--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. It's just an honor to be able to spend some time with you today right now. And I want to acknowledge you for choosing to listen to something that could help you create a better life. I just think that's super cool that you're putting yourself first.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I have a question for you. When was the last time you had a great night's sleep? You know, the kind where you wake up and you jump out of bed and you feel so energized and refreshed and focused. Wouldn't it be great if you woke up tomorrow and you're like, "Oh, I feel so great."
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, I'm on a mission to help you feel that exact way because a renowned sleep scientist from Harvard is here in our Boston studios to prove to you that sleep is your superpower. And she has seven simple, free, and science-backed tips that will help you and the people that you love get better sleep and wake up feeling refreshed, energized, focused, and in control. Doesn't that sound great? I thought so. So let's do this.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's Mel. Do you want to know the real reason why you're always so tired? It's because you're not doing these simple things every single day. Based on research, these simple things that you're going to learn today will help you get a great night's sleep and wake up feeling refreshed, energized, focused, and in control.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And that's why I cannot wait for you to meet Dr. Rebecca Robbins. She is going to change your life and the lives of everyone that you share this episode with because she's here to walk you through seven simple things that you can do every single day that will help you tap into this superpower of sleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Dr. Robbins is a world renowned expert and researcher on sleep and circadian rhythm. She's a professor at Harvard Medical School and a research investigator in the Division of Sleep and Circadian Disorders and the Departments of Medicine and Neurology at Brigham and Women's Hospital here in Boston. And her research has been published in some of the most renowned medical journals. And in fact, the list of her research studies is so long, I could read it to you, but I don't want to put you to sleep. We're going to do the opposite here, okay? We're going to wake you up and energize you using her science.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And Dr. Robbins' name might sound familiar because a couple months ago, I shared her research on sunlight in the morning in our wildly popular episode that we did called "Three Small Decisions That Make You Feel Incredible: Do This Every Morning After Waking Up." And you loved that episode so much. You shared that episode with so many people in your life that I was like, "Holy cow." I called up Dr. Robbins over at Harvard. I asked her to cross the Charles River and come to our studios in Boston. And guess what? She is here.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So let me tell you a little bit about her. Dr. Robbins received her PhD from Cornell University and completed postdoctoral training at both NYU and Harvard, where she specialized in sleep and circadian disorders. She's the author of a book on techniques for how to get good sleep entitled *Sleep for Success*. And she's here today for you to share very simple tips for a better night's sleep. And if you do what Dr. Robbins teaches you today, you will feel more energized, focused, and in control of your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So please help me welcome Dr. Rebecca Robbins to the Mel Robbins podcast.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Thank you for having me.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, I would love to start by having you speak directly to the person listening. If they take everything that you're about to share and teach us to heart, what could you expect to change about your life if you follow the advice you're about to give us about sleep?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Today, we're going to cover some of my favorite tips and strategies that are evidence based and start tonight to get a better night's sleep. And if you can make a couple small changes and get a little bit more, a little bit better quality sleep, I'm biased. I'm a sleep scientist, but you will be amazed. Some of the findings include better productivity, our relationships improve, our mental health improves. And then into the long term, our research is uncovering that our sleep every night plays an important role in the quality of our life as we age and also our risk for neurocognitive decline. So, so many things can fall in line when we put sleep really high up on our priority list.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, that's great. You're here to tell us that there are small things that you can do to help you be a better sleeper. And before we jump in and we just start to unpack all the cool things that we can do that are in our control, I wondered if we could just zoom out a little bit, because when you're feeling tired and overwhelmed and just kind of beaten down by your life, can you just explain as a sleep researcher how working on sleep is going to impact every area of your life?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: You hear a lot now about brain fog, about fatigue, about low energy levels and people seeking answers online. So it's almost like we're focusing on the symptoms instead of the cause. And one of the driving forces of some of those symptoms that many people are experiencing is insufficient or poor quality sleep. Many of us are struggling. Two out of three Americans are not getting the sleep that they biologically need in a consistent manner.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: But in addition, we have a problem of poor quality sleep. Anywhere between 20 and 50 percent of Americans struggle with one of two difficulties. And that's either struggling to fall asleep or maintain sleep. So waking up at two, three o'clock in the morning and struggling to fall back asleep. And so those struggles contribute to poor quality sleep. And our research in our lab has shown that fewer than three in 10 Americans report waking up and reporting that their sleep is restorative. And that's what it's all about. Because if we're spending time in bed and it's not restorative sleep that we're getting, what's the point? But some of the behavioral tips and strategies that we'll get into are really how you unlock that restorative sleep that we're all after.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Why do so many people wake up feeling so tired?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I think that it kind of comes back to conversations. I've seen them on social media, interpersonally, just it's almost part of the day-to-day narrative as a society. "How are you tired?" You know, I hope one day we could flip that. But unfortunately, when we do say, "I'm feeling great. I'm feeling well rested," that's not often looked at very positively in our society. So I hope that one day that changes.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I think we're moving away from the notion of "I'll sleep when I'm dead." We're finally, finally kind of, I think, collectively waking up to the importance of sleep, but as a population we still have so far to go. But there used to be this idea of "I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'll take hours from my sleep and magically add it back to my day." But that comes at a price. And we can probably all attest to this. But if you wake up and haven't gotten enough sleep, your body is operating well below its potential, not only from our physical health, our emotional health, our cognitive health, so many decrements when we're not getting enough sleep.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: But I think that when we can put sleep at the very high on our priority list, maybe even at the core of everything that we do, and I'm not talking about crazy sweeping changes. What's so exciting about sleep is a lot of these are really small things. It's just cutting screens out a little bit earlier in your evening, maybe having dinner a little bit earlier, doing a couple of the relaxation exercises that we're going to be talking about can offer a number of benefits in terms of our ability to fall asleep and get into the deeper sleep that supports our waking success.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wow. That's so interesting. Dr. Robbins, why do all of these tips and evidence-backed interventions matter so much?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: What's so powerful about sleep, it's just this great equalizer. But what's also so interesting is we never receive formal training about sleep, really not in school. Even medical doctors receive only about 20, 25 minutes in the average medical curricula about sleep, which is a huge problem when you think about it, because so many of us are struggling. We talked about some of the numbers. And so it creates this culture of, "Well, if my primary care provider doesn't fully understand sleep," what might happen is a lot of pharmacological interventions and there is a time and a place for that.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: But what's so interesting about sleep is even in clinical trials that pit meds, pharmacological intervention, against behavior, what we find is that the behavioral change when we can successfully implement some of these strategies that we've talked today, that actually wins out in terms of insomnia symptoms. So with people who are really struggling, then the medications over time, which is so amazing.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want to make sure the person listening just heard that. So in clinical studies, when you put medication up against the behavioral changes that we're talking about today, that the behavioral changes over time beat insomnia and the insomnia drugs over and over and over again. Isn't that so powerful?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: It's really powerful because it tells us that small changes add up over time and that, yes, you are designed to and you can learn to sleep and get the rest that you deserve and wake up energized. And it begins with these small, small changes.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wow. How does sleep impact the memory and the brain, Dr. Robbins?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Sleep and the brain are really fascinating areas. And it turns out that during sleep, we not only kind of rinse and repeat and rehearse some of the memories that we took in from the day, but we also start to kind of put them into storage and figure out importantly where they should go in the brain, which when you think about it is a fascinating exercise. And so important as we learn things, we're exposed to new things in the world around us. Our brain does this amazing process at night during sleep of "Where should I file this away?" And importantly, "What memory should I hold on to and which can I let go?"
