--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Today, we are talking about something that I consider to be my superpower, and that is using manifesting and neuroscience to rewire your mind. Yep, you heard me right. We are talking manifesting.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And look, you need to know how to do this, because based on all the questions I'm getting at melrobins.com and the DMs that you're submitting, it's pretty clear that there's a lot of confusion out there. And I don't want you to feel made wrong about that. For a long time, I did not have a clue what manifesting was. And the reason is simple. There is so much snake oil out there. There are so many people popping off TikTok videos that don't have a freaking clue what they're talking about when it comes to mindset and manifesting.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The truth is, it is something that is backed by science. It is something that you need to know how to use. And it is something that you should be using every single day in your life to help you get what you want. And I am passionate about this topic, not only because people make the same mistakes over and over and because there's so many myths out there about this stuff, but because it actually works.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so we're going to get to the bottom of this today. I'm going to tee up the mistakes. I'm going to blow the myths out of the water. And more importantly, class is in session because I'm going to walk through the science and the four simple steps that you need to be using in your life now to make more money, to be happier, to achieve results.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And here's a crazy thought. Do you realize right now you're busy wiring your mind? You're busy wiring your mind by manifesting the wrong way. You see, right now, your fears, your self-doubt, your lack of self-worth, all that crap is how you manifest. I'm going to prove it to you because I've got your DMs, I got your questions, and I'm going to be using your questions to teach you the four simple steps to do this correctly so you, my friend, can get what you want. All right, let's get into it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The first question is from Megan.
--:-- Megan: My name is Megan and I'm from Tampa, Florida. Long story short, I've always wanted to move out of my hometown. And ever since I graduated college, I've tried to find an excuse. I'm in my third job in my career. Love it. But I'm just like, I'd never pursued that moving out of my hometown. And there's always been this itch. I'm 32. I'm single. I have no kids. And I'm like, my lease is about to end. So I'm like, isn't now the time. But all those fears just keep popping in, which are a lot of limiting beliefs that I have.
--:-- Megan: So my parents always kind of told me, you need money to move. If you don't have a bunch of money saved, then you shouldn't be going anywhere. They never moved out of Tampa. So they were like, your family's here. Why would you want to leave your family? And kind of guilt tripped me a little bit. I basically just don't know what to do. And I feel stuck, but I feel like I need to do it. But I don't have a reason to other than I want to.
--:-- Megan: How do I get past feeling stuck and too afraid? And I feel like I'm just always looking for excuses of why I shouldn't. My biggest fear is just getting there and then being like, why did I do this? I'm alone. I have no family or friends here. Who knows when my family or friends are going to visit me, even if they will. Is this going to cost me a lot of money? And now I put myself in like a bad financial situation. What if I lose my job and I'm in a new city? What if I hate it? So Mel, how do I get started? What is the first step I should take? And what is the right way of going about doing this?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh my God. First of all, can we just agree? We love Megan. Don't you just love how honest she is? How she's just laying it all out there. And you know what else I love about her? She is every single one of us. Because once you lock on to something that you quote, have an itch, and by the way, that's the only reason you need. If you want to do something, if you have a desire to do it, if you have that itch, that pull, that's your reason. You don't need any other justification other than you get to want things. You get to try things.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so I just love her because in sharing so much about how she's struggling internally, and you can hear that, can't you? You can hear how much she wants to do this. And yet, there is that conflict inside of her. And so I want to unpack this layer by layer for you, because it's very easy for me on the outside to put my hands on my hip and to look at Megan with a big smile and say, honey, get your ass out of Tampa and move. What if it all works out? Stop worrying about it. And by the way, Tampa's waiting for you in case you hate it. So you can reverse the decision, but you got to start taking some risks.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Like I could tell her this all day long, but what really moves the needle in your life is when you can coach yourself, when you can shut down the conversation inside your own mind. Because the only thing that is holding Megan back from pursuing something she's been thinking about for years is the conversation she's having with herself. And so how do you shut down the conversation? The answer, believe it or not, is manifesting.