Mariska Hargitay

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Amy Poehler: Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of *Good Hang*. Very excited about our guest today, the one, the only, Mariska Hargitay. We have wanted Mariska to come by for a very long time. We're so happy that she's here, and we're going to talk about a lot of very exciting stuff. We're going to talk about her beautiful new HBO documentary, *My Mom, Jane*. We're going to talk about the fact that she's America's favorite detective. We're going to discuss what parts we would play in an all-female version of *Hamilton*. It's a great interview, and let's get started listening to it. But, oh, but before we do, guess who we have? You know, we always like to talk to somebody who knows our guest, who has a question for our guest, and we got a good one.

Amy Poehler: We got Christopher Meloni.

Amy Poehler: That's right. Detective Stabler is here. And you may know him from *Oz* and from *SVU* and from *Law & Order: Organized Crime*. Most importantly, you might know him from his star turn in *Wet Hot American Summer* where I met him. But Chris Meloni is joining us today. Chris, can you hear me?

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Christopher Meloni: How are you, friend?

Amy Poehler: I'm fantastic.

Christopher Meloni: Oh, it's so good to see you.

Amy Poehler: Thank you. Where am I talking to you from? Are you in the city?

Christopher Meloni: Do you know what the irony is? I'm staying at Mariska's place.

Amy Poehler: Get out of here. How cool.

Christopher Meloni: Yeah. And I can't show it to you because I haven't been authorized. It's super secret. It's like a layer. You know, you remember the Batmobile? It's a fence that goes down and you go into a cave and the fence goes up. It's really crazy.

Amy Poehler: Oh, you have to put your hand on a sensor and it reads your fingerprints?

Christopher Meloni: Yep. Everything.

Amy Poehler: God, this is also satisfying for listeners that you're staying at Mariska's house.

Christopher Meloni: Yeah.

Amy Poehler: Before we get to her though...

Christopher Meloni: Hello.

Amy Poehler: Hi.

Christopher Meloni: Hi.

Amy Poehler: We got to know each other on a cult classic, a film called *Wet Hot American Summer*, which some could argue you stole that movie right from under all of these sketch little shrinky dinks. You just came in.

Christopher Meloni: Thank you. That's really sweet because I just look at the whole piece as the epitome of a cult classic. In fact, when it did not do well at the box office, I remember—I'd been in the biz long enough to go, "Wah, wah. I had a great time. I thought it was great. Whatever." And then all of a sudden, over the years, you keep seeing these young people or being stopped in the street by younger people. And you're like, "Okay, am I crazy or is this a thing that's happening?" That was so exciting.

Amy Poehler: Let's talk about what you're working on. Are you shooting currently right now?

Christopher Meloni: No. I want to play the head coach of a football team in the NFL.

Amy Poehler: I mean, you definitely have a coach vibe. How do you stay so fit?

Christopher Meloni: Oh, man. Four or five days a week.

Amy Poehler: Oh, my God.

Christopher Meloni: Look, I've been working out. I calculate, and I think the longest I've not worked out is maybe two weeks. And I've been doing that for 50 years.

Amy Poehler: 50 years. That truly sounds like a nightmare.

Christopher Meloni: Yeah, it is. But now it's my drug of choice, so it's all good.

Amy Poehler: Yeah, I get it. It's a fantastic thing to invest in yourself and it feels good and it lengthens your life, but man.

Christopher Meloni: Yeah.

Amy Poehler: That's a lot of hard work.

Christopher Meloni: Well, on behalf of everyone everywhere, thank you. All the little people thank me. All the little actors in Hollywood. The frail little actors.

Amy Poehler: Now, Mariska and you, you've had to answer a million questions over the years about your relationship on the show and off the show. But it really is truly like you are family to each other. How would you describe your relationship?

Christopher Meloni: I think it was based—I think there's a strong cornerstone that is comedic based. We both are constantly in search of great comedy. We've literally tested out on each other. We used to, in between setups, we would act drunk and then critique each other. "Go ahead and guess. Nope, that's too much. No, no. Okay, there. Go ahead." I used to say, too, when I had to play drunk, the first thing I would do is I would take a big step closer to whoever I was talking to.

Amy Poehler: That's good. Spatial awareness is gone. Just one step closer.

Christopher Meloni: Because I know those people. They do this thing. And you're like, "Okay, okay."

Amy Poehler: Totally. So you and Mariska like to do bits.

Christopher Meloni: Yes. This is something that for a split second, she was talking about going out on dates a lot. And I said, "You should be dating a guy named Gerald." And why that struck us as funny, we don't know. But all of a sudden she had a phantom guy that she dated that she was really in love with, but it was difficult to manage with Gerald.

Amy Poehler: There's nothing like a fake boyfriend.

Christopher Meloni: But I mentioned, I said, "Gerald's here. But I told him to get lost because you were working." In the middle of setting up a scene. And she goes, "Gosh, Chris, you're not allowed to do that!" And she starts running out. She goes, "Gerald!" I went, "There you go." It makes no sense. It's not even particularly funny, but it's just funny to us.

Amy Poehler: I love a bit. It's the only way sometimes to get through a long day is a dumb bit.

Christopher Meloni: I'll say this because the genesis of where I drove us, your question was, what's the secret to the sauce? It's the comedy, but I would also add that there's something spiritual in it. I think that's in her nature and perhaps it's an aspect of mine that I recognize.

Amy Poehler: Do you think you knew each other in a past life?

Christopher Meloni: Oh, that's funny. I don't think in those terms, even though I feel that way. Like New York to me—when I arrived in New York, I went, "I don't even know what this thought is, but I should have been born here."

Amy Poehler: That's so funny you say that. I felt the same way when I came to New York. I thought, "Oh, right, this is the city I'm supposed to live in."

Christopher Meloni: Right. You know something? I can check this box. I'm no longer lost. That's how it felt to me.

Amy Poehler: Interesting. Speaking of spirituality, there's this idea that there are people in your life, and I can think of some for me who just, when I met them, I was like, "Oh, there you are." And they became part of my life. They're now—we're all of the age now, we're knowing and working with people for 25 years, 30 years. And suddenly it's like they're some version of a group that was supposed to come together.

Christopher Meloni: You're funny. I have the same thing. And I've never put it in those terms, but when I walk away from someone, I'll say, "That's a solid citizen." That's someone that you can build a community with. That's a solid citizen. And it makes me laugh.

