Transform Your Life at Any Moment: The Surprising Science of Happiness

Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me. And thank you for taking time to listen to something that could improve your life. I just think that's so cool, and I love being here together with you.

Mel Robbins: If you're a new listener, I also want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am so glad you're here. My name is Mel Robbins. I cannot wait to share this time with you.

Mel Robbins: You know, I often say that some of the most favorite people that you will meet in your lifetime, you haven't met yet. In fact, just last night, I was talking with our two daughters and they were making fun of me. They were saying, "Mom, remember when you and Dad and Oakley moved to Vermont and you thought your life was over and you were miserable and you thought you'd never make any friends? Look at you now. You have so many amazing friends."

Mel Robbins: And just three years ago — this is the important part — just three years ago, all of those amazing friends of mine were complete strangers. I met them at coffee shops, at the grocery store. I was standing next to them at the school sporting events and just struck up a conversation. And it just goes to show you that some of your most favorite people are people you haven't met yet.

Mel Robbins: And today, that's what you and I are going to talk about. We're going to talk about something that happiness researchers call the power of unexpected connections. What does that mean? It's those chance encounters with somebody that you just randomly meet, and that encounter changes the trajectory of your life.

Mel Robbins: I'm going to prove to you today, through eight decades of research and five true life stories, that unexpected connections not only make your day better, but they do change your life. So I want you to know if you're going through a tough time or you just are longing for more meaningful connections, more energy in your life, or if someone that you love shared this episode with you because they really want you to have more meaningful, energizing relationships in your life, I want you to know something. You tuned into the exact episode that you were meant to listen to at the exact moment in your life that you were supposed to listen to this.

Mel Robbins: So get ready to be blown away by the groundbreaking research and heartwarming stories that will prove just how powerful these unexpected connections can be in your life and, more importantly, how you can start making them today.

Mel Robbins: This episode is brought to you by Amica, our exclusive insurance partner. And if you're a listener of the Mel Robbins Podcast here in the United States, you're probably used to hearing an ad from our friends over at Amica Insurance right about now. Well, today you are in for a treat because instead of just running one ad, our friends at Amica Insurance, they're bringing you this entire episode, which means that the ads that are usually in the middle, you're not going to hear them. No interruptions because Amica cares so much about you. Thank you, Amica, for being here. I really appreciate you sponsoring this episode.

Mel Robbins: And now that you know that Amica is the incredible sponsor of this episode, let me just take a few seconds to tell you about Amica and their amazing representatives. First of all, I want to tell you that Amica is a direct writer of auto, home, and life insurance. But what they provide goes way beyond their products. Amica representatives are my kind of people because they care about people. They love people and they take the time to understand their customers. They want to know the needs of their customers so that they can work with them to build a policy that provides both coverage and peace of mind.

Mel Robbins: Having an Amica agent in your life is like having an unexpected friend who's looking out for you and your family. And I'm so glad that Amica is sponsoring this episode because that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about today: unexpected friendships. You know, the people that become your friend in a not-so-conventional way or those amazing chance encounters. We're talking about strangers who you end up developing a really special relationship with.

Mel Robbins: And here's why I wanted to talk about this. Because so many researchers are looking into the connection between unexpected relationships and happiness. I mean, these relationships play an important role in your life. You're going to learn that they make you happier, feel more connected, and even help you fight aging and disease.

Mel Robbins: And there's one touching story that I'm going to share with you later about an Amica customer, Al. He's 92 years old, he's up in Maine, and he has this unexpected connection with his Amica representative, Cheryl, who went above and beyond to make Al feel special after his wife passed away. And if you don't have any tissues nearby, you're going to need them because I've got letters I'm going to read you. I mean, this is a tearjerker of the best kind.

Mel Robbins: Amica representatives must have read the research I'm about to share with you because they really do believe in the power of human connection and having real caring people there to help you. As a trusted partner to their customers, Amica representatives understand that insurance is about protecting the life you've built. And they've been committed to delivering a personal and customized experience to policyholders for over 100 years. Visit amica.com today. As they say at Amica, empathy is our best policy.

Mel Robbins: Hey, it's Mel. And I am so excited because today you and I are talking about unexpected connections. I freaking love this topic. It's the idea that there's a stranger out there that you're meant to meet who could become one of your closest friends.

Mel Robbins: And when you stop and truly think about everyone that you love now in your life — was once a stranger? No, really. Stop and think about this for a minute with me. How differently would you live your life if you knew with 100% certainty that many of your favorite people that you will know in your lifetime are people that you haven't met yet? I mean, doesn't your heart and mind just open up? It's so exciting to think about, isn't it?

Mel Robbins: And if you're on a walk right now, you might be passing or walking by someone that could become one of your closest friends. If you're sitting at a cafe as you're listening to my voice, I want you to look around. There are potential friends or business partners all around you. Or even if you're driving in a car right now. Who knows if the person that's about to pull into the parking spot next to you and you get out of the car at the same time and then you strike up a casual conversation as you're both walking into the grocery store? Who knows where that might lead?

Mel Robbins: And if you really stop and think about the possibility and the power in that, you'll go through life in a totally different way. And that's my mission today, to help you unlock what happiness researchers call the power of unexpected connections. Some of your most favorite people that you'll ever meet, you haven't met yet.

