--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Today, you and I are going to learn how to take better care of your brain. And maybe you've never even thought about the fact that you should take better care of your brain, or that you even can. If you really stop and think about it, why don't we? Your brain is the supercomputer that keeps you alive. It's responsible for your mental health, your happiness, your memory, your focus. It keeps your body running. It is literally in charge of everything. If your brain's not working, you're dead. Why isn't there a user manual for the most important organ in your body? You literally cannot live without it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The experts you're going to meet today say taking care of your brain—this supercomputer that runs your life—is super easy. Based on more than 200,000 brain scans, there are little hacks you can do every single day to sharpen, strengthen, and build a better and happier brain. I really want you to think about this for a second. You pay so much attention to your teeth. You brush your teeth every day. You floss. You whiten them. And how about your nails? You're constantly fussing with your nails, whether you're cutting them, filing them, you dip, you gel, you paint, you push back the cuticles, you make sure there's no gunk under them. It's kind of a daily thing to fuss with your nails.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What if building a better brain was as easy as brushing your teeth or pushing back your cuticles? Well, it is. The number one brain doctor on the planet is here to teach you a simple habit that you need to do every morning that's as fast as brushing your teeth. Isn't that cool? Sign me up. And guess what? I'm just getting started. Six world-renowned experts are here to teach you daily tricks that will help you take better care of your brain and unleash its full potential. You're going to get the simple science on improving your memory, the right foods to eat, beating procrastination, and one thing that a renowned doctor wants you to avoid to have a better brain. And what about that little voice in your head? Is there anything you can do to improve that? Of course there is. Finally, you're going to meet a Harvard-trained professor and learn a daily habit for boosting your brain's capacity for happiness. Your mind is never going to be the same. Everything you're going to learn today is as easy as brushing your teeth.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel. Thank you so much for being here with me and taking the time to listen to something that could improve your life. That is just so cool. It's an honor to be together today. If you're a new listener, I want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm so glad you're here. I'm Mel Robbins. I am excited to share this time with you. Today, you and I are talking about a topic you may have never even considered: how you should be taking care of your brain. The same way you brush your teeth or fuss with your nails, there are simple things you and I can do to make your brain better, sharper, smarter, and happier. My mission today is to make you want to take care of your brain.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll admit something to you. Until I started the Mel Robbins Podcast, I didn't think about taking care of my brain. I just thought about my brain and pictured that sort of mound of macaroni at the back of your head. After today, it will not be an afterthought. Your brain will become a daily priority because you're going to meet six world-renowned experts, including the number one brain doctor on the planet, professors from Stanford and Harvard Medical School, and researchers who are here for one reason: to empower you with simple, science-supported hacks and daily practices that will help you take care of your brain and unleash its full potential. What I love about the six experts is that they all have this incredible message of hope and empowerment with all the simple hacks they're about to teach you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The fact is, you can build a better brain. It doesn't matter how young you are or how old you may be. This is the truth. It's science. Whether you've had concussions, whether you did well in school or you didn't, whether you're a fast processor or slow processor, you can build a better brain using the simple, proven strategies you're about to learn today. The first expert I cannot wait for you to meet is Jim Kwik. Jim, like all six experts today, has appeared on the Mel Robbins Podcast. If you want to dig deeper into his advice or anything you're about to hear, just go to the show notes. You can find them at melrobbins.com/podcast.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want to give you some context for what you're about to hear from Jim. When Jim was little, they used to call him—get this—"the boy with the broken brain." They called him that due to a freak accident in elementary school in his classroom. He was standing on a chair and fell off, hitting his head on a radiator. After that accident, Jim had incredible difficulty learning, studying, memorizing, and even simply functioning in the classroom. But luckily for you, he figured out not only how to heal his brain, but Jim Kwik is now a world-renowned brain coach teaching millions of people how to have a sharper memory, better information retention, and a happier brain. Today, he is your brain coach.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want Jim, a world-renowned brain coach and the head of a very successful Brain Institute, to share with you this incredibly positive message about your brain. We're going to start here because his words are inspiring. They're based on the work he does with thousands of people every single year and extensive research. Here's Jim after I asked him this question: Jim, do you really believe absolutely anyone can improve their brain? You need to hear this.
--:-- Jim Kwik: It's been my experience coaching people every single day for the past 32 years that regardless of your age, your background, your career, your diet, your education level, your financial situation, your gender, your history, your IQ, that we all can improve. It's about advancing. It's about progressing beyond what you're currently demonstrating or what you believe is possible. We know that about one third of your brain's performance—like its memory—is predetermined by genetics and biology. But that means two thirds is in your direct control. We have more influence than we think.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The brain coach just told you that you can change your brain. So let's go to one thing everyone wants to know how to improve: your memory. Here's Jim again after I asked him, "Jim, I've tried everything. Can you tell me how the heck can I remember someone's name?"
