Severinsen or Hoyce Gracie, how would they fare against, say, the fighters that are fighting today? Well, it really all depends on whether or not they're—I think Tank Abbott would do really well. I think Tank Abbott would do really well because the heavyweight division is the most shallow division. Like, would he do really well against the guys like Cyril Ghosn or Tom Aspinall? Probably not. But he didn't do really well against guys like Maury Smith. You know, the real elite strikers of the day. But Tank Abbott was a fucking huge man. I mean, he was an enormous, powerful guy who had ridiculous knockout power, and he would brawl. And anybody who brawled, like, look at Derrick Lewis. Derrick Lewis has the most knockouts in the history of the UFC. And he's not, like, the most highly skilled guy in the sport. He's just a really big, powerful guy who has unbelievable knockout power. And he's still relatively successful even today. I mean, he has the most knockouts in the history of the heavyweight division. But Tank Abbott would still fuck a lot of people up in the lower ranks of the heavyweight division Dan Severin would still take a lot of people down and beat their asses because he was an elite wrestler Like those kind of skills Mark Coleman would take a lot of people down and beat their asses those skills That they have like the elite wrestlers and the really powerful punchers They would always do well Hoyes Gracie If first of all if he was fighting in the UFC he would be fighting without a gi so that would be different right so he relied on the gi a lot because he would get a hold of guys and they would grab the gi like instinctively and he'd be like great like that's part that's what he wanted and then and then once it went to the ground i mean it was like a man and a child like his jujitsu was so good and for the time no one even knew jujitsu so he was a black belt against white belts and he was just tapping out everybody nobody had a chance In this day and age, that's just not the case anymore. Hoist Gracie still, if he was alive today, or not if he was alive today, of course he's alive today. If he was competing today, if he was a young man competing today, he would still give hell to a lot of people in an appropriate weight class if it went to the ground because his jiu-jitsu is so good. His striking was always a means to an end. His striking, he would go at a distance, he would kick at your legs, but his whole thing was about closing the distance, getting you to the ground, strangling you, getting you in an arm bar, tapping you out a triangle, jiu-jitsu. So he was a pure jiu-jitsu fighter. And if it went to the ground today, he would still give real problems to a lot of fighters because he was that good. He was that good on the ground. And today, with the difference in training partners, he'd be even better. Yeah. I'm reading this book by Wright Thompson. You know that dude? He wrote Pappyland? No. But he's talking about Jordan in this book and how at 50, Jordan had a hard time going to the next phase of his life. He still was like, what if I put him on? What if I put – I want to go – Right. Of course. He's a champion. It happens with fighters too. Oh, yeah. I mean, you go back to Shannon Sharpe and he's doing better now financially than he ever did. But I bet he traded all his – Yeah, it's the glory of sport. It's like there's nothing else like those highs. Those high, especially for a fighter, when you're like Justin Gaethje this weekend, who beat Paddy Pimblett. Oh my God. Crazy fight. That guy, when it was over, the happiness that he had, the smile on his face, he was so, he was just in a high like nothing else in life It hard for those guys to put that away It hard for those guys to let that go And their identity is completely wrapped around the fact that they an elite fighter How did you not have your identity about your career Because I know you pretty well, and you never really – like it's tough to disconnect your identity to your career or your dreams or your hopes, which I think fighters, it's easy to understand. Athletes, it's easy to understand. But I think it happens with comedians and actors and even podcasters to say, how did you not do that? Well, I don't know. I recognize the pitfalls in it. But I also recognize that at the end of the day, you're just a human being. And I think I've said this a million times and I'm sorry I have to repeat it. But I think brutal workouts are what center me. It's the one thing that centers me more than anything in life. Because I do to myself, I humble myself all the time. Like I break myself. I break myself down all the time so that like when life comes or like all that other stuff seems like something I do. It's fun. It's great. But I'm just me. I'm just a human being. I'm me in the 10th round when I want to quit. And the bell goes off and I know I have to hit the bag for three more minutes. You know, like I know who I am. Like I don't need my career to tell me who I am. And I have enough fuck you money that I could just sail off into the sunset. Bye bye. Do you think you will? No. No. No. I like this. Yeah. It's fun. I thought about it. I've thought about a bunch of things, doing different things. If I had multiple lives, I would live a bunch of different lives. Oh, tell me about one. I'd be a professional pool player. That's what I would like to do. Yeah. I'd like to go on a tour, play professional pool. If I just had like a year to really practice, I think I could do it. It's just there's no way. There's no money. There's no time. There's nothing. So I just have to like keep that one in my head as a hobby and make sure I don't get too addicted to it. You know, my problem is I get addicted to things and then I just like obsess on them. And then the weird part of my brain that focuses obsessively on things, it would just overcome all the rest of my life. And it would just be this one thing that I think of. I allow that in bursts. Like I allow that like when I was getting ready for my comedy special, my live special, that was my whole life. I didn't think about anything else other than doing that set. Like when I go hunting, I don't think about anything else other than getting in shape, shooting perfect arrows, getting ready to hunt. I allow myself these brief moments of obsession, but I have to be careful. I have to be careful with my brain. Your brain's fascinating. to hunt. I allow to hunt. I allow myself these brief moments of obsession, but I have to be careful. I have to be careful with my brain. Your brain's fascinating. I wish I listened to you more. Like, when we were younger, you said stuff that I just was like, that's not right. Like what? It might not be right for you. No, no, no. I wish I had. I remember one time you were like, you're working too hard. Your focus should be less famous. And I was like, what are you talking about? And now I'm there. I'm like, oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. That's why I took the Spotify deal. I was hoping I would be like 10% less famous. That was my idea. I was like, good. Less people watch Spotify. Less people listen. How many people are going to go over there? Like Jamie kind of freaked out at the beginning because we lost half of our audience like right away. He's like, we lost half the crowd. Like, so what? Who cares? Good. I'll be less famous. I don't want to be. I wanted to be famous so bad. Well, it's because you weren't. Yeah. Right? And so I already was. So I kind of had a perspective like this isn't what everybody thinks it is. It's just weird, you know, like the glory of it It's all fake like the the people that love you They don't even know you like it's kind of crazy like the people that love you should be the people that know you You know, that's a good thing if the people that know you hate you but the rest of the world loves you Then you're in an Ellen position, right? You're in this weird position where you're a fake person Yeah, where everybody thinks you're one thing, but you're actually another thing So the people around you don't like you. And then when the water breaks and everybody starts talking, all the staff start talking shit about you and you realize like, oh, she was a monster. So I think I had the benefit of having some fame to realize like, oh, this is not. Also, I think about things a lot. I don't just accept things for what they are. Something's happening. I'm like, OK, but what is this really? What is this really? You did listen a little because I remember the one time I called you when you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. And I was like, bro, you got to quit that job. And you're like, what? And I was like, you're a funny comic, man. You're a funny dude. You're great on podcasts. You don't need to do this. The world's changed. This is holding you back. Thank God. Thank God. I always say, thank God I had the right people in my life at the right times. Because there's so much about it. I'll tell you, with the blood clot thing, they said, every time I got sober, it was always to just prove I could get sober for a month. And just be like I take a break get healthy Get go blood work I back at it This is the first time I ever looked at it like I never looked at how often I was disrespectful to my health Like how often I was like, like get in the airport and be like drinking at six in the morning. Like, fuck it. You know? And then I go, and now that I'm flying, I'm forced to fly sober. I get in the airport and I go, I'll have egg whites. Egg whites. You need the yolk. No, you can't have too much iron when you're on blood thinners. Oh God. This whole fucking thing's a nightmare. But they said sober for six months and then I and then I had a really interesting conversation with my trainer and with Leanne Over this conversation and they were like, you know It's so funny is they don't see my lifestyles party and everything is disrespectful To my health because I work out because I get blood work because I'm sober for me on they were saying It's disrespectful to people that don't they just say online and scroll and don't live their life That's was disrespectful. Well, how so like if you if you're just like You come home and you lock into video games and you don't go out and you don't really connect with people. And then you wake up and you scroll for three hours and then you light a cigarette and you go to work and you come home and you play video games. You're not living your life. And they're like, Leanne was saying the other day, she was like, you know, don't look like get excited to start drinking again, but make sure that you can measure that. You know, get excited to start drinking again is a wild thing to say. Oh, I mean, I'm looking forward. But how is it disrespectful to people that are watching you? No, no, no, no, no. I meant, you know, people that aren't living. Like people that are leaving comments and like shitting on girls, skateboarding, going, you should wear a bra, whore. Like guys that aren't living their life and not spending their time out with family and living their life. So what's disrespectful to them? I'm lost. You said it's disrespectful to them? No, no, they're disrespecting their own life by not living. Okay. By not getting in the gym, not going out, not going and having dinner with your wife. So how is your life, you disrespecting your health, doing anything to them? No, no. I think I was just two parallels. Like I was looking at health thinking in hindsight like how many times I just, you know, burned the candle at both ends. Didn't think like how fragile life actually is. Oh, yeah. Well, you're very durable, unfortunately. That's part of the problem is you were able to