Amy Poehler: Oh, I love that. "That's a solid citizen." I love that.

Amy Poehler: Okay, speaking of a very solid citizen, Mariska Hargitay is here today. I'm very excited to have her in the studio. Mariska and I have gotten a chance to see each other out in the world, but never really had a real conversation. I've seen her at the many good works that she does, and of course I'm a huge fan of her work. I've been very moved by her recent film. But there's a lot of sides to her, and I feel like you get that everyday work environment thing where you really get to know someone. So I guess, do you have a question for me today that I could ask her that you feel like she never gets asked, or that she would like to be asked about?

Christopher Meloni: She is the consummate multitasker. It's a gift that I marvel at. She's a good connector of people. She has a wide spectrum of the world as well as a very keen, incisive, mano-a-mano engagement with people. She can assess people very well and engages them always from a kind of pure heart. She's always trying to find the solution or the good. I guess a question: what is the driving force of all of these things? Did you start out, "Oh, I'm going to be an actor"? And then when did the tumblers start to drop?

Amy Poehler: I love what you're saying. Figuring out the why of things. The why of the journey. That is what curiosity is about. She seems like a very curious person, and I'm curious about her curiosity. That's what I thought made her documentary about her mom so poignant—the clarity of what the journey was. The genesis of it, her feelings, the things that needed to get resolved for her, the deeper insight.

Christopher Meloni: Oh, my God.

Amy Poehler: Oh, we lost video again.

Christopher Meloni: Hey.

Amy Poehler: No, no, hold on. Do you have me?

Christopher Meloni: We have you. Do you know why I lost you? Mariska just called me.

Amy Poehler: Amazing.

Christopher Meloni: She's like, "What are you talking about? Why won't you pick up? Are you naked?"

Amy Poehler: Do you want me to call her?

Christopher Meloni: Yeah, let's call her right now. I think she's on the way here.

Amy Poehler: Does she know you're doing this?

Christopher Meloni: No.

Amy Poehler: Amazing. Hold on a second. Don't say anything.

[Phone rings]

Mariska Hargitay: What's up, girlfriend?

Christopher Meloni: I felt so happy that you're there. I really am.

Mariska Hargitay: I'm so happy. I want you to enjoy it. Just text me or Sophie if you need to figure out how anything works.

Christopher Meloni: Okay. And was that a hint? Do you want a nudie?

Mariska Hargitay: Could I? But first of all, I'm so sorry. That's so gross about those lemons. I went through and bought a shit ton of lemons because I love having lemonade there all the time.

Christopher Meloni: Serious. Well, I saw your lemonade sign. I saw your big lemonade sign right there. Hey, where are you going? What are you doing?

Mariska Hargitay: I'm right now—I'm going to Amy Poehler's. I have to do a podcast. You know I've met her, but I don't like know her or anything. And then I'm doing that, and then I just have meetings for like—now that I'm a mogul, I have meetings.

Christopher Meloni: Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing?

Mariska Hargitay: No, I—no, I love Amy Poehler with all my heart and soul. That's all. I was just playing you. You've always loved her since day one.

Christopher Meloni: I love you more than you know.

Mariska Hargitay: Thank you so much. Ciao.

[Call ends]

Amy Poehler: When I tell you that was a lot—when I tell you that you guys should start an OnlyFans where people pay to hear you guys FaceTime, that was incredible. I got very nervous. I actually started to sweat because that was like a high school version of hearing how somebody was going to talk about me. Thank God she didn't say anything bad. What if she had said, "I have to go do this dumbass podcast"?

Christopher Meloni: Well, number one, I trusted that she didn't know that. But I love that she didn't want to offend me. I'm like, "Eh."

Amy Poehler: When you said "eh," I was like, "Mommy, are you nuts?" She just wants to play. She's the best. I love talking to you. I hope I see you soon.

Christopher Meloni: Good. I love you, Amy. Thanks, Chris. Great to see you, buddy.

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Amy Poehler: I was walking out of my apartment this morning and some very sweet lady goes, "Oh my God, my son goes to college where she went to college." And she said, "Oh, your son, he's so great." And then I don't know how my age came up and I go, "Yeah, I know. And now I'm 60." And she goes, "Don't tell anyone your age." And she's probably 70. And I go, "Why? I'm proud of it." And 60 is very hot.

Mariska Hargitay: 60 is the new hot.

Amy Poehler: 60 is hot. Yeah, it is.

Mariska Hargitay: That's why I get so happy for people that turn 60. I'm like, "Trust me, sweetie, it's all just beginning."

Amy Poehler: I know. People get really bunched up about age. I want to talk to you about it too, because I do think—I will get into it. I love talking about it.

Mariska Hargitay: Okay, because I bet you, like me, it's only getting better.

Amy Poehler: Only getting better.

Mariska Hargitay: Only getting better. I remember when I turned 40 and I thought—I used to tell people, "Oh my God, life begins at 40." Because my 20s were super hard and I really struggled. And then 30, you go, "Oh, okay. So now it's a new beginning." But then 40 is when it really kind of kicked in and I got married and had kids. And then 50, you go, "Oh, I'm in it and I know how to do it." But 60 gives you a new permission. We learn "no," but "no" with love. And we learn, "Oh, this is how much time I have left. And I'm so grateful to be alive. And I want to spend my time in the best, most useful, productive, loving, generous—but also generous to myself—way." You go, "I'm just so clear." There's a clarity to 60.

Amy Poehler: Top of Act 3.

Mariska Hargitay: Top of Act 3. That's exactly right. And bottom of Act 2 can be a little—there can be some reckoning. But top of Act 3, you're like, "All right, let's do it."

Amy Poehler: But also, you're the teacher of this to everyone. I really do think humor and comedy has saved my life. A person who can make you laugh when you're really down is like an angel.

Mariska Hargitay: It's exactly right. Those are the words out of my mouth. Sometimes I'm so—this is why I'm still married. Because my husband, sometimes I'm so upset or something's happened and I'm so scared. And I'm like, "No, no, you don't understand. I think I'm having an anxiety attack." And then I'm like, "No, Peter, something's wrong. I think something's wrong. I feel a thickness, a tightness in my chest, and I might have to go to the hospital. I can't feel my right arm, and I think I'm going to die." He immediately goes into the comedy. And as soon as I laugh, I go—because that's his test, his litmus test. "Should I be scared or not?" I'm so grateful for that.