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Because we're exposed to so much information. We learn so much now more than ever with our phones in our pockets. The information that we're exposed to is enormous and our brains are amazing, but they couldn't possibly store all of that information. And so there's this fascinating process called pruning that takes place during sleep where we try to figure out, our brain, what memories can it let go of and which should it keep and where should those memories be stored? And we really are starting to uncover and believe that dreaming is one of the ways that this happens. So during dreaming, it's almost like the brain is throwing spaghetti against a wall to see, okay, the events from today, where do they fit in our existing networks of the brain? So when we put sleep at the center, so many positive outcomes come in terms of our learning, our memory, and for students, academic excellence.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So if I can extract what you just said and try to give it back to you to make sure that I'm tracking, I always think of this example of like a giant library. So during the day, the books are out and they've been given to people to read. When you lay down in bed and you fall asleep, that's when the books come back to the library and they get put on the proper shelf. And that's your brain learning how to file memories, this pruning process. Is that what you call it?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I love that analogy.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. And maybe figuring out, "Ooh, that book wasn't very well read. So maybe we'll send it to a sister library." Got it. So you also prioritize what's important. Which is so fascinating. And then the other thing that you said that I think is really, really important to understand. Oh my God, I just had literally like a menopause brain fog thing. I must not have gotten a great night's sleep last night because I had such a good thing that was... what were you just talking about?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Learning, memory.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, that was it, that was it. Okay, see everybody, you're not the only one with brain fog. We're all here to learn how to sleep better. But this is super important that you're basically saying that a critical part of learning and locking in a new skill or a habit happens during sleep. And so if you're having trouble making new habits stick, or if you're studying for the Series Seven, or you're studying for a standardized test or some exam coming up, or you've got a huge presentation that you have coming up for work, sleep and putting sleep at the center of how you're taking care of yourself helps you lock in the learning, helps you perform better. That's what you're saying based on the research?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Exactly. But when you walk into any college campus, any corporate environment, you almost hear the opposite. People saying, "Oh, I'm going to stay up late to crank through this report. I'm going to pull an all nighter to study more, to give myself more time. Let me take more hours in my day away from my sleep and add it back to my productivity." It really throws that notion on its head, right? Because all the research shows that when we prioritize sleep, our learning improves, our productivity improves. So the next day you wake up and you're able to accomplish what you would have otherwise done in a fraction of the time.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Terrific. That's super clear. So we are going to jump into these seven strategies that you have that will help you become a better sleeper. What is one of your favorite tips in order to get better sleep?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: One of my favorite tips for a great night's sleep is this idea that routine is absolutely queen. And we're really not meant to keep different sleep schedules as human beings. Falling asleep at 2 a.m. one night, 10 p.m. the next. So understanding the circadian rhythm helps us understand how vitally important consistency is in our sleep routines. Because then our brain and our body starts to understand when it should be tired and prepare for sleep and when it should be awake. And then it allows ourselves to better organize ourselves and get a lot out of our sleep episode. The best sleep comes when we're keeping our sleep times consistent. So falling asleep at the same time and waking up as close to the same time as possible.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So is that takeaway number one, that climbing into bed so you have a consistent time that you're signaling that you're going to start the process of falling asleep and having your alarm ring at roughly the same time is one of the first things we want to do.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Absolutely. And I think we're slaves to our alarm clocks. Yes. But we don't really talk about the wind down time. It's kind of like a fuzzy idea, fuzzy game plan. It's not a, "Okay, 10:30 is when I'm going to start to power down. I'm going to get off my phone. I'm going to boil a cup of a small cup of tea, herbal tea, and then start my bedtime ritual and wind down routine," which is an essential part of sleep. We always think, "Oh, now's time for sleep," but it really takes time.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So you are a world renowned sleep researcher and scientist. What is your wind down routine?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: My wind down routine is one thing that I am very diligent about and it's not complex, but I'm very diligent about the time. I do my best. The best case scenario is it's 8:30. My boys are down and then I do a couple, maybe I clean up a tiny bit around the house. I start to turn the lights off and then I go upstairs and I turn my phone off. And there are days where I need to be working and plug back in, but I wash my face. I take a shower and then I do one breathing exercise.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I sit cross-legged on the ground in my bedroom. I'm turning lights off as I kind of move into the bedroom and I do one breathing exercise and I don't set an alarm, but I just kind of do it until I feel like I've gotten rid of that busy mind that has served me so well over the course of the day. And sometimes that's five times on busier, more stressful days. Sometimes that's seven rounds of this, but it's the military breathing technique. So I breathe in through my nose for a count of four. I hold for seven. And then I exhale, purse my lips for eight.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: And those times are longer than you think, right? The seven and the eight really like you're kind of fighting for the breath at the end. And that's the benefit of that technique. It restricts and restrains the breath and can help calm the heart rate and calm your mind. And now while I'm doing that, thoughts are flying in because of course, of what I forgot to do or I need to do. And I come back to this idea of "No, not now. Now is my time. I've done things for my students, my partner, my kids all day. And now is my time to restore and relax." And if any thoughts are still fighting to the surface, I write those down at my nightstand.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: So I've done the 4-7-8 technique and then I mosey into my bed. I read a couple pages in a book. I do progressive muscle relaxation. I clench and release every muscle group starting from the toes and I inhale, clench, and then exhale, release. And I really kind of add onto that something like something that I'm letting go, heaviness or a thought that's not serving me. And then I say a prayer and I go to sleep. And it doesn't happen every night, but that's my ritual. And I use the word ritual purposefully because you want to cultivate a ritual. A ritual is something you do every time. And so it's thoughtful. It's one, two, three, boom, sleep is next.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: For you listening, what are the three things that you can do tonight and tomorrow night and really institute as your ritual that you can ideally also take on the road when you travel? And be diligent. Try to do those every single night because then what the brain starts to understand is what comes next to sleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Do you find that in your research that the people that are struggling the most with sleep don't have this wind down routine? They're not diligent about this ritual and the consistency of it and practicing these steps that help you fall asleep and stay asleep?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: It's a great question. I think it comes back to this idea that we're so used to getting what we wanted quickly, whether it's our food or a coffee or getting a subway or an Uber. We're used to things happening quickly when we want them to. And our brain is hardwired to crave consistency, to have, to be able to expect what's coming next by keeping our schedules consistent, by giving our brain that sense of normalcy. And then sleep, falling asleep faster into deeper sleep is more within our reach.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Quick question. What is the average amount of time that it takes to fall asleep? And how, when should we get out of bed because it's not happening?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: This is a great question. And I think a big area to promote awareness about because we think that we just should be able to crawl into bed and flip our brains off like a switch. Wrong. Sleep is a process. And so falling asleep actually takes time. And more than a lot of people realize, even a healthy sleeper with no problems should take about 15 or 20 minutes to fall asleep. And that's counter. So many people will say, "Oh, I can fall asleep anywhere. As soon as I get into the airplane at Logan, I'm out. I'm snoring before."
--:-- Mel Robbins: My husband's like that. I literally, he hits the pillow and he's like... oh, no, I've got to try to fall asleep while you're already snoring. And so he just drops in like it's his job.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: And I might be a little sleep deprived. I'd love to talk to him and make sure he's getting enough sleep. But if you're able to fall asleep right away, it's generally a sign that you're not getting enough sleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Really?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: If you're starved for food and you sit down and you have a huge meal and keep eating and eating, it's probably because you're starved for sleep because it's not healthy to have enormous meals. And so same thing with sleep. If you're starved for sleep, your brain is going to, hopefully you're not in a place like driving a car or anything that would be safety critical. But if you're not getting enough sleep, sleep will come because it's a biological necessity. And so when we go without it, our body works desperately to get it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So 15 to 20 minutes. And that both for when you climb in at your bedtime when the bedtime wind down routine happens, and that also how long it might take you to drift back to sleep if you do wake up in the middle of the night.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: These are such good questions. We just wrote a paper on how to help researchers kind of conceptualize these different steps because they're a couple, right? So the time that you want to be winding down at night, maybe you're walking around your house, your lights are low, you're lighting candles, ideally.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh my God, that's not going on in my house. I'm like, "Who didn't turn off the lights? Where are the dogs? Did you lock the door?" Like it's the shutdown is happening. I need to play some music and light some candles. It is like, "Get through bed, people."