do that and show no bad health markers. Like you were drinking all the time. You got your blood work done. Your liver's fine. You're like, look at this. It's great. Like you were, I remember you were super nervous like when you first started getting blood work. But then you're like, it turns out it's fine. Yeah. Yeah you have great genetics you know But you think I think now I go man I like my grandfather died at 53 and i 53 and then you start seeing people die and you like shit man yeah like this blood class scared the fuck out of me because people die from this they die from it it's not yeah it's no joke and then you're like well fuck that was just me flying did they make you do a d-dimer test no so a d-dimer test is when they test your body for clots for micro clots so apparently a lot of people that have got a ton of boosters, they have microclots. And this is one of the things, there was a Canadian doctor that was one of the first guys to get canceled for saying that the vaccine was causing clots because he was one of the first guys that was doing a D-dimer test on all of his patients. And he found out that his vaccinated patients, the vast majority of them were having these microclots all throughout their system. And it was being caused, in his opinion, by the vaccine. And boy, eventually his business wound up getting burned to the ground. He got, he lost his medical license. He lost his practice. It was a crazy story. And he was right. He was right. And now it's pretty mainstream, like that discussion of it. And, you know, even doctors who used to prescribe boosters don't prescribe them anymore, which is kind of crazy. Oh yeah. At what point in time, like the people that are, that used to say, you need to get your booster. Well, how come you're not getting boosters anymore? COVID's still around. Those people aren't getting boosters. No one's getting boosters anymore. None of those people are. Are they saying that we have a higher antibody rate now? Like why is COVID not as dangerous today as it was then? Well, the thing that happens with viruses is they become less potent but more transmissible. And becoming more transmissible allows the virus to spread. And being less potent means it doesn't kill the host. So it's actually better for the virus to be more transmissible but less potent. And that generally happens in time when people develop antibodies and people develop, you know, like a resistance to it. So what happens is the virus just becomes easier to transmit but less potent. Wow. Yeah. That's why the variants over time got less and less. Like the Delta variant was actually pretty strong. But after that, they started dropping off. And then Omicron, which is pretty nothing. and then they stopped naming them because it really wasn't just a couple variants. There's hundreds of them. They don't even know how many. And a lot of it is because they vaccinated during a pandemic And one of the things that virologists throughout history were always saying is you never vaccinate during a pandemic because when you vaccinate during a pandemic, you actually encourage variants. Because the vaccine realizes, especially when you have a leaky vaccine like COVID. So what a leaky vaccine is a vaccine that doesn't stop transmission and doesn't stop infection. What it does is it gives you some protection through antibodies. But that allows you to get the cold and then the cold realizes, oh, this guy's got these antibodies. We'll just work around that. And then people who had antibodies to the original wild virus, once they got vaccinated, this variant would see that they were or wouldn't see, but it would have a different pathway because their original immunity was to the wild virus. The original antibodies were to the first virus that doesn't even exist anymore. So your body didn't recognize these new variants. So people get COVID even more easily. I know I butchered that of your virologist. But there's a guy named Geert van der Bosch. And he is a vaccine specialist. He's a virologist. And he specializes in vaccines. And he was one of the early people saying this is madness. This goes against conventional thinking. you do not vaccinate during a pandemic. Jesus. I'll tell you what, I've had COVID a bunch. Nothing was like the swine flu. Yeah, you told me that. Remember in 2009, right? Dude. You got it bad. I thought I was going to die. I've never been that sick in my life. Shallow breathing. I mean, it was, and I had to fly to Mexico because I was doing a gig. And I was like, I got on the plane. I always drank on planes, had two drinks. And I was like, I'm at death's door. and I fucking, to this day, I've never been that sick in my life, and I don't know how it didn't kill me. You never drink when you're sick. Oh, no shit. It is the worst. It's so bad for your immune system to drink when you're sick because you just give your immune system this new thing to fight while it's already involved in a fight. I got on the plane with Leanne. We were flying to Mexico, and I was like, I'm not that bad. I remember being cold. I remember it hit me like a ton of bricks that night. I was like, I'm getting fucking sick immediately. Like, it was like, bam. Back then you weren't even taking vitamins. No, I wasn't doing anything. Yeah, that's the problem. And this is the other thing that the big problem that I have immediately. Like it was like, bam. Back then you weren't even taking vitamins. immediately. Like it was like, bam. Back then you weren't even taking vitamins. No, I wasn't doing anything. Yeah. That's the problem. And this is the other thing that the big problem that I had during the COVID thing is like, I knew people were getting over COVID. It wasn't killing everybody. And they were making out like everybody was going to get it, was going to die. Everybody unvaccinated was going to die. But I knew people that got it and weren't the healthiest people and they were fine. So I'm like, well, what the hell's going on? Like, what is it and how come nobody's talking about vitamins nobody's talking about the impact that vitamins have on your immune system which is well documented and then if you brought it up you're a conspiracy theorist you're a crazy person but everyone listen because you brought up i'll never forget the day you brought up vitamin d yeah and i went to rite aid that day to get vitamin d and it was gone i mean the fuck it was like it had been looted there was no vitamin d to be found And it was like I think was like d3 or something and three and k2 and they were two of them gone and I was with Magnesium is the move d3 k2 and magnesium Altogether do you know so funny I have rosacea on my cheeks Because I just got it is you get it when you're older sometimes and the cures ivermectin That's hilarious. They were like you should get on ivermectin. I was like I said you mean horse tranquilizer horse paste horse paste Yeah. Horse dewormer. Yeah. Like what CNN called it. But it's so great. It was the first thing. They're like, have you ever heard of ivermectin? And I was like, I'm friends with Joe Rogan. Are you kidding me? Don't put me on CNN. They'll make me purple. Yeah. Well, the crazy thing about that CNN thing is I mentioned a bunch of other things that I took. All of them were very effective. There wasn't one thing that I mentioned. I mentioned IV vitamins. And I took IV NAD, IV vitamins. And then the big one was monoclonal antibodies. And monoclonal antibodies, they made it really hard for people to get after that because people were just saying, oh, I just need to get monoclonal antibodies and I'm better. Bro, I shipped monoclonal. We were using a telemedicine nurse and it was a part of a nationwide service that you could send people a nurse and they would go deliver monoclonal antibodies and IV vitamins. And the monoclonal, the IV vitamins thing, it always existed, but the monoclonal antibodies, they added to it once COVID came. And I can tell you how many people that I sent nurses to people that I didn even know people that were friends of friends my mom friend And I would say give me the address tell me who they are and I send it to them. And I paid for all of it. And I did it to like at least a hundred people, no bullshit, at least a hundred people. Yeah. Actors who are like, like super liberal. I didn't out any of them. They would send me a DM. Hey man, I got COVID. What should I do? And I said, where are you? Tell me where you, where you live. I'm going to have someone sent to you. And I'd just send someone to them. And then they'd come back and thank me. Very few of them ever thanked me publicly. But a lot of them got the service. And a lot of people that weren't famous people, just like my friend's mom or my mom or my uncle or my cousin, someone got COVID. They're doing really bad. I'm like, tell me where they are. And I did it. I'm not lying. I did it to like 100 people. I spent a lot of money doing it. How much would something like that cost? Thousands of dollars. For real? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I did it for people I didn't know. I did it for people I had never met. I did it for people that were famous that I never met. I just said it was easier to me for just to send them to them. Leanne was the first person to get COVID in our house. And I had a joke. I used to have a joke about it. She had COVID and she gave me a handjob and I didn't get it. I was like, that's how intimate our handjobs are. That's hilarious. And she got it. And I remember doing, I remember I called you and you were like, get her the NAD. You gave me the whole fucking list. And we got it. She got over it right away. We ended up right away. And we're like, cool, we can go skiing. No, no, no. And then we all got it. You're not ready yet. You can't think you're done. Georgia gave it to me and she goes, I remember we were at the, Georgia gave it to me and I remember we were sitting at the dinner table that night at our ski place. And she was like, started crying. I go, baby, don't cry. It's fine. Listen, it's totally fine. She was like, you're high risk. you gotta think of it as like it's over the bad part's over but now your body's in recovery so you can't go skiing or do anything crazy I remember skiing that first day with COVID thinking you know it's just me the mountain was empty I was like it's just me I don't really have it I'm fine I tested negative I remember I tested negative I was like I'm just hungover from last night and when I got down I tested again and I tested positive and I already had my tour bus come and grab Georgia and Leanne and drive them back to LA. So it's me and Isla. Isla was like. I only got it because I stayed up late one night drinking and playing pool till like five o in the morning with my friend John Shoman I remember you telling me that You like it more you said you were more run down That why you got it Yeah I was exhausted with my friend John Shulman I remember you telling me that You said you were more run down That why you got it I was exhausted because my friend John Shulman shout out to John he makes pool cues like awesome pool cues. And he lives in Florida. And I talked to him back and forth online, but I never hung out with him. And then I made an appointment to meet him at a pool hall. And we met at this pool hall. And we played pool until like 5 o'clock in the morning, laughing, having a good time. And then I got back to the hotel. I was like really tired. I was like, boy, I fucked up. I went so hard. Like we were out and I had a bunch of margaritas and it was late, you know, it was late at night. And then in the morning I just felt like shit. I took a hot bath. I felt like shit. I had a gig that night. I did a gig that