Amy Poehler: Me too. I'm profoundly grateful for that. Even when my kids do bad things, I call them losers. And then they say, "Oh, it's not that bad if she's calling us losers." And we laugh through it.

Mariska Hargitay: I know. That kind of gentle teasing is like a love language that means you're safe, I'm safe. We will get through this.

Amy Poehler: Gentle teasing, even hard teasing.

Mariska Hargitay: Hard teasing. I learned that from Chris Meloni. He was my teacher. He played so rough and was the first person that busted balls so hard. But I did grow up with two brothers, so I was like, "Oh, is this how we do it?" And we were so rough on each other, but then it became truly our love language.

Amy Poehler: Okay, this leads me to say what I was going to say later in the interview, but I have to say now.

Mariska Hargitay: Oh, God.

Amy Poehler: We do a thing at the beginning of the interview where we ask someone to speak well behind someone's back. We kind of ask, like, we do a little Zoom with somebody. "Oh, I'm talking to Mariska today. Do you have any questions I should ask her?" So we talk to Chris. And not only do we talk to Chris, but we just talked to him 20 minutes ago.

Mariska Hargitay: Oh, my God. Look at me starting to sweat.

Amy Poehler: I'm sweating too, because he answered your phone call while we were on Zoom with him. And I wrote back and said, "Why won't you answer my FaceTime? Are you naked?" That's what I said.

Mariska Hargitay: Just answer my FaceTime because he's at my house right now.

Amy Poehler: Okay, we know. We know he's at your house.

Mariska Hargitay: Because he was talking so lovingly about you. He's going through your drawer. He's going through all of it. I'm frightened.

Amy Poehler: First of all, thank you for not saying anything bad about me. Because it was like Meloni put us both on the spot in the best way when he was like, "What are you doing?" And you're like, "I'm going to Amy Poehler's podcast." And I was like, "Oh my God." Wait, you were on the phone. You heard what I said?

Mariska Hargitay: Yes. And I said, "You love her."

Amy Poehler: Yes, you were so nice. And so while I was talking well behind someone else's back, somebody else talked well behind my back. That is so sweet. That is very healing.

Mariska Hargitay: Thank you. Is there anything better than having somebody have your back?

Amy Poehler: No, there's nothing better. There's just nothing.

Mariska Hargitay: I was talking to my sisters this morning. I'm worrying about it. It's everything to me.

Amy Poehler: Well, Meloni's got your back. And you guys have—I want to get into it because it speaks to this bigger idea of how our workplace becomes like a second home and our family. But you guys tease each other in a way that to me is what it looks like with the people I love. That's how I show my love. And people don't know you were in the ground links. Comedy first. Always. How did I end up as America's sweetheart sex cop? I should have been you. I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to be taken seriously. All I wanted to be was you. I was like, "Oh my God, listen to me." And everyone was like, "No, babe. No one's going to listen to you."

Mariska Hargitay: Oh, my God. Should we switch for a day?

Amy Poehler: My dream.

Mariska Hargitay: Okay. I'm going to try to see if we can make this happen. We'll *Freaky Friday* that shit.

Amy Poehler: Yeah, we'll *Freaky Friday* that shit. Because I would watch and I was like, "God, to have that gravitas and to play those scenes and to be able to be in charge instead of being like, doink, doink, doink."

Mariska Hargitay: And you wanted to be the doink, doink, doink. You wanted to be doink, doink, doink. Because you start—wait, how old were you when you did *Gravitas*?

Amy Poehler: God, that was many a year ago. Many of your 20s, right?

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah, 20s. And then Kathy Griffin always tells me in her book, she tells a story about how she dropped me out of it. She was holding me. She said we did the trust exercise. And then I, of course, am like, "Yes, and." And she said that I just leaned back and she dropped me. Do you remember that?

Amy Poehler: I don't. And I also think maybe that's part of what's wrong with me now.

Mariska Hargitay: When you were auditioning in the beginning, were you going out for comedic stuff?

Amy Poehler: Yes, I was. I did a lot of—I did *Seinfeld* and I did *Single Guy*. I tested for *Friends* so many times.

Mariska Hargitay: Which part do you remember?

Amy Poehler: I think it's Monica. I think so. It was so long ago. But I always thought that I would end up being on a sitcom or doing comedy. That's what I thought.

Mariska Hargitay: It was so funny. This is one of my favorite stories that you will love.

Amy Poehler: I love it.

Mariska Hargitay: So I'm in L.A., struggling actor. I was doing—I think it was after *ER*. Yeah, after *ER*. I was like, "What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" I loved *ER*, but I had a development deal with Warner DreamWorks. So I was developing a show and it was sort of like—what's the show with Calista Flockhart?

Amy Poehler: Oh, yeah, *Ally McBeal*.

Mariska Hargitay: *Ally McBeal*, where it was half drama, dramedy. And that's what I wanted to do. I was like, "I want to do drama, but it has to be funny because that's what I felt like my gifts were." So I came to New York, which I did three times a year to see theater. And then I met with the psychic. Everyone said to me, "Oh my gosh, Mariska, you have to meet with the psychic. He's amazing." So I drove out somewhere on Long Island to this man, and I went there, and he started saying all this amazing stuff to me. Stuff about my mom and stuff about a ring. My grandmother had just died, and he said there was going to be an issue with the ring, which there was. And then he looks at me and he goes—I was listening to him really intently like this. And he said to me, "Amy, you see that face you're doing right now? You see that face?" And he looked like that. I said, "Yeah." He goes, "You're going to be famous for that face. You're moving to New York and you're going to be famous for that face." And I said, "No, I live in L.A. and I'm going to be a comedian because I'm funny and I'm pretty. And that is a deadly combination. I am going to be a comedian." And he looks at me and this is my favorite moment of my life. He goes like this: "I don't give a rat's ass what you say. You're going to be famous for that face." Six months later. Oh, swear to God on my children. I got *SVU*.

Amy Poehler: Woo woo.

Mariska Hargitay: Woo woo.

Amy Poehler: Woo woo.

Mariska Hargitay: And it was one of those things where you just go—but I don't know who says "rat's ass."

Amy Poehler: Is that not the best line you ever heard?

Mariska Hargitay: Here's how I feel about psychics: I love a bossy psychic.

