--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Thank you for hanging out with me. I just love spending time with you, and I also wanted to acknowledge you for something. You are listening to this podcast, and that's really cool because you listen knowing that it could help you make your life better. And I just want to say that's awesome. Go you. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this podcast one of the most popular podcasts in the entire world. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the world's leading experts on confidence and motivation. And I have a really simple mission showing up here, talking to you twice a week. I just want to inspire and empower you with tools and experts. Today, you're going to meet an incredible expert who's going to give you the resources and the strategies that you need to create a better life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And that brings me to today's conversation. The five things that you need to know to take control of your financial life. Who is in the chair today? I'm so freaking fired up for this. Tiffany Aliche is here. She is known as the Budgetnista. And here's what I love about her. She's not only gonna break this entire topic of money and your financial life down. She is so amazingly relatable and entertaining. You're going to learn so many cool things. You're going to learn how to increase your savings without depriving yourself, how to get out of debt. You're going to learn three ways to boost your credit score like that. And one of my all-time favorite concepts about money, she calls it paying yourself first. And you have to learn this.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want to be very clear about something. I am unbelievably talented when it comes to making money, but I am not a financial expert. In fact, I consider myself to be bad with money. And it may surprise you to hear that I feel that way about myself. And I'll admit to you, I have a lot to learn when it comes to being responsible with money, managing money. And if I dig even deeper, I have a lot of emotion about money. See, I shop when I'm stressed and even though I can pay my bills at this moment in my life, I don't open my bills when they arrive. They literally sit there in a little stack. I don't know if you have a little stack like in the entryway of your house or on the counter in the kitchen, but I always have like a little stack. I don't know what it is. I kind of want to get to the bottom of it today.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And this has been the way that I've been for as long as I can remember. In fact, I can give you some examples. If I go back to college, so I arrive at college and they have that sort of like opening registration forum thing, where there's these tables and clubs you can join. When I went to college, I'm 55 years old, no kidding, there were banks there and they were handing out credit cards, like literally handing out credit cards as if it was candy to trick-or-treaters. All you had to do, walk up to a table, fill out a form. You get a credit card. You get a credit card. I'm like, I'll take a credit card. It was like free money until I graduated with $10,000 in debt. And I had no idea what I'd spent it on.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And that led to the next era in my life of financial irresponsibility in which I would play this game that I called credit card leapfrog, which basically involved Mel Robbins searching for a credit card with a 0% offer and then transferring my balance from my last credit card that I had maxed out to this new one. And I get it. I was an idiot. And the fact is, though, that what was really going on is I was intimidated by money. And I was also really embarrassed by the reality of my financial situation. And it felt like living in financial quicksand.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And when I got into my 20s, my first job after law school was to be a public defender. And I could barely make the ends meet. I mean, I'm talking pay rent, pay for groceries. And so I started putting my living expenses on a credit card. I mean, it got so bad in terms of me being in debt and just constantly being irresponsible around it that when Chris and I got married 28 years ago, I came into that marriage with five or six credit cards that were completely maxed out. Now, did I tell him? No, I'm being serious. In fact, if I sit here and really think about it, I'm not sure he even knows this today because I kept it secret and I just kind of kept paying the minimum balance.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I'm telling you this because I think this is more common than most of us realize. And when you get into debt where you are like I was and you are constantly living beyond your means because you're like, okay, I feel terrible. So I don't want to sit and look at my bills. So I'm just going to go out and spend money that I don't have. And eventually I'll have money. And so it just creates this level of stress and shame. And it became for me a very toxic cycle that was hard to break out of.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And, you know, as my story progresses, a lot of you know that when I was in my forties, my husband and his best friend followed a dream of going into the restaurant business. And like a lot of you who are small business owners, we put up our house as the collateral for that business because that's all the collateral that we had. And that's great when your business is successful, but the market took a turn. The business started to fail. We found ourselves 800 grand in debt. I'm 41 years old, three kids under the age of 10. And let me tell you something, if you think a credit card bill is scary, that is nothing compared to what it feels like to have liens start arriving in the mail saying they've hit your house and bankruptcy notifications.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so many of you that have heard that story, that was my life 15 years ago, want to know, Mel, oh my God, $800,000 in debt, almost going to lose your house. You were unemployed. How the hell did you get out of debt? And I've never really given the answer because I just outworked it like that literally is the answer that I realized nobody was coming. I realized that my husband was doing the best he can to try to keep the business afloat. He hadn't been paid in like six months. Like if I was going to figure this out, I had to do something. And what that looked like is working like a freak. I mean, I had two, three, four jobs at a time. I just never stopped. And I started chipping away at the credit card bills and paying off the minimum balances and then making more chunks. And then when I paid them off, I cut them up.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And when I finally got myself out of debt, not mortgage, I still have a mortgage, but like all of that debt that had racked up the liens on the house, all that stuff, that was like six years ago. I had one rule. Any dollar that came in, 50 cents had to go into savings. Why? Because it was so terrifying to be under that kind of excruciating financial stress and shame. I never wanted to be in that position again. And I know there's a lot that I can learn, which is why I'm so excited to learn from Tiffany.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But I'm also here because I look at my three kids, our adult kids, so 25, 23, and 18, and here's what scares me. I pass this stuff down to our daughters. I see them struggling with their relationship with money. It's not a powerful relationship. They are scared of it. They want more of it. They don't feel empowered by it. And, you know, one of them is so afraid that she will never have enough money that she's like a squirrel. She works like crazy. She's always working on us. And then she's taking the nut and she's squirreling it away and she's not enjoying it. And then there's our other daughter who's 23 and she is identical to how I used to be. And you know what she does? She does what I do. She shops and she buys something that she can't afford.
--:-- Mel Robbins: In fact, the other time I was talking to her on FaceTime, this was two days ago. She's sitting there eating something that looked weird. I'm like, what is that? She's like, oh, it's CMOS. It's like the next it thing. Everybody's eating it in LA, mom, which means, of course, you have to buy it in some organic blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that kind of thing, which means it costs way beyond the budget of a serving artist. And so I know better. I'm like, don't say anything now because, you know, that's not a good thing to do. But I feel like I don't know how to empower my kids to break out of the cycle with money that I was trapped in.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And that is why I am so excited when our next guest today said, Mel, the Mel Robbins podcast, of course, I'll get on a plane and fly to Boston and sit down with you and spend time teaching you, Mel, and you listening the five things that you need to know to take control of your financial life. Tiffany Aliche is here. And you might have already met her before because she is an expert and star in the Netflix series, Get Smart with Money. Her podcast, Brown Ambition, has won a Webby Award. Her book, Get Good with Money, is a New York Times bestseller. And she has built an eight-figure business and she runs an eight-figure business and she has been in the depths of debt.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And you know what's interesting is I can almost hear right now all the moms and dads pulling up the share button and sharing this episode to their kids because you know, as soon as we're done editing this, this is going straight to my kids. And if you're listening to this because your mom or dad or aunt or uncle or brother or sister sent this to you, I wanna tell you something. You're gonna fricking love Tiffany. And you need to hear it. Tiffany has helped 2 million people just like you save, manage, and pay off hundreds of millions of dollars. And one of the reasons why I like her so much is she's been there. She understands what it's like to be under crushing debt, to be a victim of a scam, to not be able to pay your bills. And she is living proof that you can learn everything you need to learn. You can literally not only climb out of that debt, you can build a mountain of wealth and she's going to meet you wherever you are. So are you ready to get good with money? I sure am. Tiffany, welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I'm so excited to be here, Mel.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I would love to just jump in and talk about your story with money. And first of all, I want to offer up that your story is very common, that, you know, you are not the exception, but the rule. So many of us, especially when we're younger, struggle with our financial relationship with money. So, like, I'm not surprised by some of the things you went through because I went through them as well. And when you've helped as many people as you've helped, I would imagine that you hear some of the same things, whether it's fear or shame. What is something that you want someone to know? If they're struggling to pay their bills right now, or they are like Chris and I were, their house has liens on it, they're in a mountain of debt, and they think they've done all the right things, but they're still feeling this level of why can't I get this right? What is your overarching message in terms of what's possible for somebody?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, one, I want you to know that it is quite possible. If you can hear the sound of my voice, it means that you are still currently here. And because you're still currently here, then you can turn around whatever situation or circumstance that you're in. I promise you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Awesome.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: No matter how much debt you have. No matter. I mean, when you said $800,000, I'll say, I see your $800,000 and I had $300,000.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, we're going to get to that. So why don't we get into, I know your background, but why don't you tell everybody how you became the Budgetnista, like your background?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I feel like I was born into the Budgetnista. I'm one of five girls and my parents are both immigrants from Nigeria. And my dad especially was really focused on teaching his girls about money.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: He was an accountant. He has his bachelor's in economics, his master's in finance. And we had money lessons at home.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah. So every Thursday we would have like a family meeting, usually about chores and homework, but also the family's financial state.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And honestly, when you're a kid, you think like whatever happens in your home is like, that's what happens everywhere. It wasn't until probably middle school. And I'm like, you guys don't have money class? Because my dad let us know this is normal. Everyone does this. And I'm like, so you don't do Thursday night money sessions? Got it. Okay, but it was great because I mean, at the time I didn't think it was great, but it really taught us the basics and not to be afraid of money because we talked about it so openly.