night. I did an arena with Tony Hinchcliffe and Laura Bites. We did an arena in Florida and then I flew back home and on the way home I was cold. I was like, God, why am I so cold? Is this airplane cold? And then I, when I got home, I told my wife, I'm like, I'm not feeling good. I go, I might have COVID. but maybe you should sleep in another room. Because she had gotten COVID and gotten over it. Which, by the way, when she had it, I fucked her. I didn't even think about it. I was like, I'm trying to get it. I never got it. My whole family got it. But I've always been the one who's like, always cold plunging, always sauna, always vitamins, always working out. She works out too, but it's like, she got it. And my kids got it. And I was home. I hugged them like, Daddy, you're going to get it. I'm like, I'm not getting shit. I never got it. I had two days when I worked out where I didn't feel that good. so when I worked out I just took it light I just went through the routine like nice and easy not pushing myself and then the next day still don't feel that good nice and easy don't put and then the third day I'm like I feel pretty fucking good and I went pretty hard and I feel great and it was done I never got COVID and then that one time I got it and then I didn't get it that bad the one day I felt like shit I got all the meds and then you know a couple days later I made that video and I put that video up but That was honest. It was like, I got COVID. I got all this medicine. I feel better now. They didn't like the idea that this healthy person was saying you could get over this. And also a healthy person that's in their 50s was saying you can get over this and you don't need this radical experimental medicine that they're trying to push on people. And so that's just another example of the mainstream media that's not there for the news. Because if they really were there to inform people, they would say, well, what did he do? What's different about him? Because they fucking compromised They all compromised by the people that pay their advertising budget The amount of money that pharmaceutical drug companies spend on mainstream media is fucking preposterous And they don do it because they trying to convince people to sell drugs They do it specifically because they don't want those media organizations to criticize any vaccines or any pharmaceutical drugs. You never hear them talking about – there's no mainstream big media stories about side effects of some sort of new medication. And if there is, it's because that company is probably about to go under and a new company is asking them to talk about it. It makes me – I mean I've always said and people think I'm a fucking idiot, but I don't trust sleep apnea machines. Well, sleep apnea machines work. I know, but I think they over-diagnose sleep apnea machines because there's a kickback. There's got to be a kickback. Well, there probably is. There's a – you know, look, sleep apnea is a real thing and it's really fucking dangerous. But is it as – I mean – People die. Everyone's got it. Well, not everyone has it. A lot of people snore, but there's ways around. There's mouthpieces you can use to keep your tongue from closing your windpipe. You know what I do? I put a mouthpiece in, and then I use mouth tape. I've been using mouth tape. You know, like, you know, a hostage tape? Yeah. Yeah, I use that stuff. I put it over my mouth, and I sleep, and I breathe through my nose. And I feel so much better when I wake up. I mean, significantly better with less sleep. like if I have five hours sleep with hostage shape I feel better than if I have eight hours sleep without it really a hundred percent see I feel different I don't know why I'm sure okay let's find out what is the science behind breathing through your nose while you sleep while why is it better like what is the science behind it I don't know what the science is but I know that a bunch of health experts they they recommended it to me I was like tape my mouth shut that sounds so stupid. I did it. And then the first night I did it, I woke up and I'm like, whoa, I feel great. Like I feel significantly better. And now I do it every night. So I put a mouthpiece in and then I put the hostage tape over my mouth. So the mouthpiece just holds your tongue in place? Exactly. Cause I have a big tongue. I have a big tongue and I have a big neck. The problem is when you have big neck muscles, all like football players, a lot of them, Most of them have sleep apnea because all those those muscles they constrict the wall the walls of your your throat So like there's all this tissue it didn't exist before and then you have this fat tongue So I can't sleep on my back my sleep on my back That's me. Yeah Okay, breathing through the nose during sleep offers key health advantages this before. And then you have this fat tongue. So I can't sleep on my back. If I sleep on my this before. And then you have this fat tongue. So I can't sleep on my back. If I sleep on my back, it's like... That's me. Yeah. Okay. Breathing through the nose during sleep offers key health advantages over mouth breathing. It filters and conditions air for better lung efficiency and promotes deeper rest. Nasal passages filter dust, allergens, and pollutants while warming and humidifying air, protecting the airwaves from irritation. This reduces dryness in the mouth and throat common with mouth breathing. I got that. I wake up, my mouth's so dry, my tongue's like a finger. Reduce snoring and sleep apnea risk. Nose breathing keeps the tongue positioned correctly against the palate and jaw forward, maintaining an open airway that minimizes snoring and sleep apnea episodes. Mouth breathing allows the tongue to fall back, obstructing airflow, which definitely happens to me. Improved oxygenation and relaxation. It boosts nitric oxide production for better oxygen uptake and blood flow, supporting deeper sleep cycles and parasympathetic nervous system activation for relaxation. This leads to fewer awakenings and higher sleep quality. Look, for me, I know for a fact it helps. For a fact. For my personal feeling, when I wake up in the morning and I take my mouth shut, I feel way better. Really? Yeah, like way better. I snore like crazy, but I don't notice it. The only problem is you have a beard. So the tape like will slip off with a beard, you know, maybe I'll just get denture cream and put it on my lips You ever do that? We should do that people when they were sleeping squeeze your lips together without well, how do you open them then? Oh, you can't know when people would pass out how do you house we put denture cream on their lips? Oh, and then they wake up like no Fucking terrible. That's terrible. So I'm still kind of stuck. I'm still stuck on this concept that With corporate money we lose Not as much freedom of speech or freedom of opinion. Well, you lose objective reality from people that are supposed to be giving you information. Right. So they're not giving you reality. What they're giving you is a filtered narrative that has been promoted by major corporations that have a vested interest in profiting off of this narrative being pushed forward. Like if you don't get the vaccine, you're going to die. Right. Yeah. That was a big one. And that was why they attacked me. Why they attacked me was because, like, I showed that there's something different. Like oh look at this healthy guy who in his 50s that really obsessed with health works out every day and look how quick he got over COVID This isn this thing that we pretending it is We pretending it a plague and it not It's like a bad flu. And again, for me, it was like, and look, I've done this, like I said, I did it for a lot of people, but just IV vitamins I've sent people to be. I did it for Bill Burr. Bill Burr was here, and he was sick, and he was coughing. And this is like long after the pandemic. It's like 2024. and he was doing a show and I came to visit him. He's like, I can't get over this cold. I go, listen to me. I go, I'm going to give you this number. I'm going to give you these people. You're going to get ahold of them and schedule an IV mega dose vitamin drip. You want high doses of vitamin B. You want high doses of D. You want high doses of C and zinc. You want all those things together and I guarantee you, you're going to be fine. So he was sick for weeks. He couldn't get over this fucking cough. He calls me like a day later. He goes, dude, I can't fucking believe how good I feel. He goes, Dr. Joe Rogan, I'm calling you every time I have a problem with this again. And look, I did the same thing for Dana White. When Dana White had COVID, he threw some eucalyptus on the rocks in his sauna and he couldn't smell it. And he goes, oh, my God, I got COVID. He goes, the first thing I did is call Joe Rogan. He called me up and I said, I'll set you up. We're going to get you monoclonal antibodies. We're going to get you this. We're going to get you that. Boom. One day later, he's better. That's the reality. It's like your body needs tools to let your immune system function at its optimum. And one of the best tools is nutrients. Vitamin D is amazing for your immune system. And it's not just a vitamin. It's a hormone. And it's a hormone that we don't get because we're not in the sun enough. The best way to get vitamin D is sunlight. The second best way is supplementation. And it's really easy. He just takes vitamin D supplements. I take it with K2, which makes it absorb better. And I take it also, again, with magnesium and do that. And I also took zinc with, what is this called? It's an ionophore, quercetin. So I take zinc with quercetin. Quercetin aids in the zinc absorption in your body. I take all these different things. But I also, I'm like, I'm on the ball. I know what I'm doing. But they didn't say that. They said he's taking horse dewormer because they were trying to shame me and they were trying to make it look like I was a fool. And they were trying to turn all these people that were terrified about dying from this plague against me Is that what happening I mean I a little obsessed lately you know at like the money behind podcasting and podcasting kind of changing You know, like podcasting has gotten a little more corporate where I feel. I don't know if you see it. In what way? Well, it's like, I mean, I looked at the Golden Globes and who was nominated. And those were all, I mean, I think they're all, you know, corporate podcasts. Yeah, let me help with that. So here's the thing. A lot of people say, why wasn't Joe Rogan nominated for the Golden Globes? And like, why did Amy Poehler win? I didn't submit. So they asked me to submit to be nominated for the Golden Globes, and you had to pay $500. And the $500 is like for paperwork or whatever. I said, no. I go, I don't care. I already won. Like, you can't tell me I didn't win. I've been number one for six years in a row. All of a sudden you're going to have a contest in front of all these people wearing tuxedos and you're going to say now I'm not number one. Like, fuck off. Yeah. You can't. Like, I don't care that I'm number one, but I am in fact number one. So if all of a sudden you have a contest to decide who's really number one amongst us, like that's amongst you. You're allowed to have your opinion. You like Amy Poehler better than me. That's great. Oh, that's so fucking funny, Joe. Do you know how many people have been like ride or die for you? Like the fact that Joe Rogan didn't win, the fact that, and I've heard that so much that it's so funny. You just didn't submit. Yeah. They asked me to. Yeah. I was like one of like six candidates. They took the top people. They basically just took the top people, the charts, but