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What? Mel? Hold on a second. Mel Robbins, did you just say all I have to do is manifest? If I think about moving, magically, it'll happen? No, that's not what I said. You see, you don't understand what manifesting is. Nobody does. I didn't for decades. Manifesting is not just imagining something or wishing or wanting something to happen. That's what Megan's been doing. She's been thinking about it. She's been wishing it would happen. She's been wanting it to happen. Has that made her move? No. That's not manifesting, everybody.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Manifesting is intentionally training your brain and your nervous system to believe in something that hasn't happened yet. That's what manifesting is. Manifesting is a power tool. It's backed by neuroscience. It is backed by years of research. And when used properly, it helps you achieve your goals because it helps you prepare to do the work. I use science-backed manifesting tools every single day to shut down the negative conversations in my life and to live a big life and to take big risks. And dude, Olympic athletes use manifesting. But I'm telling you right now, the way you shut down your internal conversation that is holding you back is manifesting.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so I want to turn the spotlight on you for a second, because I'm going to continue talking about Megan. And I'm going to learn a lot about manifesting and how to use science to rewire your mind. But what is something that you feel the itch to do, that you've been thinking about, that you're the one shutting down? Here's a way that you could really get honest with yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let's just say that Mel Robbins was going to take a sabbatical from hosting the Mel Robbins podcast. Let's say I was going to move into your house and you and I were going to be surgically joined at the hip for a year and you were going to have to deal with me being by your side and in your ear day by day. I'd be there as you woke up. I'd be there as you go to sleep. I can sense that itch because I'm connected to your hip. What is it? Knowing that I would be in your life, annoying as hell, pushing you through your fears, what would you take on that you're not taking on right now? What dream would you pursue?
--:-- Mel Robbins: If I'm your big O-line, your offensive lineman in football, I'm the one that's going to block and tackle for you. I'm the one that's going to clear the path. I'll handle your fricking parents. I'm going to find the apartment. I'll push you out of your comfort zone. We got this because I'm going to be by your side. What is that thing, that itch, that dream? Because I want you to be selfish as you listen to this. And so hold on to that as I describe how manifesting is one of the first things you have to learn how to do to get started on making this a reality.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So what is manifesting? Manifesting is mentally training for what you want. That's all that it is. It is part of the toolkit that successful people around the world use. Let me tell you what manifesting is not. Manifesting is not thinking thoughts and then hoping they come through. That is what people do on their seventh birthday, and they blow out the candles. That is not what we are doing here.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Manifesting is based in neuroscience. It is a tool that you are going to use precisely, intentionally, systematically, with purpose because you use manifesting to rewire your mind and your body and your spirit to help you do the work to achieve your dreams. When you use manifesting properly, you are removing the mental obstacles of self-doubt, resistance, fear, perfectionism, feeling overwhelmed, other people's expectations, all that stuff that is holding you in place right now, that makes you spin in circles. Manifesting clears that shit out and it programs, using science, a completely different way of thinking and feeling about the things that you want to create in your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And when you manifest properly, it's almost like the pregame training that you do before the big game. It prepares you to take action. It boosts your confidence. It gets you ready to do that thing. I just want you for this moment, I want you to embrace the definition that this is not wishing. This is not the law of attraction. This is based in science and neuroscience. This is about reprogramming your mind instead of letting your fears run your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I know what you're thinking. Okay, Mel, what the hell does that mean? Don't you worry. We're going to go step by step through this and I'm going to keep on teeing up the mistakes that you're making because everybody makes the same mistakes. I made the same mistakes too. And I'm going to show you the four things you need to do instead so you can leverage the science to create the life that you want.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So step one of manifesting properly according to research and science: first, you have to tell the truth. You have to declare what you want, period. This does not work if you're lying to yourself. This does not work if you're fuzzy about what you want. And so Megan already did step one. She said, I want to move. She even told us that she'd been wanting to do this for a while. And the only thing that's been holding her back is all that negative programming in her mind.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now let me turn to you. What is it that you want? And don't be scared to say it out loud. Don't worry, I'm not moving in with you. But you have to be honest because manifesting is the act of training your brain intentionally. So tell the truth. If it's an itch, if it's a longing, claim it. You can't half-ass this. Otherwise, you're going to be spinning ideas for 25 years. Just listen to Rochelle.
