Side Stories: One Story After Another

Henry Zebrowski: There's no place to escape to. This is the last. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

Ed Larson: Alright guys, we are... Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling.

Ed Larson: Break stuff! Break stuff! Break it! Break the stuff! Break the stuff. Break the stuff.

Henry Zebrowski: Eddie, how is your 31 for 31 treating you?

Ed Larson: Oh, you know, it's fine. I think a lot of these movies I put on there for nostalgia's sake.

Henry Zebrowski: Same.

Ed Larson: And they don't hold up. But the key here is with Halloween movies is that they don't have to be the scariest movies. They don't have to be the best. I'm okay with it being bad, honestly. It's Halloween.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: And it's about celebrating Halloween each time you watch one. That is the one thing about horror movies is I can watch a really bad one and just be like, "Oh, okay, I feel good about that."

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I don't get offended at the end of it. But there are some of these movies as I'm now 44 as of this weekend. First of all, give a big old congratulations to Ed Larson for not eating himself to death.

Ed Larson: He did it. He did it. He beat food. I am as old as Himmler was.

Henry Zebrowski: Wow. Congrats.

Ed Larson: When he was executed. Congrats. Today's Himmler's birthday.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, today is Himmler's birthday. Happy birthday. I'm so happy I don't have the same birthday as Himmler. It was close. Real close. Your mommy was really watching that clock.

Ed Larson: Yeah, she was. I don't think I would. If I were to cook two more days, who knows how big I'd be.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, wow. Yeah. Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

Ed Larson: Yes. So I've watched seven movies. He's my almost birthday twin with Heinrich Himmler.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, yes. Almost, almost, almost. Know who I got? I got another war criminal, Chester A. Arthur.

Ed Larson: Oh.

Henry Zebrowski: Fuck him. 21st president, you piece of crap. I guess he's fine, maybe. I don't know. I don't know anything about him, to be honest with you. I just like a president whose first name rhymes with Brester.

Ed Larson: Yes. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Where my dudes at? Yeah, baby. All right. Yeah. Brester. Hey, Arthur. But yeah, I watched *The Gate* because I wanted to, you know, Rob really likes *The Gate* and I talk shit on it. And I'm like, all right, maybe I should watch it again.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, you did that.

Ed Larson: It was slightly better than I remember, but still was not good. It's for children. It's for children. It's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the demons look cool. I would like to have one of those little demons in my house.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, you do. I think that would be, yes, Tootsie. If I shaved Tootsie, she would look like that. She's got the horn on her head and everything. I watched *The Strangers*.

Ed Larson: Kaka. The thing about *The Strangers*, I watched *The Strangers* as well. 2008 *Strangers*.

Henry Zebrowski: For those of you that don't know, we have put together a very intense rubric for our 31 for 31, provided to me by Jackie Zabrowski. I think next year we go back to our old ways.

Ed Larson: I feel like there's a good mixture. I like putting a whole series in there.

Henry Zebrowski: Me too. I actually really do too. But I feel like this was a good exercise as a way to spread it around, how to pick different styles of horror movies that we generally wouldn't see. Because to me, I have to force myself to watch old horror movies. Because I have to remember...

Ed Larson: What do you consider old? 70s and before?

Henry Zebrowski: No, I actually consider... I'm talking like 60s, 50s. Like Hammer, that style of movie. I've watched very little. If it's an afternoon, I'm in. That's my favorite way to do it. But if it's at night, I can't do it. That's the problem. I think literally after 39, the year of age, is that if a black and white movie is on after 8:30 p.m., I'm asleep. I sleep. I sleep. I can't even, because again, it's not that gripping.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Even if it's like pie, I'm asleep. I need to see tits. I need to see blood. I need to see brains. I need to see, like, in order to keep me engaged past a certain tired point, I need action. Some fun.

Ed Larson: Only one of my movies had tits.

Henry Zebrowski: Which one?

Ed Larson: *Sleepaway Camp 2*. Lots of tits. Did you watch *Sleepaway Camp 2*?

Henry Zebrowski: I did. I watched *Sleepaway Camp 2* last night. I made Julie watch it. That was one of the movies I loved as a child. Scared the shit out of me as a child. Really bad.

Ed Larson: Hey, it's a slasher film. It's really bad. It's not even a slasher film.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I guess it's not. You don't even really see the killings that often. They like replay everything. It's spoilers, by the way, for this stuff, I guess. That movie's from 1980s. Pamela Springsteen, Bruce Springsteen's sister. Know what I kept thinking about?

Ed Larson: What do you mean?

Henry Zebrowski: *Sleepaway Camp 2* and *Sleepaway Camp 3* is starring Pamela Springsteen, Bruce Springsteen's sister.

Ed Larson: Really? Who later became a photographer and shot a bunch of Bruce's album covers, like *Human Touch*. She took the photograph.

Henry Zebrowski: No way.

Ed Larson: She was in *Fast Times at Ridgemont High*.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes, she almost married Sean Penn after making that movie.

Ed Larson: Oh, and then he really must have messed that up.

Henry Zebrowski: He's Sean Penned her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing was, I'm watching *Sleepaway Camp 2*, and the whole time I'm just thinking, you know she got Bruce to the premiere.

Ed Larson: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: And I'm just picturing Bruce squirming at the premiere watching this. "I gotta get out of here. I'm watching my naked sister. I gotta get the fuck out of here. How do I allow myself to do this? I'm the king of New Jersey. I shouldn't be here."

Ed Larson: Yeah, yeah, she's Pamela Springsteen.

Henry Zebrowski: My opening salvo, my opening movie of 31 for 31 was *Halloween 3*. I watched that. Which, again, the reason why I watched it is that it specifically does not involve Mike Myers.

Ed Larson: No, it doesn't.

Henry Zebrowski: And I'm kind of disappointed in us because he's my favorite of the guys. But we have other things in there. That's why it all goes around. Last year, I had a Halloween heavy year. This one was good to see, *Halloween 3*. Again, it's not fantastic, but the stuff within it is great. And, oh, my God, what's his name? The lead guy from *Halloween 3*. It's like Atkins or whatever.

Ed Larson: Is it Don Atkins? Tim Atkins. Tom Atkins. Tom Atkins gets so much pussy in every movie he's in. There's some side mood in there. There's something about Tom Atkins that they put him in films. There was like, men just used to be handsome to women in a different way.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Tom Atkins, for some reason, every woman in *Halloween 3* loved him. Desperately wants to have sex with him. And it's the, and I feel like that's common for all of his films. And I don't know if it's just like, mustaches used to do a lot more work for us. 70s, 80s, you know, you wanted to look like an old man to get laid. There was something about it.

Ed Larson: Also, I think if you really want to break down what it is about it, is it's poor casting and that poor girl who had to kiss this old man.

Henry Zebrowski: No, Eddie. No, Eddie. It's all reality. Tom Atkins is absolutely Lothario. There's no way he smells like old cigarettes. Also, that movie, pretty anti-Irish. It's pretty anti-Irish. They're like, we hate the Salman thing. Salman has the traditional roots. They kill the children.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, the traditional roots for what we know as Halloween does come from Ireland. And it comes from this whole, like, Druid, etc. And it's kind of distinctly more American. Like, we've taken Halloween to a way farther extent than they do in Europe and than when they do in other countries.

Ed Larson: Yeah, because they don't have candy in Ireland. They don't allow it.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. No, they don't allow it because they consider it Catholic.

Ed Larson: Yeah. I will say, so I watched *Body Bags*.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, God, if you're going to watch *Body Bags* rent it, don't watch it on Peacock. The sound was off.

Ed Larson: Yeah, Peacock's got bad transfer. Something happened, and I feel like I'm the only person who has pressed play on *Body Bags*. But the sync is off. And I feel like no one has reported it.

Henry Zebrowski: Truly, dude. We are spoiled by Criterion app. We're spoiled.

Ed Larson: Oh, I'm so mad that we made this list before we found out what horror movies are going to be on Criterion. There's so many good horror movies I have to not press play on.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, they're too artistic. That's what I want. I know. Those are the really, really good ones, but this is Halloween, which celebrates the other side of it. You put *Blood Diner* on the list.

