Side Stories: The Burbank Butt-Sniffer

Henry Zebrowski: There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

Ed Larson: First of all, I want to say thank you to everybody who reached out to me, all the kind support I had over this very difficult weekend. What happened, I buried my father this weekend with the help of Marcus and Eddie. Eddie and Marcus did try to step in for the gravedigger.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes, one of the best characters of the weekend. Oh my god, sorry for your loss. That's how we wrapped up the ceremony. Very scary man, honestly. Was very nice. A beard he could have tucked into his pants. Yeah. "Sorry for your loss." He's literally like, if you close your eyes right now and think the word "gravedigger," that's the guy. "Sorry for your loss." Tampening down the hole that they put the vase that was inside that my father was inside of. He was very good at his job. Super pro. Big pro.

Ed Larson: But I want to reach out to anybody that sent me this book that, like, I feel like I'm attacked. Someone sent the book *Joy* for me to read, as if I don't experience it.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, really?

Ed Larson: And people don't understand. I'm the most joyful person you've ever met. I don't think you can give a mad person a book called *Joy* and expect them to have a good time. If you hand me a book called *Joy*, guess what it turns into? A man called anger. Because it's nice. Thanks. But I don't need a whole book to feel joy. You know what I need to feel joy?

Henry Zebrowski: What?

Ed Larson: A fucking six pack, a bunch of ribs, and my AK-47.

Henry Zebrowski: Ah, you love your AK.

Ed Larson: Me, my AK-47, we sleep together each night.

Henry Zebrowski: You're lighting your joints with it.

Ed Larson: Oh, yes. It's covered in lipstick from me kissing it and hugging it. Like I'm Liam Neeson and my gun is Pamela Anderson.

Henry Zebrowski: It's really nice you can put a little dress on it.

Ed Larson: Yeah, they're dating.

Henry Zebrowski: Are they dating? Apparently. I love that they're dating. I think it's wonderful. Honestly, I love it. I think it's really cool. But I heard there was a rumor that it's not true, that they're not dating. They're only saying they are for the movie.

Ed Larson: Oh, it's very possible. It's very possible. But I hope they're not lying, because I'm not lying to you, my dearest audience, when I say thank you for all your support. And thanks for the joy. Get out of here.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Are you going to read *Joy*?

Ed Larson: No.

Henry Zebrowski: Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski. Would you like to burn it? I've never gotten to burn a book before. I know we could burn this one. It's free.

Ed Larson: Yeah, I know. No, honestly. Practice. I'll thumb through it. We'll take your mustache in and we'll burn the book. And I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing, buddy?

Ed Larson: I'm fine. It was actually a nice weekend. Grieving over. Done.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Book closed. Grieving completed.

Ed Larson: Yeah, it's never going to come back at all. You're never going to think about it once again. Smooth sailing.

Henry Zebrowski: I never think about my dead parents.

Ed Larson: No, it doesn't come up at all. It's not like I made a movie or anything.

Henry Zebrowski: No, I am just going to be ready to go. I'm my own father. I don't need a father anymore because I have me. You are your father.

Ed Larson: Search for new daddy. We have to announce that later on. We're not ready to announce that yet. We'll bleep it out. Pretend I said "cunt."

Henry Zebrowski: Keeping that cunt though. Keeping that cunt. We made it past the mark. We made it past the mark. I will say this weekend, I've been to a lot of funerals. It was an interesting thing. We were all going around, some people were like, "This is my first funeral, this is my first whatever." I'm like, I've been way over 20. I don't even know the number. And definitely my most stoned funeral.

Ed Larson: Great.

Henry Zebrowski: And I brought a lot of weed.

Ed Larson: Y'all brought a lot of weed. Yes. I'm very impressed with our level of weed intake.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, I saved it for after, right? I buried him sober.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Well, I mean, it was early. Yeah. And then later on, it was a morning ass funeral. It's hot. If you've ever had—I mean, I just feel like it's nice to get it done with, but it's just like, it's a way to start the day. Yeah. It was real early in the morning. It's crazy because I'm there with you and Jackie, and I got to say, if there's two people in this world that I've had the most beers with, it's probably the two of you. Close. And it was like a sober, other than the weed, a pretty sober weekend.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, yeah, it's because I was with my mom. Doesn't really—she doesn't into it. And I'm not trying to get—my father was an alcoholic.

Ed Larson: I know, but usually funerals—hammered as a funeral connoisseur. I actually prefer the weed-based funeral way more than the booze-based funeral. I think I do now. I think it's way more important because the booze one, I mean, it's just going to get you sadder. I really do. That's what's really changed. The weed is numbing.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, well, it's nice. And then I stop to feel things. So that's what I do now. I have to not smoke weed so that I can process my feelings with my fucking therapist, which I'm gonna do.

Ed Larson: He's such a fucking pussy.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, dude. He can't handle me, dude. He had to take eight weeks off for parental leave because he had a baby.

Ed Larson: Oh, yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, whatever, dude. Baby don't need therapy. Can't handle heat, huh? Of your main dish, Mr. Roast Beef, who's got daddy issues? But don't worry, I'm writing a big journal. I got a big journal. Some people call it a manifesto. That is what I'm slowly but surely carving out. But don't worry, ladies and gentlemen, you'll see the fruit of those labors next year. Notice they don't call it a "womanifesto." Not once. Because women just kill you slow and they don't tell you why they're killing you.

Ed Larson: Yeah, well, they talk you to death.

Henry Zebrowski: No. Come on. A lot of times they poison you.

Ed Larson: Oh, they love for you. Most of the times they poison you. Yeah, yeah. I actually did talk to someone tangentially connected to the Ghost Adventures crew.

Henry Zebrowski: Are they mad at us?

Ed Larson: No, no, they're fine. I mean, like, they're just in a whole world of hurt. But the fact that that lady, the guy's wife that tried to put out a hit on him, that talked with the guy that killed his family. I saw that footage!

Henry Zebrowski: Dude, did you watch any of that?

Ed Larson: Yeah, where she was just like, the cops were pretending that he was dead? Yes. And then, like, she was just like, "Oh, my God." It was very, very fucked. That was, like, one piece of court footage I watched this week. Also, the Aaron Goodwin story, it's so sad. All that stuff is just so sad with him, with his wife. But she was connected to three other family annihilators.

Henry Zebrowski: Really?

Ed Larson: She was talking to all of these like murderers and death row that she was having emotional affairs with. And then she also was having—because Grant Amato, that was the main dude she was kind of talking with who killed his family after giving all of their family's money to an OnlyFans chick in fucking Bulgaria or whatever. And then when he told her he doesn't—he's like, "My whole family said I might be going to jail." She went, "Oh, no." Like no fucking reaction. I think if your wife is constantly picking up the phone and saying the words "Yes, I accept the charges," you gotta keep an eye on her, dude. But she was having—not just like Grant Amato didn't even understand that she was cheating on him with other murderers in jail. So you can't trust a trifler. No, once a cheater, always a cheater. Doesn't matter how many of your members of your family you've killed.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, it seems like you can just call them "Human Adventures" because they seem to be more dangerous than your *Ghost Adventures*. Very much so. They might need to start focusing on people because people are the scariest of all. But Grant, you know, it's just hard. I trust my wife.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: I don't think she's plotting to kill me with anybody else. I don't think she could.

Ed Larson: Oh, she could.

Henry Zebrowski: No, emotionally, I don't think Natalie could hurt somebody. No, definitely not. No, she's too kind. But she would definitely—but, you know, husbands are different.

Ed Larson: Yeah. They are different. Husbands just get fucking killed. Husbands get fucking killed. This part of the couch smells bad now.

Henry Zebrowski: Yep. Sorry. That's just my body. It's the one chair I sit in, and then for some reason I've made it disgusting with just my back. I didn't know I could do what my father did. Also, I do find it interesting, and I'm saving this for the show for Eddie, is that none of us wanted to sit in my father's chair in the backyard.

Ed Larson: Oh, it was comfortable.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. I could tell it was his chair.

Ed Larson: Yeah. No, when I sat in it, I was like, this is nice.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, that's where he kind of lived and died.

Ed Larson: Yeah. He was in that chair, yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, it works. We were all superstitious. We didn't want to sit in that chair. Someone had to sit in a chair. It's right in the middle. I know. But it was good. I was commanding the conversation.

