If You Feel Overwhelmed & Uncertain About Money, Listen to This

Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Have you noticed how expensive basic things have become? I mean, egg prices, they've doubled, and that's not even for organic. It's absurd. Don't even get me started on the price of rent, insurance, co-pays, student loans. There's lots of people going on and on about what's actually causing this. But today, I want you and I to talk about what do you do about it? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed by the cost of living? Or overwhelmed by paying your bills? Or overwhelmed by managing your money? Like every time you log into your bank account, you're feeling panicked?

Well, I want you to hear me when I tell you this. You're not alone. One in three working adults lives paycheck to paycheck right now. And I know exactly how that feels. The pressure, it is crushing. And you start to feel like nothing is ever going to change. When I was 41 years old, my husband and I, we were $800,000 in debt. I mean, we could barely buy gas or groceries. And I believe for a period of time that that would be my life forever, that I would never get control of my money.

And if I could go back in time and talk to the 41-year-old version of myself, you know what I would tell her? I would say, Mel, I know this is scary, but you can figure this out. And even though you've been bad with money in the past, Mel, because that's how you get $800,000 in debt, because you're bad with money, tell you what, step by step, you can get good with it. And that's what our guest today is also going to tell you. Because just like me, he's been there. 14 years ago, he was broke, sleeping on his sister's couch. But today, he is proof that a complete financial transformation is possible for you too. You can get out of debt. You can turn things around and you can change your financial future. And yes, you can get good with money. And today, he is going to give you simple steps and habits to follow so that three months from now, things will look and feel very different than it does today.

[Music fades in and out]

Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited for our conversation today. I'm excited that you're here. It is always an honor to spend time with you, to be together. If you're a new listener, ooh, you've picked a winner. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. And because you made time to hit play and to listen to this particular episode, I know you're the type of person who values your time. And what's that saying? Time is money. You want to make more money. You want to get good with money. And not only do you want to get good with money, you want to transform your financial future. I'll tell you what, you're in the right place.

And if you chose to listen to this because someone shared this episode with you, I just think that's so cool because it means you have people in your life who not only care about you, they want you to make money. They want you to have a fantastic financial future. And look, you're not gonna be rich by the end of this episode, but you're going to leave with something more valuable. You're going to get the building blocks and the simple tools that will create a different financial future for you. And you're also going to learn the step-by-step approach from two people who had to completely rebuild their financial life from the ground up.

So if you've been bad with money, today you're going to learn how to start getting good with money. And you don't need to be embarrassed by where you are, because I'm going to tell you where I've been. And it's probably way worse than where you are today. See, I used to be like a walking financial red flag. If you were a credit card company, I would not have given Mel Robbins a credit card. If I were a bank, I would not have given Mel Robbins a mortgage. If I were a bill that was being delivered to Mel Robbins' house, I would not have expected to have been paid.

I'm about to tell you some very embarrassing stories about how bad I used to be with money. So if you've got unpaid bills, if you're living paycheck to paycheck, if you've got insane, embarrassing credit card debt or student loans that are bearing you alive, I have been there. I know that pain because I have felt that pain. And I need you to hear me say this. You can get good with money. In fact, you can learn how to be great with it. It took me 15 years to climb out of the financial hellhole that I had created for myself and learn the skills and habits that led me to where I am today. And I want you to learn from my mistakes.

So today, I'm going to walk you step by step through the things that you should be doing immediately to change your financial future starting today. And I'm gonna be doing it with the help of a very good friend of mine who is our guest in our Boston studios today. I'm talking about the one and only Lewis Howes. Lewis is a two-time New York Times bestselling author. He's also a two-time All-American athlete. You may recognize his name or his voice because for the last 12 years, he has hosted the School of Greatness podcast where he interviews some of the most successful people on the planet in business, entertainment, sports, science, health, medicine, money, and so much more.

And here's what I love about Lewis. He's been where I was, dead broke, no clue of what to do next, but he figured it out, just like I figured it out. And that means you can figure it out for you too. And today, he and I are joining forces to help you unlock your financial greatness. And what I love is that Lewis, he's just a regular guy. We're not talking fancy degrees or complicated talk about markets. He was able to turn his life around using the tools he's going to share with you today. He's also written a brand new book called Make Money Easy, which I've read and it's fantastic. So are you ready to get good with money? I thought so. So please help me welcome my friend Lewis Howes to the Mel Robbins podcast. Lewis Howes, welcome to Boston. Welcome to Mel Robbins podcast. I am so fired up that you're here.

Lewis Howes: I'm pumped.

Mel Robbins: Well, I want to congratulate you.

Lewis Howes: Thank you.

Mel Robbins: I think this is your best work ever.

Lewis Howes: Thank you.

Mel Robbins: And it is hitting the world at a moment where money feels so hard and finances feel hard and the news headlines are hard. And so I cannot wait for you to share with us how to make money easy.

Lewis Howes: Thank you. Yeah. And I wanted to start by having you speak directly to the person who is with us right now. This is somebody who does not have a lot of time, but they have made time to be able to learn from you. Could you tell them what they might expect to change about their life if they take everything that you and I are about to share with them today and they put it to use?

Lewis Howes: Now more than ever, it seems like it's scarier than ever because you don't know if you're going to have a job in six to 12 months with AI. You don't know if you can afford your bills, your rent, your car payments, food. Like you said, egg prices are going through the roof. It's like $10 for an egg or something now. Gas prices are through the roof. The economy, inflation is still high. It just seems like harder and harder to get ahead, to stay ahead, and to get more than month to month ahead. So now more than ever, there's uncertainty and fear, and it seems scary. But it's also a time of great opportunity if you can have clarity on what you want, why you want it, and where the money's going to go. I think a lot of people think it needs to be hard and stressful to make money, and it needs to be complicated. And it doesn't need to be complicated. You just need to learn the tools and have the courage to be curious to understand more.

Mel Robbins: I love that. And the other thing that is applicable here is that if you're listening and you're in the middle of reinvention because something has happened in your life or you're in a decade where you feel like you don't know who you are or what your purpose is and you're just feeling overwhelmed and lost, you could actually find purpose by saying, I'm going to learn how to be good with money.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Mel Robbins: But if we go back in time, because I think your story is very relatable. You have no money. You are sleeping on your sister's couch. How old are you at this point?

Lewis Howes: 23 and a half to 24.

Mel Robbins: So could you put us at the scene and tell us what was happening? And then once you put us there, I'd love to know how would you have described your relationship with money or what the person looked like?

Lewis Howes: Yeah, I mean, I was sleeping on my sister's. I pursued the dream to make the NFL. I never made it, but I played in the Arena Football League. And in the Arena Football League, I was making $250 a week. And I was living in a free apartment with another teammate that they put us up on the team. And we had food stamps to pay for food during the week. So this is in Huntsville, Alabama, 2007. And again, $250 a week, you can't live on. So it was, they paid for our rent and they gave us food stamps and about a thousand bucks a month.

Mel Robbins: Wow.

Lewis Howes: And I didn't care at the time because I was getting to live my dream. Most people, I talked to my nephews and nieces and their friends in their early and late 20s, they don't know their purpose. They don't know how to manage their emotions, how to regulate emotions, how to navigate their nervous system. They don't know how to navigate when someone's ghosting them. They're just in chaos mode emotionally, and they don't understand why am I here? What's my purpose? Let alone understand money. They don't have the energy to even think about money.

Mel Robbins: Got it. So, but back then you had a sense of purpose. So you were directed, so you weren't screwed like a lot of us are in our 20s.

