How to Achieve Your Most Ambitious Goals

**The Mel Robbins Podcast**

**Mel Robbins:** Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I'm so glad you're here. We're talking about ambition. Not only ambition, but how to achieve your biggest ambition. And don't you dare tell me you do not have ambition. That is why you're listening right now. And this is what I want to focus on. Ambition is amazing. And in order to achieve what you want to achieve, you want to know the most challenging part? It's not giving up. Because the bigger the ambition, the longer it's going to take. I don't care whether you want to make more money, or you're looking for the one, or you're trying to get in the best shape of your life, or launch an incredible business, or see your name on the cover of a book that you publish. It is so easy when your ambition is huge to want to give up, but not today. Not today and not you, because today you are going to learn that, yes, you can achieve your ambitious goal. Today, I am going to teach you a metaphor. It's something that I love. You're going to come back to it over and over and over because it's going to help you keep going and not quit on those ambitions, especially when you want to.

**Mel Robbins:** Hey, it's Mel. And today I am going to share this killer metaphor with you because you have huge ambitions. I know that you have huge ambitions and I want to make sure that you never give up on going for them. And that's why I am in such a fired up mood today. I'm so fired up. I actually forgot to introduce myself and welcome you to the show. I'm Mel. Welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast family, whether you're listening for yourself or you're listening because somebody sent this to you and they wanted you to get the information that you need to achieve your biggest ambitions. Welcome, welcome, welcome. And thank you for making the Mel Robbins podcast one of the most popular podcasts in the entire world. And before I jump in to how you can achieve your biggest ambition, I want to acknowledge you for something. You could be listening or watching a million things right now, but you picked this. Why? Because you want to create a better life and you do want to achieve those big ambitions of yours. You want to see them happen. And I think that's amazingly cool. And today is going to help you do that because today I am going to teach you a metaphor that will keep you from quitting. It'll keep you from giving up. It'll keep you from feeling discouraged as you're trying to not only make your life better, but you are chasing down those ambitions of yours. We're going to focus on how you navigate that period of time where you got your head down, you're putting in the work, but the payoff, it's just not happening. And if somebody that you love has a big dream and you're starting to feel a little worried because they seem a little discouraged, please send them this episode because it'll give them the jolt of inspiration that they need to keep going. And that's the difference between the people that make it and the people that achieve their biggest ambitions and those people who don't. People who achieve their massive ambitions, they don't quit. And after today, neither will you. So let's jump into this.

**Mel Robbins:** I was inspired to talk to you about this because I was having a conversation with one of our daughters. Her name is Kendall. And if you're new to the Mel Robbins podcast, my husband and I, we have three kids and our middle daughter, Kendall, is 23 and she's a singer songwriter. And so we were chatting the other day and she was super excited because the singer, Victoria Monet, she's an R&B singer, had just won three Grammys. And Kendall was so fired up. And I'm like, I don't know a lot about her. Tell me a little bit about her. Why are you so fired up about her? And Kendall was like, oh, check this out. So mom, Victoria has spent 15 years writing songs with other people and for other people. And you've probably heard of some of the people she's worked with. Ariana Grande, Kendrick Lamar, Selena Gomez, Doja Cat, Brandy, Fifth Harmony. I mean, that is an insane list of writing credits. So clearly, Victoria Monet, very successful singer-songwriter. But here's the thing. That wasn't her biggest ambition. You want to know what her big ambition was? It was to write and perform songs of her own and to be recognized as the artist that was singing them. She has been waiting for 15 years to be the one up on that stage at the Grammys. And just a few weeks ago, that major ambition of winning a Grammy and being recognized as an artist, it happened because she was named the Best New Artist of the Year, the Best Album for R&B, and the Best Engineered Album. And by the time you are listening to me right now, she will have also won the Billboard Women in Music Rising Star Award.

**Mel Robbins:** Now, the reason why this is relevant to you and to the topic of ambition today is because when Victoria Monet stood up on that stage at the Grammys and accepted the Best Artist Award, she gave a speech about what it took to spend 15 years in the dark, not being recognized, trying, working, chipping away at that ambition. And our daughter, Kendall, was so inspired by Victoria Monet's speech. She was like, Mom, you have got to listen to this acceptance speech. So I did. And after I heard it, I was like, I have to share this with you. We have got to talk about this. So let me just set the stage a little bit before I play the clip. Victoria has just been announced as winning Grammy for the best new artist, okay? She is making her way up to the stage. She gets up to the microphone. They hand her the Grammy. She is wiping away those tears. And then she looks directly at that camera and she has something to say to you.