which, you know, it's fine. First of all, Amy Poehler's podcast is pretty good. I haven't seen it. It's pretty good. I'm sure it's good. It won. I'm sure someone must love it. It's really good. They would give it to someone else, right? Dax is really good. Like there's some great podcasts. I don't even know who was even nominated. I don't even know who was in. I just know that Amy Poehler won and a lot of people were upset. She's had a podcast for six months and she won. Great. You gave it to a famous person, which, you know, in that world, that's what they do. They give it to a person that like is going to look, you give it to Amy Poehler amongst their circles. It's not going to have any criticism. There's a lot of really good fucking podcasts. There's some great ones. I don't know if amongst her group, if I listened to all of them, I would decide that hers is number one. But I just know that I didn't submit. I don't want to be a part of that. I don't care. You just a group of people that just decide all of a sudden that you going to give an award out You got a I Fuck off Dude This okay So when we did the show and everyone's like, are you looking for a season two? And obviously that'd be great, but you know what I said to Leanne the day after it came out? I said, I think I already won. I think I got everything I wanted. I did something I'm proud of, and people responding to it, people like, the texts I get are people that will never promote it on their social media. Ron loves it. Ron. Loved it. When Ron came in last night, and the first thing he said to me was, I watched your show. I watched every fucking episode. Yeah, he binged it. He binged it with his girlfriend. I was like, Joe, you know how I feel about Ron. I'll get emotional. He's like my guy. And Ron's not a bullshit artist. He's not. If Ron loved it, he loved it. And he came in and he was ranting and raving about it. That's all you need. Just do your best. Yeah. All these awards and all this shit. Awards for art are crazy. It's insane because it's not, it shouldn't be a competition. Well, it's also so subjective. There is music that like my daughter loves. It is her favorite music, but she's a 15 year old girl. I can't say it sucks because it doesn't suck. It's just not for me. You know what I mean? It's like, that's why awards for art are crazy. Like this is the best. Like to who? To a group of fucking people that we deem the gatekeepers of all that's appropriate. So when did you come – because I'm always fascinated by you. Did you care about ratings when you were on news radio? Oh, no. Well, the news radio thing was hilarious. Because that's one that I can say for people that haven't watched it, I would say binge that show. It was such an amazing piece of art, we would say. But always, and respectfully, always in the losing category. Like never – Always in the losing category. My friend Lou, he was one of the writers on news radio, and he would show up for the table read with a T-shirt that had the number of our rating on it. And one day he showed up and the number was 88. And I was like, 88? He's like, I'm like, fuck. I was like, God, because we got moved nine times over the course of five years. Like I remember like one of the things that just like social media poisons people back then it was Variety and The Hollywood Reporter So all of the cast would be sitting around reading Variety about how good Sex and the City was doing and The Single Guy. So all of the cast would be sitting around reading Variety about how good Sex and the City was doing and The Single Guy. Because they would sandwich them in between Friends and Seinfeld. And Paul Sims, the producer of NewsRadio, would call it a shit sandwich because you would have these two really good shows in between these shows that were not that good. They would call it Caroline and the Shitty. Everybody was upset. And so they would read these things in Variety. They'd look at the ratings and they'd get all upset and start getting pissed off. And that show sucks. Why is that show doing so well? Why aren't we on Thursday night? And I remember saying, last time I checked, I'm on TV. I go, do you know we're on a TV show? Do you know how few people get to be on a sitcom? Yeah, we're not number one. Well, good. Then no one knows who we are and we get to be on TV and we get to have fun. And some people enjoy it. We're making so much money. Like, how can you be upset? We could not be on TV. Like, yeah, we're not number one. Yeah, we have a really good show that's not being recognized. It eventually was recognized when it went to syndication. So news radio really only got popular in syndication. Oh, when it was on A&E, buddy, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a TV show. Out of every TV show I've ever watched, and I was late to Friends. Look, it was no Game of Thrones or even Queen of Dragons or whatever the fuck, the other one, House of Dragons. Yeah. That's a pretty good show too. But when I discovered news radio, I was like, you guys had every character. Like, it was not just one character. It was five different. Are we back? Yeah. We're back. We've been having this problem where we crash like a couple hours into a podcast. But it was such, it was five personalities, six personalities all working in union at different speeds. It was really good writing. It was such a fucking great show. Paul Sims came from the Larry Sanders show, so he was really good, you know, and he was just a brilliant guy. And the writers were amazing and the cast was amazing. But it was the perfect scenario. So we went through it without everyone getting famous. We put together a great show and then we fucking sailed off into the sunset. It was perfect for me, because I never wanted to do it again once it was over. For real? Yeah. I mean, I took a few development deals afterwards just because I wanted the money, and I thought maybe I'll make my own show and it'll be good, but ugh. Working with these writers and like, some of these writing teams it was really interesting Writing teams are generally one brilliant guy and then the other guy who writes things down And then they both get deals And then I would wind up with the guy who wrote things down. So I got one of these writers who was a writing team on Seinfeld and the team broke up and then I got this guy and he wrote this fucking script that was so bad. It was so bad. I couldn't believe how bad it was. I was like, and then they were trying to pretend they're excited about it. I go, did you read it? This is fucking terrible because the problem was I had come from news radio, which was a really good show. And most of these shows are terrible. And most of the guys that I knew that were doing terrible sitcoms were living in hell because they were doing these like corny ass. And all they wanted to do is like figure out a way to make themselves feel better. So they spend money or they party. And that's what they were doing. They were all just partying and spending money and not enjoying their work. Their work was terrible it was hell so i kind of realized early on that this trap of like chasing the number one ratings and all that shit it was just stupid it was just nonsense and then you know fear factor was number one for a while i think i think it was it was hugely popular whatever it was and that was weird too it was like well that's that's also strange now people want to talk about it and everybody it was just like this thing that was everywhere it was very strange this is how you can tell how big a show is tell me if i'm wrong i can remember what night it aired on monday nights uh fear factor was it monday nights i don't remember i think it was monday i don't remember i remember the fresh prince of bel-air was monday nights i remember seinfeld was thursdays right yeah that's the thing about about uh tv now which is so bizarre is like when when i pitch this show i have you seen slow horses yes i love it so when I love it. When I went to Netflix, they were like, we want to do a show with you. I was like, great. And they're like, what's the show? I said, it's my family. It's I'm Bert Kreischer, George and Isla, Leanne. I'm a comedian. I'm me. Everything's the same. Nothing changes. I don't have a job. I'm this guy. And they're like, okay. I go, but it's Meet Slow Horses. And they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I said, all I can tell you is I don't want to do episodic. I want slow horses. I said, when I watch slow horses, and this is why Ron's compliment was so kind. Because I created the show so that me Jared and Andy I should explain slow horses slow horses is Gary Oldman It is a spy thriller They a group of of like low spies that all kind of got put into an office off to the side and but they don realize how important their office still is They still very ingrained in all the shit that the big office is doing but they're the B team. And so the big office is constantly fucking with the little office. So how is your show like Slow Horses? The day I watched Slow Horses, I watched Slow Horses the week before I went in for this meeting, and I watched the first episode of Slow Horses, and at the very end of that first episode, I hit pause. I looked at Leanne I said we're watching every fucking episode until it's over right now. We're not moving We're gonna watch all of them and I did that with that and black doves and I said to Netflix I said I want to make this where that first episode is not episodic the crisis get a horse the crisis get a dog It all goes together. I go the first episode at that last line I say the very last line of that first episode. I want you to look at the person you're with and go I'm watching all fucking six and And so it's an arc. It's a six story arc It's basically a two-hour and 30-minute movie that you can stop at any point. And the compliment I've been getting is the one Ron gave me. It's like I binged it. I watched all of it. That's great. That's a smart move for a comedy to do it like that. Like it's one big story. And that last – Black Doves is great too. Black Doves. Great. Black Doves. Black Doves. When we did the premiere in L.A., Netflix came up to me. Shout out to Netflix. and they were like, you know, when you pitched this, we had no idea what you were fucking selling us. Like when you said Black Doves and Slow Horses, like those were your comps. And then they were like, we watched that first episode and they're like, you fucking did it. Like you made a show where at that very end of that first episode, at that moment, and the very beginning of the second episode, I have a joke about you, but I thought I'd throw one in. You gave me a little love in your special. I'd give you a little love back. And so at the very end of that first episode, I wanted it so that you go, oh this guy's fucked I gotta see how he gets out of this and uh and that's the the compliment I've been getting from people is that they watched all of them they binged it and that's like I was like because you know you try to do something a little different and uh and that's why when you said that you didn't submit I fucking connected so hard because I was like I I didn't I don't need it to be it's not going to be the number one show on Netflix it's never going to be the greatest the show they ever made. There's too many good shows. But the fact that people have liked it, I go, I think I won. I think I got the thing I wanted. It was just like I gotta text I gotta share this and I apologize Luke if this sounds weird Luke Combs texted me last night Now he not a social media guy He just texted me He like dude I just watched your entire show Luke Combs. And I'm like- He's cool as fuck. He's cool- I've