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Like he would leave the light bill on the dining room table and he would say if the light bill goes down, we could put money into our traveling fund and we can go to Disney.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know what? I'm stealing that right now. No, I'm serious, because I think as a parent having an 18 year old son, like I come downstairs in the morning and if he's the last one up, it's like every light in the house is on and you can say it intellectually. But even just that strategy of leaving the bill out and saying, if you turn off the lights, this is lower and I can use that money to do more things for you. That's a great tip. Thank you to your dad.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because one of the things that he understood is that kids don't care about your bills. I don't care if your kid is 30 or three.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: They don't care about your bills. What they do care about is what's important to them. And so if you can link your bills to what's important to them, then they will care about that outcome. Match it to what's important. And then all of a sudden, even for yourself, like money for money's sake is usually not motivation enough.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Matching it to a thing, vacation, less work, more time with family. If you can match it to something that's important, then it's easier to stick to the money goal.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Interesting. So did you like literally graduate from high school and head off into your life and you were already chipping away, saving millions of dollars?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, I was financially, quote unquote, perfect until about 25, 26, because I just did what my parents told me to do.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: That's around that age. You know, you start, old people call it smelling yourself when you're like, I'm grown. I can do what I want. And so I was really good at savings. I went to school for business and I hated all my internships because I'm fun. And it was like, I'm dying here.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so I decided I wanted to teach because I love kids. And I thought, I think I want to be a teacher, but I don't want to be broke. How do I reconcile those two things? So I decided, well, if I'm really good with my money, I can take a job that pays less.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So I did that. I became a preschool teacher.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I bet you were great at that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Oh, my God. I was the best. I'm not going to lie. Everybody loved Miss Tiffany. I mean, because I was like 21 and I had a ball.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. So you're following the advice of your parents. You are working the systems. You are able to do a job that you love. You are checking all the boxes. What happened?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Saving, saving, saving. I lived home for the first year.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Smart.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And my dad showed me how to do my own taxes. So much so that I was so good at budgeting and managing money that I would show the other teachers. The maintenance men would come in during nap time. The parents, I started to have like parent university. So the kids would nap, parents would come in and I would show them, this is how you budget. This is how you save. And that's how the Budgetnista was born informally, because I realized I don't just like teaching kids. I like teaching this too.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right. That's super cool.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And then I want to say about 25. That's when I said, I don't actually want your advice anymore because I'm an adult.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You mean your father?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. I'm an adult. I have it. And so it was then that I decided to go back for my master's in education. I thought maybe I'd be a principal. So all of a sudden...
--:-- Mel Robbins: You'd be a great principal, too.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, you know, I don't know, because I feel like you put the best people in the classroom, if I'm being honest. And that's when I realized after my master's, $50,000 later, I don't like this.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So I didn't have undergraduate loans. My parents helped and I lived at home part of the time. So I didn't have student loans.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, so now you're 26. You got $50,000 in student loans.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. And then, too, around that time, I had $30,000 saved. Because although I was working and making by then about $50,000 a year as a teacher, I was really good at side hustling. I babysat, I tutored. And so I saved about $30,000.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Amazing.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And I said, I think I want to buy something. Bought a condo, which was not necessarily bad.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Except for it was right before the crash, the recession. So we're talking 2007, 2008.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes. That was when this all happened to me, too.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So I bought it in 2006. So I paid $220 for the condo. And I was like, no problem. I've got a good job. And then I thought, I want to learn how to like be rich. And I had a friend, air quotes, who I thought was rich. Because in your 20s, you think if someone has a nice car, an apartment, they're rich. So I asked him, can you teach me to invest? Not my dad, but you. Can you teach me to invest? He said, sure.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You look stupid. I mean, yeah.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so he told me to pull money for one. He said, do you have credit cards? I said, just this one that my dad told me to pay off every month, which I do. He's like, no, no, open up a couple more because you can pull money off a credit card. I didn't know. And I was like, sure. So I opened up the cards and he's like, pull. I think I want to say I pulled off $15,000.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And it should have been such a red flag because I was at the bank. I can literally see the bankers face. Are you okay? So they kept me there for an hour, like grilling me. And no red flag went off like Tiffany. They were worried because they were like, is she getting scammed?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, obviously, yes.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But I didn't know that. And so I because I was like, we have a contract. Signed this contract with him. Of course, he promptly flew the coop.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wait. So this was a guy who basically told you to take out credit cards, get a cash advance on the credit card, give him the money and he was going to invest it for me.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Oh, man. But at the time, I just I was like, but he's rich. He wouldn't steal from me.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's true. You know, like if somebody is like doing all the things and going out and they're wearing the fancy clothes, you're like, oh, they know how to make money.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, he was a serial, I didn't realize he was a serial scammer. That's why he had the money because he then took your $15,000 or $20,000 and then like bought more nice clothes and then went on to the next person.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So I didn't know at first because even thinking about the terms, it was this $15,000 is going to yield you $2,000 a week for two years. I didn't even really ask what it was going to be invested in. I was like, that sounds like a lot of money. I'm in. So because I thought I'm about to be rich, I had these credit cards that still, because I had such great credit, I had these credit cards that I'd never thought about using credit cards before, but I'm like, since I'm going to be rich, let me start using them. I ran up another $15,000 on the credit card.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh my God. So you've got $30,000 in debt and it's probably at like 18, 20% interest. I can only imagine.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. Holy smokes. So now I've got $50,000 in student loan debt, $220,000 a mortgage, $30,000 credit card debt, literally the year before debt free. And I was just happy as a clam to do because, you know, like you're just a little fool. Like, I'm about to be rich. And then a week or two in after tricking up all my money on my credit cards, reaching out to him like, when can I expect my first payment? He was the worst kind of thief. I like just a clean thief. Just steal my money and go. He instead would be like, you didn't get the deposit? I sent it. Call your bank. So he took me through, so now he's gaslighting you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I didn't have the word for it then.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And I'd be like, bank, did you get the money? And they're like, no. So he did that for a few months and maybe he was trying to get away because he then moved. So maybe he was hoping that I wouldn't call the police. And until he could move away, he just stopped answering. And I remember I was devastated, like, wait, what do I do now? And so I was like, that's all right. Tiffany, you're a really good saver, a really good budgeter. So you're just going to babysit, tutor, and your job and you're just going to pay this debt down. You're going to chip away at it and you're not going to tell anybody.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And then the recession hit and people were losing their jobs. And I said, ooh, not me because I'm a teacher. And then they called us and said, actually, you too. Three days before the new school year was set to begin.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, man.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I was like, I don't understand because teachers don't. I mean, you need teachers.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But it was a nonprofit based school. And so they lost their funding because the corporations that gave us funding, it was a recession for them.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So I'm like, yeah, but school's supposed to start in three days. And then the summer you don't get paid. So I was waiting on that first check to start this new plan.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, my God.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And I remember being like, what do I do now? I owe all this money. I have a mortgage. And so I call my oldest sister, Karen, because, you know, she's mom junior.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I was like, what do I do? And she was like, honestly, Tiffany, what's the worst case scenario? And I was like, I don't know, I guess I lose my condo.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: She said, well, what would happen then? I'm like, I guess I would have to tell mommy and daddy and move back home. And she's like, well, why wait? I think you should just do the thing now preemptively.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so I didn't even tell my parents. I just brought like a lamp home and then I brought like a blanket and then my mattress. And my dad's like, are you back? I'm like, yeah. But he didn't know why I was back because he knew it was like a recession and he didn't know that I lost my job. So he just assumed I was trying to save money.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But I didn't want him to know all the other shenanigans surrounding.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So did you lose the condo, too?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes, it was honestly, you know, how some things you're like, it can't get worse. And it was like, hold my beer. Yes, indeed it can. So I ended up losing my condo to foreclosure and I tried to keep up with the mortgage until my retirement account was emptied. So now I have no retirement account. I lost my condo. I still owe all this money. And now I'm living back home with two Nigerian parents who think I'm in 12th grade still because by then I was like 28, 29. And they were like, well, I hope you have a curfew. I'm like a curfew. They're like, if you're home. I had a sister who was still in high school. They're like, we don't want you coming in and out like her. Her rules are your rules. I was like, wait, what?