**Victoria Monet:** I just want to say to everybody who has a dream, I want you to look at this as an example. This award was a 15-year pursuit. I moved to LA in 2009, and I like to liken myself to a plant who was planted.

**Mel Robbins:** Can we just talk about her voice for a minute? Don't you just love her voice? And you know what else I love? I loved that moment, the emotion where she takes a pause and she sniffs in like that and gathers herself. I mean, that's what it feels like when you have been pushing yourself forward for 15 years and it finally happens. And I really want to laser focus in on the last part of what Victoria Monet said. It was how she kept going day after day, year after year for 15 years, waiting for it to be her turn. Let's take a listen to what she said again.

**Victoria Monet:** I just want to say to everybody who has a dream, I want you to look at this as an example. This award was a 15-year pursuit. I moved to L.A. in 2009, and I like to liken myself to a plant who was planted.

**Mel Robbins:** I want to dive into and unpack the thing that she shared, this idea of likening yourself to a plant that has been planted. But first, before we unpack this metaphor, I want to ask you to pause and think. What is your Grammy moment? I'm serious about this. If you were to just roll the clock ahead a year, three years, five years, seven years, 15 years. What is it that you really want? And I want you to go really big. That's why I'm calling it a Grammy moment. I mean, a Grammy moment is a big moment. So allow yourself to just open up and visualize something big that you see? Is it making a certain amount of money? More money than you ever thought you would make? Is it a beach house that you want to buy? Or a house in the mountains that you want to build? Or maybe you're an artist. Do you want to go on tour? Make a living selling your art? Or how about your YouTube channel? Is your Grammy moment hitting a million subscribers? Maybe you are so inspired by Studio McGee and Magnolia, and you would love to have an interior design business and launch products, and that's your Grammy moment. Or maybe you see yourself selling your business at some point in the future. The fact is there is something big inside of you, even if your life may feel small right now. And if you're sitting here and you're trying to imagine a Grammy moment, you're like, but I don't know what I want, but I don't know what I want. If you can't envision the Grammy moment, let's go smaller. Let's go smaller. Because there is an idea that is nagging at you. And maybe it doesn't feel very big and that's why you keep ignoring it. Maybe you've been thinking, I should pick up my paintbrushes again. I should start walking every day after breakfast again. That seed of an idea that you're ignoring, that can be big enough. The whole point of this is to stop questioning and to put yourself into a position to start growing again. You spend too much time debating. Should I be a tulip? Should I be a daisy? Should I be an oak tree? Should I be an asparagus? Stop. Stop. I want you to consider something radical. You don't need to know what you're going to become. Trust that. So whatever that idea is, no matter how small it may be, whether it's picking up the paintbrushes, whether it's going back to school, whether it's simply spending more time with the people that you love, lean into that. And that alone will help you start to grow into a better version of yourself. And so I want you to take a moment and just envision what that big, beautiful, amazing thing is. And I can share mine. It's probably going to surprise you. But when I close my eyes, I don't imagine something in the media or the podcast space. My moment, a moment that's as big as a Grammy moment, is something that I really want to do. I know it's going to take a lot of work and I've never done anything like this before I want to do something in the women's health and supplement space I mean it I have no idea where that's coming from but I just can't deny that this idea is inside of me and I've probably been thinking about this now for, I don't know, three or four years. And I think the reason why I really want to do this, something in the women's health and supplement space, is because I have become very focused on optimizing my own health. And the more I learn about my health, the more it seems like every single woman I know is completely confused about hormone balance and what supplements to take. And it is so overwhelming. And every company that I discover that is targeting women's health, it's typically been launched and run by a bunch of dudes. And so I just see a huge opportunity to create something that really empowers women with a solution that is led by other women I know you did not expect that from Mel Robbins did you Well, it's my Grammy moment. It is not your Grammy moment. And this has been inside of me. Like I know it's I can feel it. And this is the first time I am publicly saying it. You haven't heard me say this before. Now it's your turn. Stop and think. What's something really big that you would love to see yourself accomplish? That right there. That's your Grammy moment. And I want you to keep that vision in mind as I talk about this metaphor of a plant. Because we're gonna unpack Victoria's metaphor so that you understand all the components of it and you can use it to help you. It's not only gonna help you get started, but this metaphor is gonna keep you going when you feel jealous or unlucky or frustrated that success has not come your way or you feel discouraged because you have no idea how to launch a supplement company. And I can't wait to dig into this with you because Victoria Monet's Grammy speech offers you guidance on how to navigate this period between having a vision and actually bringing it to light. So here's the metaphor. I like to liken myself to a plant. And I want you to liken yourself to a plant because this metaphor is going to immediately stop you from questioning whether or not this Grammy moment of yours is even possible. Because number one, every plant starts as a teeny, teeny little seed. But here's the thing about a little seed, which is what you are when you just have a seed of an idea. The thing about a seed that's so cool is absolutely everything that is required of the plant to grow from that teeny tiny little seed into something huge and extraordinary, it is contained inside the seed. And that's why it is so important that you take a moment with me and you acknowledge this seed of a wish or a dream or an idea that you have within you. Because that's all that's required. The seed is the beginning of something extraordinary and you already have that within you. Because if you can envision that grammy moment of yours in the future, that's evidence of that seed of an