Ed Larson: Yes, I can't wait. I have that on DVD, though. I just watched it.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: And it's interesting.

Henry Zebrowski: Is it not good?

Ed Larson: Well, it's very funny. It's very, very funny. The best part about *Blood Diner* is it's directed by a woman.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh.

Ed Larson: And she has, I believe her name is Jen. What's her name right there? You got it right there, Rob. Jackie Kong?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, Jackie Kong. She did this like, yeah. It's an Asian woman that made an extremely offensive, ridiculous film.

Ed Larson: Okay.

Henry Zebrowski: It's a really amazing. Apparently, yeah, she knew Marlon Brando growing up.

Ed Larson: Cool.

Henry Zebrowski: She was like all this kind of stuff. Made a bunch of like weird slapstick movies. *Queen Kong*. She made *Blood Diner*. She made, what was the other one? Yeah, *Night Patrol* was a weird one. And *The Being* is also not bad. *The Being* is not bad.

Ed Larson: All right. Well, I'm very excited because someone ripped me a copy of *Blood Diner* like 15 years ago. And I've still I've held on to it and never watched it.

Henry Zebrowski: It's not a good film.

Ed Larson: But it's fun.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes.

Ed Larson: But I haven't seen that yet. So here's what I have seen. *Sinister*. I give it a B.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Honestly, I rewatched *Sinister* with new eyes. And I actually liked it a lot better this time than when I saw it in the theater. I feel like they didn't close it out well.

Ed Larson: Well, all movies have a hard time closing it.

Henry Zebrowski: The first half scared the shit out of me, to be honest with you. And also that character, the sinister character guy, does feel like sort of a dry run for what they ended up doing with Blackpaw. Magool! Magool!

Ed Larson: Yeah, Magool. Yeah, Magool. I kept doing it to that later. Be careful. Here comes Magool. Don't bend over.

Henry Zebrowski: Inspired by *The Ring*, kind of.

Ed Larson: Oh, I can see that. Yeah, sure.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, Cargill talked to me. Yeah, that was a, he's a guy, C. Robert Cargill was a guy that did a lot of comic books and stuff. It's also a funny, he was funny on Twitter back in the day. But I will say, of the seven movies I watched, the only one I actually really liked was *Night of the Living Dead*, 1990, Tom Savini's.

Ed Larson: I love that one. I actually really, I didn't think I was going to like it. And then it was pretty, it was almost shot for shot remake up top.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes.

Ed Larson: And then it like really, I liked the way it ends. I thought it had a great ending. I'm not going to spoil that. But I will say Tony Todd, it was good to see him in a normal role. He's great. Tony Todd was a very good actor as well. I liked him a lot. And then the chick had a great story arc. Her character arc was actually very good. I was surprised how much I really enjoyed this movie. It's been a while since I've seen it, literally since childhood. So that's why I put that on the list was because I'd never seen this. And this was Tom Savini's directorial debut. That guy was hilarious. The Gandhi looking zombie who came in. He's like dancing in the doorway. It's so funny. I love this shit.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Barely needed any makeup. But that's why it's nice. We're firmly along on our ride. I hope you guys are playing along as well. It's a fun thing to do throughout the month. And just constantly reminding us of the fact that horror movies are perfect. Each one is perfect. Like I said, even the ones I said, I did not like six out of seven of these films. And I will say, I'm glad I watched all of them. But as I get older, at 44, I watch *The Gate* and I'm like, you know what? Last time. Get it. This is it.

Ed Larson: Wow.

Henry Zebrowski: I'm like, last time. I'm like, I only got, if half of my life is over. That's the last time I'll be spending two hours on that. That's the last time I'm giving *The Gate*.

Ed Larson: I understand. You're ready for *The Gate 2* now.

Henry Zebrowski: No, no, no. *Gate*'s done. *Strangers* done. *Sinister* done. *Body Bags* done. *Halloween 3*, maybe. *Sleepaway Camp 2*, done. *Night of the Living Dead*, might watch again.

Ed Larson: Well, also, the ones you do need. I feel like that's a real review. That's what I'm doing. I'm mixing between the two where I did *Videodrome* is the classic. I bought that. I'm waiting for it to show up.

Henry Zebrowski: It's great. It's really fun. The only problem, again, with *Videodrome* is what James Woods has done to his own self after the fact.

Ed Larson: Well, he's horrible.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, it's another example of a character. He's horrible in the movie, too. But it's another example of an actor that was in movies at a time. This is, again, we're seeing the issue. The issue is that even when I was joking about Tom Atkins really being sexually a dynamo, I think a lot of these guys were in a lot of movies where it was written that all of these women would be wildly in love with him.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: And they do begin to believe that it is true.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: And now that they're 80 and alone. It stops. And I think that James Woods forgot at some point that he's James Woods, the actor. And that in the script, they have to kiss him.

Ed Larson: Yeah. But Debbie Harry's great in that too. She's very mysterious. Really, really good movie. I haven't seen that in like 10 years. I'm very excited. I also forgot that *Videodrome* was all done by Rick Baker.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh!

Ed Larson: Which gives it this other edge. It's like the feel of the movie's fantastic.

Henry Zebrowski: Cool. I didn't realize that. I love that. That makes me very excited for it. And I can't wait. A lot of our movies aren't available anywhere. And of course, I ditched Hulu and Paramount Plus at a protest. And so I know what I'm going to do. I found that local video store. I love it. It's called Be Kind Rewind or whatever. And I'm going to go there and I'm going to get all the movies from them. I absolutely love it. Keep it local. Keep it local. Because why am I going to give Apple five bucks when I can give this fucking dude with a pile of DVDs five bucks?

Ed Larson: Absolutely. Give anything to anything that keeps that man away from becoming a radicalized person at the foot of the fucking Capitol building.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Yeah. I mean, anything that keeps him out. So let's get to that. We did a little 31 for 31 rundown. Do we want to get to some updates?

Ed Larson: It's updated, man. All right. We're here. Do this Aaron Hernandez update. There is a fun one I saw in the listener emails. It says, "I reprimanded Aaron Hernandez." So in June of 2013, I was hired at an escape room type business in Foxborough, Massachusetts at Patriots Place, the outdoor mall attached to Gillette Stadium.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, God. Yeah. How lame do you have to be to put a mall? So they all have to go. They're not a normal mall.

Ed Larson: No, no. It doesn't have a normal. It's a normal mall. It's not just a shop.

Henry Zebrowski: Why is there an escape room at a football stadium?

Ed Larson: I think it's because, to be honest, it's something for the wives to do, to be hidden away from their violent husbands. I mean, Dolphin Stadium is a nightclub, so what am I complaining about? While working, there were two places you could be. One, taking a group of people through the attraction. Or two, standing at the main desk selling tickets and merch. About a week or two into my training, I came out of a tour I had just completed, and I could hear the next tour proceeding very loudly through the show. I asked my manager what was going on, to which he responded, "Just some Patriots players that came in to take the tour. By the way, the system was down when they came in, so you'll need to charge them their tickets before they leave."

Henry Zebrowski: Okay.

Ed Larson: Now I should mention, I'm 5'6", blonde girl, who at the time was going to college to get her degree in theater studies, acting.

Henry Zebrowski: All right, so we got a little actor working here. You know, she's working and trying her best in Boston. You know, good for her.

Ed Larson: Yes. I truly had no idea who these men were.

Henry Zebrowski: Of course not. Why would you?

Ed Larson: So when they entered their tour, walked straight past me out of the door without paying or acknowledging my presence. I was a little annoyed. About five minutes later, one of them came back and asked for the, I shit you not, container of protein powder they had left on the desk during their show. Our business was directly across from a GNC store.

Henry Zebrowski: Why is there a mall right there? You got to get your money. Why do they have a Mormon? Why do they have a fucking mall across the street from the fucking giant Mormon temple? The center of fucking SLC. It's because they get to make that money. They love that shit.

