--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so awesomely excited. That's not even a word. That's how excited I am that you are here with me today. We are going to have so much fun. It is always an honor to spend time with you. And I want to acknowledge you, first of all, for choosing to listen to something that is going to help you create a better life. That is so great that you take time for yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you are a new listener, if somebody forwarded this episode to you and was like, "You got to listen to this," I want to personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am Mel Robbins, and I'm on a mission to empower and inspire you with tools and the expert resources that you need and that you deserve that are going to help you create a more meaningful life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And have you noticed the word longevity is literally everywhere? I mean, it's like every time you turn around, people are talking about longevity, longevity, longevity. And if I stop and think about the word longevity, it's not just about living a long time. It's about living a life where you are connected to people that you love, where you're healthy enough so that you can keep doing the things that you love.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I mean, I personally do not want to slow down. I don't want to become one of these statistics where you are isolated and alone and you're disconnected from everybody. I don't want to be living a life where I can't pick up my own suitcase and put it in the car because I want to be going on trips. I know you do too. I know you want to live a long life and to feel energized. You want to laugh. You want to be surrounded by friends and family all the way to the end, right? Of course you do. You want to be connected to your loved ones. You want to travel around the world and maybe even be more active than you've ever been because you're not working.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so when you think about that vision for yourself and longevity, don't you want to learn the secrets from someone who's living their life that way? Well, today, holy cow, I have a very special and unique person to introduce you to. And it took me a long time to get on her calendar because the woman is so busy. So let me tell you a little bit about her.
--:-- Mel Robbins: From skydiving, to getting a tattoo, to traveling the world, to rocking bikinis, dabbling in psychedelic guided therapy, walking a minimum of 10,000 steps a day. These are just some of the things in the day of a life of the woman that you're about to meet. And I'm talking about my 86-year-old mother-in-law, Judy Robbins.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And one of the things that I find so inspiring about Judy is that she became a widow at the age of 67 when her husband of 40 years died of esophageal cancer. And I have watched her completely create a whole new life for herself over these last 19 years. And she is without a doubt the most happy, alive, well-connected person that I know. And she's got a busier life than any 25, 35, 45, or 56-year-old woman like me that I know.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And today, Judy is here sharing every single one of her secrets for longevity, and more importantly, how you can create a long and happy life that you actually enjoy. And after listening to today's episode, you're not going to be afraid of aging. You'll embrace the opportunity, and you'll learn the crucial life lessons that people learn too late.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and today you and I are spending time with one of the smallest, bad-assest women I know. I know, again, another word that doesn't really make sense, but you know what I mean. I'm talking about the pint-sized powerhouse, my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. Now, she clocks in at four foot 11, and that's with heels. She is smart. She's entertaining. She's loving. She's fun. And she's almost 87 years old. But she's not even close to being done with life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: In fact, Judy does more before 10 a.m. most mornings than I do. And today she's back on the podcast taking your questions, because when she was here about a year ago, you almost broke the internet with the amount of questions that you sent in. You wanted more from Judy. And so I got a stack of them right here. I have no idea what she is about to say, which is part of the fun.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So pull up a chair because I invite you to join this deeply fun and profound conversation with me and my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. And I have no doubt you are going to love her as much as I do. So please join me in welcoming back the one and only Judy Robbins.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm so glad you're back.
--:-- Judy Robbins: It's good to be back, Mel.
--:-- Mel Robbins: We have so many questions from listeners around the world from your last appearance on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Oh, I mean, you have been a fan favorite. Does that surprise you?
--:-- Judy Robbins: It does. Yes, it does.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm not surprised. And here's why. It's one thing to hear the research and the strategies and the recommendations from a medical doctor or somebody who researches it. It's another thing to hear the secrets of an 86, 86? 86-year-old woman.
--:-- Judy Robbins: 87 in September.
--:-- Mel Robbins: 87-year-old woman who is scaling mountains and jumping out of airplanes and wearing bikinis and exercising every day, having a glass of wine, laughing your way through life. And you just have this remarkable attitude. And so you are an expert in longevity with lived experience and you're demonstrating something that people want. And so we got so many questions as a follow up to our conversation about your secret to life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And where I want to go is just dive into some specific things about your daily routine, exercising, the fact that you're so mobile and strong. And a lot of people want to know, you're 86, soon to be 87. When did you start working out? How old were you?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I started running, I think, when I was about 33, 34.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Why did you start running at 33?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Because my husband was running.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, you're trying to keep up with him?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah. Hardly, since he's 6'2". But he decided to start running for whatever reason. I think running was becoming kind of the thing to do. You probably don't remember way back, Jim Fix?
--:-- Mel Robbins: No idea who that is.