Amy Poehler: Yes. Because if you're insecure, I'm out. And I'm going to forget what you said anyway. I'm only going to remember the parts that came true.

Mariska Hargitay: That's right. And he said, "I don't give a rat's ass." Six months later, I was walking around doing that face going, "Where were you Tuesday night?"

Amy Poehler: Okay, so guys. God, I want to do that so bad. It's so good. I'm going to make this happen.

Mariska Hargitay: Well, let's talk about you were on *ER*. And you were incredible on that show. Can you tell me what it was like to work?

Amy Poehler: Changed my life.

Mariska Hargitay: Your performance on that show is very tender.

Amy Poehler: Thank you. I love your performance on that show. That character felt very vulnerable and very funny and very sweet and tender. What was your character's name?

Mariska Hargitay: Cynthia Hooper.

Amy Poehler: Thank you. Cynthia Hooper, working at the desk, being overwhelmed, and being in love with Dr. Mark Green, played by Anthony Edwards, and being like, "Is this the right place for me?" It was so interesting to watch that character on that show at that time because the show was about, "We're all here with a mission." And there was someone that was like, "Or maybe I shouldn't be here."

Mariska Hargitay: Very much so. It was so nuanced how you played her. I loved her.

Amy Poehler: Oh, thanks, Amy. That's so generous. What was the experience to be on that show?

Mariska Hargitay: We lived through what *ER* was. It was the pinnacle of all television. It was the greatest show on the planet, and the acting was so next level. I look back at it and I think of how that show really shaped me and those actors shaped me. How invested they were, how amazing they were. It was acting like I'd never seen, but I knew I didn't know how to do exactly what they were doing. It was a little out of my league, but I watched them so skillfully and in such a beautiful, nuanced way. I think that was when I went, "I want to do that. I want to do that. Whatever they're doing, that's so masterful and skilled." That was such a turning point in my life because enacting the truth is it's both, right? It can be so tragic, but then it's so funny. Because we panic, our heads get squeezed. We don't know how to deal with it. All we can do is laugh. It was such an integration moment. One of the greatest gifts my dad ever gave me was, "Mariska, you can learn from everyone around you." So I've always been like, if you don't know it, watch and learn, watch and learn, whether they're younger, older, anyone. So I did. And I do attribute so much of my success to those days of watching these masterful actors and going, "I want to do that."

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Amy Poehler: You have this moment, you're on that set, you're learning what kind of actor you want to be. Can you walk us through how *SVU* comes into your life? Because that show is beyond a TV show. That show is not only a cornerstone for a network, a franchise, but it's also become an iconic American experience. And you are the captain of that ship. I'm sure all of these things you are now able to reflect and kind of process and hopefully enjoy. But at the very beginning when it's not a tree yet and it's just a little tiny seedling, what's that experience? You walking in, finding out about that show, auditioning for it, meeting Dick Wolf?

Mariska Hargitay: Scary. Scary to Dick Wolf.

Amy Poehler: I'm scared of Dick Wolf. I'm sure he's so dumb.

Mariska Hargitay: You know what? Dick Wolf wasn't scary to me then because I didn't fully know who he was and what he represented. And I don't know if you've talked to Chris, but if he told you about our audition.

Amy Poehler: No.

Mariska Hargitay: The experience was pretty magical in terms of—

Amy Poehler: Okay, tell us, please.

Mariska Hargitay: In terms of—listen, I have this personality, and Chris and I, I think where we bond is that we both have that sense of humor, that sense of play, that sense of risk, that sense of "I love you, it's safe, so I'm going to beat you." You know what I mean?

Amy Poehler: Yeah. And so that's where the trust was built.

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah. And it came immediately. So I had read for *SVU*. He obviously had read for *SVU*. And so our callback was three women, three men. And we got to the audition and we were to be paired up.

Amy Poehler: Yeah, a lot of people don't know that. In auditions, sometimes you just get a dance partner and it can make or break your chance to get on the show. Period. Because it was about chemistry.

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah. So my agent said, "Oh my God, there's an amazing guy there. His name is John Slattery and he's reading for the role as well." In walks Chris Meloni and I go, "Slattery!" And he goes, "Meloni!" And so minute one, that's how it opened. That's how it opened. Because I didn't know what either one of them looked like in 1999. And he came in and I didn't know there was going to be 47 people there. So as soon as Chris comes in, I'm like, "Slattery, it's going to be me and Slattery." And he goes, "Meloni." And then Chris comes in and he's wearing no clothes. Big surprise. So he has this huge cross and I'm like, "Oh my God, you're a Christian. You're just getting it wrong." And he goes like this. [Makes a gesture] Yeah, no. And I go, "Then why do you have Jesus Christ on your arm?" He goes, "Because I admire his commitment." And I'm like, "Okay. Got it. Got it." It was such a—I was like, okay, well, there's that. I've never met anyone like you, but I like it.

So we're sitting there, and then everyone comes in, and then we got paired up. And that was the end of it. Because I knew he was going to get it. I knew that he was Elliot Stabler. I knew it. I knew it.

Amy Poehler: Wow.

Mariska Hargitay: And so the other people, I think he felt the same way. So as soon as they paired us up, we were like, "Oh, okay, partner." It was interesting. It was overwhelming, to get back to your question. It was utterly overwhelming. I loved the script, and I loved the progressive nature of the show. I loved the subject matter and the fact that they were willing to tackle it. And I loved Chris.

Amy Poehler: What's so interesting about your performance in the show and your dynamic together is you trade masculine and feminine a lot back and forth.

Mariska Hargitay: That's right.

Amy Poehler: And the dance is really interesting. In other hands, that character of Olivia Benson would feel a little one-dimensional because she would feel cut off from certain parts of herself. But what's been so interesting and what I'm sure he brings out in you and you bring out in him is the yin and yang of those people.

Mariska Hargitay: Very much so. And I changed very much when he left. But that was also done by design. As soon as I got the role, I went through a 40-hour training and became a rape crisis counselor so I could fully understand, because I was entering such a new world. I wanted to understand the cops of it, I wanted to understand victims advocates, rape crisis counselors, and sexual assault from a more holistic viewpoint. There was so much for me to learn. Once I did the 40-hour training, I went, "Oh, I am not going to play this like a hard-nosed detective woman who's trying to fit into a man's world and be masculine. I am going to be all of myself because that's where, as women, our power lives." But that's also where anyone's power is—when they have the ability for integration. To say, "I'm this and I'm this and I'm this and I'm this." What you don't want to do is be put into a box or let anyone put you in a box or put other people in a box for that matter.