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so I stayed there till I was 29. And on my 29th going on 30th birthday, I remember laying in my middle school bed because that was the bed available because the baby sister was in like my cool teen spot in the basement. And she was like, I don't care if you're home. Go live upstairs with mommy and daddy.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And I remember laying in my middle school bed, tears streaming down the sides of my face. And I thought I had more money the last time I laid in this bed when I was like 14 because I babysat. I walked dogs and I was like I had more money than I had maybe like three or four thousand dollars saved then that I do now at 30. And I was calling myself every loser, just talking to myself in a way that I would never let anyone talk to me. And I was filled with such shame.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: That it set me into a state of depression because I was like, I'm never going to get out of this. Never, ever, ever. So that's why when people come to me, I'm like, I feel it deeply.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so I just stayed in that state of depression for a while until my best friend, Linda, who used to call me all the time, was like, you never want to go out. You always sound so sad. What's wrong? And I used to lie to her and say, everything's fine. Everything's fine. And then one day she's like, everything's not fine, Tiffany. Like, what's happening? So I tried to lie to her again and I just broke down into tears. And I was like, I'm at home. I lost everything. And she was like, that's it? If you knew Linda, you'd be like, because that's Linda. And she was like, so I'm calling you from my mother's couch. She's like, girl, we're all broke. It's the recession. And I started laughing and she started laughing. And it was like the first laugh I had in a long time. But she was like, have you called any of our other friends? Like literally, Tiffany, we are all broke. Everyone lost their job. Everyone's losing their homes. Like you're actually not special. I mean, it's sad, but join the club basically.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I wish you had been in my circle of friends then because I needed somebody to tell me that. As we were about to lose the house, it's hard. Like really hard because you think you're the only one. I mean, the recession isn't your fault. Losing your job isn't your fault. The fact that you were targeted by someone who had the intention of scamming you, that's not your fault. And yet you tend to say to yourself, I did this.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So what did you do?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So one, I realized that. So Linda allowed me to shed some of the shame.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And shame shields solutions.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Ooh, say that again. I love that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Shame, I realized, shields solutions. And when I was deep in the shame, I couldn't see all the lessons that I did know. Tiffany, you've always been a great budgeter. You've always been a great saver. You've always been a little side hustler. Those parts of you are still there. You can't see them because you're so steeped in the shame and shame honestly loves it when you're by yourself. Shame is like, don't tell anybody. It's just me and you. Like, stay here with me. The only way to really to ban a shame, I realized was to give voice to it, was to say, I did a thing. And shame was like, damn, because once she tells someone, then she's gonna realize she's not the only one. And then we're not the only one to see her and then I have to leave. And so once I told Linda and Linda's reaction was like, is that it? Then I told someone else and they were like, okay. And then I realized, oh, I'm really not the only one. And that what I'm going through can actually be helpful to other people because I'm not coming to them as like Pollyanna perfect, right? Because they're like me too. So we're just all whispering me too before you know the whispers are loud and we're all like, me too. Now let's get to work.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so what I did first and foremost is, like I said, I took all my credit cards and put it on a balance transfer card. Thankfully, before the foreclosure and things hit and my credit score would not allow me to do that. That was one. Two, I was like, I can't live here with my parents. I mean, I need to go. So I then traded my parents house for my sister's couch, which I know everyone is not able to do.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But I was fortunate enough to be able to sleep on her couch for a while. And I started to look for side hustles that were aligned with either my degree or what I had already been employed as. Because at the time when you get let go as a teacher right before the new school year, it's not like a ton of teaching jobs lined up.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because they have to have a teacher in the classroom already.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So it's not like, oh, you know, like I'm an engineer and engineering jobs are always open. So it's not like they were like, oh, Tiffany, here's a job. So I'm like a while. I wasn't sure if I was going to go back to the classroom. But in the meantime, I'm like, I can tutor. I can babysit. And so I did a lot of that to try to get a little money together. And I did something where I had to give my permission to myself that not everyone's going to be paid, Tiffany, because you don't have it. And so I had to make a list, which I call my money list of all of my expenses and look at them and say, of this money list, which one are your health and safety bills? Meaning the bills that you have to pay to maintain your health and your safety. And I was like, Verizon, it ain't you, girl.
--:-- Mel Robbins: [Laughs]
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But it's like, like I have asthma. I was like, you're gonna need that pump.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Things that I must have. And so everyone else I was scared, but when you have like, I always tell people get yourself a Linda. So Linda used to sit next to me on the couch and we would open up mail together. And so sometimes I'd be like, especially if you get like a pink or red envelope, you know, it's like so then I wouldn't open. I would slide it to Linda and she would open it. And she would read it out loud. She'd be like, OK, this one says, oh, this one's not so bad. You owe. So that helped a lot because I was never going to open those letters.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, can we stop right there? We're going to get to the five categories of taking control of your financial life in just a minute. But can we just hover for a second on this moment of opening bills?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah. You have helped two million people. Talk to me about why it is so hard to open your bills or look at your bank statement.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because there is an African saying that says fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so your fear is enhancing what's on the other side. It's rarely ever as big as you think. You know, you're like, "I know on the other side of this door, the wolf is huge. He's gnarling. He's foaming at the mouth. He's going to attack me." And meanwhile, if you actually open the door, it's like a wolf puppy that you could have handled. But the longer you wait, that wolf will eventually grow up and become the thing you're afraid of.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Thank you for saying that about paying your bills. And here's where I just want to make sure as you're listening to this conversation that you realize that this is just part of the story. Because, Tiffany, you then went from that unbelievably low moment to becoming one of the most popular financial educators and experts out there in today's world. And you've helped more than two million people who were in the position that you were in to then go on to save, manage and pay off hundreds of millions of dollars. I mean, your story alone is a testimonial to how absolutely anyone, regardless of where you are, can start today to take control of their finances.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And in that regard, you have five major categories that you're going to help us master. And you have so many tips, so many tricks, so many different mindset flips. We all need to know this stuff. We all need to take control of our finances. And that's exactly what we're going to do when we come back. So don't you dare go anywhere.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel. I'm so glad you're still here. I'm so glad that you're spending time listening to this because there's no doubt in my mind this episode is going to help you create a better life because you're learning from none other than Tiffany Aliche. Now, you've probably seen her on Netflix's *Get Smarter With Money* series. Maybe you've read her two *New York Times* bestselling books. But just know she has helped two million people who are just like you to save, manage and pay off hundreds of millions of dollars in debt. And now, you know what you and I are going to do? We are going to jump into tips and tricks that you need to know in five specific categories. And I'm so excited. I'm sitting here on this metaphorical walk, shoulder to shoulder with you. I've already confessed all of the things I've done wrong. I can't wait to learn about this. And we're going to start with one of these topics that I hate when it comes to money. This is number one of the five things you're going to help us master, Tiffany, and it is budget.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: It's in your name, Budgetnista. I hate that word budget. I hate that word budget. I feel like budget is a punishment. It's a diet. I don't want to be on a budget, Tiffany. What do I need to do? Why do we need a budget? And let's talk budget.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So I want you to think about a budget the way you think about your mom. Right. So you've got three kids. Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so if your son's like, "Mom, can I have dessert?" You'd say yes, after you have dinner. Or if your daughter says, "Mom, can I go outside to play?" Yes, when you do your homework. Or, "Mom, can we go on vacation?" Yes, if we lower the light bill. So your budget is like your mom. She's there to say yes, when, if, after. So it's really a say-yes plan, but one that's safely implemented so you can maintain the thing that you want. So you can call it a money list. That's what I usually start with because people hate that name.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I like the name money list. What does a money list mean?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: A budget.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, I love this reframe because I hear the word budget and I hear no and restriction. And you're saying no, that the budget is how you say yes to what's important to you. It's not there actually to tell me no. It's there to find the yes in the safest way possible. So for somebody hearing you say that and they're like, "But I've never made a budget or I've never stuck to one. I don't know what my budget should be." Like, where do you begin?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Step one is to write everything down. Just the words of what do I spend money on? Don't think about the month, just in general. So it's like, oh, the kids, oh, credit card, oh, grooming, going out. Just write the words. Don't think about the money, just words.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. So that's the first part. Step one.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. Then step two is now you say, these words on my money list, how much am I spending approximately monthly? Some stuff you'll know, like your mortgage or your rent. Some stuff you might not be sure. Go pull out your bank statement and see on average the last few months how much you're spending on groceries or eating out or grooming.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Electricity or water.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. Or any of those things that you don't even really think about.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, my God, I got that bill.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Exactly. So that's within a month frame on average. So that's step two.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Then step three is to write down how much you make on average every month from all of your areas. So maybe you get alimony. Maybe you get child support. Maybe you have a job. Whatever that is. How much are you making monthly? Then you add up. Step four, you add up how much you're spending monthly and subtract it from how much you're making monthly. I call that the tears and tissue step because usually people get there and they're like, "Can I have a tissue?"