Mel Robbins: And we're going to dig into eight decades of research and I'm going to give you specific advice about how you can start tapping into the potential of these unexpected connections. And I also have five real life stories to warm your heart and to inspire you to lean into what's available to you right in front of your eyes. Because the fact is, one of your most favorite friends could be standing right in front of you right now.

Mel Robbins: You're going to hear stories about sending a text message to the wrong person, mixing up an email address, and strangers who stand next to each other at a community pool. And even the power of someone that you've never met in person and only spoken to on the phone and how they can change your life. You can think about this episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast as a mix of Harvard research meets chicken noodle soup for the soul, done Mel Robbins style.

Mel Robbins: Now, before we get into the stories, I want to start with some research. And I want to do that on purpose for a reason. Because this isn't just about heartwarming stories. They're amazing. And you're going to absolutely love them. But I want you to take this seriously. Because one of the single biggest reasons that most of us don't live our lives looking at other people as meaningful connections is because we don't understand how much this matters.

Mel Robbins: And I'm going to bottom line it for you. Do you want to have a more meaningful life? Then you have to start creating what researchers call warm relationships. And warm relationships aren't necessarily with the people that you know. They're with the people all around you that you don't know.

Mel Robbins: And so I want to dig into the research. And to do that, I want to introduce you to somebody named Dr. Robert Waldinger. Now, Dr. Robert Waldinger might sound familiar to you because earlier this year, he appeared on the podcast. He's a researcher and medical doctor at Harvard. And what he shared with me was so eye-opening.

Mel Robbins: Dr. Waldinger is the lead researcher of something called the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Now, the Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest in-depth study of human happiness ever done. This study has been going on for 86 years, and it's still going on. And one of the things that researchers at Harvard found across generations of people from all different backgrounds is that there is this one truth about all human beings. Positive relationships are essential to your well-being and happiness.

Mel Robbins: And his team, in crunching all the data, bottom line their research this way: that good relationships keep you happier and healthier. And you want to hear something even crazier? The team at Harvard can accurately predict who is going to be happy at the age of 80. You want to know how? Because they figured out in this study that when people were satisfied with their relationships when they were around the age of 50, they turned out to be the healthiest people mentally and physically when they were 80.

Mel Robbins: And I want you to listen to Harvard's Dr. Waldinger because he's going to explain why this matters.

[Audio clip plays]

Dr. Robert Waldinger: The biggest takeaway is that the people who live the longest, stay the healthiest, and are the happiest are the people who have more relationships with other people and warmer relationships with other people. That the people who literally saw more people in a given week, the people who felt happier with their relationships, actually lived years longer and they stayed healthier. They didn't develop the diseases of aging as soon, if they developed them at all, compared to people who were more isolated, who didn't care about relationships.

[Audio clip ends]

Mel Robbins: So let me just underscore what he said, and then I'm going to connect it to these unexpected connections that you can have with strangers. He says, if you want to improve your health and happiness, just focus on one thing. And so how do you do that? Sometimes all it takes to meet some of your most favorite people in your lifetime is simply saying hello.

Mel Robbins: And in fact, the very first story proves it. And it begins at 7 p.m. one random night at a hostel in Bali when a woman walking to the communal shower at the hostel was stopped by a stranger. Now, just trust me on this. I know how that sounds. So let me back up a bit and give you some context because this first story is actually about our oldest daughter, Sawyer.

Mel Robbins: So Sawyer had always dreamt of going on a solo backpacking trip around Asia. She had dreamt of this for a decade. She had saved all this money and all of a sudden she made it a reality. So she flies halfway across the country alone as a 24-year-old woman. She lands in Bali. It is 7 p.m. at night. She is jet lagged. She does not have her bearings. She is in a country for the first time alone on this six-month adventure.

Mel Robbins: She gets to the hostel where she's staying for the night. She checks in. She's got her backpack on. She's like, "What am I going to do?" And all of a sudden, across the room, she sees a woman about her age. And she thinks, "Okay, there's another woman here. The hostel's going to be safe. I'm going to be okay. After I get myself settled, I should go talk to her."

Mel Robbins: And so Sawyer checks in and she tells me that she finds her cot or her bunk bed or wherever it is that she's supposed to put her stuff. And as she's getting settled, she sees the woman again. And she thinks to herself, "This is my opportunity. I got to pounce on it. I got to go ask her if she has any plans tonight or what she's doing or where I should go for dinner because I have no idea what I'm even doing." Except the woman is wrapped in a towel on her way down the hall to take a shower.

Mel Robbins: Now, when Sawyer told me this story, I just had to laugh because can't you picture it? This woman, you know, in her 20s, she's in a hostel, she's in a towel, she's in her flip-flops, she's probably got that little shower caddy that people carry when they're in communal showers. She has no idea that she is about to get pounced on by my overeager daughter, Sawyer.

Mel Robbins: And Sawyer tells me that she had to use the five second rule in her mind so she could get the courage to go talk to this woman before it was too late. So she goes, "Five, four, three, two, one." And then she went right up to her and said, "Hi, I'm Sawyer. Where are you from?"

Mel Robbins: And Sawyer was nervous, but she did it. And Sawyer was even more nervous when the woman paused and fixed her towel and then said after what seemed like hours, "I'm Naomi from London." I mean, can you imagine how awkward that moment was? One of them standing in the towel, the other one is jet lagged, having just got off a plane, having no idea what to do, where to go. But they got through it.