--:-- Rochelle: My name is Rochelle. I am from Ontario, Canada, a small town north of Toronto. So for 25 years, I've had a head full of ideas. I've had half-assed projects and lots of plans. I chose always wishing over doing. Many of my blocks were due to fear. Many just basic survival. The idea of goal setting, it really fires me up. The idea of remembering to revisit those goals, that freaks me out. I just think of all the things that I should have done and want to do still that I, again, I've thought about over the last 25 years. What do you have a vision board for? That seems like, what are you, a child?
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love you guys so much. What do you have a vision board for? What are you, a child? Rochelle, okay. So first of all, we love Rochelle. We love everybody. And what I love about her is she's admitting to you that she's been thinking about things that she's wanted for 25 years. And she's never getting past the thinking part. Why? Well, because again, the overwhelm, the self-doubt, all of the disorganization, it's stopping her. That's where manifesting comes in.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And she asked the question, vision boards, what the hell am I, a child? Let me tell you why vision boards can be important with one huge caveat based on science. Vision boards are important because when you take the time to create a vision board, which is basically bringing your dream or your goal to life by creating a collage of images, what you're doing is you are grabbing that dream or that goal that typically we bounce around in the back of our minds in private, and you're pulling it out of your mind and you are grounding it in reality.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And one of the reasons why this can be so powerful is because it signals to your brain that this is really important to you. We've talked in previous episodes about the Zygarnik effect. It creates this kind of to-do list in your mind. The other reason why it's important is because when you put a vision board in a place where you can see it, it keeps these goals and dreams front and center, which is really important.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But here's the problem. Everybody puts the wrong shit on their vision boards. You've been sold a bill of goods. You have been told that if you simply create a collage of some beach house or your dream body or a million dollars in the bank or a Maserati that suddenly the universe is going to hand you those things. That's not how that works. What research shows is exactly what Rochelle is talking about. If all you ever do is think about the big thing, you think about the end goal, the beach house, the Maserati, the thing that's like 10 years from now, and then you create this beautiful collage of this amazing thing that you want and you sit there, that's a huge mistake.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And see, everybody makes this mistake. If you look at anybody's vision board, you know what's on it? It's beach houses and a million dollars and a Maserati and the finishing line at the New York City Marathon and all the things that you hope and dream for. And the reason why that's a huge mistake is that if the only thing that is on your vision board is the thing that's going to take you 10 years to get done, as you sit here in your studio apartment or in the spare bedroom of your parents' house at a desk in the corner and you stare at a $10 million beach house, oh my God, that is going to feel so far away. It's going to feel like you might as well move to Mars for crying out loud.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Instead of that vision board keeping your dreams front and center, that vision board is rubbing them in your face. It's not motivating at all. Why? Because you start to become present day in and day out to how far away you are from that dream of yours. And that starts to make you feel less motivated. It doesn't surprise me at all that Rochelle has been thinking about all kinds of things for 25 years, and yet she can't get started. And the reason why is because she is making the mistake of visualizing the end.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Manifesting is not just hoping and wishing, remember, for that beach house? Manifesting is training your mind, body, and spirit to do the work to make that beach house a reality. And that brings me to step two of manifesting, according to neuroscience. And we'll get into that when we come back.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, step two of manifesting according to neuroscience is visualize the steps along the way. This is research from UCLA. In order to make manifesting work for you according to science, don't visualize the end. Visualize the steps and the actions that you're going to take to get there. So what does that mean? That means all that hard and annoying and tedious stuff that you got to do that you don't feel like doing in order to make that thing a reality, that's what you're going to put on the vision board.