Ed Larson: You did very good. You lit up a cigarette by lighting another cigarette.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. And I do think that that's how you really represented my father. And did I sit in the same spot in the couch, too?

Ed Larson: Yes. In the corner?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. That seemed like it was his spot only because that's where the teddy bear was. And so not that your dad played with the teddy bear, but the teddy bear was made out from his clothes. And so I thought I'm like, as I'm sitting there and like the bear's on top of me, I'm like, this is probably a spot. Also, my mom, my mom is like, you have to understand, too, is that like for an Italian woman to become a widow is like graduating from college. Once you finally get that place, this is what you've been angling for your whole life. The way she gave out all of the five possessions that my father had is just so brutal. She literally was like, "Who wants his gun? Who wants his gun?" You know, this is like a woman that stays in Florida. That gun goes nowhere. Why do you have his gun? Someone should be come looking for the gun.

Henry Zebrowski: No, it was not his service revolver. He gave that up when he retired. It was just his gun.

Ed Larson: Yes. But still.

Henry Zebrowski: No, dude. A lot of guns floating around. It's interesting because it's on record that he owns a gun and that he's dead. No one's asking a question about where the gun is.

Ed Larson: Well, now we're in the process. That seems like a law that should exist. We're working on it right now. Don't worry about it. We're cleaning it up. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Hello. J.D. Vance. I need to talk to you. Let me talk to you. I got to fucking—please let me talk to you. Huge fan. Can't wait to meet you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see what I did. I didn't say what I did in a microphone. See, that's how you get away with it.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're growing. See? That's nice. Because I know that sometimes they put AIs in there to listen. That's what's happening.

Ed Larson: Oh, is that what's happening? Oh, sure. Now let's fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, you robot slut. You dirty bitch.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I want to fill your gears, you little girl. You goddamn lazy clanker?

Ed Larson: I love that "clanker." I love that new term for robots. I think someone put in some tweet the idea of like, "Don't you hate it when you call up the phone service and you get some goddamn clanker on the line?" I love it. And I was like, that's a great slur for AI.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. That's great, man. Good. Because robots are like the only thing you can be racist to. I mean, hopefully until they can vote.

Ed Larson: Oh, one more cancellation around the fucking—

Henry Zebrowski: Well, we're going to have to fucking say I'm sorry for this episode 10 years.

Ed Larson: All right, here we go. Let's go. So we got some news. Fucking clankers. We don't have a lot of fucking news, but the news that we have is pretty good.

Henry Zebrowski: Okay. So first of all, I'm going to start silly.

Ed Larson: Silly?

Henry Zebrowski: I'm going to start with us, with what we cover best. The Burbank butt sniffer has been arrested. Now, this is a story that got sent to me many, many times. Now, I don't necessarily want to make light of the idea of public sexual assault. I'm not going to make light of it. But a butt sniffer is arguably the most unique version of this that I have seen. And if you see the man and the culprit who did it, Khalees Karan Crowder, 38 years young, you'd actually wonder why he wasn't called the "butt listener."

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: Because the man has—I am not joking, this is not an exaggeration—for ears he has two trombones. That is the largest, whitest ears I have ever seen on a person.

Ed Larson: Yeah, because I don't even know if you'd call that cauliflower ear. No, it's not cauliflower ear because cauliflower ear has like a shape to it. Like, what are those ears? Was that man pulled by his ears by a tractor trailer? I think he was able to get away with this so long by being able to listen that no one was sneaking up behind him.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh my god. You think he put his ear down to the ground like one of those Native American trackers and he could hear where butts were? Like, "There's a big badonkadonk over there. Now, someone's twerking on aisle seven. Oh, I gotta go. I gotta smell the drift." Nothing like a butt drift. Now, I actually—so we have footage here. So this man, I guess, had been around town. This was footage that was shot in Glendale. He goes to various shopping areas.

Ed Larson: Is it always a bookstore or is that just where he got caught?

Henry Zebrowski: Nordstrom Rack, you know. He was at the Rack. He also was at like two bookstores. And I think the reason why is actually—bookstores, it's a very specific set of circumstances that help his crimes. So what he would do, it seems, is that he'd get down low. Now you've seen this video here. Many people have come to me saying that they recognize the guy. "It felt like anywhere I moved, he kept following me, so I recorded just in case he was trying to say anything or do anything to me, but I definitely didn't expect him to do this." Like, what the—pretending to be like crouching down by a bookshelf and then coming behind me and smelling me. And he does the same thing to another girl.

Ed Larson: Yeah. So what you could see is that he's down on the ground, he's pretending like he's looking at the bottom shelf of books, and then he does this thing where he goes and he's—let's just, you know, no uncertain terms—he sniffs the butt.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. But this is my thing. When you're—I'm not saying that there's nothing—it's not about technique or whatever, but have you ever smelled the pants of a woman?

Ed Larson: No. Try it.

Henry Zebrowski: A lot of pants now, it seems—I might be wrong, Side Stories, LPOTL—I do my wife's laundry. I can give this a shot. But while they're on her, is that what I've discovered is, is that there's—I think, isn't there material in a lot of these yoga pants that specifically cut down the smell that can escape the butt?

Ed Larson: I mean, I think ladies just clean themselves better than we do.

Henry Zebrowski: No, I mean, not necessarily. Depends on what part of the fucking monetary cycle we're at.

Ed Larson: Okay.

Henry Zebrowski: Because I wonder if, like, if you smell at a woman's butt, if you just smell—smell at a woman's butt. That's an interesting sentence. What kind of smell are you even getting out of it? Like, the thing, I feel like you really got to be up in it. And his nose does get very close to the crack. He's a little too adventurous for sure.

Ed Larson: Oh, he's flying close to the buns. That is for certain. Like, he has got to be careful. His wings will melt. Obviously, this is like a beatable offense, but what is the crime?

Henry Zebrowski: Well, yes, the crime is this. I do think that you are violating somebody's personal space. You're smelling their butt. People don't like it. People get super upset about it. He was arrested for this because now we have some footage of him smelling butts.

Ed Larson: Yes. But I guess it's like, I am glad he's not—because we've had butt slashers. Do we know what his charge is?

Henry Zebrowski: I think it's—I think he's doing a legal nose-based activity. I'm pretty certain that's how they actually got a lot of people in the old days with the coke charges.

Ed Larson: Yeah, I think it was obviously sexual assault. You'd call it a sexual harassment, at least.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. Because if he's not touching you, I actually don't know. Side Stories, lpotl at gmail.com here. What is the available crimes? It says he was arrested and charged with loitering with intent to commit a crime.

Ed Larson: Sure. That makes sense. I guess that's the—if you're going to get him, that's how you'd immediately pick him up. Because he's on a corporate—he's in a private business.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: I'm not sticking up for him, but this feels like that's not good enough to hold water in court. It might. I feel like there's a lot of people that are going to say this, and I'll say to them, they're like, "Oh, it's because you're a butt sniffing pervert that just wants to create a legal loophole for yourself." But I think that there are people that would say that you're going to be—I think a jury. I think if you put this in front of a jury. I mean, he's obviously sniffing this woman's butt, and we do know that is wrong.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes.

Ed Larson: Now, but if you put it in front of a jury, first of all, how do you build that jury for people that would be fair to this crime? You're going to have people that are like, "Yeah, of course, sniffing butts. This is America. My nose is as free as my feet."

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: "You mean to tell me I can't sniff your butt?" I think the key is physical proximity, is that if I could smell your butt from here, that's your problem, right? But don't you have to wait till actual contact is made for assault?

Henry Zebrowski: I don't think so. I don't think so.

Ed Larson: Okay. Does this change anything? In 2023, he was allegedly caught peeping into a family's home in Glendale, but he was released later due to the jail being overcrowded.

Henry Zebrowski: Okay.

Ed Larson: And he was also rearrested for failing to register with the local police.

Henry Zebrowski: I wonder what it's like.

Ed Larson: Yeah. I wonder what it's like eating dinner. I wonder what it's like having a father ask me how my day was.

Henry Zebrowski: Is that what he's peeping at? No, he's not trying to look at the family.

Ed Larson: Oh, I wish someone would ask me what my day was like. I'd say, "Well, Dad, I sniffed a butt this morning. And now I'm here eating liver and onions with you. Now can I smell your butt? Because I'm just looking for a butt to steal." People are really saying here, wow. No, the wife of former L.A. Lakers forward Robert Horry accused this man, the butt sniffer, of stalking their teenage daughter more than a decade prior.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, geez.