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I love it. And I mean, you're not alone. So many of us, right? Especially with kids and other moving parts. But finding ways to draw a little inspiration from these things, right? Look, I'm not saying let's all spend two hours in a candlelit environment before bedtime.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, but I think this is really, what you're doing is you're taking a spotlight and you're highlighting something that is within your reach to do. And when you understand that it is coming from a world renowned sleep scientist at Harvard, that thinking about the way you turn yourself down. So I think about I turn down the house. We turn off all the lights. I love that. You lock the doors. The dogs run into their crates and get a little treat. You say good night to the kids. You make sure the cat's outside. Hold on. This all sounds wonderful, Mel. Well, I don't have any candles. You know what I'm saying? But there is this signaling that happens.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Exactly. And look, that's actually part of your wind down routine. And maybe as you do those things, you're consciously looking at it as that. You're maybe slowing down your breath. When the dogs are out, you're consciously not on your phone. You're starting to switch into a different mindset, a one that's all about rest and recovery. And it's different than the daytime, right? The day is do, act, execute, thinking. And maybe at nighttime, you draw inspiration from some of the meditation world of thoughts come into the mind and then come back to the breath, say tomorrow. And if those thoughts are festering, a great addition to your bedtime routine is writing down anything that's on your mind.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So powerful because sometimes it's the stupidest little things that keep us awake. Oh, the dry cleaning. Got to call mom. Take the dogs to the vet. And there are things that you can only do sometimes during work hours. And so writing them down can then, I suggest a stack of note cards because then that can also be your to-do list. Those things that were bothering you that you need to do for now on a piece of paper and you can cross those off when you wake up.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Oh, that's great.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So you have a stack of like little five by seven note cards. And as you've got all those things that you'd normally ruminate about as you're laying in bed and you can't fall asleep, dump them in their little home and then you don't have to hold space in your brain.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Exactly. So powerful. And then you start to condition your brain to think, "Not now. Now's my time for sleep."
--:-- Mel Robbins: One of the other levers that you say helps us sleep better is a consistent schedule. What if you've got young kids or you got a puppy that's waking you up or your work is inconsistent? Like how do you create consistent sleep if something is interrupting your ability to do it?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: This is such a great question. And there are so many of these, right? Young kids, dogs, work. I would encourage you to look at your weekly schedule and find the time that you can protect for sleep. And that's going to be the time that your biological clock gets used to. And if you can get a little bit more time in the morning, an extra hour, go to bed a little bit earlier, an extra hour, wonderful. But if you can protect, say it's 12 to six, if you can protect 11 to five, be diligent about that. And then think about either end of that being kind of things that you could move, but have maybe a time.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: If you're a young mother listening, for instance, and you're like, "Look, I'm working, I have kids, how do I follow this nine hours?" Here's the thing. That is the goal. If you can get there, wonderful. But if you can't, give me seven. Take that first time that you have to be up. You've hit your target wake up time. That should be your alarm for every, ideally every day of the week. But again, life happens. We'll talk about how to catch up in a moment, but that's your target wake up time. And then count back maybe again, if it's only six that you can give me, count back six. And even if you can't get enough sleep, if you can get consistent sleep, here's the dirty secret. You're going to do much better than someone that's getting enough sleep, but keeping different schedules.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wait, what? So hold on a second. If I can get less sleep, but consistently, so I'm consistently getting five or six hours of sleep, I am going to do better than somebody who's getting eight or nine hours of sleep, but an inconsistent schedule?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: And we are talking about situations where the person is really fundamentally not able to get enough sleep. It's not what I recommend. But if you're a shift worker, if you're a single mom with kids working two jobs and you can't get eight hours of consistent sleep, if you can get five consistently or six consistently, I really want to move you towards six or seven for your health, your wellbeing, your ability to be around for those kids. If it's caregiving that's one of your challenges. And really putting and being diligent, how many hours can I give myself? Because the closer to seven, the closer to eight, the longer you're going to be around, the better the quality of your heart, your brain, your productivity, your relationships, so many positive things when we can put sleep first. But if you're looking at a schedule that is tough, then yes, consistency is king.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Why is consistency more important than the amount of time you're sleeping?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: It comes back to our circadian rhythm. Our body and our brain were not built as humans to keep different schedules. It didn't serve us from the standpoint of evolution. It served our ancestors from the standpoint of evolution to know when it would be alert. So then it could say, "Okay, these animals are up at this time and I can hunt for these animals and forage for these berries at this time. And then I prepare my meal in the heat of the day." It's kind of silly to compare, but it helps you understand just how important it is and how we're really built and takes a lot of time to change our physiology as a species. And our technology has really outpaced our biological rhythms, which are all about consistency and keeping our sleep times the same, powering down. These are things that we don't have hacks for.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, and what I love is there are things that you can do. And basically it makes sense because if you are a young mom or a shift worker or something's going on with your parents, and so you're in the middle of a period of your life where things are really inconsistent, that creates its own level of stress.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Totally.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so being worried about how much sleep you're going to get or this, that, and the other thing, if you can focus on the five or six hours that you can pretty much guarantee, that lowers a little bit of stress because now you're focused on what you can control. So it makes a lot of sense.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Totally.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What if your partner has a different schedule or snores like crazy or is just a human furnace and keeping you awake? Do you recommend that you sleep in a different room?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: This is such a good question. And if you have a partner, sleep is a social behavior. It's kind of funny to think of it that way, but it really is.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What do you mean by that?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: You co-sleep largely if you're in a relationship. So it's a social phenomenon. And so if your partner snores, it's going to probably interrupt the quality of your sleep. And so I would encourage you to think about, again, kind of putting sleep at the center. Granted, I am biased. This is what I do for a living. But when we can do that and really say critically, "How can we optimize for sleep?" That will improve your relationship, improve your productivity at work, how you care for your children, so many positive things. And then you have to ask yourself, "Am I creating lasting memories by sleeping together with my partner?" This term is actually termed as "sleep divorce," what I'm about to talk about, sleeping separately.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's a terrible name.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Which is so negative.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Totally. Can we kill it with a better name?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I couldn't agree more. I have some friends who are like, "Look, it's a sleep marriage. It literally is how I'm able to stay in this marriage." And that could be for a number of reasons. You should just have a sex bed and then a sleep bed.
--:-- Mel Robbins: We need to make this sexier in terms of the name of it.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: That's what people did in the Victorian era, right?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: And, you know, even earlier than that. And very wealthy individuals would always do that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I thought it was because they had mistresses, but I thought that's why they were not sleeping together.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: That might have been a factor. So you recommend that, like, just... And ask yourself as a couple, like, how can we be the best possible couple, you know, that we can be? How can we be the best parents, you know, succeed in our careers, love each other? And you can do that with good sleep. And if your sleep is interrupting each other's, maybe one's snoring, maybe one keeps a different schedule, one's a shift worker. If you're able to sleep separately, why not? And again, doing away with this term, sleep divorce, I think we should coin sleep marriage instead. Because again, you're just not creating lasting memories when you're sleeping. Sometimes it's nice to cuddle, but you could do that and then slip into your separate bedroom where you're going to get the sleep that will support your personal waking success. And again, allow you to thrive in that relationship.
--:-- Now, there are some people for whom that will be challenging. Maybe you don't have a guest room that you could, you know, oust your husband or your partner to go to. So if that's the situation for you, think about the ways that you could buffer against that disruption that your partner imposes on your sleep. Like a pillow wall and earplugs?