--:-- Mel Robbins: According to the research from UCLA, brain scans show that when you visualize yourself performing an action, you stimulate the same brain region that you're using when you actually perform that action. So manifesting properly, according to science, means you are socializing your mind to take action. Now, what does socializing your mind mean? Because that's the language they used in the study. It means you're training your mind to take the action. By sitting there and mentally rehearsing this, you're stimulating the part of the brain that actually is going to take the action.
--:-- Mel Robbins: This taps into something called procedural memory, and it helps you lock in the actions you need to take as a new habit. See, procedural memory is part of your long-term memory. Your procedural memory has all the information that you need in order to perform things like brushing your teeth or walking and talking. And when those things get rehearsed over and over and over again, guess what they become? They become encoded, they become automatic. The more you think about the steps you need to take and you start to visualize them, the stronger the connections become.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And this isn't just like common sense. What happens when you visualize this way is that connections are being made between gaps and neurons. They're passing signals back and forth. And so before you even take the actions, you are now socializing your brain to get ready to do it. You're preparing. It's super cool.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So let me give an example. Let's say that step one, I want to train for and I want to complete the New York City Marathon. That is a bucket list item for me. And in fact, that was a bucket list item for me. And it's something that I've done. And you should do it too. It's amazing. But to achieve it, please do not spend any time visualizing crossing the finish line. Please do not spend any time thinking about the roaring applause of the crowd as your name gets announced. Instead, what are you going to do? You're going to use science because you're smart.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You're going to visualize yourself lacing up your running shoes when it's 10 degrees outside. You're going to close your eyes and you're going to picture what it feels like to be out there on a training run alone. How about this moment? It's 5 a.m. Your alarm goes off. You're exhausted. You look out the window and you see it's pouring rain and it's a Saturday and you said you'd do a training run. And I want you to see yourself dragging yourself out of bed, pulling on your jacket, even though you don't feel like it, and walking out that door. And I want you to feel yourself starting to run in the rain. And it's 5:10 in the morning. That's how you manifest. Because that's what you're going to have to do in order to achieve your goal.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And more importantly, five months from now, when you've registered for that race and that alarm goes off at 5 a.m. and you roll over in real life and you look out the window and it's pouring, you will have rehearsed this moment. So your brain and your nervous system and your body is going to be ready for it. You're going to roll out of bed because you've already been in this moment. You already have seen yourself there. You've already felt the resistance. You not only know exactly how this goes, you've rehearsed it in your mind and you've now rewired your brain to be ready for it. That's why you can't half-ass this. You got to be dead serious about visualizing the steps you need to take.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so now that you got step one, which is tell the truth about what you want, get very clear about it. Step two is stop focusing on the end and start focusing on the irritating crap you're going to have to do day in, day out to march toward it. Now we're going to go from the kindergarten manifesting according to neuroscience to Olympic level manifesting. Are you ready? I'm ready. Because step three to properly manifest according to science, you got to feel that stuff in your body. I mean, really feel it. You got to feel what it's like to work for that dream.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now, this isn't just Mel Robbins, and this is not even neuroscientists anymore. We're now bringing in the Olympic athletes and all of their team of psychologists because they take manifesting to an even deeper level. When you're on the Olympic team, you call this imagery because it goes way beyond sort of the visualization. An Olympic aerial skier said, you have to smell it, you have to hear it, you have to feel it, you have to feel everything.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so that means as you are closing your eyes and as you are visualizing yourself doing the work, and for an Olympic skier, that means before you even get on that slope, you are imagining every twist, every turn, every bump, every jump. You are going over and over and over and over again, every twist and every turn. Because remember, according to the research at UCLA, your brain doesn't know the difference between something that happened to you for real and the things that you imagine happening to you. So you're warming yourself up to exactly what you'll feel as you're taking action.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There's a huge article about this in the New York Times, and in it, Bobsledder Lyndon Rush, who's an Olympic medalist, said, "I've tried to keep the track in my mind throughout the year," he said. "I'll be in the shower brushing my teeth. It just takes a minute. So I do the whole track or sometimes just the corners that are more technical. You try to keep it fresh in your head so when you do get there, you're not just starting at square one. And it's amazing how much you can do in your own mind."
--:-- Mel Robbins: And in fact, one of the things that psychologists use this for with our Olympic team is helping athletes deal with the anxiety and resistance that comes up when they're about to go back into racing after an injury. And so this sort of imagery, this deep manifesting where you feel it, so what does that mean? You got to smell the air. You got to feel the wind. You got to really put yourself at the scene.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, when I was a young trial lawyer, I used to work for the Legal Aid Society as a criminal defense attorney. And when I was being trained to do trial work, they used to say, when you're talking to a jury, you have to put people at the scene. You've got to describe something in a way that they could almost see, taste, or smell it. And that's what you need to do. And so here's what I want to do. I want to do this with you right now. And so we're going to use our friend Megan. Remember, she's the one that wants to move from Tampa.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I want to play a part of her clip where she talks about her fears. And as you're listening to our friend Megan, I want you to see what sensations come up in your body as you are listening to her describe all the resistance and fears that she has about this thing that she wants to do.
--:-- Megan: My biggest fear is just getting there and then being like, why did I do this? I'm alone. I have no family or friends here. Who knows when my family or friends are going to visit me, even if they will. Is this going to cost me a lot of money? And now I put myself in like a bad financial situation. What if I lose my job and I'm in a new city? What if I hate it?
--:-- Mel Robbins: You want to know what Megan's doing? She's manifesting. She is letting her fears rehearse the worst case scenario. She has trained her brain and her nervous system to be terrified of this move. She has a visualization that it's not going to work, that her parents are going to be mad, that it's a huge mistake, that she's going to lose her job. No wonder she's not doing it. She's using manifesting in the exact opposite way. She is systematically, through her excuses and her fears and her parents' stuff, she is training her own mind to work against her.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm afraid of this, I'm afraid of that, it's going to be like this, it's going to be like that. You could feel it, couldn't you, when she said, "What if I get there and I'm alone? What if I get there and it's the worst decision?" I bet you felt your chest seize a little bit when she said, "What if I regret it?" I bet you felt yourself shrink a little bit. See, her excuses have trained her mind and body to resist taking the action. You do the same thing. Every time you look at the thing that you want, that itch that you have, the dream that you have, the goal that you have, and you're like, "But this, but that, but what about the other person?" You're visualizing all the negative. And this is why you're stopped.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so instead of mentally rehearsing your deepest fears, let's just flip this. Try visualizing it being great. I mean, instead of going, "What if it doesn't work?" What if it all works out? What if this is the best decision I've ever made in my entire life? Visualize saying goodbye to your parents and packing the U-Haul. Visualize yourself alone in the apartment. Go to that really scary moment where you're there alone and you feel yourself getting anxious. But then visualize yourself putting your shoes on, leaving the house, going to that event you signed up for, even though you didn't feel like it, and bumping into somebody and making a new friend.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Visualize your mom calling and saying, "I miss you. I wish you had it." And as you look out at the mountains or the oceans or this whole new city that you live in, feel the pride inside yourself that you took the risk and that you're going to see her next month when you go home. Visualize and feel how this distance and you growing up has made your relationship stronger. Visualize that moment where you lose your job and going, "But that's okay, I didn't like that job anyway, and I've met so many people here that now I'm networking and I've just landed something new." Visualize yourself winning.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So I think you're getting this. I know you're getting this. Let me just recap because you know nobody gets left behind on the Mel Robbins podcast. Step one, tell the truth. What do you actually want? Step two, you're going to use neuroscience, which means you're going to visualize and feel in your body all the little things you have to do, the annoying, the irritating. I want you to see it, to smell it. I want you to see yourself falling down or being scared and then picking yourself back up and feel the pride. Push through the resistance. There you are doing it. Rehearse it in your mind over and over and over.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And what you're really doing is you are decoding all the resistance that your fears put in. And you are encoding and rewiring a whole new track, a tape in your mind that shows you doing the work and making it happen. And this is what Olympic athletes do. This is what Mel Robbins does. This is what successful people in business do. And this is what you're going to be doing now. And once you start with this visualization, something interesting starts to happen. When we come back, I'm going to share what happens and more importantly, what you can do about it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So now I want to teach you something else because I think what's going to happen is that you're going to get all excited and you're going to identify and tell the truth about what you want. And you're going to sit down and you're going to go to start visualizing the steps. And then something interesting is going to happen because this is what happened to Mara and it's extremely common. So listen to this question.
--:-- Mara: Hey, Mel, my name's Mara. I'm from Chicago, Illinois. I have a question for you. I was just curious, how does one tackle overcoming imposter syndrome while manifesting? How can I take the steps to work on a business that I'm passionate about, interior design, with absolutely no experience other than my own home and planning my own parties and gifting during the seasons and birthdays? When I see these types of businesses online, they really, really inspire me to create. But the thought of me doing it myself is so scary.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, I love this question. This is so juicy and great. And I just am so happy, Mara, that you asked this. So first of all, let's just stop saying imposter syndrome. Okay, everybody? Because when you're new to something, you're a student. That's it. You're a beginner. That's it. You're not an imposter. You're not faking anything. You're actually figuring it out. It's part of the process. And so stop saying you have imposter syndrome because all you do is you have a dream and you're going to begin to chip away at it. That's what we're doing here. So that's number one.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Number two, this is really common. And the reason why it's really common is because your fear is so big and your self-doubt is so big and you've never done this thing before. And you can tell based on the fact that Mara was kind of laughing. She's like, "Oh my God, I kind of love this thing." And so she's diminishing how big of a dream this is. And a lot of us do that. We kind of make a little bit of a joke or downplay it a little bit, or we're nervous about it. We kind of don't even admit it. So first of all, I'm proud of you for admitting it, Mara. That's step one, you told the truth.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Step two, the things you need to do, you can figure out because you're a student, you're a beginner, you love this, you're smart, and there's Google and there's YouTube. And that's going to give you the steps. And those are the things that you need to visualize. So when you sit down and you start to visualize and mentally rehearse, remember, you're an Olympic athlete, you're a winner. We're using neuroscience here. We're going to decode all those fears and all those bullshit excuses. And we're going to re-encode some confidence and we're going to see you doing it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You might experience not being able to picture yourself in the visualization. This is super common. So here's what you're going to use. You're going to use the power of objectivity. That's it. What does that mean?
--:-- Mel Robbins: That means if you can't picture yourself doing the work, pick somebody that you admire who you could visualize doing the work. So for example, you could pick me. You could pick an interior designer that you absolutely love. There's so many of them online that you can follow on Instagram and you can imagine them in there taking the certifications, asking their friends if they could stage their apartment for an Instagram photo shoot, networking with realtors, trying to get a job in a design firm or heck in an amazing furniture retail location so you start to kind of build up the acumen.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There's all kinds of things you can do. If you can't picture yourself doing those small steps, put in me or somebody that you deeply admire who's already in the interior design business. Your mind will allow you through the power of objectivity to imagine someone else. Now, here's the catch. Here's the catch. Because remember, I'm the O-line. I'm your offensive lineman. I'm in your visualization so you can score with the ball.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So at some point in that visualization, let's just say you get a job at one of your favorite retail stores that sells furniture and is in the design business. And let's just say you put me in there and I'm the one that's managing the store. At some point in that visualization, I want you to visualize me turning around and extending my hand and saying, "Come on, Mara, it's your turn. Come here and help me." And let me invite you to join my side in your visualization. Visualize us doing the work together.
--:-- Mel Robbins: It's a super awesome hack. And using the power of objectivity, we can work around that blind spot in your brain until you're ready to fire Mel Robbins from that job. And now you can start visualizing yourself doing all the steps you're scared to take now. Super cool.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now let's get to step four. Because this is probably the most important part of manifesting according to neuroscience. And I think absolutely everybody forgets to tell you this part. Let's play Cynthia's question.
--:-- Cynthia: Hi, my name is Cynthia. I'm from Temecula, California. My question was to Mel: how do you go about manifesting without feeling like a sense of selfishness? I was raised in a very strict Catholic household. And when you asked for things, it was kind of like you had to do something in return. So I feel like when I'm asking the universe or God, whatever you believe in, for my things that I'm manifesting, I feel like I owe somebody something or something's gonna get taken away. So it makes me a little nervous to ask or manifest.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Cynthia, I got to tell you, you're right. You are going to owe somebody something. And you know what you owe them? Fucking work. That's right. You have to do the thing you're visualizing. When you sit there and you intentionally, mentally rehearse the steps you need to take, there is something that you owe the universe and you owe yourself. And that is to take the action.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You're not just going to sit there and train. At some point, that Olympic athlete has to do the race. At some point, you've got to make the cold call. At some point, you got to quit the job or pack the U-Haul trailer or get off your ass and do the training run at 5 a.m. So you better believe there is going to be something that is asked of you in return. And that's where the magic comes in, because the magic is in your actions.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And manifesting according to neuroscience just gets your own fears and people's judgments and your childhood wiring out of the way so that you can take those actions. That's it. You have to take the actions. You do owe the universe and yourself something. You owe yourself the actions, the effort, the work that's required. That's what your dreams demand.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I talk about this all the time. You know, we all want to believe that somehow you're going to close your eyes and imagine what you want and it's going to magically happen. I'm sorry, that may happen on TikTok or in Disney, but that is not how the real world works. The way that you are going to make something a reality is you are going to declare that you want it and then you are going to tediously, annoyingly wake up every single day and push yourself to lay one brick in a path with one action every day.
--:-- Mel Robbins: It's not going to be easy, but day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, action by action, as you visualize yourself taking the steps and then you actually push yourself to do the steps, you will wake up and realize you have paved a brick path to your dreams. And you are now, 10 years later, five years later, sitting on the porch of your ocean house. You are crossing the finish line of the New York City Marathon. You are making the final turn in that giant slalom race. That is how this works.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So you do owe something. You got to put your skin in the game and your ass on the line. And you do that by waking up every day and taking one of those small steps forward that you visualized and practiced and rehearsed by manifesting properly according to neuroscience.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now let me say the final mistake. You ready for the final mistake? This is mistake number four. You get impatient. I cannot tell you how many people literally give up on their dreams and they are one audition away from making it. Or how many people stop working on their business and they were one hour away from the breakthrough that they needed in the financial model. Or you give up on that novel or cookbook you wanted to write because you got frustrated by the creative process.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You make the mistake of thinking just because this is getting hard or it's boring or it's tedious, it's not working. Here's the thing I need you to understand. When it comes to achieving your goals and your dreams, there is no timeline involved. You have to give up the "when" and you got to stay focused on the "why" and the "how."
--:-- Mel Robbins: See, the benefit of waking up every day and using manifesting, according to neuroscience, to visualize yourself continuing to go forward is that when the going gets tough, you will have trained your brain and your nervous system that you're the kind of person that keeps going. And when your body and your brain knows that about you, when the going gets tough, you will keep going.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Overnight success does not exist, period. Yes, there are a lot of people that have gotten lucky. Yes, privilege is real. Bias is a fact. And it is really easy to get jealous. But what you aren't seeing when you focus on the end result is the years and years and years that went into this moment. Like a lot of people are looking at me right now and they're like, "Holy cow, this is one of the most successful podcast launches. How the hell did that happen overnight?" It didn't. I have been chipping away at it, doing the work behind the scenes before I even launched this thing.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You have to ask yourself, I think, when it comes to the big stuff, are you willing to work 10 years for it? Are you willing to work 10 years for that beach house? Are you willing to work 10 years for that million dollars in the bank? Are you willing to work 10 years to get that PhD, to heal your trauma, to be happy? Because that's how long it might take. And if we're being really honest here, if it's a really big thing, it could take even longer. And that's okay.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Because you know what? There's nothing more fulfilling in life than chipping away at your dreams and your goals. That's what gives your life meaning. Achieving your goals doesn't give your life meaning. Working on them, working towards something bigger than where you're at right now — that is where the real secret sauce is.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you want to be successful in business, you got to get ready to make a hundred hours of cold calls about your product or about the thing you're selling before you get one person that doesn't hang up on you. I'm not even talking about a yes. And that's where visualization comes in. You got to visualize the no's.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you want to be a writer, how about getting ready to write for five years? Five years of what Anne Lamott calls your shitty first draft. Days and days and days of sitting down every single day, because this is what a writer does. They sit down and they write no matter what. Days where you sit there and you stare at a blank piece of paper. Visualize that and visualize yourself keep going. Visualize publishers saying no and no and no. And then finally, somebody says yes or you self-publish.
