How to Figure Out What You Really Want: Use This Life-Changing Hack

Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Over the years, one thing that's really struck me is how hard it can be to simply know what you want. I mean, let me ask you right now, do you really know what you want? For real? For real? And if you do think you know what you want, are you sure? What if I told you that answering this one question, "What do I want?" determines where your life is going to go. This month, this year, over the next decade, heck, even the rest of your life. And if you don't know what you want, you have no direction, and life is going to keep moving forward, and time is going to keep passing you by. Don't you want to start moving toward what you actually want? Of course you do. And that's why today's episode is something really special. It's going to open your eyes. It's going to surprise you. And I've designed it to help you figure out exactly what you want right now.

Mel Robbins: So if you're struggling to make a decision, or you're just feeling kind of stuck in a rut, or you've got big plans but you're looking for confirmation that you're moving in the right direction, I created this episode for you. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I'm so glad that you're here with me today so that we can spend some time together. It is always such an honor to spend time with you. And I just want to acknowledge you for choosing to listen to something that could help you create a better life. And if you're a new listener, welcome. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm so glad that you're here. And I'm particularly glad that you're listening right now today to this episode. And if somebody shared this with you, and that's why you tuned in, the next time you see them, could you tell them thank you for me? Because they must really care about you. If they say you this episode, wow, it means that they want to help you get what you want in life. Isn't that cool?

Mel Robbins: This episode, by the way, it's a little bit different from the normal amazing episodes that are here on the Mel Robbins podcast, because what you're listening to today, I have designed specifically as a workshop to help you gain the clarity and the courage and the conviction to answer one of the most important questions in life: "What do you really want?" And before we jump into it, let me just explain a little bit about the episode today because it's one of these really special episodes that I do every once in a while that I design and create and I think about it more like a free workshop. It's just a way for me to do a little more, go the extra distance. And I want to do that for you because you have made the Mel Robbins podcast one of the most popular listen to and watch podcasts in the entire world. I just learned this morning that we're about to surpass 150 million downloads of this show from those of you that are listening and from our subscribers on YouTube. So as a thank you, I do these workshops several times a year. In fact, I did one in January on the science of setting goals that almost a million of you have already taken. I'm going to do another one on the science of goals this coming January. So you can look forward to that one too. In April, you and I did one about moving from thought to action, how you make things happen. And almost a million of you have completed that workshop. And so I am so excited to be back and share this workshop with you as well.

Mel Robbins: And this one, this one is extremely important because it's going to cover a topic that a lot of people miss, which is how do you answer the question, "What do I want?" And this is so important because I personally think that the reason why so many people feel stuck or unsatisfied or even a little lost in their life is because if you don't know what you want, you're never going to get it because you don't even know what direction you should head in. And the other reason why this matters is because if you can't answer the question, "What do I want?" you don't know what you value or what you prioritize, which means people who do know what they want, they're always gonna come before you. So getting clear about what you want is the very first step to everything, really. And this is a hard question to answer because people can give you advice on how to make something happen, on the steps to take, but no one can answer this question for you. You have to answer this question for yourself. And so I've designed this episode as a workshop to help you get laser focused on what you truly want at this exact moment in your life.

Mel Robbins: And before we jump in, I just wanna set this workshop up and tell you what you can expect. Like all of the workshops that I've done on the Mel Robbins podcast, this episode has a free companion workbook. And you can download it at the URL melrobbins.com slash what? W-H-A-T. That URL, again, is melrobbins.com slash what? And when you go to melrobbins.com slash what, you're going to find a link and you can download the workbook. You can also find that link in the description as well. And you can also find it in the show notes. And if you're driving right now or you're taking me on a walk with you, you do not need to hit stop and then download and come back. No, no, no, no, no. Just listen to me as you continue to drive or as you finish your workout or as you're going on your walk and think about the answers because I'm gonna guide you through a series of questions that will help you get to the truth about what you want in your life right now. And so I will also remind you of that URL, melrobins.com slash what, toward the end of the episode for those of you who are gonna listen while you drive and walk so you can come back and get the workbook later.