Mel Robbins: They ended up talking for a little bit in the hallway and then Naomi went to go take a shower and Sawyer was kicking herself because she didn't ask Naomi what she was doing tonight. And Sawyer desperately wanted to tag along or at least get a good recommendation for some food nearby.

Mel Robbins: And a little later, Sawyer saw Naomi who looked like she was getting ready to go out and she knew that she was going to be lonely eating dinner by herself if she didn't approach her again. She wanted to make this connection. And so she blurts out, "Hey, Naomi, what are you doing tonight?"

Mel Robbins: And that unexpected encounter with a very awkward beginning as a stranger was heading to the shower created a really beautiful friendship. See, Sawyer and Naomi not only went out to dinner and immediately clicked with each other, they made a deep and meaningful connection that night that was so strong that they traveled together for the next four months. I mean, four months is a long time. One hello and the conversation that followed sparked that.

Mel Robbins: And you want to know what? Naomi is now one of Sawyer's best friends in the entire world. They talk almost every day. All because Sawyer leaned in. She trusted her gut. She took the chance. And she made the connection. That's all it takes.

Mel Robbins: And I'm here to tell you those opportunities are all around you. I mean, she made what was nothing — two strangers passing each other in a hallway — into something meaningful. And think about the number of people that pass by you every single day. Do you know how many people do that? Or who you're sitting next to at the coffee shop or who you sit down next to or across from on the train every single day? Just imagine, one hello leads to one conversation that could lead to somebody that you have never met becoming a really good friend.

Mel Robbins: So how do you create this momentum in your life? Because let's get real here. It's all good to talk about just being more chatty or smiling more. I mean, everything seems easy to do, but then you don't do it. So let me ask you, why don't you do it?

Mel Robbins: Because I think when you hear a story like that, and you probably, if you really stop and think about it, you can think back to meeting some of your closest friends and think about, "Wow, that really was a chance encounter. And then it changed the trajectory of my life." Well, I'll tell you, why don't we lean in more? Why don't we say hello more? I'll tell you why.

Mel Robbins: Number one, you don't think it actually matters. You don't think saying hello to somebody matters. And what you're going to learn over and over and over again through these five real life stories and through the research is that this not only matters, but your health and happiness depends on the relationships you create.

Mel Robbins: And the second reason why we don't do this is that in the moment where you're sitting there and you're sitting next to a stranger, you see somebody walking down the hall or they step into the elevator, you know, who could be the person you're supposed to meet. It just kind of feels awkward, doesn't it? Because you haven't met them yet. And this is always going to be the case because that moment right before you lean in, the moment right before you approach, the moment right before you say hello, there is always that moment where you feel vulnerable when you go first.

Mel Robbins: And even in situations where you're with a bunch of other people that are all brand new — like think about moments where you're starting college or you're starting a new school. Or you're starting a new job and it's the kind of job where a bunch of people start at once and everybody's in the same orientation. Even though you're all new and nobody knows nobody, it still feels awkward to go first.

Mel Robbins: And I know exactly what you think when you see somebody. "Oh, they look busy. Oh, I don't want to interrupt their day. Oh, I don't want to annoy them. I don't want to look like some creep." Or maybe they're going to turn out to be weird. Or maybe you're worried it's going to seem awkward or weird. I'm here to tell you, you need to do it anyway. Go first. That's one of my rules in life. I'll go first.

Mel Robbins: In fact, one of the things that I notice a lot is that when I'm out and about in real life and so many listeners of the podcast come up to me — and you want to know what? I love it. I love meeting you in real life. I love hearing the stories about how what I'm sharing with you and our connection is changing your life for the better. It's just so cool.

Mel Robbins: But what I've noticed is that 90% of the time when you say hello, the first thing you say is, "I don't want to bother you." And what's interesting about that sentence is it acknowledges that you think it's going to be awkward when you approach somebody and you go first. And here's what I want you to know. I'm proud of you for saying hi. I love it when you say hi. And I also get that you're trying to respect my time, especially with my family, which I appreciate. But 90% of the time, even though it feels awkward, even though you feel a little vulnerable, when you talk to somebody and you go first, they talk back.

Mel Robbins: And this isn't just Mel, your friend, saying this. I came with research, people. Research. Research that proves that not only are you going to feel a little awkward when you talk to a stranger, but here's what the research proves. Check this out: that you actually do enjoy what happens when you talk to a stranger.

Mel Robbins: So let me unpack this for you because this is going to be like, "You're kidding me, right?" So this was a research study done at the University of Chicago and they set up this experiment that involved commuters on trains. So let me put you at the scene. They took a group of commuters and they divided them into two groups.

Mel Robbins: And they said, "Group number one, here's what we want you to do. We want you to just go about your commute like you normally do." What does that mean? You sit on the train and you ignore people and you don't look at them. You read the book. You listen to your music. You just mindlessly scroll on your phone. Whatever it is that you normally do that involves not looking at anybody else or making eye contact or talking, because nobody does, right? That's your assignment.

Mel Robbins: The other group, the second group, here's your assignment. You have to strike up a conversation with a stranger who is sitting near you during the commute.

Mel Robbins: And here's where it gets interesting. Before they put the two groups on the commuter train, they asked the groups, "Okay, how much do you think you're going to enjoy the assignment?" And of course, the people who were told, "You got to talk to strangers," they were literally like, "I'm not going to enjoy this at all. This is going to completely blow."