Ed Larson: She said that he should be put away for good. I agree that this is one of those crimes forever. But this is one of those crimes that is no way is not going to escalate. He's going to escalate. This is very similar to me to the very nefarious beginnings of the Lake Tahoe toe sucker and a guy grabbing people's feet and guys doing stuff like that. On some level, it's intro. It's physical assault.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes, but this is still a violation of people's personal space. I'm not saying don't lock this guy up. I'm just saying we got to make sure we got the right charge. I know. I'm with you, Eddie. I just don't know how much smells he's getting out of just pants. I just feel like if you're wanting to really smell a woman's butt, you're going to have to pay a lady to get her underwear. I don't think this guy's got money.

Ed Larson: Oh, yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: It is the issue. I don't think he's got money. So is this a monetary issue? Would a UBI stop butt sniffers?

Ed Larson: You know, it's one of those things where I always like—as I story, tell PODL at gmail.com. It's about the thrill.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, yes, definitely. It's about the thrill.

Ed Larson: No, you want to sneak a sniff, but it's very difficult to get. I always thought about that about like Harvey Weinstein. Why didn't he just like get, you know, sex workers? It's called transgression. It's because it's the transgression. He likes the fact that he can lord the power over you. It's not about the sex. He likes the fact that he has something that you want from him and he's going to try to get what he can from you. And that is the main problem with this situation.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, yes, it's sniffing butts. It's not because, you know, like some people, you could smell someone's perfume.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: But you're also not going to stick your face in their neck to get it.

Ed Larson: No.

Henry Zebrowski: Unless you're a cool guy. If you're like a kind of romantic guy. Also, perfume is something you put on for other people to smell.

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: Your butt, you don't sit there and be like, "I can't wait for someone to smell this butt." Or if you are, you know, you got it scheduled.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Or you put perfume in your butt. Or you just—you got a stinky butt. Which isn't a horrible idea, by the way.

Ed Larson: No, it's not.

Henry Zebrowski: And a stinky butt. Some people like the perfume of just that.

Ed Larson: Yeah. All right? But normally you have an appointment for that. And you know it's going to happen. It just doesn't happen to you at the Barnes & Noble while you're reading a Hillary Clinton memoir.

Henry Zebrowski: Man, I would love to just make this guy smell my farts for a while.

Ed Larson: See, that's what I think. That should be his punishment. That's the punishment. It's like you hire me to drink a case of IPA. I think that's exactly what this—we go shit in this man's mouth. This man should have to go to a Delta lounge at 8:45 in the morning and experience true ass. Because that's the thing. Right now, when you're sniffing cute girls' butts, right? That's sniffing butt. This motherfucker needs to experience some man ass.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes.

Ed Larson: Which is a full-on me having eaten a bunch of curry at 11 p.m. the night before. I drank four beers in my bed watching Forensic Files. I've now gotten two hours of sleep. I'm at the airport. I just said the words, "I'm so sick, I don't feel good, man." That's what he needs to experience. Because then, if you can smell—that's what he likes, right? If you like fucking farts, it should be like—yeah, when your father finds you smoking a cigarette, then he makes you smoke the whole pack. Now you gotta fucking have the most farts at once. And if that still makes you hard—if that makes him hard—then I think we should—

Henry Zebrowski: Beat him to death?

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. No, I know. We shouldn't beat him to death. I just think that we should just—we should find a way for him to get—is there like a methadone of ass?

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: If there's like a thing he could get that could curb his—like he just fart in a jar and he could just—can they hypnotize him?

Ed Larson: Oh, permanent.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh. Permanent clothespin. Super glue clothespin to his nose.

Ed Larson: Whoa.

Henry Zebrowski: Chemical castration of a butt sniffer. I do think that you get—hmm. Maybe there's a hypnism here that can make butts smell good. He's got that already, but I need like the opposite.

Ed Larson: Oh, so like if all butts did smell good, maybe he would stop sniffing butts, because I think he likes to smell farts and butt.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, we'll find out. Either way, he's getting locked up. No more butt sniffer in our town. I can throw my ass out in any neighborhood Burbank store and not worry about this man catching a whiff.

Ed Larson: Yep. Because when I fart, I'm farting for the community. $100,000 bail.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: Well, you only got to pay 10% of that. It's still 10 grand. This man's sniffing butts as a hobby. I don't think he's got it.

Henry Zebrowski: You know, I am actually very thankful that they gave him a pretty high bond for this because I do think that he's on his way to doing something extremely bad.

Ed Larson: Do you think he has a public defender?

Henry Zebrowski: I hope so. I hope so. "Hi, hello, I'm your pubic hair lawyer. Yep, yep. As you can see, unsure. Why would I? You see my pube window? Yes, I do that to show the judge I mean business. Now let's get to sniffing butts, shall we? Fly from your blade."

Ed Larson: Here's another story. Now, if anybody's been following Jeremy Corbell.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, this is so interesting. Friend of the show.

Ed Larson: Part of, you know, he's with George Knapp, our favorite investigative reporter for their show, *Weaponized*. Jeremy Corbell has received several pieces of, I would say, shit from the audience over the years. People obviously, you know, they're not—

Henry Zebrowski: Our audience?

Ed Larson: I mean, every audience. But they're always nice, our audience. They're so kind.

Henry Zebrowski: I know.

Ed Larson: But Jeremy Corbell, obviously, he's a bit of a salesman edge to him, so I think some people don't really like—like, he rubs people wrong, but the man's heart is in the right place, and he's obsessed with finding out the truth. Now, Jeremy Corbell and George Knapp have been talking about the concept of disclosure for a very long time, and the idea—

Henry Zebrowski: That's a Demi Moore film.

Ed Larson: Ooh, yeah it is.

Henry Zebrowski: But that's not what I'm talking about.

Ed Larson: Great film, though.

Henry Zebrowski: That's a sexy film. That's the one where she's the boss. She pulls it on the guy. That's a whole thing.

Ed Larson: Yeah, that's nice. Michael Douglas didn't have a chance. Not a fucking shot in the world. You gotta keep your job, bro.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, she's got the hell my bodies on.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: All right, let's move on. Sorry, I digress.

Ed Larson: So for years, the UFO community—years since the beginning of the UFO community—we've been talking about this concept of disclosure and this idea that one day the government will either be compelled by either their own purposes or by just the sheer love of truth that they will come out and tell us every single thing they know about UFOs that they've been hiding for years and it's going to come and it's going to come any day, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Henry Zebrowski: I mean, I feel like if they had anything, now would be the exact time to release all that information.

Ed Larson: Oh, believe me.

Henry Zebrowski: Because he's releasing—Trump's releasing anything but the Epstein file. It's like anything but it.

Ed Larson: Also, I don't know if you noticed the thing with Trump just basically admitting that the land deal between him and Epstein was actually never the fight. He was angry that he scooped Virginia Giuffre and the other 16-year-old masseuses he had on Mar-a-Lago. And he said those words into a camera. He just said it out loud. And that's the woman who accused them and then committed suicide after Perwick told them to believe her. Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish. Yes. Yes, Virginia Giuffre. Yes, absolutely. So we know that he's super honest. So we know they're looking to release anything right now. And for a long time that like, well, last like two, three years, the term that's really been has been the concept of catastrophic disclosure. So one version is that there will create a legal venue for whistleblowers to tell their stories. That's I think that David Gresh did. And a couple of these various we've seen these like government entities trying to like hold conferences talking about UFOs. And they're saying, "Oh, we're going to create this transparent reporting system, blah, blah, blah." Nothing. Right. All that fucking completely shut down. No one's doing any of that. And then they said catastrophic disclosure was going to happen, meaning that someone was just going to leak really crazy information. It was going to come out and it was going to change the face of the world, blah, blah, blah. We haven't seen that yet either. Jeremy Corbell, who now is my friend, it's nice, but he messages me late at night, footage of UFO that's actually quite scary. And he shows all the stuff. Some of it gets debunked, some of it doesn't, but mostly what Jeremy Corbell has been saying now, I find very interesting. So his latest theory is that even just the idea of disclosure has been put out as a sort of psychological warfare technique. Now, we know the United States government, as much as they say that they don't care, they obviously give a shit, right? Because they have spent years, decades, infiltrating UFO research groups with various intelligence operatives. They care enough about the information to lie about it. And we know that.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, we know they're not telling us everything. But why?