Ed Larson: So I look straight at the biggest man I've ever seen, and I advise him that, yes, he could have his protein powder back, but he needed to pay for the tickets first. He stared at me blankly for a while and said, "Okay, let me just go get Mayo's credit card," and then left again. I learned later that he was referring to Gerard Mayo, not the condiment. Mayo, he was pretty good. He came back. I swiped the card, gave him his protein powder, and moved on with my life. Near the end of the month, I was selling tickets when I got a call from the office on the second floor, but with a large window that looks over the main desk. I looked up to see my manager, who had witnessed my interaction with the Patriots player, and a few other co-workers looked down at me, confused. I asked them what was up. Manager: "Do you remember that Patriots player you reprimanded for not paying?" Me: "Yes." Manager: "Well, he was just arrested on suspected murder charges." As I'm told, my face went white. I slowly put the phone down and went about my day. I told my parents the story, and for a while my father joked that Hernandez was gonna get out of prison and I would be his next victim.

Henry Zebrowski: Jesus fucking Christ.

Ed Larson: We all know that's not a possibility anymore. Now I'm 31 and getting married in a few weeks. I recently retold this story to a group of my friends and found out that one of my bridesmaids is the daughter of the detective who arrested Aaron Hernandez. Massachusetts is so dang small.

Henry Zebrowski: Honestly, this is all, I just love the idea of, we get so many emails of people rubbing up against murderers and dealing with murderers. So many people entered Aaron Hernandez's life because he was a famous person.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: So he was around lots of people all the time. And it sounds like, across the board, he was a piece of shit.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: I have not heard one nice story.

Ed Larson: No.

Henry Zebrowski: I've heard stories of people talking about playing against him in high school now. I've heard stories of people. We've got so many messages of people. Any person. No one's come to his defense. Not a single person said, "I had a good interaction with Aaron Hernandez." You hear that, Shayana?

Ed Larson: Well, you know, honestly, then I got a message. I got a message about her.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, yeah?

Ed Larson: I got a message about his wife and his baby mama.

Henry Zebrowski: We don't need to get into that. But I'm just saying, I got messages about the whole, they're not the funnest group. Maybe it's because they're dealing with their struggles.

Ed Larson: Oh, my God. I had this, this reminds me of a story. When I worked at the Village Poor House, we'd always have football players come in all the time. It was a sports bar in the East Village. The Giants used to come through all the time. It was one of those places. And I was manager. And whenever you get like a football player and, you know, you want to give them one of the good waitresses, you want to make sure they're taken care of, you know, that's celebrity. And that's also what you can hear right there is that every restaurant knows they have good staff and bad staff.

Henry Zebrowski: Absolutely.

Ed Larson: You know what I mean? Then you've got the bad staff that you can't figure out how to get rid of.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: And you got in there and their liabilities and they got to be there. You just you're hoping for them to not show up one day so you can let them go without paying them. But anyway, so I remember Ray Lewis and Ray Rice were coming in for dinner. Now, if you remember, Ray Rice is the guy who famously hit his girlfriend in the elevator in Atlantic City, and everyone watched that footage. And then Ray Lewis was always accused of murdering that man on New Year's Eve when he was wearing a white suit. Then the white suit went missing. It's like a whole thing.

Henry Zebrowski: What do you order? Chicken wings?

Ed Larson: They order lots of food. But anyway, so they're coming in, and I give my best waitress the table because I know it's going to be a good tip. And I want to make sure they're taken care of. And I remember her going, she was the cutest, nicest. I remember her name was Karis. And she was just like really polite and calm and just like good at her job. I think she's like a scientist now. You know? And so she remembered, she's like, I was like, "So you got a very special table. Some football players tonight." She's like, "Wait, I hope they're not scary." And I was like, "Actually. They're the scariest of all. They're the two scariest football players I can think of. Don't worry. You'll be fine. You're in a public place. Just be real nice."

Henry Zebrowski: And what were they like? Were they fine?

Ed Larson: They were great. They tipped well.

Henry Zebrowski: It's nice.

Ed Larson: They tipped good. Wow. They took care of her and we fed them and all that shit.

Henry Zebrowski: You know what? Yeah, it's funny. It's just a fun story. Anyway, regardless, let's continue the show. Actually, that was very frightening. Life from your grave. The thing that is also happening that's also out in the news is that the Munich airport got shut down by drones this week. Another airport.

Ed Larson: Well, that's two days in a row. On the evening of October 3rd, German air traffic control restricted flight operations at Munich Airport as a precautionary measure due to unconfirmed drone sightings and suspended them until further notice. They had this happened now twice. It happened on Thursday and Friday.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: And so they Denmark and Norway has also seen this happen.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, we covered last week in Denmark at the Copenhagen Airport. This is happening again. Again, everybody's screaming, "It's Russia, it's Russia, it's Russia." It makes sense that it's Russia. Unfortunately, they are saying we do track Russian drones and we don't think that these are them. So that's or there's something other, some version of Russian drones, but or something like these drones. I think you need to look at them, though, because it's actually quite frightening. It's a line of drones that sweeping around the airport. And again, they're not, there's no reports saying what the hell they are. The German authorities, just like the Copenhagen authorities, came out and said, you know, they're just saying we have no fucking clue. They don't know how to do a gigantic cross propaganda machine front like we do.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: All right. Like they're not as good at it as we are. And we, they, they just do. They say they don't know how to lie at the local level. They're legitimately like we're scared and we don't know what it is. No one's telling us what it is. And it's very largely, it does seem to be, I'm not even saying this is UFOs.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, it seems there's also lots of Russian drones that entered NATO airspace over Poland and Romania. But they know it.

Ed Larson: Yeah, but that they knew. They don't know what these are.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes, they know what those things are. And they don't know what these things are. But these definitely look like fucking, they look like human drones. They do look like human drones. They just look like they're way bigger. And no one's claiming them. Also at this point conspiracy time, I think if I was an alien and they saw that we had all these drones, why not try to make shit that looks like our shit? We've been talking about this, the idea that they are legitimately just copying us.

Ed Larson: I don't know. I also just think now we're in full bad actor zone. Like now we're just in full on the mystery zone in between where nobody knows what the information is, and we're specifically being gamed against ourselves. Like, we're supposed to be getting used to these mystery drones. I don't know why. I don't know what these drones are accessing.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: It's over there now. When you had ours, we seem to not have ours anymore. Don't know what's happening.

Henry Zebrowski: I mean, they still show up. There's still drones everywhere. Now that everyone can have a drone, I saw one in my backyard the other night. But we're talking about the key difference. This is much like the way everybody does the Trump just jokes. It's just jokes. Where you try to minimize it. It's like this whole like weird minimizing game going on where it's like, yeah, I get it. Like, I do understand that it's like it's stopped and they are drones or they're machines. But they're that's two separate. That's a two different sports.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: But the drone you can get is not this shit. This shit's like definitely the highest of end. It's military grade. Proprietary level, like giant drones.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: So this isn't just normal ass people.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Remember the fucking, I also got that crazy footage that we can't show because it's, but I got it from Danny, Danny Filippo. I literally like, we got one of those. I love our life sometimes. We got one of those where the shit that Eddie and I saw, like, and you can't see, honestly, is fucking wild. And we saw some really wild stuff. He wouldn't let me see who it was from.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes.

Ed Larson: And then, like, because he got it from his friend. He wouldn't let me see who that person was. And then he showed me the video, and then he let me show that video to Henry. It was very wild. And it was like, we don't. It was off a fighter jet. It was just like a dot going up and down in and out of the water. We don't know what this stuff is. We don't know.