--:-- Jim Kwik: Here's the quick method: SUAVE. Next time you're at an event and you want to remember names, look at yourself and say, "I'm going to be suave." The S: say the name right away. When somebody gives you their name, greet them back using their name because it means you get to hear it twice. Also, you don't want to have a 20-minute conversation with somebody—let's say there's a lot of background noise—and then say goodbye, Ed. You want to be corrected up front.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I like the fact that you say the name immediately because even if you say it wrong, they'll correct you and they're not going to be offended. If you say it immediately, it's just that you heard it wrong, not that you didn't remember it.
--:-- Jim Kwik: Absolutely. So you say the name, then you use it three or four times in the conversation. Then A in SUAVE: ask. This works really well for people who have unusual names or names you haven't heard before. What can you ask about a person's name? How do you say your name? How do you spell your name? Where is it from? Who were you named after? Does it mean something in another language? Everyone's favorite topic is their name. Think about it—it's probably one of the first words you heard, probably one of the first words you learned how to write. It's one of the reasons why it's as sweet as sound. Ask about a person's name, they'll be flattered, especially unusual names.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I just want to make sure that as you're listening to Jim, you picked up on the fact that he has this acronym SUAVE. SUAVE is what we're using as the tool to help us remember someone's name. You said it kind of fast, Jim, so I'm just slowing it down for those of us who may not be as quick in the super brain as you are. The S is for say it. Got that. Makes sense. Say it as soon as they say their name. U is for use it, which also makes sense because the more you use it in a sentence without being creepy, the more you're likely to remember it. A: ask about it. What does the V in SUAVE stand for?
--:-- Jim Kwik: The V in SUAVE is visualize. This is how I do it in front of audiences. If there's time on stage, I'll have 30, 40, 50 people stand up, pass around a microphone, and I'll memorize 100 names depending on how much time we have. How I do it is I visualize the person's name. Most people listening are better with faces than they are with names. You go to someone and say, "I remember your face, but I'm sorry, I forgot your name." You never go to someone and say, "I remember the opposite—I remember your name, but I forgot your face." That doesn't happen. Your visual cortex takes up more real estate, so we tend to remember what we see. If we tend to remember what we see, try seeing what we want to remember.
--:-- Jim Kwik: You meet someone for the first time and their name is Mary. Imagine for a split second that she's carrying two lambs underneath her arms. Mary had a little lamb. You meet someone named David, just hit him in the nose with a slingshot—David and Goliath. People say, "That's so childish." Who are the fastest learners? Children can learn languages, musical instruments, and they make fun of names. But that helps you to remember it. If you could see it, feel it, and hear it, you're not going to forget it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Got it. So you're hearing it, you're visualizing it, and you're making it kind of funny or ludicrous, and then you're not going to forget it.
--:-- Jim Kwik: A person's name is Mike. Imagine they jump on a table and sing on a microphone. When you say goodbye to them, you're going to remember, "Oh, that was the guy that did that. What's his name? Mike." Finally, the E in SUAVE stands for end. End the conversation saying goodbye using their name. If you could walk into a room of strangers and leave saying goodbye to every single one of them—let's say 20 people—who are they all going to remember? You. That's an absolute standout skill.
--:-- Mel Robbins: It is a standout skill. I love that end—the E in SUAVE—is you end the interaction with somebody by saying the person's name. That's a fantastic tip that makes it stick. I also love that he made it easy to remember by turning this little hack into an acronym. I'm going to be so suave. Say their name, use their name, ask a question with their name, visualize, and end with their name. You just unleashed the power of your memory and built a better brain. How suave is that? I told you it was going to be as easy as pushing back your cuticles, and I just proved it to you. Thanks, Jim Kwik.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Next up, Dr. Daniel Amen. Dr. Amen is the number one brain doctor on the planet. Let me tell you a little bit about the Mel Robbins Podcast alum. He is a double board-certified psychiatrist, a nine-time New York Times bestselling author. I don't know where he has the time to write all these books because he is also the founder and medical director of Amen Clinics, which has done nearly 200,000 brain scans on patients from 111 countries—including my own brain and my husband Chris's brain. Dr. Amen is here today to tell you the exact habits and foods that make a healthy brain. I want you to listen to his world-class advice. Here's what I asked him: Dr. Amen, what are some of the micro habits that have the biggest impact on the health of your brain?