--:-- Mel Robbins: See, the time and the effort that you have to put in, it's not glamorous, everybody. It's not easy. And there are going to be times that you're going to feel like giving up. And this is what separates the people who achieve their goals from the people who don't. So please, once you're honest with yourself about what you want, put in the time. Bring a lot of patience.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I promise, if you're willing to put in the work and the effort and you're willing to continue to train your mind to believe that yes, in fact, you are going to cross that finish line, you are going to have that million dollars in the bank, you are going to have the happiness and the love and the health that you deserve, you're going to have the family you've always dreamt of — you will eventually make it happen. I believe that. Honestly.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I just love this shit because manifesting according to neuroscience is one of my superpowers. If I'm not talking, I'm probably manifesting something that I want. I currently do not have a beach house. And let me tell you, I have two or three particular homes in mind that are currently occupied. I have all kinds of manifesting according to neuroscience going on. I'm in no hurry. I know this takes time. I keep seeing myself chipping away at it. I see the letter I'm going to write and I'm going to stick it in the note box. I see myself working to make the money.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I also have done this with this podcast, you guys. This was two years in the making before we recorded our first episode. You know what I was doing? I was busy manifesting all the hard and tedious stuff that would lead me here and actually doing it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Another thing I'm manifesting: we are getting this incredible studio space in Boston. And so I keep having these visions of making the drive down from Southern Vermont. I have this vision of one of our team members, Charlotte, standing out front of the building with a clipboard. And she has this little kind of one of those headset walkie talkie things on. And she's greeting this SUV that comes up. And I'm upstairs having stress diarrhea because the Dalai Lama is stepping out of the SUV and is coming up to be on the Mel Robbins podcast. And I am managing through my stomachache as Charlotte is walking the Dalai Lama through our lobby and up the elevator to our brand new, insanely cool studio.
--:-- Mel Robbins: This is what I do, everybody, because it's a superpower. I am training my mind to help me make my big dreams and visions a reality. And so I'm doing this for me. I do it for you. I do it for the people that I love. This stuff is awesome because in some way, when you really get good at this, it is true what the research at UCLA says. You do trick your own brain.
--:-- Mel Robbins: When we started this podcast, finally, after years of thinking about it and two years of properly manifesting according to neuroscience, I was so rehearsed. I had "mageried" or whatever the hell the word is that the Olympians used, that when I stepped in to record our first episode, it felt like I had been doing this for 10 years. Because in my mind, I've been preparing that long. That's how cool this is.
--:-- Mel Robbins: No more JV manifesting bullshit. We're using neuroscience here, people. You're letting your fears wire your mind instead of your dreams. Stop that. We're not doing that. Do not let your parents get into your brain. Do not let yourself doubt. You are an Olympian. You are a winner. Let your dreams and your desires hardwire your mind just like the Olympians do by properly manifesting.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You will have removed the self-doubt, the overwhelm, the procrastination, the anxiety, all that crap, the fear that is currently stopping you. And you, my friend, will see yourself walking step by step on that path, on the way to creating the life that you want. And I'm going to be here giving you a high five. I'm right here beside you. Don't you forget it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The reason why I'm doing that is because I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And that's why I'm here like a giant pain in the ass, your own personal O-line. I'm clearing that path so that you can grab the ball and run forward toward all those things you deserve.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Alright, I love you. Get out of here. You got work to do. I'll see you in a few days.