Lewis Howes: At least clear, but I didn't have the ability to regulate my emotions still. I was still a mess emotionally, but I was excited about the path that I was on with my career at the time, which was playing sports.

Mel Robbins: Got it. So is there also this sense in looking back that at that exact moment, even though you were hand to mouth literally, you were not stressing about money because you had something bigger that you were focused on.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. And then bare necessities were covered. I could live off very little. And yeah, my rent was covered. You can buy a lot of ramen with $250 a week.

Mel Robbins: Exactly, exactly. Yes. I don't need a lot then. You're 23, you don't need a lot if your rent is covered, right?

Lewis Howes: Yes. And so...

Mel Robbins: What happened?

Lewis Howes: I got injured. I had to have a surgery. I had a bone taken out of my hip, put it in my wrist, and I was in a cast for six months. So during that time, it was a lot of stress because I was thinking about, oh, I can't play football again. I don't have a college degree. I'm in all this debt. I don't have any savings. I can't walk still because they took a bone out of my hip and I had 15 staples in there. I couldn't use my arm. So I was just feeling like the grief and sadness that my dream was over. I had no backup plan, no college degree, no money. You know, I'm a grown man in my young 20s, but I feel like a child because I'm sleeping on my sister's couch. She's providing. She's taking care of me. She's feeding me. You don't feel worthy if you can't take care of yourself. if you don't feel like you can appreciate your own value or believe in yourself that you're capable of creating or generating, you have shame and guilt associated with that. And that energy made me feel worse. I had to first learn how to grieve the loss of my dream.

Mel Robbins: Grieve. So you're like 23 years old with your hand permanently in a high five.

Lewis Howes: For six months.

Mel Robbins: For six months. You can't walk. You have no money. You are no longer on the team. Nothing. And it makes sense that you would not feel motivated to get a job or to feel like you had any sense of purpose. And I think that this moment of the story, a lot of people can relate to whether or not you were going for a dream or not, the sense of, I'm just existing right now.

Lewis Howes: Yeah. And trying to understand why am I here? What's the purpose of my life? If this was my dream and I felt like I was supposed to do, most people don't even know what they're supposed to do. I knew what I wanted to do, but now it's done. So I was like, what's the point of this? Also, my dad had gotten into a pretty bad car accident about a year and a half before that. So he was still recovering from this accident, this brain trauma that he had. And he was never the same man again. So I was losing the loss of my dad emotionally. He was physically alive, but emotionally a different person. And this was also in 2008, when you know how bad the economy was. The housing market crashed then. It kind of felt like the uncertainty of right now, 2025. There's a lot of uncertainty. What's going to happen? It does feel financially similar, doesn't it? There isn't a crash in the market, but it feels like people can't afford anything, right? We don't know how to afford anything. And we don't know, are we going to be able to keep making money in the future? People are losing their jobs left and right. Gas price keeps going up. I can't afford rent. How can I save to even get ahead? So it had that feeling, that energy for me. I was just like, I don't know what to do. And I felt stuck. I felt trapped. I felt paralyzed.

Mel Robbins: You know, that's exactly how I felt. I mean, and here you are 23. I was 41 when this happened. If you're listening and you don't know kind of how I got started, it's very similar to Louis. And right around the same time, right around 2008, my husband had got into the restaurant business and we had secured the whole thing with our house, like complete morons. We also cashed out every credit card we could get. and took out a home equity loan, cashed out the kids' college savings, the 401ks, all of it.

Lewis Howes: All of it?

Mel Robbins: All of it.

Lewis Howes: Really?

Mel Robbins: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Now you're looking at me like-

Mel Robbins: Wow.

Lewis Howes: You're a real idiot now. I didn't know you took out the kids' college fund money.

Mel Robbins: Oh, yeah.

Lewis Howes: Oh, wow.

Mel Robbins: Dude, everything.

Lewis Howes: You were all in?

Mel Robbins: We were all in because the first location, Little Pizza Joint, did well. And so, you know, we-

Lewis Howes: Let's scale this thing.

Mel Robbins: Oh, let's scale this thing. We listened to all the freaking entrepreneurs out there going, like, don't give away equity, go all in on yourself. Because what could go wrong in the restaurant business? Everything. So looking back, I can laugh. But of course, what ended up happening is 2007, 2008, there was a huge recession and the housing market collapsed, which meant the house, even though we owned a house, because we had secured the business with the house and home equity lines and credit cards, the house was not worth anything because of the amount of debt leveraged against it. And so you couldn't sell it.

Lewis Howes: Oh my no.

Mel Robbins: Cause we would have owed money. And so we were just that, that feeling of being paralyzed and I lost my job. And I remember feeling so ashamed and you know, I had made the vision boards. I had had a vision for my life and nowhere on any of the collages that I created about my dream life was an image of alcoholism, bankruptcy, a million dollars in debt, like none of that. And so when you said paralyzed, I remember because there's an excruciating level of stress that you never forget when you cannot pay your bills. You're living in that fear and stress and anxiety. And I had this whole line, Lewis, because I knew that I would go into the grocery store knowing that the checking account was in the red. And I would have this whole line rehearsed where I'd be standing at the checkout counter and they'd be scanning the items. Beep, beep. And I'm thinking, dear God, let there be an electronic glitch. And I have a kid or two or three of them with me.

Lewis Howes: You're like, let them have a glitch.

Mel Robbins: Yes. Let them, let them please. And they would, I'd pass over the card, debit or credit. I'd go credit because I knew if I hit debit, it would definitely pass. And when it ultimately, there were times where there was a miracle and it went through. But when it ultimately didn't go through, I had this whole line rehearsed. I would just cock my head and go, well, that's strange. It just worked at the gas station.

Lewis Howes: Wow.

Mel Robbins: Let me, let me, I'm just going to run out. Just, you can hold the girl. I'm going to run out to the car because I've got some money out there. And we would never come back.

Lewis Howes: No.

Mel Robbins: Oh my gosh. and that's the shame associated with that the the stress the the judgment oh it's not yes and then the anger that i'm in this situation because as much as i wanted to blame chris or the business i was just as big of a cheerleader i said let's go all in yeah of course i ignored the advice of the experts like i like did this too so how did you start making money at that time in 2007 8 9

Lewis Howes: LinkedIn was just getting started, really. And the president of my school that I had a relationship with, I reached out to him and he said, go on LinkedIn and try to find a job on LinkedIn. So that's what I did. I just took his advice and I started emailing and messaging executives in Columbus, Ohio and asking them to meet with me. And I started going to Toastmasters because I was afraid of public speaking. And at Toastmasters, this is where I started to develop skills. At Toastmasters, I met really great public speakers who were executives in my city as well. And some of those started helping me out.

I remember one time I went to a Toastmasters session, which is for public speaking. This was when I was in my cast. I went to this Toastmasters I swear to God I had to have a cutoff shirt because shirts wouldn fit over the cast It was so bulky I had to have a cutoff shirt I went to this Toastmasters I give speeches like this Believe it or not this is crazy Like the guy from Rookie of the Year but I didn have superpowers with that. And so I'd get up in front of a podium and give a speech and I'd stutter. I was terrified. I could not speak. I would read aloud, word for word, the thing that I would say like this, you know, and I'd speak word for word and I wouldn't look up at anyone. I was so terrified. But I knew at that moment that if I didn't go all in on my fears, the fears would never disappear. So I just said, I got to go all in on this.