--:-- Dr. Daniel Amen: I start every day with "Today is going to be a great day." Once you get the physical functioning of your brain healthy, you then have to program it. So I start every day directing my mind. My favorite of all the habits I do is when I go to bed at night, I say a prayer and then I go, "What went well today?" I go on a treasure hunt. I start from the very moment I woke up, looking for what was right about the day. I've done this now for seven or eight years. Even the night my dad died—it was an awful, awful day—I did it because it was my habit. The brain is lazy. It does what you nudge it to do. It really helped me, even in a really hard time. It's almost my favorite time of the day because I'm busy and great things will happen, and I'll just not really focus on it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love the idea of a treasure hunt. There's no doubt that if you make it a habit to ask yourself every single night, "What went well today?"—in fact, why not ask yourself that question as you're brushing your teeth? Why not clean your brain of all the negativity while you're cleaning your teeth of all the crap on them? It's a simple habit for a better brain. If you do it while you brush your teeth—"What went well today?"—it's as fast as cleaning them.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I also asked Dr. Amen about brain foods. He has a list of five things you should be eating for brain health. What are those five things?
--:-- Dr. Daniel Amen: They're so simple. It's almost as simple as picking out a polish for your nails.
--:-- Mel Robbins: By the way, I love that analogy because all of these things he wants you to eat are also quite colorful, like a nail polish. Here is Dr. Amen to explain the food you should eat for a better brain.
--:-- Dr. Daniel Amen: Wild salmon for the omega-3 fatty acids. Berries—blueberries, I often call them brain berries. People take blueberry extract, which has been shown to improve memory. Nuts and seeds. People who eat nuts and seeds on a regular basis have a lower incidence of depression and dementia. Leafy greens for the fiber and the magnesium. But my favorite one is raw cacao—the main ingredient in chocolate.
--:-- Dr. Daniel Amen: I want you to try this. I make brain-healthy hot chocolate virtually every day.
--:-- Mel Robbins: How do you make it?
--:-- Dr. Daniel Amen: I get raw cacao. For each serving—say the serving is like 12 ounces—a heaping teaspoon of raw cacao, unsweetened organic almond milk. You could do it with other nut milks, but I like almond milk. There's a company called Sweet Leaf that makes liquid chocolate stevia. I heat up the milk, mix in the raw cacao, put a couple of dropperfuls of chocolate stevia, and put it in a blender. It tastes amazing. I love my brain-healthy hot chocolate, and it loves me back. Whatever you eat or whatever you do, we're in a relationship with what we eat and what we do. Is it a mutually positive relationship, or is it destructive?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Salmon, berries, nuts, seeds, leafy greens, and raw cacao. Eat those for a healthy brain. I did not expect him to say hot chocolate is a brain food. Now I'm all in. This episode just keeps getting better and better. Who knew that learning about your brain and how to take care of it could also be so fun? It sure is better than going to the dentist, if you know what I mean.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let's spread the fun and share this with everyone you love. The first two people that come to mind who need to know how to take better care of their brains are my daughters. If they were to spend half the amount of time taking care of their brain like they do trying to make manicure appointments and figuring out what styles they're going to do, who knows what would happen. I'll tell you what would happen: they'd have a smarter, faster, healthier brain.
--:-- Mel Robbins: When we come back from the break, you're going to learn from a Harvard medical doctor that there is one thing you should avoid for your brain health, and you're going to learn why. A little later, you're going to learn how to stop procrastinating. Just wait, but don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins, and you and I are talking about the sexiest organ in your body—your brain—and why you need to start taking care of it. Simple things, big impact. We started by focusing on the topic of memory, and I want to stay on it because next up is a Harvard doctor on the show who unpacked the research about how alcohol impacts your brain and makes your memory worse. Her research is so compelling. When you hear her share it and you truly understand the impact alcohol has on brain function, you may feel way more motivated to stop drinking or at least cut way back.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Dr. Sarah Wakeman is the Senior Medical Director of Substance Use Disorder at Harvard's Mass General Brigham. Harvard's Mass General Brigham has been ranked as the number one research hospital in the world. She's an Associate Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School, and she is absolutely outstanding in how she explains the relationship between alcohol and your brain. I really wanted you to hear this because if you're trying to improve your memory or get mental clarity back, this is going to be a wake-up call for you. I asked her to describe how alcohol compromises your memory specifically. Here is what Dr. Wakeman said.