And we learned very early that the show was only as good as the guest cast. So we became very—with the guest cast—we would just help everyone. That's one of the things I think I'm most proud of. When you step onto *SVU*, some people come on and they're just unbelievable and talented and they understand it. And some people, they're nervous or they struggle or they don't fully understand the character. We have like 16 safety nets in place that it's very hard to fail on our show because we got you. You're often someone's first job. Adam Scott was on here and he talked about how he did a *Law & Order* episode—I don't think it was my show and I'm really upset because I'm so obsessed with Adam Scott and all things *Severance*—and I think it was with Jerry Orbach, who I used to hear was really like, if you showed up and you knew your scene, Jerry would love you forever. If you didn't know your scene, hit the road, kid.

Amy Poehler: "What time am I out?" Yeah, like chop, chop.

Mariska Hargitay: "I got a heart of five, kid. I get it, Jerry. Jerry, there's a steak waiting for you at Morton's, you got to get out of here." Period. End of story.

Amy Poehler: But who were some people you must have seen a lot of that have come through that you thought, you saw them at the beginning of something? Is there anyone that you can—

Mariska Hargitay: Abigail Breslin. The two people that I went, "Holy, holy God," were Abigail Breslin. She was so young on the show. She kept doing this dance between takes, going some kind of dance she was doing. And then I started doing it with her and then we would just do it. It was some funny little nursery rhyme shtick. I don't know what it was, but I would just do it with her. And then they'd say "action." And I swear to God, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. She would turn one tear and start lip quiver, one tear, no acting. I remember going, "What the—are you like Meryl Streep?" I said, "Are you like Meryl Streep?" And she'd be like, "I don't know." And then she'd go back to her nursery rhyme. I was like, "Oh, there's something this kid has touched. She is so magical." Savant.

And then there was another person that I called in. I remember saying it to her: Megan Fahey. When she did the show, I was like, "Let me tell you something. I'm just going to tell you right now, you're going to be a big movie star. You're going to be a huge star." I don't like use that word because it's so like, what does that even mean? But I just recognized her talent, her light, and she was so sparkly internally, like an internal sparkle. There's just been people that have come through where you go, "Oh, wow." It's almost like an effortless, beautiful light. It's so exciting to see them go on and go, "I called it. I totally called it."

Amy Poehler: And also to your point, I'm in awe of the fact that you, in working with the material on a daily basis, then made sure that you were able to handle the material in your personal life. You knew, "Okay, I'm going to really get trained here." So I not only know what I'm talking about, but I imagine you anticipated—because I know you do get people who approach you with very personal things.

Mariska Hargitay: I do.

Amy Poehler: The subject matter of the show is the reason you started Joyful Heart, your foundation. Talk about that.

Mariska Hargitay: Well, I just felt like I can't—when I found out the statistics, which was one out of four, one out of three women in their lifetime will be sexually assaulted. One out of six men in their lifetime will be sexually assaulted. When I learned those statistics, I was like, "Stop, hold please. Why is everyone not talking about this? This is an epidemic. This is something that affects everyone." If you're at lunch with three or four women, one person has been assaulted. As soon as I started the show, everybody—because it's on television, it becomes water cooler conversation, and then it's okay to talk about. That was the power of *SVU*: you had these horrific stories, true stories, ripped from the headline stories being told. And then you had a fierce, protective father figure and a fierce, nurturing mother figure, which was Chris and I, to protect you. That's all anybody wanted.

I think a lot of it comes from the fact that there's space to be heard. Every person on this planet, all we want is to be seen, to be seen and listened to. That doesn't always happen. But when we're listened to and believed, half of the injury can go away. I know that that's how I heal—being listened to and believed. So I think the character who listens, who believes, and then feels a need to fix and protect is obviously going to create safety because that's all you want. But I also can't save the world. I'm just trying to do it. What I can do is teach people about how we begin. Teach people how we can listen and live in a more compassionate, empathetic, and kind way. Simply by listening and simply by believing and simply by saying, "I'm so sorry that happened to you," it's like tectonic plates shifting.

Amy Poehler: It gets back to what we were saying, which is it's not so much about the doing of the thing. It's just about the sitting in the feeling of the thing. There's not as much to do as you think.

Mariska Hargitay: That's exactly right. I think to go back to how we started this conversation, that is the clarity of being older and understanding. For me, it's been more about learning to be tolerant, tolerant with myself. The more tolerant I've become with myself or my own pain, the more internal space that I've had, which is why I was able to make my film.

Amy Poehler: So let's talk about your film. Chris's question to me for you is a perfect segue into the film. Chris wanted me to ask you—we were talking well behind your back, and then he took a phone call from you and then you talked well behind my back, thank God. But Chris wanted me to ask you, and it's kind of what we've been talking about today: there's a curiosity to you. You don't want to just figure out—you don't want to just be outraged about things that are wrong or not working. You want to figure out the why behind things. The why is very important to you. He was wondering, where do you think that comes from? That question made me think about your film. For people, it premiered at the Cannes Film Festival. My mom, Jane. Mariska made a beautiful documentary about learning more about herself and her mom and her entire family and all the connections there. It felt like that exercise in trying to figure out the why behind your origin story feels like it also exists in other things that you do in work and in life and in your family right now. Is there a connection there? Is it like figuring out the why?

Mariska Hargitay: It's funny. My stepmom just actually texted me yesterday. This sort of why of it all is just coming up right now in a very crystallized way, which I love when everything sort of comes together like that. I think that I've spent a lot of my life trying to make sense of things, of chaos. And I'm living a life right now that I never thought that I was capable of living. So I still am trying to put together the pieces of why and what those Jenga or Lego pieces were that helped build it. For my film, I was just trying to understand these people and their decisions. I wanted to go in with this disciplined curiosity because I had jumped to so many conclusions. I felt different my whole life, like I didn't belong. When I find out in the film, I was like, "Why? Why would he not choose me or claim me? What's wrong with me? Why would she leave me in this mess? What were the things that were set?" Like a little detective child, I was like, "This doesn't add up, this doesn't add up, this doesn't add up." I wanted to understand why. I also wanted to just have somebody be straight with me.