Ed Larson: Right? Because the big thing was why? Why? Because they're worried we're going to flip out. That's part of it. They think it's going to destroy the social hierarchies. It's going to destroy religion. It's going to destroy all of this stuff. But then there were some things that were like, "Yeah, no, that is our footage. And we don't know what that is. That is a UAP." And then everyone didn't care. It's because people don't care. And also because the main issue is stuff like, you know, many people are still to this day absolutely devoted members of the Catholic Church, even though it's filled with child molesters. So you notice you don't need to shake it up. No one's going to get shaken up from their religious anything. Nothing's going to do that.

Henry Zebrowski: Right.

Ed Larson: So that's like that's why they keep saying all of these reasons why. But it's seeming it's because they don't know what the hell is going on. And now there's a new line of thought that's very interesting. And Jeremy Corbell believes that his new concept of disclosure is that the United States government is going to lie and it's going to say that there is going to be a giant ship on its way. Okay. We're tracking it. So it's going to be a lie, though. So he's saying this doesn't exist. No, that there is nothing on its way, but they're going to use this as a way to shut people up about the subject and also to create a fun timeline for them. It creates this thing of like, "Oh, we'll tell everybody in the next 100 years that it's coming."

Henry Zebrowski: Right. When is it supposed to come? Whenever.

Ed Larson: So everyone's like, "All right. All right, Jeremy Corbell. Maybe. Who knows?"

Ed Larson: Cut to as he's saying this, the New York Post drops this article. Very reliable, but that's why though, it's a mechanism, Eddie. Yeah. "Rare interstellar object the size of Manhattan could be an alien probe according to Harvard scientists." Harvard scientists, same people who took Jeffrey Epstein's money. So these guys are, you know, they are now saying that they have tracked this giant Manhattan-size object that is outside our solar system. They said they found it on July 1st. It's going at 140,000 miles per hour. It's fast.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, very, very, very, very fast.

Ed Larson: Avi Loeb, who's like the big UFO Harvard guy, he says it's technically, this is what they call, it's the only, it's the third interstellar traveling object ever detected. He is saying that he thinks it could be an intelligently directed alien craft observing Earth with possibly hostile intentions. The hypothesis in question is that this object is a technological artifact and furthermore has active intelligence. If this is the case, then two possibilities follow according to Dr. Avi Loeb: first, that its intentions are entirely benign, and second, they are malign.

Henry Zebrowski: Great. So no answer. No answer at all.

Ed Larson: Now it seems they're saying that it changed directions and it made a tilt, and it's mean, like all this stuff. But it's a direct offshoot of what Jeremy Corbell was saying, of this idea of creating a phantom object that's on its way. And I don't know. I personally still believe that it is not as simple as things that live on another planet.

Henry Zebrowski: The object's got a very Close Encounters vibe. Yes. It is very interesting looking. It is a bunch of... it looks like a giant line in the sky. Actually, it is with lights. Yes. It's very frightening actually, but also could be completely made up.

Ed Larson: No fucking idea.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. And so my end question to you, Eddie, is why then lie about it now? Why lie now? Why do anything? Why not just let it die?

Ed Larson: Well, here's the thing about lying about it now, which is why I don't know if they are, because it's not like this is a popular thing. You know, this isn't like...

Henry Zebrowski: You don't think... I actually weirdly do think it's a popular thing.

Ed Larson: I haven't read about it or heard about it until right before we walked in here.

Henry Zebrowski: But you see, what that does is that that article floods throughout all the UFO subreddits, floods throughout all of the conspiracy theory websites. It just floods. So it's what you'd call a limited hangout, where you drop it in this little piece of this little thing. And then everybody, because it's so nonchalantly saying such a wild speculation.

Ed Larson: Yeah. It travels fast. Yeah. And I do, you know, I think a lot of times whenever I read the news, I like to use my deductive reasoning. Like, who's telling me the news? It's coming from the New York Post.

Henry Zebrowski: Exactly. Very right leaning. You're correct.

Ed Larson: Newspaper. And so I feel like there's a really good chance this is an incredible distraction post. A very distraction-based article.

Henry Zebrowski: From what? You know, and then if you want to like, because right now they're losing their conspiracy theory base, you know, all those. And so why not throw a really crazy conspiracy story at all of us to get us cooking? Well, the new one's now going to be the... the very big conspiracy theories that are about to come shooting down the pipe, you fucking bet money on this, is that Ghislaine Maxwell is going to point fingers at anybody but Trump.

Ed Larson: I mean, why would we believe anything she says?

Henry Zebrowski: Because people hate women and they will actively not care about all the victims in this scenario. They already don't.

Ed Larson: They don't.

Henry Zebrowski: So, they actually kind of like that Ghislaine made victims of other women. Yeah. That's what I think. I think that the audience that is willing to accept lies from Ghislaine Maxwell considers her a man.

Ed Larson: But why?

Henry Zebrowski: We're like sex trafficking. That's a man's job. Good work. Good work, lady. You really have the labia to get that handled. Good work. It's our job wrangling up a woman. But my thing is, why didn't she say this shit when she got arrested in the first place?

Ed Larson: Because she didn't have the opportunity to get pardoned. That wasn't being floated at the time. She didn't have an administration in the fucking crosshairs like they are right now. She didn't have that.

Henry Zebrowski: But you just say that Trump was there or someone else was there. No one will believe her. But why believe her now?

Ed Larson: Understand that no one will believe her if she says that Trump was there. They will believe her if she says that everybody else was there, which is what they're looking for. This is exactly what they're looking for. They're looking for her to say all of those things and they're going to pardon her and she's just going to be free.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. And she's going to do it again.

Ed Larson: I do, but I don't know if she'll be able to do it again.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, no, they figured that out. You don't think she's going to go to fucking Turks and Caicos or like go to some fucking... she's going to go straight to some castle in England and there's going to be little girls in there rubbing fucking Prince Andrew's feet in like six weeks. It's going to fucking happen.

Ed Larson: How is she going to build the good faith?

Henry Zebrowski: Because she already had it. She's got all the connections. I'm talking. If you beat the rap, you beat that rap. Twice.

Ed Larson: Dude, you beat that rap. Look at what happened. I mean, I know this is ridiculous. Look at John Gotti. Him beating those raps just made him stronger. Look at Donald Trump. Eventually, eventually. Sure. Every time they win, they get stronger. So if she gets pardoned, there's no crimes, Eddie. All the crimes are gone. It's all erased. None of it happened. It's all gone.

Henry Zebrowski: So that's the big conspiracy theory, and that's gonna happen.

Ed Larson: You think so?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: I just don't think they're going to get away with that.

Henry Zebrowski: The only way, if their arrangement actually is going to go south, we're going to see a gray standing next to Trump with a fucking noose around its neck. That is what's going to happen. If that plan doesn't work, the next plan is there's going to be two people in gray costumes next to Trump. Yeah. Doing the first Zeta Reticula golf course. All right. So we know that no matter what, she ain't going to roll on Trump because that's not going to help her. We know. Now, let me ask you this. If she rolls on some other people, people who were there, people who did do the crimes.

Ed Larson: Well, they need to have very... she has apparently two boxes of evidence that she brought into a private meeting with representatives from the DOJ.

Henry Zebrowski: Why didn't we take all of her shit when she went to prison?

Ed Larson: Because it's her stuff. It doesn't make any sense. She built it up over time. If you actually, remember those John Wayne Gacy interviews I sent you to watch for fun? When you watch those things, you know he had that big evidence file. She can do all that from jail. She can print all that out within jail and she's had nothing but time to sit and work on this gigantic file folder of information that she says that she has that is ironclad. It's going to knock everybody out.

Henry Zebrowski: Not like they have a hundred thousand pages of Epstein files inside of the White House right now that they have read, that they specifically had orders to flag Trump's name in, that they had specific orders to cut around and to completely redact. So it's, I mean, that shit's gone. All that's gone. Now DOJ is coming out and saying, actually, we do have the video with the missing minute. We do have it. We're just, you know, it's just, they're just bad at lying.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: You know what the crazy part is? If she does roll on Clinton, we can't do anything about it because of the laws that Trump put in place.

Ed Larson: Yep. It's pretty... seems to really work out for everybody. It's almost like they're all on one team and nobody cares.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, because they're friends. Yep. Because they're all friends. They're all friends and we're just not friends with them. So remember that. Remember that.