--:-- Dr. Sarah Wakeman: Alcohol affects all parts of the brain, including the amygdala, which is an area that lays down memory. It has complicated actions in the brain. It increases sort of more slowing-down hormones, so we think of it as a depressant because it slows you down and relaxes you. It decreases more excitatory neurotransmitters. In the short term, because your consciousness is being affected, you won't be making new memories. Over the long term, heavy alcohol use can actually cause dementia. It can cause severe memory problems. There's actually a unique condition that we only see with alcohol generally, where the part of your brain that lays down new memories gets damaged, and people get basically an amnesia syndrome where they can't make new memories. They can only remember things from the past, but they're unable to make any new memories. That's a very extreme example, but we see it in the hospital, and it's really scary when it happens.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What do you see when you look at a brain where somebody's been a heavy drinker versus somebody that's occasional or very light?
--:-- Dr. Sarah Wakeman: We actually see brain damage on people who've had chronic heavy alcohol use over many years. If you take a picture of the brain, like with a CAT scan or with an MRI, what we describe it as is volume loss. Normally, you want to see a big, healthy, robust brain. As you age and with types of dementia, one thing we see is the brain starts to shrink—the actual functional parts of the brain are smaller. We see that process accelerated with heavy alcohol use. Often, take someone who's in their 50s who really shouldn't have volume loss of their brain at that age. But if they've been using alcohol at a very heavy amount for a long time, we'll often see their brain looks like a much older brain because of that shrinking. Then there are very extreme examples like this rare memory condition where we literally see that part of the brain almost die. You can see it light up that it's been severely impacted.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That news is a little scary, right? When you really hear her explain it in medical terms, but if your heart is sinking right now for yourself or for someone you love, I do want to remind you that your brain can get better. That's the coolest thing about your brain. Every single expert you have met so far and every expert we've had on the podcast—whether they're a medical doctor or a neuroscientist—agrees that your brain adapts to positive changes. That's why it's so important for you to start taking care of your brain the same way you brush your teeth every single day. If you're sitting here feeling like, "Gosh, there's stuff I got to do," this is your sign to take a step toward that better brain today.
--:-- Mel Robbins: This information isn't just for you; it's for everybody you love. If you're tired of trying to get someone else to truly take a look at alcohol and the impact it's having on their life, just let Dr. Wakeman explain what she just explained to you. All you have to do is share this episode. It could be the wake-up call that the person you love needed. Dr. Wakeman also shared something pretty extraordinary: when you cut back or stop drinking, there is a long list of immediate health benefits you're going to feel. Check this out.
--:-- Dr. Sarah Wakeman: You'll see a lot of really quick things. You'll sleep better and feel more restored. You may lose weight. There's a lot of calories in alcohol, so if your goal is to lose weight, you're drinking a ton of liquid calories. You may find that's better. You may find that your exercise capacity goes up because you're resting more and you're not having hangovers, and you're able to exercise in a way that feels different. You may find that you're less irritable and more present for your loved ones, that your mood is actually better over time. Your skin might look better. You're less dehydrated. Your hormones are more regulated, so you may have less acne. All of those benefits you can often see in a very short time. That can be reinforcing as you decide what you want your long-term goals to look like—to really see what life is like with less or without alcohol.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I just feel better listening to Dr. Wakeman tell me all the things that are going to improve. Simply cutting back on alcohol—one thing has all that benefit. I'm in.
--:-- Mel Robbins: All right, next up, we're going to really switch gears now. In fact, you and I are going to speed it way up. Get ready to meet Professor Ferrari. Yup, I kid you not, that is his name. I'm not joking that Professor Ferrari is one of the world's leading researchers on the topic of procrastination. He is a renowned psychologist and professor of psychology at DePaul University. Once you learn the little shifts he's about to share with you, procrastination will never slow you down again. You and I are going to jump right into the interview right after I asked Dr. Ferrari, "What is procrastination?" Here's his answer.
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: Everything shows that procrastination is a maladaptive lifestyle. There's that expression: "If you want something to be done, give it to a busy person." Why? That makes no sense. Why a busy person? Because the busy person values your time and values their time and knows that there are things that have to get done. This is not an adaptive strategy.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let me stop there and say, I'm not shaming or condemning anybody who's a procrastinator. I'm going to show you how procrastination is a learned tendency. That means you can unlearn it.
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: That's how I would define it. It's irrational. It prevents you from reaching your goal. Everybody procrastinates, but not everyone is a procrastinator.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What's the difference?
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: Thank you very much. 20% of adult men and women are chronic procrastinators. As a research psychologist, those are the people I want to study. 20%. You might say, "That's all, Ferrari?" That's higher than depression, substance abuse, panic attacks, alcoholism. Yet we treat this humorously. "I procrastinate." Well, do you procrastinate on one task? Then you procrastinate. Or do you procrastinate on a variety of things? That makes you a procrastinator. 20% of men and women—no significant gender difference. 20% of people will not RSVP on time, will wait till the gauge goes on empty before they get more gas, or get the third bill before they pay it. They're going to miss your birthday, your anniversary, and Christmas, and you get the cards later if you get anything at all. They always have an excuse.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's me.