Amy Poehler: Mariska, it's so deep what you're saying. That little detective child then becomes in real life this powerful detective on television who is advocating for other people to get answers while she's spent the most important beginning years of her life trying to figure that out for herself.

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah. I don't think I could have made this movie before now. I had to build the infrastructure to make sure that it was solid as a rock.

Amy Poehler: One of the most beautiful things about the film is this idea that you're toggling between yesterday and today. In your present, you have such a beautiful family. You have such a wonderful partner in Peter.

Mariska Hargitay: I do.

Amy Poehler: That relationship, watching that in real time, is so moving. And also just sexy and fun. You guys are a lot of fun together. I've had the opportunity to see you together, and the way in which he can kind of joke you off of the ledge. You guys have fun with each other. You enjoy each other. You've been married for how long?

Mariska Hargitay: 21 years. And you met on *SVU*? Chris and I were so—that was what was hard for people. A lot of people said it: we were so in our own private Idaho. We would just be joking, joking. It was such intense energy between us that I think people were like, "I can't play on that level." Do you know what I mean? I can't.

Amy Poehler: I'm sure it's like that on *SNL*. People go, "Oh, shit, this is some next level shit."

Mariska Hargitay: Oh, yes.

Amy Poehler: Sometimes when I would have someone around all the comedy people and they would just be doing bits and bits and bits, I'd look over to a person's face and they'd be like, "Get me out of here."

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah, yeah. No, I can't imagine. Help me. Help me. Or also like, "I don't know how to get in there."

Amy Poehler: But Peter. Tall Peter.

Mariska Hargitay: Tall Peter.

Amy Poehler: How tall?

Mariska Hargitay: Six five.

Amy Poehler: Damn.

Mariska Hargitay: Six five. It's so crazy with Peter and I. I'll tell you something. That was another thing that my dad said to me. He goes, "Mariska, find out where you're going and then who's coming with you."

Amy Poehler: Oh, that's so good.

Mariska Hargitay: But Peter and I just—I didn't get married until I was 40. We dated for two years. Once he asked me to marry him, we got married in four months because I had to do it over hiatus. It was like, "Okay, chop, chop. We're rolling." It's been—I'm so grateful. I don't think I could have handled a marriage earlier. I don't think I'd be married. I was just too—had too much to learn. So I just went straight to the second husband.

Amy Poehler: Smart.

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah, smart. It's just good. I'm grateful that I had a little bit more life experience.

Amy Poehler: What's your communication style? How do you guys—how does it work?

Mariska Hargitay: I'll tell you something. We have a skill that I wish I could teach.

Amy Poehler: You could start a seminar right now.

Mariska Hargitay: What we do is there's tension. Somebody will say something that'll annoy me. And then there's this brilliant thing we do. I think it's brilliant because it's comedy. It always works. We do this thing where we switch roles. If I said, "Peter, you know, I'll get mad at him because he'll leave his clothes around and he leaves little messes everywhere." I'm like, "Why can't you just pick your shit up and put it? Why does it have to be in every room?" Everywhere he goes, there's messes. Just a tiny little pile.

Amy Poehler: And he's so tall that the piles must be huge.

Mariska Hargitay: Huge. That's exactly right. I'm like, "Do you see how much effort I put into having the house neat? I need the mental space for something to be organized. I have so much going on." He'll be like, "I just left it there for one second." Then he'll come in and I left a cup and he goes, "How many times have I asked you—it's really important to me if you could just—" And then he'll say exactly what I said. So what it means is he really gets it.

Amy Poehler: So he parrots back to you what you said, but from his point of view, as if it's his?

Mariska Hargitay: It's like wife appropriation. I think it's actually what they do in couple therapy, which is basically say back. But he does it as it's his. The problem now is because I'll do it to him. Sometimes I'll say the wrong word, and he's like, "I wish you'd be more thoughtful with your words" because he always says the right word, and I say the gist.

Amy Poehler: I'm a gist person, too. I'm a gist.

Mariska Hargitay: I go, "You know what I mean." And look at all this gesticulating I'm doing. So you can feel me. My energy is coming at you. And he's like, "Just take a second and maybe think about it." But all in our house, the comedy thing is we just rip on the kids.

Amy Poehler: Same. I just say, "Don't do that because if you do that, you're a hack and a loser. Is that what you want to be?"

Mariska Hargitay: Totally. And people come over and they don't know us. They're like, "Oh, shit." And I go, "Yeah." To me, that is what intimacy is. I've said this before, but politeness is for strangers and for people that we don't know.

Amy Poehler: By the way, I don't feel safe around polite. Because then I'm like, "What are you really thinking?" I promise you, I won't torture you. I won't play games with you. And please, if I go, "Do you like this?" and someone goes, "No," I go, "Great." I want to know if they don't like it.

Mariska Hargitay: We're exactly the same this way. Somebody came to me and said, "Do you like these shoes?" And I went, "Nope."

Amy Poehler: It helps with directing, doesn't it? Because you just make really fast decisions.

Mariska Hargitay: Do you know what I do on set? When I'm directing, I go, "Guys, guys, you suck." I'll say that. We'll be in the middle of a take. I say, "You guys are so bad. I don't know what just happened, but I'm embarrassed for you. Let's cut and try that again." But now they know to laugh. But they also know I'm right.

Amy Poehler: You know what I love about you, Mariska? I knew that you wouldn't do this podcast unless you wanted to.

Mariska Hargitay: I wanted to so bad.

Amy Poehler: Because I know that you don't really do things you don't want to do. Not anymore.

Mariska Hargitay: Right.

Amy Poehler: That's kind of like the reward that one gets if they're trying to stay true and they're trying to be a good person. One of the rewards, if you're paying attention, is you might get to a point where you really try to stay true to what you want to do. I get comfort in that—you're here because you want to be here, not because someone told you to be here.

Mariska Hargitay: Exactly.

Amy Poehler: Okay, but let's get into some real questions. Okay, this is rapid fire. Speaking of directness.

Mariska Hargitay: Okay. Rapid fire. Let's go.

Amy Poehler: Jalen Brunson.

Mariska Hargitay: Love.

Amy Poehler: People are so jealous of me. I know. I like it. That cutest relationship ever. How did that start?