Mel Robbins: Wait till you hear what happened. Because when the whole assignment was over and they asked both groups — the people who literally just read their books and didn't talk to anybody and the people who were forced to talk to strangers — "Okay, how do you feel after your commute?" You're not going to believe what people said. The people who were forced to talk to strangers were way happier than the people who just sat there and did what they normally do. And they were not just happier, by the way. They were way happier.

Mel Robbins: Why? Well, the researchers are here to tell you why. Those unexpected connections energize you. And here you and I are thinking it's awkward. You know what it is? It's actually awesome. These unexpected conversations make you feel like you belong. They make you feel like you matter.

Mel Robbins: And if you stop and think about it, it makes sense because you're not sitting there on autopilot ignoring the rest of humanity. Once you start talking to someone, what happens? It's like you come alive because the life force energy inside you sparks. And you also underpredict how happy a random conversation with a stranger will make you feel. Instead, you're sitting here thinking, "Oh, it's going to be a mess, it's going to be awkward." You talk yourself out of it.

Mel Robbins: And you want to know what else is cool? The research shows it not only makes you happier, it makes the stranger happier too.

Mel Robbins: And so many of you write in and you're like, "Mel, Mel, Mel, will you do an episode about your secrets to success?" One of these days I will, but I'm going to tell you something. Going first and talking to "strangers" is one of my secrets to success because I believe every single stranger could become a good friend, a connection, a business partner.

Mel Robbins: And so let me share with you some of the tricks that I use to go first without being creepy. Number one, I compliment people's nails all the time. It's a really cool way to compliment somebody's individuality, to call out something cool about them. Or I might ask them what they're reading. I might ask them what they ordered. I might compliment their shoes or compliment something that they're wearing. Or like Sawyer did in the hostel: five, four, three, two, one. Just say, "Hey, hello."

Mel Robbins: Honestly, I live by this. I talk to everyone. The barista. I always talk to people in the elevator, always. I am not the kind of person that gets in an elevator and stares at the door. I literally, "Good morning. Hey, everybody, how you doing?" And it's amazing. It's like watching popcorn. "Oh, good, how you doing? How you doing? Okay, how am I?" Like even just that little banter picks you up.

Mel Robbins: Walking the dog, anytime I pass someone: "Hi." People at the gym: "Hey, how you doing?" The chatting with the person on the customer support phone, by the way. This one actually is kind of interesting because if you are ever on the phone with somebody who's doing customer support and they pick up the phone, you're like, "Hey, how you doing?" It's a little startling for the person because most people don't actually ask like they care.

Mel Robbins: And by the way, when you go first, when you lean in, when you compliment their nails or ask what the name of their dog is or you ask them what their favorite thing to order is, it says a lot about you. It says that you're the kind of person who's willing to make a connection. That you're the kind of person who's interested in other people.

Mel Robbins: And you know, you don't have to act like you're running for mayor and shake hands and chat with every person you meet and hold all the babies and stuff. But you can do a little more than you do right now, right? Because I really want you to wake up and realize that you're playing it safe and boring right now. You're on your phone during your commute. You're staring at social media while you're waiting in line at the coffee shop. And here you are missing out on all these opportunities for connection that bring you energy, that give you a little boost to happiness, that make you healthier, and that could just change the trajectory of your life.

Mel Robbins: Like, just imagine if I were to secretly film you throughout the day. I were to follow you with hidden cameras. You didn't realize you were being filmed. Just imagine looking at the footage of you going throughout your day. You know what you would see? You would see that you are closed off. You would see that you are walking around and there's all these people walking by you and sitting around and you're not talking to them. That you're giving signals that you're not open to a conversation. You would see that you are buried in your phone instead of looking up and looking around. And you'll see that you're missing so many opportunities to connect with people.

Mel Robbins: You feeling lonely? Here's how you actually address it. Start going first. Start saying hello to people. Start tapping into that energy and those little boosts that are all around you. You're not going to feel so lonely.

Mel Robbins: Here's your assignment from your friend Mel Robbins. We're going to borrow from the researchers at the University of Chicago and those people that were in the group that were required to talk to strangers. Your assignment from me, Mel, is to say hello to one person you pass today. That's it. That's it.

Mel Robbins: And I want you to notice how it feels. How does it feel to turn to the person next to you at the coffee shop and spark a conversation with them instead of just staring at your phone? How does it feel to talk to somebody that you don't know standing on the sidelines as you watch one of your kids play soccer? How does it feel to sit down next to somebody at work that you've never met before and just have lunch?

Mel Robbins: See, researchers say that you and I can divide relationships into two categories: weak ties and strong ties. Now, strong ties are obvious. They're the people you see all the time: co-workers, family members, close friends, neighbors. They know your birthday, your favorite color. They can guess what you're going to eat for lunch today. They know what book you're reading. And here you and I pour all of our energy into those relationships. And we miss out on this second category of people who make your life really meaningful. And that is weak ties.

Mel Robbins: And weak ties are a group of people that I want you to start to pay a lot more attention to. These are people who you don't know that well. Your building superintendent. The person who works like five offices over from you that isn't in the same department. The person that you pass in the hallway, in the dorm, in the apartment building, or that maybe lives on another floor, but you actually ride the elevator with them or pass in the hallway. Your child's teacher. Your yoga instructor. These are all weak ties that have the potential to make you much happier than you are right now. How?