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: That's me.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now the next question is, is this genetic? Are we just human nature? Are we born this way?
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: No.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What? No?
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: We're not born procrastinating. Some people will say, "There's nothing I can do about it. That's just who I am. I'm always..." No. You learned to be a procrastinator.
--:-- Mel Robbins: From who?
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: From dads. But we'll get to you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So you learn to be a procrastinator. So you can unlearn it. That's very optimistic. That means you're not condemned this way.
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: Yes, you can teach old dogs new tricks. You just use a different bone, and it takes them longer, but you can unlearn it. If you're born that way, if that's just who you are, then let's call it a day, and it's over. There's nothing I can do with it. Unfortunately, too much of our culture is this way: "That's how they are. That's how people are." No. People can change. Let's be much more optimistic. Our culture reinforces procrastination. We don't reward doing things early. We punish for being late. If I don't pay my bills on time, I get a fine. I get an extra charge on my credit card. If you're like me and my wife, in our 39 years of marriage, we pay ahead of time all the time. I get the bill, I pay it because I just want to get rid of it. At the end of the year, do they ever come back and say, "Thank you very much. Here's a little extra gift. Here's 2%?" No. Our cultures don't reward us for doing things ahead of time. They punish us for being late.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What are the causes of procrastination?
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: Fears. I'm afraid of failure. If I never finish, I can never be judged. Let me explain what I'm talking about. If I take my time doing something, if I don't meet the deadline and I delay, then I can simply say, "You know, I didn't have enough time. I know this is not the best thing. This is as good as I can get it. But if I had more time, I would have done better." Lack of effort is not a positive image, but it's a better image than "I did it and it's a piece of garbage." If you put something together, people would rather have other people think that they lack effort—hence I procrastinate—than lack ability. Because I can't change ability. The next time, I can try harder. For a person who is really in their own way, they see themselves sabotaging.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What can somebody do in their own life after hearing this? What are the baby steps?
--:-- Dr. Joseph Ferrari: Start small. Don't think you just have to manage your time. That's not going to work for you. It's like dieting. You'll start in the beginning, but you'll give it up. Start small. This is what cognitive therapists would ask you to do. First of all, what you're doing is you're looking at the forest and you're missing that the forest is made up of trees. Don't miss the forest because you're focused on the trees. That's not the procrastinator's problem. It's the other way around. They see the forest. "Oh my God, this is a huge task. Holy cow, I can't get all of this done." And they forget that the forest is made up of trees. Listener, viewer, it's made up of trees. What if you cut down one tree at a time? Oh, that's too much for you? Then let's give me three branches. You can't do three branches? I'll take a handful of leaves. Start small. Do something. What if you fail?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Don't you just love his passion and conviction? I just wanted to take a highlighter and highlight a few things because he does move fast like a Ferrari. First of all, you were not born a procrastinator. Don't you love knowing that? Your brain can unlearn the habit of procrastination. To me, this is a very empowering message. I've seen this play out in my own life. I used to be a huge procrastinator. I had no idea what to do about it. I thought I was just stuck being that way. This is something you can change. I'm totally with Dr. Ferrari on this. It is true. You can train your brain to get things done on time. You can train yourself to chip away at it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Second, I want to make sure to really highlight this metaphor he used so that it lands for you. He was talking about the forest and the trees. Just to make sure it really sticks, this is the way I think about it. The forest is the outcome. It's the thing you want to achieve. When you think about the outcome, it's easy to get overwhelmed. That's what makes procrastination kick in. You want to think about the action. That's the singular tree. It's the "What do I need to wake up and do today?"