hung out with that dude a few times. As fuck, and he's understated. He's the guy. He's fascinating to me because he's the guy. We just did a podcast. He's the guy that he goes into the room, and he's not going to talk to anyone because he doesn't want to bother you. He's one of the biggest stars in country music. He's one of the most talented guys. humble and he's very humble and he's like i did the cmas and i saw him and he just he stays to himself he doesn't and i was like wow what a slick dude and he's like no i'm not trying to be slick i just don't want to bother anybody yeah and so when luke combs texted me last night i fucking i texted leanne i was like can you believe like that's not the guy you think right it's a real compliment not from like a cheesy ass kisser it's it's a real dude he really you know he's not lying right He really liked it. The first person to text was Chris DiStefano. And that's a real one. He's like, dude, you're a good actor. This is a great series. That was the very first text I got. And I was like, comics don't have to text. They don't. We don't. Like, I text the shame when I saw Tires because it was a game changer. I was like, this is fucking incredible, whatever. But when a comic texts you, you're like, that's okay. Like, I didn't expect you to watch it. But Luke Combs fucking floored me. Luke Clombs and Bradley Cooper was another one. ABC's David Muir, the most trusted anchor in America, the most watched anchor in America. Thank you for making World News Tonight with David Muir, the number one newscast in America. Most trusted, most watched. David Muir on ABC. That's awesome. Just do something that you enjoy and do your best at it. This idea of awards. Yeah. Like, fuck off. Fuck off with your awards. Like that it's like there's so many moments in history have been defined by these like goofy ass awards Yeah, like what what is that? The only thing is good. Is it like if something wins an Academy Award for Best Movie ago? Oh, maybe I'll see it like occasionally, but you know, what's better than that one of my friends saying it's great Do you know and or someone posting on social media like oh this fuck someone that I respect on social media posting it and saying Hey, you need to watch this is amazing. Great. Do you ever see the movie American movie? What is that? It's about the two guys in Wisconsin trying to make a horror film called coven God, I think I did a long time ago long time ago documentary and there one guy's done way too much acid. Yeah in Wisconsin trying to make a horror film in Wisconsin trying to make a horror film called Coven? God, I think I did. Is it a long time ago? Long time ago. Documentary, and one guy has done way too much acid. And it's just, it's like one of those movies where someone says to you, you have to see this. And it's never going to win an award. Probably made no money, but it is the most fascinating. Okay, Jamie, can you pull the trailer up for that? If you see this, you'll go, I saw it. It's the American movie, Mike, oh, what was the other Guys, this is so good, Joe. Imagine a world where passion and perseverance outweigh polish and dreams are both the driving force and the destination. What if I told you this world exists, not in some far-flung fantasy, but here in the heartland of America? This world is seen through the lens of an unsung documentary where we meet Mark Boshart, an appealing filmmaker from Wisconsin. That's okay. Have you seen it? No, I didn't see it. Joe, this movie is so good. But it's one of those things that it's like when you find something that you just fall in love with. Yeah. Like that you can't explain to someone. Like Vernon, Florida. Have you ever seen Vernon, Florida? No. It's a documentary by Werner Herzog about him and another guy. Another guy did it. He was trying to do a documentary called Nub City, right? It was about this place in Florida where a lot of people had lost limbs and were collecting insurance money. and he went in to do a documentary about that and he got his life threatened but he had all this footage so i think verner herzog came in and dumped a little money in it and he just made the bizarrest documentary about a guy talking about turkey hunting and another guy talking about like it's like four different personalities joe it's on youtube you can find verner herzog does some amazing shit. Amazing shit. This thing, Joe, is like something you start watching and you go like, I can't turn it off. I mean, he did Grizzly Man. He did fucking, what is that other one? The one about the cave paintings in France. He did... It was made by Errol Morris. Errol Morris. Oh, it wasn't Werner Herzog? No, no. I was trying to highlight on there. It says it's an Errol Morris film. Oh, so it's not Werner Herzog. No, Werner Herzog backed it. He was the one that paid for it. Oh, I see, I see. He produced it. He was also, Werner Herzog was a part of that movie Happy People you ever see that No what that Oh my God it about these people that live in Siberia These guys that live in a small village in Siberia and they just fishermen and trappers and hunters And they basically just live off the land and they so happy There's like no mental illness. Everybody works really hard. It's freezing cold at night. They're always drinking and everyone's happy. And it's called Happy People, Life in the Taiga. It's a great documentary. because it just shows you that without struggle, you will create struggle. And when you have struggle all the time, like physical struggle, people seem to be satisfied and happy, especially when they're living off the land, living like a subsistence lifestyle. They're out in the forest. They're catching fish. And it's a great documentary. It's really interesting. Did you feel it? Because I remember we went to a birthday party at your house and your wife introduced my girls and Leanne to chickens. And Leanne and the girls immediately got chickens. Chickens are awesome. The happiest my family was, out of all the times we've been happy, was when they had a garden and they were raising chickens. Yeah, it's good for you, man. And then that extra, like, did you guys clean out the chicken coop? You need to clean, like, that little. Yeah, work. Yeah. Work's good for you. Yeah, especially work that pays off. Like, you actually get eggs and you get to eat those eggs. Those eggs. And that's, like, the most karma-free food that you'll ever get because they're your pets. Like, you treat them well. You feed them. You're like, hey, girls. I see them. I talk to them. I lift rocks for them so they go under the rocks and pick out bugs and worms and shit. And they come near you. They like waddle over to you and you're like, you ready? You ready? And pick up the rock and they immediately go in there and try to get the worms and bugs and shit. And then you get these delicious, healthy eggs. Best eggs I've ever had in my entire life. Yellow. Yellow. Double. I remember getting orange. Do you remember double yolks? You get double yolks. Oh, fuck off. But you know exactly how they're raised. There's no cruelty involved. You know how they're fed. They lay an egg every day. That egg is never going to become a chicken. You never, like, that's what I tell to all my friends that are like vegetarians that are doing it for like, they're just kind people. They don't want an animal to die. I'm like, you don't have to kill an animal. Just eat eggs. Eggs have all the nutrients you need. Eat the yolk, eat the whole thing. And you'll be super healthy. Like you can get all the animal protein you need from eggs and you don't ever have to worry about an animal dying. So wait, do you think then when you talk about what was that happy city is happy people happy people? Do you think your connection then to crushing it in the gym and killing in the gym is directly connected to that to that struggle The happiest I ever am is the second my workout done and I lay back and I just sweat You did it. Yeah, you did it. Your body needs, I think in order for your body to survive, like when we were hunter-gatherers, you had to do a bunch of work. So I think there's human reward systems that are built in us that if you don't meet those requirements, your body gets anxious. And the most anxiety ridden, fucked up, mentally ill people I know are these lazy slobs that are online all day complaining about people, especially comics. I know so many comics that they spend a giant chunk of their day shitting on other comics and they're all fat and lazy. And what is that? Well, it's because they're not healthy. They're not mentally healthy, physically healthy. And so they're completely obsessed with other things, external things. You know, when we did that Sober October challenge, Tommy said it best because he was like, dude, when you work out, when we're all competing against each other to see who got the highest fitness scores, Tommy said it best. Like when you work out all day, it kills all that internal chatter. Like you don't worry about things anymore. All that, what about this? What about that? That what about this? What about that shit? Is your mind thinking there's threats out there in the world because there used to be because you're programmed to think about like what's out there what's coming for me where the is there a neighboring tribe that's coming over the top of the hill where am i going to get my food there's all that stuff's built in as a human reward system if you don't meet that human reward system you're just doom scrolling on tiktok and twitter all day and shitting on people like fuck whitney cummings and miss rachel was yeah They're just mentally ill slobs, all of them, and their opinion should be dismissed. That's why the idea of awards is so ridiculous. Who are these people that are giving you awards? They're all unhealthy people for the most part. They're all weirdos that are caught up in this fucking bizarre, strange industry that rewards groupthink. Like, fuck off. Yeah. That's probably the happiest my mind was, when we had the, the year we had the straps. Remember we had that? Oh yeah, yeah, the my. We were a member of that Kansas City workout club or something. Yeah, we had to be, yeah, the my zone. The my zone fitness straps, yeah. And I remember I mean you know like you have memories in your head where you like you drive by a place and you go I remember that And it was one night I said I was going to run a marathon And you're like, I'll match it. I remember we were all texting. And I remember getting up at like, it was like, put the girls to bed. It's 9 o'clock at night. And I go, I'm going to run until midnight. And I had just this one fucking mile loop. And I ran eight miles that night. And I just kept running. And I cannot run down fucking Colfax. I can't drive down Colfax without thinking of me just going, one more lap. Just one more lap. Those were fucking. Wearing yourself out is good for your brain, man. It's really good for your brain. I don't think we should do that again because the problem with that is that lit up that weird part of my brain, that obsessive part of my brain. And my wife asked me never to do that again. Because I was like super serious. I got like really into it. And it just became an obsession. Yeah. It's a dangerous part of my own brain that I can't entertain too much. Because I think that's the part of my brain that was formulated in my competition days, where it was like my thought was, you know, like I would go to the, because I had keys to the school. So I'd go and train at 2 o'clock in the morning because I knew nobody else was. I knew everybody else was asleep. So I'd go there. I'd drive there by myself and unlock the doors and start training at 2 o'clock