Mel Robbins: By leaning in, by caring a little bit more, by being interested. And let me just hit you with a little research on why this matters so much. This comes from Dr. Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. She says these simple little day-to-day interactions stimulate the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and oxytocin, which are associated with positive emotions and social bonding.

Mel Robbins: So you're experiencing what researchers call social contagion. What that means is that all of these positive emotions—connection, boost to happiness, energy, belonging, just this sense of goodness—they can spread from one person to another. If you get into the habit of going first, of saying hello, of striking up a conversation, of complimenting people's nails and asking questions and being the one that leans in, you will start to see this ripple effect in your life of daily positive boosts. It's honestly kind of incredible.

Mel Robbins: Now that you've got your assignment to talk to somebody and you know the research about how a weak connection and these random conversations and interactions make you feel better in the moment, and that adds up to feeling better in your life, what you're going to see over and over again is that the more you do it on a small scale, the more you make yourself feel better in the moment because you're now going about your day in a different way. You're like, why would I look at my phone all day if it's draining my energy and making me feel like crap and making me feel like I'm missing out, when I could literally go first and lean in and say hello to strangers all around me? I'm like, boom, boom, boom, boom, giving myself some positivity and lifting myself up.

Mel Robbins: Now you see that this all adds up to experiencing life at a totally different level. That the person in a towel in the flip-flops with her shower caddy at the hostel could actually become a travel companion for four months and one of the best friends in your life. These connections are everywhere around you waiting for you to go first.

Mel Robbins: Now I want to jump into the second story and just make this even bigger. This one is between two people who have never even met in real life, and I hope you have Kleenexes with you because this one is about a 92-year-old man named Al. Let me set up this story because it's really, really beautiful.

Mel Robbins: You've got Al, who is a 92-year-old grandfather. He also had lost his wife, so he is a widower. He's living alone. He has this experience where he is driving the car and he hits a deer. If that's ever happened to you, it's actually terrifying because of course it hurts the animal, it can hurt you, and it can also do a lot of damage to your car, which is what happened to Al. He was really shaken up after it happened. He called his representative, Cheryl, who works for Amica, and they're talking on the phone. It was very apparent that Cheryl cared about Al. Now they've never met in person. We're talking about two people talking on the phone.

Mel Robbins: What happened next in this chance, unexpected encounter over the phone was so moving that Al's grandson, Joe, wrote a letter about it. He says, "My name is Joe and I'm writing you this note in regard to my grandfather who lives in a rural town in Maine. He recently hit a deer resulting in an auto claim. Over the course of the claim, Cheryl, who was his representative, was very pleasant to work with and got to know him a bit.

Mel Robbins: "Now, my grandfather's 92 years old and lives alone in his home. While his friends in the community are good to him and invitations to share the holidays with him, his home still lacks the hustle and bustle and coming and going of family that so many of us take for granted around the holidays. In some ways that can make the season hard to get through.

Mel Robbins: "That being said, Cheryl, who has never met my grandfather in person, gave him a wonderful gift this year that filled not only his home, but his heart with Christmas spirit. She went out of her way to get a Christmas card for my grandfather and then had an army of people at the Amica Concord office all sign it, wishing my grandfather well. Then she called him on Christmas Day just to wish him a Merry Christmas.

Mel Robbins: "Of course, his family and friends had also reached out to him as expected to wish him well, but I believe it was this simple, selfless act of kindness and compassion that most filled his heart and brought to his house a spirit that had been absent this year. I wanted to thank you for that, Cheryl. My grandfather asked that I leave you a copy of something he wrote 70 years ago as a gift in return for your kind gesture.

Mel Robbins: "My grandfather was a very successful businessman who had a long and impressive career, but it wasn't always that way. When my mom was a baby and even a toddler, they had very little. One of their favorite Christmases as a family in December of 1950, my grandfather could only afford a little doll for my mom and no presents for his young wife, no big Christmas dinner with a roast. So he wrote this piece entitled 'The Gift' and he gave it to my grandmother as the only gift he could give."

Mel Robbins: Oh my God. Okay. I don't know if I get through this. I think I needed the Kleenexes. "In times of little and times of plenty, it has always been a reminder that true acts of love, kindness, and compassion are the real lasting gifts we give one another. Thank you so much for your act of kindness that truly brought brightness to the world and warmed a heart."

Mel Robbins: Then he included this poem that Al had written in 1950 called "The Gift." Here it is. "So many gifts with the passing of time are soon broken, torn, or fade away. They serve a single purpose and are then forgotten or put aside. Like all material things, they are substance and as such bring joy and happiness only for the present moment. But there is a gift that you will not see beneath our tree this year. When the gifts are unwrapped and taken away, it will still remain until it is slowly seeped into the souls of those we love, for it is not of substance. It is a gift of love wrapped in dreams. Dreams of now, tomorrow. It is tied tightly with a ribbon of faith which will never be undone, and with a bow of compassion for we are sensitive souls. This love is the greatest gift I can offer and unlike material things, it will never break, tear, or fade away. By giving it becomes only stronger and everlasting. Please accept this humble thought to nourish our love through another year and God willing within our entwined souls forever."