--:-- Judy Robbins: No. Well, he was like the first runner. And it just became kind of the thing to do, I guess.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha. So that would be well over 50 years ago.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So we're talking the early 70s, if I'm doing my math right?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So in the early 70s, you were in your mid-30s, you started working out. And also people, and then were you just consistently working out all the time once you started running?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, it's interesting because I have the same pattern today that I did back then in that Ken and I had these books on tape, which you could order them from this company. And they came in a box, a whole book, and they were the cassettes. And we would put the cassette and I would listen to history and things that I wasn't going to read.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Judy Robbins: But then when I started to get into books like, you know, novels and things, I wanted to get up every morning so I could listen to the next chapter.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, that's a good little hack. And so you said you still do the same thing over 50 years later. What does that mean?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I listen to a book every time I walk and I also read a book. So I always have two books going.
--:-- Mel Robbins: A lot of listeners around the world want to know, now that you're 86, what's your exact routine when it comes to exercising your body?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, well, I walk every day, four miles anyhow.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And how do you know it's four miles?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Because I look at my Apple Watch.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha. And does it have to be four miles?
--:-- Judy Robbins: No, it can be five, but it can't be less.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love that you said, "No, it can be more, but it can't be less." No. Why can't it be less than four miles a day?
--:-- Judy Robbins: And then I get guilt, you know, then I have to walk someplace else to make it up to be that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. So for sure, you are out there walking four miles a day.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And then I try and do yoga at least once, maybe twice, because I think it's really important if you're a walker or a runner to do something like yoga.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And you mean once or twice a week?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. So once or twice a week, you're going to a workout class. And then every single day, you try to get four miles in.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Do you ever work out with friends?
--:-- Judy Robbins: No, not really. I mean, I'll walk with friends. Yeah, definitely. If somebody wants to take a walk, I'll walk.
--:-- Judy Robbins: As long as they walk as far as I do.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. And do you find in your 80s that you have a lot of friends that will walk four miles with you or not really?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I think one of the perks that I have is that I have a lot of younger friends. So I would say most of my friends are in their 70s.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love that you're saying "my younger friends in their 70s."
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I have you. Yes. And I have my grandchildren. Yes. But I mean, my friends, you know, that I hang out with are probably in their 70s. I don't have any friends my age who are walking.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Got it. And the friends your age, were they not walking back in their 70s either?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I don't think so. I mean, I think that's the whole thing about exercise. There's so many people my age, men and women, men in particular, where I will encourage them to exercise. And, you know, if they haven't been doing it, they're not going to start now. I mean, like their attitude is why? Yeah. I'm fine without. So why would I start?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, what would you say to somebody who is older and who has never made it part of their daily routine to get outside and even just get in a couple mile walk? What would you say to them when they're like, "Yeah, why?"
--:-- Judy Robbins: Because first of all, you aren't as tired. So I would say that would be the impetus more than anything else that gives you more energy. I mean, no doubt about it. We all want to take a snooze, you know, like at 3:30, 4 o'clock in the afternoon if we can. But I think overall, it creates energy rather than dissipates. And I think that older people think that if I'm going to do that, I'm going to be more tired. Do you know what I mean? You know, it's not. It's the opposite.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I think that's a great point because you're right. If you have never made it part of your routine to just get out, take a walk a couple miles, you do think it takes a lot of energy and it's going to drain you. But you're right. It's the exact opposite.
--:-- Judy Robbins: No, because your endorphins, you're building on your endorphins. When you come home from a walk, you don't want to put your feet up and take a nap. That's true. You want to do something, you know.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love this wisdom because I've known you now for 30 years. And, you know, I've always thought about you as somebody who is the most energetic person in the world. And you have always gone out for four mile, not less walk. Every day since I've ever met you, rain, shine. You'll put on a little snowsuit with little spiky things on your shoes and go marching out into the Vermont winter.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I'd always heard people kind of refer to you almost like a little energizer bunny. And I think a lot of times people have given like they've given credit to the fact that you are a petite person. But I think it's because you've prioritized making this get outside, get your body moving and go for a walk every day for decades as a source of your energy.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I think also in fairness, when you start anything, it becomes a habit. I don't care whether it's having one or two glasses of wine at night or whether it's getting up in the morning and running. It becomes a habit. And you miss it if you don't do it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's true. And I love that there's a couple tips already, which is get an audio book because it will help you want to get out the door and listen to it.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Definitely.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And only listen to it when you're walking. That way it's that motivator. You know, people do say, Judy, how do you stay motivated? Do you think, do you even need motivation at this point?
--:-- Judy Robbins: You mean motivation to exercise or motivation?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, motivation to exercise.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah, I do. I mean, I think that probably I'll fall apart if I don't. So it's sort of a negative consequence. I don't want to be tired and low energy, so I better get my rear end out there and march so I have energy for today.
--:-- Mel Robbins: A lot of listeners, Judy, are curious. What do you eat? Can you walk us through what do you have for breakfast? Then what do you have for lunch? And then what do you have for dinner? And just to put it in perspective, if you didn't know, what are you, 4'11"? How tall are you?
--:-- Judy Robbins: 4'11".
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, so she's a very petite person. And I want you to just put that in context. So what do you typically have for breakfast?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I hate to say this since you've already told everybody that you shouldn't have your cup of coffee for 90 minutes. Guess what? I do.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I get up in the morning and turn on my sauna and I get back in bed and I have a cup of coffee.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wonderful.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I'm really not a breakfast eater.