Mel Robbins: My mission today is to guide you through a proven series of questions and exercises that will help you gain the clarity that you need to answer this really important question: "What do I want?" Because once you know what you want, it's super easy to organize your spare time and your energy and your focus and take the steps to help you start moving toward it. And before we jump in and I guide you through the process, I want to remind you, share this with absolutely everyone that you care about. Whether it's someone in your life who's in college and needs to pick a major, or maybe someone in your life has a really big decision to make, or maybe there's somebody who you just simply see a bigger future for themselves than they see for themselves right now. You know, I personally believe that we are all capable of achieving remarkable things, but you don't achieve them unless you know what you want. And the first step is getting clear.

Mel Robbins: In fact, I'm in the middle of a lot of big decisions in my business right now, and I've been using the exact same process and framework that I'm about to walk you through to get very clear about what I want in my business next. What you're going to learn applies to every kind of decision that you could make, whether it's a decision about your kids, a relationship, your business, your health, your goals. And so I want you to think about this episode as a resource that you can come back to over and over and over again, wherever you are in your life, whatever decision you need to make. I mean, maybe you started college and you're in a different place now than you were a year ago and you're thinking about changing your major. Maybe there's something going on in your relationship. When you fell in love, you were a different person. You had different priorities. And now you're kind of confused and you're trying to decide, what do I really want? It's not only normal to change your mind and your desires and your goals, it's unavoidable, and clarity—this clarity that I am going to teach you today—this is a skill, and so is the courage of having conviction about getting honest with yourself about what you truly want and what you value at this exact moment in your life, and you can learn how to do this, and you're going to learn today. And the reason why this is important, I'm going to say this one more time: only you can answer this question for yourself. Not your significant other, not your kids, not your parents, not your friends, you. And if there's someone in your life that you really want to empower, then send them this and give them the framework to help them answer the question and find the direction that they need. Because if you can hear my voice or you can watch me right now on YouTube, you will benefit from this workshop.

Mel Robbins: So here's how this is gonna work. You're gonna download your workbook when you get a chance at melrobbins.com slash what? W-H-A-T. And the workbook is important because it's a way for you to take the framework I'm about to walk you through and dive even deeper and get more clarity about what you want right now. And to help you figure out the direction you need to go or the decision that you need to make or even solidify something that you want to do, but boom, you just needed that like, yeah, I'm on the right track. You know, because when I started this podcast just over 18 months ago, I just wanted to get the thing started. Like I'm very clear, like Mel Robbins, you need to get this thing launched. In fact, if you've ever read my New York Times bestselling book, "The High Five Habit," there is an entire chapter in that book about the fact that I was dreaming about launching a podcast. Now, that book was published in 2021, and I used the same framework that I'm about to walk you through to get very clear that what I wanted was to launch a podcast. I was so sick and tired of thinking about it that I finally was at the point that I want this. I need to do it. And walking through the framework, I'm going to walk you through in just a second, gave me the direction that I needed in 2021. And then I spent the next two years just studying what other people were doing and creating a game plan to execute against. And finally, 18 months ago, I started the dang thing. And so answering the question, "What do I want?" It was easy a couple of years ago: I want to start a podcast. Boom. Direction. Go. Without answering that question, I wouldn't have a podcast right now. I would have been consumed by a bazillion other things. I would have been busy moving in the wrong direction. And that's true about life, isn't it? There's a lot of people moving fast, but they're not going anywhere because they don't know where they want to go. And when I ask myself, "What do I want?" And I think about the podcast, my goal and my sense of direction and where I want to head next, it's not just to do it. I see something so much bigger now that I have clarity about what I want. And now that the podcast is out into the world and I hear from you on like a daily basis and the impact it's making, holy cow, what I want is on just a totally different level. And this is one of the reasons why you see me do these workshops for free, because I want to go bigger.

Mel Robbins: And here's another example of how this question and figuring out what you want changes over time and why you need to keep coming back to the process I'm about to teach you. And what I wanted when our three kids were in high school and middle school, very different from what I want now that my husband, Chris, and I are about to be empty nesters. And it's only with the clarity of knowing what you want, why you want it. It's only with that clarity that you have direction in life. I mean, if you don't know what you want, you're merely a passenger and the winds of chance are just steering you in whatever direction. You're like a sailboat without a rudder. I want you to take the wheel and get clear about what direction you're going to head in next. And in order to kick us off, I just want to share a story with you about what a profound process this framework is. So at the end of last year, our team went on a team retreat and we went to this absolutely amazing retreat center. And when we, you know, designed this offsite, there were just a couple of rules. First of all, absolutely no work, no talk about work, no phones, no laptops, no doing work. It was just three days for our team to be together, to unwind, to do yoga, to go in the sauna, to get a massage, to connect with your colleagues. It was absolutely extraordinary because we had been busting our rear ends on this podcast for over a year. We all lived in our bathrobes the entire time. It was so great. It wasn't even an HR violation to be with your colleagues in bathrobes at dinner. And it was the first time that we had ever done anything like this here at 143 Studios as a team. And after working on this podcast for a year and creating 104 episodes in one year, we needed it. Holy cow. And it was fantastic. And so this retreat center not only had like a spa and exercise classes and meditation stuff, but it had all these kinds of courses and sessions that you could do on all these different topics. And so my business partner, who also happens to be my sister-in-law, Christine. She is the chief financial officer and the chief operations officer of the company. And so Christine, who I've known for more than two decades, is almost like the opposite brain of me. This woman is a numbers gal. She has spreadsheets. She is very analytical and smart. She is super black and white. She is not into the touchy-feely stuff at all. And so she signs up to do this class that truly changed her life. And Christine, you've agreed to come on reluctantly and talk about it. Tell me, what was the class?

Christine: The class was manifesting. Manifesting. And so I'm thinking this is a nice, like, this will be something I can sit in the back of the room, just kind of listen to. I've already done, like, cardio drumming and some, like, nutritional cooking class. So this is going to be like a listen and learn. And the classes were endless. I mean, you could take a cooking class. You could take a yoga class. You could learn how to throw pottery. You could do horse therapy. I mean, it was just endless. And so you walk in and what happens? It's me and the instructor. Just you and the instructor? Just me and the instructor. And once you walk in, you can't walk out. You can't walk out. Like I've walked in and she's excited to see somebody's shown up. And you're really going to hate the fact, Christine, that I want to hit the pause real quick in the story right now and let's hear a word from our amazing sponsors who helped me bring you incredible workshops like this at zero cost. And while you're listening to our amazing sponsors, take a minute and share this episode with somebody that you deeply care about. It's a way that you can make a difference in their life and don't go anywhere because Christine did not walk out of that room. In fact, what was about to happen is gonna blow your mind. Stay with us.

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Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend Mel, and today I am so excited to be here with you because I have created this workshop that is going to help you get clear and use a framework that I use all the time to answer the question, "What do you really want?" And we were just about to hear this story from my sister-in-law, Christine, where she walked into a retreat at a work event. So Christine, what happened next?

Christine: So I'm sitting there and she hands me kind of a worksheet, and we're waiting to see if somebody else is going to show up. And luckily, one other person walked in. Okay. And so then she's like, well, you know, normally this is a presentation, but since it's such a small group, let's do some just kind of personal work. Let's talk about what you're here to talk about. You were probably like, yeah, I'm basically like, "I want to die." I'm like, I have no clear purpose that I've shown up for that I'm trying to realize. I'm just like looking for something to do. Okay. So it's you and one other person. One other guy. And now we're going to do deep work. Now we're going to do deep work. And so how does it start? So basically, we're both sitting there and the guy's like, okay, I'll go first. And so she's like, okay, what are you thinking about? And he was trying to sell a rental property he had. So like, whatever. And the whole time I'm thinking, oh my God, what are you going to talk about? What are you going to talk about? Like I'm barely like, okay, he's still talking. I'm still thinking. Like I was just trying to like come up with something. And so then she's like, okay, how about you? Like what do you want? Like what do you want? Like what's something you're trying to attract? And so I just kind of put out there like, I'd love to have a place on the lake to get away with my family. Okay. And I'm thinking like vision board, like 20 something, like my vision board of all these things that I wanted to have accomplished. And so not putting a whole lot into it, but just thinking like that. And she's like, okay, why? And I'm like, well, I think it would be you know, it'd be fun for something my family and I can enjoy. And why? I'm like, well, my kids are in high school. They're gone a lot. They're busy with sports and friends, and I don't see them as much as I used to. And she's like, well, why do you think a lake house will change that? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together. And then she's like, well, why? Do you need a lake house for that to happen? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together. And then she's like, well, why? Do you need a lake house for that to happen? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together. And then she's like, well, why? Do you need a lake house for that to happen? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together. And then she's like, well, why? Do you need a lake house for that to happen? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together. And then she's like, well, why? Do you need a lake house for that to happen? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together. And then she's like, well, why? Do you need a lake house for that to happen? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together. 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