Mel Robbins: It's true that love is the greatest gift you can offer, and it is by giving it that it becomes stronger and everlasting. I think that's what you're doing when you go first, when you lean in, when you're the one that cares about somebody else. The story shows you that you don't even have to be in person to lean into the power of this unexpected connection. Cheryl's actions show the real impact human connection and empathy can have. You're even feeling it now that you're hearing the story, aren't you? As I get all choked up, you feel your own heart swell. That is the phenomenon I was talking about—the positive emotions spread from one person to another. There's this undeniable energetic ripple effect that you create, and it starts every single time you smile or ask how somebody's day was or say thank you or hold open the door or check in on someone or turn and talk to the friend standing next to you.

Mel Robbins: Isn't that incredible? When you really stop and think about how powerful you are—that how you show up on a phone call or how you go first and say hi to somebody—you can be the one. You can warm up the room. You can make someone else feel loved. When you give it away, it actually makes it stronger in you. It's so powerful.

Mel Robbins: Thank you to Al's grandson, Joe, and thank you to Cheryl. What I also love about that story is I think we all know somebody like Cheryl, right? She's leading by example. Cheryl's actions show the impact real human connection and empathy can have. Don't you want to be somebody like Cheryl? Don't you want to be the person that makes people feel that way? I'm here to tell you, you can and you are, and I want you to. I don't want you to forget the power that you have to do this, not only for yourself, but for other people.

Mel Robbins: Let's get into this next story because if you could use a little laugh right now, you're going to get it. Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that there's someone in the world right now that has your email, but just with one letter off? Like it could be Mel Robbins, but instead of spelling it with two B's, R-O-B-B-I-N-S, it's one B. I want you to imagine that there's a person for real, because there is out in the world right now, just living their life. They got their email address just like yours, but they got one letter that's different.

Mel Robbins: Now imagine that all of a sudden in their email box, they start receiving emails that are meant for you. It doesn't happen just once. It happens several times because somebody misspells the email, and oh my gosh, it was part of an email that went to a group email. So now they keep getting emails that are meant for you over and over because people keep replying. Is it annoying? Or is this an unexpected connection?

Mel Robbins: That's exactly what happened to my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. One day, one of Judy's sons sent an email to Judy, but he accidentally left one letter out. He misspelled the email. All of a sudden, who received that message from Judy's son? Another woman whose email was only one letter different. What happened next? This stranger responded back to Judy's son. I'm going to let my mother-in-law Judy tell you the story.

Judy Robbins: One of my boys got an email from this woman saying, "I just want to let you know I'm not your mother." One of the boys had written me a note, but had dropped off this one letter and she got it. So she sent the email back to this person, which was one of the boys, saying, "Just want to let you know I'm not your mother. Your mother must have a different email address."

Judy Robbins: Then I got several of them started to pick up, and it was really funny. She wrote to one of the women that I'm in a book club with. She started off by saying, "I'd love to come to your book club, but unfortunately I can't. I live in France, in Paris. So please tell Judy that this is my email and that's hers." This went on and on and on. By then we were writing each other.

Mel Robbins: What's her name?

Judy Robbins: Juliet. So Juliet is over in France. Occasionally when people are trying to reach Judy Robbins here in the United States, they misspell your email and it ends up going to Juliet in France. She then forwards it to you.

Mel Robbins: Or she started just answering them.

Judy Robbins: She started answering, which would copy me. "Can't come to your book club, wish I could." One point in time, she got a receipt for all my cosmetics that I got from Neiman Marcus. She said, "I'd love to try the eye cream, but I'm not going to pay your bill." So she had gotten this receipt. They sent it to the wrong person.

Mel Robbins: This has been going on for how long?

Judy Robbins: Oh, close to 15 years.

Mel Robbins: 15 years?

Judy Robbins: Yeah, quite a while. We became friends, pen pals, I guess is what you'd say. We would write each other back and forth. I looked her up, actually, and found out that she's American. She went to college here in America and lives in Paris. I don't know if she ever looked me up, but she wouldn't have gotten as much information as I got of her because she's very, very well read and she teaches. When one of my granddaughters was going over to Paris, I said, "You've got to look up Juliet." I wrote Juliet and said she was coming over, and sweet as could be, of course she took her out to dinner with her friends, took her to her apartment in Paris.

Judy Robbins: Last year we met up in Vermont in Woodstock and had lunch.

Mel Robbins: What was that like?

Judy Robbins: It was amazing. She's your age.

Mel Robbins: Okay. In her 50s.

Judy Robbins: Yeah. Three kids. She actually grew up in the state of Vermont, believe it or not, on a farm. She comes back all the time because her mother is in a retirement home in Hanover. This experience of meeting a stranger over in Europe via an email address error, and then becoming pen pals for 15 years and then meeting in real life.

Mel Robbins: What did this teach you?

Judy Robbins: I've said it so many times and it's such a cliche, but I think everything happens for a reason. She came into my life as another friend. We just had so much fun. One of her emails was so wonderful. I wrote to her saying, "It's a beautiful summer night and I'm having a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and thinking about you." She wrote back quite quickly and said, "Well, I'm in Burgundy having a wonderful glass of Burgundy." They have a summer house somewhere out there in the countryside. It's been wonderful to get to know her. She's a lovely person.

Mel Robbins: I think that there are opportunities to make connections all around us. We completely minimize the fact that somebody having an email address that's one letter off, and that exchange that could have literally been, "Hey, I keep getting your emails. Could you please let everybody know?" So it's just cutting off communication versus leaning in with a sense of warmth and humor. That opened up this door to a 15-year-long friendship.