Mariska Hargitay: He loves you. I love him. I know you guys love each other. New York Knicks, player for the New York Knicks. It's just the sweetest thing. It's just another one of those meant to be. Sometimes I don't even question things. I think Jalen was brought up on *SVU*. His dad, Rick. Every time I say that, I laugh. It sounds like I'm name-dropping Rick. Rick and I, we're like this. Rick loved *SVU*, he watched it. Jalen, I think the first time I went, they were like, "Oh, you know..." And then we connected and it was just easy and effortless. I'm a huge basketball fan. I got to meet Jalen also before he was Jalen. He's Jalen now these last three, four years, but it predates that. It's so beautiful because he's so sweet. He's such a killer and such a captain and such a leader. But he is so soft and mushy and sweet and kind. He's such a lover of his family. He's so good. I just feel so honored to be in his orbit.

Amy Poehler: It really makes you feel good.

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah.

Amy Poehler: Okay. I'm sure you've had a million strange things happen to you shooting in the streets of New York. Anything that stands out, like a moment of pretty wild New York, an "only in New York" moment?

Mariska Hargitay: Well, the old one: we're shooting and then people just come up to us while we're in the scene and start talking. And then be like, "Oh my God, I love your show!" And I'm like, "Well, that's good because we're actually shooting it right now. See that camera?" And they're like, "Oh my God, hi!" And then they keep talking. So that's one. Or there's the opposite of that, when people have said to me and Chris—Chris was there—I love this one: "I don't really get your show. I don't get you or your show." And I'm like, "Well, okay. Thank you for that in-person feedback. Doesn't speak to everyone."

Amy Poehler: And they go right up and tell you. Do you think of yourself as a New Yorker now?

Mariska Hargitay: I do.

Amy Poehler: You do?

Mariska Hargitay: I do now.

Amy Poehler: Okay. What about who should play you in the movie of your life?

Mariska Hargitay: Oh, God. That's a good one. I feel like it's—do we want—I feel like it's—there's this really good girl, I can't think of her name. I think it's Cate Blanchett.

Amy Poehler: I think Cate Blanchett plays you in the story of your life. I like it. Now you are really thinking outside the box here, sister. I want this movie to open, babe. I want this movie.

Mariska Hargitay: Cate Blanchett. I think it's—well, I'm going to go with Megan Fahey.

Amy Poehler: See how I—nice.

Mariska Hargitay: Megan Fahey is you in your 20s and 30s on *ER*, trying to figure it out. And then we cut to the—she not the same—beautiful blue eyes.

Amy Poehler: You're right.

Mariska Hargitay: Okay.

Amy Poehler: Have you always had such nice hair?

Mariska Hargitay: Yes. Yes, I have.

Amy Poehler: Your hair is incredible.

Mariska Hargitay: Well, my hair was good. I had some bad years on *SVU* when it turned red and short.

Amy Poehler: We all had bad years on TV. I did some Martha Washington stuff that was not good.

Mariska Hargitay: We've all been there. There was some stuff that was not good. That combined with bad Botox, I had some bad years.

Amy Poehler: We've all made some choices that we regret. But we're cute now. We're just tousled and loose.

Mariska Hargitay: I have so much fake hair, and I don't even want to take it out on the table. It would be horrifying. Do you know that I didn't wear fake hair today? Because I was like—

Amy Poehler: Because you were like, "Amy's not going to wear it."

Mariska Hargitay: I know. She goes, "Do you want to put in a piece?" I go, "No. Amy's just real and natural." I'm totally real. I just want to be like Amy and have 25 pieces of fake hair.

Amy Poehler: Okay. Next time I come, should I be invited back? I'm going to look like Rapunzel. I want full volume.

Mariska Hargitay: Okay.

Amy Poehler: How badly have people screwed up your name?

Mariska Hargitay: Oh, I still live with it. I had a brunch yesterday for my sister and my cousin was there. Your own cousin, I've known him since 1994. And he kept calling me Mariska. At one point I go—and then I said, "No, just let it go." Chris and my friends, when it happens—it happens on set a lot. Now, on the call sheet, it's M-A-R-I-S-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-K-A. That's how I put it on the call sheet, just so people go, "Oh, okay, got it. She's big on the H's." But he was calling me—I get called Maritza, Marcika, Markiska. Chris will call me Maritza just to confuse people.

Amy Poehler: Oh, yeah. Maritza and Marissa.

Mariska Hargitay: You know who learned it? All of America. And the world. The world learned it. But it's Mariska.

Amy Poehler: And what does it mean? What does that name mean?

Mariska Hargitay: Oh, gorgeous, talented one. Way of sunshine. Queen of—queen of straight talk. It's a nickname for Maria. It means little Maria. In Hungarian, the K-A or K-E on end of a name, it's like a little endearment. So the name is actually Maria, after my grandmother. Both of them, Hungarian and Italian.

Amy Poehler: See the film, people.

Mariska Hargitay: That's right, on HBO right now.

Amy Poehler: On HBO right now. Such a good film. Don't you kind of love that both grandmothers were also Maria?

Mariska Hargitay: Maria.

Amy Poehler: Maria. You're a *Hamilton* fan, by the way, because I was about to sing.

Mariska Hargitay: So hardcore.

Amy Poehler: Me too. Did you see it 27 times?

Mariska Hargitay: No. I win. 27.

Amy Poehler: 27?

Mariska Hargitay: 27. And by the way, my claim to fame—when people say, "When did you know you were famous?" I go, "When I would call *Hamilton* or just show up at the theater and they'd bring a chair and put it in the audience." I'd be like, "What?"

Amy Poehler: You earned that. You earned that.

Mariska Hargitay: I've made it. I don't even have to have a ticket. You know how much those tickets were?

Amy Poehler: No.

Mariska Hargitay: They were like, "Let's get Mariska her chair. Just get her her chair." I was like the old woman. I didn't even mind.

Amy Poehler: You went by yourself.

Mariska Hargitay: And I'm going in with a cane. That is 27 times. I just had this great actor on *SVU* last episode, and he's now in the show. He was like, "Oh, I hope you come." And I go, "Oh, I'll be there." So it's even a thing where the new cast members want me to come see you.

Amy Poehler: Have you ever done Broadway?

Mariska Hargitay: Broadway? Yes. That's how you're supposed to say it.

Amy Poehler: Well, thank you. Broadway. That's how they used to say it.

