--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, I remember my grandma used to say this thing. She'd look at me and she'd go, "You know, Mel, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." For a while, I didn't know what she was talking about. Then it hit me: she's talking about your mindset, your attitude, and how much your mindset matters.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What I love about that simple saying is that simple sayings like that can make a surprisingly big difference in your life. That's what you and I are going to talk about today. I have nine simple changes. What's super cool about them is each one has a fun little way to remember it, a little saying that goes with it. It's the kind of stuff your grandma would tell you, or you'd read in a book and think, "Oh, that's so true."
--:-- Mel Robbins: Today, I'm going to be sharing these nine simple changes that make a surprisingly big difference with you. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I am always so excited to spend time together with you. I want to start by thanking you for taking the time to listen to something that could help you be happier. Today's conversation is absolutely going to do that. If you're brand new, I also want to personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. You are listening to the perfect episode because I have nine simple changes that I'm going to share with you today that are going to make a surprisingly big difference in your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What I love about each one of these nine simple changes is that each one has its own little fun way to remember it. I'm going to teach you the little tricks to remembering these things. What's also really awesome is that each one is a way you can apply the latest research in an easy way to your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There are lots of episodes where we get to sit with world-renowned leading experts on topics ranging from neuroscience and habits to health and happiness and relationships. They go so deep on a specific topic. There are a lot more of those kinds of episodes coming up. But one of the things I often struggle with is what to do with all that knowledge. I get so excited to learn this stuff, but often I'm left wondering, "How do I remember this study? And more importantly, how do I apply it for maximum benefit in my life?"
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's my mission with the conversation today. We're going to address that because today is all about these nine simple changes. They are simple sayings, kind of like a rule of thumb. They're super easy to remember. They're almost like little life hacks that sit on top of the latest and most amazing research on how you can improve various aspects of your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I guarantee you, the second you hear me explain each one, you're going to be like, "Oh my gosh, that makes so much sense. Why did I not think about it that way?" You're also going to go, "Thank you, Mel, because the way you just explained it and that simple little saying you gave me, now I can remember it." If I can remember it, I can apply it. Not only can you apply it, but you want to know how simple these nine changes are? You'll be able to do most of them while you're listening. The ones you can't do while you're listening, you'll be able to do today. That's how easy and impactful this is going to be.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So let's start with the very first little change you're going to make. I want you to start repeating that phrase my grandma used to say to me to yourself: "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." Let's unpack that because there is so much power packed into that one little sentence.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm going to give you an example. Let's say you're in a situation where you would really love to get a better job. Who doesn't want to get paid more? Who doesn't want to work somewhere where they feel valued, having fun, and making a difference? If you think you can't get a better job, are you going to apply? Nope. Are you going to do the work on your resume if you think, "Well, I can't get a better job"? Nope, you're not. Are you going to network with your parents' friends or reach out to college friends? Not if you think you can't. Are you going to update your LinkedIn profile? Nope. Why? Because you think you can't.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That mindset of thinking "I can't do that" stops you from taking action. If you stop yourself from taking action because you think you can't do that, you're right. You can't do that. The mindset itself is what's stopping you from taking the actions that are going to get the result you want.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now let's flip it. If you think you can get a better job, what happens? Now you're opening the door to optimism, to hope. If you think you can get a better job by trying, you're going to want to try. You have a reason to try. You're going to feel more resilient. That's an example of a simple saying that packs so much research around mindset and psychology into something you can say to yourself over and over again.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you say to yourself, "If I think I can or I think I can't, I'll be right," one thing you say—"If I think I can"—creates a mindset where you try. When you try, that's what matters because it's all in the trying that you create the results.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's how you apply this first little change so that you create surprisingly big results in your life. Just start telling yourself, "I can do that. I can try that. I think I can change my attitude. I can improve my relationship with my spouse. I can get in better shape. I can learn this AI coding thing if I wanted to." Because if you think you can, you'll be right. You're going to be more likely to try. You're going to open the door to all kinds of opportunities. Through that small little shift in your mindset—"I think I can"—you will make the effort.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Remember, the first tiny little change that creates a surprisingly big difference—we're talking domino effect here—is: whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. So by gosh, you better tell yourself you can.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now let's go right into the second little change I want you to make. Honestly, I can't believe I didn't stumble into this one sooner. I don't even know who to give credit to for this, but we're just going to take it and run with it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Little change number two is this: If you want to get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed. What the heck? That is so obvious. If you want to get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed. Do you know I've spent my entire life thinking about getting eight hours of sleep? I have been missing the obvious the entire time, and I bet you have too. Why did I not think about this? It's one of those things like, "Duh."