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I'm going to give you a couple examples because focusing on what you need to do today helps your brain beat procrastination. Here's how this works. So for example, if you want a beach body, just do arm exercises today. Do not get overwhelmed with trying to lose 30 pounds and getting cut and what's going to happen way down the line because when you look far out at the forest, the research says it kills your motivation to keep going. That's why you have to just wake up and focus on what's in front of you today, that singular tree, that singular action, and completely forget about where it's going in the bigger picture.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you want to get ahead at work, here's another example, and earn that promotion. Stop freaking out about the bigger picture—when is this going to happen? What's going on? It gets you so overwhelmed that you don't do anything, right? I want you instead to focus on the one thing you can do today. One thing you could do today: you could have a conversation with your boss about the fact that you do want to grow with the organization and ask, "What do I need to do to make that happen?" That's one tree. And that's one way to move forward instead of paralyzing yourself by looking at the bigger picture.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you want to move, here's another example. You've always dreamt of moving somewhere else. Stop thinking about what it's going to be like a year from now. Just take one action today. Research a place that you've always thought about living. And don't feel like you have to go there. Don't feel like you have to figure it all out at once. Because when you focus on the tree—the one action you're taking today—and you forget about everything else around, it helps your mind calm down. And it keeps procrastination from slowing you down. Because the key here, what you're learning from the fast Dr. Ferrari, is do not allow yourself to get overwhelmed by the bigger picture. It's when you're overwhelmed and your wheels are spinning that procrastination kicks in. Just focus on the simple action that you can take today. And that is how you can use your brain to never ever let procrastination slow you down.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Pretty cool, right? Well, I gotta take a quick break, and when we come back, we're gonna talk about training your subconscious and making your self-talk more positive. I mean, you can even change that—how cool. And you're also gonna learn an incredible little brain hack that is scientifically proven to make you happier. So stay with me.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel Robbins, and I am so glad you're still here. This is so important. Today, you and I are learning simple things that we can do, based on the research from some of the world's leading experts, to take better care of your brain. I am loving this, and we have already covered so much. You've learned how to improve your memory. You've learned what foods you can eat in order to improve the overall health and functioning of your brain. You've learned how to use your brain to beat procrastination. You've also learned about the benefit of cutting back on alcohol and the immediate health impact that it can have.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Next up, self-talk. You know that little voice in the back of your head? I mean, imagine if it were possible, just like you can brush the gunk off your teeth, that you could brush the negativity from your brain. Just imagine that. Well, our next expert says that is exactly what you can do. Dr. Paul Conti is a renowned psychiatrist that trained at Stanford and Harvard. And the way he taught us about the brain, it has stuck with me ever since I met him months ago. Dr. Conti is an expert on trauma, which is connected to the subconscious mind and your self-talk. He's the author of the bestselling book, *Trauma and the Invisible Epidemic*. In fact, Lady Gaga credits Dr. Conti with single-handedly changing her life. He is her psychiatrist.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now, Dr. Conti made a huge impression on me when he was on the Mel Robbins Podcast and spoke about how to train your brain to have better self-talk. And I want you to listen to what he has to say, because yes, improving your memory is really important. Eating the right brain food, very important. But it's going to be a whole lot easier to start doing those things to take care of yourself and following through if you feel like you're worth it. And that's where your self-talk comes in. Your self-talk is tied to motivation. It's tied to self-worth. It's tied to everything, which is why it's essential that you learn these simple daily habits that help you clean it up and make it more powerful and positive.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now, before Dr. Conti tells you how to do that, I first want to start with him explaining exactly what the voice in the back of your head is. And here's what he said.
--:-- Dr. Paul Conti: Often a sort of running dialogue or set of opinions inside of us that are in the background to our experience of life in the present. And this can make a huge difference to how we respond to life in the present, how we think about ourselves and how we think about the world around us. So there's a lot more going on inside of us than what we're taking in at the moment. Very often it paints with a broad brush, or if it's not painting with a broad brush, it'll come at the thing that is most distressing to us. So the broad brush part could be just saying, "Oh, I'm a loser," right? Or even sometimes we see ourselves in the third person, "You're a loser. You'll never make it."
--:-- Dr. Paul Conti: If it's more, if it's not so broad brush, then often it'll come at the thing that we most want. "You'll never have a better job" or "Your relationship will never be better. You'll never find anyone. You'll never reconcile with a certain family member." Whatever it may be, "You'll never be healthier. You'll never lose weight. You'll never be in better shape." Whatever it may be that this comes at us. And if you imagine—I mean, imagine that someone shadowed a person all day and just whispered in their ear the worst possible thing—we would be distraught. I mean, it's someone to follow someone around and just tell them that all day, but we can do that to ourselves. And that's not an exaggeration. What would it be like to have someone following behind doing that all day? "You're just not good enough. No one's going to want me or no one's going to want you." We're talking to ourselves and it's painting with a very, very broad brush that is really kind of striking to the core. I mean, it's hard to argue with something like that because it's so pervasive, right? So instead of arguing with it, the idea is to recognize it and reject it.
--:-- Dr. Paul Conti: How do you do that? Going through and exploring some of that when we can reflect on, get a handle on, "Wait, what is going on inside of me?" And it starts with curiosity. I think the starting place is always a curiosity about ourselves. And a lot of times, just as a person doesn't want to go look at the trauma, "Why do I want to go look at that thing that makes me nervous?" That works very strongly against our curiosity about ourselves. And if we are free to be curious about ourselves, it's not dangerous or threatening to be curious about ourselves. There's so much that we can learn. So just an example can be, "What does my self-talk like? What do I say to myself? In quiet moments, what do I say to myself if I do something wrong? What do I say to myself if I drop something? What do I say to myself if I approach a new social situation or a new challenge?" So now we start to put words to things.