Mariska Hargitay: No, I want to do Broadway. I want to be in an all-woman *Hamilton*.

Amy Poehler: Fuck. Right? You and me with straight talk? Who would we do? Wait a minute, we would be Aaron Burr and Hamilton. Who's who? Let's take a minute. Let's go slow.

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah, thank you. Slow it all down right now.

Amy Poehler: Who's who?

Mariska Hargitay: Aaron Burr, because—

Amy Poehler: I think I might be Aaron Burr.

Mariska Hargitay: That's what I was going to say.

Amy Poehler: You swear?

Mariska Hargitay: Yes. And not just because I want to be Hamilton. I want you to be Hamilton. I think you are Aaron Burr. I feel like I could get the rage. I think you have a gravitas that Aaron Burr needs. And I think I have an energy.

Amy Poehler: I know all the lines, though. Do you?

Mariska Hargitay: I don't know all the lines. Maybe you should do both. But you just do there, and then you lip sync to me on the stage. The only problem is one thing: I can't sing.

Amy Poehler: You can't sing.

Mariska Hargitay: No, but maybe we do it like in top speed.

Amy Poehler: Well, God is fair, Mariska. You can't sing. One thing you can't do, babe.

Mariska Hargitay: We can't sing. One thing you can't sing.

Amy Poehler: Oh, that's funny. Ask me more questions.

Mariska Hargitay: Okay, okay.

Amy Poehler: Okay, what's making you laugh these days? What do you like? What do you listen to, read, to lighten up, to laugh?

Mariska Hargitay: Nate Bargatze.

Amy Poehler: Oh, love Nate. He's my fave. He's so funny. I don't even understand what he's doing. Let's break him down because I love him.

Mariska Hargitay: Well, he's mastered this kind of slow guy that's a genius. That's the shtick. It's his rhythm. He's kind of slow and dumb, but he's smarter than everyone.

Amy Poehler: Yes. I love him so much.

Mariska Hargitay: Can I tell you why also I love him? I was in L.A. I didn't know who he was. I was with my friend. She said, "I think that's Nate Bargatze." I said, "Who's Nate Bargatze?" And he goes, "That's August's favorite comedian." So I went up to him and I go, "Are you Nate Bargatze?" Hoping I'm saying it right. He was like, "We're shooting right now." He goes, "Yeah, I am." And I go, "Well, my son loves you. Can we call him?"

Amy Poehler: Mariska, you did not.

Mariska Hargitay: No, I swear to you. I swear to you I did. And you know why I did it? Because do you know how many people do that to me? And I thought that I had good karma. I had good call karma. And you know what he said?

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah. And so we called him.

Amy Poehler: And I'm like, oh, God. You did not.

Mariska Hargitay: Poor guy. And he's like, "Hey, man."

Amy Poehler: I love him. Love him. He's so funny. Do you watch a lot of stand-up? Do you like to go to see stand-up?

Mariska Hargitay: I love good comedy. It's my happy place. That is my happy place.

Amy Poehler: August, that's what we love.

Mariska Hargitay: But I'm also critical.

Amy Poehler: Yeah. Because they're not funny.

Mariska Hargitay: Yeah. And I don't know who I have to judge.

Amy Poehler: You can judge as much as you want.

Mariska Hargitay: Just what I like. I feel like comedy is like music.

Amy Poehler: Yeah, that's true. You just like who you like.

Mariska Hargitay: You like what you like. You like their song, whatever it is. I love it. And I love Nate. And I love — you know what I listen to late at night before I go to bed? I don't know why I love it so much. It's that Jim Carrey bit doing Vanilla Ice.

Amy Poehler: Hold on. Okay, it's an *In Living Color* sketch. This is it. And he's dancing?

Mariska Hargitay: Watch, just listen to this. He really looks like him. He kicks his shoe off. Just watch. [Pause] Is that not the best thing?

Amy Poehler: This was so fun.

Mariska Hargitay: I know, but can you imagine how excited — because I said I used to see you around.

Amy Poehler: Well, we —

Mariska Hargitay: And I don't even — I don't see you anymore. And I remember.

Amy Poehler: What do you remember?

Mariska Hargitay: Just that you're good and sparkly and beautiful and kind and you bring joy.

Amy Poehler: Thanks, Mariska.

Mariska Hargitay: And Chris doesn't like anyone.

Amy Poehler: Yeah.

Mariska Hargitay: He really is a very judicious guy. And he loves his family. He loves his kids. And he has like three friends. He likes me.

Amy Poehler: Yeah.

Mariska Hargitay: And that's pretty much it. And I just remembered, like, he just loved you.

Amy Poehler: Oh, that's nice. That's very nice to say. I was so funny that I called him today.

Mariska Hargitay: Okay, Mariska, you're the best. This was so fun.

Amy Poehler: I told you. She's like, "Are you ready?" I was like, "Sweetheart, I'm born ready."

Mariska Hargitay: Thank you so much, Mariska. That was so fun. That was such a good hang.

Amy Poehler: And, you know, in this polar plunge, I just want to take a second to say, let's picture a world in which Cate Blanchett plays Mariska Hargitay in a movie of her life story, because I would watch it. And if there are any producers or financiers listening who want to partner up with me on that — and Cate, if someone can get this message to Cate — I think that would be a great project.

Mariska Hargitay: And I've been asked before, if your life was a movie, who would you want to play you? And my answer is very simple. And that is Meryl Streep. I want the best. And I can't guarantee the movie will be good or interesting in any way. Honestly, it'll probably be a flop, but Meryl at the helm, it's going to be a good performance.

Amy Poehler: So Meryl, Cate — and Meryl, I'm assuming you're together — please, please call us at 1-800-Good-Hang. The movie hashtag Mariska Hargitay's movie hashtag slash life rights, and we'll get this going. Okay, sorry, I've lost the plot. Okay, bye. Thanks for listening. Bye.

[Music fades in]

Amy Poehler: You've been listening to *Good Hang*. The executive producers for this show are Bill Simmons, Jenna Weiss-Berman, and me, Amy Poehler. The show is produced by The Ringer and Paper Kite. For The Ringer, production by Jack Wilson, Kat Spillane, Kaya McMullen, and Aleya Zenieris. For Paper Kite, production by Sam Green, Joel Lovell, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Original music by Amy Miles.

[Music continues]

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