in the morning because I knew everybody was asleep. that made me feel better like bitch while you're sleeping I'm in here where did you put that competitiveness because I shelved my competitiveness I don't have it in comedy I have a competitiveness with the industry that I felt ignored me at times like I want to prove things like I did fully loaded because I never got on oddball and so I created that festival I remember I was with we were at the Forest Hills arena or whatever the outdoor stadium someone's like wow this is crazy can you believe you did this and i went yeah and they're like what made you want to do this i go because no one would ever invite me and then they were like wow that was more of an answer than we expected but like and so there's a competitiveness with me internally but i was very competitive as an athlete like unhealthy and it was gross how was it gross like what sports anything anything i did well i think That's Michael Jordan right when you're talking about Michael Jordan He was the most health Michael Jordan and Kelly Slater the two ones Tiger Woods that I hear about and I identify with the way Their brain works where I go well When you're talking about Michael Jordan, he was the most unhealthy. When you're talking about Michael Jordan, he was the most unhealthy. Michael Jordan and Kelly Slater, the two ones, Tiger Woods, that I hear about and I identify with the way their brain works where I go, oh, I have that grossness where I create scenarios in my head to go, that's it. I'm going to fucking – I'd build up a rivalry with – I have a guy that I think about to this day who played baseball at Tampa Catholic. His name was Israel. And I had a competitive – the guy didn't even know who the fuck I am. He never knew me. He was a pitcher. and I apologize Israel if you're hearing this right now. We were 16 and I had a competitiveness in my head and my goal was to hit him, to hit a line drive right back and he was a pitcher and he threw inside and I crushed one off his kneecap and they pulled him out of the game and I stood on first base and I was like, that's how it goes. Israel's 53 years old right now. That was your drive? That was my fucking drive. Your drive is to hit him with a line drive? That's crazy. I was so competitive and so, and when I got into stand-up, maybe because I just, I saw that so many people were so far beyond me that I was like, well, I'm not playing their game, I guess. So I'm not, I never had a competitiveness in stand-up. Well, you can't. But you can, listen, you could, there's a good place for competitiveness. I mean, I am competitive, no doubt. But I don't think about it in terms of like art. Yeah. I think my competition with either stand-up or with podcasting is to be the best I can be, to do the best job I can. Like if I have a guy on and he wants to talk about some science stuff or something like esoteric, I have to read his book or listen to the audio book. I have to read articles. I have to do my best. This guy is going to fly in here from Europe or whatever it is. I have to be ready and I have to be intrigued. And the only reason why I have him on the podcast in the first place is because I'm interested in it. So my thing is just do the best that I can. And the way that I could do it the best I can is only talk to people that I want to talk to. Only reach out to people that I'm actually interested in. Only accept invitations of someone that ignites my curiosity. And just only do it that way. Never say, oh, this person would be great because they're famous. Like that's one of the things you see about some of these podcasts that are doing well. All of their guests are famous, right, which is like a built-in cheat code. Like let's see what this guy – and I have famous people on all the time. if I think they interesting if I wanna talk to them But I pass on a lot of famous people because I not interested in them or because they were like really heavily pushing the vaccine during the pandemic I like fuck you forever. Fuck you. There's a few people that have tried to get on. I'm like, no, I would have before the pandemic, I would have been happy to have you on. But now I'm like, fuck you forever. You who knows how many people you caused to have heart attacks? Who knows how many people you tricked into getting that? And they had a stroke. Who knows? Who knows? And they didn't need it, especially the people that already got COVID, you didn't know what you were talking about, and you just bootlicked. You bootlicked for the fucking, for the man. Like, fuck you. Like, that's it. But other than that, everybody else, it's like, who is it? What do they want to talk about? So I just do my best. You know, I'm competitive when it comes to playing pool, but really the pool, you're playing against yourself. You're playing another person, and the other person is, but when you're playing, nobody can block you. Nobody gets in front of you. You're just trying to do your best. So it's all against you. All the competition is against you, which is why I like to work out by myself. I'm playing against me. You know, it's me. It's like whatever my inside little inner bitch is, I'm trying to squash that motherfucker down, beat his ass again, and then he's back again tomorrow. Every time I lift the fucking lid on that cold punch, my inner bitch is like, don't do it. You don't have to do this. You could not do it and we'll be fine. The other day it was 22 degrees outside, and I had to break the ice off of the top of the thing because it was covered in ice. I had to break the ice off because I could barely lift the lid off the fucking thing. So I had to knock off all the ice and then pick it up and climb on in. I'm like, fuck you. And it's like it's fuck you to the inner bitch. Dude, it's like when you said – like I remember doing an interview with a guy. I got a Netflix special coming out. I'm going to go out on the road for the next couple weeks. And I was like, couple weeks? Couple weeks. Couple weeks. I'm gone. I'm not home for one month one month out I'm in my bus every night doing stand up but 18 months out I'm like obsessive I'm not shooting my next one until 2027 and I'm obsessive today last night I was like I tried all my new shit I was like I gotta find out if real people laugh at this you know like I mean my fans I think my fans are willing to give me an inch you know well they also know you they know your story and all the references. Yeah. But what crazy to me is like we were me and you I can speak for the younger comics but we were in a time at stand when competitiveness was the norm It was because of TV, though, dude. That was what it was. It was like everybody thought they were competing for a very small amount of slots. And then what happened was the internet came along and we realized that, no, in fact, we're actually an asset to each other. Because we do each other's podcasts. We hang out with each other, which makes each other better. when we're all on a show together and you're killing and Tom's killing and Ari's killing, the more people are killing, the more we're going to do better because we're going to get excited about it. Yeah. And we'll be inspired. And so we became valuable to each other instead of competitive against each other. And if there was any competition that you were having with your friends, it was actually healthy competition because it just made you try harder. Like if you saw, if Ari went up and did like when Ari did his Jew special, which was fucking incredible, that special was so good. It made so many people get inspired to work on a theme and write and like really try to develop something. Like look at what he did. He just put together this fucking incredible special. Like it was really fucking good. And that kind of competition is healthy competition. It's inspirational. Instead of like saying, I hope that guy gets hit by a bus. Fuck him. All these slobs that are on Twitter and they're talking shit about comedians and are angry about comedians. They have one thing in common. they're almost all failures. They're either failures or they're extremely mediocre. They're in the middle of like mediocrity. No one's got them as their favorite comedian. No one's got them as their favorite podcaster. No one's got them as anything. They just don't do that well. So what do they do? They're attacking people. So their competitiveness is a very unhealthy competitiveness. If their competitiveness was healthy they would say well what is it about this person where she's getting all of these comedy specials and she's in front of all these roasts. Why is Nikki Glaser doing so well and I'm not? Instead of hating on Nikki Glaser. But that's not what a narcissist does. What about me? How come I'm not getting that? She doesn't talk about sucking cock, that fucking bitch. And then they get all fucking angry and they start talking shit about her. Meanwhile, she still kills it. She's still on the road. She's still selling out. She's still getting out there. Everybody screams and cheers. Why? Because she put in the work. And if you put in the work and if you looked at yourself and you objectively analyzed what you doing and said why is this going well and why is this not going well and worked harder you would be where she is But you not So what are you doing You on Twitter every day for 12 hours like a fucking mental patient just shitting on people and getting in arguments and saying mean things like you going to just it crabs in a bucket. You're just trying to pull people down that are doing better than you. Where are you going? Get back down here. That's all it is. Yeah. It's unhealthy. That's why you can't read that stuff. Because you absorb the atmosphere of the people that you surround yourself with. and like it or not, when you're interacting with people on social media, you are surrounding yourself with their thoughts, you know, and they're unhealthy people that you would never hang out with in real life. And if you did, if you said, well, why do you think that way? And then they would say something like, that doesn't make any sense. This is why that's, that doesn't make any sense. And then they would run away and go talk shit about you on social media because they're cowards. So you can't live in a world of cowards and mental ill people. You can't, it's not good for you. It's, uh, when I started hanging out with the group, the group I'm around now, right. I want to say it was you, you're saying, surround yourself with good people. And I remember, I remember reading a quote that week and I I've butchered it, but I said, if enough, you hang out with enough great white sharks, people think you're a great white shark. like I just like all they see is the fin and it's like if I hang out with the best fucking comics in the world if I surround myself with the best comics in the world I'm gonna have to get better like I'm gonna get better and I remember I can tell you like the first time I saw your Caitlyn Jenner joke of the gargoyles and you're on the stool and you got the stool and the gargoyle I remember watching that crying laughing going I'm not using the stage at all like I'm not using the stage. Like, God damn it. Or I remember Burr doing an act out and I never expected Burr to do an act out. He was talking to an immigrant kid he hired that lived in the bushes or that he adopted. He goes, someone's not going to live in the house. We're going to keep in the bushes. He said, come on, man. There's a reason you have bushes. But he was doing an act out. And I remember going like, God damn it, man. I don't ever do act outs. Like, I think I always surrounded myself around better comics to like, see what the, see what the meal