--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Today, I've got a special treat for you and me. Ladies and gentlemen, Christopher Robbins has agreed to come on the show today. Thanks for having me, Mel.
Christopher Robbins: Well, I gave you no choice. We'll be honest about that. I sort of twisted your arm into this because there's a very important thing that once you shared it with me, I wanted you to share it with everybody.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I should just point out to everybody that, like a lot of our podcast episodes, we're just putting our arms around you and taking you on a walk with Chris and I today. And what's happening on our walk is there's a construction project outside. So if you hear some beep, beep, beeps or some backing up, you're just here with us in Vermont on a walk. Right, Chris?
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Just another day and the beep beeps. Yep, that's right.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So I was talking to Chris this morning, and I think a lot of you know the story about the restaurant businesses tanking and our life savings going down the drain with it. And after Chris left that business, you took a couple years to really figure out what you were going to do next with your life and to heal a lot of what went down for you personally in the wake of that experience of launching a business, pouring your heart and soul into it, and then it not working.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And one of the things that you've done is you've started a men's retreat called Soul Degree. It's a five-day experience where you take men out into the woods and includes yoga and journaling and guided meditation and all kinds of coaching. And so you've got one of your men's retreats coming up and you never, ever talk about what happens at them. You come back and you're completely transformed. And I really respect the fact that you don't share anything because it's all confidential.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But I asked you this morning, if you would just tell me, like, what are the themes that come up when you go and do a retreat with five men or you're coaching your male clients? And you said there are five very distinct themes that all the men that you work with are struggling with. And when you told them to me, I was shocked. And I said, everybody needs to hear this. So that's what I want to talk about.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: What are the five things that all the men that you know, and the men that have been on your retreats and the men that you coach, what are they struggling with, but not telling the people in their life that they're struggling with?
--:-- Mel Robbins: We were talking about this morning is just that guys don't put themselves first. Everyone else comes first. Men have lost touch with their own wants and needs. They struggle to even generate one. Men are lonely or friendless or lacking the ability to, or the confidence to generate friendship. There's an obligation to make money for everyone or be the provider, be the protector, whatever that entails. And men often do not feel good enough. And men are seeking a deeper, more meaningful life.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Well, that's a lot that's on every guy's mind. How about we dig deeper into these five things and take them one at a time. So the first one, Chris. Everyone else comes first. And that manifests or shows up often, at least with many of the men that I've engaged with, is them losing complete sight of what they need or want for themselves just because the muscle of looking out for themselves is completely lost.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And it's all about everyone else. When you first shared that in the kitchen this morning, I looked at you with like my eyes crossed because I had never in a million years thought that a dude feels like everybody else comes first because every woman that I know says that everybody in her life comes first. And so it never even occurred to me that the guys walking around feel as though everybody else in the family or with their roommates or with their significant other that they come before them.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: I think they're putting what they perceive to be the needs of the people around them first, which means they're pouring themselves into work or, you know, other obligations, if you will. And, you know, I have guys that have come on retreat and they haven't really even conceived of a hobby, much less what's important to them.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You also explain that you have this exercise that you do with your coaching clients and that you guys do on retreat that really illustrates what you're talking about. Can you explain that?
--:-- Christopher Robbins: I've asked guys to take out a piece of paper and write down specifically what they want and need and many just draw a blank, can't fill the page. Nothing? No, they actually have to step away from the exercise and even give it a day or two before they really feel like, hmm, haven't really thought about that before.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's a layer deeper than I think what most women struggle with. Because I think at least the women that I talk to and my friends and listeners to the show that write in, you have a sense of what you need to do to put yourself first. You have a sense of what you want in terms of your own needs. And there's a longing for it. But to have an experience of life where you have so put everybody else before you that you don't even know or feel like your needs matter enough that you can't even put them on a piece of paper. Wow.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Yeah, it is. It is tough to swallow. And, you know, with all due respect, I think that if you look at something as basic as exercise, for example, and you see a guy spending a good bit of time exercising, that's not to say that he doesn't perceive that as being a need or a want of his, but there oftentimes is still a layer of obligation. I got to look good for my wife or my husband. There's a gotta, have to. And so I'm not sure that can always fall in the appropriate category of genuinely what do I need to feel good about myself and my life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What's the second one? I think people are, I'm not sure if I'd say explicitly they're lonely, but many are friendless or have lost their way in developing friendships. The muscle has weakened as they have poured themselves into things like work and family and God forbid they're running into health problems. I mean, all of these things sort of take precedent to cultivating real deep friendships.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And so particularly when you hit your 40s, 50s, I think you really have to work extra hard at cultivating and building friendship. Maybe there are people in your life that have been around since middle school or high school or college. But outside of that, especially if you're somebody that's moving or changing jobs for that matter, it can be really disruptive and be a major roadblock.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What about the third thing that men struggle with, but they don't really talk about? I mean, I think it's a cultural thing, of course, that men naturally still follow that societal norm of needing to be the provider and the protector or one and the same. You mean like make money? It's all about making money. How so?