--:-- Mel Robbins: A pillow wall, earplugs, and earplugs that block against 60 decibels or higher.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: So it's just a specific type of earplug and they have them at the drugstore, you know, every drugstore. White noise, they're, you know, widely available. Look into one of these. It creates kind of a background level of noise that then can dampen the impact of intermittent noise, which is often the challenge, right? It's someone getting up to an alarm clock or someone snoring.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm going to try that. That's a good one. Absolutely. You know what? I want to take a quick break because I know you have so much more to teach us, to share with us. And so let's pause here. Let's hear a quick word from our sponsors. They allow me to bring you the extraordinary sleep scientist from Harvard, Dr. Rebecca Robbins. And I know if you've, as you've been listening, there's somebody in your life that isn't getting the sleep that they need to get. So share this episode with them. And Dr. Robbins and I are going to be waiting for you after a short break because she is only just getting started. We have so many more amazing tips and strategies to share with you when we return. Stay with us.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel. And you and I are here with the extraordinary Dr. Rebecca Robbins, the renowned sleep scientist and professor at Harvard Medical School. What is a circadian rhythm, Dr. Robbins?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Circadian rhythm refers to systems in the brain and in the body that operate and oscillate in an approximate 24-hour cycle. And that's because we on Earth have a pattern of light and darkness that is 24 hours in duration. And so over hundreds of thousands of years, we've adapted our internal biological mechanisms to that 24 hour day. Sleep is one such rhythm. So there's times during the day where we're awake and then times where we're asleep.
--:-- Now, the reason this is beneficial is largely evolutionary in nature. So when it's dark out, we can rest and recover. And when it's light out, we can be, you know, operating at our peak, working, commuting, et cetera. And so our physiology has adapted to life on earth and our internal systems are governed by this tiny little region of the brain called the suprachiasmatic nucleus. We call it the kind of central pacemaker of the circadian rhythm.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That almost made me want to go supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Yes, I feel like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Yes, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Yes, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Okay. If you ever want to impress someone at a cocktail party, that science-y term is the way to do it. How do we say it again?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Suprachiasmatic nucleus.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Like say that 10 times faster.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Suprachiasmatic nucleus.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes, bravo. Nailed it.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: So that's the central pacemaker of this biological clock that we have inside us. And what's so interesting is virtually every part of the body operates in a circadian-like fashion, firing it sometimes, and then relaxing and unwinding at other times, even down to the cellular level, believe it or not.
--:-- So this system, this internal circuitry, is not meant to make quick changes. Hundreds of years ago, we weren't flying on airplanes all around the world. So understanding that that internal system really, it's like I kind of like to liken it to a big piece of machinery from World War One that just moves like slowly. And really, when light changes in our environment, it's maybe a couple seconds a day, not much more. But we fly in airplanes, you know, we hop in airplanes and fly to new time zones and wonder why we just struggle with brain fog, with sleep. And it's because there's a mismatch between our internal biological rhythms and the new pattern of light and darkness and social time. So the clock on the wall when you land in London is of course going to be different than your internal biological clock. So understanding these principles can better set us up for success when it comes to our sleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So I have a couple questions. This is fascinating first of all. So thank you for breaking this down. One of the things that you also recommend is getting light in the morning. Why does this matter when it comes to your circadian rhythm and being a better sleeper?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: So that tiny brain region that we talked about where the circadian rhythm is housed is located right behind the eyeball in the brain. So the brain takes in information about the presence or absence of light through the eye. And then that travels along the optic chiasm to the suprachiasmatic nucleus.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There's really good names here. Optic chiasm, super whatever it is, very sexy field of study, Dr. Robbins.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: So light comes in through the eyes and triggers the suprachiasmatic nucleus or the kind of cognitive home for our circadian rhythm. And then that triggering allows for the secretion of melatonin when we're in the absence of light. So we've all heard that term and it's all over the shelves of every grocery store offering you the promise of good night's sleep. But it also is a hormone that's secreted in the brain in this home of our circadian rhythm, the suprachiasmatic nucleus. And that hormone is secreted when we go out into a dark environment and we see the sunset and then the process of melatonin secretion begins. And that allows us to then sleep.
--:-- Then conversely, when we wake up, that internal circuitry gets a signal through the eyes that travels to that brain region that says, "Oh, all right, melatonin, you're done. It's time to become alert and awake." And going outside to get some natural sunlight in the morning is really vitally important because that stops the floodgates of melatonin and triggers the brain to say, "Ah, all right, we're in the awake phase of our circadian rhythm."
--:-- Mel Robbins: So what happens if you step outside and it's a cloudy or rainy day? No problem. Does it still work?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: No problem.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Why does that work?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Because it's amazing the power of sunlight in our environment. And so even if it's a cloudy day, getting outside will get you the sunlight exposure that you need into your eyes to stop the floodgates of melatonin and begin your day. It's a myth that even on a cloudy day might hamper that or dampen that ability.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And how long do I need to be outside? So I've rolled out of bed. I've opened up the curtains. Being inside and looking out the window is not enough. I got to step outside. I got to get the UVs in my eyeballs. But how long am I standing out there, Dr. Robbins?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Great question. Now, I think it's so important. This is so aligned with your work, but meeting people where they are. I'm not saying, you know, we all need to be out, you know, walking for an hour before we get to work, but find a way to fit it into your schedule and think, you know, carefully, where could I get a little bit more sunlight? And if that's okay, I get up, I make my coffee, I have to drive 45 minutes. And maybe you park your car farther away from your office building. You walk for three minutes, give me five minutes. Amazing. Or if you're commuting on the subway, try to extend another stop. Walk one more stop before you go underground. Walk to your coffee or, you know, park your car instead of doing the drive-through. I think these little micro habits can go so far.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, I also think if you know that the reason why you're doing this is because you are using UV rays to manually reset the circadian rhythm in your body to go, "Okay, we're starting to practice." The thing I'm doing right now when I wake up is helping my body do what it's designed to do, which is sleep. What about for somebody that's listening who wakes up before the sun is even out? So you are going to work or to school or you live in a part of the world where it's really dark out when you wake up. What can you do?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Such a great question. And there are more than 25 million Americans who work on shift schedules. So we're going to work and coming back from work at times that are mismatched with the patterns of light and darkness in our environment. And for all of those reasons that we just talked about, the importance of sunlight exposure, those individuals can really struggle.
--:-- The good news is there are a lot of technologies that you can buy. And essentially, if you're an office employee outside the traditional kind of nine to five, get one of these lights that ideally is blue daylight spectrum and sit in front of that light, turn it on high when you get to the office, because what you want to do is you want to trick your body into thinking that that's sunrise. If that's your work schedule, you know, an early start, or conversely, if you're starting your day at, you know, nine or 10 PM when it's dark. Uh, we'll talk because you're working an overnight shift.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I've done that. And you feel like a zombie just to make sure. Cause I know people are gonna be like, "Okay, where do I, is this something that you can literally buy at a retailer or go on Amazon and just Google blue daylight spectrum light and you can purchase one?" You don't need a prescription from a sleep researcher.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Um, essentially these technologies are widely available. Um, and if you look for the, um, the lights that say specifically their blue daylight spectrum, because we really want that light being strong enough to emulate the sun. And so it can be strong enough that it's actually a treatment for seasonal affective disorder because it's that some of them are that potent and you sit in front of them and don't stare at it any more than you would the sun. But that can be a helpful part of adapting to a shift schedule.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So let's say the person listening is thinking, "Oh man, I don't have a consistent bedtime. I'm not looking at the UV. I'm all over the place. I got to get my circadian rhythm back in place." How do you shift or reset your circadian rhythm to a healthy kind of 24 hour cycle?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Really good question. I think one of the key questions to ask yourself is, where can I find some normalcy in my personal schedule? And if you're keeping what we call a yo-yo schedule, falling asleep at one time, one night, another time the next night, another time the next night, is that in your control? Is it maybe that just the hours fly and you're kind of leaning in and maybe you're watching another episode on, you know, streaming and then, you know, you get an Instagram, you know, alert and then suddenly, you know, it's way past your bedtime and you're looking at, you know, a short sleep window. So really ask yourself, are you doing this and is it in your control?