--:-- Mel Robbins: And should you do this with a friend?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Should we call Linda?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. Get yourself a Linda. So when I used to do one-on-ones, we would do all that. And people would be like, "OK." And then I would literally just grab a box of tissues and just put it here because I'm like, it's about the waterworks. They added up. I remember it was a nurse. I'll never forget. I'll call her B. And I came to her house and it was a beautiful condo. And so we did that step and she started crying. And then I started crying because I'm a baby. And she was just like, "I didn't realize how much over I was spending." And she said, "As a matter of fact, I can't even afford the air conditioning. Can I turn it off?" And I was like, "Yes." So we sat with the fan on because she just turned on the air conditioning because I was coming over. So I was like, "Turn off the AC. A fan is fine."
--:-- Mel Robbins: That tears and tissue step allows you to see what do you need to do now. And so let's say you've done that, right? And you've made the money list and you see what's coming in and what's coming out, you're faced with the reality.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Tears and tissues.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And you see that you are outspending every month what's actually coming in. What is the next step?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: The next step is I want you to categorize your expenses before you get to slashing and dashing, because that's what people want to do. "I won't eat out. I'm never going to eat again. Never going to turn the lights on in this house. Get the candles." So I'm like, categorize your expenses into three categories. One, I want you to write a B next to all the bills on your list. So bills are, if you don't pay it, someone's going to come knocking on your door and say, "Where's my money?"
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So put a B next to all those things.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And give me an example. I know that sounds like a basic question, but is your mortgage a bill?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. Mortgage is a bill. Rent, car note, your credit card, student loans. So if you don't pay, you're likely to be sued. Think about that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Like when you were standing at Walmart or Sephora and you're like, "Yeah, 10% off this." And then you're like, "Oh, wait, that's a credit card." Yes. That's a bill. Got it. So a B next to all your bills.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And then, and those are really like fixed expenses. So that way you understand, right? And then I want you to put a U in front of any B that fluctuates based upon your usage.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, I love that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I call these like the U stands for usage or utility. So your student loan does not have a U. Your mortgage or rent does not have a U. But the water, electricity.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So your usage.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. The data on your phone. Yes. And so it's important to separate those two because I want you to understand the level of control you have on these expenses. And whatever is not a B or UB, everything else is a C. C stands for cash or choice, meaning that you have full choice of how you spend here. So grooming might be left over. Groceries might be left over. How much eating out with friends.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And entertainment. And so now, before you get to slashing, I want you to ask yourself, where's most of your money going? For many people, most of their money might be going to the B's and UB's. But for some people, it's actually all the C's.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So then we have to identify, do you have a don't-make-enough issue or spend-too-much issue? And so if most of your money is going to the B's and UB's, you might not make enough. So it's not about slashing because these are your bills. But if most of your money is going to your C's, your choices and your cash expenses, then you probably have a spend-too-much issue. So now we need to slash. Because I find that frugal people want to get more frugal when things are tight. I'm like, that's not the answer. Instead, I want you to put your energy into learning how to earn more if all of your money is going to your bills. Because what are we cutting? The mortgage? What are we cutting?
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's true. You know, one of the things that I worry about, and I'd be curious to hear your perspective, is that you and I both had the experience of being in college. And it's that opening week and literally at the opening registration fair, there were banks with credit card tables. You get your Snickers bar when you sign up for one and then it's free money. But I worry a lot about the fact that in today's world, particularly for people who are in their 20s and 30s, that social media has become like shopping with a click. And you and I had to leave our house to go spend money back in the day. And when I think about TikTok or Instagram, every other freaking suggested thing has a "shop now" button and stuff gets sent to your house. And have you seen a big increase, because you've been doing this for a while, in people in the spending category? That spending has gotten so easy because of social media? It's always in your face. You always see what you're missing out on. There's an influencer that has the product for free who's like, "This changed my life." Click, click, click. It's 11:30 at night. So do you see a spike in this?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Absolutely. Overconsumption is the new way. We all have so much that we don't need. I mean, even I sometimes I'm like, "Tiffany, you do not need another..." You don't even vacuum. But that one is so cool. And I'm like, this is influence from who I follow, who I love because she's so aesthetically pleasing. But the ones that were like everything in the kitchen is aesthetically pleasing. Yes, these Amazon shops so that I can click through to my Amazon thing. "I got this all for free, but I'm going to make money on you buying it." A container for the container. It's like, well, who wants to eat cereal out of a cereal box? We want to eat it out of an aesthetically pleasing glass container. Do I need an aesthetically pleasing... You don't. So it is really hard. So that's why I don't believe in leaning so heavily on discipline when it comes to financial stick-to-it-ness.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What do you believe in?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I believe automation, automation, automation. That's the new discipline. That if we can put systems and automations in place, it will help to safeguard you because you're human. So we're not here to fight against your humanness. For budgeting, for example, I do this thing where I call it budget without a budget. You go to HR, you say, "Hey, HR or payroll. I want to split my money before I get my money." And what that looks like is that most places can do this. I'm not a huge company and we're capable. There are four accounts: two checking, two savings.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wait, so everybody needs four accounts?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Ideally, give or take. I mean, it depends on where you are, but this is the ideal. Two checking, two savings. So checking one is kind of like your spending account. This is attached to your debit card. So most people have this account, but everything just gets dumped there. The second account is a checking account which is your bills account. And so I want you to separate your bill money from your spending money.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And does it cost money to have two different checking accounts with your bank?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, the good thing is if you have direct deposit into those, most banks will waive that fee. So that's why you're going to do it from payroll. I have payroll direct deposit into those accounts.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, so you at your company level.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. You basically say X percent of my paycheck is going to go into checking account number one for where my bills are.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And spending.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah. And then the other percentage.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And do you have a particular percentage in mind?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, the good thing is people ask me that all the time. I'm like, well, we don't have to guess. The money list is right there saying, "Hello. We know how much you need to put in here." It'd be kind of embarrassing to walk into HR and be like, "Could you put $1,500 in checking account one and $10?" Usually it's a form, so you don't have to tell all your business. And so you can see how that then creates an automation that helps you stay in the lane. So the key is with that checking account, the second one, you are going to call the bank and say, "I do not want a debit card."
--:-- Mel Robbins: I did not know that you could just opt out of a debit card.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: You can.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But what do I do if I need cash?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because you have your spending account. Because why are you swiping away your bill money? For the bills account.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I've never had two checking accounts.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. I'm sitting here thinking my freaking money goes right into that thing.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. So that way it keeps your bills account. This is why I say you don't need as much discipline.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I am actually going to do this. I think this is so empowering because I have had such the philosophy of just put your head down. Work, work, work, work, work. And as long as there's a balance in there, we're okay.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So I like to separate it because I'm like, I know that when I'm at Target, because it's my favorite, I'm swiping that. I know one thing: I'm not swiping my bill money because this debit card is not attached to my bills account. I put the money into the bills account. And if you have enough, you can automate your bills. And if not, you can certainly manually pay them. You could just say every two weeks, I'll sit down and manually pay my bills. I love this advice. You're so good at what you do. No wonder you've helped millions and millions and millions of people. And remember the other two savings? I want you to put those savings accounts not at your regular brick and mortar bank because they're going to pay you point zero zero zero zero zero zero.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: OK.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So where do we put our savings and why do we need two savings accounts?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, I like again, because I want you to separate so you can see. And so this is that kind of like what I said, automate, automate, automate. You don't have to be as disciplined. So savings one at a high yield savings account. Typically, these are online only banks. They pay right now currently mine four percent, a little bit more. And so you're going to have one.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now, when you said online only bank, I had a visceral reaction because I immediately thought about the dude that scammed you out of money for some reason. You know what I'm like? How do you know that an online bank is a reputable bank to put your money in?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because that's FDIC insured.