And at this one Toastmasters club that I went to, they had like, I don't know, like snacks in the back. And I shit you not, this is so sad, but this is what it took at that time. I had really baggy jeans that I'd wear and a cutoff shirt to this like professional board meeting speaking. in the back, they had, you know, carrots and broccoli and like dip. And I was getting napkins, stuffing carrots and broccoli and crackers in my pockets. Cause I had no, I had no money for food at this time. And this guy taps me on the shoulder. He goes, what are you doing? I go, I literally was like, uh, I don't have any money. I'm sleeping on my sister's couch. Like I just got injured playing football. I'm trying to figure out life. And he said, let me get you some lunch. He took me down the street, got me some lunch, and he became one of my mentors named Frank Agan. And he coached me on public speaking. We wrote my first book together. He co-wrote it with me, a book about LinkedIn after about a year and a half. So I was just putting myself out there to learn new skills and meeting people. And people started helping me when I put myself out there. These are embarrassing stories that I don't tell anymore because it's like, I didn't have any money. I was taking food wherever I could get it and stuffing it in my pockets. That's how bad it was.

Mel Robbins: Well, yeah, but I think the important thing here is that you were not sitting on your sister's couch.

Lewis Howes: I took massive action.

Mel Robbins: You took massive action.

Lewis Howes: I was emailing people. I was going to clubs. I was learning salsa dance. I was like, whatever I can do to develop skills. And by the way, reaching out through LinkedIn made you an expert on LinkedIn, which is what you then started marketing yourself at.

Mel Robbins: started making money around that skill that I developed.

Lewis Howes: Correct. Something I had no clue how to use in the beginning and made a lot of mistakes around. I eventually learned to master it. And people started coming to me and saying, hey, can you teach me about how you're using LinkedIn to build all these relationships and network with mentors and leaders? And I started hosting these LinkedIn networking events for free around the country because I was building groups and communities on LinkedIn and bringing people together. I didn't know how to make money with it at first, but then someone said, hey, can I I have a sponsorship booth here and promote my business for 200 bucks. I said, sure. Okay. Ding, ding, ding. Let me sell more sponsorships. Then someone said, will you do one-on-one consulting with me to optimize my LinkedIn profile? Sure. Okay. They paid me. Then I said, why don't I just write a book about this and sell the book at these events? So that's where all these things started to come. It was right in front of me. This wasn't like my dream in my life is to teach people about LinkedIn, but the money was available right there. So it was part of the mission to make that money, to help me get out of debt, to help me get off my sister's couch, to be able to pay for my own apartment, to buy my own food, all these different things, to not rely on anyone else. As I started to save that money and have more in the bank and realize I'm not gonna go broke, I had maybe two years of runway of savings. And I was also living very beneath my means. I was paying $4.95 a month for a rent in Columbus, Ohio. I didn't have a car, I walked everywhere. I mean, I was living frugal life.

Mel Robbins: Wow.

Lewis Howes: As the LinkedIn guy.

Mel Robbins: As the LinkedIn guy.

Lewis Howes: Wow. I was taking Greyhound buses, you know, to events. I was like-

Mel Robbins: Okay, because you're like around the country. I'm like, how the hell is he paying? So now I know how you're paying for it. You're taking the bus.

Lewis Howes: I was taking the bus. I was taking like the cheapest middle seat of the back of like Southwest, wherever I could go. I was staying on friends' couches. I was afraid to spend at that time also. I would stash it, but I wouldn't spend it because I didn't want to go back to the couch and be broke again. And there's a season for everything.

Mel Robbins: Right. You don't want to blow it all when you get it. right? But over this time, this is probably a five-year window. I started to make good money. I started to save money. I started doing online courses and hosting events and just doing anything that was right in front of me to make money. And I think that's the right thing that people should do.

Lewis Howes: Of course.

Mel Robbins: And I think it's also important to hear, you're talking about a five-year period. You're also talking about, okay, first I took the bus. I'm sleeping on people's couches. I'm saving, saving, saving, saving. And five years of just putting in the reps and doing pushing this forward, you're now in a different place. And what happens?

Lewis Howes: So then I started to reevaluate. Do I really want to be making this type of money? Like, do I want to go online and just teach people about how to optimize their LinkedIn profile for the 10,000th time? It wasn't my calling anymore. It was right for the time, but not for the next season. So I started to evaluate and I was like, what are the things I really enjoy about this? What are the things that I'm loving the most? What would I like to do? What would be amazing to be able to make money doing something with my time. And everything went back to, I really love just like connecting with people who are doing inspiring things on LinkedIn and asking them questions. Everything they're teaching me taught me how to build my business now. And everyone was asking me like, Lewis, how did you build this business so fast? I mean, five years for me was fast for what I was doing, I guess, but I thought I could have been faster. They were like, how did you build this? And I go, I honestly just like asked the most successful people that I knew that I could find. And I just did what they told me. That was it. And I go, oh, maybe people would want to hear these things. Huh? Okay. How can I interview people and make money with it? I don't know, but I'm hearing this thing called podcasting coming out. This was 2011, 2012. And I was like, maybe you can make money in this one day. And so I had two friends who had a podcast and I called them. This was early stages. Like you were like a, there was like a thousand people in the world podcasting.

Mel Robbins: A pioneer.

Lewis Howes: Nobody knew what this was. You just were like, huh? No one knew. And I, and I wasn't a really a way to make money back then.

Mel Robbins: Right.

Lewis Howes: But I knew it would fuel like my heart's desire. I was like, if I can interview the world's smartest people and I can share that information with those for free, that's going to make me feel good. And that's a generous mindset. So it was helping me, but it was helping others. And so I literally just researched it for a few months and I was like, ah, let me just record one on my phone. I did it with Robert Green with my first interview.

Mel Robbins: And Robert Green was my first interview.

Lewis Howes: Yeah.

Mel Robbins: But geez, bury the lead for crying out loud.

Lewis Howes: And, um, and I was hooked. I was just hooked. Even though like 10 people listened in the first week or whatever, I was just like, in my first year of podcasting, that was a full year of me every single week doing an episode and then messaging everyone on LinkedIn and Facebook one by one saying, hey, go listen to this episode. I think you might like this one part. It was just the little reps every single day for that whole year to get that. And I made $0 on the podcast the first year. It took me years to make money with it. Now it fed my soul, didn't feed my bank account. But again, this is that five-year run. When you were the LinkedIn guy sleeping on couches and taking buses and sitting in the middle row of the back of the airplane to try to get places, and you're like putting in the Lego bricks to build something, that's exactly what you were doing when you jumped into podcasting. And I developed skills and confidence and reps, and I understood certain things, and I had a certain level of credibility at that point. I was like, okay, let me go launch this. I feel confident. Even if I don't make money, I'd save money. And I was still building the other business. I was still running things, but I just wanted to get away from that eventually. So it took years to get away from it.

Mel Robbins: What I love about the story, Lewis, because here we are 12 years later, you have one of the most successful podcasts in the world. You're an inspiration to certainly me. Like you're one of the people I used to look at and be like, why didn't I start podcast? Look at Lewis is already doing it. I can't, you know, like literally you inspired me. You blazed a trail for people. You showed people it was possible to build a business around it and to make a difference.

Lewis Howes: Thank you. Appreciate it.