idea. And that's why you need to use this metaphor of a plant that's been planted any single time that you start to doubt this idea, like I've doubted this idea, what are you doing thinking about a supplement? That is a dumb, stop. Let that seed take root. I mean, think about an acorn. Do you know how little that thing is? It is like this tiny thing in the palm of your hand. And that sucker over time can explode into a mighty oak? Why? Because all of that intelligence for the acorn to grow into an oak is already inside the acorn. It knows what to do. The same thing is true for a tulip bulb. A single bulb has everything inside of it in order to explode into a gorgeous tulip in the spring. so do you. Stop doubting yourself and recognize that if you already have this seed of an idea to plant out into the world, it is in you. And it's been sitting there waiting to bloom in all of its unique, beautiful glory. If you have a dream of opening up a restaurant or you want to become a wildly successful influencer, and yet you have all this doubt? Stop. Stop and trust. Trust that because you have the idea, it is already in you and you are meant to plant it into the world so that it can bloom. The universe wouldn't give you that idea if it didn't want you to do something with it. And I'm here to tell you to stop questioning it and trust it. And the second reason why this plant metaphor is so powerful is because that seed, it's designed to grow and so are you. You are designed to grow from the moment that you are born and you do not stop growing until the day that you die. And once you actually realize that there is this seed of an idea, it is going to haunt you if you do not grow toward it. And I need you to wrap your mind around the fact that you exist right now because your job is to take this idea and plant it into the world and do what it takes to see it grow. And one of the reasons why you may feel stagnant right now or lost is because you're not taking action on that idea. And here's another example of how plants are designed to grow, that you need to do this, you need to grow. This is the answer that you've been looking for. Have you ever noticed that plants grow toward the light? They can't help themselves. They are designed this way. For example, if you stick tulips in a vase, like the tulips behind me here on YouTube, you can't see them if you're listening to me, but they're gorgeous. They're these bright orange tulips, four of them, sitting in a glass vase. If I were to stick that glass vase right on the countertop, within 24 hours, they will be pointed toward the window looking for the sun, trying to grow. It's called phototropism. For you, it's called action. You must move toward the light. You must take action. action every single day. Ask yourself, what is one thing I can do to move toward the light of this idea? Now, the third reason why I love this metaphor of likening yourself to a plant is because the undeniable truth about a plant, you cannot force a plant to bloom before it's ready. Every single gardener knows this. If you want to have peas in the middle of the summer to eat, You got to sow those peas into the ground by St. Patrick's Day. Pumpkin seeds, they got to be in the ground right after Mother's Day if you plan to have them ready for Halloween. And no one plants a zucchini on a Monday and expects to be eating it for dinner on a Friday. Why? Because for something to grow, it takes time. And you are too impatient. You are so focused on where everything is leading that you are skipping the most important part. getting started and giving yourself time to grow see it's the struggle and the build-up and the journey and the tears and the time and the experience and all the ups and downs that is the most important part of growth you know that but you're not doing it it's the part where you are sowing the seeds and watering the soil and day in and day out taking care of what needs to be taken care of and putting in the work that is where the foundation lies you know if i take you back to our little acorn, if you plant it in the soil and you put it in the sun and you water it every day, it takes almost six weeks for anything to sprout. Six weeks. And you are giving up before the time that is required. See, it's in this time where you don't see anything happening. That's when the roots are taking shape. That is where the success is being built. And there is no skipping this part because anything that's worth doing takes time. It takes time to strengthen the vine, to fortify the stem, to get the roots tough and sturdy so that they can support the beauty that happens above ground a long time from now. And that's your problem. You're so obsessed with what it's going to look like and the final product and the big Grammy moment that you are either quitting too soon or you're not even getting started. And honestly, I think part of your problem is social media. Think about TikTok and Instagram. It is constantly shoved in your face. Here's the final product. Here's the overnight success story. Every other count these days seems to be some influencer telling you how to make a million dollars in less than a week or a two-week program to get six-pack abs. It's so in your face that it is easy to overlook the truth. And the truth is, even the stuff that's being marketed to you, these makeup tutorials, the new journal businesses, the clothing lines that everybody's launching like that, it took two or three years of working for somebody to get to the point where they could make one post and market that to you. It didn't happen overnight. They just want you to think it did so that you buy it. But the problem is now you're thinking about life in that regard. You're thinking that things should be going faster and moving along faster and it should be your turn now. And you're so focused on the end of the game or becoming an overnight success that you stop trusting that your Grammy moment is coming someday. The work that you actually need to do, it requires patience. It takes time because it's in the time and the patience that you build the confidence. So keep reminding yourself that you are a plant that has been planted. And this is so important because, number one, whatever your genius is, it's already in you. Trust it. Number two, plants are designed to grow and so are you. So move toward the light and take action to grow. And number three, you can't force a plant to sprout too quickly. Be patient. And this feels like a really good time for us to take a moment and hear a word from our sponsors. They are essential to the Mel Robbins podcast growing and being here for you. And when we return, we're going to dig into the most critical factor in a plant's ability to grow. And it's a critical factor in your growth too. And it's the environment. So stay with us.