Henry Zebrowski: And then you have, what's his name? Was it Tim Mueller? Tim was the other guy that Tim Burnett was at the senator. The one that's just straight up came out and said, "Oh, we're not only talking to UFOs, but like they live off of California and I go visit them." And like he was like talking about all this shit about how like we absolutely know San Diego all the time.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: But there's like I think it was Tim Burchett who came out and said straight up. There are aliens in the water. I mean, it makes sense that the only place it would be. But this is also, he's a Republican, obviously, and Tim Burchett also, again, the only thing, the only weirdly, which is fucking ridiculous. Is he horrible? No, who knows? I mean, yes. But there are, he's the only person taking UFOs seriously. And he's talking about it as if it is well-known information and it's just over with. You know what's weird about the thing with San Diego? though is you know you would expect if you see ufos going in and out of the water you would expect it to be incredibly deep but the the water is notoriously shallow yeah outside of the coast of san diego so it makes me think that that's not right and they ultimately straight up said the main reason why they're no one's moving on anything is because the what's what the generals keep telling people like timber chat is that they could have blown us up 20 times over that's how i feel about anytime they wanted and they haven't yet so obviously they're either waiting they're just hanging out couldn't give a fuck about us it's very possible that they just be writing us off what if they're trying to find a way to leave themselves yeah you know what i mean what if it's like even that they just don't have enough space gas they're just like literally like guys shut the fuck up i don't want to hear you anything yeah like i just like we're trying to leave we want to go

Ed Larson: They tell me this is what Tim Burchett said. "They tell me something's moving at hundreds of miles an hour underwater as large as a football field underwater." This Tennessee congressman told Republican congressman Matt Gaetz.

Henry Zebrowski: Great. Oh, good. I'm glad he's on the case. They're all don't worry. This is the problem. This is the problem is all the guys I got to talk to. It's not fucking like that. Yeah, everybody's a fucking child molester or a fucking crazy person. The Democrats got nobody to talk to. We just got Chuck Schumer counting his corns and then we got they're all doing nothing. They all just love the fact that the government's off of work, they're all just sitting at home doing jack dick, loving life making fucking stock trades and we're all just sitting here, they kick the football so they don't have to vote on the Epstein thing and you got this fucking idiot getting trotted out in front of all the cameras being "Oh, there's a football field sized UFO in the water" and it's like Bro, it's not even moving the fucking needle, dude.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: It's no one gives a fuck.

Ed Larson: Yeah, some of those drones at the beginning of the year were shooting other drones down.

Henry Zebrowski: Yep.

Ed Larson: Like, we just, like, stopped talking about it.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, because, again, what that shows me, somebody got the answer, and no one wants, we're not allowed to know what the answer is.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Because if they're shooting each other, like, what the fuck?

Henry Zebrowski: They do it specifically. Like the thing over Yemen, they do it specifically so that they—this is their version of a coverup, is to just shut up about it.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Because they're like, again, it's not going anywhere. No one's doing anything. The government's not working right now. We can all—nobody gives a fuck. You know, that's what they found out in the Amelia Earhart files. Drones.

Ed Larson: Yeah. It was drones.

Henry Zebrowski: And honestly, I was like—obviously, as you guys have heard me talk about in the show—I was really kind of puzzled that even like, because the Trump administration, one thing is they're so transparent. They do what they say they're going to do.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: And when he said that stuff about the Epstein files, I was like, first of all, I was so confused by Trump. Not releasing all that information. I was confused and hurt in a way. But then all that went away when I saw the Amelia Earhart files.

Ed Larson: Yeah. You're like, oh, he does believe in truth. He cares. Because everybody knows that pussies float.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. And that's the main thing I learned from the Amelia Earhart thing—is that pussies float. And it's crazy. The only thing they found was her bush.

Ed Larson: They found her bush.

Henry Zebrowski: This is true. I don't know if you guys read that file. They found her bush. A bunch of Japanese people were using it on an island as a fire starter. They were using the top of her bush as a fire starter because she weirdly enough grew steel wool.

Ed Larson: Well, she was so in tune with the sky. She was part airplane.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Have you ever seen that movie *Titane*?

Ed Larson: *Titane*? No, *Titan*?

Henry Zebrowski: No, it's called T-I-T-A-N-E. It's about a French girl becoming like a horny car.

Ed Larson: No.

Henry Zebrowski: That's Amelia Earhart. She wanted a fucking car. She became an airplane. She just slowly became an airplane. To be honest, what I found out was some of the most damning things were all the allegations from other planes on Amelia Earhart that actually really showed me. They named names.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Orville Wright was there watching Amelia Earhart making a twin Cessna eat her out at gunpoint.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. And to be honest, they actually called him "Horville Wright." They did at the time. So honestly, I'm really glad that no one—the truth that came out of that document was so blistering that, of course, no one's talking about it. Because, again, she would never have been president. It's certainly not helping the fact that people say women can't drive. They shouldn't fly. That's what this showed me.

Ed Larson: Because that's where she said—apparently I love women, I'm sorry—he doesn't, he really doesn't. One of the worst things apparently was when she was flying, she was so distracted by the amount of menstrual blood pouring out of her that she couldn't look at the dials anymore. That's why she was eaten by sharks. She would have been fine when she fell.

Henry Zebrowski: When Amelia got into the plane, they called it the "vag pit." And it just filled with blood and covered all the dials. So that was actually really difficult. So again, can't trust women. And Amelia Earhart should never have flown. And that's what I learned. Honestly, I feel so much better. I'm released from all the bad news.

Ed Larson: Also in Munich, there was a bomb threat called an Oktoberfest.

Henry Zebrowski: So they're like, oh, it kind of lines up with the other one.

Ed Larson: It does. It's very strange.

Henry Zebrowski: You just want to bring the story back around.

Ed Larson: Yes, thank you. We have another horrific story here.

Henry Zebrowski: We do need to get into this story because the debate at the center of this story is really important.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, this one's wild. Go for it, buddy.

Ed Larson: So follow us on this. Because, again... I go either way. This is a thought experiment for all of us. And we're all going to talk about this in an even-keeled, sensible way. That's what we're searching for here. We do take shit a lot for sticking up for the bad guy occasionally.

Henry Zebrowski: We do.

Ed Larson: Yes. And this is a case where we're all confused.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. This is Mineola, Texas. Great place. Texas man is accused of holding another man at gunpoint for hitting his dog with a car, which killed the animal. Alberto Joshua Hernandez, 22.

Ed Larson: Emotional.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes, young. He is accused of forcing a man to dig a grave for the dog and withdraw money from an ATM to compensate Hernandez for his loss. All of this was done at gunpoint.

Ed Larson: Yes. So this is what happens. This man, the victim—they're calling him the victim, which is true.

Henry Zebrowski: Who? The man that hit the dog.

Ed Larson: Okay, yes. So September 8th. Lots of people hit dogs with cars.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. So a dog ran out into the street from a residential home.

Ed Larson: Yes. The man hit it with his car. He pulled over. And another man came driving up out of the property in a Ford pickup. Stopped behind him.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Hernandez, the young man with the gun. He got out of the pickup and he pointed the gun at the victim. Saying, "I'm going to shoot you in the fucking head." The victim said he pleaded for his life.

Ed Larson: Right?

Henry Zebrowski: He put the gun to his head saying, "You killed my fucking dog." It's an AR-15.

Ed Larson: Well, no, no, no. This is—I think this is a—there's two guns.

Henry Zebrowski: There's two guns.

Ed Larson: There's two guns.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, there's two guns. The first gun, I feel like, is a handgun, probably.

Ed Larson: Yeah, so he made him plead for his life. "Kill my fucking dog! You killed my fucking—" "It was a mistake!" I mean, honestly, yes, that's the scene. Documents say Hernandez forced the man at gunpoint to pick up the dog's body from the ditch, carry it to his yard.

Henry Zebrowski: The affidavit says he took his keys and his phone, just being like, "You fuck, you're doing this funeral right the fuck now. You're doing this right the fuck now." They went and he took him to an ATM. They got a shovel.

Ed Larson: Well, no, yeah. We got the shovel. He got the shovel. He dug the hole for the dog. They buried the dog. Then they went to the ATM.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Then while he's burying the dog in his yard, he goes into his house, switches out the guns, gets the AR-15, comes back outside and is like, "All right, now we're going to the ATM."

Ed Larson: Yep. And then they sat. They got the money. Got him $200. That's how much it costs to deal with a dead dog. This whole thing absolutely. He said Hernandez took his driver's license, took a picture of it, told him, "I now know where you live. And if this is not enough, I'm going to come back and get more."

Henry Zebrowski: And then, which was kind of crazy, when he came back to drop the guy back off, he left. He dropped him home. The guy drove away. Obviously called the police. But when he showed up, Hernandez's mother was also waiting. So she was a part of this scenario as well.