--:-- And if you're willing to try this out, what you could do if you do have control over your schedule, look at your typical week. What is the earliest time that you have to wake up? Is it say seven o'clock for an 8 a.m. meeting? And that allows you time to get ready and do your commute and get your light exposure. And yes, so let's make it 645. Sun might not be up then unless it's summertime, but so pick that time and that's your wake time. And ideally that's your alarm clock seven days of the week. Because if we can, if we sleep in, we really recommend no more than an hour, much more than that throws that internal circuitry out of whack.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wait a minute. So if I sleep in on the weekend more than an hour, I'm throwing my circadian rhythm off system much more than an hour.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: And we all know this. We just went through daylight saving time. And that one hour is enough to throw all of us out of sync, right?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: So much more than an hour is not recommended. So if you look at your typical week and say, you know, what is my earliest wake up time? And then you've hit your target wake up time for the week. Again, sleeping in an hour absolutely fine but much more than that Try to avoid But then count back give yourself a full nine hours because our biological need for sleep is individual Some people do very well on seven and some people do much better on nine And it's in part genetically kind of hardwired. And so if you had two parents that were longer sleepers and you're truly sleeping eight or nine hours a night, you might be a longer sleeper. And then if you had two short sleeping parents, you might be lucky and really truly only need closer to seven. But if you count back nine, that could maybe add a little bit of time for your wind down routine. Okay. And so those nine hours countdown and that's your target fall asleep time, or I should say, get ready for bed time.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Got it. I want to make sure that you hear this because this is the kind of advice that as you're listening or watching us, somebody's gonna be like, "Okay, but this is critical because if you, you got to stop and think about what is the wake up time that sets me up to be able to do some of the things that Dr. Robbins is going to tell us based on the research makes us a better sleeper because we are learning that better sleep begins with what you do once you wake up."
--:-- So she's saying, once you know your wake up time, and I'm going to do some math here because I think it's really important. Let's say it's just 6 a.m. That's what you need, 6 a.m. She says, count back nine hours. And so that means, where are we? 9 p.m., right? And that is the time that you now need to start the wind down routine based on research that will help you start to get the sleep that you need so that when you wake up, you feel refreshed, you aren't so tired, you got the benefit of sleep.
--:-- You know, I love what you're teaching us because this is within all of our power if we choose to follow it and we choose to try it. And so we've talked about circadian rhythm and consistency was a huge takeaway. And we've talked also about how one of the big things that we need to do is get this light first thing in the morning or that blue spectrum light if you need to get it from a different source if you're not getting outside. Can we talk more about light the rest of the day?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: It's a really great question. Morning light exposure is helpful and good, but actually getting exposure all across the typical day is vitally important. Actually, in the afternoon, it's just as important as the morning. So I didn't mean to privilege the morning over the afternoon, but instead getting exposure to fresh air and natural light over the course of the day is extremely important to help our body get information. "Okay. We're still in the wake phase. It's not quite sleep yet." And then going into darkness is equally as important as exposure to light during the day because that absence of light does the converse. It allows for the secretion of melatonin for the brain to say, "Ah, we're approaching bedtime. Let's start to power down."
--:-- And so unfortunately, many of us have bright blue light emitting devices all around us, not only our light bulbs, but also the devices that we carry around with us. You know, our smartphones, our tablets, our computer screens. Now in a perfect world, we would be able to unplug, even give me 15 minutes before bedtime. And you just start small. If you find that you're a little bit addicted to your phone, it's hard to put it down, start with maybe five minutes. If you could swipe to airplane mode, amazing. And I think there's something also powerful about that to say, "I'm off for the night. I might be receiving messages, but they can wait until the morning."
--:-- And think about all day long, we do things for other people in our careers and our personal lives. We care for children, we care for older adults, we spouses, you know, we help and support people in the workplace. And that another mindset is, you know, this is my time at night for me. And really consciously, purposefully turning your phone off. So if you find yourself a little bit addicted to your phone, start small. Try just five minutes before you want to be falling asleep. Switch your phone off. Try to give yourself at least a little bit of a buffer. And then maybe work up to 15. Maybe work up to 30 minutes.
--:-- Now, if you're telling me, "Look, I'm a student. I have work to do. I'm a busy professional. I have stuff I need to be doing up until the minute I fall asleep." I would implore you just to ask yourself, is there anything off screens that I can do at night? Do all your screen work during the day. And if it's reading a couple emails even, and you can print them out or reading a book or, you know, anything that you can shift from your workday into non-screen time and do that at night. So I think there's even a way to meet even the busiest of people where they are.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Dr. Robbins, you're nice. I'm not going to be nice. Like, I think that's a bunch of garbage that you have to be on your phone or on your laptop until you collapse into bed as if you're just going to collapse or fall asleep in bed with your laptop open because you don't have time between the stopping of work and the falling sleep. Complete and utter garbage.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I really agree with you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And for all of us, even the most busy person, honestly, if you can't, if you can't put your phone on airplane or stick it in the other room and give yourself five measly minutes, then don't be coming here and complaining about how tired you are. Like that, that's the thing that you have to understand is that the research is very clear and it's, and it's going to be, it's going to be very simple. I didn't say easy. It's going to be simple to put into your life, but you've got to want to get a good night's sleep. You've got to want to stop waking up tired and exhausted. And so really stop and think if this is you, that you're that addicted to work or that addicted to your phone that you cannot carve out five minutes, you're never going to change this.