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Whether they are generating the pressure upon themselves or it's coming from external forces. And I think it's probably a little bit of a mix of both. But the sense of responsibility that the more money I make, the more security and freedom and happiness I can create amongst the people around me. And so therefore, let me go back to making money.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And is there also this pressure among guys that you're measured up based on how much money you make? Like you're, you know what I'm saying? Like there is this unspoken thing. Guys are being, you know, influenced by looking around or over their shoulder or whether it's all self-created, you know, that your own, it's your own expectation level.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And that was the other thing that we talked about this morning was just, um, I'm not good enough. I'm not living up. I'm not, um, I'm not reaching the goal, whatever that goal is.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, and I can see that if you feel this sense of obligation that everybody else comes first so much so that you're not even in touch with your own needs, and then you also have lost touch with your friends, and now you're like, my God, where did my friends go? And then you start to feel this obligation to just make money. All those things become measuring sticks where you're like, I'm just not measuring up in any of these areas.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And what's interesting is that the fifth one that you said is how they ultimately end up with you as a coach or attending a retreat or being part of your online community coaching programs that you do. And I think this is an important one for everybody to hear. This is a struggle and an interest that a lot of guys aren't talking about. And what is it? That men are seeking a deeper, more meaningful life, whatever that might mean for them.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And even announcing that publicly, I think is a little tricky at times, not because guys are not willing to admit that once they arrive at it, but I think it takes some time to arrive at that. Like, oh yeah, there's something deeper that I want to go after that I haven't yet in my life.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And like I said, that means something different to every guy out there. Well, and what's also interesting is that I think when you realize you want something deeper, it probably sets up a major conflict because that would mean everybody else might not come first. And it also means your focus shifts from merely providing and climbing the ladder and making money to something intrinsic and deeper that might not involve money at all.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, you're right. It definitely is a pendulum swing to focusing on self, which is like we talked about a weak muscle. But it can also imply that something is broken and needs fixing. They need to figure out that it's not about it's broken or, you know, something has to change. It's about my heart talking. My soul is talking here.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: So what's normally talking for a guy? How to solve the problem, how to make the buck, how to lose the pound, like how to get the girl, how to, you know, what do my kids need? Is the car need fixing? Like the list is long. So is the heaviness. Oh, my God. I feel bad.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, I have known you, honey, for 28 years. And I would say that you struggled with all of these things for a very long time. The only time that I didn't see you struggle is when you were launching the restaurant business with your best friend, Jonathan. And when it was first happening and you were so alive and fulfilled. And then of course, as is the case with most restaurants, it was great while it was great. And then it was horrible when it was horrible.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And when you came out of that restaurant business, the story that most of our listeners know you were a shell of the person that you are now. And you really went to work on yourself and you were looking for a way to get together with other men and develop friendship and deeper meaning and you couldn't find it. So that's why you created Soul Degree.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I think it would be helpful for everybody to hear the fact that you were struggling and how you were struggling with these five things. And I remember a particular moment in time, it was just three years ago, where you remember what I'm talking about?
--:-- Christopher Robbins: I think so. Where I had asked you if you would be a part of a focus group for the book I was researching, The High Five Habit. And I asked you if you would please for five days in a row, just add the habit of high fiving yourself in the mirror to your morning routine. And do you remember what you said?
--:-- Mel Robbins: That it was a stupid idea? I believe it was, that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. I'm not doing it.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And when we come back, because I think this is a great time to take a quick pause. I want to pick up this story because at the time, I didn't realize how lonely you were. I didn't realize how much you were still struggling. I didn't realize the sense of obligation and how you were not taking care of your own needs and how lonely you were both in our marriage and in your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. I'm here with my husband, Christopher Robbins, who's also the founder of the Men's Retreat Soul Degree. And we're talking about the five silent struggles that men have and how knowing about them will help you support the men or anybody in your life who identifies as male.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: I think the hardest part was to, to stand in front of that mirror and see your whole self. And for guys, I think for guys that is, for many, borderline feels impossible. Because that's what we do. We just get up, put the boots on and go, okay, you know, Mel needs something. The wife needs something. The kids need something. The employer needs something. Okay, let me jam in a quick workout.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, I, um, I just know how long you felt that way about yourself because I stood next to you for years the sink right next to you and when I looked at you like I saw the world's best dad amazing husband. I saw somebody who was absolutely integral to helping me build my business. I felt grateful for you. I didn't know you thought any of those things. You just kind of put on a smile and carried on. You were so sort of stoic about it.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Oh, it had to have been 15 years anyway. 15 years? Oh yeah. No, I don't think it was the unraveling of the restaurant business. That was the beginning of that. I think that it, I'm not sure exactly when, but I, as you and I know, like the looking back on my very colorful career, I am grateful today for all of the things that I did, but having moved through so many different roles and responsibilities and industries and job changes, And I just never, ever related to myself like I was succeeding in a professional sense.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I can see how the discomfort with myself and my progress professionally was absolutely what I think dragged me down. And I would say that at the time you and I were in the throes of it. I mean, we were talk about just getting up and putting on your boots and just diving into the fire every day. There wasn't at least just didn't seem like there was a moment to actually stop and acknowledge the good.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And quite frankly, you weren't acknowledging me like that. You might have seen me as a good husband or father or, you know, business partner, but those words weren't being shared between us. And so naturally, I didn't get that reinforcement verbally from you. But I also think that the being in the thick of it and running as fast and as hard as we were didn't, you know, the idea of stopping and looking in the mirror and seeing myself truly for who I am and the good that I have done and acknowledging all the failures as being a source of powerful learning and all that stuff.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I want to go back to what you said in the very beginning, because I know that we're going to get a ton of questions, Chris. How? How do I begin that? One step that you could take today is trying this habit of even just looking yourself in the mirror.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: But I'm shocked that I'm even saying this given my initial reaction to the high five habit but I agree start right there start in the mirror you will never forgive yourself if you refuse to look yourself in the eyes with compassion and with forgiveness and with understanding and one of the reasons why I'm I'm going to keep hammering this everybody raise your hand and high five the mirror because if you're at a place where you are beating the shit out of yourself and you can't stand yourself for whatever reason whatever you did we've all done something you don't have to change your thoughts the neurobics and the science of simply making the physical gesture of the high five and all of the lifetime of positive programming associated with it, it has a chemical, a neurological, a psychological benefit immediately that is grounded in science.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so the physical act does the work for you and it starts to plow new neural pathways and it releases dopamine, all of which will help you do the other work that you need to do to walk down the road of forgiving yourself. You got to start by simply looking at yourself in the eyes and seeing somebody who is worthy of forgiving because you are.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Yeah, I can't stress that enough. The mirror is where it happens. It's one of the reasons why I always sign off the show by telling the person listening that I love you. I love that about how you sign off. And I know you mean it because I just know how many people can't look at themselves in the mirror and it breaks my heart.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And it feels good to have somebody tell you that they love you and that you're proud of them. And to some extent, unless you're willing to do the work on yourself, to let love in from yourself, to demonstrate encouragement, support, and love by looking at your eyes in the mirror or high-fiving yourself in the mirror. If you can't do that for yourself, you will never let the love in that is all around you from other people because you don't believe you're worthy of it and you're proving it based on your actions.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: What are you thinking about because I can see you getting moved well I'm I'm always moved by the way that you sign off and tell people i i love you and it it ties back to what i was saying earlier is just my own experience in being in the company of men who don't you know they don't feel that while you're standing in front of that mirror and you're looking at yourself you may feel alone but you are not alone in either the struggle you have with forgiving yourself or the judgments or the failures or whatever that may be you are not alone at a really wild level there's actually a human being in the mirror who needs you it's the one person you spend your whole life with and the moment that you can look them in the eyes and see a human being worth cheering for, you'll realize you aren't alone because you've got yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want to thank you, Chris, for speaking directly to men, but everything that you're saying, everything that I'm saying is universal. And I do think it's important though for men and boys and people who identify as male, that you hear a male voice saying these things. It is critical that other men realize that your emotional health, your sense of self-esteem, self-awareness, self-love, and going back to the very beginning of what I said at the beginning of this episode today, is that I think we get self-love wrong, Chris, because we think love is a feeling. But the truth is you only feel loved because of other people's actions. And when it comes to learning to love yourself, you have to start with the actions, actions that demonstrate love.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: When you are able to stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes, that's an act of love. When you're able to bring compassion and understanding to the person in the mirror and you see somebody that's trying and you see somebody that has regrets and you see somebody who still has an incredible life to live and is worthy of love, that's an act of love. When you raise your hand and high five yourself, that's an act of love.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And all the research also shows that the most important habit that has the biggest impact on our lives is being kind to yourself. I want you to do this for real. So you know how I mentioned that I had 175,000 people from 91 countries try this for five days. Well, if you want to try this for five days and get support, go to highfivechallenge.com and you can do this challenge with people around the world.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: The looking in the mirror and the acknowledging of myself, it's rarely like, okay, you got this. You know, all right, your next meeting or your next whatever. I think one last thing I want to say to the men out there, any man who feels a sense of failure or that they haven't lived up to their own expectations or those outside of them, any man who's been battling with or has battled with addiction or depression or any of these things that drag us down, I strongly encourage you to start with you and to begin with forgiveness.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Without a doubt, I know from my experience, not just me personally, but being in the company of lots of men that we are all working our ass off to do the right thing. And while we don't always believe that the results live up, it's in the forgiveness and the starting with yourself and the self-acknowledgement.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And I want to go back to what you said in the very beginning, because I know that we're going to get a ton of questions, Chris. How? How do I begin that? One step that you could take today is trying this habit of even just looking yourself in the mirror.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But I'm shocked that I'm even saying this given my initial reaction to the high five habit but I agree start right there start in the mirror you will never forgive yourself if you refuse to look yourself in the eyes with compassion and with forgiveness and with understanding and one of the reasons why I'm I'm going to keep hammering this everybody raise your hand and high five the mirror because if you're at a place where you are beating the shit out of yourself and you can't stand yourself for whatever reason whatever you did we've all done something you don't have to change your thoughts the neurobics and the science of simply making the physical gesture of the high five and all of the lifetime of positive programming associated with it, it has a chemical, a neurological, a psychological benefit immediately that is grounded in science.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And so the physical act does the work for you and it starts to plow new neural pathways and it releases dopamine, all of which will help you do the other work that you need to do to walk down the road of forgiving yourself. You got to start by simply looking at yourself in the eyes and seeing somebody who is worthy of forgiving because you are.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, I can't stress that enough. The mirror is where it happens. It's one of the reasons why I always sign off the show by telling the person listening that I love you. I love that about how you sign off. And I know you mean it because I just know how many people can't look at themselves in the mirror and it breaks my heart.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And it feels good to have somebody tell you that they love you and that you're proud of them. And to some extent, unless you're willing to do the work on yourself, to let love in from yourself, to demonstrate encouragement, support, and love by looking at your eyes in the mirror or high-fiving yourself in the mirror. If you can't do that for yourself, you will never let the love in that is all around you from other people because you don't believe you're worthy of it and you're proving it based on your actions.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What are you thinking about because I can see you getting moved well I'm I'm always moved by the way that you sign off and tell people i i love you and it it ties back to what i was saying earlier is just my own experience in being in the company of men who don't you know they don't feel that while you're standing in front of that mirror and you're looking at yourself you may feel alone but you are not alone in either the struggle you have with forgiving yourself or the judgments or the failures or whatever that may be you are not alone at a really wild level there's actually a human being in the mirror who needs you it's the one person you spend your whole life with and the moment that you can look them in the eyes and see a human being worth cheering for, you'll realize you aren't alone because you've got yourself.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: I want to thank you, Chris, for speaking directly to men, but everything that you're saying, everything that I'm saying is universal. And I do think it's important though for men and boys and people who identify as male, that you hear a male voice saying these things. It is critical that other men realize that your emotional health, your sense of self-esteem, self-awareness, self-love, and going back to the very beginning of what I said at the beginning of this episode today, is that I think we get self-love wrong, Chris, because we think love is a feeling. But the truth is you only feel loved because of other people's actions. And when it comes to learning to love yourself, you have to start with the actions, actions that demonstrate love.
--:-- Mel Robbins: When you are able to stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes, that's an act of love. When you're able to bring compassion and understanding to the person in the mirror and you see somebody that's trying and you see somebody that has regrets and you see somebody who still has an incredible life to live and is worthy of love, that's an act of love. When you raise your hand and high five yourself, that's an act of love.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And all the research also shows that the most important habit that has the biggest impact on our lives is being kind to yourself. I want you to do this for real. So you know how I mentioned that I had 175,000 people from 91 countries try this for five days. Well, if you want to try this for five days and get support, go to highfivechallenge.com and you can do this challenge with people around the world.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so the physical act does the work for you and it starts to plow new neural pathways and it releases dopamine, all of which will help you do the other work that you need to do to walk down the road of forgiving yourself. You got to start by simply looking at yourself in the eyes and seeing somebody who is worthy of forgiving because you are.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Yeah, I can't stress that enough. The mirror is where it happens. It's one of the reasons why I always sign off the show by telling the person listening that I love you. I love that about how you sign off. And I know you mean it because I just know how many people can't look at themselves in the mirror and it breaks my heart.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And it feels good to have somebody tell you that they love you and that you're proud of them. And to some extent, unless you're willing to do the work on yourself, to let love in from yourself, to demonstrate encouragement, support, and love by looking at your eyes in the mirror or high-fiving yourself in the mirror. If you can't do that for yourself, you will never let the love in that is all around you from other people because you don't believe you're worthy of it and you're proving it based on your actions.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: What are you thinking about because I can see you getting moved well I'm I'm always moved by the way that you sign off and tell people i i love you and it it ties back to what i was saying earlier is just my own experience in being in the company of men who don't you know they don't feel that while you're standing in front of that mirror and you're looking at yourself you may feel alone but you are not alone in either the struggle you have with forgiving yourself or the judgments or the failures or whatever that may be you are not alone at a really wild level there's actually a human being in the mirror who needs you it's the one person you spend your whole life with and the moment that you can look them in the eyes and see a human being worth cheering for, you'll realize you aren't alone because you've got yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want to thank you, Chris, for speaking directly to men, but everything that you're saying, everything that I'm saying is universal. And I do think it's important though for men and boys and people who identify as male, that you hear a male voice saying these things. It is critical that other men realize that your emotional health, your sense of self-esteem, self-awareness, self-love, and going back to the very beginning of what I said at the beginning of this episode today, is that I think we get self-love wrong, Chris, because we think love is a feeling. But the truth is you only feel loved because of other people's actions. And when it comes to learning to love yourself, you have to start with the actions, actions that demonstrate love.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: When you are able to stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes, that's an act of love. When you're able to bring compassion and understanding to the person in the mirror and you see somebody that's trying and you see somebody that has regrets and you see somebody who still has an incredible life to live and is worthy of love, that's an act of love. When you raise your hand and high five yourself, that's an act of love.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And all the research also shows that the most important habit that has the biggest impact on our lives is being kind to yourself. I want you to do this for real. So you know how I mentioned that I had 175,000 people from 91 countries try this for five days. Well, if you want to try this for five days and get support, go to highfivechallenge.com and you can do this challenge with people around the world.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: The looking in the mirror and the acknowledging of myself, it's rarely like, okay, you got this. You know, all right, your next meeting or your next whatever. I think one last thing I want to say to the men out there, any man who feels a sense of failure or that they haven't lived up to their own expectations or those outside of them, any man who's been battling with or has battled with addiction or depression or any of these things that drag us down, I strongly encourage you to start with you and to begin with forgiveness.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Without a doubt, I know from my experience, not just me personally, but being in the company of lots of men that we are all working our ass off to do the right thing. And while we don't always believe that the results live up, it's in the forgiveness and the starting with yourself and the self-acknowledgement.