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm the kind of person that if I think, "Okay, I want to get eight hours of sleep tonight," I literally climb into bed at 10 o'clock at night and set my alarm at 6 a.m. That's eight hours. Do I get eight hours of sleep? No, because it takes time to fall asleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: In fact, one of the world's most renowned researchers in the science of sleep is Dr. Rebecca Robbins at Brigham and Women's Hospital right here in Boston, Massachusetts. It's one of Harvard's many hospitals in the Boston area. This is what she told me about the average time it takes for someone to fall asleep.
--:-- [Clip of Dr. Rebecca Robbins begins]
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: This is a great question, and I think a big area to promote awareness about because we think that we should just be able to crawl into bed and flip our brains off like a switch. Wrong. Sleep is a process. Falling asleep actually takes time, more than a lot of people realize. Even a healthy sleeper with no problems should take about 15 or 20 minutes to fall asleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I mean, 15 to 20 minutes on average if you have no problems. When I was mentioning this little simple change—"You want to get eight hours of sleep? You better spend nine hours in bed"—my friend and one of the producers on the show, Amy, looked at her sleep data. She said, "Well, no wonder I consistently track at seven hours, 35 minutes." Why? Because like you and like me, she's climbing into bed at the exact time she thinks she needs to fall asleep, and then she sets her alarm for eight hours later.
--:-- Mel Robbins: We're not doing that anymore. You and I are making a little change that's going to have a surprisingly big impact. Instead of focusing on getting eight hours of sleep, we're going to focus on spending nine hours in bed. Doesn't that just shift your mindset right away? Simple change. Surprisingly big difference.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want you to think about that in your own life. Think about it tonight. Instead of thinking you need to get eight hours of sleep, I want you to go, "Oh, I got to spend nine hours in bed." Here's the cool thing: let's say you're one of the lucky people Dr. Rebecca Robbins was talking about. You can fall asleep quickly—15, 20 minutes, bada bing, bada boom. If you think about being in bed for nine hours and you fall asleep 20 minutes into climbing into that bed, then you wake up eight hours later? Guess what? You got 40 minutes to spare, and you're now getting up even earlier than you thought. This is such a win for such a simple change. I just freaking love this.
--:-- Mel Robbins: While we're on the topic of sleep, I've got another little change that will make a huge difference in the quality of sleep and your ability to fall asleep. I call this the 5-10-20 rule. I'm going to break it down in a minute, but this relates to all the research out there right now about getting light exposure first thing in the morning. If you get up and get outside right away and get exposure in your eyeballs, it resets your circadian rhythm, and that helps you sleep at night.
--:-- Mel Robbins: All this research is super exciting. But the second you hear, "The moment you get up in the morning, one of the best things you can do for a better night's sleep is to get yourself outside and get those UVs into your eyeballs," if you're like me, you want to do it, but then you immediately have questions. You're like, "How long do I need to be out there? What if it's raining? What if it's cloudy? What if I can't get outside? How much light is too much light? How am I supposed to remember all this stuff?"
--:-- Mel Robbins: Simple. All you need to remember is that the research says, in order to sleep better at night, I've got to bank some sunlight first thing in the morning. I've got that. That's why you're going to think of the 5-10-20 rule.
--:-- Mel Robbins: When I hear 5-10-20, I think about getting cash at a bank. What do they give you? They give it to you in fives, tens, and twenties. I remember when I was younger, waitressing and working as a bar back. There would be nights where I would be the one closing down the restaurant and ending the shift. I would have to tally all the cash and close it all out. Then they give you this big envelope that you zip, and you go to the bank and drop it into the night deposit box. So 5, 10, 20—that's what was in that envelope. When I would drop it off into the night deposit box, that was what was going into the bank.
--:-- Mel Robbins: For you and me, we've got to bank either 5, 10, or 20. Here's how this works. If it's sunny outside, you need to be outside for five. You've got to bank five minutes. If it's cloudy, can you guess how much time you need? Bingo. Look how smart you are. Ten. That's right. Give yourself 10 minutes outside if it's cloudy. If it's rainy, how long do you think you need to be out on your porch? Boom. You got it. Twenty.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's the 5-10-20 rule. Sunny: 5. Cloudy: 10. Rainy: 20. Or sit next to your window for 20 minutes. That's it. That's how you remember this research. You've got to bank UV light first thing in the morning to reset the circadian rhythm, and that helps you get a better night's sleep. The 5-10-20 is a simple rule of thumb you can follow that will help you apply it no matter what the weather is. Isn't that awesome? Little change, surprisingly big difference.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That brings me to number four. Henry David Thoreau said, "An early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day." Your friend Mel Robbins is telling you: a little walk is a solution to 93% of your problems. I'm going to explain this.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let's say you've got a report due at work. You've been working on it. It's super stressful. It's due in a couple hours, and your head is spinning. You're so overwhelmed. That's a problem. The deadline is looming. Your head is spinning. The solution to that problem, to feeling overwhelmed in that moment, is to take a walk. In that situation, you don't think you have time, but the truth is you don't have time to waste sitting there spinning. A 10-minute walk is the solution because it's going to reset your mind. This is all based on research. It's going to improve your productivity. It'll spark new ideas so that when you walk back in and sit down, boom, you're ready to focus, and you will get that puppy done.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let me give you another one. Let's say the person you've been seeing suddenly sends you a text and says, "I've been thinking, this isn't going to work out." That's a problem. You're heartbroken. You're disappointed. Maybe you're super annoyed they did it by text. Instead of firing off an angry response or sitting there with that text message feeling like a rejected loser—because what's going to happen if you do that? You're either going to send something you regret or get completely overwhelmed by your emotions, which will make you feel even worse. What is the solution to the disappointment you feel when you get a text like that out of the blue? I'll tell you the solution: take a little walk.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Walking lifts your mood. It reduces the intensity of the disappointment. It also allows you to step away and get objectivity from that thing that immediately stressed you out—that text message. It creates a break from the flood of negative emotions. As you're out there walking, the rhythm of the movement and the change of scenery can help you clear your mind. It makes it easier for you to gain perspective, calm down, and start to move forward, actually choosing what you're going to do as the response instead of acting out of reaction, which you're always going to regret. All of this based on research. Little walk, big difference.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's another example. Let's say your mom calls and tells you the test they ran on your dad came back, and it's bad. They think your dad has cancer. Your heart sinks. Your worst fears flood through your brain. You hang up the phone. You start to cry. Let me tell you something: if you immediately go and log on to WebMD and go down that research spiral, you're going to feel worse. You're going to feel powerless. That's going to be a major problem. Why? Your parents need you to process what you're feeling and get to a point where you can think clearly so you can help them, so you can be supportive through this whole thing.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The solution to this really big problem? Go for a little walk. The walk isn't going to change the fact that your dad has this diagnosis. What it does is change you—your state of mind, your physiology, your mood, your emotions. Based on the research, going for a little walk makes a big difference because you're going to be able to process this information. It gives you space from your emotions so you're not overwhelmed by them. That's going to let you walk back in with new ideas and a much more strategic response to the situation.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's another example. Let's say you finish dinner, and like me, you're craving a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge sauce and some salted peanuts on top. You can tell I always crave that little sundae, right? That can be a problem, especially if you've made a commitment to eat less sugar and lay off the desserts every night. The solution to that problem when that craving hits? Go for a little walk. Why? Studies have found that a 15-minute walk curbs cravings for chocolate. It reduces the amount of chocolate you even eat in stressful situations. Other research shows that going for a walk after dinner not only helps you reduce stress and helps you digest, but it also helps you process insulin. How freaking cool is that? Who knew a little walk could do so much?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's another one. You just had an argument with a roommate over the fact that your roommate's significant other is always at your place. They never go to their place. They're always at your place. So you now live with two people, not one person, and it's starting to feel weird. You bring it up, and then they blow up at you. It's a really tense conversation. They walk into their bedroom, shut the door. This moment is a problem because you then start to question the fact that you drew a boundary. If you stay in that space, you're going to want to go knock on the door and apologize. "It's okay. I didn't mean it. I'm just all stressed out."
--:-- Mel Robbins: The solution to this problem is going for a little walk. As you're learning, the power of a simple walk is extraordinary. By walking it off—that is a phrase—you're going to gain clarity. You're going to gain perspective over why this issue is important to you and why it's important that you become the kind of person who does express the boundaries and the requests you have. That's going to help you walk back into the apartment and realize it's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's emotions. It's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's disappointment. It is your responsibility to ask for what you need. That's all you did.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The truth about a walk is that it's not going to erase the problems you face in your day-to-day life. It doesn't erase mine either. The reason a little walk works as one solution for so many problems is because of how it changes you so quickly—how you feel, your mood, the clarity of your mind. That changes your ability to come back and deal with things differently. When you're in control of your response, you have the power to solve 100% of the problems you face. That's why it's so cool. It also has this magical, powerful effect of opening you up to different solutions that you never could see for yourself if you're still standing in your apartment, searching on WebMD, or sitting there rage texting somebody who broke up with you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So Henry David Thoreau said, "An early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day." Your friend Mel Robbins is reminding you: a little walk is a solution to 93% of your problems.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Don't you love these? They're kind of things you know, but it's a whole new way to look at it. I love the sticky ways to remember them.
--:-- Mel Robbins: This feels like a fabulous time to take a quick pause, hear a word from our sponsors. By the way, don't go anywhere because little change number five, which I'm about to tell you about, is going to surprise you, and you're going to love it. So stay with me.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today we are talking about nine little changes that make a surprisingly big difference in your life. We've already covered four of them.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The first one was: if you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. That's a little mindset switch. I want you to always think you can.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The second little change is: if you want to get eight hours of sleep, make sure you're in bed for nine hours. Freaking love that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The third little change that makes a surprisingly big difference is about that research of getting light first thing in the morning in your eyes. You're going to remember you've got to bank 5, 10, 20. I bet you even remember what the 5, 10, and 20 stand for. You've got this. Five if it's sunny. Ten minutes if it's cloudy. Twenty minutes if it's raining or you're looking through a window. I freaking love that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The fourth one we just talked about: you've got a problem, take a walk. It is a solution to 93% of the problems you're going to face. Not because it removes the problems, but because it changes you and your ability to respond to those problems.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That brings me to little change number five. I told you this was going to surprise you. Here it is: stop talking.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I think I've spent a lot of my life feeling like I've got to participate in every conversation. I've got to have an opinion on everything. I've got to make sure I get in the last word, whether it's at work or with family in particular. When you stop talking, a whole different world opens up to you. It's kind of hard to do if you're somebody who is used to asking questions and having an opinion, but try this. Go into work or into class this week and be quiet. Don't say anything. Notice how different everything is. Or when you're having dinner with your family, be quiet. Ask questions if you want, but stop talking.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There are two ways "stop talking" has made a big difference in my life. The first is in helping me grow. When you're the one talking, you're not learning anything. It's when you're listening, when you're reading, when you're taking a class—when that input is coming in—that you learn and grow.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I remember a couple years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine. This was back when my career was really about motivational speaking. I was saying, "I feel really burnt out. I feel like I'm just stale. I'm not getting any better at this craft. I'm not feeling like I'm growing. Something's up. I don't know what it is." My friend said to me, "Well, I know exactly what you're talking about because I felt that way too. Then I decided to stop talking."
--:-- Mel Robbins: I said, "What do you mean you decided to stop talking? You're still getting paid to do speeches." He said, "No, no, no. I decided that I would stop talking so much. Instead of standing on that stage talking, I would make sure that at least 10 times a year, I found myself sitting in the audience listening."
--:-- Mel Robbins: That really struck me because I realized in that moment, my whole life was about output—speaking, creating, doing all this stuff. I wasn't getting the input I needed. One immediate change I made after that conversation was I signed up to go to two events where I could sit in an audience. Another one: I dedicated time every week to just input—reading a book, watching someone else on stage who's masterful and learning from them, taking an online course on a topic I was interested in. All that input helped me grow. You're not growing when you're talking. You grow and learn when you're listening.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The second way this made a huge difference in my life is it taught me that you don't always need to have the last word. It's amazing how often you'll find that you offer an opinion just because you think you should. It's amazing how often you can get pulled into conversations where it's just one person and then the other trying to get the last word in. The truth is, not everything deserves a response. Not everyone deserves an explanation. Stop talking. Not every conversation is one you need to participate in. Stop talking and start practicing being quiet and not having an opinion. Often, protecting your peace and not getting involved—just listen, don't talk—is going to make you happier.
--:-- Mel Robbins: One other thing: if you're in a conversation with somebody and it's argumentative or tense, stop talking. I'm not talking about the silent treatment here. Just stop talking. Lower your voice when you do. It signals that you're in control. Stop talking, and you're going to gain awareness, confidence, and a whole different world is going to open up to you. Sometimes silence is way more powerful than chiming in. Your peace is worth protecting. So stop talking.
--:-- Mel Robbins: All right, that brings me to number six. I love, love, love this one. If you struggle with ADHD or clutter, you're going to love this too.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Number six: put things back where they belong. This little change—just a tiny change—has made a huge difference in clutter and organization for me. When you find something, put it where it belongs. It takes less than a minute to do the right thing. Then, one item at a time, you're not allowing clutter to build up.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I do this every single day in almost every room I walk into. If I see something that is out of place, I put it where it belongs. If you adopt this little change—you see something out of place, put it where it belongs—you'll be shocked at how much more organized your house is.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll tell you a story about something that happened today. The Vermont studios are above my garage. Today we were working on this awesome episode about owls. I had all these objects and things I was using to show in the YouTube video. When we were done with the taping, there was a pile of stuff up here that all belonged in different places. You know what the old me would have done before this rule? I probably would have left it up here, and it would become not a little pile, but a gigantic volcano of things that started piling up that did not belong here.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Instead, I used this rule: just touch it once. I loaded all the little objects into a big bowl, and then I brought it into the kitchen, which is where one of the items belongs. That's all I need you to do. Check. I put the bowl where it belonged. Thirty minutes later, I was done with lunch and walking back through the kitchen. Inside the bowl was a pair of swim trunks and a little owl statue. I know you're thinking, "What was she doing?" It doesn't matter. These were objects that belong in my bedroom.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I could have just as easily walked right past them and gone right back up above the garage to get back to work. But I have this rule: if you see something out of place, put it where it belongs. So I scooped those things up. It took me 30 seconds to walk to the bedroom. I put it down. Boom. Done.
--:-- Mel Robbins: When I got into the bedroom, you know what I saw? I saw a shirt on top of my bed. The shirt was there because I couldn't find my eye mask last night because somebody didn't put it where it belongs. I have no idea where it is. So last night, I used a t-shirt as an eye mask. When I woke up, I made the bed. If you've ever used a t-shirt as an eye mask to block the light while you sleep, what happens? The t-shirt rolls off your face in the middle of the night and gets trapped underneath the pillows. I made the bed, but I didn't find the t-shirt. I came back in, and the t-shirt was on top of the bed. I don't know if Chris put it there. I don't know why it was there. The old me would have taken that t-shirt and tucked it under the pillows. Does it belong there?
--:-- Mel Robbins: No, it belongs in the closet. So a simple change: you see something out of place, put it where it belongs. Picked it up, folded it, rolled it, tucked it in the drawer. 10 seconds later, boom. I love that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Don't put things back where you found them, because that would have meant tucking that thing under the pillowcase. Put things where they belong. It takes 30 seconds. It'll make you feel so much more organized and on top of it. It is an incredibly little change that makes an enormous difference.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I bet as you're listening, whether you're sitting in your car or even walking or you're at home, if you look around, there is something around you that does not belong in the room that you're in. Put it where it belongs when we're done with this episode.
--:-- Mel Robbins: One of the other things that I love about this little change is that it saves you so much time. Like I was doing things wrong. I was piling everything up and thinking I would get to it later. That is a huge waste of time because you've got to do everything like three or four different times. If you simply see something out of place and then you take 30 seconds and put it where it belongs, it's a huge time saver.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And while we're on the topic of time, the next little change that makes a surprisingly big difference in your life is all about time and how you manage it. You're going to freaking love this. So don't go anywhere.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And by the way, if you've been thinking about someone that you love, that would love all these little changes that make a surprisingly big difference, take the time and send this to them while you're listening to our amazing sponsors. And don't go anywhere because I'm going to be waiting for you right after this short break. And we're going to jump into number seven. You're going to love this little change. Stay with me.