Judy Robbins: She was very open. She could have been really irritated by it all.

Mel Robbins: Yes. I think that's the point. When these random things happen, maybe instead of seeing it as an inconvenience, see it as the universe opening the door. Fall in rather than falling out.

Judy Robbins: Fall in rather than falling out. Genius.

Mel Robbins: What I love about what Judy said is she said Juliet could have been annoyed by it. Just think about it. I think most of us would have been annoyed by it. In fact, if it happened to you, you might be annoyed because you feel kind of inconvenienced. You just sort of delete it or say wrong address or shrug it off and move on. What if when you do that, you miss the opportunity of a lifetime to have a friend who lives across the world and looks at your receipts?

Mel Robbins: You want to know why she got her receipts? This is the funniest part. Think about it—Judy misspelled her own email. When she gets these receipts from you after getting all these other emails from other people that were meant for you, she just laughs with you about how much you're spending on your stupid eye cream. She gets the emails from your kids and your book club, and she makes space for a joke about it. She then forwards your emails to you in a way that is just so open and good, making sure that you're getting your emails.

Mel Robbins: And what about Juliet? Here, this random woman who is 30 years older than her, suddenly she's got a connection through Vermont. That is so cool. I just love this story. One of the reasons why I love this story is because you can see how your attitude in these moments of an unexpected connection means everything. Judy, just as you learned through the story with our daughter Sawyer earlier, not only turned something from cold to warm, but they turned warm into a lifelong friendship out of thin air. Why? Because someone went first. In the case of Judy's story, Juliet went first. She leaned in. Sawyer went first, said hello. You strike up a conversation. You're not taking life so seriously. When you're open, you're open to connection.

Mel Robbins: I'm not even done yet because I have a fourth story, and I love this story so much. My friend Amy shared this story with me. You're going to love this. Her friend Astrid was at this huge community pool one day in the height of summer. There she is, watching her son and her daughter play in the kiddie pool. Her kids are starting to play with these kids from another family. So Astrid starts talking to the dad of these two kids, whose name was Rich. Just some light banter.

Mel Robbins: You can picture this, right? You're at a community pool. There's so many people. Everybody's all over the place. There you are, standing there in shin deep water. You got your one piece bathing suit on. You're holding a sandwich. You turn, you talk to the other parent next to you. Nothing deep. "It's so hot out." "Oh, the snack bar." "Yeah, yeah, I got the sandwich. It's not that bad." That kind of thing. Now you and I know that these things can just kind of fizzle out quickly, right? That's exactly what happened in this situation.

Mel Robbins: But when it was time to go and Astrid started packing up and she was on her way out, Rich, the dad, literally walked up to her with his wife and said, "Hey, how about you guys come on over for brunch? Our kids got along." In honesty, Astrid thought, "Okay, this is a little much to go from standing in shin deep water to a brunch date." But she didn't want to be rude, so she said yes. She got home, marked it on her calendar, told her husband about it, and completely forgot about it.

Mel Robbins: When the brunch date arrived several weeks later and she saw it on the calendar, her reaction was, "Oh my god, what brunch?" Astrid couldn't remember who it was that invited them to brunch. She couldn't remember the dad's name. She couldn't remember their faces. Plus, she didn't want to go. No one wanted to get out of their pajamas and go to this stupid brunch. But I gotta give her props because she forced her family to go.

Mel Robbins: Can you imagine? You load your family up. Nobody wants to go. You can't even remember the dad's name. Now you're standing on the front stoop of this house of these people that you don't know. You're raising your fist and knocking on the door, racking your brain, trying to remember what they look like. Not only was it a surprise, that afternoon having brunch with some random family that they met at the pool was magical. They clicked instantly. The conversation flowed so easily, it was nonstop.

Mel Robbins: Check this out. They found out that both couples lived in Chicago at the same time when they were in graduate school. Then they found out that they were in Mexico in the 1980s at the same time. Their paths must have crossed without them knowing because of the amount of shared experiences. Then as they're having brunch, Astrid and Rich—wait to hear this—they find out that they have the same birthday. Not only the same day, but the exact same year. Don't you freaking love it when you meet your birthday twin? How cool is this? I love this stuff.

Mel Robbins: It doesn't end there. Astrid is an interior designer and designer of custom headboards. Rich loves flipping houses. That was the start of another magical connection. A few conversations later, Astrid and Rich felt like there was an opportunity that they just couldn't ignore, and they started a house flipping business together. Their skills complemented each other perfectly. For years, they ran a successful house flipping business, and they called it Same Day, Same Year.

Mel Robbins: I love that story because what if you not only took everything that you're learning about how you can use these unexpected connections and see strangers as a way to bring more joy and energy and meaning in your day-to-day life, but what if you look at it as something even deeper? It's almost like a scavenger hunt of people where there are people you're meant to meet. In the process of bumping up the energy and saying hello and leaning in and being that kind of positive person spreading the ripple of positivity, that's how you're going to find the person that you're meant to meet next.

Mel Robbins: If you really think about the story, doesn't it feel like something had been trying to pull them together all along? There's no doubt in my mind that they did cross paths in Mexico, but no one went first. There's no doubt in my mind that they did meet in Chicago, but nobody leaned in. But that day at the community pool, that unexpected connection, that was the day. It always begins the same way, with a simple hello and a conversation. That leads to connection and curiosity and just feeling good. That leads to an invitation on a whim to brunch and a willingness to see what's on the other side of the door. Often what you'll find is beyond your wildest dreams.

Mel Robbins: That leads me to our final story of Jamal Hinton and Wanda Dench. Much like Judy and Juliet's friendship, which began with a misspelled email, this story begins with Wanda, who texted a number that she thought was her grandson, inviting him to Thanksgiving dinner. The text read, "Thanksgiving dinner is at my house on November 24 at 3 p.m. Let me know if you're coming. Hope to see you all. Of course, that includes Amanda."

Mel Robbins: It turns out she didn't text her grandson. The text went to someone named Jamal, a complete stranger. Jamal received the text and was like, "What is this?" He had no idea why he was on a text chain about Thanksgiving with these random people, and he had no idea who Amanda was. At the time, Jamal was just a 17-year-old high school student. Here he is sitting in class when he gets this text message from a stranger. What does he do? He doesn't delete it. He writes back.

Mel Robbins: "Who is this?" Wanda replies, "Your grandma." So Jamal texted back, "Grandma, can I have a picture?" Wanda says, "Of who?" Jamal says, "You, LOL." This is where it starts to get real because Wanda sends her picture. She's a really pretty woman, big smile, grayish hair. She looks like an awesome grandma. Jamal sends his photo back and he looks like a high school athlete, big smile, it's awesome. Then he writes below his picture, "You're not my grandma," with the shocked face emoji and the laughing emoji. But then he adds, and I love this, "Can I still get a plate though?"

Mel Robbins: Wanda does not miss a beat. She texts, "Of course, that's what grandmas do. They feed everyone." Talk about an unexpected connection. Just like Juliet, Wanda leaned in and so did Jamal. Guess what? Jamal ended up coming to Thanksgiving dinner with Wanda's family. Can you imagine the conversation Wanda had with her family about how she invited a total stranger to Thanksgiving because she texted the wrong person? Can you imagine how nervous Jamal was knocking on the door of a total stranger for Thanksgiving? I bet it was a bit awkward for everyone. But remember what the research proves: it goes so much better than you expect. It sure did. It always does.

Mel Robbins: Wanda and her husband, Lonnie, were instant friends with Jamal. Eventually Jamal and his girlfriend began going on regular double dates with Wanda and Lonnie. They posted online about this unexpected Thanksgiving text gone wrong connection, and it went so viral. You maybe are now starting to think, "I think I remember this." Why does it go viral? Because you and I love the story of how an unexpected stranger can become a very close friend.

Mel Robbins: Get this: Wanda, Lonnie, Jamal, his girlfriend Michaela, along with Wanda and Lonnie's family, go on to spend four straight years of Thanksgiving together. Every year they post about it online with new selfies, and every year it goes viral. Then in 2020, Lonnie, Wanda's husband, passed away. That meant things would be different at the dinner table at Thanksgiving. But that unexpected connection that Wanda and Jamal shared was even stronger the next year. They had a picture of Lonnie at the table and carried on with the tradition of having Thanksgiving dinner. This past year marked the eighth Thanksgiving that Jamal and Wanda spent together.

Mel Robbins: I think this connection is so inspiring. They share a Thanksgiving selfie every single year and the world loves it. If you're listening to this, go to YouTube and you can watch this episode and see all the photos and all the pictures. It's really freaking cool. We edited it all into the video version of the podcast. Just stop and think about why this heartwarming story about the unexpected friendship between Jamal and Wanda has struck a chord around the world. I think it shows how much we all crave connection, how we would all love to be welcomed with open arms like family. Their story shows how you and I are wired to be with people, to give love, to share love, and to open your arms and open the door and share your life with other people.

Mel Robbins: What I really love about their story is that it proves that you can find connection. You just have to be open to it. You have to lean in. You have to go first. The connections you make will enrich your life and make your life more exciting, adventurous, satisfying, and meaningful. Because it is true: some of the most favorite people that you will meet in your lifetime are people you haven't met yet. The only thing that's keeping you from meeting them is going first.

Mel Robbins: One more thing, in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be darn sure I told you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a more meaningful life. Now go do it. I'll talk to you in a few days.

Mel Robbins: Thank you again to our exclusive insurance partner, Amica. I am so proud to share the story about Cheryl, the Amica representative who took just a few minutes of her time to write Al a card and then give him a quick call. Her kindness and compassion turned around a really lonely and sad time of year for him and left him feeling valued and seen and cared for, like he mattered, because he does. It's those small unexpected gestures that turn strangers into unexpected friends. This is the kind of service that Amica is committed to delivering to their customers just like you. They understand the value of taking the time to get to know their customers and learning about their individual needs. Amica's representatives take a consultative approach to insurance to help provide you with peace of mind. They focus on ensuring that customers have the right coverage and can be confident that they are prepared for whatever comes their way. In fact, 98% of customers stay with Amica year after year because of their award-winning customer service. No surprise there. In an increasingly automated world, Amica believes in the power of human connection and having real, caring people there to help you. And so do I. I want to thank them for doing this so that you and I could have all this time together. Please visit amica.com today. As they say at Amica, empathy is our best policy.

Mel Robbins: This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.