--:-- Judy Robbins: So I'm not really hungry. I mean, after I've had my vitamin C, then I will exercise. When I come back, then I'll have a smoothie.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, and everybody's going to want to know, what is in Judy Robbins smoothie?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Okay. I put in ice, metrics, a whole package of metrics.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So meaning the protein brand metrics?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Is there a flavor you like?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Vanilla.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, vanilla metrics. I love that you're taking a bodybuilder protein mix and pouring it in as an 86, soon to be 87 woman.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I didn't know it was. Is that what it is?
--:-- Mel Robbins: I think so.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I've been taking metrics for years.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. So you have a protein smoothie. What do you put in there?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Kale.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And if I can, sprouts.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I love sprouts. And I can get them fresh when I'm in Florida, which is great. And then blueberries and strawberries.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And coconut water.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Then you blend that sucker up. All right, great. So then what do you have for lunch?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I graze.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Wait a minute. This is not that healthy. Okay. What do you mean you graze?
--:-- Judy Robbins: You know, if I have some chicken salad, I take it out.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So are you like a stand up in front of the fridge with a fork in it?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Same. I like that too. I am not a sit down, have lunch.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Yeah. Like John.
--:-- Mel Robbins: John would be her boyfriend, everybody. Always breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yes. I am not like that. And he puts a napkin on his lap.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That is, John is a very proper, well-mannered, well-read, wonderful human being. But I can see that. Three squares, no matter what. What's three squares mean? You've never heard that expression?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Three square meals.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, three square meals.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. That's not me.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, that's why you guys are such a great couple, because Judy's standing there in her jogging shorts and her Hokas, shoveling chicken salad in her mouth while John has a napkin on his lap and a collared shirt. And he's sitting there eating a sandwich off a piece of China plate.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, I have one other thing to add.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Tell me.
--:-- Mel Robbins: With my smoothies, I always have at least four ginger snaps.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Ginger snaps. Like cookies?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: This is not a health episode, everybody. Nabisco ginger snaps.
--:-- Judy Robbins: What?
--:-- Mel Robbins: My brother is the same way. Every morning he has a metric smoothie and we are addicted to ginger snaps. I don't know where it started, obviously, in our youth.
--:-- Judy Robbins: What, four?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, sometimes more.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, my God. You're so funny. See, this is why you enjoy your life.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, yeah. I mean, why not?
--:-- Judy Robbins: That's true.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's true. Judy, I freaking love you. And we got to take a short break. But when we come back, we're going to keep talking about how to enjoy life, even if you haven't reached the age of 86. And we're also going to talk about how you stay connected to your friends and why exactly. Got a lot of questions about this one. You decided to try skydiving and bungee jumping at the age of 80.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now, I can't wait for you to hear Judy tell you the story, but I also know you're thinking about somebody in your life that you hope Judy's going to inspire maybe to get active or take that walk. So make sure you share this with them. And don't you dare go anywhere because that pint-sized powerhouse of motivation, Judy Robbins, is just getting wound up. And boy, when she gets going, there's no stopping her. Stay with us.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. And you and I are here today with my 86-year-old mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. And we are talking about exercising and eating. And Judy, I have to say, you have always enjoyed yourself. And as you're listening to her, can't you really pick up on that? Like she's giggling through this whole thing and laughing at herself and having fun.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I think it's a really important thing in life that we often overlook. Because we get into these zones, I think, especially when you're, you know, your grandkids age. And then I think about myself and I'm in my 50s and Sawyer's in her mid-20s. We're always like onto the next exercise and doing the fast and doing this thing. And you've always just enjoyed yourself. I think that's a really important thing. Like since I've known you, at least in terms of you're never on some weird ass diet or like restricting yourself in any way. At least it doesn't seem like it.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, when I, you know, I get these guilt things because you guys all do these restrictions. Christopher does, you know, 75 hard. And I said to Christopher, "Maybe I should stop drinking." And Christopher says, "Well, at 86, I wouldn't stop drinking."
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, guess what? I won't. I've already chilled the wine for tonight, Jude. What do you have for dinner?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I usually have chicken or fish.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I'm not much of a meat eater.
--:-- Mel Robbins: How come?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Gives you gas? No. I just, more and more when I wasn't eating meat, I started to think about the animals, I guess. And if I go to your house for dinner and you serve meat, I will eat it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Judy Robbins: But I won't order it at a restaurant and I prefer not to cook it.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Every now and then I will.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What about dessert? What's your feelings on dessert?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I like cookies.
--:-- Judy Robbins: So I'll have a cookie.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You've established that.
--:-- Judy Robbins: A different kind of cookie, maybe. But most of the time I don't eat much dessert.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha. And you also don't eat a ton of food. So, you know what I mean? But you eat healthy, like you...
--:-- Judy Robbins: In all fairness, when you get to be older...
--:-- Judy Robbins: You're just not that hungry.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, is that something that happens?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Really?
--:-- Judy Robbins: And I'm sure that the people that are listening to this have parents and they'll notice that they're just, they're not eating like they used to. And it isn't because they're worried about their weight or anything. It's just you don't have that. I mean, when John and I go out to dinner, we'll often split a main course rather than each have one because we realize that we don't finish it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah. So other than eating four ginger snaps with your smoothie, do you have other health secrets? So we've covered that walking every single day is an absolute must. So is a yoga class or Pilates class a couple times a week. What about water? How much water do you drink?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Not enough.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What? Judy is the anti-health expert. You want to live a long life? Drink a lot? Don't drink a lot of water. Start with coffee. Skip breakfast. Go for a walk. Have some ginger snacks with your snooze smoothie.
--:-- Judy Robbins: You know, the one thing I do do, I do have kombucha.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Apple cider vinegar.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And a fresh orange.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha. So I think to myself, you know, that's liquid.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, it's also sort of like nature's Drano. So when you have, you know, what is commonly referred to as farmer's switchel, which my grandmother also drank. Grandma Eileen also started every single day on the farm with warm water, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, and a little bit of honey. And I, honest to God, man, she went out kicking and screaming, like close to 100 years old, tough as nails. Maybe the secret is in that apple cider vinegar. They say it cures everything, including toe fungus. Do you have toe fungus? Like, should we be worried about this?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Awesome. So what would you say to someone who's listening or who has forwarded this to their loved one who's getting a little older? So they're listening at the recommendation maybe of their daughter or their son or somebody who cares about them. They haven't been as active as you have. They feel inspired. How would you recommend that they start if they don't know where or what to start with to get active again, even though they're a little older?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I think it depends on if they're a social person.
--:-- Judy Robbins: If they like to be with people, they can always find a gym class.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And I would, you know, if they like to be with people and they've never done anything, find a gym class and go to it. Be with other people and see what they're doing, whether it's yoga or whether it's a yoga bar or something.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And if you're more sedentary or happy with yourself, then just go out and take a walk, you know, on a beautiful day. If it's raining, then don't.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, you're one of the most social people I know, and you seem to have fun wherever you go. How do you keep such an active social life?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, it's important that you reach out because you can't sit home and wait for people to call you. And I really learned that from you. After Ken died and I went to Florida and I had nothing on my calendar, you said to me, "Well, before you go to Florida, make sure you call somebody so you have something on your calendar." And that was such good advice, Mel.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And so I stay active. If somebody doesn't call me or I want to have a dinner party and nothing's going on, then I create a dinner party. And, you know, more and more as you read about longevity, it used to be the Mediterranean diet, exercise. But now, the more I read, social is becoming first. Then comes the diet and the exercise. Because I think being lonely or being by yourself causes depression. And it also, you start to doubt yourself.
--:-- Judy Robbins: When you're around people, you get built up. People tell you you look attractive or they want to be with you. And so you feel good about yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, it's interesting. You have always made an effort. How long have you been a widow?
--:-- Judy Robbins: 18, 19 years.
--:-- Mel Robbins: 19 years? This year? Ken's been gone 19 years? Is that right? 20, 2006? Holy kate. That close, I mean, that's incredible.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I know.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I remember that you always made an effort and always kept up and always reached out and always were planning things. And, you know, that advice that I gave you about putting something in the calendar was just this thing that I've always felt, which is when I look at a blank calendar, I feel like a loser. I start to spiral, as you said. I start to panic like I don't have anything to do. And then I start to feel like everybody's got plans but me. And so making an effort to have something in the calendar that you can look forward to, even if it's two weeks from now, like helps you from that spiral.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But you recently moved to a community where there's a lot of programming and it's more of a retirement community. What has been the difference that you've seen in putting yourself in a community where the whole point of it is to be with people that are retired and that are older and to be in a community where there's stuff going on?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, first of all, you know, as my grandchildren call me, it's a FOMO.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yes, you're a FOMO.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And I am a FOMO. And when my friends started moving to this community, yeah, I mean, I after a dinner party with one of my friends and she said she was going, I woke up the next morning, I said, "I'm coming."
--:-- Mel Robbins: Well, I think a lot of people look at those retirement communities and are like, "Oh, I don't want to know. Oh, don't put me in one of those." And I watched my grandmother when my grandfather died move into one and all of a sudden it was like retirement camp. I couldn't believe how busy she was, how happy she was. So what have you noticed as somebody who was actually already crazy busy?
--:-- Judy Robbins: First of all, there's so much to choose from to do physically. I mean, they have pickleball on grass. Now, is that brilliant? Why don't more people have pickleball on grass? But anyway, it's also a great feeling of security because I have a lot of friends that live around me and I've met people when I moved in the second day. I had orchids that were delivered from, you know, across the street. She walked across the street. "Hi, my name is Mary Hayden, blah, blah, blah." If I didn't come out of my house for four or five hours, somebody would come and check on me.
--:-- Judy Robbins: That's how it feels.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Living here now in your house?
--:-- Mel Robbins: On 25 acres? Where you used to live.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Where I used to live. I mean, I could have been here for days. And where I used to live in Florida, even though I lived in a community.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Everybody did their own business. You know, I could have been flat out for a couple of days and no one would have known the difference.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Judy Robbins: It's very different when you're in a community like I'm in now.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love you so much, Judy. And you're just dropping the wisdom. I knew you would. I'm so glad you're here. And I'm not even halfway through the stack of questions that people sent in. So we're going to take a short break so we can hear a word from our sponsors, but please stay with us. There is so much more that we're going to cover, and I know you're going to love it. So we'll be waiting for you after a short break. Stay with us.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins, and you and I are here today with Judy Robbins, my 86-year-old mother-in-law. She's giving us so much amazing wisdom about living a long and healthy and energized life. So, Judy, let's talk about friendship. What advice do you have for keeping friendship so strong?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Reaching out to them. And I do think that the older you get, the more you realize the people you really want to be with. So you don't feel compelled if, you know, Mary invites you for dinner and Mary's okay, but she's not one of your favorites.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Right.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I used to say, "Okay, sure, I'll come." Now I don't.
--:-- Mel Robbins: How come?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Because I don't want to feel that I have to have Mary back to my house.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I mean, I have some wonderful friends and those are the people I want to spend the most time with. And I have a lot of friends.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So are you saying that the older that you get, if you can not fill your calendar with the obligatory things but take that same time and be intentional about picking up the phone and calling people whether it's family or people that you really, really love hanging out with, that's going to keep them strong?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I mean, I used to have dinner parties all the time for eight, 10 people. Now six is like the perfect number.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Why is six people over the perfect number?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Because six really talk to each other all together. You know, you don't have two people talking over here and two over here. So by the end of the evening, you really feel so satisfied because you've really been with these people.
--:-- Mel Robbins: It's true. It's true. So you've had a lot of adventure in your life. And I think there's a lot of questions that people have about it. Can you talk about what you did after your husband, Ken, died? Because I think this is advice that is relevant, not only when you lose somebody that you love, but also if you go through a divorce or you have some major change that happens in your life that makes you start to wonder who you are or what your next chapter is going to be.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So why don't you tell everybody what you did and how it changed your life after Ken died?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, the first thing I did was I rented an apartment for three months in New York.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, my God.
--:-- Judy Robbins: It was so lonely because you realize that when you're in New York City and everybody's going one place or another and you have no place to go. So I signed up for art classes at the Art Students League.
--:-- Judy Robbins: So I had a reason to go someplace and come home or go to the movies. And then I took myself on a bike trip to New Zealand.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You know, one way that you've stayed active, Jude, is you plan these trips, like bike trips with guides and with friends, like through your 70s and 80s.
--:-- Judy Robbins: You just have to make yourself be around other people. You can't stay home and feel sorry for yourself because nobody else is feeling sorry for you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Can you tell us a little bit about why, especially after Ken died, you started spending your winters in Cambodia and volunteering there?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I went there on a bike trip.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, but this is where it gets interesting. You decide that the next year you're going to go back to Cambodia. And you created an experience on your own where you reached out to an elementary school and you arranged to become a tutor to teach English to elementary school students.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yes. And I just said, you know, "I'm going to come back and teach English." Even though I wasn't a teacher, I knew how to talk. And the other thing that I learned and asked was how to make a fool out of yourself. If you can make a fool out of yourself, you can teach English, even though you've never been a teacher.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And then you reached out to this NGO, Cambodian Living Arts, to say you'd like to get involved. And you get on a plane and you fly to Cambodia and you're in your late 70s and you've never done anything like this before and you're going to live there. What was it like to land in a foreign country knowing you were going to live there? Because everybody that knew you was like, "You're crazy. What if something happens? What if you have a heart attack? You're going to be halfway across the world. You're going to do this on your own. How is this going to work?"
--:-- Mel Robbins: I mean, were you ever scared? Like, did you land and go, "What the hell am I doing?"
--:-- Judy Robbins: I don't think I was scared. I think I was excited. I love adventure. I love new things. And I mean, what else was I going to do?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Stay at home, hang around. I mean, do the same thing. It's just this was something different and new. And it wasn't real hardship. I mean, I was staying in a hotel. It's not like I was camping out in the streets.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's true.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, but I just want to say that it took some balls to do something like that.
--:-- Judy Robbins: It did.
--:-- Mel Robbins: It takes a lot to get on a plane and fly halfway around the world and just go, I'm going to go live in Cambodia for three months and I'm going to create my own volunteer program. And I'm going to just do that and not really know anybody. And I'm going to figure it out. And the next thing you know, you have a whole community there.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, you know, it's so interesting that you ask this question because actually I put this down in a journal the other day. I think I had a very difficult childhood. And it gave me courage that I would not have had if my childhood had been all roses. So I only went two years to college and there wasn't any money to send me beyond that. And I even, when I was writing my journal, I questioned how I did it. I just moved into Chicago at age 19 and got a job at American Airlines answering phones. And then after I was there for a while, I went upstairs and interviewed to the number one advertising agency at the time and got a job as a receptionist. And then when I was there, I decided I'd go to secretarial school. And then after a year there, I decided to move to San Francisco. So, you know, when I was in high school, they had only boy cheerleaders for 100 years. I decided we should have girls. I somehow got the petition going and created, and we had girl cheerleaders. And from then on, New Trier High School has had girl cheerleaders. So I've always been pushing myself into something that's a little scary.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love that. I think we all need a little of that. Push. Just a little push.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah, a little JJ go-getter.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah. What's your message to someone who's really lonely and lost, especially after they've suddenly lost somebody that they love?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, first of all, they should reach out to their closest friends if they can, if you can volunteer. I think volunteering is probably one of the more gratifying things that you can do. You won't be alone. And you are going to be with people that probably aren't as well off as you. So you come away saying, you know, things aren't so bad. Look at who I just was with in hospice. She's not even going to be around in another year. So I think volunteering, if it's little kids or if it's hospice or anything that you can do to take yourself out of yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Incredible. You went skydiving for the first time at the age of 80. How did that happen?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I don't know. I can't remember. One of the boys, was it Christopher?
--:-- Mel Robbins: So FOMO. You're basically saying one of your sons was going to skydive and you're like, I'm in.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, I know. It's because when I was in New Zealand on that bike trip, Heath had bungee jumped. And so I decided that if he's going to bungee jump, I'm going to bungee jump.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You're insane. Okay. So I don't know. Did you like bungee jumping?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, I loved it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You did?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, yeah. It was so great.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What was so great about it?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, it's kind of scary when you really decide to go, you know, and then they start counting and you take off. But I like things that kind of scare me. I don't like things that make me dizzy. But I kind of like scary things.
--:-- Mel Robbins: You got your first tattoo at 85. Can you tell us the story and what did you get?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah, that's a nice story. So my really, really close friend in Florida was dying last March. And so I went and saw her because I was I knew I wasn't going to see her again because I was leaving and I said to Diana, I said, Diana, do you believe in life after death? She said, oh yeah. I said, really? What do you believe in? She said, oh, I'm going to be a star. And I thought that is the most brilliant thing I've ever heard. I mean, I'm not particularly religious. We all wonder what's going to happen. And I thought, it makes so much sense that we're all going to be stars. That's why there's billions of stars. And then, of course, I took it a step further. I thought, well, if I'm a star, I can go and visit my husband. I can see my parents. I can move around. Right. Shooting star. So I said to Sawyer, I said to Sawyer, yeah, I said to Sawyer. Who's my daughter and your granddaughter. I said, you know, I'm not one into tattoos, but I think I'm going to get a little tattoo with a star. And Sawyer said, well, then I'm going to get one. And then we were like, well, then we're going to get one. And then Kendall wanted one. And next thing, your whole family said, well, we're all going to get one. So I got one and I have a little one on my, it's very small. I mean, you really have to look for it, but it's there. And it's basically a picture of a planet and it has three stars and it has one is my husband, So Diana's at the top, and the last one is John, who I'm with now, who will be the last star.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, that's beautiful. You did a psychedelic journey in a therapeutic setting with me and my husband, or your son, Chris, my husband, and Sawyer and Kendall at the age of 85. What did you learn from that MDMA-guided journey?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I learned, first of all, that my granddaughters loved me so much that that was pretty amazing. I think, I mean, they say it's a love drug, which I didn't even realize. But, wow. I mean, I really felt it. It was probably the most, it's the word reinforcing of who I was and that, you know, I'm not alone and that I'm very much loved.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What are some of your top life lessons that you've learned in 86 years?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I think I've learned a lot more as I got older. Because I've always been energetic, but I think I've always kind of wanted to be the center of attention. And now at my age, and I think I probably started this a couple of years ago, I'm much more patient. I'm much more interested in listening to what somebody else has to say, whereas before I would barely let you finish whatever your subject was before I had something to tell you about me. So tell me what was the question again?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Some of the life lessons you've learned in your 86 years.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I think listening is probably one of the most incredible things that if you can learn to listen to other people and listen to yourself, that you'll be content.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And now that you're 86 years old, what have you stopped caring about?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I still care about what I look like. I mean, I don't go to the grocery store without makeup on.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Really?
--:-- Judy Robbins: No. I mean, I don't put eyeliner on or anything like that, but I do put, I go for a walk, and the stuff that I put on my face, you know, has sunblock and it has color in it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. What do you put on your face? Everyone's going to want to know.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, it's called CC. I have no idea. CC. It's the letter CC. You can get it at Ulta.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And it has 50 in it.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And you just put it on. It has color in it. You can get all different colors.
--:-- Judy Robbins: And right away, you don't look like, you know what.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Okay, so you haven't stopped caring what you look like.
--:-- Judy Robbins: No, I haven't.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I mean, it's a good thing because you take care of yourself.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I do.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But what else have you, what have you stopped caring about now that you're 86 that maybe you really cared about when you were young?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I really don't care what people think about me. And I think that for years and years and years and years, it was very important what people thought about me. And I probably went overboard to get people to have good thoughts about me or like me. When I was little, I was an incredible liar. And I think I lied because I had these wonderful tales. And I think that if I told them, they would like me better. And now I've created who I am. And, you know, the package is done and wrapped up.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Do you remember like a moment or some, because I know nobody wants to worry about what other people think about them. And yet it's a hard thing to teach yourself to really care more about what you think of yourself than what other people think of you. Is there any advice that you have about how somebody who is in that stage of people pleasing or lying or feeling really insecure about who they are, how they could really learn how to care more about how they feel about themselves?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah. They could listen to some of your podcasts.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, Judy.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I'm serious. It would help. I serious Or some of your books I mean read some of these books about yourself or how to make yourself a better person
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, that's true.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Because when you start to prioritize your health and you start to give back to other people and you start to really spend time doing some of the things that you've always thought about doing, whether it's taking a painting class or taking up a journaling practice or seeing yourself getting out and walking every day, you do become proud of yourself. And when you're so busy trying to impress other people, I think deep down, you're not really proud of yourself. And so that's one way that you can stop caring so much about other people is really do invest the time in bettering yourself and your health and learning more and giving back. And you'll start to notice you're proud of yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: For sure. Sure. You know, what do you wish you knew when you were younger that you know now?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Oh, I certainly wish that I had concentrated about learning in school. I never cared about learning. I just cared about having a good time. All through grammar school, high school, right through college. And now I think that's why I read so much because I never did when I was young and it's just it's such wasted time I mean I went to such a good high school and all I did was have a good time
--:-- Mel Robbins: What is your biggest regret now that you're 86?
--:-- Judy Robbins: That's probably it is not learning all the things that I I mean I'm very street smart
--:-- Mel Robbins: Definitely
--:-- Judy Robbins: But I'm not book smart.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I think that's a story you tell yourself. You are one of the most well-read people I know.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I know, but...
--:-- Mel Robbins: You tell this story that you're not, that you're not like street smart, book smart. I think you're very smart. I wish you would change that story.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I know. Well, I know other people have said that too, but I live in my own shell, so. I know what I know and what I don't know.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Well, you're very humble in that regard. But you are one of the most well-read people I know. You forward me more New York Times articles than the New York Times does to read. So yes, you are very well-read. Could you speak directly to the person who's listening to you right now? And, you know, maybe they feel like the best days of their life are behind them. What would you say to them?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I would say that when you wake up in the morning, you say to yourself I am so grateful that my eyes opened and that I can swallow and I can get out of bed brush my teeth and start a day how lucky am I I don't care whether you have to reach for a cane or a walker or anything the fact that you have the privilege to still be alive I am very, very grateful for that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And how about somebody who feels like they're really behind in life? You know, you've got three sons and they've been in various stages in their careers and you've got, you know, all these grandkids. And so you've seen not only in your own life, but you've seen in the lives of family members and people that you care about that people can start to feel like, you know, I'm not as successful as I should be or I'm not my marriages or whatever it may be. I'm not where I should be. What's your advice when you see somebody who feels behind in life?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I would start probably looking at books about how to better yourself. Emotionally, you know, not necessarily you don't have to learn another language or anything like that. But there's so much out there that you can learn by just reading about little things that you can tweak about yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So there are going to be so many listeners around the world, Judy, that not only fall in love with you, but are now like thinking about their grandparents or their parents, right? And I know they are going to forward this episode as a little nudge, like, come on now, you could have more energy. I really want you to feel more connected. You know, I'm worried about you being so lonely. Maybe you should volunteer. They're going to be kind of wanting to prod them along a little bit. What advice would you have for someone who wants to really inspire their loved ones to find more energy and meaning in their life, even into their 80s, 90s, and 100?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, I think if they could encourage their parents or their grandparents, they could say something like, you know, why don't we take a walk together? Rather than, oh, you know, young people tend to want to tell their parents or their grandparents to do this, do that, do that. But how about saying, you know what, let's do this together. You know, if you don't live close by, get on a plane or drive there. You want to take a walk around the block? You want to take a walk? Don't always make it up to them to have to do it all by themselves.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I think that's amazing. So one of my best friends, Jodi, moved from Santa Barbara back home to Michigan.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yeah.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And she part of the impetus was just kind of no feeling like I don't know how much time I'm going to have with them and going I want to be there and go on the walk with them and I want to and I love that thing like don't give them the advice sign up for the class with them and she and her dad she was just explaining this the other night she was like I said what are you doing this week she said, well, I found a opportunity to judge a bass fishing competition. So I signed my dad and I up and we're going to go. And I have no idea how to judge a bass fishing competition, but he's so excited. And I thought, what a beautiful thing that you weren't just prodding him to do something, that you found something and that you are doing it with him. So many people write in and say they wish their life was more purposeful. How have you found a sense of purpose in your life now that you're 86?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Just staying connected. You know, or, you know, I think that so many people think, you know, I should have a hobby. I think that's a full of, you don't have to have a hobby. You just have to have a reason why you want to get up. And that reason is that you're so lucky that you can, that you know you can do something. I mean, I just called my best friend from high school, who I haven't spoken to in, my God, I don't know when, just to see if she's alive because she's the same age as I am.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Was she?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yes, but not in great mind, I don't think.