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--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. We were talking about nine little changes that make a surprisingly big difference in your life. And that brings me to little change number seven: wait a week.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you're the kind of person who's impulsive with your money, like I used to be, wait a week. And the principle here is this: wait a week means you're giving yourself a cooling off period. Because the truth is, you're always going to be excited by the idea of buying something that you don't need and that you don't have the money for.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I mean, right? You'd be like staring at this thing, this new pair of shoes, and you're all excited because, you know, for me, I am a freak about Birkenstocks. And when they come out with the fake shearling Birkenstocks for the fall, I look and they have a different colorway in the spring. I look at those and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, these are so cool!" And I get all excited and I imagine myself in these things. And I freaking love Birkenstocks. But the truth is, I don't need them. In fact, I'm wearing a pair right now. But I can just imagine seeing the brand new colors and feeling the excitement and just really wanting it. And you know how good it feels when you go click and you purchase it? Oh my gosh.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you don't need it or you can't afford it, wait a week. And the fact is, if you can't afford to buy it twice, then you can't afford to buy it once. It's kind of another rule of thumb. But the main thing that you and I are struggling with is the shocking amount of useless stuff that we buy on impulse that we don't need.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Because I don't know if you've noticed this, but why is every social media platform now a 24-7 online shopping network? There is so much stuff in your face to buy that this wait a week thing, holy cow, has it saved me from so many shop now, tap, click, let's go purchases.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So if you see something that you want and it's more than $100, wait a week. This is genius because you're not saying, "I don't need that. I can't afford that." You're not shaming yourself. What you're doing is you're being smart. When you say wait a week, you are rising above your emotions and you're not allowing your excitement and the thrill of the buying and the distraction and the immediate gratification to lead you to doing something that you either can't afford or that you don't need or that's just dumb. You work hard for your money. Why be stupid with it?
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll tell you what, wait a week. Little change, surprisingly huge difference. And I wish I could pull up my Amazon shopping cart right now because it is full of things that I've gone, "Boop, put in cart," but I'm gonna wait a week. They've been sitting there for months because once the initial "I need that thing that just popped up" is gone, you realize you don't need it or you don't want it or you can't afford it or that you're not that stupid to waste your money that you've been working really hard to make on something dumb like that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And it's gonna save you money. It's gonna make you smarter. And it's going to help you rise above the emotion and the algorithm and the way that this stuff is in your face all day. Wait a week, and I promise you, you will see a big difference.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And that brings me to little change number eight. Have you ever heard that eyes are the window to the soul? Shakespeare said that. They are also a way to holding eye contact with somebody. Here's a little trick. I love this. The next time you're talking to someone, notice the color of their eyes. It is the easiest way to train yourself to practice eye contact.
--:-- Mel Robbins: This little change, noticing the color of someone's eyes, has made a huge difference in my life because holding eye contact was something that I used to struggle with. It's actually a super common symptom of ADHD to kind of look around or look up when you're thinking. And for a long time, I was so self-conscious about the fact that I'd be trying to look at somebody in the eyes and then my eyes dart left or right. And I was self-conscious about it because number one, I thought it was disrespectful. And number two, there is this myth that when someone is looking away, they're lying to you. And so I would catch myself looking away and then being like, "Oh my gosh, they're going to think I'm lying."
--:-- Mel Robbins: Looking at someone's eyes and noticing, like really noticing the color of their eyes, it not only helps you to make eye contact, but it gives you something that you can truly appreciate and compliment about somebody else. Because if you truly take the time to notice someone else's eyes, the color is so unique and mesmerizing and different. You don't want to be creepy about this. You don't want to death stare at people. But it also, like, "Gosh, you've got amazingly cool eyes. Are they hazel? Are they green? Wow." It's just something you can compliment people on.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And the more that you do it, the more comfortable you are holding eye contact with someone, which is a display of confidence. It makes you be more present with people. Research shows that holding eye contact while you talk and kind of nodding a little bit displays that you're listening and that you care about what the person's saying. And so this isn't just something that's polite to do. It demonstrates something about you that impacts the way the other person thinks about you, the quality of the connection, the reputation that you have. It's really a little change that has a surprisingly big difference in your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And that brings me to the final little change, number nine. And it's smile. Yep, smile. The research on just forcing yourself to put a little smile on your face is shocking. And look, if you're in a massive breakdown or your fiance just called off the wedding or you're grieving or you feel depressed, you don't have to force yourself to smile. You should feel what you need to feel. But for most days, a little change that makes a surprisingly big difference is forcing yourself to smile.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And let me tell you why. It's sort of like, are you the kind of person... I'm the kind of person that's constantly worried about my posture because I find myself hunched over. My grandmother had a very hunched over hump on her back, and I think, "I don't want to look like that." And so I'm constantly rolling my shoulders back and pulling my shoulders back because I'm hunched over computer, I'm hunched over phone. So are you. A smile is the same thing, only for your face and your emotions.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I am shocked now that I am focused on this little daily change. Just, as you're listening to me, practice pulling the sides of your mouth up towards your ears. Seriously, practice doing it. I'm doing it right now and everybody watching on YouTube can see it. It kind of does something. It's weird. And what I've found now that I'm trying to make this little change, whenever I catch myself, smile. It's shocking to me how often my facial expression isn't resting you-know-what face. I'm like frowning or I'm serious and I look mad.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I want to tell you a little bit about the research related to making yourself smile. Because I was surprised to find out that happiness researchers have been at battle over whether or not a smile actually scientifically can make you happier. And so this researcher over at Stanford, Nicholas Coles, he was one of these researchers that was like, "I don't know, can a smile make you happy?" He was kind of on the fence because there was all this conflicting stuff going on in the scientific community. So he was like, "That's it. I'm going to settle this puppy once and for all."