--:-- Mel Robbins: FDIC insured. But how would you know that? Because everybody can copy that little icon.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So no, because that would be against... I mean, they want to go to under the jail by the federal government. So you could honestly, a Google search, there are like...
--:-- Mel Robbins: We're also going to link everybody. You know our resources are robust. And today there will be a lot of information from the Budgetnista stuff. And Tiffany will have stuff so that you can go to her resources and understand what's reputable and what's not.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so I list a bunch. With both of my books, *Get Good with Money* and *Made Whole*, I list some of the banks that I like.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know what else I love about this approach? Because you mentioned Target and we have a huge global audience. So just think about your favorite place where you go to pick up your prescriptions or your local kind of pharmacy type store. When I walk in there, it's as if I have walked onto a game show. This was even when I had no freaking money. And it's like you walk through the doors. I'm like, "Oh, I feel like I need some hair rubber band things. And I need those little cotton things." I have that stuff in my drawers. I don't know why. There's something about the psychology of that. So in your model when you do your money list and the B's and the U's. And I walk in there and I don't have a debit card. I've only got the debit card for what I can spend.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. Because all your money is literally squirreled away someplace else. You have a savings account for emergencies. You have a savings account for goals. "I want to buy a house. I want to buy a car. I want to invest in the market." We're going to separate them because you don't want to spend your emergencies on goals. That's your emergency account is like your seatbelt, your safety belt. And so that's why you have the two savings and you let it earn interest. So if you have those four accounts, you use your money list to figure out how much money you want to place into those four accounts. Then all you have to worry about is, especially if everything's automated, the money lands, it splits before you get it. Bills pay themselves, savings is safe. And when I go swiping, it's not my savings. It's not my emergency savings. It's not my bill money. So I can rest assured without having to be so disciplined because I just set it up one time. And so it's just one of my favorite ways to budget without budgeting, the hardcore journal and diary. I'm not doing all that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes. You do it once, set it and forget it. And now it's aligned with what you want. Do you have a guideline in terms of when somebody is making their money list? We got the B's, we got the U's, we got the C's. We've now got our four different bank accounts, the two checking, the two savings. So if you followed all this advice and you kind of look at what it costs for you to pay for your life, all of the stuff that's going out and all of these categories you've just taught us about, what do you think the percentage should be? If you look at the income coming in, like what percentage is your day to day expenses?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So I would say ideally, ideally, ideally, if you can live off of 70 percent of your income, that's ideal. Like you might be at 99. That's OK. But this is what you're working toward. No more than 70 percent.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Obviously, you make more. It might be even lower. Like I think at this point I might live off of 20 or 30 percent.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: At one point I was living off of 200 percent.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: You know, but 70 percent.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Meaning you were in debt.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. Meaning you were spending way more. So this is not shame. This is just like I'm working toward this. This is what your ideal is. So 70 percent. So that would be what's in your spending account and what's in your bills account. That would equate for 70 percent because that's living off of money.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, I love that you just offered up, though, this hope, because what you just said to somebody who is in the place that you and I have both been in, which is your life costs way more than you make. And you are also dealing with a mountain of debt that there is hope for you. So if you make this money list, which is step one, your B's, your U's, your C's, and you then look at it and you're like, "Oh, I'm screwed." What Tiffany is saying to you is that the goal is to move from a negative position to a position where 70% of what's coming in covers your life.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And the other 30% goes to savings and investing. Awesome. I cannot wait to go home and make a money list. Now, there are four other topics, Tiffany, that you're going to help us master. And so I don't want you listening to us to go anywhere. You're about to learn her amazing tips to increase your credit score. You'll learn about something that Tiffany calls dreamscaping, which is a critical part of you creating a plan and finding hope and enthusiasm to take all this advice and apply it. And what I love about Tiffany's approach, and I'm sure you're loving it too, is you're going to hear her say, you don't need discipline. You just need to understand these tricks. Stay with us.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel. We are so glad that you're here. And by we, I mean me and Tiffany Aliche. She's also known as the Budgetnista. You're falling in love with her as you listen to her. She's been featured on Netflix. She's a *New York Times* bestseller. And more importantly, her genius, and you're experiencing it right now. She's helped 2 million people save, manage, and pay off hundreds of millions of dollars in debt. And here she is showing up here for you, giving you relatable, world-class strategies in the five key areas that you need to understand when it comes to taking control of money. So you and I have covered budget with Tiffany. There are four more to go. And up next, debt. What do you do when you go through the money list and what you see is a lot of debt? What are the steps?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, for debt, you have to, that's another kind of list. So I just call it honestly the debt list. We have to just get a picture of what's happening here. Who do you owe? This is what's going to go on your debt list. Who do you owe? How much do you owe? When is it due? What's the interest rate? What's the status?
--:-- Mel Robbins: I know this is where you want to have your bestie of besties. I'm thinking about my friend Jody. Jody, pull up a chair. Let's go.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Exactly. So, yeah. So you have to get it paid. This is actually sometimes can be a little harder than the money list.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, I would think so. Cause I was, as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking to myself, I haven't even done this for myself. To see like, who do I owe? What is my mortgage at right now? And how many more years is it going to be? And what is the car loan that I have? And how many more years is it? And what is the interest rate?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah. So just knowing what those things are. And like I said, don't do it alone. You can literally have a party. It could be like, we're not spending money. There's no ice cream. There's nothing. It's a potluck. You could just be like, you and a group of friends sit down and say, "We're going to do our debt list." And so just knowing where you are. So now you can start to prioritize who's getting paid and when. So I have a few methods that I really like. Let's talk about it. One, there's a snowball method. And so this is when you pay the lowest balance debt first. So you're going to look at all of your debt and line it up from lowest balance that you owe to the highest debt that you owe. And if you're someone who is emotionally charged by your debt and needs to have early success, you're going to pay the minimum to everybody else. But that lowest bill is going to get the bulk of the money that you have available. And you're going to know what that is. This is why that money list is so important. Because it's like, where am I going to get the money? Let's look at the money list. How are you making a little more right now? Are you able to spend a little less? That money that you're able to squeeze from your budget is going to go to that lowest debt. So let's just say you owe $200 to granny. And you're giving her a hundred bucks a month. So now it's like, OK, that hundred bucks a month now rolls over like a snowball. Yes, because now that debt's paid to granny. And now we go to the next one. The next debt gets its minimum, which it was already getting, but it gets that lowest debt minimum, the first one, and that extra money from your money list. So now all of a sudden it's getting like three payments in one. So you're cooking with grease now. And when that's paid off, you roll over that full amount to the third. And what's so great is as the snowball rolls down the hill, it collects snow minimums along the way. So by the time you get to the biggest debt, you have the most amount of money. But it didn't actually take any additional money out of your budget because you've collected minimums that you were already paying.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, so I'm going to try to translate that. So if your credit card bill has a minimum of $50 and you've just been paying the 50 and paying the 50, that means you're not really chipping away at the balance. So as you use this method and you get the lowest paid off, you don't have to pay that $50 anymore. And then you go to the next one. Well, you take that 50, but it goes to the next one.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Got you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so you've accumulated all these fifties. And by the time you get to the big one, you might have 200 extra dollars on top of the minimum.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. So it doesn't actually hurt your... you're not coming out of pocket anymore because you've been paying all these minimums. And so it's a great way for people who need that early success and don't want to tackle the big bill right away.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Amazing. So that's the snowball method.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: The avalanche method is when you're like, forget all that. I'm logical. I want to attack the debt with the highest interest rate, the most expensive debt first, because interest rate is the fee you pay for what you owe. So the more you owe, the more the interest rate is going to affect what you have to pay. So you're going to line your debt up from the highest interest rate to the lowest interest rate first, and you're going to attack highest interest rate debt first. So there's snowball, avalanche, and I call this the tsunami method. This is for people who really get emotionally overwhelmed and you line up your debt by how it affects you emotionally.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because let's honor the fact that some of us really need to navigate from that place. Like which debt is causing you the most stress? It's like the tsunami is coming over you. And it's like, "I have to pay my grandmother back because I feel so bad. And then next it's really my mortgage. And then next it's this bike that I bought." So with that method, you're lining up the debt from most stressful to least stressful and paying it off in that order. But either way, you're collecting the minimums amount along the way. You pay off the debt, you roll over that full payment to the next one. Pay off that debt, roll over all those payments to the next one. So that still stays the same. It's just the order that depends on what you need in order to be successful.