--:-- And so I also am going to come back to the math because this is why it becomes really important to get very specific with yourself. If you're going to wake up at six and you're going to back up the nine hours like Dr. Robbins is telling you to do. And she's also saying you got to have a buffer. You got to have a buffer from the last screen time to when you're going to start falling asleep. Then maybe you need to put an alarm in your phone at 845 because that's the time you got to stop looking at the darn thing. And so anyway, you're nice. I am not. I'm just like, you can't complain about something and expect it to change. You got to do something.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Totally. And it comes back to this idea that good sleep actually does take a little bit of work and it's not going to come easy, but we get so frustrated when we're like, "I'm here, I'm trying, I'm doing everything," but being really critical. I love your points about, you know, what really be honest with yourself, right? Are you, do you really need to be on social media for 20 minutes before? You don't.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so that like, and that's the thing, like, I know we're all tired and we, and there's, there's periods of your life where very real things going on that are beating you up. But I think for most of us, most of us need to have a moment of honesty with ourselves, that we are making ourselves exhausted. We are giving our attention and our brain power over to the phone and social media and all of these screens. And we are not taking the wind down routine seriously. And so if you are serious about wanting to feel more energized, if you're serious about getting better sleep, you got to try what Dr. Robbins is telling you. And you're not going to like it because you're used to just kind of going through the thing. It's not sexy. You know, like I can't, I'm not here to say, "Trinkle a couple of glasses of wine and then, you know, spend some time on social media." But what really works when it comes to sleep is old school stuff. It's getting off of our screens. It's powering down, you know, making a cup of tea.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I love the Swedish tradition of hygge, this idea of, you know, warm, cozy time before bed. The Swedish culture has a word for this. And I think as Americans, we think, you know, "I'm just going to write reports. I'm going to send emails until the moment that I want to be falling asleep." Right. And then so many of us wonder why we struggle. But even just a couple minutes and then maybe build up to 10 minutes and then maybe 15 and maybe 30 off of your phone or your screens or your laptop before bedtime can do a world of good. Because all those devices are engaging the prefrontal cortex, the planning, the thinking part of the brain, and in many times giving you exposure that mimics the sun, right when you want to be falling asleep. So it's this cocktail of sleep inhibitors, really, when you think about it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, Dr. Robbins, what I love about everything that you're teaching us today is we can do it. Like every single human being listening can try these proven strategies. And in fact, as you've been listening, you have that friend. I know I have that friend who is always complaining that they're tired. Send them Dr. Robbins. Let her empower your friend or your family member to do these simple things that will help them get a better night's sleep because that's going to change their life. And that's how you can help them change their life. All righty, let's hear a quick word from our amazing sponsors. And don't you dare go anywhere because Dr. Robbins and I are going to be waiting for you after a short break with even more research about how to get a better night's sleep. Starting tonight. Stay with us.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel, and we are here with the amazing Dr. Rebecca Robbins from Harvard Medical School. She is a sleep scientist. And Dr. Robbins, should we be watching TV before we go to bed?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Well, some people swear by an episode of Seinfeld or Friends or some people listen to podcasts also. And, you know, that's part of the ritual. And I will say, if it's not broken, don't fix it. If that works for you and you don't find that it really being honest with yourself, it doesn't wake you up because some people will maybe fall asleep to that, but maybe they don't have a timer on. And then when, you know, there's a louder part of the show, it'll wake them up and then they'll go back to sleep and people say, "Oh, no, no, it's fine. It's what I do every night." But what we really want to work towards is a night of uninterrupted sleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What happens if you get up in the middle of the night, like I used to all the time, 214 was my number, 214 Mel Robbins, up, got to go to the bathroom. What happens if you're up in the middle of the night and I know I'm not supposed to look at my phone, but I would pick it up and I'd use it as a flashlight and then I'd get to the toilet, Dr. Robbins, and I'd flip that sucker over. And next thing you know, I'm surfing social media or checking out text messages while I'm going in the bathroom in the middle of the night. What does that blue light exposure do when you look at your phone once you wake up?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: And also kind of the rote procedure of waking up, whether it's in the middle of the night, whether it's in the morning and reaching right for your phone. It's kind of like an automatic response, right, that we've conditioned ourselves to do. A couple of suggestions for that. And again, this kind of comes back to the idea of these old school tricks, but a nightlight in your hallway, sensor activated nightlights, not only for your hallway, but maybe also they have them for the rim of your toilet. It's like a little bit gross, but that allows you to, if you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you know, get there.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, does it make it harder to fall asleep if you look at your phone when you wake up in the middle of the night?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: So the reason I bring up lights is that can guide you and reduce your reliance on your smartphone to get to where you need to go.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: When it comes to picking up the phone, though, maybe not for, you know, the flashlight function, but just to maybe see if you got any messages. You're like, "I'm up. I might as well be productive." Or "I'm bored or I can't fall asleep. So I'm just going to look at my phone." Done all of these things. Coming back to that idea of working towards consolidated sleep. So when you get up the next time, if this is, you know, anyone listening, the next time, take it in stride. That's the first thing. Don't kick yourself because it's so easy to say, "Oh, I'm up again." And then your cortisol spikes and then it's harder for us to fall asleep. Take it in stride. Get up and say, "Oh, did I, you know, do I need to use the bathroom?" Go to the bathroom and then crawl back into bed. Resist looking at the phone. Okay. Crawl back into bed and try again.
--:-- And we'll go through a great bedtime routine, but every good routine will culminate with a couple final things. And if it's prayer for you, if it's progressive muscle relaxation, clenching and releasing different muscle groups, if it's closing your eyes when you crawl into the sheets and focusing on one good thing from our day, I think that could be one small thing that we could all do and really benefit from. But focus on one small thing. Whatever it is that those final steps of the routine that get you to sleep, come back to those when you're awake in the middle of the night, crawl back into bed, do that last progressive muscle relaxation or kind of gratitude exercise. And then try again, close the eyes and, you know, slip off.
--:-- And if that voice again, rears its ugly head of, you know, "Oh, not again, not again." That is when you get out of bed.
--:-- Mel Robbins: We get out of bed and the sounds antithetical. You're like, "You're a sleep researcher. Or shouldn't I stay? I'm in bed. Shouldn't I stay here?"
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: But wrong. If we stay in bed and we're tossing and turning, either at the beginning of our sleep episode, or if we wake up and struggle to fall back asleep, we're starting to associate our bed with stress. It's one of the biggest myths people often will tell us on our surveys. "Oh, you know, if I can, if I stay in bed, I'll get some sleep. It's better, right? Then if I got out of bed." Wrong, because we start to toss and turn. We start to increase the temperature of our bedroom environment, which is not good. And then we start to identify our bed as a place where we experience insomnia. We wake up at 2.14, right? And we start to tell ourselves these stories and then they become a reality. Because now you're training yourself that this is what I do at 2.14. You're classically conditioning yourself to look at your bed as a stressful place.
--:-- So you want to break that cycle. As soon as that voice comes on and says, "Oh, not again, I'm up." That is when you want to condition yourself instead to get out of bed. Keep the lights low and go sit in a crisscross applesauce and do a meditation exercise, a breathing exercise on the floor or on an armchair. Read a couple pages of a book, ideally with a lamp that has a kind of a sleep-friendly light bulb. These are also widely available and not expensive. Install all sleep-friendly bulbs in your room. Get all of the fluorescence out of there. And if you're really struggling, maybe read a couple pages in a book or really do anything that's boring. It's going to put you back to sleep. Fold socks. I love to say your spouse will love you. Do all the boring, you know, house chores that you find to be soporific. Save that for when you have some insomnia, like symptoms and come back to those.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So what would you say to somebody who thinks they're a bad sleeper?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Well, I think first changing the narrative to yourself is the first step to say, "I got this. You know, I'm not a bad sleeper. No big deal. I'm struggling a little bit. It'll come back." And we're going to talk about the tools to come to and really have, you know, in your toolkit when problems rear their ugly head because they do for all of us. People always come to me and they're like, "Isn't your sleep perfect?"
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I'm like, no, of course not. I'm a mom of two. I have a busy career, a relationship, so many things going on for all of us that can hinder our ability to get good quality sleep. So number one, changing the narrative that you tell yourself, and then pulling on some of the levers of change that we're going to talk about. Try them all. Let me cut out caffeine and see if that helps. Let me cut out alcohol. Let me see if that helps. Let me move my dinner three hours earlier. Let me add a meditation technique or routine to my power down ritual. Trying all of these, the sweet spot and the constellation of healthy sleep strategies, that's the second step.