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And I want to go back to what you said in the very beginning, because I know that we're going to get a ton of questions, Chris. How? How do I begin that? One step that you could take today is trying this habit of even just looking yourself in the mirror.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But I'm shocked that I'm even saying this given my initial reaction to the high five habit but I agree start right there start in the mirror you will never forgive yourself if you refuse to look yourself in the eyes with compassion and with forgiveness and with understanding and one of the reasons why I'm I'm going to keep hammering this everybody raise your hand and high five the mirror because if you're at a place where you are beating the shit out of yourself and you can't stand yourself for whatever reason whatever you did we've all done something you don't have to change your thoughts the neurobics and the science of simply making the physical gesture of the high five and all of the lifetime of positive programming associated with it, it has a chemical, a neurological, a psychological benefit immediately that is grounded in science.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And so the physical act does the work for you and it starts to plow new neural pathways and it releases dopamine, all of which will help you do the other work that you need to do to walk down the road of forgiving yourself. You got to start by simply looking at yourself in the eyes and seeing somebody who is worthy of forgiving because you are.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, I can't stress that enough. The mirror is where it happens. It's one of the reasons why I always sign off the show by telling the person listening that I love you. I love that about how you sign off. And I know you mean it because I just know how many people can't look at themselves in the mirror and it breaks my heart.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And it feels good to have somebody tell you that they love you and that you're proud of them. And to some extent, unless you're willing to do the work on yourself, to let love in from yourself, to demonstrate encouragement, support, and love by looking at your eyes in the mirror or high-fiving yourself in the mirror. If you can't do that for yourself, you will never let the love in that is all around you from other people because you don't believe you're worthy of it and you're proving it based on your actions.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What are you thinking about because I can see you getting moved well I'm I'm always moved by the way that you sign off and tell people i i love you and it it ties back to what i was saying earlier is just my own experience in being in the company of men who don't you know they don't feel that while you're standing in front of that mirror and you're looking at yourself you may feel alone but you are not alone in either the struggle you have with forgiving yourself or the judgments or the failures or whatever that may be you are not alone at a really wild level there's actually a human being in the mirror who needs you it's the one person you spend your whole life with and the moment that you can look them in the eyes and see a human being worth cheering for, you'll realize you aren't alone because you've got yourself.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: I want to thank you, Chris, for speaking directly to men, but everything that you're saying, everything that I'm saying is universal. And I do think it's important though for men and boys and people who identify as male, that you hear a male voice saying these things. It is critical that other men realize that your emotional health, your sense of self-esteem, self-awareness, self-love, and going back to the very beginning of what I said at the beginning of this episode today, is that I think we get self-love wrong, Chris, because we think love is a feeling. But the truth is you only feel loved because of other people's actions. And when it comes to learning to love yourself, you have to start with the actions, actions that demonstrate love.
--:-- Mel Robbins: When you are able to stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes, that's an act of love. When you're able to bring compassion and understanding to the person in the mirror and you see somebody that's trying and you see somebody that has regrets and you see somebody who still has an incredible life to live and is worthy of love, that's an act of love. When you raise your hand and high five yourself, that's an act of love.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: And all the research also shows that the most important habit that has the biggest impact on our lives is being kind to yourself. I want you to do this for real. So you know how I mentioned that I had 175,000 people from 91 countries try this for five days. Well, if you want to try this for five days and get support, go to highfivechallenge.com and you can do this challenge with people around the world.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so the physical act does the work for you and it starts to plow new neural pathways and it releases dopamine, all of which will help you do the other work that you need to do to walk down the road of forgiving yourself. You got to start by simply looking at yourself in the eyes and seeing somebody who is worthy of forgiving because you are.
--:-- Christopher Robbins: Yeah, I can't stress that enough. The mirror is where it happens. It's one of the reasons