--:-- Dr. Paul Conti: Yes. When we put it outside of us, it's different, which is why talking to someone can make a difference. A trusted other about, "Hey, I was thinking about, you know, I'm saying this to myself over and over. I realize it's been going on in me for years." Can we say that to someone else? Or can we write it? Writing it down, journaling can make a big difference in that way. And talking to another person can involve a therapist. So I very often will want people to understand we can change this, right? But it's going to take time. I might say, it's probably going to be in the four to six month range. We can really get our arms around this. And I want things can start improving a couple of weeks down the road. But it's a several month process. Let the person know that because so often there's just a reflex that says, "Hey, somebody threw a medicine at you, and that medicine is supposed to make you better." Let alone if it's like a couple of therapy sessions and that's supposed to make a person better. We need a rational framing for what's going on inside of us and to plot out how do we actually get to change.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, one of the things that I love about Dr. Conti is that don't you just trust him? I don't know if it's the tone of his voice or just the way he explains things, but he's so honest and realistic. And if you try this strategy once and then you don't feel good immediately, you're gonna give up. And so I think it's super important that you understand that yeah, you're gonna feel better within weeks, it'll really stick within months, but this is something that you can do every single day that's super fast and simple, that's gonna have a big impact. And that's sort of like all the advice from every single doctor and medical expert on the show today—there is this hope that's underlying all of it, that yes, you can build a better brain.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And based on what you just learned from Dr. Conti, if you truly practice this every single day, just like you brush your teeth every single day, within a few months, you can heal this pattern of negative self-talk and clean your brain, make it more positive. You know, in fact, it reminds me of our son Oakley. He's gonna kill me for telling you this, but in elementary school, he literally barely brushed his teeth. I mean, we used to beg him, "Dude, you got to brush your teeth." And his older sisters, they would tease him about it because they were like, "Dude, your teeth are like yellow and disgusting." And then all of a sudden it was like, I don't know if it was middle school or what, he just decided that it mattered to him to take care of his teeth. And all it took was a couple months of daily brushing. And all of a sudden he's got the brightest, cleanest, most beautiful choppers you've ever seen. Dr. Conti is here to say your brain works the same way. You can clean it up. You can make it brighter and more positive. And it just goes to show you that every single one of these experts has told you your brain can change. And when you change the way you talk to yourself, you clean up that self-talk, you literally open a door to an entirely new world. And I so want that for you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, Dr. Conti was far from done when we had him on the podcast. And there was something else that I really wanted you to hear. And it's all about why we have these patterns of self-sabotage. And I think you will find this metaphor that Dr. Conti and I discuss so helpful as you make it your mission to stop your negative self-talk too.
--:-- Dr. Paul Conti: We can start feeling better, doing better, emboldening ourselves just by doing small, nice things for ourselves and for other people. And it may sound trite, but it is not, right? To give a hand, say if you're in that line of the coffee shop and somebody drops something, to pick it up for them or to give them a smile, right? Or do something nicer for ourselves because we often self-punish and just walk that distance in the rain instead of putting an umbrella up. Like we do a lot of these things to ourselves where we could just in the moment just be nicer to ourselves, more considerate to ourselves and to others. And that starts empowering and emboldening us to do that, to see there's enough good in me that I can give somebody a smile, I can give somebody a helping hand, or I can even be a little nicer to myself. And it may sound small or trite, but I promise that it is not. And it's often that that gets the ball rolling towards something maybe more difficult, like looking at something that I know is on my mind a lot, but I've been scared to look at. I think we can start in simple ways, simple goodness to self and others.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes. That example of putting an umbrella up was so poignant because I think of how many times I've had an umbrella and I've just been like, "No, it's okay. I carry the umbrella. I walk a couple blocks. I pop my collar, I start to hunch down, and I take the drops." And that moment where you stop and put up the umbrella, it is important. And I keep thinking about this visual of the raindrops being like the negative beatdown. And the act of popping up the umbrella as a way to just have yourself not have to hear it. I really do love that because, you know, sometimes we'll say, "To hell with it." But like the idea, I get the umbrella out, but "to hell with it." No, no, that's actually "to hell with me." So we want to stop and think like, what am I really thinking? "To hell with me. I'm not worth getting the umbrella out."