Ed Larson: Now, obviously, the villain here is—it's like *The Gunman* again. If you've seen *The Gunman*, which is my favorite movie of the year. It's really good. Sean Penn's character is a horrendous villain that has at his heart this very relatable yearning. There's a relatable desperation. He wants to love. He like physically can't love. It's a whole thing, right? This villain is in that realm of being a Tarantino-style, "There but for the grace of God go I." That man walks. I get it. If you kill the wrong man's dog.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. If you hit Carmi with the car, I'd have two reactions. One obviously is the screaming no.

Ed Larson: Right?

Henry Zebrowski: Right? Then would I say I'm above wanting to get that person who killed my dog, put him in the trunk of a car, take him out in the middle of nowhere? I understand the urge. Drop him off and not kill him. I'm not saying kill. I'm saying that I get the idea of dog-walking a man that killed my pet. I could see the satisfaction one would gain putting a gun in his mouth, dragging him down the street by his ear with the gun in his mouth, telling him, "Now you're gonna be my dog. I'm gonna make you my dog now."

Ed Larson: "I'm not a dog, I'm a man."

Henry Zebrowski: "Then not anymore. Today you're a dog. Today you're a dog. You're eating dog food because that's what we got for dogs, right?"

Ed Larson: Yeah, that's what I would do. But I also have a saint in me. I know it's illegal. I know I'm the villain. I know I'm the villain. He's the villain. But you're the villain because you love too much. The love is so big. Alberto Hernandez had inside of him—his love was so large he had to kidnap another man to prove his love.

Henry Zebrowski: Also I have to say, at 22 you make bad decisions like this. You're a monster. Me at 22, I had just gotten my gun. I didn't have a dog, but if someone killed my roommate's dog, I don't know how I would have reacted.

Ed Larson: Yes. You know, so I'm not saying it's good that I don't know how I would have reacted. I think that if it happened now, as an adult, I'd just be, you know, probably just slap the guy a bunch.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. I mean, it's just really hard because we know it's an accident, but there are accidents that kill our beloveds and make the other people upset. It makes you crazy. And I'm not as gracious as an Erica Kirk.

Ed Larson: Yes. You know, like, I'm not ready to sell merch about a dead Carmi. I'm not ready to sell—

Henry Zebrowski: You're not ready to take over Carmi's podcast a week after she dies.

Ed Larson: I'm not ready to take on that ad deal. I'm not ready to take on all that money that Carmi's going to leave behind.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, and Carmi was in that beauty contest that she won for no fucking reason. It's because I knew the guy that was controlling it. And then I also met the man that impregnated Carmi. I chose him as well.

Ed Larson: That's cool.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, a young Republican dog.

Ed Larson: Ah, yeah, fucker. But yeah, he's a villain. And we're saying, Last Podcast on the Left is not pro-Alberto Hernandez.

Henry Zebrowski: No, but I do sympathize and understand where he's coming from. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. I know that, again, stop. If you're writing the email right now that says, "Look, it's a crime." It is a crime. We know. I know it's a crime. He's going to jail. I'm just saying we should contribute to this man's canteen while he's in jail so he has a nicer jail experience because he's dealing with the loss of a dog. The man's got props. Different people grieve in different ways.

Ed Larson: Dude, that dog. Dogs are unconditional. He was a good dog.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, of course. If it was a bad dog or a foster... I'm thinking of my three dogs right now. And I think if someone hit Tootsie, I'd be like, "Well, it's her time. Tootsie's got to go." And she's slow through the road. And I don't even mean that. I want Tootsie to go for her own sake. Honestly, if she went fast, it'd probably be great.

Ed Larson: Much better, yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: If someone hit... Because she's going slow.

Ed Larson: Yes. No, she's still alive. 18 next month.

Henry Zebrowski: If someone hit my new dog, my wonderful, my foster. Not Harley. Jizzy.

Ed Larson: Jizzy.

Henry Zebrowski: If someone hit Jizzy, the foster dog. They're trying to get rid of.

Ed Larson: Yeah, I think we're getting rid of her this weekend. Thank you for everyone who reached out about getting... I didn't know that the Maison Shore charged $500 for the dog. So I'm sorry that I said she was free. She's not free. It's $500 adoption fee to keep the adoption process going. I understand now. I didn't when I made the video. Sorry. Because I got Harley for free, I didn't realize, because I fostered her first, and then they let me keep her for free, so I thought all the dogs were free. I did not know. But that being said, if someone hit Jizzy, ah, you know, it's foster, not my dog. No muss, no fuss.

Henry Zebrowski: Fucked up. We do that with an adopted child. But if someone hit Harley, I think I might lose my mind.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: I think I might, because she's bigger, it would probably take her a while to go.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: I think that I would lose my mind and fall into some kind of weird psychosis.

Ed Larson: Oh, yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: And I would be like, I'd do that thing where I'm just like, "Call the cops. Call the fucking cops. Call the cops. Stop me." It's not because I want to report the person who killed my dog.

Ed Larson: No.

Henry Zebrowski: It's like I want the cops around so I don't do something bad.

Ed Larson: Yeah. I mean, honestly, but I feel that that is what makes you a responsible member of society. Call the police. Call the fucking cops on me. Call the cops on me. That's what would happen. But yeah, I also get it. So I understand Hernandez.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Because, you know, it's weird. Because in my mind, it's like even with human kids, I'm going to get into trouble for even just saying this. But even human kids, it feels like you could make another one really easily. It depends on how old you are. But Hernandez is 22, though. He's got plenty of kids to pop out. I'm just saying. In terms of dogs, it's so hard to find that unique dog again.

Ed Larson: How long do you get for this?

Henry Zebrowski: See, here's the thing. If he just—kidnapping a man. He's going to probably get 10, 15 years.

Ed Larson: I think the ATM is where he fucked up.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, buddy.

Ed Larson: I think it was the gunpoint and kidnapping the man and taking him several locations. I think the gunpointing at the man, burying my dog, ends there. I feel like you might just serve a month. You might be friends.

Henry Zebrowski: I feel like, yeah, I feel like there might be something that comes from that. The guy might get it. The guy might even be like, "Fuck me, man, I'm sad." But it's the taking to the ATM.

Ed Larson: Hernandez was arrested by police in Mineola on Thursday and charged with aggravated robbery, aggravated kidnapping, and drug charges.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, yeah, he had drugs on him. Absolutely. I feel like this might have been slightly—of course, he was probably high as fuck. He'd just been doing eight balls. Saw his dog get killed. That's a bad combination. "You killed my dog, man! You killed my fucking dog!" Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what happened there.

Ed Larson: Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, wow, yep.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna do? You get two guns. You shouldn't have so many guns. Texas is easy to get guns. You know, it's a sticky situation. I feel bad for Hernandez.

Ed Larson: I think they're actually, unfortunately, like, in Texas, I do believe that the gun has to go into therapy after shooting.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. It's not the person. The gun has to go because it's not meant to kill.

Ed Larson: Yeah, you have to bury the gun.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, yeah. That's called being bullet kosher. So I'm sorry this happened to you, sir. I'm sorry that you hit a dog with your car. It was very emotional. Sorry for the man, too, because that's sad. It's sad to kill a dog. It's sad to kill. That fucks with you on its own. I guess getting the gun pointed in your face does kind of cut that depression.

Ed Larson: And that way I'd be thankful.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: Because I'd rather be scared than sad. In a weird way, he owes Hernandez.

Henry Zebrowski: But that's, again, that's what the payment was for.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Give him a new lease on life.

Henry Zebrowski: Leash, please.

Ed Larson: If he had a leash, this would have never happened.

Henry Zebrowski: No, exactly. Maybe there is, like, we could also talk about how a fence could be in order. There's a lot of stuff here. There's a lot of hanging chads here.

Ed Larson: A lot of hanging chads. Let's talk about a little bit here. This one guy—you see this teenager who killed his parents? He didn't kill his parents, he killed his mother and her friend and he stabbed them. This took place in Cambria County in Pennsylvania. So this kid, a 14-year-old, stabbed his mom and her friend to death and then texted his girlfriend, "I just killed my parents," and then followed with "JK."

Henry Zebrowski: But as a matter of fact, he was not JK. He killed a parent.