Ed Larson: All right. So I'm gonna be yelling out this the rest of my fucking life or our night.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. I'm never gonna get past this.

Ed Larson: Yeah. It's so funny because we got there. That's why instead of reading the Epstein files, we were talking about aliens. We were. That's why instead of reading the Epstein files, I'm reading this book called Joy.

Henry Zebrowski: Ah, yes. Because you see, see how wide my smile is while I'm holding it? But the way that person's stretching their leg, you can really get a good sniff of that ass. See? Honestly, I'm saying if a guy's smelling your butt, just let him finish.

Ed Larson: Now, should we be smelling our wives' butts more?

Henry Zebrowski: I do smell them. I have.

Ed Larson: Really? You get in there. You never just lay your head on your wife's butt while she's laying on the couch or something?

Henry Zebrowski: She doesn't lay on her stomach. You flip her over. I'm a lap man. I put my head on her lap. But now we've got a lot of colloidal silver and stuff in the pants.

Ed Larson: I like it when she rubs my hair and like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch on that.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Oh, fuck you. I wear a hat to bed.

Ed Larson: All right. I want to talk about this.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. I don't know. I'm sorry we went for MC. It's just hard because it's the... I'm just, you know, again, my father's funeral this weekend. So I read a lot about Jeffrey Epstein.

Ed Larson: Yeah. It really fuels me.

Henry Zebrowski: It's good. You gotta channel that energy. Really fuels me.

Ed Larson: Here we go. We got this other. Let's do this one last story. This is a really fucked up story.

Henry Zebrowski: All right. Yeah.

Ed Larson: Oh, the... the called the Arkansas one. Yes. A man and a woman who recently moved to northwest Arkansas. They were... no one does that by the way. Don't do that. They were brutally murdered on a hiking trail. Clinton David Brink, 43, and Kristin Amanda Brink, 41. They had just moved into town. They were hiking and a man attacked them in a long-sleeved shirt. He wasn't wearing a mask. It was a white dude, a smaller guy. Stabbed them brutally to death in front of their children. Their children ran to go to the park rangers. They stopped them. So we don't know who the guy is. We don't know who did this. So we don't know why he did it. We don't know who they... they knew no one. They had just moved into the neighborhood. They were just avid hikers. They were brutally attacked. No one knows whether or not it was staged or not, or if it was planned ahead of time, or if they were trying to kill the entire family because the kids escaped.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, who are the people? What did they do for a living?

Ed Larson: They were just normal-ass people. No information. We don't know what he quite stabbed them with. We know that they truly were just normal. They moved there, I guess, because it was an affordable part. They had moved from Miles City, Montana. This is such a crazy job. It's barely being reported on.

Henry Zebrowski: Well, it's because right now there is not a heck of a lot of information, but we have a very specific angle. So they were murdered in a place called Devil's Den.

Ed Larson: Now, Devil's Den State Park is also, for those of you that are big Last Podcast on the Left listeners, known for the fact that it is also the site of the alien abduction of Terry Lovelace.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, we're back in the aliens. Right back in aliens. So all of this happened at the same time.

Ed Larson: I'm not privy to this story. Can you give me a quick one?

Henry Zebrowski: Terry Lovelace wrote a book called The Incident in Devil's Den. Now, this is the reason why it's so interesting is that it was in 1977. He was abducted by what he can only describe as two giant monkey people. Okay. He said that he woke up in the middle of the night while he was camping to see four gray, two-foot-tall monkeys with large yellow eyes, long arms, and tails. After staring at him with broad grins for a while, they said, this is according to Terry, "Come play with us. We'll have fun."

Ed Larson: So they spoke English?

Henry Zebrowski: "And we'll take you back home in just a little while." Yeah. There were monkeys. They were aliens.

Ed Larson: Oh.

Henry Zebrowski: Now, no one believed the man. But you know what you're going to do? You know what you're going to do? Yeah. So he went to these... his first... his brother who was a young man. He said he hid under the couch and he waited until she was on the phone. He was so freaked out that he made his sister wet her pants.

Ed Larson: Well, that's cool.

Henry Zebrowski: When Terry's father confronted him about this. Usually when I get scared, I wet my own pants. That's just weird, but like osmosisly wet someone else's pants.

Ed Larson: Well, I mean, that's what the butt sniffer's got to do. I just pissed your pants.

Henry Zebrowski: Wow, yes, because he did write this poem. That's right. "Nightmares returned. He had nightmares of big insect-like things that were, in his words, manipulating tools with long, thin fingers." Oh, yeah, he wrote a poem. "Shadows from the hallway crept into my room. Long the monkey men too, I assume. Never before in life had I seen a creature that grinned before I could scream. A candle's flame dances before it grows dim. One monkey man's shadow had slowly crept in. On his knees and with ease, he is perched on the edge of my bed, if you please. The silence was broken one inch from my ear as the monkey man whispered, 'My boy, I'm right here.'"

Ed Larson: So that's the thing. I don't know whether or not this guy's one of the monkey men. We don't know, and we might not ever know.

Henry Zebrowski: So back to the couple that was killed.

Ed Larson: Oh, you want to talk about the real story. They do have a person of interest. They have a picture of him. This guy, it's his back unfortunately. This is the guy. It's a white dude. Here's the sketch of his face. He's just a regular ass looking white dude. He looks like fucking Gary Sinise.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Oh my god, where's Gary Sinise?

Ed Larson: Oh my god, Gary Sinise, where does he live? I mean, the real crime is he's wearing fingerless gloves.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh wow, yeah. How do you... Wow, you know what's weird is that when you typed in "where does Gary," he immediately auto-corrected to "where does Gary Sinise live."

Ed Larson: Oh really?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Calabasas.

Ed Larson: So lots of people are asking. Calabasas, California. I bet he does well in Calabasas. That seems like the right town for him. He seems like a nice man. I bet he's wonderful. He does a lot for soldiers. Cranpill Eve, he's got a... I couldn't believe when I saw him, he has legs.

Henry Zebrowski: Can't believe it.

Ed Larson: He was wearing tall green socks, though, so we knew that he was ready for action.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. If he ever had to be Lieutenant Dan. You know, two seconds, the computer will make my legs disappear.

Ed Larson: Hey, give me two seconds, I'll do it with an axe.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, yeah. Yeah, so this is the story. This is all we know so far. It is a very haunting story. It's really fucked up because they just were straight up thrill killed. And no one should be thrill killed while hiking. If I'm going to get thrill killed, I hope I'm at the dentist.

Ed Larson: Why does it never happen there?

Henry Zebrowski: I mean, there's too many other people there. This guy's in the middle of the woods. You're going to thrill kill someone, you kill them in the woods.

Ed Larson: Well, did you see the story about the guy who stabbed like 10 people in a Walmart?

Henry Zebrowski: Yes.

Ed Larson: That's a fucked up story and he didn't wait to be in fucking private. Everyone lived.

Henry Zebrowski: Whoa, he just stabbed a bunch of people in wheelchairs. That's too easy.

Ed Larson: Yeah, come on, bro. You know, dude, you got to be careful with that, man. If I was in a wheelchair, too, I'd be fucking... Why are there no souped-up wheelchairs?

Henry Zebrowski: There are.

Ed Larson: No, like, why is there no straight-up, high-level Escalade versions of wheelchairs? I mean, I get that. I bet there is.

Henry Zebrowski: I've looked this up many times, and I've seen nothing. I want a full-on, body-armor-capable setup. I want to be able to get up to 45 miles per hour, multiple mediums. I want to be able to go through highway to street to mud. I mean, look at these. Look at this one right there. This one's got some treads on it.

Ed Larson: I've seen the treads.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, our buddy Jason's got the treads. He's got the treads.

Ed Larson: Yeah, but this one's cool. He put some flames on the side of it. But he didn't like the treads. But why are there not the rest of it's not more souped up? Why isn't there ones with more like temperature control, like more like stuff like that? Like you can put like you can temperature control. You have to put a roof on it. That'd be cool. Why are there no more mini chairs with roofs on them like little cubes?

Henry Zebrowski: I mean, that should be cool. I mean, look at this one. That's awesome.

Ed Larson: Yeah, that's a classic. We see.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, that's fancy. Who's doing that?

Ed Larson: Oh, that's Ferrari.