**Mel Robbins:** This award was a 15-year pursuit. I moved to LA in 2009, and I like to liken myself to a plant who was planted. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and that was Victoria Monet, who just won three Grammys, and she was accepting the award for Best New Artist after working in Hollywood for 15 years as a songwriter for other people. Now it was her turn. And we're unpacking this metaphor that she shared. I like to liken myself as a plant that had been planted. as a way to keep herself going during the 15 years that it took for her to get to that Grammy stage. And I want to focus on this idea of being planted and in particular the environment, because the environment that you're in is crucial to your success. It makes sense. A tulip can't grow in cement and you can't grow in cement either. So let's go back to the Grammys where Victoria Monet received this award. She has talked about the plant analogy, but then she goes a layer deeper Let take a listen And I like to liken myself to a plant who was planted and you can look at the music industry as soil and it can be looked at as dirty or it can be looked at as a source of nutrients and water. And my roots have been growing underneath ground unseen for so long. Oh, can you just hear that? Oh, after the so long. It's such a relatable feeling, isn't it? And what I want to focus on is what she said in the middle, that she was planted in the music industry for the past 15 years. And the music industry can be looked at as soil. And you can look at that soil as either dirty and getting in your way and not fair and all the stuff that you and I tell ourselves as we start to feel discouraged that it's not happening fast enough. Or you can look at the soil, the place that you've been planted in, as the source of nutrients and water, something that is nourishing you toward your best self. And the fact is, she's right. The environment that you're in is critical to your growth, which begs the question, are you even planted somewhere? When you think about this big Grammy moment, the thing that you really want to work toward, are you even planted? Or are you busy looking at other people's gardens? If you haven't started on your goal, then you aren't even planted yet. You're a pack of seeds sitting in the display rack at Home Depot, just waiting for somebody to buy it, nestle it into the ground, get things going. And that's probably where you are because the hardest part of growing is starting. You have to put the seed in the soil so that it actually can have a chance to grow. And so answer this question honestly for yourself. Am I even planted? Or am I just looking at other people's gardens? Am I looking at social media and TikTok and Instagram and all these influencers? Because that's exactly what it means to look at someone else's garden. You're not going to grow by doing that. You're going to actually feel stagnant. You're going to feel lost. You're going to feel discouraged. At some point, you got to wake the hell up and you got to plant yourself. And if you have a seed of an idea, you've got everything inside of you to bloom into something extraordinary over time. Have you even started drafting out a table of contents for that book you've always dreamt of writing? Have you had the conversation with your boss about moving from HR to marketing? Have you started looking for therapists, like truly looking, calling, checking insurance? Have you had that conversation with your partner about what's been triggering you and why you're so annoyed all the time? Or are you waiting for them to do it. Like you can either be thinking about something, sitting around waiting, waiting for someone else to spot you and sign you to a label instead of creating and publishing your own music. I want to tell you something. No one is coming. You need to start. You need to plant yourself so you can then begin to do the work to put down those roots to wake up every day and put in the daily reps that it's going to take to grow into something extraordinary. It might take you 15 days. You might be lucky. Might take you 15 months. Might take you 15 years. The difference between people who are successful and have everything that you want is they didn't quit when they felt like quitting. They got started instead of thinking about it. And you will never succeed. I won't succeed either in this