Ed Larson: So I could see where his joke was. It wasn't a good one.

Henry Zebrowski: He says, he did that as in like "psych," as in like that's a funny joke.

Ed Larson: Yes. But it's not, if the text was funny.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Now, obviously, you know, this just happened. He still has to go through court and all that. It seems like there probably isn't, but he did. It does seem like he is the one who killed them. He was wandering around the neighborhood screaming, "I did it."

Ed Larson: Yes, he did it. But you know, we're not JK-ing about our brand new dates on JK Ultra. So you can go and check those out on Last Podcast on the Left. We got a bunch of brand new dates and we don't care what we say in a text. It's not funny to sell tickets.

Henry Zebrowski: That's right. 2026, we're coming. So basically today, Patreon members can buy tickets. Friday, on sale to the general public. So get in there, Patreon members. Get in there and get your tickets before everyone gets in there and buys up all the good ones.

Ed Larson: So here's what we're doing. We're doing January 31st, we're going to Philly. February 28th, Austin. I want to put this out. That Philly show is the biggest show of our entire tour. And we are going to be doing something special at that Philly show.

Henry Zebrowski: I want to fucking blow that shit out.

Ed Larson: Yes. I love Philly. We had such a good time when we did our side story show. So much fun. And then the last time Last Podcast on the Left went to Philly, wasn't there like a blackout or something? And then you guys were fucked. Then we had to do a re-up on that show. Billy is owed a real show. And we're going to come and deliver a big-ass show. Please don't fight us.

Henry Zebrowski: And then February—

Ed Larson: But they fight amongst themselves.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Well, you know, then the outsiders that come through.

Ed Larson: Yes. They fight them very much.

Henry Zebrowski: Fight them. February 28th, we're going to be in Austin. Very pumped for that. I can't wait. I've never performed in that city before. March 13th, Indianapolis. April 25th, Cincinnati. Scared to have my family see our show.

Ed Larson: Yay! Come on! Let them try!

Henry Zebrowski: I'm very nervous about it. They might have to sit at home. May 29th, Pittsburgh. Going to be a lot of fun. June 27th, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Let's do it. Grand Rapids is a really cool little town. I've never been to Grand Rapids.

Ed Larson: Grand Rapids, literally some of the best beer I've had in the entire fucking country.

Henry Zebrowski: I believe that. It's Grand Rapids.

Ed Larson: Also, we went to a very funny club.

Henry Zebrowski: Where? At Grand Rapids?

Ed Larson: Yeah, it's a funny club.

Henry Zebrowski: Is it just like a club? Is it like you went to a club and you just beat each other with sticks? Is that kind of club?

Ed Larson: Sexy time, man.

Henry Zebrowski: Sexy?

Ed Larson: Oh, yeah. Everyone's real wrapped up. Grand Rapids. We're all wrapped up. Grand Rapids. Real cold. Real cold. I remember we had to wait on line outside of an establishment in the snow. It's like 1:45 in the morning. We waited out there, and we walked into a sports bar. Man, it was lit up, dude. Grand Rapids gets fucked up.

Henry Zebrowski: All right, Grand Rapids. We're coming for you on June 27th. And then in July 17th, we're in Tulsa. And July 18th, Oklahoma City. Going to be fun. We're doing double time in Oklahoma. We're covering it all. Honestly, it's great. But just so you know, we're not killing any parents on this tour. Unless, of course, it is Ed's wife's parents. If they come and they get so offended by the material that they die—

Ed Larson: They will get offended by the—

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, they can't come. Do they not understand that these thoughts support her daughter and love her daughter?

Ed Larson: That is the thing. I think that it might be split. I think if they come and see the crowd and be like, "Holy shit, Ed's really successful now," they might like you. You might like it. But then they see what I'm talking about when I scream "Hail Satan" and then 2,000 people yell "Hail Satan" back. I'm worried how they might handle that.

Henry Zebrowski: I wish that they could understand that that means Satan's winning and Christ is losing. You know what? Bridgetown Meats, I want to talk to you. You have to tell Julie's mom, Janet Rosing, when she's there every day pretty much buying meat from these men, I think you need to tell her, "It's okay what I say on stage."

Ed Larson: All right, Bridgetown Meats. I support your ham salad. I support everything you do over there. Delicious meats. I love the getta. You guys are amazing. Go to Bridgetown Meats. Tell Julie's mom, whatever I say on stage, it's okay.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, again, it's a character. It's a character. That's what you say. Say to them. You say it's a character or I don't mean it.

Ed Larson: The strong, strapping men at Bridgetown Meats, let Janet Rosing know that Ed Larson can say whatever he wants on stage.

Henry Zebrowski: Honestly, it also would help too if you say stuff like, "This is Rosing. God, you look fucking good today."

Ed Larson: Yeah, you look great. God damn, Mr. Rosen. Where's Mr. Rosen? Here's some free ham salad, just for you. I'm going to see you eat it, though.

Henry Zebrowski: I found it. There's the ham salad. Look, they have to stock up more now because of me.

Ed Larson: Yep, only because of him. I'm selling this ham salad, dude. Go check it out. Bridgetown Finer Meats, Cincinnati, Ohio. Live from your grave.

Henry Zebrowski: This other story is really fucking stupid about the hunter who shot the kid thinking he was a squirrel.

Ed Larson: But the problem is with a kid thinking he's a squirrel. He's way bigger than a squirrel.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. He's not even that hairy.

Ed Larson: No, and it sounds like an excuse. It sounds like you just want to shoot that kid in the head.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, well, the kid's dead.

Ed Larson: Exactly.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. So be careful. Also, an Australian dock worker was fired for putting his penis in his co-worker's Subway sandwich, but now he's allowed to work there again.

Ed Larson: What?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: How did he get to go back?

Henry Zebrowski: They were like, "Eh, it's fine. Just a joke." I mean, Australians famously have a wonderful sense of humor. So I wonder if it's partially that. But how do they tell that his penis was in the sandwich?

Ed Larson: It said his employer accused Smith of showing his male co-workers bikini-clad photos of female colleagues. Also telling one that he had spat—wait, say that again. Say that again, wait, what was this? He was in trouble for showing his male co-workers bikini-clad photos of female colleagues. But also—

Henry Zebrowski: Wait a second, were they just on social media?

Ed Larson: Yeah, I think he was just looking up Instagram pictures. He's being a creep.

Henry Zebrowski: He's being a creep.

Ed Larson: Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Of course, yeah. But then he put his cock in someone's Subway sandwich, and he called the colleague a useless piece of shit and a condescending cunt.

Henry Zebrowski: Now, my question is, is that they then go—they then were like, "Ah, you're all right."

Ed Larson: Yeah, they fired him.

Henry Zebrowski: "Ah, you're funny. That was funny as hell when you think about it."

Ed Larson: Yeah, I think a week went by, and they're like, "Ah, we miss him." And so they said the termination was harsh, unjust, and unreasonable.

Henry Zebrowski: But didn't he put his penis in a sandwich?

Ed Larson: He did put his penis in a sandwich. But what's the proof of that? Was there video? He said it.

Henry Zebrowski: What do you mean he said it? He told people, "I put my cock in the sandwich."

Ed Larson: Australians.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never fucking say. I'll fucking—there's no way to prove it.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. So there's no way to prove it, guys, unless you got mustard on your balls.

Ed Larson: Yeah. But the thing is, I think the reason they hired him back is because it was just a Subway sandwich. And it's just—it could only have made it better than worse, you know?

Henry Zebrowski: Do you think that he was like, he's the office personality hire?

Ed Larson: Yes. It's actually interesting because he didn't get caught doing it.

Henry Zebrowski: No, no. Someone just said—it's hearsay. Like someone's like, "He said that he did it."

Ed Larson: Oh, it's hearsay.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, it smells like his dick.

Ed Larson: Yeah, but it smells like tuna fish.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, someone's got provolone dick. It's like getting fired because someone said that you did something, but there's no proof of it.

Ed Larson: Yes, but you said you didn't.

Henry Zebrowski: Right, but he's like, he could be like, "I was talking shit, you know. It's not true."