Mel Robbins: You know, what's interesting, Louis, is that if I think back to how scared and paralyzed I was at that period in my life, my story for quite a while was, we're never going to get out of this. I'm never going to fix this. I will always be this stuck. I will always, I will never figure this out. We're going to lose everything. And I can see for months and months telling myself that story kept me spiraling in place. And it hid from at least my view and my motivation, my ability to see some of the things that the experts said, this is what you do when you're in that situation. It certainly doesn't change things overnight, but there are simple actions you can take that if you felt like, okay, I'm going to figure this out. Okay. I, I, I, I'm smart enough to listen to Lewis and to read, make money easy and to listen to information that is going to help me because people have been in the situation before that you can actually figure this out and that you can learn to make money easy. That that is what motivates you to start doing something different? Is that why this matters?

Lewis Howes: 100%. I mean, you were just saying exactly how I was feeling back then that money is hard. Money is stressful. I don't understand money. I went all in on money, but then it just escaped me. And now it's left me in this horrible place. I'm never going to get out of this place. It's always going to feel hard. I'm always going to be overwhelmed.

Mel Robbins: Right.

Lewis Howes: And that's what you kept telling yourself as part of your story. And it's too hard for me to figure this out. And it's too hard for me to get out of debt. There's no way to get out. I think a lot of people think it needs to be hard and stressful to make money and it needs to be complicated and it doesn't need to be complicated. You just need to learn the tools and have the courage to be curious, to understand more. And when you don't understand something, it seems extremely complicated. Right when you start to figure it out, right when you start to be able to pedal and stay in alignment on that bicycle, you're like, this is so easy. It's effortless. Most people are unwilling to get on the bicycle and fall a few times because they just don't understand it. This foreign object over here, how am I supposed to sit on these two wheels and go down the street without killing myself? It seems so foreign and scary until we do it. It seems like, why was I ever afraid of this in the first place?

Mel Robbins: Are there commonly agreed to steps that after 12 years of interviewing so many financial experts on the School of Greatness that help you manifest money, success, and happiness, Lewis?

Mel Robbins: One of the common themes that some of the wealthiest people in the world all have told me through the School of Greatness show is that the more they give, the more they're generous with their money, the more they make, the more they earn, the more comes to them. And when you have no money, it's hard to think, "Oh, let me just give my money away. Let me be generous with it," because you don't have much. But they all tell me that that's the place when you need to learn and develop this habit. Not when you have a lot to give, but when you have a little to give. It's not how much you give to people. It's that you're giving something.

Lewis Howes: A generous mindset.

Mel Robbins: So if you were giving advice to you—when you're on your sister's couch, stuffing broccoli in your pocket, like you got nothing, dude—how do you be generous and adopt that when you feel like you have nothing to give? If you have no money to give, can you give time?

Lewis Howes: Oh, I love that. And one of the things that got me to where I am—and you could probably tell because you've known me for eight years this month. We met eight years ago. And you've seen me over the years. The thing that I bring to the table, I feel like, is I'm curious. I ask people questions and I get them to open up and talk about themselves in unique ways, just like you do. And that is a generous thing that we can do.

When I was early on, I would reach out to people on LinkedIn. Initially I said, "Hey, can you give me some advice? I'm broke." And no one replied. I can't imagine why. No one replied to me because no one wants to give their time to someone who needs something from them. I was taking from them. "Hey, I'm broke. I've got no skills. Can you give me 20 minutes of your time so I can pick your brain?" I know you get that all the time. We don't have time.

So I realized, "Oh, this strategy isn't working. Let me actually dive in deeper on the person I'm wanting to learn from. Actually research their story, learn about the things they overcame, read some articles about them, and see if I can find something unique that is meaningful to them and see if they're willing to tell me about that." So I started emailing people differently, saying, "Gosh, it's really interesting how you overcame this one challenge in your career and you jumped to this position. I'd really love to hear about the mindset you had when you were facing that challenge and what got you there." I'm not asking for advice. I'm asking for someone to relive a story that is triumphant for them.

And one by one, people started replying. They said, "Yeah, I'll call you. I'll take you out to breakfast." They're buying me lunch just to tell me their story. I'm not asking for advice, but they're giving me all the advice they have through their storytelling.

So if you don't have money, you can be generous with your time. You can be generous with your energy, with your questions, and you can have a generous attitude. You can be of service in some other way. You can show up to support at your local church. You can just call a friend and say, "Hey, I know you're struggling right now. Can I take you out? Can we go for a walk? Can I FaceTime you?"

Mel Robbins: Well, I love that because when you are really struggling, you tend to close yourself off to the world. And so I love this advice because energetically you can feel like you're spinning.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Mel Robbins: That "Am I doing anything to actually drive this forward?" And you did that by just taking the action. It's like me opening up these bills and just being like, "Can't pay that today, but I can call the company and explain what's going on."

Lewis Howes: 100%.

Mel Robbins: "I don't have a job today, but I can call a friend and start networking about what's going on." And I just kept telling myself, "I'm going to get myself out of this. I don't know how." And these consistent actions that you took, that I took, it was the consistency and the courageous conversations that gave me more confidence.

Whoever's listening or watching right now, if anything has resonated with you in any way, the best way you can develop a mindset of generosity is to share this with one or two friends in your life. Share this with your sister, your girlfriend, share this with your mom, your brother, your spouse, and say, "Hey, listen, I know things haven't been maybe horrible around money, but I'd love to improve our relationship with money together. I'd love to start asking questions and having conversations and feeling more safe around money with you. It doesn't mean we've had a bad relationship with money together, but I want to increase our ability to feel stronger around money so we can both create more abundance in our life financially. Is that something you're open to?"

If so, share with me your biggest takeaway from this episode with Lewis and Mel, and let's talk about it. Just starting here and having a conversation with one or two friends or family members is a huge step forward.

Lewis Howes: Oh, I love that. Text one or two friends, go to your WhatsApp group chat, and say, "Hey guys, I heard a great episode around money. I would love your biggest takeaway from this episode."

Mel Robbins: All righty, Lewis, let's give the person who's listening a chance to share this conversation with people in their life that they care about, who they want to learn all of this amazing stuff, and they want to have a better financial future. And I also want to give our sponsors a chance to say a few words. So don't go anywhere. Lewis and I are going to be waiting for you after a short break. He has so much more to share with you. It is so fun to get good with money, and that's what we're doing today. Stay with me.

[Break]

Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. We are here today. I'm with my friend, Lewis Howes. I'm so excited you're spending time together with us because we are talking about the simple habits and steps that you can take to change your financial future.

So Lewis, what do you think the top skills are? Let's say the person listening is like, "Lewis, if I want to put myself in a position in the next two years to be able to earn six, seven figures, is there a particular skill that I should be leaning into right now?"

Lewis Howes: The skill that I'm going to say is leadership, but learning to lead yourself. It's not the skill that you think.

Mel Robbins: I thought you were going to say, "Learn to code AI." I'm like, "Lead myself? How the hell am I going to make six figures?"

Lewis Howes: Because you might—there are certain hard skills you're going to want to learn. For me, public speaking was one of the greatest skills that I learned. It's more of a soft skill. Leadership overall is the skill that you want to develop. Learning to lead yourself, learning to navigate your emotions, learning to regulate your emotions, learning to believe in yourself—all of that self-leadership and self-emotional intelligence within you. And that takes reflection, that takes listening to this episode, that takes journaling, that takes having a great evening routine, morning routine. It's leading your life to be proud of you and accepting of you. If you're not there yet, it just means there's something I get to do every day to improve.