--:-- Mel Robbins: In terms of Alzheimer's or dementia?
--:-- Judy Robbins: I don't know. I think so. I mean, she usually would ask me about myself or my kids, and it was a little flat. A little like, I just as soon get off the phone.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Gotcha.
--:-- Judy Robbins: But I'm glad I called her. And then after that, last week, I just called another friend. And I did connect with her so that I could find out, you know, high school was, you know, we graduated in 1955.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Wow. So you make an effort, like you literally, it sounds like there's two things. First of all, you practice this profound sense of gratitude that you even woke up. And the second thing is you make it a point to reach out to people every day, that that connection, whether it is reciprocated or not, is something that gives your life meaning.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Yes. And I think what's really important is don't expect to have a feedback like we have this chain called the Robbins Gang. And I send out, you know, it's a family. It's a multi-generational family group chat that everybody's on, that Judy created. And so I'll send out, you know, a picture, which I just did last week. Literally two people will heart it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, maybe.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Maybe no one. There's 18 of us on there. I get nothing. And so, you know, maybe I'll send it out again and I still don't get anything. Well, I don't harbor. I don't think like, oh, my God, they don't love me or they're not. They're busy. But at least I'm making them aware that I'm still around.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I think that's a really important part because it is so easy to put something out, whether it's I always invite or I always call or I'm always the one putting something in the family group chat and nobody's reciprocating. It's very, very easy to start to get resentful.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Sure.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And to then pull back. You don't do that.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Well, everybody's busy. I know that. It's my way of saying, don't forget about me. I'm still around.
--:-- Mel Robbins: It is amazing. It's not so easy to do. If the person listening, Jude, takes just one action based on everything that you spoke about today, what do you think the most important thing to do is? Is it the ginger snaps with the smoothie?
--:-- Judy Robbins: The most important.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah, they only take because everybody's busy and they're going to listen and really laugh with you and forward this to somebody that they love to inspire them to start walking or connecting or feeling more grateful or realizing that the best days aren't behind you because the days are what you make of them. And the people that you care about are still there. And there are people that you know that are still there and you can reach out. And so there's a lot that you've given people to think about, whether it's jumping out of airplanes or getting a tattoo or, you know, your just philosophy of staying active and why even reading and walking every day gives more energy to your life. So there's a lot. And I love to have the person listening know what you think the singular most important thing is. Like, they're not going to remember everything. So what's the most important thing in your mind if they were only to follow one piece of your advice that would make the biggest difference?
--:-- Judy Robbins: To reach out to your friends, to stay connected. Stay connected so you don't feel alone. That would be the most important. Because loneliness will just bring you down and that brings sickness, taking meds that you probably don't even need. One thing leads to another. If you stay connected, if you have a problem, pick up the phone and be honest with your friend. If you cry, cry. Say, you know, I'm lonely. Can I come over and see you? So, you know, we don't have a lot of time in this world. So I think you reach for the golden ring when you can still see it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, that's beautiful. What are your parting words?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Stay in love. Stay in love.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What does that mean?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Just love your being. Love yourself. Love your friends. Love your life. You just never know when it's going to end. And believe me, when you get to be my age, you think a lot more about the fact that you have a lot of friends who aren't here anymore.
--:-- Mel Robbins: No wonder you're the most popular expert we have on the Mel Robbins podcast. Thank you, Mel.
--:-- Judy Robbins: No, thank you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I love you. You are such a gift to all of us. But to me in particular, I just love you so much.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I love you. And I love your podcast.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Thank you. And for you being here with us, I also just want to say I love you, too. And I believe in you. And I bet Judy does, too.
--:-- Judy Robbins: I do.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I believe in your ability to create a better life. Now, you listen to this 86-year-old and go do it. Get your rear end out for a walk and then call your friends. You can thank us later. I'll talk to you a few days.
--:-- [Sound of a door opening or someone approaching]
--:-- Mel Robbins: I don't feel that same level of guilt when we're here at home, only because we buy from a local farmer down the road. And so I feel...
--:-- Judy Robbins: Still an animal.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. So you don't feel bad for the chickens, Judy?
--:-- Judy Robbins: No, I don't. Now you're like guilt tripping me on the cows? Wow.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay. Is that dad telling us dinner's ready?
--:-- Judy Robbins: He's downstairs.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Yeah. I hope it's good. I sort of made it up.
--:-- Judy Robbins: It smells delicious. Roasted chicken, celery, onions, wine, butter, honey, rosemary. I mean, what couldn't be good about that, right?
--:-- Mel Robbins: What couldn't be good? What are your parting words?
--:-- Judy Robbins: Stay in love. Stay in love?
--:-- Mel Robbins: With the world, your friends.
--:-- Judy Robbins: Judy, I'm like, wow, John.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.