Ed Larson: Yeah, I know. But I will say, it's probably easy to be a dock worker there. I mean, I guess it's real easygoing. But it's like—the Australians are famous for being fun-loving party people. But the thing is, Australians—I guess it really is the other guys must have finally just been like, "Who hasn't?"

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, you know? I mean, the rest of them must have just been so like—what are they called? Burger King over there?

Ed Larson: Hungry Jacks.

Henry Zebrowski: Hungry Jacks. Yeah. Hungry Jacks.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Because of one man.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I do.

Ed Larson: One man stood in the way of Burger King rights to the Australians.

Henry Zebrowski: On the Burger King. He said it was amazing. It was really, really great. Yeah, so if you are going to work at the docks, know that you can get some cocks.

Ed Larson: Oh, God. It's just... I do feel like they really should—they should have kept him fired. I really feel like it's a bad precedent to set.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. But I also understand if it's hearsay, because if dock workers aren't looking at the evidence, who is?

Ed Larson: Yeah. And, you know. Because you know they had a tribunal. They had to set it up with the judge. They had to make him a fake wig out of spaghetti. And then they had a fake lawyer. They had a whole—like, it was on the dock. Like, they did an unofficial trial. Like they do it in a sitcom.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, my God. The way he apologized for showing the pictures of the female co-workers was, he said that he shouldn't be using his phone while at work.

Ed Larson: Ha! What an asshole. Fucking creep.

Henry Zebrowski: What an asshole.

Ed Larson: Of course.

Henry Zebrowski: What a fucking piece of shit. Nope. Nope. No lessons learned. Not a single one.

Ed Larson: Oh, wow.

Henry Zebrowski: Hey, so enjoy your Subway sandwiches, Australia.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Because they are chock full of chock.

Ed Larson: All right. We promised some spooky stories.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. And I think it's time because I actually have a doctor's appointment and I have to go do.

Ed Larson: All right. So we have to begin this. It is time. It is time.

Henry Zebrowski: All right. So you're going to go first? For some listener pastas.

Ed Larson: Ooh. Scary stories from the audience. You got one, I got one?

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. I'm going to read this one. Again, we're just going to do smatterings. We're just trying to add more ghost activity to the show. And so this is our way of getting us all used to the spooky waters of Halloween time. So ladies and gentlemen.

[Sound effect: monkey noise]

Ed Larson: Scared you, didn't I? Smoke a giant. Pretend to be a skeleton for a little while and get ready to be spooked by some scary listener stories.

Henry Zebrowski: It's a monkey noise. It's not a ghost noise, it's a monkey noise.

Ed Larson: Yeah, well, a monkey could be scary if it's ripping your fucking lips off.

Henry Zebrowski: If it's a ghost. "I was at a friend's co-worker's apartment in West Hollywood. There were three of us having a girl's night after work. We were drinking some wine, gossiping about work and listening to music when one of the girls casually said she knew how to twerk while doing a handstand. Obviously, we said prove it, and she proceeded to do a handstand with her feet leveraged against the front door and performed her expert-level twerking. We all started hooting and hollering, as you do, and abruptly stopped when we heard someone pounding on the front door. It sounded like a large person banging with a closed fist. My friend opened the door—"

Ed Larson: With her ass jiggling?

Henry Zebrowski: "No one was there."

Ed Larson: Oh.

Henry Zebrowski: "With her butthole. She grabbed the doorknob. A true performer. Ready for Los Angeles. It sounded like a large person banging the door. No, she closed the door. She opened the door. No one was there. She closes the door. Turns to us. Shrugs. Then it happens again. She was still next to the door so she quickly flung it open and again no one there. The apartment was a flat in one of those really old buildings. It had two units downstairs and two upstairs. There was a single staircase going up and a small landing with an apartment to the left and right about 20 feet away from each other. So not very accessible and not very many possible culprits. While we were trying to figure out who could be doing it and how they could get to the door and disappear so fast, we started again hearing what sounded like coins dropping around the apartment. And the banging happened again. Again, no one there. She texts all three of her neighbors, asking if anyone had knocked and they were being too loud. No one was home directly downstairs. The old lady across the hall was in bed, and the other downstairs neighbor also had a couple of people over and hadn't heard us. Meanwhile, I start to see small white shapes flying past the window. Almost like birds, but it was dark out. We look out the window to the front lawn. Nobody's there. The knocking happens yet again. And the twerking girl says she has to leave. I was supposed to stay the night."

Ed Larson: She's got another show to get to.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, she's got to go.

Ed Larson: "I'm going to go twerk for Abraham Lincoln."

Henry Zebrowski: "I was supposed to stay the night with the other girl that was with us, but I decided, no, you know what?"

Henry Zebrowski: No, thank you. I'm going to get an Uber home too. I get home, call my boyfriend, now my husband, to tell him what happened when we were interrupted by a FaceTime call from the other two girls. They were both crying and outside walking to the last remaining girl's car and were heading to her place in Long Beach because the pounding wouldn't stop. And it happened while they were in the front of the door again and they immediately opened and absolutely no one was there. The girl that lived in the apartment stayed at our friends in Long Beach for three days until her roommate came back from vacation so she didn't have to be alone in there. And she found pennies and dimes scattered around the floor and when she opened the front window, she noticed there was a paper shoved between the Iron Juliet balcony and the window door. It was renovated from the original and there was about an inch from the balcony to the doors. Upon closer inspection, she discovered that it was a bunch of her mail, which is what I'd seen flying around that window and you can only get to the mail by entering the building with a key and opening the mailbox with a key.

Henry Zebrowski: Okay. I've always been sensitive to heavy energies, allegedly haunted spaces. And this was not the first or last time I had a weird experience, but it was by far the scariest. I refused to ever go back to her place. Maybe coincidentally, maybe not, all three of those girls turned out to be very, very not cool. Maybe something was trying to tell me.

Ed Larson: Oh. Or maybe the ghost-like strippers.

Henry Zebrowski: Literally, that is my first thought. And he's like, he's hooded. And he's like, and he's throwing money at her. But I do think that there's something to the idea that the other chicks were not really cool. And that there was something in their trick. Because I find that very interesting. The idea of a disembodied noise. You can't control things. Because that's what's called apportations.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Apparations, I believe.

Henry Zebrowski: Apparations are what you see.

Ed Larson: Apparations. Yeah. Yeah. Which there wasn't because the white things were male. So that wasn't an apparition. an apparition is seeing a ghost.

Henry Zebrowski: Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth! You don't have to Google it. You mean like an EVP or a phantom sound? Phantom sound. The EVP is a type of thing that's called, it's when things fall from the ceiling. It's called like apportations or something like that. Teleportation?

Ed Larson: You don't know nothing! You don't know anything! I know that apparitions are the sighting of a ghost.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Well, either way.

Ed Larson: Yes, it's apportations.

Henry Zebrowski: Apportations. Yes, A-P-P-O-R-T.

Ed Larson: A poor use of words.

Henry Zebrowski: No, it was actually very good. Actually quite good. By the way, my monkey noises were appropriate because Jane Goodall is now a ghost. Did you hear about what happened with her?

Ed Larson: What?

Henry Zebrowski: Jane Goodall. Jane Goodall passed away this week. The wonderful Jane Goodall, one of my heroes, to be honest with you. She died suddenly in her sleep, which God bless her, she deserved it.

Ed Larson: Thank Christ.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I'm glad she didn't die like in a fire. But she was supposed to be giving a speech in Pasadena to a bunch of children and then she just didn't show up. And so the auditorium's full of children waiting for Jane Goodall to come talk to him.

Ed Larson: At least she didn't die in front of him.

Henry Zebrowski: But someone had to come out and be like, she's dead. And then all the children started crying and shit.

Ed Larson: Why would you fucking do that? I guess they don't want to lie to the fucking kids or whatever, but still. Just fucking for the afternoon We could just be like, Jane's late Jane's gonna come back You know, like, well, let's just put a bookmark Into this They didn't tell everybody when stupid W Was reading the little book that 9-11 was happening Yeah, they just came And told all the children that the person there To talk about monkeys with them Fucking dead

Henry Zebrowski: She died just like you're gonna die Alright, you're gonna grow old and you're gonna die No matter what you've done to love chimps You can love a chimp as much as you want This one's called... You're still going to be a fucking corpse.