--:-- Now, if you've done all of that and really done it—because some people are like, "Oh, I've tried that, it didn't work"—but really giving it a shot for about a week and going all in on these strategies, and if you're still chronically struggling to fall asleep—I'm talking 20 or more minutes every single night, 30, 40 minutes to fall asleep—or if you're up every single night, can't fall back asleep, wired, or if you're practicing all the dictates of the healthy sleep strategies and you're still waking up, those are sleep disorders. That's where the sleep strategies we're going to talk about will not work, and you do need to seek medical attention before you can start to reap the benefits of some of these behavioral tips and strategies.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Terrific, that's super clear. And one of the levers that you can pull based on the research is also temperature. How is temperature related to getting better sleep?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Temperature is a really important consideration that's often overlooked. I think a lot of us think you want a warm and cozy environment for sleep, right? You want lots of blankets and to be warm and cozy. But if you find that you're waking up in a sweat or with the chills, that could be a sign that you personally are not in the right range for you. If you're in the menopausal period, you might need to be on the cooler side, even below 65 degrees, or look into products that purposefully cool you further because of some of the challenges there. Airflow is another great strategy in that life stage.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What does airflow mean?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: During sleep at night, we want mattresses, pillows, and things in our environment that promote airflow and temperature regulation. Anything that blocks airflow or isn't breathable will increase temperature.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I thought breathable meant you pick up the comforter and flap it like a wing to try to fan yourself. But I know exactly what you're talking about—a fabric that blocks your ability to regulate your temperature.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: A lower core body temperature is associated with sleep onset, so that is ideal to help us fall asleep. But over the course of our sleep at night, there are stages where we're not able to thermoregulate—in other words, shiver if we're cold or sweat if we're hot. Because we go in and out of different sleep stages, and in some of those stages we can't regulate our temperature, you want to be in a range called thermal neutral. About 65 to 68 degrees is generally that range where, if you're in a stage where you can't shiver or sweat, you'll be fine because you can maintain an appropriate body temperature.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So if you were to set the bedroom temperature to a certain number, what temperature do you want the person listening to set it to tonight for optimal sleep?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Also think about what temperature it is outside. Right now in Boston, it's perfect to have your windows open if you're able to—not everyone is in an environment where they can open their window, maybe it's loud or there are noises outside. But if you can open the window, what an amazing thing to get fresh air and regulate your bedroom environment. If you have central air, think about that range of 65 to 68. Maybe start at 65, and if you find yourself too cold, go up to 66, 67, or 68. There is a lot of individual preference in that range. Also, what you have on the bed matters. If you have a very light blanket, you could get by on the higher end. If you really like cozy blankets, you might want to go down to 65.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Can you describe the perfect bedroom to get a better night's sleep?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I love talking about the bedroom because I think it's one place where we could all make small changes. You want to set yourself up for success. I want you to walk in and feel instantly soothed. Ask yourself tonight when you walk into your bedroom, "What in here is stressing me out?" and remove it. If it's an alarm clock you hate, if it's a pillow you hate, get it out. Upgrading pillows and mattresses are really important. Sometimes people can't even tell me when they bought their mattress or pillows, and these things do not last forever. I want you to look forward to snuggling into your sheets, that amazing feeling of slipping in and loving your bed, feeling instantly relaxed and ready for sleep.
--:-- The design of a great bedroom has a couple other things. We talked about temperature—hopefully you're in the 65 to 68 degree range. Dark is also vital. Our eyelids are some of the thinnest pieces of skin on our bodies, and even light from a cable box or coming through a curtain from outside can be enough to disrupt your sleep, believe it or not. I want your bed pitch black. Walk in after sunset and put masking tape or duct tape over any light sources. Sometimes cable boxes have little lights, chargers, anything that emits light—get it out of the bedroom. A pitch black environment will do you so much good and really set you up for success from the standpoint of melatonin secretion and all the things necessary to help you fall asleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love this. So tonight when you walk into your bedroom, what is in there that's stressing you out? I can think about periods of my life where there were piles of laundry in my bedroom and things I needed to do, and all that unfinished stuff would stress me out. So clear out anything.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Yes, it's a reminder of your to-do list. So declutter your room. You want the temperature between 65 and 68. You want a pitch black environment. And to the extent it's within your reach, get a mattress you love, invest in coziness in your sheets and bedding.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And don't be embarrassed if you've had the same thing for a long time. Chris and I just replaced our mattress. We've been sleeping on it for 22 years, the same mattress, everybody. So if you are in that camp, your friend Mel Robbins just got a new mattress.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I love that. The key thing is, is it promoting airflow? Is it supporting you? Are you waking up with neck pain? Those can be signs that it might be time for a new mattress.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let's talk about alcohol. How does alcohol impact your ability to sleep at night?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: My students love to tell me, "You're wrong. I'll drink and I'll put myself right to sleep." There's some truth in that statement. Alcohol is great at reducing what we call sleep latency—the time it takes us to fall asleep. But what alcohol does is it starts to destroy the quality of our sleep. The idea that a nightcap is a good thing for sleep is completely wrong. It's one of our biggest myths about sleep. Depending on your body mass and tolerance, one dose might be okay, but much more than that will start to virtually destroy the quality of your sleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You've probably all been there. I wake up when I drink. I always wake up in the middle of the night. I fall asleep quickly, but I do not stay asleep. And it's not restorative. You wake up, even if you spent eight, nine, or ten hours sleeping, you often feel like you haven't slept at all.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: The structure of our sleep starts to change. It simply disrupts that architecture. So it's very different than the structure of natural sleep without alcohol. It's very common for someone to wake up after a night of even just one or two glasses and not feel restored.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I think universally speaking, when somebody does Dry January or stops drinking or goes for periods without alcohol, better sleep is 100% what people talk about.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Absolutely. It's amazing. When we take someone who drinks every night and they do Dry January, it's a light bulb. Finding ways to extend those benefits into our calendar year—even if it's Monday through Wednesday you're going to be dry—those very clear boundaries are so helpful. After a long day, it's so easy to say, "I earned it." But if you have structures in place and make it fun—substitute a fun cup of tea ritual with your partner—what you're teaching us is that what you've earned is a great night's sleep. Giving yourself the gift of better sleep is a better reward than the glass of wine that numbs you out.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Speaking of drinking, let's talk about the impact of caffeine on sleep—specifically coffee, but also energy drinks and pre-workout stuff pumped full of caffeine. How does caffeine impact sleep quality?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Caffeine, like a drug, can stay in our system with a half-life of six to nine hours, depending on your metabolism. There are some genetic differences, but by and large, caffeine is a significant disruptor of our sleep as a society. It's the number one most widely consumed drug in the world. Look, I love coffee. I love the smell. I find this to be such a struggle to cut off. But ask yourself: if one of your struggles is a busy mind, heart racing before bed, can't calm down, then you might be a good candidate to have one fewer cup a day. If you go for a walk and get a coffee in the afternoon, try an herbal tea instead. Make one substitute and see how you feel. Some people swear by no coffee after lunch. Maybe have one nice medium cup and try not to have the enormous cups from fast food chains. The FDA recommends about 200 milligrams of caffeine, which is a size small at most coffee places. Be mindful of not only the timing but how much you're consuming, because each additional dose can extend that half-life even further. If you have a medium coffee in the morning and then another in the afternoon, you've doubled the half-life. That caffeine might be lingering in your system at seven, eight, nine o'clock.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So what time should you stop drinking caffeine? Let's say your wind-down routine begins at 9 p.m. What time should you stop drinking caffeine so it's out of your system?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Be mindful of it. If you find your heart racing, your mind racing, you're really struggling to fall asleep, caffeine is often one of the culprits. Take a day where you cut it out or try decaf. See how your sleep is that next night. Then maybe add one coffee back in the morning and see how you do. If you have no issues at bedtime, keep that up. Maybe you just keep that one cup a day, or add one more and see if it has any negative impacts. I'm a big fan of very clear cutoffs. No coffee after lunch.
--:-- Mel Robbins: No coffee after lunch. It's hard because I personally love coffee, but that's a big one for me. If it were up to me, I'd be drinking it all day. I just love the smell. But behavior can become so mindless. Having these cutoffs we can adhere to instead of an abstract "I'll stop in the afternoon" is key. Suddenly it's three or four o'clock, and any coffee at that time will likely be in your system around bedtime.