idea of a supplement business. And you won't either, if you don't take the seed, that idea that you have and actually get started. So let me come back to that question. What is your Grammy moment? Really visualize it. You know, when I close my eyes, I can see the packaging. I can see it on a conveyor belt being packaged, that's how much I can put myself there. I bet you can do the same thing. Well, guess what? It's time to prove it. Not to me, but to yourself. I don't think you realize how much time you're wasting looking at other people's gardens, checking out all the other flowers, talking about what everybody else is doing, instead of taking the action and committing to your own growth. And if you're sitting there and you're complaining to me, you're kind of like, Well, I'm not really going anywhere. I guarantee you, you haven't planted yourself. You started dancing around the idea, buying planners instead of actually doing the work. Do you do that? I do that. That's like sort of the preparing. It's sort of the easy way to kind of make an idea feel like it might be an idea. You know, okay, we're doing, we're doing. No, you're not. No, you're not. I'm going to call you out on this because it's the same thing that I do. I have done this in so many areas of my life where I've admired other people's gardens. and then bitched about the fact that I'm not going anywhere. I'll admit something to you. When I was in my 40s, I was so lonely. I mean, I had no social life. It's as if the bottom dropped out. And do you want to know what I did about it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I knew what I wanted. I could visualize it. But I didn't do anything about it. I spent a lot of time looking at what other people were doing. and then comparing myself to them or complaining to myself about it. When is it going to be my turn? Where did all my friends go? Why does nobody invite me anywhere? Why am I never going on these cool girl trips? Why does everybody else seem to have such amazing friends from high school and college and 55 bridesmaids and their weddings and raising their kids together? I mean, this went on for years. Why? Because I was staring at other people's gardens. And then using that to keep myself from doing anything. And for me, that big idea, that Grammy moment, if you will, was a life that was filled with friendship. That's what I wanted. That vision was so beautiful. I wanted it to bloom so desperately into its fullest expression. And yet it just remained a seed. And here's the epiphany. It's not until I was brutally honest with myself. Mel Robbins, sitting here behind this desk, scrolling through social media, it is not going to get you the friendships you want. All this freaking jealousy that you have, looking at what everybody else has sowed in their life, looking at the fruits that it bared, it is not going to get you what you want. Woman, what are you going to do about it? See, this is where you have to really think about the environment of your mindset. You want this aspect of your life to go prove it. If I want this supplement company to happen, I got to prove it. If I want to have incredible friendships bloom in my life, I got to prove it. I cannot be the human version of a tulip in a tub of concrete and then complain, why am I not growing? Why is it? You want to know where grass grows? Grass grows where you water it. So if this is you in any area of your life where the grass is dead, no, it's dirt. It is downright dirt. And you're sick of looking at other people's beautiful lawns. Shut your mouth. Get off social media. Don't tell me what you want or what you can't do. You want a green, beautiful, lush lawn? Then you better sow the seeds and then you better take care of it. Not once, but every day. You got to water that new lawn every single day. Well, my neighbor's lawn is really green and, you know, their dad put it in for them. And so they got, who gives a shit? Is that going to help your lawn grow? No. you got to get serious about what you want and then you have to plant yourself and by planting yourself i mean you get to work stop talking and start doing and so i'm going to hit the pause you can hear a few short words for our amazing sponsors but don't you dare go anywhere because we have so much more that we want to dig into and you are not going to want to miss this so stay with us.