Ed Larson: My Haunted Dorm Room from Courtney, which I think is Courtney, but they didn't put the tea in there. I'm sorry for it.

Henry Zebrowski: You apologizing to Courtney?

Ed Larson: To you, my friend. All right. We'll see how fast I can get through this. I wanted to share a true story from my freshman year dorm at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Hey, I'm going to be there on Sunday with Logan Metz at Comedy on State. Come check it out.

Henry Zebrowski: Better be good.

Ed Larson: I hope you come, Courtney. Courtney, whatever your name is, come tell me. I woke up on my bunk bed suddenly in the early hours of Monday, January 23rd. My clock ran 3.33 a.m. I glanced at the mirror on our door and I saw a girl with long dark hair and a white nightgown sitting on my futon. I turned to my head and she was still there, just staring at her reflection. My heart started racing and I yanked the blanket over my face. But every few minutes I peeked out, barely able to breathe, and she never moved. She just sat there staring at herself in the mirror for nearly two hours until I finally fell back asleep. She never left.

Ed Larson: The next day, I kept it to myself because I didn't want to freak out my roommate. But the following night, while my roommate and I were watching The Bachelor, I told her what I saw and her face went pale. She said she thought she'd seen me making coffee in the dark of night, but I'd never gotten up. I remembered the girl was wearing white. My roommate said that she thought it was me in my white Arizona sweatshirt, but that sweatshirt was packed away. What really terrified us was this. I saw her at the futon. My roommate saw her at the coffee machine by the foot of her bed in between the two of us. We were so shaken. We didn't even sleep in our room for the next night.

Ed Larson: To this day, I have no logical explanation for this. and we've even debunked theories like someone could have snuck into our room since our door is automatically locked. A few years later, a friend brought the story up and told me that he'd seen something similar and even caught it on video. He was at a party, filming his friend, when in the background, a doorway, a girl with dark hair and a white nightgown walked past. And when I saw the video, I nearly started crying. It was exactly what I'd seen all those years ago. Apparently, she's a common apparition. At the end there.

Henry Zebrowski: Apparition. Apportation is different than apparition. But that is, I mean, you know, like, I know that you're like, you give and take ghost stories.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: But I do think it's interesting. I think it's interesting. You've seen the most ghosts of anybody I know. I think that sometimes people in college are drunk and see things in the night.

Ed Larson: Interesting.

Henry Zebrowski: And maybe she might have made coffee.

Ed Larson: Interesting. Did you smell coffee?

Henry Zebrowski: Well, coffee is, I mean, who knows? It could also be part of, it could just be a stagnant, recorded memory of a person that used to live there a long time ago. Coffee is the color. So, guys, so who says we don't get spooky? We get spooky. We're going to get more spooky. We've got a couple more weeks.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Spooky time. I saw Christmas lights up the other day.

Henry Zebrowski: Maybe we want to burn the neighborhood down.

Ed Larson: Are you sure they weren't Halloween nights?

Henry Zebrowski: No, their Christmas lights was red and green so that's why you're going to live every day knowing for a fact that we're not going to let them take Halloween from us. I don't care. Also, could be blood and weed. We could be. We also need to laugh at the fact that we completely didn't realize that Lawrence Krause when we covered that bit last week of the guy confessing to killing his parents and taking their social security checks that he ran for president and he ran for president Lawrence Krause. We're going to laugh about this.

Ed Larson: Really? Yes. You're going to love the fact that he did a gigantic, really weird, anti-Semitic, like, rundown. He's like a full weirdo anti-vaxxed.

Henry Zebrowski: I know it doesn't seem like he would be. It seems like he was right on the level.

Ed Larson: I know. He's going to do great in jail. You're going to love him. You're going to love him. But just so you know, he also, I found that out that he also ran for president.

Henry Zebrowski: That's cool.

Ed Larson: And then he had a bunch of, in the article that he wrote, remember how he did that thing where he said, oh, you got to read the reasons why? It was like deeply anti-Semitic.

Henry Zebrowski: That would be cool if there was some kind of criteria to become president. You know, if you have to have a law degree or anything. Get out of here, you fucking weak bitch. So we got lots of stuff going on. We interviewed. Lots of stuff. We did Black Phone 2 is coming out.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: Everyone checked it out. Loved it. It was really fun. We talked with Scott Derrickson, the director. We did a partnership with them. So awesome. We got to do it. Honestly, we got into really kind of surprising territory because he was not expecting us to get to Hellraiser and all of his previous stuff. So it's a really interesting interview. And go check it out. And go and buy tickets for Eddie and I live at the Mateel Community Center in Humboldt County. October 24th. Go and check it out. We are doing a Halloween costume contest. Please show up in costume. We're going to bring some last podcast type prizes for you all. I'm giving away my Aaron Hernandez book. I'm going to sign it. I'm going to make the boys sign it, my research book. I don't need it on my shelf anymore. It's going to be really fun. One of you will like it more than me, so it's going to you.

Henry Zebrowski: And also remember, we are no longer in Cleveland. We are now in Akron.

Ed Larson: Yes, that's going to be on November 29th at the Goodyear Theater. Go switch over your tickets for that. And if you're in Akron, congratulations. Come see last podcast on the left.

Henry Zebrowski: Am I allowed to say the code on here? Does that mean anybody get tickets? If I put the code, if I say the code.

Ed Larson: I think you should hold off on the code.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, because the code is one word, but just know that. hit us up and someone will tell you if you don't know the code. There's a code word that they sent you in the email from the Cleveland venue that will transfer the ticket over to the Akron venue. But it's a word. I can't tell you the word. It's one word, though.

Ed Larson: Do you think it's Annabelle?

Henry Zebrowski: No!

Ed Larson: Robert.

Henry Zebrowski: No. My favorite dolls. Hey, listen, we also got lots of shows this weekend. We're going to be at the Papsier in Milwaukee. Check that out. That's going to be on Saturday. And like I said, on Sunday, I'm going to be a comedy at State doing stand-up with Logan Mets. And then October 25th, we're going to be in Oakland. Come check us out. That's going to be last podcast on the left proper. And then November 16th, I'm doing stand-up at Mike Drop Comedy in San Diego. And then Columbus, Ohio Side Stories on November 30th.

Ed Larson: Oh, yeah. That's going to be at the Newport Music Hall.

Henry Zebrowski: December 7th, Henry and I are going to be at Wise Guys Town Square in Las Vegas. That's December 7th. We're going to be in fucking Vegas, baby. Come check us out there. And then And of course, in Portland on December 12th and 13th, Revolution Hall. Check that out. Two nights. And then, of course, all the dates I listed earlier for 2026.

Ed Larson: Oh, yeah. And this weekend, I am doing my set on 88.5, the SoCal Sound. Come check me out. I am the artist in residence for this Saturday on 88.5, the SoCal Sound, 6 p.m. Pacific, all the way to 7 p.m. Eastern. Check out my set. It's going to get funky. And I got one last thing I want to share with the people. This is a fun thing that Julie did, and I think everyone's going to appreciate it. You like your Instagram stories? You like playing boop, boop, boop on the stories? You have fun with that?

Henry Zebrowski: I don't.

Ed Larson: You know what you do? You go hit that little icon. You search Eddie Tunes. There's some Eddie Tunes GIFs for you. I got GIFs that you can add to your stories.

Henry Zebrowski: He's got some GIFs. How wonderful is that?

Ed Larson: It's pretty great. I got GIFs. It's another just wonderful.

Henry Zebrowski: I don't even understand it, but it exists. I just love that it's another wonderful opportunity for our audience.

Ed Larson: You love it. It's free. They just love it. They just love gifts. And you know what? Our audience is so simple. That's all they need. That's all they need. The gifts are gifts. They aren't. You're free. You're free. All right. Hail Satan, everyone.

Henry Zebrowski: Hail me.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Hail me.

Henry Zebrowski: Ed Larson.

Ed Larson: Fuck at it. Yeah. Eddie Tunes. Check out my gifts.

Henry Zebrowski: Fucking assholes. Give him a gift. Give me a gift.