--:-- Mel Robbins: We must have similar grandmas because I wouldn't want to have to face my grandmother either. They're knocking on the door complaining again at the dinner table. So you have this concept that I absolutely love. That was budget that we've talked about. We've now covered debt. The third concept that you talk about is saving.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: How do you save, especially if you don't feel like you have money to save because you are just making the ends meet or not even?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And sometimes you can't. I know people don't want to say that, but I'm like, I remember when it was like I had a savings account because it was free. But that account was like, "Hello, is it me?"
--:-- Mel Robbins: It didn't have anything in it. I mean, because that's life sometimes.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I just remember, but I opened it because sometimes you do a thing not for where you are currently, but where you want to go.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: There you go.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so I opened up a savings account because they're typically free. And I said, one day I'll be able to put something in you. And so for the first year or so, when I was paying down all that credit card debt and making little money here and there, the budget was starting to do a little better. I remember I was able to save five dollars a month and I put it in there, not for the five, but five was proof. If I could do five, one day I'll do 10. If I could do 10, one day I'll do 100. If I could do 100, one day I'll do 1,000. And so it was a placeholder for that one day. But in the beginning, it's okay to acknowledge that you might have these four accounts and those two stay empty for a while.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because there's not enough money.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love that you said that because I can absolutely remember years of my life where there was a savings account attached to my checking account. I could not afford to put anything in there. It would literally be like 27 cents. You know, like that. And I made friends with the tellers. And so when you kind of get that, they penalize you for having, oh, I'll just wave that for you. No problem. But just seeing that still someday, someday, someday, someday, I will get it in there someday.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Dreamscaping.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, let's talk about dreamscaping.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What is dreamscaping?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So this is where I totally made up, as preschool teachers are apt to do. And I just thought, like, you know, landscaping, this is when you design the outside of your home to be beautiful and aesthetically pleasing. And so I'm like, well, why can't we do that with our dreams? Dreamscaping means that I think of the most beautiful, aesthetically pleasing, big, expansive life that I want to live. I was a big daydreamer when I was a kid. I was a kid in class, talks too much and daydreams. But I love daydreaming because it allows me to really go into the future and say this is what life is going to look like for me. Live there for a little bit and then bring back that feeling here. And it says, okay, this is what you need to do for that to be life.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so with dreamscaping, I identify a time in the future that I want to see. So maybe it's the December 31st version of yourself this year.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Maybe it's you five years from now, 10 years from now, whatever that is. And then I ask myself holistically, how do I want life to go? Not financially, holistically. Like, how long do I want my hair to be? Where do I want to live? What do I want to drive? What kind of foods am I into? I just imagine my full, complete life. Where have I traveled to?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: That kind of thing. So that's the second part of dreamscaping, really dreaming your full life. Then the third part is to find a guide, asking for help. So if there's someone who is living part of your dream, maybe they're on social media and you follow their social media. Do they do podcast interviews? Do they have a book that's come out? Do you know them personally? Don't do this alone. The fastest way from where you are to where you want to be usually is through someone else. So I'm literally studying, like, oh, I love the way Mel does that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Okay. So I'm going to read all the things you've written and watch all your shows and listen to all your podcasts so I can get a guide from you about what that looks like. And then fourth, I create a plan based upon what I've learned. This is where I want to be. This is what I've learned from Mel, how she got there. Let me create a plan that's focused, but flexible because I'm not you. There's this framework there, a lot of flexibility. Like, oh, well, Mel did this, but I'm going to do it like this. And so I create this plan. But as I work the plan, the last and to me, one of the most important things is to find community. It's so big for me. I started the Budgetnista because if not for Linda, where would I be? I don't care if community is one person or a thousand people or two million people. Find community and work the plan within that community. So you can have accountability. You can have people to cheer you on and a place to vent and say you're scared, and to see yourself in other people. So if you do those five things, that's the five steps to dreamscaping.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, the other piece that's powerful about that is when I look at all of your advice, it is empowering you to take your emotions out of it and to align the actions that you're taking with the kind of person that you want to become.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I love that. You ever think to yourself? So this is something I remember I learned in therapy when I was talking to my therapist. She said, like, I've never smoked. I have asthma. So I'm like, I do not want to take myself out of here. And so she said, Tiffany, do you consider yourself like a non-smoker? And I was like, no, because it doesn't even resonate because I just don't smoke. That's just not part of who I am. So I don't even associate smoker, non-smoker. I've just never anybody who smoked because I align with who I say I am. And so that should be the aim for all that we do. So it's not like, oh, am I an overspender or underspender? It's like, well, no, you just align with this. I show up. I am who I say I am. My goal is to be the person who is not worried about over or underspending. I spend in a way that's aligned with the life that I want to live. Do you see what I mean? Not attached to that label.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I do. And I feel very empowered as I'm listening to you about going and creating a money list and going and doing the debt list and just really getting a very clear picture for myself, so that I can decide in the dreamscape model, well, what is the story I tell about myself to myself in this category? Because clearly, if I wanted to get good with money, then I've got the expert right here and I follow your steps and I can easily learn it. And so can you as you're listening to this. You have this concept that I freaking love about paying yourself first. What does that mean?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So that means I want you to ask yourself four questions before you spend any money. And those questions are, do I need it? Do I love it? Do I like it? Do I want it? So need it, love it, like it, want it. And they show you that needs are most important, then your loves, then your likes, then your wants. And so when I'm spending money, those are the quadrants. I try to stay on the half of needs and loves. So a need is something you must have in order to be okay. So bills. Those are your needs.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Loves are different. Loves are something that is going to bring you joy over a year from now. And that's different for everyone. For some people, it is that haircut. For some people, it is that amazing dinner.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: For some people, it's travel. For some people, it is that dress. So there's no judgment there. Just a year from now, will this thing still generate joy for me? Deep joy are the things that we love. And then likes, which is next, are temporary joy. So that's something about six months from now. You're like, oh, it's still cute. I remember.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But a year later, you might be like, wait, where's that shirt that I had? And then wants are literally the opposite. Instant gratification.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: That's a shop now on Instagram.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So when you are spending money, I'm not here to tell myself no. So I, for example, this year in particular, I really want to go to Johannesburg. I've never been. And there's this really cute travel group. There's like 15 women and it's Johannesburg, Namibia, Botswana.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Sounds incredible.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Right. And so it's not a little bit of money, obviously, as you can imagine. And so when I was deciding whether or not to do it, I said, Tiffany, is this a need? No, it's not food, shelter, clothing, water. Is this a love? Will you remember this trip a year from now? I said, abso-freaking-lutely. And then, of course, you look at your budget. Can it allow it? So what that means is that if I don't have enough of that like or want, so what? Because if I get another stinking t-shirt from Target, what are we talking about?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, exactly.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I think everybody, even when you're struggling, even when you're struggling, I think most of us can look around whatever room we're sitting in in our apartment and be like, I have too much stuff.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Why am I? And I do think that there is this rise in shopping and consumerism because you don't have to leave your house. You do not need to leave your house. They pull up and drop it on your doorstep. And you just constantly, it's like you're at a slot machine. Pull the lever. Pull. Pull. But if you really want to pay yourself first, then you try as much as possible to stay in the need and the love category.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love that. Because that means your money is meaningfully spent. Yes. Like meaningfully. So I'm not here to tell myself no, I'm here to say yes, as much as possible, to my needs and my loves. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. What is your biggest hot take on saving money?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: My biggest hot take on saving money is there is a cap for how much you should save. You can actually over save.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. I've been an over saver where I had so much money saved because there is a point where it's like no more than a year's worth of emergency savings is necessary for savings.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You're not talking about investing. You're just talking about savings.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah, savings. Okay, great. So like, depending. My mom was a nurse before she retired. Right. So three months was enough for her. My sister's an engineer. Six months is fine. Me as an entrepreneur, I feel more comfortable with a year. But anything above that, you're actually losing money because savings is not really growing. It should be put to work. The purpose of... I want people, because people get mad about savings. They're like, I want all my money to be put to work. But every belt is not meant to be a fashion Gucci belt. Some belts are safety belts. It's not for fashion. Your car has a buckle belt in it. I'm sorry, it's not monogrammed. The intention is for safety. And that money, although it'd be nice if savings grew astronomically, that money is just for safety.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And then the excess, no more than a year, should be put to work. Absolutely. For some people, the excess is anything above three months. Some people, anything above six months. I say no more than a year. So too much savings is actually detrimental. There's the law of diminishing returns. One glass of water, so good for you. Four glasses, so great. 40, you're going to drown.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes, that's the first time I've ever heard that. And I think for those of us that have lost your money or nearly lost your house or lost, like you don't ever want to be in that. And so I probably have too much in terms of savings, but it's just sitting somewhere where the market can't affect it. The housing recession can't affect it, but it's not doing anything. And money that's not being put to work is losing. So you calling me a loser?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Let's see.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So we covered budget, debt, savings. And now let's talk about number four, which is credit. Okay. And this is a hugely popular topic with your audience, with everybody. How can you improve your credit score?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So credit, if your issue is credit, congratulations, it's the easiest thing to fix. So I want you to just, because credit is the thing that people worry about the most.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But quite honestly, it's the easiest to fix. Credit is tips and tricks.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, my God. That's it. Tips and tricks. Here we go. Give me some tips and tricks.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So first thing to understand is that there are multiple categories that affect your credit. 35% of your score is your payment history.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Right. And so, like, do you pay the people on time? Do you pay at least a minimum? Well, then 35% of your score, you're good. Handled. 30% of your score is going to be amounts owed. So get your payments down. Everybody, that would be the debt list and the money list. Okay. So if those two things alone is 65% of your score. So if you just concentrate on getting your debt down and if you automate that bills account, do you see how it all comes together?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes, I do.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah. So automate that bills account, 65% of your score is being positively affected. There are other things to consider with your score. They look at length of credit history.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Right. So length of credit history is just how long have you had access to credit and have you been using it? Now, this is important because think about like, so you said your son is 17. Is he driving? He's 18.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes, he's driving.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Right. So if your son said, oh, mom, can I borrow your car? I've never been in an accident. Interesting because you just started.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And then let's just say you have any siblings?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Do I? Yeah. I have a brother.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So your brother says, sis, can I borrow your car? I've never been in an accident. So you've got two drivers, never been in an accident. One just got their license, one that's had it for years. It's not the same. It's the same for credit. Length of credit history says, yeah, so you might not have any bad marks on your credit, but you're so inexperienced, you are a bad driver because you have not driven much.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Got it.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah, so they call it a thin file when you have hardly any credit. So no credit is bad credit.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Just like no driving experience is a bad driver.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So you have three ways that you can boost your credit score pretty quickly, like even up to 100 points.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So my favorite way is I learned this from a debt lawyer.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: He was like, because after I lost everything, my credit score. I learned the embarrassing way. I was teaching classes because I told you I was digging my way out and I'm going to teach.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: My credit score at one point was 802. So in class, I was showing people how to look up your credit score. So I look up mine thinking clearly it's still an 800. It was a 530. A room full of people. I'm looking at it and I was like, luckily it said like Tia Liche and I have a sister named Tracy. I was like, I logged into Tracy's account. Let me just say.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Can you imagine?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I was like, wait, is that a five? And they were like, I was like, anyway, let's talk about how to raise your credit. I had no idea because I'd not checked. So I was like, how do I raise this 530? Because I had an active foreclosure because I lost my house.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I had that credit card debt that was just mounting from the scam.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh my gosh.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So one of the best things to do is he said, pay off a credit card in full every month. So then I realized, so he said there's something about paying off a debt in full that makes the credit bureaus say, yay. So think about your credit score as your GPA, your grade point average. It's an average of your choices, your financial choices. Think about the credit bureaus as your teachers. They give you your grade. And think about the credit report as your transcript. It has your grade, but all the other classes and things, the real in-depth of what you've done with your financial life. And so if you want the credit bureaus, the teachers, to give you really great grades, they love to see an A every month. An A plus in credit is when you pay off a debt in full. And so if we were to go the method and look at you, line up all your debt and you look at the one with the lowest balance, paying off that lowest balance is like boop, just that one month. But we want to get an A every month.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so I like to get a credit card with zero balance or pay one off to zero balance. And then I look at my money list and say, what is my least expensive recurring payment? Is it Spotify? Is it Apple? Is it Netflix? No more than 25 bucks a month. And I say, hey, Apple or Spotify or whatever, actually don't go to the bills account like you used to. I'm going to put a credit card in the middle of that equation. And you're going to pay that every month.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So they're seeing you pay it off to zero every month. Every month, the credit bureaus are like, hey, hey, hey. And I'm like, so at the end of it's like, hey, hey, hey. Now it's a song because Spotify too.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh my God, I love that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So what I did, because I had these two cards, I did it with two cards. And so I went from a 530 to a 750 in one year, which doesn't sound like a lot because you can raise your credit.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Sounds like a lot.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Especially with an active foreclosure.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And especially if you're in that zone where you're like, I'm trying to put groceries on the table. How the hell am I going to raise my credit score? I got to get to the store and buy some chicken. I'm not worried about all this other stuff.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But you're basically saying any of those odd you can automate the payment this way and have it serve like this double duty for you.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: There you go. If you do that, that was tremendous.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Any other tips in terms of boosting credit score?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So another tip is to remember I said 35% of your score is payment history.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so one of the best ways to do it is to just automate your bills from your bills account because that's the payment history. This is only though for those people who make enough to cover your monthly bills. But it seems like so little, but not being late and just having them automatically paid, 35% of your score, which is huge. So if you do those things, like I said, credit is tips and tricks. It's actually not discipline.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, I love that. All right. Let's talk about the fifth thing we need to master, which is how do you increase your money?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So the best way to start to increase your money is where you currently work. I would be looking like, am I paid? Let's look at what Glassdoor talks about.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: But you have to keep in mind not just your role, but the size of company. I promise you the janitor at Facebook is making more than the janitor at your local high school.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So understanding the size of your company, but also, many women especially are underpaid. And so before you ask for money, create something that my sister calls the "go me" file. That's your brag book. And so whenever she does something at the company, she writes down, she said, go me. And so ideally, the "go me" things on your list are ways that you made the company money that you can quantify, or saved the company money.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: She's like, if you can't quantify it, figure out how to quantify it.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And then that way, when you go and you sit with your manager or boss and you're having your review, you're not actually asking for a raise. You're asking for a correction to salary because I made the company $100,000 last year. I saved the company $30,000. So me asking for this 2% raise, I'm undervaluing myself. Look at the value that I bring. And so starting there is a great place.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And this is really backed up by research. So especially for women and any person of color, the number one thing that will determine your ability to make more money or your ability to get a promotion is whether or not you make your contributions known.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes. And so that "go me" list is a critical habit because you're going to forget. And without that, you don't have the ability to really explain why, because I agree with you. There is a lot of advice out there, like ask your valet, look at Glassdoor, but if you can't make the case, you're just making a threat.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes. That's it. I call it, this is what I tell my mentees, I call it illustrating your Oprah. And so I like Oprah, right. If right now in this room, we said, hey, if we could gather $300,000, Oprah is going to showcase all of us on her social media, open up her Rolodex and help negotiate our deals. We would all gather that $300,000 so quickly because we know that it's worth hundreds of millions of dollars, because we know the value of Oprah is so obvious that it's just illustrated in the way she navigates. And so whenever I'm not getting paid as much as I want as a speaker or someone tries to undervalue me, I ask myself, have you illustrated your Oprah? Have you illustrated your value in such an obvious, overwhelming way that they're like, of course we will find the money?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes. And I think this is so important that we just take a minute and highlight this because the tendency is to be angry at the employer or the client that you're offering a service for that they didn't see my value. No, no, no, no, no. You didn't see your value. You didn't actually make the case and you did not present yourself or the value you provide. If you are somebody that offers a service, you are a coach, you're a real estate agent, you cut hair, you walk dogs. That is a business. Do not give that to your friends for free. Because you will start to resent them for them taking you for granted. No, you're taking yourself for granted. So people are going to ask, people are going to assume you cannot do that with yourself. But this is about you understanding your value. So in terms of somebody who's listening and they're like, okay, I can't quit my job. I advocated and they gave me a small amount, but it's not enough. You also talk a lot about, well, what else can you do? Is there side hustles? You mentioned it as part of your story. This has always been part of my story on the side as I was climbing out of debt. I will do anything. Within limit.