**Mel Robbins:** Welcome back. It's your friend Mel, and we are talking about how you achieve your biggest ambition. And we've been unpacking something that Victoria Monet said when she won the Grammy for the Best New Artist and winning a Grammy. That is achieving a huge ambition, and you are going to achieve your huge ambitions. So now I want to talk to those of you who have started. You have ripped open that seed packet. You have seeded the lawn. You've been out there standing with the hose, watering everything. You got yourself out of the cement and you put yourself into a beautiful pot. I'm talking to those of you, for example, who've been writing songs for other artists like Victoria Monet. She was doing that not so long ago. I'm talking to those of you who are halfway through 75 hard, or you're on your third draft of your manuscript, or maybe you're in your first week of marathon training, or your fifth month of interviewing for a new job, and you have started, and I want to tell you, amazing. Amazing job. Congratulations. Getting started is the hardest part. Do you know how huge this is that you're doing it? That is incredible. And every single day that passes by those little roots, they are spreading underground. Even though you may not see anything happening, they are spreading. Every day when you wake up and you take a step forward, you're learning something. You're getting a little stronger. You're gaining skills. You're starting to get a little bit confident. It's really working, even though you're sitting there going, why don't I have a job yet? When am I going to start making real money? Why does this look easy for everybody else? When's it going to be my turn to be the one on stage to win the award, to make amazing money? When am I going to be the one to sprout? Great question. Great question. if that's you ask yourself are you in a place right now where you are going to continue to grow like if you're complaining about the dirt then do something about it but you got to ask yourself for real are you actually getting the nourishment that you need are you getting the support from yourself and the people around you if not it is time to pick up your roots and move yourself from that little pot where you become root bound and plant yourself somewhere else, somewhere where you have a little bit more room to grow, a little bit more positivity and sunshine, where the soil is maybe a little richer, a little more nourishing. Maybe it's full of other plants that are kind of like you. It's time for a new environment. It's time to raise the game, to try new things, to be around more people, it is time to level up. It is time to pick yourself up and actually put yourself in a different place to grow. So here's the example. For the past five years, my husband, Christopher, he has really been wanting to write a book. And if you're new to the podcast, my husband, Chris, leads men's retreats. He is a death doula. He is about to finish his master's in transpersonal psychology. This is a human being on a mission to make a difference, helping other men create more meaningful lives And for the last five years Christopher Robbins has had a Grammy moment He has had this vision in his mind He has had the seed of an idea, and here it is. He really wants to write a book. And I gotta acknowledge him because he didn't leave that seed of an idea in a packet on some display shelf. He planted it. Here's what he's been doing. For five years, the man has been silently, quietly writing. Every day when he wakes up for the past five years, he has written in a journal. And he says, you know, Mel, I must have written over 400,000 words by hand in my journals these past five years. 400,000 words. Not another human being has read it. This is something he's been doing day in and day out. So let me ask you, are the roots growing? Absolutely. Stronger every day. Is he becoming a better writer? Absolutely. And you want to know how he feels? He feels the same way that Victoria Monet felt, unseen. He's questioning. He's wondering if this is leading anywhere. And I can recall at least a dozen times in the past year alone where he's turned to me and said, you know, I just don't feel like I have anything to say. I mean, absolutely everything that I would actually want to write a book about. I mean, somebody's already published a book on that topic. Somebody has already researched it. I mean, what more do I have to say that's any different than what somebody else has already had to say? And I'm sure Victoria Monet felt the same during those 15 years, just like I'm sure you've probably felt more times than you can remember. Well, about a year ago, it was very clear that Chris had stopped growing. This daily practice of writing in his journal, I mean, it certainly grown a very, very large system of roots. It had created this foundation. He clearly is a writer, but he needs a bigger pot. He needs more nourishment. He needs to improve the soil that he's in. He needs to change the environment so that he can continue to grow. So what did he do? He hired a writing coach. And, you know, when he told me, I'm like, what's a writing coach? He said, it is somebody that I talk to once a month that makes sure I write this book. They help me with the