was being made and go like, well, shit, I'm just making french fries, you can turn that into a baked potato? Well, we don't exist in a vacuum. This is one of the things that I always say about comics. You never find the best comic in the country or one of the best comics in the country by themselves in Birmingham, Alabama. It doesn't exist. They're always in either New York, LA, Austin. There's a few other places where you find out about someone by themselves in Birmingham, Alabama. by themselves in Birmingham, Alabama. It doesn't exist. They're always in either New York, LA, Austin. There's a few other places where you find out about someone really good. And they're always around other people that are really good. Because comedy is one of those things where you really only experience it live. Like when you see someone doing a special, specials are great. But a special is like 60% of the real show. If you're there in the audience, you get 100% of the real show. You get hypnotized by the show. You get caught up in it. If the guys got it together, it's like really well pieced and timed and edited. It's so much fun. But you got to be there. And when you're at a club and you see Gillis and Ron White and like we had the mothership, you have all these great comics. Like, man, the atmosphere is just uplifting. Everybody's inspired and exciting. And for people that are listening, like, yeah, that's great for you guys. Be fucking famous comedians. You could do this with your friends. Whatever you're doing. I don't care what you're doing. Whatever you're doing. If you guys are all pickleball players, just work hard to be the best fucking pickleball player. Hang out with other pickleball players. Talk about pickleball. Get involved in it. Push each other. Tell each other what you're doing that's making you better. Tell each other what are the different things you're doing that's enhancing your recovery or whatever the fuck you're into. Find other people that are also into it Surround yourself with people that have a similar thing and you all lift each other up and it's you need the other voices So I think sometimes the best jokes you tell are like like you don't realize you're telling a joke You don't realize it's a bit and then someone goes yo, man Like I remember we were doing a new material night one night and I got off stage and you walked up to me go Did you really not know that Helen Keller and Anne Frank with weren't the same person? And I was like, yeah, you should think they're the same person. Bro, did you know what I've been reading? That Helen Keller was a fraud? Okay, hold on. Let's start here, okay? So, okay. I heard Stevie Wonder could see. Okay. And there's footage of him doing seeing guy shit. Like what? Pull it up. All sorts of stuff and some very interesting stories people have told too. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Boy, that's a great secret. to keep that secret for so long while you're still alive. Helen Keller's dead and it just leaked out in 2026. Dude Helen Keller Her doctors were saying that she responded to stimuli to sound to visual And then her writing was apparently all the same grammatical errors and spelling errors that her handler had This goes back to Cub Shae Shae, Joe. It's just like he says to me, you lost it all and you built it back. And I just Stevie Wonder'd him. I'm like, yeah, I can't see, man. Me and Eddie Bravo were crying laughing because I was on the toilet when he called me. and I'm taking a shit and he's like, did Burt Crasher lose everything? I'm like, what? What do you mean? He goes, he was on Shannon Sharp. I go, he didn't lose everything. And I go, I bet Shannon Sharp just said that and I could see Burt totally just going with it. And we were crying laughing. Eddie and I were crying. We're like, why would you go with that? Why wouldn't you just tell him? I'll tell you, Burt wouldn't. He wouldn't even, I don't know, Shannon. I just put myself back up and I just, I hit rock bottom. He never hit rock bottom. He was never even in the middle. He was always doing great. That's what happened to Stevie Wonder. Oh my God. They were just like, hey man, I heard you're blind. He's like, what? And then someone's like, just go. Come on. This can't be real. I swear to God, there's video of someone. Ray Charles is blind. Don't kill all my dreams. Ray Charles is really blind. Okay. I heard Ray Charles got a lot of pussy too. Stevie Wonder. You know why? Because he didn't care what it looked like. He didn't give a fuck. He just cared what it felt like. Did you smell good? Do you smell good? Can we fuck? I brought a blind guy on stage one time in Hartford, Connecticut. I was like, he was with a fucking smoking hot chick. He probably didn't even know. And I know I said, I go, dude, what a waste. And he was like, what? I go, you got a beautiful chick, but you could just, I mean, wouldn't a fat one feel better? Because you're all touch, right? And he goes, no, man, I can feel her face. And I went, what? She's gorgeous. And she was. Oh, he could feel her face. This is when I was young and there were no rules in comedy and no one had phones. So I said, hey, man, come up on stage. I want you to feel people in the audience and rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. Oh, no. Fucking the confidence of these chicks. I'll do it. Oh, boy. Feels her face. She's like, ugh, 4. And the crowd was like, this guy's good. He could have worked at a fair, Joe. I mean, he was so fucking good. He was so good. You have to have footage of Stevie Wonder shaking dudes' hands. Come on. There's one where I saw where he comes up on stage and Stevie sticks his hand out to the side. And the guy's like, hey, what's up, Stevie? Yeah but I mean he would hear people and know that they were to the side of him I don't know that's what I heard but then that what happened with Helen Keller is right the story Well Helen Keller seems Keller it seems like it was fraud It seems like she probably was visually impaired Okay when someone attempted to shake hands with Stevie Wonder like, pray this. Oh, that's a joke making fun of it. Okay, so not that one. Oh. But I did find, so there's a bunch of compilations of people, like this is from Drink Champs. These Stevie Wonder stories keep getting wilder every time. Shut up. You ever had Drink Champs on? No. Let me hear some of this. Stevie's not blind stories. Stevie Wonder be FaceTiming Snoop Dogg. On everything I love, Stevie Wonder does FaceTime me. Come on, man! I can't make this shit up. Come on! I was in there chilling. I was getting my hair done with my hair stylist. And he gonna tell us a story. And my phone rang, and my hair stylist was like, did that say Stevie Wonder? I said, yep. I went, boop. And he was like, I've been looking for you. Oh! You know Snoop Dogg said Stevie Wonder FaceTimes him? yeah oh my god oh my god think Stevie to see sometimes Shaq said he rode in the elevator with Stevie and Stevie pressed the button. We lived in the same building on Wilshire. All right, I just need to describe this story. You can park in front or you can park at the bottom. I'm already in the elevator. So you say Stevie got off his car with Dolo? No, I haven't seen him. But he got on the elevator with Dolo. And I'm standing in the corner. I see him. I don't want to say nothing. He's like, what up, Diesel? He hit his butt, man. He got off the floor, and I'm like. Shaq said he rode in the elevator with him. He didn't say that he was in there. He just seen Stevie. Like, they lived in the same building. They both walked in. And Shaq, because he didn't want to say that. And Stevie said, when Shaq walked out, all right, later, Diesel. That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy. What a great move that would be if he really did it. I think he's blind. No, it's the pitch. But what up, Diesel? First of all, the sound that he would make when he walks. Like, Shaq is huge. He's an enormous person. So you'd probably realize there's an enormous man next to you. You'd have to feel it. Right. I'll test it. Maybe he wears the same deodorant or cologne. Because dudes who can see have amazing sense of smell Like people smell differently Yeah You know like certain people smell different I guess I don notice it because I can see have amazing sense of smell Like people smell differently You know like certain people smell different I guess I don notice it because I can see them Shaq does have his own deodorant Yeah, there you go. No, he has his own deodorant. It's got Shaq's head on it, I think. He probably smelled Shaq's deodorant. I don't know. I'm just trying to be charitable. This is how I think it happened, right? Stevie Wonder goes on, what, the Ed Sullivan Show of Five? And he's probably hard, he probably can't see, he probably doesn't have 2020 vision. He's probably legally blind, right? Legally blind. He can see shit, but it's not great vision. And they're like, you know, this is little Stevie. And he's like, what's wrong with his eyes? We can't fucking put his eyes out like that. Give him sunglasses. And then the story got bigger than it was. I will say this. I will say this, okay? I got a video of this. This just proves that he might be blind. Liam was at a concert the other night. This guy, Corey Henry, Stevie's favorite pianist. Leanne loves Corey Henry She goes to the concert She's sitting next to Stevie Wonder And Stevie Wonder didn't stand The whole place was standing And Leanne was like Why isn't he standing I go Because you only stand to see If you're blind You're going to sit through the whole show It's no different to you Right So I was like Of course I have video of Stevie Wonder sitting But it's also convenient Because who the fuck wants to stand for a show I don't Helen Keller The Helen Keller one's different The Helen Keller one's Because there's doctors That have said who was medical records at the time where people said she was responding to light. It says that there's... That's not true. The Helen Keller thing? Medical board archives from 1902 to 1924 do not contain examination reports showing Helen Keller had functional vision and hearing throughout a disabled life. And the conspiracy that Keller was a cash cow for Sullivan is debunked by the fact that Keller's full life continued with another companion, Polly Thompson, who also interpreted for her. That doesn't mean anything. That means that other person could be in on it as well. Yeah. That doesn't mean anything. Also, this is a time in 1919. I mean, come on. How easy was a lie in 1902 to 1924? I mean, you could get away with so much. So she supposedly flew a fucking plane. I told you she flew a fucking plane. Hold on. Yeah, this says it was from like a movie and there's no. Oh, the movie. She flew a plane in a movie. A silent film. She played herself. She played herself flying a plane. They just thought people were retarded back then. They're like, show her flying a plane. She's the best. She started the university. Nothing can hold her back. Why is it holding you back? She can't hear. She can't see. And she could talk and write. retarded back then. They're like, show her flying retarded back then. They're like, show her flying a plane. She's the best. She started the university. Nothing can hold her back. Why is it holding you back? She can't hear, she can't see, and she could talk and write books. Like, wait, what? Okay, that is this one article. I knew she flew a plane. I've read things that said that the people that were examining her said that she responded to sound and that she responded to light. Just because this one thing says it's not true doesn't mean that it's not true. Well, then here's the question. It's also we don't know. This is 100 years ago. We really don't know. How blind and deaf do you need to be before you say you're not blind and deaf? Right. Well, the thing is, like, can you not hear anything? Can you not see anything? That's blind and that's deaf. Anything else is like I have poor hearing and poor sight. Yeah, but that doesn't sell a fucking book. Right, but that's the problem. Like, maybe she could see a little. Maybe she just had bad vision and maybe she could talk a little. Because otherwise how, I mean- So less impressive. Explain to me how you're going to write books. Explain to me how you're going to grasp concepts and language and communication and interaction. Explain to me. I don't get it. I've never met anybody since then that's been able to do it. Do any blind deaf people today write books and fly planes? I don't know if she flew a plane. She's just in the plane. That's what it said. Oh, yeah. She's in the front of this plane and they usually flew it from the back. I saw a blind guy in a plane once. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think he flew. I almost got in a fight with a blind guy at the Austin airport. For what? Right after I did the show last time I was here. It was a little high. I went to the airport, a little drunk. He was fighting with his wife, and he grabbed her by the back of the arm to leave, and I thought he was just grabbing her by the back of the arm like a dick. And I was like, hey. And then he turned around, he had sunglasses on and a cane, and I realized that's the only way he could get to the gate. Look at Burp being a fucking white knight. I know. Stepping in, fighting blind guys. I fucked that guy up. He didn't, it was the easiest fight I've ever been in. the look on the black guy's face at TSA when I couldn't see that he was blind already and he grabbed his wife's arm and I went hey and the black guy went oh shit you're talking shit to a blind guy you were drunk I was I was wasted so are there any good articles that say Helen Keller could see I asked perplexity it said she was blind and deaf caused by meningitis when she was 19 months old Mmm Again I wonder wonder if she could see a little see a little in here a little makes a lot more sense that you could Write books That why I just stumbled across something that I don know how true it is It just says that somewhere along the way Stevie Wonder got some sort of corrective something or other to help Oh, so he could see a little bit? Death perception issues or. What? That means you could see. Stop lying to me, damn it. That's crazy. But he also, another thing says he's got detached retinas. Wait, did you ever see that? Oh, interesting. So he has damaged vision then. That sounds like damage division. Shortly after birth due to retinopathy of prematurity from being born prematurely. He's addressed his rumors persistently about being able to see. It's a blessing to see people's spirits, not their appearance. So this is the Instagram thing that I saw initially on Helen Keller. I'll send this to you. Yeah, you don't believe that, but you believe that bullshit article that you just pulled up. No, I'm saying starting with social media isn't the best listen. It's the best place for information It's where I get all my information. Everything's accurate. You could start there. It's all real It's all real You ever told someone yeah, I read a book about it was just an Instagram post and they're like a book I think I saw the same post. Yeah, Helen Keller was a fraud doctors proved she could see in here That's her her teacher made millions from the lie said Medical Board our cut Medical board archives from 1902 to 1924 allegedly contain examination reports suggesting Helen Keller retained partial vision and hearing throughout her life. According to those claims, multiple physicians noted she reacted to sounds when Ann Sullivan was not present, tracked movement with her eyes, and physically flinched at loud noises. One sealed report is said to conclude that her responses pointed to coordinated deception rather than true disability. Sullivan reportedly refused independent testing. Aha. The theory argues that the situation became highly profitable. Sullivan allegedly discovered Keller at age seven, promoted a miraculous teaching breakthrough, and toured the country charging the modern equivalent of thousands per appearance. Supporters of the claim say Keller's autobiography noticeably changed tone when Sullivan became ill, suggesting Sullivan authored both voices. Financial records are said to show Sullivan controlled all income, keeping Keller financially dependent for life. Linguistic analytics cited by conspiracy supporters claim Keller writings mirrored Sullivan private letters exactly matching vocabulary sentence structure and even spelling mistakes They argue that when Keller wrote Without Sullivan Present the work appeared elementary concluding that her eloquent public words came from Sullivan, not Keller. According to the theory, disability organizations later built massive institutions around Keller's story. when evidence questioning her condition surfaced. It was allegedly suppressed to, rather, protect a lucrative charity, an inspiration-based industry that relied on a powerful symbolic figure. Lance Armstrong. What do you mean? This is the whole, like, you build the whole thing, and people start coming at you, right? It's like this is the time when the elephant man was big. Yeah, but Lance Armstrong won those races. And the thing about the Lance Armstrong thing is, you know you could say Lance Armstrong cheated and he'll tell you he cheated but the reality is everyone cheated if you wanted to go back into the archives when he won Tour de France and figure out like who didn't test positive you had to go to 18th place yeah so they took away all his jerseys by the way fuck you he says because he still has all those jerseys on the wall bitch you can't take them from me you can say I didn't win but everybody knows I won and everybody knows he won when all those other guys were doping too. But I was saying they were trying to protect of a lucrative profit. Uh-huh. And that's what didn't happen with Lance. They just threw him under the bus. Well, he was also suing people who were saying that he took stuff. Yeah. Because they were whistleblowers. Because they went after them first and said, listen, if you blow the whistle on Lance, we'll get you off the hook. And so then he would sue them. It would be a better story if Helen was more like Lance. And they're like, we got a tennis partner who says you play tennis with him, Helen. She's like, I'm going to sue you. you and they're like you're talking pretty good but this is around the time when the elephant man was big so you'd grab on to something right you'd grab on to something like a sideshow and you'd parade it around the country especially that woman who's our handler if that lady was responsible for all of her finances and had access to all that money that makes sense that's how I mixed up Anne Frank and Anne Sullivan that's how it came about there's no link here shut up Jamie I just want to say stop ruining everything You're right. There's no link there. There's not a single link to say, and people even ask, like, where are the links? Yeah. I like that one, though. I knew it. I knew it. I'm with that guy. Christian Harvey I with that guy I knew it I with that guy I been saying this for years It just doesn make sense that you be able to write so eloquently Did you ever see Kevin Hart and Dr Dre talking about Stevie Wonder No. Pull this up. Kevin Hart, Dr. Dre. Because Dr. Dre is not, I mean, he never tries to be funny. Right. He is so fucking funny on accident on this clip. Talking about Stevie Wonder? Just Stevie Wonder, Dr. Dre, Kevin Hart. Album with Marsha Ambrose, right? And we did some music, a song using Stevie Wonder's music, and he had to clear it, and he called me up like, hey, yo, Jay. For some reason, Stevie Wonder calls you, like, super early in the morning, like 6, 7 in the morning or some shit. I'm like, that's because you can't see the time. The fuck? Right, so, true story. Look at Kevin. I don't like the lyrics. I don't like the lyrics, Jay. Look at Kevin. Okay, we went in and changed the lyrics. It's like, what if we, uh... It was like, Jessica. Stevie. Stevie. Stevie, it's 3 a.m. What the fuck is the difference? Like, 5 a.m. or 5 p.m. is Stevie? That's true. What's the difference? That's true. Blind people have a really hard time sleeping. I imagine, because it's dark all the time. Yeah. Yeah, their circadian rhythm's all fucked up, right? They feel sunlight in their face, though, if they go outside. They have to. I do. They have to. Yeah, it probably feels really good. You get that sun on your face, you're blind. Like, oh. You just don't feel the light. You just feel the warmth. I bet you see it when you open your eyes a little bit. I bet you see something. It depends on your level of blindness, right? Some people could just see light, like a little bit of light. I would love that they made, like, blind glasses. Like, this is how blind you have to be to be considered blind, and you could just put them on and be like, okay, that's blind. Oh, like legally blind glasses? Yeah, yeah, like legally blind glasses that we could all put on. And then they're like, that'd be cool if they made like versions. Like this is how blind Helen Keller was. And you put them on, you're like, oh, I can fucking see. Yeah, we don't know. I guess there's no way to find out. I'd like to believe that it was a fraud. I think that's fun. I like to believe that people pull. Well, it's like Watergate. I like finding out. I got to get rid of that book now. Yeah. That fucking bums me out. That was my hair. Listen, you watch the episode that I did with Bill Murray. He fucking hated that book. He said, yeah, after five pages, he was like, I knew it was bullshit. yeah Bert I love you to death Joe I love you tell everybody about your show it's on Netflix right now free Bert streaming on Netflix right now check it out if you like it Bullshit. Bullshit. God. Yeah. Bert, I love you to death. Joe, I love you. Tell everybody about your show. It's on Netflix right now. Free Bert, streaming on Netflix right now. Check it out. If you like it, just enjoy it. Tell a friend. Boom, boom. 275 pounds in this. Damn. You look like you lost a lot of weight. How much you down to now? 40 pounds. Oh, 35 pounds. That's awesome. I'm 230. And you haven't drank in how long? Just 17 days. That's good. Yeah, I have a timer set. Five months and 18 days. So at six months, you're going to have a drink? Yeah, well, I got a second opinion. You know that, Joe. Okay, I'll see you in six months. I'll see you in six months. I'll see you before. I'll see you before. Are you coming tonight? Are you going to be around tonight? I'm trying to go spend time with Tom's kids. Oh, beautiful. I'm going to dinner. Okay, beautiful. Well, it's good luck getting Tommy on the phone these days. He's a busy boy. Yeah, busy boy. Yeah, we're all busy, Tom. That dude's busy, though. No. He's kind of crazy busy. Yeah, I own a vodka company with him. Yeah, he opened up a restaurant. We have a 5K. You couldn't come run our 5K, Joe? No. LA? No. Come on. I don't go to LA. When was the last time you were there? I guess it was like I went there for the UFC seven months ago or something like that. Okay. Yeah. I don't go there anymore. LA to me is like just a bad relationship. Like you run into a girl that used to be cool and now she's just a mess and you're like, oh. You don't miss anything about it? Nope. I'm good at moving on thanks for having me on Joe my pleasure brother love you to death bye everybody