Stack the wins every single day. Have a conversation with someone every single day for five minutes about money. Create a game plan in your morning routine about what three steps you're going to take today to support you on learning something new about money. Read 10 pages in a book. Listen to this episode. Have a conversation with a friend. Start stacking the wins with where you're at in your life. And if you have a lot of money, it might look different than if you don't have a lot of money. But start stacking the wins so you feel the momentum of that money. And you're going to feel more confident when you have that momentum. If you just feel stuck, you don't have momentum. So in order to get unstuck, you have to start taking actions every single day.

When I was 24, broke on my sister's couch, no clear game plan, I gave myself one. And it was a nine-month game plan because it was around this time—it was like March in the beginning of the year. So I was like, "All right, by the end of this year, I want to have one goal accomplished from money." And I did this, which was I wrote down $5,000. I just thought of something for me that seemed so unrealistic. Five grand at that time was like, "I don't know how I'm going to make this money. I don't know where the money is going to come from. I have no clue, but let me just write down a goal for myself. Five grand."

And I said, "How do I want to make this money? I would like to make it from public speaking." I just got into public speaking classes at Toastmasters. And I was—I was my cast.

Mel Robbins: You're stuffing broccoli in your pocket.

Lewis Howes: Exactly. And reading word for word, not looking at the audience, like sweating out of my cutoff shirt, smelling up the room. And I literally said it would be a dream to make five grand from one speech, but it terrified me. It excited me and terrified me at the same time.

So this is what I did. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and I signed it with a date that I wanted to accomplish it by. I just wanted to create a visualization practice for myself with a clear goal and a clear date in mind.

Mel Robbins: Got it. Five grand, date by when, how you're going to do it.

Lewis Howes: I put it on the wall. I framed it on my bedroom right behind me on my wall. So every day I woke up, I turn around, I see the goal in mind. So I just had a clear direction. It wasn't like, "What am I going to do in 10 years? I'm going to be a millionaire one day." It was like, "I just want to make five grand in nine months. Give me a speech."

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to show up every single week to Toastmasters to take action and get better at the skill. And I'm going to start giving free workshops through LinkedIn, which I started using to build relationships. So I said, "I'm going to find a way to do free events. Tell people I'll speak at their company. I'll do a lunch and learn. Whatever it is, I'll do anything for free to practice, to get reps."

So every week I went to public speaking class, and then I was doing free workshops for those next nine months. At one point, someone gave me $100. And I was like, "This is incredible. I'm rich." And I just said, "Okay, I need to do more of this thing." And eventually, by the end, I shit you not, $5,000 for one speech came to me by the end of that date. And I think the deadline created such a level of urgency for me to take action.

Again, I was working hard. It doesn't mean I was like, "I'm going to think it and money's going to flow to me." That's not what this is about. I was showing up weekly. I was terrified weekly. And I showed up to develop skills for myself so that my value appreciated.

Mel Robbins: I love what you just said, because one of the things that I got from reading your book and digging into it is that you're revealing all of the mistakes that we've made that we didn't know we were making based on our past or the stories we tell ourselves or self-doubt that put obstacles between us and the money that we can create that make it feel hard and complicated. You just need to learn the tools and have the courage to be curious to understand more.

I am so in. Let's jump into the tools.

Lewis Howes: Okay. So there are three key steps to improving your relationship with money. And that's really the first thing that we need to understand: what is our relationship with money?

The first one is really understanding your money wounds.

Mel Robbins: A money wound? What does that mean?

Lewis Howes: It becomes a money wound, which is a part of your money story.

Mel Robbins: A money story.

Lewis Howes: When you can write down and journal—here are some of the things that happened to me when I was younger around money that caused me to feel a little anxious, a little avoidant, that make me feel stressed about money. And just write down the stories that you remember.

For me, I remember stealing money. I remember stealing candy bars at stores. I remember the shame that I felt by getting caught when I was younger, stealing money. And just like, man, that was a wound. That was a trauma in my life.

I remember also—this is a really sad story. I didn't really have many friends growing up. Being dyslexic, similar to yourself, you probably had a lot of friends, probably missed popularity. But I was dyslexic and always in the special needs classes in school. And I remember when anytime kids would hang out with me or talk to me, I was just holding on to it. I was like, "Oh, please hang out with me."

And there were these two kids that wanted to start a club, an after-school club, like in their basement. And they said, "In order to join the club, you either need to answer a couple of questions or you need to pay money." And I was like, "Well, I don't have any money, so what are the questions?" And I didn't know the answer to the questions. And I felt like the dumbest kid in the world.

So I went home and I talked to my mom. I said, "Mom, I need $5 to join this club." And she was like, "I don't have the money." And I go, "I really need this." And she could see the desperation in my heart. And so we turn over the couch cushions and she's looking for quarters. She's going into a room, her drawers. And she gets together $5 and change, puts it in a shoebox. And I walk to the house where the kids are. I hand them the shoebox with $5 in it. And I hang out with them for like an hour. They're talking with themselves in the basement, and it's just me by myself, and I just feel like I'm the dumbest person in the world. I can't answer their questions. I barely had the money to just be their friends. And even when I did, I'm not their friend. It's a fake friend. And I never went back to that because I was just like, "Man, this doesn't feel good."

So this is a money wound. These are just stories that I had, these memories that still lived with me today. And I had to learn how to create a new story.

Mel Robbins: Well, you write about this on page 63 of the book and you talk about how the first question was "Name someone who walked on the moon." The second one was "Name the first three presidents of the United States."

Lewis Howes: I still don't know the answers.

Mel Robbins: You know, it's like—

Lewis Howes: I still don't know the answers to these things.

Mel Robbins: You know what? We still love you, Lewis.

Lewis Howes: Exactly. Not only was I not smart enough to join the club, but I had to pay to have friends. I later came to realize that the deeper message I took away from this experience wasn't just that I didn't have much money, but that I didn't have much value.

Mel Robbins: Yes.

Lewis Howes: And so I can see how the story—and you write down—so the first kind of struggle that people have is really getting clear on what your money memories are through your money wounds. So just writing a list of stories, memories around money wounds. What are the things where money was tied to? Maybe something your parents said and they struggled and they had arguments or they fought. Maybe you had to move schools because you couldn't afford something anymore. Maybe you had to move out of the house, whatever it might be. Maybe you had to live with your aunts and uncles for a season of time because your parents didn't have money. Maybe kids made fun of you because you were wearing something that wasn't cool. Whatever it might be, just write down the memories of your money history, your money story.

And these are some money wounds that still, if you haven't learned to heal and have a better relationship with those stories and learn to essentially forgive yourself, create a new relationship with yourself around that, and just kind of hug yourself emotionally like, "Okay, this is what I went through as a kid. And it sucked, but as an adult, I can do things differently."

Mel Robbins: Yes.

Lewis Howes: And these stories don't have to define me. These wounds don't have to stay open anymore.

Mel Robbins: That's right.

Lewis Howes: But a lot of us are unconsciously still acting out of wounds that we haven't healed.

Mel Robbins: It's true. And when it's tied to money and you're in intimate relationship with your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your husband, your wife, there's even a greater charge to that emotional feeling. And it's not a feeling of freedom. It's a feeling of stress, overwhelm, chaos.

So I don't know what conversations you heard from parents or peers or friends growing up around money. Did you have—were your parents very cautious around money and did they have a good relationship? Did they never argue around money? Did they never stress about it? Did they teach you and empower you around money? Or did it feel like "Money doesn't grow on trees, money is challenging, we're fighting because of money conversations, we don't have enough, there's never enough, these bills I got to pay"? Was that part of your story?

