The One Science-Backed Habit You Need in 2023

Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an incredible episode of the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited to talk to you today because today, you and I are going to have a conversation about the most important relationship that you have in life. And that's the relationship that you have with yourself. I am going to introduce you to a habit that I want you to start practicing immediately. This habit, it is the Mac Daddy of all habits. You master this habit, and it's like that very first domino. You know when you have dominoes all lined up and there's that one domino in the front that you're like, boop, and boom, you knock that sucker over and it's like, and all the other dominoes fall. We are talking about the gateway to creating a positive ripple effect in your life and improving the relationship with yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself based on just practicing one habit. This habit is the secret to self-acceptance and self-love as your new default. What habit am I talking about? What science-backed, mac daddy, domino-dropping habit could this be, Mel? Well, brace yourself because I know you're a smart person. You might be a little kind of resigned like I am, cynical. So when you hear this, you might think, oh, come on, seriously? But I promise you, by the end of this conversation, you will not only have the Kleenexes out, you will be practicing this habit. The habit I'm referring to is simply high-fiving yourself in the mirror as part of your morning routine. And I've got the research to prove it. I not only have stacks and stacks of research about the remarkable power of a high five, what it does to you neurologically, physiologically, how it releases chemicals in your brain, how it changes your neural pathways. We're going to get into something called neurobics, which is the fastest way for you to adopt positive new thinking patterns. I've also got studies that I'm going to share with you about why this is so profound. One of the studies is one that we've done where we have had 175,000 people add a high five in the mirror to their morning routine for five days. When I tell you the results of what happens in people's lives by simply high fiving themselves in the mirror to start their day, it is absolutely so profound. And I also love this because anybody of any age, anywhere in the world can do it. All you got to do is high five the mirror in your morning routine after you brush your teeth. And I want you to stick with me on this one. Even if you're like, please, this doesn't seem like me, please. Because you're going to hear two extraordinary stories about the impact that one high five can make in your life. One of those stories is from my husband, Chris. And the other is from another person named Chris, this time a woman, and definitely bring the Kleenex because these are not only moving, but you're gonna have goosebumps. You're gonna feel empowered, encouraged, and excited. I'm not kidding. This is profound. And I know that you struggle with self-love because we all do. I get questions on this topic every single freaking day. Mel, how do I love myself? Like this one from Maria. Hi Mel, this is Maria from Spain. Can you explain how to learn to love yourself? I know I need to love myself as a part of my self-growth, but no one tells you how to do that. I'm curious, is there something I can do about that? I love this question, because she's right. We all know we need to love ourselves, but how the hell do you do that when nobody has taught you how. I think the main reason why this concept of self-love is so hard to implement in our lives is because of the definition of love. If you look in the dictionary, love is defined as a feeling, but that's not what it is. Love is an action. And let's just take an example from your life. When you feel loved by somebody else, it's because of how they treat you. It's because of what they say to you. Like, for example, when Chris brings me a cup of coffee in the morning, I feel loved because of that action. When he says, I love you, Mel, I feel loved because of the action of speaking those words. But when it comes to loving ourselves, we're sitting around waiting for the feeling and yet we're not recognizing the truth about love. You feel loved by other people when they demonstrate it through actions. The secret to self-love is demonstrating to yourself through your own actions toward yourself that you love yourself. And that's why the simple solution to having a breakthrough and loving yourself, the first domino that needs to fall, is something that I call the high five habit. This is a simple habit that I created that is simply adding a high five in the mirror to yourself, to your morning routine. That's what the high five habit is. Now, one of the reasons why I love this habit is because it has so much research. And the habit's very simple. When you wake up tomorrow morning, get yourself out of bed, go into the bathroom, brush your teeth. And then after you brush your teeth, you're going to put your toothbrush down. And the reason why I want you to do it after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth, is because I want to use some science called habit stacking. I want this to be part of your morning routine, what you're about to do. And so I want you to do it right after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth. That way your brain will encode this high five habit even faster. And here comes the most important part. As you put the toothbrush down, you are going to look in the mirror. This is the hardest part of the high five habit. You're going to look in the mirror and I don't want you to look through the person in the mirror. I want you to realize there's a human being that's standing in the mirror there with you every morning in the bathroom and you have either ignored them or you have looked at all of the things you don't like about that person, whether it's the weight that you've put on or it's the bags under your eyes or for me, it's one boob hanging lower than the other boob. You sit there and judge that person or based on our research and studies, 50% of men and women cannot or will not look at themselves in the mirror. And the reason is so freaking sad. It's because they don't like the person they've become, or they have so many regrets in life about things that they did or the place that they thought that they would be that they can't and won't look at themselves in the mirror. And if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you're every morning demonstrating, not love, you're demonstrating rejection and criticism. And so first step of the high five habit, you are going to put your toothbrush down and you're going to look at yourself in the eye. And it's going to feel weird if you don't normally do this. And the next part of this is very simple. Whenever you feel ready, you're going to raise your hand and you're going to high five the person you see in the mirror. And again, I have so much data on this. I know because we've studied what happens. This works. And what's going to happen when you go to high five the mirror is you're either going to laugh out loud and you laugh out loud because it is kind of dorky. I mean, it's funny to be doing this, right? You've never done this before. That's what happened to me the first time I did it? I just kind of laughed because it's so silly. Or the second reaction that you may have is you're going to feel moved emotionally, like you want to cry, or all of a sudden this sadness comes to the surface. And we saw that a lot in the research that we did with the 175,000 people that tried this for five days in a row. That was very, very common for people to burst into tears the first time that they did this. Now, this is where the science gets really cool when we're talking about this habit. And the science I'm referring to is a field of neuroscience called neurobics, which is the fastest way for you to adopt positive new thinking patterns. I've also got studies that I'm going to share with you about why this is so profound. One of the studies is one that we've done where we have had 175,000 people add a high five in the mirror to their morning routine for five days. When I tell you the results of what happens in people's lives by simply high fiving themselves in the mirror to start their day, it is absolutely so profound. And I also love this because anybody of any age, anywhere in the world can do it. All you got to do is high five the mirror in your morning routine after you brush your teeth. And I want you to stick with me on this one. Even if you're like, please, this doesn't seem like me, please. Because you're going to hear two extraordinary stories about the impact that one high five can make in your life. One of those stories is from my husband, Chris. And the other is from another person named Chris, this time a woman, and definitely bring the Kleenex because these are not only moving, but you're gonna have goosebumps. You're gonna feel empowered, encouraged, and excited. I'm not kidding. This is profound. And I know that you struggle with self-love because we all do. I get questions on this topic every single freaking day. Mel, how do I love myself? Like this one from Maria. Hi Mel, this is Maria from Spain. Can you explain how to learn to love yourself? I know I need to love myself as a part of my self-growth, but no one tells you how to do that. I'm curious, is there something I can do about that? I love this question, because she's right. We all know we need to love ourselves, but how the hell do you do that when nobody has taught you how. I think the main reason why this concept of self-love is so hard to implement in our lives is because of the definition of love. If you look in the dictionary, love is defined as a feeling, but that's not what it is. Love is an action. And let's just take an example from your life. When you feel loved by somebody else, it's because of how they treat you. It's because of what they say to you. Like, for example, when Chris brings me a cup of coffee in the morning, I feel loved because of that action. When he says, I love you, Mel, I feel loved because of the action of speaking those words. But when it comes to loving ourselves, we're sitting around waiting for the feeling and yet we're not recognizing the truth about love. You feel loved by other people when they demonstrate it through actions. The secret to self-love is demonstrating to yourself through your own actions toward yourself that you love yourself. And that's why the simple solution to having a breakthrough and loving yourself, the first domino that needs to fall, is something that I call the high five habit. This is a simple habit that I created that is simply adding a high five in the mirror to yourself, to your morning routine. That's what the high five habit is. Now, one of the reasons why I love this habit is because it has so much research. And the habit's very simple. When you wake up tomorrow morning, get yourself out of bed, go into the bathroom, brush your teeth. And then after you brush your teeth, you're going to put your toothbrush down. And the reason why I want you to do it after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth, is because I want to use some science called habit stacking. I want this to be part of your morning routine, what you're about to do. And so I want you to do it right after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth. That way your brain will encode this high five habit even faster. And here comes the most important part. As you put the toothbrush down, you are going to look in the mirror. This is the hardest part of the high five habit. You're going to look in the mirror and I don't want you to look through the person in the mirror. I want you to realize there's a human being that's standing in the mirror there with you every morning in the bathroom and you have either ignored them or you have looked at all of the things you don't like about that person, whether it's the weight that you've put on or it's the bags under your eyes or for me, it's one boob hanging lower than the other boob. You sit there and judge that person or based on our research and studies, 50% of men and women cannot or will not look at themselves in the mirror. And the reason is so freaking sad. It's because they don't like the person they've become, or they have so many regrets in life about things that they did or the place that they thought that they would be that they can't and won't look at themselves in the mirror. And if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you're every morning demonstrating, not love, you're demonstrating rejection and criticism. And so first step of the high five habit, you are going to put your toothbrush down and you're going to look at yourself in the eye. And it's going to feel weird if you don't normally do this. And the next part of this is very simple. Whenever you feel ready, you're going to raise your hand and you're going to high five the person you see in the mirror. And again, I have so much data on this. I know because we've studied what happens. This works. And what's going to happen when you go to high five the mirror is you're either going to laugh out loud and you laugh out loud because it is kind of dorky. I mean, it's funny to be doing this, right? You've never done this before. That's what happened to me the first time I did it? I just kind of laughed because it's so silly. Or the second reaction that you may have is you're going to feel moved emotionally, like you want to cry, or all of a sudden this sadness comes to the surface. And we saw that a lot in the research that we did with the 175,000 people that tried this for five days in a row. That was very, very common for people to burst into tears the first time that they did this. Now, this is where the science gets really cool when we're talking about this habit. And the science I'm referring to is a field of neuroscience called neurobics, which is the fastest way for you to adopt positive new thinking patterns. I've also got studies that I'm going to share with you about why this is so profound. One of the studies is one that we've done where we have had 175,000 people add a high five in the mirror to their morning routine for five days. When I tell you the results of what happens in people's lives by simply high fiving themselves in the mirror to start their day, it is absolutely so profound. And I also love this because anybody of any age, anywhere in the world can do it. All you got to do is high five the mirror in your morning routine after you brush your teeth. And I want you to stick with me on this one. Even if you're like, please, this doesn't seem like me, please. Because you're going to hear two extraordinary stories about the impact that one high five can make in your life. One of those stories is from my husband, Chris. And the other is from another person named Chris, this time a woman, and definitely bring the Kleenex because these are not only moving, but you're gonna have goosebumps. You're gonna feel empowered, encouraged, and excited. I'm not kidding. This is profound. And I know that you struggle with self-love because we all do. I get questions on this topic every single freaking day. Mel, how do I love myself? Like this one from Maria. Hi Mel, this is Maria from Spain. Can you explain how to learn to love yourself? I know I need to love myself as a part of my self-growth, but no one tells you how to do that. I'm curious, is there something I can do about that? I love this question, because she's right. We all know we need to love ourselves, but how the hell do you do that when nobody has taught you how. I think the main reason why this concept of self-love is so hard to implement in our lives is because of the definition of love. If you look in the dictionary, love is defined as a feeling, but that's not what it is. Love is an action. And let's just take an example from your life. When you feel loved by somebody else, it's because of how they treat you. It's because of what they say to you. Like, for example, when Chris brings me a cup of coffee in the morning, I feel loved because of that action. When he says, I love you, Mel, I feel loved because of the action of speaking those words. But when it comes to loving ourselves, we're sitting around waiting for the feeling and yet we're not recognizing the truth about love. You feel loved by other people when they demonstrate it through actions. The secret to self-love is demonstrating to yourself through your own actions toward yourself that you love yourself. And that's why the simple solution to having a breakthrough and loving yourself, the first domino that needs to fall, is something that I call the high five habit. This is a simple habit that I created that is simply adding a high five in the mirror to yourself, to your morning routine. That's what the high five habit is. Now, one of the reasons why I love this habit is because it has so much research. And the habit's very simple. When you wake up tomorrow morning, get yourself out of bed, go into the bathroom, brush your teeth. And then after you brush your teeth, you're going to put your toothbrush down. And the reason why I want you to do it after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth, is because I want to use some science called habit stacking. I want this to be part of your morning routine, what you're about to do. And so I want you to do it right after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth. That way your brain will encode this high five habit even faster. And here comes the most important part. As you put the toothbrush down, you are going to look in the mirror. This is the hardest part of the high five habit. You're going to look in the mirror and I don't want you to look through the person in the mirror. I want you to realize there's a human being that's standing in the mirror there with you every morning in the bathroom and you have either ignored them or you have looked at all of the things you don't like about that person, whether it's the weight that you've put on or it's the bags under your eyes or for me, it's one boob hanging lower than the other boob. You sit there and judge that person or based on our research and studies, 50% of men and women cannot or will not look at themselves in the mirror. And the reason is so freaking sad. It's because they don't like the person they've become, or they have so many regrets in life about things that they did or the place that they thought that they would be that they can't and won't look at themselves in the mirror. And if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you're every morning demonstrating, not love, you're demonstrating rejection and criticism. And so first step of the high five habit, you are going to put your toothbrush down and you're going to look at yourself in the eye. And it's going to feel weird if you don't normally do this. And the next part of this is very simple. Whenever you feel ready, you're going to raise your hand and you're going to high five the person you see in the mirror. And again, I have so much data on this. I know because we've studied what happens. This works. And what's going to happen when you go to high five the mirror is you're either going to laugh out loud and you laugh out loud because it is kind of dorky. I mean, it's funny to be doing this, right? You've never done this before. That's what happened to me the first time I did it? I just kind of laughed because it's so silly. Or the second reaction that you may have is you're going to feel moved emotionally, like you want to cry, or all of a sudden this sadness comes to the surface. And we saw that a lot in the research that we did with the 175,000 people that tried this for five days in a row. That was very, very common for people to burst into tears the first time that they did this. Now, this is where the science gets really cool when we're talking about this habit. And the science I'm referring to is a field of neuroscience called neurobics, which is the fastest way for you to adopt positive new thinking patterns. I've also got studies that I'm going to share with you about why this is so profound. One of the studies is one that we've done where we have had 175,000 people add a high five in the mirror to their morning routine for five days. When I tell you the results of what happens in people's lives by simply high fiving themselves in the mirror to start their day, it is absolutely so profound. And I also love this because anybody of any age, anywhere in the world can do it. All you got to do is high five the mirror in your morning routine after you brush your teeth. And I want you to stick with me on this one. Even if you're like, please, this doesn't seem like me, please. Because you're going to hear two extraordinary stories about the impact that one high five can make in your life. One of those stories is from my husband, Chris. And the other is from another person named Chris, this time a woman, and definitely bring the Kleenex because these are not only moving, but you're gonna have goosebumps. You're gonna feel empowered, encouraged, and excited. I'm not kidding. This is profound. And I know that you struggle with self-love because we all do. I get questions on this topic every single freaking day. Mel, how do I love myself? Like this one from Maria. Hi Mel, this is Maria from Spain. Can you explain how to learn to love yourself? I know I need to love myself as a part of my self-growth, but no one tells you how to do that. I'm curious, is there something I can do about that? I love this question, because she's right. We all know we need to love ourselves, but how the hell do you do that when nobody has taught you how. I think the main reason why this concept of self-love is so hard to implement in our lives is because of the definition of love. If you look in the dictionary, love is defined as a feeling, but that's not what it is. Love is an action. And let's just take an example from your life. When you feel loved by somebody else, it's because of how they treat you. It's because of what they say to you. Like, for example, when Chris brings me a cup of coffee in the morning, I feel loved because of that action. When he says, I love you, Mel, I feel loved because of the action of speaking those words. But when it comes to loving ourselves, we're sitting around waiting for the feeling and yet we're not recognizing the truth about love. You feel loved by other people when they demonstrate it through actions. The secret to self-love is demonstrating to yourself through your own actions toward yourself that you love yourself. And that's why the simple solution to having a breakthrough and loving yourself, the first domino that needs to fall, is something that I call the high five habit. This is a simple habit that I created that is simply adding a high five in the mirror to yourself, to your morning routine. That's what the high five habit is. Now, one of the reasons why I love this habit is because it has so much research. And the habit's very simple. When you wake up tomorrow morning, get yourself out of bed, go into the bathroom, brush your teeth. And then after you brush your teeth, you're going to put your toothbrush down. And the reason why I want you to do it after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth, is because I want to use some science called habit stacking. I want this to be part of your morning routine, what you're about to do. And so I want you to do it right after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth. That way your brain will encode this high five habit even faster. And here comes the most important part. As you put the toothbrush down, you are going to look in the mirror. This is the hardest part of the high five habit. You're going to look in the mirror and I don't want you to look through the person in the mirror. I want you to realize there's a human being that's standing in the mirror there with you every morning in the bathroom and you have either ignored them or you have looked at all of the things you don't like about that person, whether it's the weight that you've put on or it's the bags under your eyes or for me, it's one boob hanging lower than the other boob. You sit there and judge that person or based on our research and studies, 50% of men and women cannot or will not look at themselves in the mirror. And the reason is so freaking sad. It's because they don't like the person they've become, or they have so many regrets in life about things that they did or the place that they thought that they would be that they can't and won't look at themselves in the mirror. And if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you're every morning demonstrating, not love, you're demonstrating rejection and criticism. And so first step of the high five habit, you are going to put your toothbrush down and you're going to look at yourself in the eye. And it's going to feel weird if you don't normally do this. And the next part of this is very simple. Whenever you feel ready, you're going to raise your hand and you're going to high five the person you see in the mirror. And again, I have so much data on this. I know because we've studied what happens. This works. And what's going to happen when you go to high five the mirror is you're either going to laugh out loud and you laugh out loud because it is kind of dorky. I mean, it's funny to be doing this, right? You've never done this before. That's what happened to me the first time I did it? I just kind of laughed because it's so silly. Or the second reaction that you may have is you're going to feel moved emotionally, like you want to cry, or all of a sudden this sadness comes to the surface. And we saw that a lot in the research that we did with the 175,000 people that tried this for five days in a row. That was very, very common for people to burst into tears the first time that they did this. Now, this is where the science gets really cool when we're talking about this habit. And the science I'm referring to is a field of neuroscience called neurobics, which is the fastest way for you to adopt positive new thinking patterns. I've also got studies that I'm going to share with you about why this is so profound. One of the studies is one that we've done where we have had 175,000 people add a high five in the mirror to their morning routine for five days. When I tell you the results of what happens in people's lives by simply high fiving themselves in the mirror to start their day, it is absolutely so profound. And I also love this because anybody of any age, anywhere in the world can do it. All you got to do is high five the mirror in your morning routine after you brush your teeth. And I want you to stick with me on this one. Even if you're like, please, this doesn't seem like me, please. Because you're going to hear two extraordinary stories about the impact that one high five can make in your life. One of those stories is from my husband, Chris. And the other is from another person named Chris, this time a woman, and definitely bring the Kleenex because these are not only moving, but you're gonna have goosebumps. You're gonna feel empowered, encouraged, and excited. I'm not kidding. This is profound. And I know that you struggle with self-love because we all do. I get questions on this topic every single freaking day. Mel, how do I love myself? Like this one from Maria. Hi Mel, this is Maria from Spain. Can you explain how to learn to love yourself? I know I need to love myself as a part of my self-growth, but no one tells you how to do that. I'm curious, is there something I can do about that? I love this question, because she's right. We all know we need to love ourselves, but how the hell do you do that when nobody has taught you how. I think the main reason why this concept of self-love is so hard to implement in our lives is because of the definition of love. If you look in the dictionary, love is defined as a feeling, but that's not what it is. Love is an action. And let's just take an example from your life. When you feel loved by somebody else, it's because of how they treat you. It's because of what they say to you. Like, for example, when Chris brings me a cup of coffee in the morning, I feel loved because of that action. When he says, I love you, Mel, I feel loved because of the action of speaking those words. But when it comes to loving ourselves, we're sitting around waiting for the feeling and yet we're not recognizing the truth about love. You feel loved by other people when they demonstrate it through actions. The secret to self-love is demonstrating to yourself through your own actions toward yourself that you love yourself. And that's why the simple solution to having a breakthrough and loving yourself, the first domino that needs to fall, is something that I call the high five habit. This is a simple habit that I created that is simply adding a high five in the mirror to yourself, to your morning routine. That's what the high five habit is. Now, one of the reasons why I love this habit is because it has so much research. And the habit's very simple. When you wake up tomorrow morning, get yourself out of bed, go into the bathroom, brush your teeth. And then after you brush your teeth, you're going to put your toothbrush down. And the reason why I want you to do it after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth, is because I want to use some science called habit stacking. I want this to be part of your morning routine, what you're about to do. And so I want you to do it right after something that you do every morning, brushing your teeth. That way your brain will encode this high five habit even faster. And here comes the most important part. As you put the toothbrush down, you are going to look in the mirror. This is the hardest part of the high five habit. You're going to look in the mirror and I don't want you to look through the person in the mirror. I want you to realize there's a human being that's standing in the mirror there with you every morning in the bathroom and you have either ignored them or you have looked at all of the things you don't like about that person, whether it's the weight that you've put on or it's the bags under your eyes or for me, it's one boob hanging lower than the other boob. You sit there and judge that person or based on our research and studies, 50% of men and women cannot or will not look at themselves in the mirror. And the reason is so freaking sad. It's because they don't like the person they've become, or they have so many regrets in life about things that they did or the place that they thought that they would be that they can't and won't look at themselves in the mirror. And if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you're every morning demonstrating, not love, you're demonstrating rejection and criticism. And so first step of the high five habit, you are going to put your toothbrush down and you're going to look at yourself in the eye. And it's going to feel weird if you don't normally do this. And the next part of this is very simple. Whenever you feel ready, you're going to raise your hand and you're going to high five the person you see in the mirror. And again, I have so much data on this. I know because we've studied what happens. This works. And what's going to happen when you go to high five the mirror is you're either going to laugh out loud and you laugh out loud because it is kind of dorky. I mean, it's funny to be doing this, right? You've never done this before. That's what happened to me the first time I did it? I just kind of laughed because it's so silly. Or the second reaction that you may have is you're going to feel moved emotionally, like you want to cry, or all of a sudden this sadness comes to the surface. And we saw that a lot in the research that we did with the 175,000 people that tried this for five days in a row. That was very, very common for people to burst into tears the first time that they did this. Now, this is where the science gets really cool when we're talking about this habit. And the science I'm referring to is a field of neuroscience called neurobics, which is the fastest way for you to adopt positive new thinking patterns. I've also got studies that I'm going to share with you about why this is so profound. One of the studies is one that we've done where we have had 175,000 people add a high five in the mirror to their morning routine for five days. When I tell you the results of what happens in people's lives by simply high fiving themselves in the mirror to start their day, it is absolutely so profound. And I also love this because anybody of any age, anywhere in the world can do it. All you got to do is high five the mirror in your morning routine after you brush your teeth. And I want you to stick with me on this one. Even if you're like, please, this doesn't seem like me, please. Because you're going to hear two extraordinary stories about the impact that one high five can make in your life. One of those stories is from my husband, Chris. And the other is from another person named Chris, this time a woman, and definitely bring the Kleenex because these are not only moving, but you're gonna have goosebumps. You're gonna feel empowered, encouraged, and excited. I'm not kidding. This is profound. And I know that you struggle with self-love because we all do. I get questions on this topic every single freaking day. Mel, how do I love myself? Like this one from Maria. Hi Mel, this is Maria from Spain. Can you explain how to learn to love