--:-- Dr. Paul Conti: Right. And it's awareness. Like I know I'm going to stop and I'm going to do that. I'm not going to say "to hell with it," "to hell with me." I'm going to make some protection, make it just a little bit more pleasantness or anything positive for myself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I love that way of then the umbrella is shielding us from the negativity because we've had the wherewithal inside of ourselves to do something small but meaningful for ourselves.
--:-- Dr. Paul Conti: Yeah, I think that's a powerful way to move that example forward. I like that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I just love that. I want you to keep that image of an umbrella in your mind when you're training your brain to cheer you on rather than beating you down. I mean, it's so powerful and it's going to help you stay curious, like Dr. Conti suggested, as you examine those thoughts so you can let them go. And when you change your self-talk, you will be a happier person.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And on that topic, our next expert says that one of the most important things your brain can do for you is help you be happier. I mean, that is a superpower that is right in your brain that you are about to learn today. And that's why I'm so excited about this next expert. Shawn Achor is a friend. He's a *New York Times* bestselling author of *The Happiness Advantage* and *Big Potential*. His Happiness Advantage training is one of the largest and most successful positive psychology training programs in the world. And he's here today to give you the most beautiful metaphor about happiness and to let you know that there's always more happiness available to you. In fact, way more than you think. Here's Shawn Achor giving you a major reframe on how to think about happiness.
--:-- Shawn Achor: You know, we get so focused upon whether or not a glass is half full or half empty, right? And then we decide our happiness based upon that, right? Optimism or pessimism. But I've always had this idea, like this picture in my head of we're so focused on this glass being half full or half empty, but ignoring that there's a pitcher of water sitting right next to it that we could fill it up with. When we do these habits and when we care for and let other people in, we're filling up that glass and that glass does not look like it did the day before.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's great. Shawn, why don't you walk through the four habits that everybody should try for 21 days?
--:-- Shawn Achor: We get people to write down each day for two minutes, three new things that they're grateful for that have occurred over the past 24 hours. And we don't let them repeat for 21 days in a row. So that it's not what you're grateful for that matters, it's just the scanning. We also got people to go on a 15-minute brisk walk four to five times a week, which we found is the equivalent of taking an antidepressant for the first six months, with a 30% lower relapse rate back to that depressed state for the next two years. We find that if you take your hands off your keyboard for two minutes today and just watch your breath go in and out, you're training your brain to do one thing at a time. And 21 days later, not only are your accuracy rates improving by 10%, but levels of happiness rise, stress levels drop, and the cortisol levels of the people that are around you change. So their stress levels are dropping as well. So you're literally changing other people's biochemical patterns based upon your habits.
--:-- Shawn Achor: And finally, we've got people to write a two-minute positive email each day praising or thanking one new person, a different person, each day for 21 days in a row. So just thanking them for something or praising them for something, a weak, tired, or strong tie. But 21 days later, we find that it dramatically improves the greatest predictor of your long-term levels of happiness, which is your social connection score.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Boom. That's not just the happiness advantage, people. Those are the happiness actions. And I'm telling you, based on the research, you got to do it. I always say, Shawn, this is not just a listening podcast. So do those things for 21 days. And I think you will be shocked at how the needle moves. Can you just bottom line what somebody should do right now to tap into this concept of happiness and joy?
--:-- Shawn Achor: Accept where you are right now, but realize that this is not the end of the story. So I believe that change is radically possible from our genes and our environment when we change our mindset and change our behavior and we link in with other people as well. I believe that incredible change is possible too.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And what you're learning today is your brain is just waiting for you to give it a nudge in the right direction. It wants you to take care of it and feed it the right foods and help it learn new skills. That's what it's made for. And after our conversation today, you now have the tools to get started. I promised you that absolutely everything that you learned today would help you build a better, sharper, stronger, and happier brain. I truly hope that everything that you learned from these six extraordinary experts not only empowered you, but motivated you to put it to use in your own life. Because I see a bigger possibility for you. And the second you start taking better care of your brain, you'll see it too.
--:-- Mel Robbins: In case no one else tells you today, I wanted to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your power to create a better life. And what you've learned today is that a better life begins with taking better care of your brain. And after everything that you've learned, you now know exactly what to do to do that. Alrighty, I'll talk to you in a few days.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Did the light just change? No, the clouds passed and the room tone changed. So I don't know if there was anything that—it doesn't matter to me. S-U-A-V-E. Say it, use it, ask a question using their name. Visualize. [Sighs] Shit.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins and you and I are talking about the sexiest organ in your brain. And I believe in the power that you have to change your life, your brain. Hold on a second. What's happening here? Okay. Okay. Sorry. Oh, I guess I'm not happy about that. There's something in my throat. Okay.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.