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so he conducts this huge research project that got together the researchers that didn't think smiles make you happy and the research camp that thought, "Well, yes, of course they make you happy." And they did this huge study collecting data from 3,800 participants in 19 countries. They analyzed all the data. And here's what they found, settling the debate once and for all: researchers found a noticeable increase in happiness from participants who either looked at photographs of other people smiling and then tried to mimic the smile they saw in the photo, or from simply pulling their mouth towards their ears like this. Like, that's freaking crazy! You can do a fake smile where you make yourself pull your lips towards your ears and do a fake smile? That's crazy.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And basically what they're saying is that they believe that there is this facial feedback thing happening. That when you make that expression, it sends data to your brain and your emotions telling you that you're okay. And it's true, isn't it? That when you see someone smile, you smile. When you hear someone laugh, you laugh.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The researchers were very clear to say, forcing yourself to smile is not going to yank you out of depression. And will it solve all your problems? No. But interestingly, when you make this little change, and it's just something little you can do, and you make yourself smile on the days that you don't kind of feel like you're going to feel better. And now you know there is a scientific benefit to doing it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so let me remind you of the nine little changes that make a surprisingly big difference in your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Number one: whether you think you can or can't, you're right. Your mindset matters. So you better think you can because that's going to make you try.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The second little change: if you want to get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The third little change: five, ten, twenty. Bank those sunlight hours for better sleep. And let me prove to you that you remember this. You're going to bank five, ten, or twenty. How much time for sunlight? That's right, five. What if it's a cloudy day? That's right, ten. What if it's raining or you're sitting next to a window? That's right, twenty. Good for you. See how this works? Bank five, ten, twenty.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The fourth little change you're going to make is remembering that a walk is a solution to 93% of your problems. Not because it erases the problem that's in front of you, but because it changes you for the better. And that helps you solve the problem.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Little change number five: stop talking. Protect your peace, hold on to your power. If you want to learn, you got to be listening. Stop talking.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And the sixth little change: don't put things back where you found them. Put them where they belong. Holy cow, has that made me more organized and has it made our house have way less clutter.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And number seven: wait a week. Wait a week. I know it feels good to buy all that stupid stuff that you don't need, but wait a week. You are way more powerful than your emotions and you work super hard for your money. So I want you to stop spending it on stupid things. And if you can't afford it twice, you can't afford to buy it once. So wait a week.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Little change number eight: when you're talking to someone, notice the color of their eyes. The more you do this, the more present you are, the more confident that you feel, the more you deepen the relationships and the connections that you have with other people.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And little change number nine: all throughout the day, just notice your facial expression and put a smile on your face. I promise you, you'll feel a little better.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And one more thing, in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And I know that you now have nine little changes that you can do today and every day that will make a shockingly big difference. Now go do them. And I will be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'll see you there.
--:-- [Sound of garage door opening]
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, here's the thing. Okay, got it, got it, got it. That's Chris. I don't know if you heard the garage door opening below us, but it opened up and I now I'm like, oh, it's about to close. You want to know why? Christopher Robbins lives by the little change: put things where they belong. And once the garage door is open, it belongs closed. Here we go.
--:-- [Sound of garage door closing]
--:-- Mel Robbins: Awesome.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.