You know, not really. It's interesting because I never heard my parents talk about money. So they were avoidant. I don't know what that means, but I never heard them talk about money. They were both extremely hardworking. And I do remember a vivid, vivid memory of both my grandmother on the big cattle farm that my mom grew up in. She would sit in her housecoat at the end of the day with one of those little tap-tap-tap-tap calculators, and she would be balancing the cash receipts from the roadside farm stand. And then when I grew up, my mom would literally be tallying and paying bills and balancing the checkbook. And that's the only conversation that I ever heard about money.

Now, my husband, on the other hand, grew up with a family that there was a lot of shame around money. His dad started to ascend in his career when Chris was in high school, but there was a lot of "Don't get used to this. This isn't yours. You don't deserve that. You need to pay your own way." Even though there was money. And so my husband was very, very—well, not anymore. He's changed his story around money—but very tense, very restrictive. A lot of "I don't deserve this."

So Lewis, how does improving your money story help you when you feel lost?

Lewis Howes: It helps you because when you heal your relationship with money, then you can feel free with money. And if you feel stuck and trapped and anxious or avoidant or overwhelmed with money, you're not free. And it's hard to create from a place of scarcity. It's hard to just experience joy and love and passion and fun in your life from a place of scarcity. It's really challenging. So why would you think that having that same energy with money is going to create more financial freedom for you?

Mel Robbins: Let me see if I can unpack, because I think I know what you're saying. And so I want to make sure as you're listening to Lewis, and maybe you're the 23-year-old who's scared you're never going to be able to move out of your parents' house or ever afford a house of your own. Or maybe you're like my husband and I were, and you're now in a situation where you thought you'd be further along, and you're now just paycheck to paycheck.

When you say "free," I think I know what you mean. What I can recognize in that word if I go the opposite: if freedom is one extreme that's available if I change my story about money, the opposite of that is imprisoned. If you're imprisoned by your debt like I used to be, and you're also keeping yourself trapped there with the story you tell yourself—like criticizing yourself. "And I'm an idiot. How could I let myself do this? Why could I let myself get in debt?"

Lewis Howes: Wait, were you there with me? How do you know that's what I was saying, Louis?

Mel Robbins: But I mean, that's how a lot of people feel. And that's how I felt at that time. I was like, "Why didn't I just try harder in school? Why didn't I go get that medical degree? Why didn't I do something that was safe? Why did I try to pursue this crazy dream of playing football? I got injured. Now I have nothing." It's this guilt, shame, energy that only keeps you trapped. It doesn't create a space of flourishment, of growth and abundance. It keeps you stagnant, stuck, and feeling not enough.

Mel Robbins: It's going back to this word of peace. Most people have a lack of peace when it comes to money. They feel stressed.

Lewis Howes: Oh, isn't that true?

Mel Robbins: Well, and also like if you can't pay your bills, you're stressed. Of course. There is no peace.

Lewis Howes: There is no peace.

Mel Robbins: There is no peace. And I'm not saying like, "Oh, you're broke and you're in chaos mode right now. Just feel peace." That's really hard to do.

Lewis Howes: Its first step is understanding your story.

Mel Robbins: This feels like a great moment to hit the pause button, Lewis, and give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. And I also want to give you a chance to share this episode with people that you care about, people that deserve to have a great financial future and that need to be reminded of the simple things they can be doing now to change the trajectory of their life and the amount of money that they make. So don't go anywhere. We got more to share with you when we return. And Lewis and I are going to be waiting for you after a short break.

[Break]

Mel Robbins: Welcome back, it's your buddy Mel Robbins. Thank you for still being here. Thank you for spending time listening to this. I am so excited that my buddy Lewis Howes is here and that we are talking all things money.

So Lewis, what's the second step once you know your story?

Lewis Howes: The second one is to reset your money mindset.

Mel Robbins: What do you mean, "money mindset"? This sounds weird.

Lewis Howes: We need to reset and rewire our brains to have the ability so that more money can come to us effortlessly and easily, even though we're going to be working and taking actions to get there on a consistent basis. But we need to rewire our brains to allow for money to come to us.

Mel Robbins: Okay. So how do I get a better mindset?

Lewis Howes: You start educating yourself.

Mel Robbins: Okay.

Lewis Howes: You start educating yourself. You start getting mentors. You start learning about it. You start having conversations around money where you can feel comfortable as opposed to scared. Again, most people feel afraid of just having a conversation about it.

Mel Robbins: I agree.

Lewis Howes: They won't speak to their parents about it. Their parents are hush-hush. They don't talk about it. You don't talk to your partner about it. It's just confusing and scary. And so you have to rewire your mind to think about money.

Mel Robbins: So is it actually possible? Because here's the thing. You've rewired your mind.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Mel Robbins: I certainly have—

Lewis Howes: It's a constant work in progress.

Mel Robbins: Okay, but I've clawed my way out of that. People are like, "How'd you get out of that?" I'm like, "15 years."

Lewis Howes: Of hard work.

Mel Robbins: Of hard work. And it's not getting rid of hard work. No one can say that you don't work hard, that I don't work hard. We work hard. But it's about the energy around money. How can we make that feel easier when we receive it and when we give it away?

Lewis Howes: It's shifting the energy and the relationship with those things so that you feel more free.

Mel Robbins: You know, I get a lot out of that because when I think back to—it was in my freaking 40s. I was supposed to feel like I'm on the uptick now. And so I felt all the regret and the beat down, none of which helped me to climb out of the debt. What helped me to climb out of debt was to get serious that I actually wanted to.

And so I think it's really important for you to understand it's not going to be easy. It's not easy to open up your bills. It's not easy to look at your bank account and see where the money is going. It's not easy to recognize that you're paying for apps and you're paying for subscriptions and you're paying for things that you don't use and that you got to tighten up the belt. But when you get very clear that you value something different than where you are, I have no doubt in my mind that no matter how old you are or how young you are and in the hole you are with student debts, that you can start to chip away at this.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Mel Robbins: And the chipping away at this, even though it's not a glamorous thing to do, that is what actually changes how you feel. And that is what changes your money and your financial life over time. And it takes time. And I'm going to be honest about that. But that doesn't change the fact that you could actually make a decision today to use the advice that you're learning and just dig in.

Lewis Howes: 100%. And look, it just started with opening up the bills, which I had been avoiding doing. It started with calling the credit card companies. It started with printing out my actual monthly bank statement and highlighting all the dumb ways I was spending money. It started with looking at the savings that I did have. It started with having conversations with family members about where we actually were. It started with really questioning, "Can we afford to hold on to this house? Can we afford to have this car? Can we afford to be a Netflix subscriber?" I mean, that's the level of honesty you have to get to because I think you look a lot at how much you earn and you forget to look at, well, how much is actually going out the door? And you're not even looking at it because you're telling yourself you're bad with money and you feel demoralized about the price of everything.

Well, look at where your money is going and then get very clear about what you want to create. And then for me, what that meant is get a job and then get a second one and then figure out how to make money on the side. And it's not easy, but with time—and for me, it took a decade—you can actually change what things look like.

Mel Robbins: You can. 100%.

Lewis Howes: A strategy that I've learned over the years is when money comes to me, I thank money. If you don't have that feeling of, "Man, I'm grateful that you're here. I'm grateful that money just came to me." Again, it's tying it to the mindset, which is a generous spirit. And when you have a generous heart, you have a thankful heart. So I'm thanking money when it comes. And when it goes—this is the hard thing—you have to thank it when it goes.

Mel Robbins: Why?