--:-- Another factor in sleep is food. At what time should we stop eating before bed? If we're starting the wind-down at nine o'clock to make the math easy, when should you stop eating?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: The old adage from the nutrition literature—breakfast of kings, lunch of princes, and dinner of paupers—is actually really good for your sleep. Research shows that in diets controlling for calories, you actually lose weight with this pattern. It's good for weight management and good for your sleep. We don't run the risk of our body digesting food as we go to bed if we keep dinner on the lighter side. There's also the intermittent fasting literature, which came out of a circadian rhythms laboratory. The whole idea there—listen to your body. If you're open to it, you might try it. If dinner keeps nudging later and suddenly it's 9 or 10 p.m. and your bedtime is in another hour, you might be a good candidate for a clear cutoff. Is it 8 p.m.? I want to be done eating, so I'm eating dinner at 7, whether that's at the office or with my spouse. Many people tell me their meal with their spouse is the only time they have together. I always respond: you don't have to be together over food. Look forward to your date on Friday or Saturday night or weekends where you have more flexibility to really make a meal together. During the work week when you're getting home late and your spouse is too, find another ritual. Maybe make a cup of tea together and play a card game.
--:-- Mel Robbins: My husband and I play cribbage, and we're really into jigsaw puzzles. We have one on the dining room table and we sit around it. But if there were a rule of thumb—I've noticed one thing that made a difference for Chris and our son who's in high school—we were getting out of the habit of eating early, and dinner crept to seven, then eight, right up on bedtime. I pushed dinner to 5:30 because our son was coming home from sports practices and eating half the refrigerator. By the time dinner was cooked, he'd already fed himself. But I've noticed it's made a big difference with my sleep and bedtime routine to be done eating several hours before I go to bed. So if it helps, you should stop eating two hours before you go to bed.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I love that routine. It sounds like you're doing intermittent fasting without even knowing it because you've added about three or four hours before you fall asleep. You're extending the fast we naturally do over the course of our sleep. There are so many benefits to fasting—just giving our digestive system a break is the whole idea behind intermittent fasting. If you can find a time, 5:30 or 6, and really be diligent—if your son is on a bus to sports practice, he has a meal you cooked for him that he eats at the sports field, or a smoothie. I'm a big fan of smoothies for dinner. Everyone drinks them for breakfast, but if you're busy, getting good calories in a light way that's likely not to disrupt your sleep can be amazing. It comes back to this idea that good sleep takes planning.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm curious, Dr. Robbins. Can you walk us through the day in terms of when you wake up to when the alarm rings? What are all the little things you want us to do at what time that help stack up these habits for a great night's sleep?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: It's a great question. Think about how you can fit these into your life, because there's the best-case scenario and then there's real life. There's a lot of opportunity to meet all of us where we are with some of these recommendations. The question for you becomes: how can I implement these things?
--:-- One thing we know is good: blue light, as much as you can over the course of the day. Whether that's walking an extra subway stop, walking to your office building, parking your car a little further away—get as much light exposure as you can in the morning. Get a healthy, hearty breakfast. Research shows a heavy, hearty breakfast is great because we're getting the calories to fuel our waking success, and then keeping dinner on the lighter side. Over the course of the day, a hearty lunch, limiting caffeine consumption, and a little more light exposure would be wonderful.
--:-- I'm always getting questions about the cure for the afternoon slump. Truly, we all have it. It's a time where we've been up for a long period. We have a little dip in our core body temperature in the afternoon, coupled with maybe a heavy lunch—it's the perfect storm for sleepiness. The one best evidence-based cure for sleepiness is sleep. So if you're exhausted, take a nap. If you're a healthy sleeper, that can be part of a healthy sleep routine. The one exception: if you're struggling with insomnia symptoms—the self-talk of "I'm a bad sleeper" coupled with a lot of anxiety about sleep—do not nap. We want to build your sleep pressure so you can set yourself up for sleep at bedtime. But if you're feeling sleepy in the afternoon, why not? If you're home or work from home, crawl into your bed and close your eyes for maybe five or ten minutes. We don't need a lot of time when it comes to napping to get a lot of benefits.
--:-- In the afternoon, get some natural light exposure, then slip into evening mode. Be thoughtful about different mindsets, slowing down your breath as you approach bedtime. Ideally, dinner has been on the earlier side. A later dinner isn't ideal for sleep. If it's two hours of buffer between your last meal and bedtime, perfect. If you could give me three, I'd love it. Then maybe a little evening work if you need to—some of us, that's a reality. There's a computer program called Flux. It's software you can download to your computer that changes the color temperature of your screen to be warmer. If you have to be working on your computer as you approach bedtime, look into that tool. It changes automatically. It's wonderful.
--:-- Then you switch into your bedtime routine and your ritual that helps you fall asleep. You crawl into the sheets and you slip off. But realize it's not going to happen every night. The hope is that after hearing our conversation today, you have the tools if you're motivated and have the time. Not everyone does, because we go through peaks and valleys of career exploding with deadlines, or personal obligations caring for a loved one, children, older adults. Realizing you might be in a life stage where you can't implement these things—that's okay. But when you're able to give them a shot, what do you have to lose?
--:-- Mel Robbins: You can implement some. Absolutely. No matter what's going on in your life, you can create a buffer with your phone. You can stop the alcohol. You can quit drinking caffeine at lunchtime. You can get your butt outside and get natural light in your eyeballs in the morning and throughout the day. You can create a small ritual. The consistency may be a little difficult based on your schedule, but I actually don't think these things are out of reach. I think we've gotten used to complaining about being tired. What you're offering are research-backed solutions within everybody's reach. It is my hope that as you've been listening today, you're going, "Well, I could try that. I could try that. My sleep is important."
--:-- One thing I keep thinking about is I love how you've changed the story of what's happening at night from "I gotta get to sleep, I gotta get to bed, I need to put down my phone" to "No, I'm taking the time back. This is my time. I gave my day to everybody else. I gave my attention to the phone and social media. This is where I get to reclaim my time and do a little something for myself." So Dr. Robbins, if you could speak directly to the person listening—if there is one action you hope they take, what's the most important thing to walk away from this conversation and do?
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I think the single thing is routines and rituals. We've applied that to a lot of different aspects of our days—the time leading up to sleep, the wind-down ritual before bedtime. Try to work towards a bedtime routine. Find some normalcy in building routine around your target fall-asleep time. Be more mindful of that time, and your wake-up time. We're meant as human beings to operate that way. Build them in and start small with maybe a bedtime routine, a couple wind-down rituals, turning off the phone, thinking about some of these breathing exercises. Then maybe add in the consistency of bedtimes and wake times and really be diligent about that. Also realize how you feel and realize that it doesn't have to be a struggle. If you're ready and motivated, these things—you hit the nail on the head, Mel—they're free and they're available tonight if you're willing.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love that. Free and available tonight. Dr. Robbins, thank you so much for being here.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.
--:-- Mel Robbins: In case no one else tells you, I want to tell you that I love you and I believe in you. And because I love you, I'm going to tell you something. I want you to do what Dr. Robbins is telling you to do. I don't want to hear the excuses. I want you to try it because your sleep matters, your energy matters, your health matters, your focus matters. These are all things you can try and implement. Try it for seven days. Let me know how much better you're feeling. Make sure you share this with somebody you love because you heard it—two-thirds of adults are not getting the sleep and rest they need. And now you know, based on the clinical studies and research we discussed today, there are simple things you can do that you need to start doing. So take it seriously. All right, I'll talk to you in a few days. Okay, tonight we're getting sleep. Tonight we're sleeping.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I love that. Ooh, and I even love your voice. It's very soothing. We need to sleep after you talk us to sleep.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Dr. Robbins, Mel, I feel like we could do some cool stuff together.
--:-- Dr. Rebecca Robbins: I know we can. The start of something.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I would say so. Yes, it is starting. And you said "tonight starting tonight." When you said that, I was like, "Oh my god, I love you."
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, and one more thing. This is not a blooper. This is the legal language—what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.