Henry Zebrowski: Wow. Do you have to buy a Ferrari wheelchair first?

Ed Larson: Those are one of those where you have to get like four or five wheelchairs. I think these are just AI imagination. Unfortunately.

Henry Zebrowski: Get that out of here. Get that out of here. They're pretty cool. Man, what the fuck? Why isn't that happening, though? That should be a thing.

Ed Larson: I got to tell you this, Henry. You're not going to like to hear it. People don't like the handicapped. People don't want to help them.

Henry Zebrowski: We love the handicapped. We love the handicapped, yes, because they're human beings. But I think there is a whole... The world does not like people who are disabled.

Ed Larson: I just feel like we're leaving money on the table here.

Henry Zebrowski: That we are.

Ed Larson: I feel like there's a way to upsell anybody.

Henry Zebrowski: Do I smell Last Podcast on the Left wheelchair?

Ed Larson: Oh, my God.

Henry Zebrowski: Coming to the merch page? Last Podcast on the Left collabs with Miata to make a scream chair.

Ed Larson: Oh, the scream chair. You'll scream your way all the way to the doctor's office.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, yeah. You're going to be like, "Oh, I've ever wanted to get to the local wheelchair tire place in under seven minutes?" Man, I remember my grandfather's rascal. He could really get that thing up, dude. He could really get that thing cooking. He would bring it over drawbridges and shit. He took it on real roads.

Ed Larson: I love that. That's what I'm saying. Give it some cover. Give it some enclosure. Let's get this thing up to 55.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can already get the ones that work pretty good. You can take those places. Higher. Where's my Wario chair? Where's my fucking Eggman chair that flies? Where's my hover chair? We don't have hover cars. Why can't they have hover chairs? I guess you start with chairs. How easy would it be? It's just one guy. Yeah. Flop him up there. You're right. And then if you're using a wheelchair, your legs are not going to weigh as much as your top. It's not like me where I'm thick all the way through.

Ed Larson: Well, you know, you're not thick all the way through. I'm just saying in terms of like you could get it up there easier, right? You're right. I think we can get you up there. Side stories, [email protected]. Where's our hover chairs?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, where are the hover chairs, folks? Look at that guy. He's standing on a drone. That's not a hover chair. He's standing. That's fucking kind of Robotnik-y, though, I think.

Ed Larson: Dude, but you're looking, that's Green Goblin-like. But also, you're looking at him flying around, and it's a guy who's capable enough to stand. He should be sitting. You know, if Stephen Hawking didn't have a special, too special of a chair. I just think because he didn't want to brag.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, yeah.

Ed Larson: Yeah, I think he was humble. He was humble.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, it's one thing I know about Stephen Hawking. Very humble. He's humble. I just think that he wasn't ready for it. Whoa, that's awesome. Is he really sitting on that drone?

Ed Larson: Looks like it.

Henry Zebrowski: Awesome! That's what I want! Whoa, he's sitting on it like it's a toboggan! That's awesome! That's cool. That's like a motorcycle drone. I want to fucking... I just want to terrorize people for good!

Ed Larson: You can. Go to the Barnes & Noble. Sniff some butts.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, no. I don't want to sniff. Now we know it's a crime.

Ed Larson: Yeah. I dare you to sniff my fucking dick!

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, you don't got that fuck. Everyone's just like, "Alright, I'll sniff your cock. Alright, sure, okay, I'll sniff your fucking dick. Smells like pussy."

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: Let's get some listener emails.

Ed Larson: Now we're going to keep... We have a new stinger obviously. We've been trying to do new stingers, but we liked the one last week from so much, we're just going to replay it.

Henry Zebrowski: We're going to play it again?

Ed Larson: Yep!

[Stinger plays: "It's listener email time with Ed and Henry, the favorite guys with ghosts and gods and tequila and greens. Damn! Fuck! Yeah! Fuck! Yeah!"]

Henry Zebrowski: Wow! God damn, I want to hear some emails.

Ed Larson: So good. I wish the emails were as good as the stinger.

Henry Zebrowski: Now, I will say... Yeah, right? The dude who wrote that song? Who's that guy? That's Dakota Rolfe. Write some emails. Yeah, try some emails. Because you're so good at this. So good. Yeah, let's see some emails.

Ed Larson: I would like to first say, I'll say this truly. If you're looking to have your father be buried on a weekend, have him be buried on the same weekend that a legendary dad rock man has also died. Because having my father go into the ground at the same time as Ozzy Osbourne's death was such a great moment for me in terms of music. Because it was just so amazing to look and rock "No More Tears" on the way to the fucking funeral, dude. Because I'll see you. I'll see you on the other side. Dude, seeing "No More Tears," it sucked up. It made me feel strong about death. Yeah. So first thing I got here is whales and whaling Japan, right? Everyone's saying it's not good. Yeah. So pretty much everybody have said they have. Eddie was right to defend, to fight against it. Everyone's basically said because I was really nervous about how hard I came for the Japanese. I was like, "Oh no, am I gonna get killed for this?" No, mostly people understand that it's an antiquated historical tradition that they do in Japan. There's a lot of people, I found it interesting, they said people like if you work in Japanese businesses, they found that people were getting disappointed because one of the big things that they would do for one of the traditional ways to celebrate somebody who's retiring is to take them to a whale meat restaurant. Like, that's like a very traditional celebration and now that they're closing most of the whale meat restaurants...

Henry Zebrowski: Whale meat gets you sick!

Ed Larson: But the thing is, everyone's just saying too, it's like, it's not even just that it's like, it's just that it's gross. It's that whale meat's just really gross. But it's like considered a traditional celebratory meal, so people get upset when these restaurants are getting closed, but it's also no one's eating there because the food's gross. The food looks horrible. Whale meat looks disgusting.

Henry Zebrowski: We're not supposed to eat it.

Ed Larson: No, it's just not for us. It's filled with mercury. Bad for us. It's just, I know that...

Henry Zebrowski: Get your head big.

Ed Larson: It is just a very much a... It's a tradition there that hopefully one day we'll stop, but it's just hard because it's connected to their national identity and they don't want to get rid of it, but it seems to be...

Henry Zebrowski: Why is their national identity getting sick? It's because there's certain old ways things that their country... It's like because, you know, the imperial family is still like vaguely important in Japan and certain things like that where they've already, in their view, succumbed to the West enough. So they don't want to erase many of their traditional things. But it just feels like this one could probably go. It's just like you're clearly wrong here. They just are. It's a political thing. They bring it up in election cycles. Apparently, this is like their version of... I don't know if this is a fair equation, but it seems to be.

Ed Larson: Are you going to say abortion?

Henry Zebrowski: No. I wish. No. No. To like, like daylight savings time.

Ed Larson: Okay.

Henry Zebrowski: You know how like every election cycle, somebody, one of the candidates says, "And I'll get rid of daylight saving time." And they just never do it.

Ed Larson: Yeah. Because Benjamin Franklin came up with it. No one wants to fuck with them.

Henry Zebrowski: No. That's like kind of what it is.

Ed Larson: Man.

Henry Zebrowski: So what are they going to do? So no one's going to fucking get rid of the whale meat killing?

Ed Larson: Nope. It just seems like... Continuing on.

Henry Zebrowski: It's just going to go bad.

Ed Larson: Yep. No one wants to buy it. Nothing changes. It is just what they are going to do, and we can't stop them, Eddie.

Henry Zebrowski: But I know that they got the restaurants and stuff like that, but what about the non-discriminate killing, the ones that's just done for the culling for no reason, and they just leave the bodies there?

Ed Larson: That's a part of their historical tradition, and someone is going to have to change that one day. One day, there will have to be a big enough mandate within the country that it changes. Which just seems to be getting there. So, we'll see. Donate to Sea Shepherd. Fuck these motherfuckers.

Henry Zebrowski: You know, just don't... Do you think that's why they killed the Prime Minister?

Ed Larson: Yes.

Henry Zebrowski: Do you think it was a whale?

Ed Larson: Yep.

Henry Zebrowski: I would also just say, you know, when you go to Japan, don't eat it. Certainly. Just don't eat it. I really want to go to Japan. I was offered it in Iceland.

Ed Larson: Whale?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: Really?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. It looked gross, so I didn't eat it.

Ed Larson: Yeah, they just stopped doing it over there, commercial whale fishing in Iceland. But it's still around. You didn't bring that up to me. But the meat's around.

Henry Zebrowski: I know, but when we were in Iceland together, you didn't be like, "Hey, yeah, there's a whale restaurant over there." I'm surprised you didn't think I would want to eat it.

Ed Larson: It's because, truly because of everything I had read about it, that it was so fucking gross. Yeah. That it's like, there's no point in both feeling bad and having it being disgusting.

Henry Zebrowski: What was the new animal we ate there that we loved?

Ed Larson: Reindeer.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes! If I could... I have no love for a reindeer. If I could, I would kill and eat every reindeer that I saw. And I've eaten now, and what's funny is now I've eaten American reindeer, or like I've had it in America. The Iceland reindeer is so specifically good. It's got like fattiness in it. It's so fucking tasty. It dissolved in my mouth. I hope that Santa's got to take a cab next year. I want to eat every one of them. I don't want there to be nothing but antlers left. I want to be shits and blitzing.

Ed Larson: Yep. I want to be... I want to do... I don't want to just spray my ass, but I want to just spray my toilet with Comet the cleaning stuff.

Henry Zebrowski: That's right. I want to do it with Comet himself.

Ed Larson: Now got a lot of responses about bosses with guns.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, I'm very interested in this. Is there any good ones?

Ed Larson: "When I was 19 years old, I started a new job at a local concrete construction company. Since I'm new, I was paired up with one of my fellow employees, a no-teeth-having good old boy. My job was to pretty much do whatever he says, follow him around, and help him out. Great job. Oh yeah. One day I show up to work, my no-teeth co-worker asked me how I feel about killing cats. I politely let him know I'm not a fan. He takes me to his truck, pulls out a revolver, two Glocks, two ARs, and tells me the task today is to kill the stray cats hanging around the shop. I convince him to not kill the cats. He takes me into the woods, and we shoot trees instead. I end up trapping..."

Henry Zebrowski: Was that part of the job? On the clock?

Ed Larson: "I ended up trapping all the cats and dropping them off at a local dump site around the county. So to answer your question, where does your boss keep the guns? In the back of the truck covered with a blanket."

Henry Zebrowski: See, that's the thing is that I love this guy because he also just wanted to shoot the guns. He was dissuaded from killing by just being like, "Well, can't we shoot the guys?" And they're like, "Yes." So we're seeing some of the solution right there. We're seeing some of it right there. And he said, same dude once had a porn titled "Cleaning My Cunt" play over his car Bluetooth while I was in the car with him.

Ed Larson: Oh, interesting. "Cleaning My Cunt."

Henry Zebrowski: I mean, if you're calling it your cunt, it probably needs to be cleaned. Hey, or you need to have some respect for yourself.

Ed Larson: Yeah. So someone here just says, "I also got some pushback about Dan Marino."

Henry Zebrowski: Oh, of course.

Ed Larson: People, you know, there's Jet fans out there. There are a lot of people saying one, someone saying that this is honestly one of the crueler terms I've seen, which is Dan Marino is not the greatest quarterback of all time. He had an unreal stat padding stretch from '84 through '88.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, it was unbelievable. He was the best. It was one of the best runs someone could have.

Ed Larson: They view it as a fluke. After 1986, he never threw for more than 30 touchdowns in the season. After '85, he only won his division twice.

Henry Zebrowski: Sounds like you have a balanced team.

Ed Larson: He only had seasons with a completion percentage above 60% five times.

Henry Zebrowski: What's wrong with that? Does this change it at all?

Ed Larson: Oh yeah! "This was to be the year Dan Marino, 11-year veteran quarterback, was to surpass 290 career touchdowns, 3200 completions, and 40,000 passing yards. Well, maybe next year, but you can't keep this guy out of the game. No shit, he did a Blockbuster commercial in the Wanderer. No wonder he thought yet. Can I please play now, Doug? Sorry, I just went into overtime. Stay in the game with Blockbuster and set some records of your own."

Henry Zebrowski: Wow, so he did do a Blockbuster commercial. So he did a Blockbuster commercial. That's very interesting. He works for them.

Ed Larson: Wow, he did. He works there. So of course he thought he could skip the line. But people also got it. You worked there. If you're doing the commercial, what's the point?

Ed Larson: That's a perk he probably shouldn't even have had to go to the store. They should have invented Netflix for him back then so he could have called the store and they brought it to his house.

Henry Zebrowski: All I know is I got an email from someone who worked at Borders and they said Richard Dreyfuss always waited online. Yeah, and look where Borders is now.

Ed Larson: Wow. You know a lot of people say they want open borders, but we all know that Barnes & Noble is doing a fine job.

Henry Zebrowski: Richard Dreyfuss, professional and known crank. Even he waited online.

Ed Larson: Yeah, it's because he needed something to bitch about. No, but that's what I'm saying. A lot of people resonated with me, saying celebrities should let the power of their magnatomy be shown.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. And I'm saying Dan Marino is a god. He's not a celebrity. You help him.

Ed Larson: It's called toxic fandom.

Henry Zebrowski: It's not toxic fandom. No, it's practical. He doesn't care what Dan Marino's done. If Dan Marino would have stayed in that store any longer, a crowd would have formed and the whole thing would have shut down. They wouldn't have rented any videos. It would have become a big autograph signing.

Ed Larson: We'll see. It didn't sound like it was, though, Eddie.

Henry Zebrowski: But this is not the last... I'm just hoping that Dan Marino maybe can come on the show.

Ed Larson: Oh, my God. And clear this up. I would love it.

Henry Zebrowski: Because right now, as far as I'm concerned, he's a villain and he needs to be canceled.

Ed Larson: He's not a villain, he's a hero.

Henry Zebrowski: I think he's a villain and needs to be canceled.

Ed Larson: He's the biggest hero. What are you talking about? You can't cancel Dan Marino.

Henry Zebrowski: They've tried. They've tried. They've tried. Line Gate is starting now.

Ed Larson: Lion Gate? Lion Gate is starting right now.

Henry Zebrowski: He should have had, I'll tell you the real Lion Gate, he didn't have a good enough offensive line for the second half of his career.

Ed Larson: Laces out, Dan. That's right. Laces out. The man is in one of their most popular videos. I'm just saying. Let him skip the line. You know how much money Blockbuster made off of Ace Ventura? I personally rented it like 20 times.

Henry Zebrowski: Dan Marino has the room to break his silence about hashtag Line Gate.

Ed Larson: He doesn't have to do anything.

Henry Zebrowski: Dan, if you want to come by, I would love to have you by. Right now, to me, the silence is deafening.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: And I think that the silence, the only thing less, more deafening. The roar of the crowd. I'm just saying, silence is deafening. Break the silence so we can hear something.

Ed Larson: I mean, I don't even know. I'm happy he cut the line. How many people break... I'm so sick of the term "break silence." It makes me so deeply pissed off. "Your silence is deafening" is aggravating.

Henry Zebrowski: I'm now using it when I want to piss people off.

Ed Larson: I see. That's why I did it to you. Your silence is deafening.

Henry Zebrowski: Yes. But Dan Marino's not silent. He's a commentator.

Ed Larson: No, I know. Or used to be.

Henry Zebrowski: DM him and tell him to come on Last Podcast on the Live. He is DM.

Ed Larson: Dude, DM him. You can't DM the DM, man. Mark, can you, here, lift up. Can you open up your phone right now and DM him? Your phone with him? DM him.

Henry Zebrowski: I didn't bring my phone.

Ed Larson: Well, let me see. I don't think he's on Instagram.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. Dan13Marino. Am I not following Dan Marino? Are you not following Dan Marino? He's got his business inquiries on here. Should I reach out?

Ed Larson: Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's say, I mean, definitely reach out. We should ask him about how he is reacting.

Henry Zebrowski: No, I am following Dan Marino. We should ask him how he's reacting to the current rise of allegations of his improper behavior in the 90s.

Ed Larson: Hold on. You don't attack him.

Henry Zebrowski: No, just say that.

Ed Larson: No, just start with that. No, we do not. How do you respond? How do you respond to accusations against you? Hold on a second. Allegations of improper behavior. There are no allegations. He was acting the way he should.

Henry Zebrowski: I'm just saying, don't tell him what for. Just say "gations" of activities in the 90s. Wow, Henry, you have more followers than Dan Marino.

Ed Larson: Yeah, I do. Wow.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, I do. That's fucked up.

Ed Larson: Do yourself followers. Kidding. You have more Instagram followers than Dan Marino. It's pretty cool.

Henry Zebrowski: See? Why aren't you nervous with me?

Ed Larson: He's verified. He's verified.

Henry Zebrowski: Seriously though, if we hit him with the "gations," I bet you would get our email back.

Ed Larson: Alright, I'm unfollowing you, Henry.

Henry Zebrowski: You can't unfollow me!

Ed Larson: I just did.

Henry Zebrowski: No, you gotta follow me back!

Ed Larson: No, I can't follow you back.

Henry Zebrowski: Why?

Ed Larson: I just unfollowed you.

Henry Zebrowski: Why did somebody else unfollow me?

Ed Larson: There's a consequence to your words.

Henry Zebrowski: No!

Ed Larson: There's consequences, Henry. You're insulting me!

Henry Zebrowski: I'm saying that now I don't want to hear... My father just died! I don't want to know your information. You watched me put a basket of my father's junk in the grass.

Ed Larson: Alright, I followed you back.

Henry Zebrowski: Thank you.

Ed Larson: Now you're unfollowed.

Henry Zebrowski: Alright, maybe I'll just restrict you.

Ed Larson: Yeah, restrict me. Listen, you'll never see a PR guy hit you faster than if you hit him with that "gations" word.

Henry Zebrowski: No. And that's how we start booking. Alright, first of all. That's what we should have done with Ari Aster.

Ed Larson: He did Marc Maron, though, guys. We gotta start doing that.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, he did Marc Maron. Marc Maron doesn't even have a show anymore. He's like, "I quit." And then he's got like three months of shows. You didn't quit.

Ed Larson: No.

Henry Zebrowski: He's still got new episodes coming out. He's a liar. Another liar. That's why every day, man, I get out there and I live knowing that I expose liars. I expose every day with the lamplight of truth. And we all love the fact that I'm the strongest man in the goddamn continental United States of America. And I'm the only person willing to stand up to the current administration. Also stick up for stiffers everywhere.

Ed Larson: Okay.

Henry Zebrowski: And I'm going to laugh at the fact that everyone's going to be angry at me. All right? Because-

Ed Larson: We didn't stick up for the sniffer. We didn't. You just did, though.

Henry Zebrowski: No, but I mean to. You piece of shit. The way you talk about Dan Marino in front of me is just gross. I want you to understand that what I've decided to do is, much like Batman, you understood that it's more than just being Bruce Wayne in a costume. He's a symbol. That's me. This guy's sitting here talking, working in Borders. Too real is bigger than Henry Zebrowski.

Ed Larson: No one gives a shit about Richard Dreyfuss. Some people do. Jaws is your favorite film.

Henry Zebrowski: I love Jaws. And you know what? If I was working somewhere and Richard Dreyfuss was standing there, I'd be like, "Hey, Richard, would you like to cut the line? You can cut the entire line."

Ed Larson: That's what Dan Marino should have waited for.

Henry Zebrowski: Oh.

Ed Larson: That's what I'm saying, Dan Marino. Using my words against me. Dan Marino shouldn't have to wait for it. He just walks up to the front. You take care of him and you move on. He's busy.

Henry Zebrowski: With what?

Ed Larson: His family.

Henry Zebrowski: He's over now. It's over. His family's dead.

Ed Larson: His family's not dead.

Henry Zebrowski: I mean, they're all older. He has extra family that's appearing out of nowhere.

Ed Larson: That's disgusting.

Henry Zebrowski: He has a child out of wetlock. I mean...

Ed Larson: He's got places to be.

Henry Zebrowski: That's what happens when you make wedlock wetlock.

Ed Larson: Oh, is it wedlock?

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah.

Ed Larson: It's not wetlock? What does wetlock even mean?

Henry Zebrowski: You know how it was wetlock? Yeah. It means being married. It means being married. So it was wedlock. Out of wedlock means having a baby or having sex outside of marriage.

Ed Larson: Oh. I thought you just slipped into someone's vagina because it was wet.

Henry Zebrowski: That's having a baby out of wedlock. I'm out of the wedlock and into the... It would be out of the drylock and into the wedlock.

Ed Larson: That's a good idea. Wetlock is a jointing center. Oh, by the way, this came from a Vikings fan. This means nothing. This means absolutely nothing. Vikings, they're just mad because they tried to court Dan Marino when he retired. They wanted him to be a Viking, and he's like, "Nah, I'm not going to move to Minnesota."

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, and the Vikings so wisely also hired Brett Favre after the scandal.

Ed Larson: Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski: You know, I know, but Eddie, I—

Ed Larson: Vikings are rapists.

Henry Zebrowski: I guess dolphins are, too.

Ed Larson: Wow. I really think that it's funny that people have named us as references in their college theses. Like Ph.D. programs.

Henry Zebrowski: That's disgusting. It's got patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to watch us do this the right way, the old school way. Go back to that. He's enjoying that television program. He's just looking at pictures of Dan Marino's Instagram account. Just do this on your phone. You can do this on a light, Eddie.

Ed Larson: I like it on the big screen.

Henry Zebrowski: No, do this on a light on your way home. Oh, there he is with the goose.

Ed Larson: Wow, big guy.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, we lost a great one. Go to NLP on the left for all the social bullshit. Go and see our new YouTube channel.

Ed Larson: Oh, Jesus, Henry.

Henry Zebrowski: NLP on TV someplace underneath. NLP on Romanticity. On the Foreign Report. You want to go check it out wherever you can get your YouTubes. It's on YouTube.

Ed Larson: Yeah, you're dying.

Henry Zebrowski: Come and see us live. Henry and I got some shows coming up on September 21st. We're going to be in Kansas City, Missouri at the Truman. On Friday, October 24th, Redway, California at the Mateo Community Center.

Ed Larson: I'm telling you, if you're ever going to travel for a show, that's the one. The Redwoods are beautiful, and if you are a fan of marijuana, it might be at that show.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah, it's going to be awesome, and you can experience joy firsthand.

Ed Larson: Now, who is joy? Some bitch.

Henry Zebrowski: That's right. Sunday, November 30th, Columbus, Ohio. We're going to be at the Newport Music Hall, and of course, please come to my show, Dead Men Tell Some Tales, A Dark Dive into Disney History. That's going to be at the Elysian Theater on August 21st. And go watch him get strict from the allowable list, person list.

Ed Larson: Oh, my God. If they don't let me into Disney anymore because of this show, I'm coming to Dan Marino's house.

Henry Zebrowski: Yeah. That's going to be my new Disneyland.

Ed Larson: Oh, okay. I thought you were going to kill him or something.

Henry Zebrowski: No, I'm going to hang out. Dan Marino, he's on his way. I'm going to ride his ride. So if you don't want to break your silence about the allegations against you. We're buddies. We're going to see what happens, Dan Marino. He signed a personal autograph for me. I know he remembers. I snuck under the thing.

Ed Larson: If he doesn't remember he has other children, he'll definitely remember you.

Henry Zebrowski: I think he remembered the other children. Yeah, I just came crawling looking for that not Super Bowl money.

Ed Larson: Yeah, there's a suit for— first of all, his contract was a Super Bowl contract. That's a big old contract. By the way, this one person here, I really got to talk to them. They said in this email here, it says, "Ed has never seen the Dolphins win a Super Bowl. His fondest memories of being a Dolphins fan are his parents' generation fondly reminiscing about the 70s."

Henry Zebrowski: Those aren't my fondest memories. I don't care about the greatest team that ever played football. I think we're going to have to wrap it up.

Ed Larson: You know, my fondest memories are watching Dan Marino fake spike against the Jets and then winning in the last second. That's one of my fondest memories. And also, John Offerdahl. No one's coming for him. He's really the greatest Dolphin. So anyway, what are we doing?

Henry Zebrowski: We all know for a fact the greatest dolphin was Flipper. Thank you everyone, we're going to see you next week.

Ed Larson: Flipper wasn't even his name. He committed suicide on my birthday.

Henry Zebrowski: That's right. Hail Dan Marino. Every day for the rest of my life. Assholes. I get sick of this shit.

Ed Larson: You wish. I have a book for you, Eddie. Joy. Every contracted muscle. Every frozen area of the body holds impulses of anger that is fundamentally the aggression needed to restore the integrity of freedom.

Henry Zebrowski: This is bullshit. Fuck you! I love you, Dad. And I will see you home.