Lewis Howes: Most people don't like spending money on their bills. For me, this was one of the hardest things I've had to learn: spending money on taxes. And for years, I freaking hated it. I hated it. I hated it. And that energy kept me trapped. It kept me stressed out and trapped. It doesn't mean I have to love it and enjoy it, but I have to shift my relationship with spending money on bills, spending money on taxes, spending the money on things that you don't feel like you want to spend on.

Just shifting that small thing. When you send the check to the student loan, you're just like, "Thank you. I'm proud of myself that I can afford to do this. I'm grateful that I have an education. I'm one step closer to being financially out of debt." It's repeating these things every time. Like when you're paying for your cell phone bill or whatever, it's like, "Thank you for giving me an ability to communicate with the world. Thank you for the ability to be able to call my mom. Thank you for the ability to call my best friend when she's struggling."

It's when we create more of an emotional appreciation around these things, we can then feel emotionally safe around money and have conversations in a unique way.

Mel Robbins: I get emotional thinking about that because I'm like, just being able to call my mom on FaceTime—I don't see my family that often. But my cell phone bill, I don't know, it's probably a few hundred dollars a month that I pay automatically. And if I was paying it by itself and writing a check, I would say, "Thank you for giving me the ability to connect with the people I love the most." And looking at it that way, as opposed to, "Ah, this is freaking another cell phone bill. Oh, they gouged me on these fees. Oh man, I'm getting screwed here." The energy is not good. And so it's learning how to shift out of that stressful energy into a more healthy, peaceful energy.

Lewis Howes: Well, and what else is cool is you're clearly in control when you do that. You're in control. You may not like it or love that you're paying these bills or paying off this debt. It's not enjoyable. No, but I'm proud of the fact that I can write the check.

Mel Robbins: So is there a statement or a mantra or something that you would recommend based on all the research that you've done, the people that you've spoken to, that if somebody doesn't even know how to reset their mindset, here's something you could adopt and just start saying to yourself?

Lewis Howes: I would say, "Money is good. Money is my friend."

Mel Robbins: Oh.

Lewis Howes: "Money comes to me effortlessly."

Mel Robbins: Oh, God. But what if you're like, "But it doesn't, Lewis"?

Lewis Howes: Money is good. You have to start training yourself. "Money is good. Money is my friend. I'm not afraid of money. I feel safe with money." And you're going to be saying things that aren't true to start with. You're not going to feel these things. But you need to reinforce these things with your behaviors on a daily basis.

It took me years to have money conversations where I felt more comfortable talking about money. Years. I was not comfortable asking questions and talking about it and talking about how much I make, how much I spend, how much debt I have. It didn't feel good. But the more I practiced, the more I did it on a consistent basis, the more I felt safe around my money situation.

Mel Robbins: So what's the third step?

Lewis Howes: The third one is really about getting clear on your meaningful money mission.

Mel Robbins: What is a meaningful money mission?

Lewis Howes: There are different seasons of life. Some seasons, we just need to make money to pay the bills. But the goal is to get clear on your meaningful money mission. Because if you're just making money to make money, it still stresses you out if there's not a clear goal in mind that is bigger than making money. How is this money going to serve you? How is it going to serve your family? And how am I going to be generous with this in the future? Even if you can't think about being generous with your money now, start planning. What will I do with this money that can help others around me? Is it my friends?

Lewis Howes: Is it my family? Is it a charity that I love? Is it my community? Is it the school? Is it the church? How am I going to use this for good? That'll attach more meaning to your money mission.

So when I was getting started, my money mission was to get out of college debt, was to get off my sister's couch, was to be able to pay for my own rent, make my own money so I could pay for whatever I needed to.

Mel Robbins: People have a lack of clarity on what they want, why they want it, and where the money's gonna go. It's so true. And especially right now, I see this epidemic of people seeing things on social media. And the mission is get, get, get, get, get, get, get, spend, spend, spend, look better.

Lewis Howes: And what you're talking about is if you don't have a powerful enough why.

Mel Robbins: A hundred percent.

Lewis Howes: And a game plan. That's tied to values and then some sort of plan for what you want to achieve and why, then you're going to be rudderless.

Mel Robbins: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Or you're just going to be back in the place of like, okay, I got this money. I spent it. And now what do I do? I need to go make more money for what? So just getting clear on your money mission.

For me, I was very clear and I defined it early on. I want to impact and inspire 100 million lives every single week to improve the quality of their life. So it just became a clear mission, which also allowed me to say no to money that I didn't want. And most people say yes to any money that comes their way. And I say no to a lot of different things that don't align with the mission.

So for instance, I don't have alcohol sponsors, gambling sponsors, porn sponsors, whatever it is, they just don't align with me and my mission. So you have to know when to say no to money that isn't meant for you as well. And say yes to the money that is meant for you and your meaningful money mission.

Mel Robbins: Would you talk to the, like a 20 year old that's listening? How do you create a money mission? Because for me, when Chris and I were really, really struggling financially. My mission became safety. I want to be able to pay my bills. I was not thinking about beach houses or millions of dollars in the bank. It literally was, I want to feel like I can fall asleep at night and know that I can pay my bills.

Lewis Howes: A hundred percent. So there's a pendulum on this and I call it the priority pendulum. And on one side, it's kind of chasing your passion. Like, I'm really excited about this thing. I just want to go all in on it. But most people, if they're lucky, they can make money with their passion. It's hard sometimes. And it might take years to develop skills and tools and resources and networking to be able to make money full time with your passion.

Then the other side is like, okay, I'm just going to go the practical route. And I'm just going to get any job I can get, but there's zero fun. It's miserable. It sucks the life out of me. It's like I'm drained every day when I go home from work.

I'll tell you, when I couldn't pay my bills, that first freaking job I got, it was the best damn job I ever had because it was aligned with my mission of I got to pay bills.

Mel Robbins: A hundred percent.

Lewis Howes: And so there's a season for that as well. Okay. Like you're not going to stay in that for 20 years if it's sucking the life out of you. Or you got to learn how to make it fun. The goal is to get more towards the middle, which is kind of the meaningful mission area around money as opposed to just being practical.

And there was a time where I drove trucks. I was making $250 a week, driving a truck six hours a day. I needed to make money. I had to do what it takes to make some money. So I was in that season of more practicality. And I made the most of it, but I didn't enjoy it. Now, I wanted to go play football, but I couldn't play football at that time. That was the passion.

So I eventually got into more of the meaningful mission area of this, which is figuring out how can I align my passion with making money the best way possible and start working towards that more and more.

Again, you are a lawyer and you turned it into, but I'm also a really good communicator. I love inspiring people. of empowering people. And over time, you eventually learned how to bring that into where you are now. And when you can do that, that's a beautiful thing. But that took years and steps to happen. So that's part of the mission side of things.

Mel Robbins: You know, what's interesting is that I can see how particularly if you take the struggle around not having a money mission. And so let's just say you're in your 20s. If you're not clear at all, you're screwed.

Lewis Howes: Yes, correct.

Mel Robbins: You're screwed because you're like, what's the point of making it? I don't know. And I'm just trying, I got to keep it. I don't want to get in debt. You're stressed. So having a true mission is giving yourself the time and space to say, this is what I want my life to look like. And it can simply be, how much do I want to make this year? It can just be a goal. It doesn't have to be like this mission for the rest of your life, but it can just be like, okay, for the next three months, I'm going to take on this job to help me get out of this debt. That can be your mission for right now.