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know what I mean? So what are some of your favorite side hustles that you recommend for folks that are like, OK, I don't need to go out on the weekend. And if I'm working my side hustle, I'm both making money and I'm not consuming and spending more money. So what are some side hustles that you like?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Well, one, I say before looking externally, ask yourself, one, do I have a degree or certification in something? Because it means that you'll get to get paid more for that thing. It's like, oh, I'm a teacher. Who doesn't want a preschool teacher babysitting? I don't have to get regular pay. I can increase my pay. And then two, what do you do at your current job so there's not this additional learning curve?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, that's huge.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Because now, unless you're starting a business, that's different. But a side hustle, if I'm just here for the money, then I'm not trying to learn anything new. I just want to be able to just do it. And so for me, tutoring and babysitting was so perfect because autopilot, I can tutor. I teach all day. When I was teaching preschool, babysitting, the kids love me. This is what I can do. And so that was a perfect side hustle for me. And so say if you were like, I don't know, maybe you work as a home health aide or something like that. Or maybe organization is something you're like, you know, I'm already helping people in their home get their things together. And I love organizing. I can do that. It's important to do the math before you jump into it, because some side hustles require a little bit of investment. So it's like, well, does this make sense? Let's just say you decide, oh, I'm going to drive Uber. Okay, so is your car insurance going to go up? Yes, gas. And so is the math going to math? You want to make sure whatever side hustle you choose that you do the math ahead of time. If you are going to invest, let's just say you're a really great baker. If you are going to invest time and energy and money into learning how to decorate cakes because you bake cakes well. But you're like, oh, I'll take the $200 decorating class because it means I can charge another 30% on the cake that I bake.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, I love that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So there has to be what I call direct return on investment. Meaning that in the beginning, when you are investing in a company or whatever you're doing, it's okay, indirect return doesn't make sense. Meaning like I'm not going to get a Mel Robbins pen in the beginning or business cards necessarily, because can I sell this pen unless I'm in a pen selling business to make money? So in the beginning, it's like, okay, I'm going to invest in maybe a cute outfit from Marshalls because I'm a speaker. And because when I show up, this will allow me to get paid more because I look really professional. So there's a direct return. If I bake cakes, I'm going to buy egg, flour, sugar, the things I make, put it together, bake the cake. So many people invest in the indirect thing, like the accoutrement, like the website, the this, the that. And it's like, you haven't made any money yet. Now you're broker than before. So just being mindful, make sure that the math makes sense, get things that are aligned with what you're already doing and what maybe you have a certificate or a degree in so you could get paid more.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, I love that. Any final parting wisdom?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I'll say this, that like we are here. Well, I don't know if you know this, Mel, but two and a half years ago, my husband passed away suddenly.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I did not know that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: From an aneurysm.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So that sucks.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And so one thing I learned from that, aside from the financial component, which is that we did, I want to say 85 to 90% of the things right. So I get to just miss him. There's not the financial ruin that so many women lose their partner and their home. So that has not been the case for me. But what I did, what my therapist calls the gift of grief, is that it gave me perspective of what's really important. All of this that you're learning today is not for money's sake. It's for meaning's sake. I hope you remember to put that first and center. What is the real thing that you're wanting? To what end? Time with family, time with friends, purpose, whatever that is. Center that and use the money to match to it because you might already have enough. I didn't know I had enough. I was like the driver, like, oh, babe, we could do this. And he'd be like, well, I like our house. You know, we could get this car if I work even harder. And he's like, well, the car's paid off. I like our car. His thing was always, because I have a stepdaughter, Alyssa, he would always be like, well, if Alyssa's good and you're good, I'm good. And it took for him passing away to make me realize that it's enough. I have enough. I spend way more time with family and friends now. All that I work toward is to just bring back to center to enough. I don't need to collect any more. I'm so happy my book made the New York Times bestsellers list. But honestly, what does that even mean? We're here for a flash in the pan. And how will you spend that time? And I hope you spend it on the things that mean the most: connectedness, love, purpose. And use your money as one of the tools to help you achieve that life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You are a gift to all of us. Thank you. Thank you for absolutely everything that you poured into us today. What's coming up for you?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I just miss him. He was a really good man. He still is.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And he's really proud of you. It sounds like he taught you something that he could not teach you when he was still here.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So much, honestly. Like, I look back and I'm just like, I mean, candidly, I said this with so many women who are looking for partnership. My husband never made over $60,000 a year. And yet the way he looked after all of us, I mean, he called my parents more than I did. He would cut my nephew's hair. When he passed away, there was a little old lady down the street who I'd never met who knocked on my door and said, I heard the gentleman here passed away. And I said yes. She said, you know, I'll really miss him. He used to rake my lawn. And I didn't even know that. But that's how he was. Sometimes I think that we think more money means that we could do more. And he was a testament that you don't need that. You can show up fully. So I just, yeah, I just, it's a lot. The loss is great, but not just mine. You know what I mean?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah. And so, I'm just so blessed to have experienced that kind of love. I was loved so, so, so well that even without him being here, that love still resonates through me and around me and the people that he touched. So just really fortunate.
--:-- Mel Robbins: We're really fortunate that we have you. Thank you for sharing that.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Thank you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You're welcome. I feel very grateful that you are now my friend.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Thank you. And the thing is, when you don't understand money, and you were going to make me cry... when you don't understand money and you're really scared about where you are, it clouds everything that's important.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Until it comes crashing in your face and you waste it. And you spend all your emotional energy in that shame.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: And you not only miss the solutions, but you're not present for your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah. Because it can... there's so much joy to be had, even if you don't have... if you don't have enough for your basic needs, obviously that's really hard. But for many people, that's actually not the case.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know that we are making ourselves sick and unhappy from a place where you actually have enough. Your kids are right here. They want to play with you. You actually have enough and your wife wants to watch a movie with you. Your parents want to see you. You actually have enough. And it's not going to be until they're gone that you're like, "I wish I would have..."
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yeah. And so, I'm fortunate that something in me... I believe in a divine power. A year and a half before Jarrell passed away, there was this sense that came over me like, "You need to spend a lot of time with your husband." He wasn't sick or anything like that. I just was working so much. My business did eight figures in a year, and I was like, "Oh." And then something was like, "Making a lot, but also taking a toll. I think you need to slow down and focus here." So I did. The last year and a half of my marriage went from good to great, and I'm so grateful that I listened to that inner thing.
--:-- So we had Friday date nights. I didn't work on Fridays, and I would stop working at five because he got off at five so we could hang out after work. I wasn't doing that before. I used to work from seven to 10 every day, regardless. So I look back at the time and I'm so grateful that he always loved me well, and I got to really love him well in that time. There's not much I regret other than I just wish he was here, obviously. But I think about our love. I think about all the things that we did together.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's beautiful.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: So yeah. It's just... yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm sorry.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Why are you apologizing?
--:-- Mel Robbins: I just don't want to bring the energy down.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: You didn't. You lifted it up.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Thank you.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: You made it way more important, honestly.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Thank you. No, thank you. So I always tell the person listening that I love you.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Okay.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Do you want to move this? [referring to microphone]
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: No, no.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I believe in your ability to change your life. So if you want to do that together... I don't know if I'm going to get through this. But in case nobody else tells you as you're listening to us, I wanted to say I love you.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: I love you. Yeah, I love you too. And we believe in your ability to change your life. Absolutely. And Tiffany just gave you all of the information and tips and tricks and strategies that you need to go do it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That work?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Okay.
--:-- Mel Robbins: All right. Great. I got to wait for my action, though.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Action.
--:-- Mel Robbins: All right. Are we good with that? Is the garbage truck done?
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: They're not done, but...
--:-- Mel Robbins: We're just going to keep going. Okay. Go for it.
--:-- [Technical adjustment]
--:-- Mel Robbins: And we'll go up a little bit more. I'm sorry. I should say back, shouldn't I? Is that good? Is that simpler? That stuff flies over my head when people start talking about that.
--:-- [Technical adjustment]
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, I'm gonna do one more. Sorry. Including.
--:-- [Technical adjustment]
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, sorry. Go up one more time.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Two million people to be exact.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Save million. Oh my Lord. Let me go back. Oh my gosh. You ever see... what is that movie? Friday? No, what is it? The one with Regina George. Oh my god, I have the worst old lady memory. They're like, "Get in, loser, we're going to the mall."
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: That's great.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I can't remember. Of course. Yes. But we're not going to the mall.
--:-- Tiffany Aliche: Yes, yes. Because we're not spending money. It's like, "Get in, loser."
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.