It doesn't have to be figuring out your money mission forever. Right now, I'm going to read a book about money. I'm going to talk to a financial advisor. I'm going to ask my parents about money. And I'm just going to learn a little bit in the next few months. That's my mission. It doesn't have to be, I'm going to figure out how to get out of debt forever. It's just give yourself a map and a game plan that you can take actions every single day to support you feeling more clear and safe around money.

You know what I love is I think that it feels attainable and dare I say, exciting to give yourself a three month money mission, like just write it out for yourself. What are you, what is your mission around money in the next three months? Is it to learn more? Is it to spend less? Is it to pay off one credit card? Is it to learn how to cook so that you're not spending your money going out like a mission that gives you a purpose.

And then if you also combine that Lewis with the things you just said, where every day you're like, I have a good relationship with money. I'm learning about money. You start to say things positive tied to that mission. Where I'm taking actions to mend my relationship with money. You know, I'm taking actions daily. I'm having conscious conversations to mend and heal my relationship with money.

Lewis Howes: Well, just one shift that you could make if you truly want to change your relationship with money is notice the input on social media and notice where you spend your time. How much time are you on there?

Mel Robbins: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: Are you watching content or listening to content that makes you want to spend money you don't have? Or are you actually listening and watching content that teaches you how to become better with money?

Mel Robbins: A hundred percent.

Lewis Howes: That educates you. You start educating yourself. You start getting mentors. If you're missing mentors, The School of Greatness is an extraordinary podcast. It's been around for more than a decade. I think you celebrated your 12th year anniversary this year. And some of the most successful episodes that you have done in those 12 years are with financial experts, with billionaires, with people that are wildly successful.

Mel Robbins: You know, one other thing I'm going to say is we've all had that friend who all of a sudden drops out of the social scene. And then you see them six months to a year from now and they're completely ripped. Different human being. Different human being. They've been training for a marathon. They've made this decision. I'm just out of the party scene. I'm going to get serious about my health. And you're like, what happened? And in that instance, you know, they got sick and tired of where they were.

Lewis Howes: Yes.

Mel Robbins: They said, this isn't working anymore. I have to change my story about myself. And I need to wake up every day and kind of align my actions and my time with this mission. And I think we see it with health. but it's the exact same thing with money.

Lewis Howes: I've lost so many friends over the years that really hurt me early on because I didn't understand why. But it became clear that if your friends or your friend circle, if you want to make different changes based on your friend circle's current situation and you go six months like a ghost and you just kind of focus on your goals, you take action, you never go out and you really overcome, whether it be financially or physically or whatever it might be, people aren't going to necessarily like that or appreciate it when they see you come back in six months or a year of you changing your habits and changing your mindset because you're killing off the person they once knew.

And they don't like feeling like, oh, you're doing something different. You're used to going out on the weekends. You're used to going out and drinking a beer after work on Fridays, whatever it might be. And when you want to change your vision and change your map and change your mission towards something new, you're going to have to make sacrifices. And people don't like that. They really don't.

Mel Robbins: Let them. Let them. Let them. Someone wrote a great book that helps you overcome the fear of worrying about what people think about you. Because that's one of the greatest things that holds people back is when you're worried about what your friends or family or online community is going to think about you when you change.

Lewis Howes: Well, isn't that also why we spend a lot of money we don't have? Because we want people to think a certain thing about us?

Mel Robbins: Yes.

Lewis Howes: So, Lewis, I want to ask you the question that you ask all your podcast guests. You've asked me.

Mel Robbins: Oh, man.

Lewis Howes: Now I'm going to ask you. I have to reflect on this. Imagine it's your last day on earth.

Mel Robbins: Yep.

Lewis Howes: Many, many, many years from now. You've accomplished everything you've ever dreamed of. But for whatever reason, you sold your library of content. So you have no access to it. It's all been taken down by the person that purchased it. But you get to leave behind three truths, three lessons that you want to leave with the world. What would those three things be?

Lewis Howes: I've asked this so many times I have to reflect on my answers now. The first one would be the greatest priority you should have is taking care of your health, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. because if you don't have a healthy life, it's hard to really create the life of your dreams.

The second thing would be to live in gratitude every single day for the good, the challenging, the ups and downs, because gratitude is the gateway to love and abundance.

The third thing I would say is to pursue your dreams and the calling in your heart with all your strength until that calling goes away. Never give up on your dreams and make sure you leave it all on the playing field.

Mel Robbins: What are your parting words, Lewis?

Lewis Howes: It's interesting. You know, I'll be 42 next month. And I was having a conversation with my wife, Martha, last night before I went to bed, just thinking how blessed I am, how blessed I am that she's in my life, how blessed I am that I did so much work to heal so that I could receive love and feel I'm worthy of love.

And I just truly believe that when we can take care of our heart, we can heal, we can mend the pain from our past in any way possible to know that we are love, know that we are lovable, that we are worthy and deserving of love. Just everything in my life has changed since then. And it's been a beautiful gift and blessing in my life to be in a peaceful, harmonious relationship when most of my life felt like chaos inside.

And one of the reasons why I wanted to do this book is because I didn't want people to stress. There's a lot of people who are just feeling stress and overwhelm and anxiety. from everything in life, relationships was one of the big stressors for me, intimacy. And I just want to leave people with the knowing. I am certain and know that you are lovable and you're deserving of love. And I don't want your past wounds. I don't want your money struggles to get in the way of you knowing that.

And that would be the thing that I would leave with people is trust that you will figure it out if you're willing to do the work. Don't try to do the work on your own. I had lots of mentors, therapists, guides, friends who supported me over the years, but I reached out to them constantly. I seeked the advice and the help. I didn't just say, oh, no one's helping me. And I want people to know that they are loved, that they are worthy, and that they matter.

Mel Robbins: You know what I love about what you just said, Louis, is that at the end of the day, it's really just about empowering yourself to live a great life. And I just want to thank you for everything that you shared today because taking control of your financial future and telling yourself a different story and creating different beliefs and taking the steps that lead to a different future, that helps you build a great life. So thank you.

Lewis Howes: Thank you, appreciate it.

Mel Robbins: And I also want to thank you. I want to thank you for being here and for taking the time to listen to something that is going to help you learn how to be good with money. You deserve to have a fantastic financial future and you can do everything that Lewis and I share with you today. Yes, you can. And the fact that you chose to listen to this and invest time in learning is evidence that you are going to do it. So thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing this.

And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to tell you that I love you. I love you for listening to this. I love you for investing time in learning about how to improve your life. I also believe in your ability to create a better life. And there's no doubt that what you learned today, it's gonna help you do that. Alrighty, I'll see you in a few days. I'll be waiting for you to welcome you in to the very next episode as soon as you hit play. I'll see you there.

Lewis Howes, welcome to Boston. Welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so fired up that you're here.

Lewis Howes: I'm pumped. It's freezing out, but I'm excited.

Mel Robbins: Well, at least you got to wear your coat for the first time in four years.

Lewis Howes: I did. I pulled it out of the closet and I got to bring it out, which is fun. So I'm excited.

Mel Robbins: Yeah.

Lewis Howes: You're making money easy. You're making everything easy, my friend.

Mel Robbins: Scott, you got to. Holy cow. I got to go to the bathroom.

Lewis Howes: Go to the bathroom.

Mel Robbins: Things will look and feel very different than it does today.

Lewis Howes: Oh, that's a good one. Thank you. Appreciate it.

Mel Robbins: You're welcome.

Lewis Howes: Wow. Beautiful. Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Mel Robbins: Of course. All right. Move us out. Move us out. Let's go.

[Music fades in]

Mel Robbins: Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. this is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher.