Share & Bang & Tell with Dan Soder and Katie Nolan

Pablo Torre: As you've probably heard by now, we've teamed up with BetMGM this season. We'll be using BetMGM lines to make all of our picks, and we'll have special offers for our listeners each week. If you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code THEATHLETIC, and you'll get a one-year subscription to The Athletic, plus up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with BetMGM. Here's how it works. Download the BetMGM app and sign up using bonus code THEATHLETIC. Make your first deposit of at least $10, place your first bet on any game, and claim your voucher for a one-year subscription to The Athletic. For new customers only in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. Don't forget, if you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code THEATHLETIC and you'll get a one-year subscription to The Athletic plus up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager.

Paige DeSorbo: Hey, I'm Paige DeSorbo and I'm always thinking about underwear.

Hannah Burner: I'm Hannah Burner and I'm also thinking about underwear, but I prefer full coverage. I like to call them my granny panties.

Paige DeSorbo: Actually, I never think about underwear. That's the magic of Tommy John.

Hannah Burner: Same. They're so light and so comfy. And if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

Paige DeSorbo: And the bras, soft, supportive, and actually breathable.

Hannah Burner: Yes, Lord knows the girls need to breathe.

Paige DeSorbo: Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery soft and stretchy enough for my dramatic tossing and turning at night. That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas. Plus, they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

Hannah Burner: Put yourself on to Tommy John. Upgrade your drawer with Tommy John. Save 25% for a limited time at tommyjohn.com slash comfort. See site for details.

Narrator: In too many Chicago neighborhoods, access to fresh food is a luxury, not a given. Gardeneers is working to change that by supporting school garden programs that empower students to grow their own produce, learn about nutrition, and fight back against systemic food injustice. These aren't just gardens. They're pathways to health, education, and equity. Learn how you can help at Gardeneers.org. Let's grow food justice in Chicago together.

Pablo Torre: I'm Pablo Torre and this episode of Pablo Torre Finds Out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale. Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities. Please drink responsibly. Because today we're going to find out what this sound is.

[Sound effect]

Pablo Torre: What were you doing out there? We put you in the human body for once and you screwed it up. The water goes on the inside. Right after this ad.

Katie Nolan: We left the house and we went, both of us are going to wear brown.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: Because we both feel tan. Because we went to our friend's pool.

Dan Le Batard: I was going to wait.

Katie Nolan: We saw that I have discovered the sun. It's good stuff. Why are people out there all the time?

Dan Le Batard: I had to, last year I got prescribed, like, weapons-grade vitamin D.

Katie Nolan: Me too. They were like, you need to take this every day for a week. You are low.

Dan Le Batard: You guys are, they're going to find this clip in, like, 75 years when we're all mole people. We have to live underground. And they go, could you imagine embracing the sun?

Katie Nolan: Yeah. Well. It feels good. I've been out there and I've been using my SPF. Don't yell at me. Can I share a secret?

Dan Le Batard: Uh-huh.

Katie Nolan: Just here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I started using this right before I got the sun, right before I discovered that the sun will make your skin browner. I got this lotion. And it's supposed to be self-tanning gradually. Because I'm afraid of self-tanner. Because if you do it wrong, your skin is dyed.

Dan Le Batard: Your Italian heritage.

Katie Nolan: It looks crazy. It's a high-stakes decision.

Dan Le Batard: Yes, it's scary.

Katie Nolan: So I dipped my toe in of, like, this says if I use it like lotion, every day I'll get a little bit darker. Which is how it's felt safe to me. I put this shit on one time. Look at my elbows. What the hell's that?

Dan Le Batard: No, I don't.

Katie Nolan: You can just push in on Katie's elbow. It's like, what the, this thing lied to me? I used it once. And I was like, don't have to worry about how I'm applying it. It's a tiny, gradual tan. Lies.

Dan Le Batard: We're a WWE house, so there's no judgment. She's just like a pro wrestler.

Pablo Torre: My mom is a dermatologist. I do not, this is something that you will call me about. She will be mad to hear that I actually just don't use suntan lotion because I'm of the opinion that I have God's natural pigmentation.

Katie Nolan: Pablo.

Pablo Torre: You know, SPF blocker.

Katie Nolan: You don't use blocker at all?

Pablo Torre: At all, at all.

Katie Nolan: You never at all your whole life?

Pablo Torre: I have. Oh, certainly my mom has forced it upon me. I have a makeup removal routine, which Katie has witnessed.

Katie Nolan: Okay, yeah. By the way, the seaport's closed. The ESPN studio's done.

Dan Le Batard: Shut up.

Katie Nolan: I definitely still had stuff there.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, I was going to say. I don't know if you...

Katie Nolan: You really did. I don't think I ever cleaned out that locker I had.

Dan Le Batard: Katie's possessions are now the subject of a storage ward episode. That's sick. Oh, that's cool. That's how that happens.

Katie Nolan: Yeah.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: Wait, so they shut it all down?

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, they moved to a place not far from here. Where they have to pretend you can see the outside?

Katie Nolan: Katie Nolan's possessions, though, will they be CGI replicated?

Dan Le Batard: Yeah. On the new virtual set.

Katie Nolan: What did you have in your locker?

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, I don't remember. Nunchucks?

Katie Nolan: Do not remember. This has happened.

Dan Le Batard: Did you have a cutout picture of Mario Lopez on the inside of your locker door? And I gave it a smooch every day.

Katie Nolan: I feel like you had something super shady in you.

Dan Le Batard: No, no, no. Why did you just fall?

Katie Nolan: I'm sorry. I was remembering. I was having a memory. Okay? I was thinking back to my time when we worked there. It was the building where I found out that Pablo was having a baby. He ran out of work and was like, I need you to do high noon. Goodbye. I'm having a baby right now.

Pablo Torre: That's a fact. That is a factual event.

Katie Nolan: And I was like, I don't, I don't.

Pablo Torre: You did break out into song.

Katie Nolan: I did. And you remember Ben Affleck just ripping cigs. That's the other one. That's exactly what I was thinking of. My locker was right next to when Ben Affleck came in and ripped cigs in the ESPN office. Boston women, immediately their second thought is either Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. It just immediately is like.

Dan Le Batard: The pheromones.

Katie Nolan: He's always right here. He's right here. He's right at the fucking tip of your head, kid. We're thinking of you, Ben. Yeah, but he was just.

Pablo Torre: Oh, I forgot to put my contacts in in the Uber.

Katie Nolan: Smoking cigarettes. Now you're flying blind. I can't see anything. Do I look okay? Should I put the sunglasses back on? Every clip I see of a woman going viral now, she's got sunglasses on. Outside of your elbows being racially profiled, everything looks totally normal.

Dan Le Batard: How do I get rid of this? What do I dip them in ass? They're trying to deport your elbows.

Katie Nolan: They wouldn't tell us at Sirius. There was a celebrity coming in and they were like, you have to go the back way out of the thing. And immediately on the show, we're like, we work here every day. Why do we have to go a different way? And they're like, no, you have to leave through the back door. You have to go the long way and leave through the elevator bank on the backside. And we're like, who is coming? And they're like, we can't tell you. It was fucking Madonna. That was it. I mean, that was, it is crazy. I don't know. She's Madonna.

Dan Le Batard: Listen, I'm going to go with Katie on this one. I know that she did. That protocol feels appropriate.

Katie Nolan: Didn't she show up at the cellar or something? She tried stand-up comedy. She tried stand-up at the comedy.

Dan Le Batard: She has dropped with you, but she is still Madonna. She's done it more than once.

Katie Nolan: Wait, wait, wait. I didn't know that. She's done it twice. She's done stand-up at the comedy cellar. I haven't been there for either.

Dan Le Batard: I was there the first time and didn't watch. Because why would I? He protested. Actually, I don't know. I'm not going to lie. I tried to get the video from Liz, but Liz, the manager of the seller. I love Liz, and Liz is, you know, she's a real one to her job. And she's like, I'm not going to give you Madonna's set. Leave me Madonna's set. Why film it? Come on, I want to watch it. Why film it if we can't have it? Because I heard the second one, she bombed for 30.

Katie Nolan: Well, because first of all, no shit.

Dan Le Batard: I was going to say.

Katie Nolan: Right?

Dan Le Batard: Wait, she was there for 30 minutes?

Katie Nolan: Yeah, that's also. That's ego. She can't tell her she can have five.

Dan Le Batard: I was going to say. She'd be like, are you going five? That's in the category of we don't typically let random pop stars do. This is Ben Affleck smoking in the building. 100%. We don't give 30 minutes. The cellar especially is like you have to get past to get up on stage there.

Katie Nolan: Yeah, but it's the way. But you're not going to say, Madonna, sorry, no. Try the stand. But to her, it's just like a thing. To her, it's just like.

Dan Le Batard: I know. Oh, it's just a room. Oh, it's a comedy club. I don't care. She didn't give a shit. She was like, I just want to do this. I want to scratch this itch. And then she did it. And then the thing that I heard was that when she was like wasn't doing well she was doing the thing where she was going you guys hate me and they go yeah no we love you and then she just bomb again and then she's like you guys are mad at me which so I've adopted that so if you see me live oh I love that if a joke does not hit I love that dancesoder.com for tickets I go you guys are mad at me on tour you can see Dan golden retriever tour kicking off in September let's go unveiling sorry I have to wave my elbow at you

Katie Nolan: No, do it, dude. I love it. I'm a wrestling fan. You're not upsetting me. I watch people in bronzer every Monday and Friday. Keep saying the tour thing.

Dan Le Batard: No, it's just dancender.com and Madonna might be opening. And Dan might be unveiling his sympathy baby voice. Are you guys, do you guys hate me? Just bombing and saying that? It's pretty cool, though. I don't know, man. Somebody's got to try it. Pretty good way out. Somebody has to try it.

Katie Nolan: How often does it happen where someone shows up being like, I, famous person, feel like I should be able to try my hand at this and you should enjoy it. Rarely if ever.

Dan Le Batard: I think it's like Madonna is obviously Madonna. Even though I tried to act like they kicked his ass ears for Madonna. And it was only Madonna. Because I thought it was going to be Prince.

Katie Nolan: Oh.

Dan Le Batard: I thought that's who it was the whole time.

Katie Nolan: Oh, because you got hyped on it being somebody and then you were like...

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, and I was upset that it was Madonna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, no, the seller doesn't like celebrities just go do stand-up. I think that was like a unique case.

Katie Nolan: I like Madonna just doing observational comedy. She's like, what's the deal with why do I have cones on my breasts? My breasts aren't cones. You go, Madonna, that's brilliant. Someone has that style already. That's already, you're not going to believe this. Someone does that. What's the deal with sex books? I put one out in the 90s. I don't even know. That's not even a joke. These are good references. That book was wild.

Dan Le Batard: Wait, her book? Her sex book that she got in trouble for.

Katie Nolan: Hold on, I gotta, this is something that I'm unfortunately not as familiar with.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, it's titled Sex. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, buddy.

Katie Nolan: I believe it's called Sexbook.

Dan Le Batard: It's called Sexbook? Look it up.

Katie Nolan: I think I just acquired a PDF of it.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, good. Free?

Katie Nolan: Might be pixelated.

Dan Le Batard: I think I'm pirating Madonna's sexbook. Okay. I'll teach you how to fuck. You don't read it out loud. I don't know, maybe.

Katie Nolan: I was going to say, is this Madonna's sexbook? And page eight is...

Dan Le Batard: Oh, yeah, yeah. Is that. Madonna's nipple. That's Madonna, right?

Katie Nolan: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Okay. I mean, she is blindfolded.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, yeah, true. She does have the... Is it a blindfold?

Katie Nolan: Yeah, it is. Back when people were still actively using...

Pablo Torre: I said Pabla, thanks. He's circling her nipple with his cursor like I don't see it. Okay. And this, you'll see right here, this is a nipple. This is not... This is not something that...

Katie Nolan: It's child.

Pablo Torre: ...to know that I was doing.

Katie Nolan: No, you could save... It sounds worse than it...

Pablo Torre: You could save the tab.

Katie Nolan: Yeah, this isn't a snuff film. We don't have to do this. This is a book that was released.

Pablo Torre: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: You can buy this book. It's black and white and very tasteful.

Pablo Torre: Yeah, that was the thing. They were like, oh, it's art. Get over it. Get over it, squares. So what? I'm sucking my finger and looking at my nipple. Whatever.

Katie Nolan: That was like a big deal, though. I was obviously hitting puberty around the time that thing was coming out.

Pablo Torre: Obviously, yeah.

Katie Nolan: So it was like... Formative.

Pablo Torre: So I made it look like, what is this? It's the book. What does sex mean? Now I got to go back to the bathroom. I'm peeing a lot. Peeing a lot and it's taking a long time. I drink a lot of water. Hydration's very important to me at 12 years old. I'm currently reading the New York Times review.

Katie Nolan: Oh.

Pablo Torre: What'd they give it? The title is The Empress Has No Clothes. So I'm guessing this is going to lean a bit negative.

Katie Nolan: Oh.

Pablo Torre: Now that, kids, is called Context Clues. What Pablo's doing there would be taught in a class called Reading Comprehension.

Katie Nolan: Do they do that anymore? I don't think. It doesn't appear that way, at least.

Pablo Torre: Here's the kicker. Some people think Madonna never did have talent or humor or appeal, but I am not one of them.

Katie Nolan: Okay, that's a weird way to say that.

Pablo Torre: Has she ever seen her at the cellar?

Katie Nolan: Oh, my God.

Pablo Torre: She always had a witty edge to her act that suggested she was not taking herself too seriously. Maybe sex can be a warning about what happens when pop icons become bloated one way or another. Think of Elvis in Las Vegas, and you'll have an idea of where Madonna is heading if she doesn't watch out, period. 1992, page seven of the National Edition of the New York Times. Whoa. So. Okay.

Katie Nolan: You know.

Pablo Torre: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: I do appreciate, though, the amount of nipple. You're still looking at it while we sit here looking at you? This is your podcast. You invited us here to watch you look at Madonna's tits. You see him go like this. Okay. Okay. I amped. And oh, I got a lip. A lower lip.

Dan Le Batard: Anyways, Dan, how are the Giants doing?

Katie Nolan: Whoa. Betty. 86. Tab that. We'll re-tab that one.

Dan Le Batard: Anyways, Katie, what's up with your orange elbows?

Katie Nolan: Double click. Save as. I'm going to pin this.

Pablo Torre: Oh, right. All right. I'm going to do some light reading after the show.

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Paige DeSorbo: Hey, I'm Paige DeSorbo, and I'm always thinking about underwear.

Hannah Burner: I'm Hannah Burner and I'm also thinking about underwear, but I prefer full coverage. I like to call them my granny panties.

Paige DeSorbo: Actually, I never think about underwear. That's the magic of Tommy John.

Hannah Burner: Same. They're so light and so comfy. And if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

Paige DeSorbo: And the bras, soft, supportive, and actually breathable.

Hannah Burner: Yes, Lord knows the girls need to breathe.

Paige DeSorbo: Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery soft and stretchy enough for my dramatic tossing and turning at night. That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas. Plus, they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

Hannah Burner: Put yourself on to Tommy John. Upgrade your drawer with Tommy John. Save 25% for a limited time at TommyJohn.com slash comfort. See site for details.

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Pablo Torre: Do you guys pin any tabs on your browser?

Dan Le Batard: I have a bunch pinned. And then once that bookmarks tab on my browser is full, like the ones I can see. You'll go to like tiny dot level like tab size.

Katie Nolan: Yeah. I usually just keep tabs open. I have to keep deleting tabs on my phone because I'm at 500 for the browsing group.

Dan Le Batard: No way.

Katie Nolan: Yes.

Dan Le Batard: No way.

Katie Nolan: And I'll go back through them and then I'll go like, I do still want to read that article. Not right now.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: But later.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah. Your phone must be extraordinarily slow.

Katie Nolan: No. If you go back 500, if you go to like post like.

Dan Le Batard: What do you mean if? Let's break this thing out. If you go to post like 50, how long ago is it? Now we're podcasting. Is that like 2021? You are a tab hoarder.

Katie Nolan: Yes. I've things to do.

Pablo Torre: Oh my God, Katie.

Katie Nolan: No time to do this. This is like going into your house and seeing a bunch of magazine stacks. This is from when we moved into the apartment.

Dan Le Batard: Great.

Katie Nolan: So a couple years ago.

Dan Le Batard: Two years ago.

Katie Nolan: Yeah. Two and a half years ago. I have a tab for custom neon sign because I was going to make us one that said Sky Palace.

Dan Le Batard: Love it.

Katie Nolan: I was going to hang it up in there.

Dan Le Batard: I do love that. Sky Palace. You guys do have a Sky Palace. That's what we call it. It's the best.

Katie Nolan: That's why you called it that.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah. It's a reference to something else. Live up tall.

Katie Nolan: No, yeah, it's because it's a Sky Palace. Then we get high and get scared that we're up high. Then I have an Atlantic article called Pixar's Talking Blobs Are Becoming More and More Unsatisfying.

Dan Le Batard: All right. Someone hating on Pixar. Don't love to see that.

Katie Nolan: This was in 2023, June of 2023. The fantastical world of Elemental masks a lack of imagination.

Pablo Torre: Were you meaning to get back to that at some point?

Katie Nolan: Yeah, I still am.

Pablo Torre: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: That's why it's there.

Pablo Torre: You want to go dig through the...

Katie Nolan: I go, good headline. I do want that. Just not... I don't have a reason to need it now. And then later, I'll try to remember that it exists, won't be able to find it, and will be frustrated. This isn't advice on how to live your life. It's me showing my mental illness to you.

Dan Le Batard: Do you feel like any urge when you see that? You go, I don't need to know that now. This was... If I do, I delete it.

Katie Nolan: Yeah, so that... I don't feel that on that. I would still like to...

Pablo Torre: I was going to say, for the audience...

Katie Nolan: You still need to know about this picture. The audience needs to know Katie has kept that tab. Yes, and I'm keeping it... choosing again right now to keep it. I just want to let everyone know, I'm currently 42 years old. That was when I was still in my 30s.

Dan Le Batard: Crazy.

Katie Nolan: That tab was when I was still in my 30s. And while we're doing this, I just want everyone to know, I am still in my 30s.

Dan Le Batard: Was Jeffrey Epstein alive when that tab was open?

Katie Nolan: Potentially. I don't know what you're talking about, dude. He did nothing wrong. Can we move forward? We don't even have a list. Why do you guys keep bringing up a list? Who mentioned the list? Oh my god, you guys are obsessed with J.E. Oh my god. Big J.E. Big app. It's very normal to have footage missing one minute of the jail.

Pablo Torre: The reason I want that Pixar thing is because as we plunge towards our AI slop future, I have imagined that it would be very easy, sooner to AI generate an entire Pixar movie than to AI generate one that is supposed to look like it's really people. And I just feel like, I don't know, I feel like there's something there. We got to look closer.

Katie Nolan: Yeah.

Pablo Torre: All right. Save some evidence.

Dan Le Batard: I keep thinking about how AI now, we always thought it was going to be like a computer. It might get there. Like computers talking and being like aware of their existence. But we've just reached the stage where it's like, where they do the side panels on porn websites where it's like Peter having sex with Lois. Like that's just where we're at with AI. We're like, I don't want to watch Homer bang Marge. I want to like recreate my dead father so I can have a conversation with him. I don't want to do this. You're doing that. I was going to ask you about this actually in the realm of like one of your great gifts, Dan, which is like, are you worried that AI is going to get good at impressions?

Dan Le Batard: They already are. It's like impressive. It's like crazy. They do like, and I eat some of the slop. I'm acting like I don't eat slop.

Katie Nolan: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What slop are you, what are you?

Dan Le Batard: Hank Hill, Hank Hill trap wrapping. I don't know if you've seen that. I don't know if you've seen Hank Hill busting it out.

Katie Nolan: Katie's fishing through 200 tabs at the moment.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, I can find that tab.

Katie Nolan: Oh, yeah, no. In about two seconds.

Dan Le Batard: But I don't know why. I don't know this. I don't know. Wait, this is Trap King of the Hill.

Katie Nolan: Yeah, it just cracks me up. And...

Dan Le Batard: Oh, wait, this is... Okay, I have one after this that I do want to play for you guys. That is awesome. You're just having a slop-off?

Katie Nolan: Yeah, slop-off.

Dan Le Batard: I'm over here sharing Atlantic articles. You do it like, check out my slop.

Katie Nolan: It's July. I know. It is July. You need slop.

Dan Le Batard: But they're doing, like, full songs and I didn't know that they did, like, kind of cut a full album with Hank Hill. And I'm like, all right, well, this is... Too much.

[AI-generated rap music plays]

AI Hank Hill: I told all the ops to eat shit and get cancer, too. Bobby got that cell phone stick. You better answer, dude. My wife got a body on that shit. She a dancer, too. It's big Hank. Shit they talking about? Shit a money sprint. I cannot hold it. It's a large amount.

Dan Le Batard: I need AI Boomhauer to ad-lib over this. So they got the whole album. The guys peep the album. Go follow them. I love it. I know it's gross. Shit. But that's... That's... I'm gonna... We have to allow ourselves to do little, like, okay, that was stupid. It's so dumb. Like, if I slow down and I watch one video of AI cutting glass fruit.

Katie Nolan: You love that.

Dan Le Batard: It's just one.

Katie Nolan: Oh, God. You're the one who is. She loves it. It scratches her itch, dude.

Pablo Torre: The way that the knife. What about it?

Katie Nolan: It's the sound the knife makes as it cuts through the glass fruit. It's the fact that my brain goes, that doesn't, it doesn't matter.

Pablo Torre: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: As soon as it starts to go, you couldn't possibly, it goes, shh, shh, shh.

Pablo Torre: There's a reason, listen, all of this is coming to fruition. This was MKUltra, and it's all coming to fruition now where they're finding ways to scratch our brains like dogs.

Katie Nolan: Yes.

Pablo Torre: Where it scratches a certain thing, because...

Katie Nolan: That's exactly what's up. It's because everything feels bad. So we're all just going, can I feel good for a second? But like, Katie hates ASMR, but that is kind of a form of ASMR because you're hearing that who said that? I thought you didn't like ASMR it doesn't do for me what it does for the people it fucking does it sorry you're more of an AI knife cutting glass yeah those are ASMR but they found a way that's what I'm saying they like found a way where you go I don't need that scratched and you go except if you scratch it like that that's fucking exactly what I want that is nice I do like that but you have to go and now we're done your foot is tapping on the ground rapidly as you're watching this and now we're done and then you gotta shut the door and I love videos of guys with dreads, like big dreads.

Pablo Torre: We were talking about AI.

Katie Nolan: I know, but I'm talking about scratching that itch. You're talking, that's again, that's in the Dr. Pimple Popper coaching.

Pablo Torre: Yes. Yes, that's right. That's exactly.

Katie Nolan: Everybody's got their pimple, dread shape, whatever makes you feel relief when it happens to whatever it is. Like people with a ton of hair and they cut it and they're like, oh, look at all that. The water hitting their scalp. Like washing a dog.

Pablo Torre: Yeah.

Dan Le Batard: This is the AI. This could be anything. This is Homer Simpson. Yeah, bang it. Marge in front of Barney. This is him romancing Marge by performing at a concert that is populated by AI-generated cartoon characters. But this is Homer singing Starlight by Muse.

[AI-generated music plays]

Dan Le Batard: Beautiful. Homer's got a lovely voice. And Shrek is into it. Big Muse guy. Also, Shrek loves Muse, too. Shrek loves Muse. He'll come out of the forest for it. In other words, Dan, you are not worried. You are mostly kind of—

Dan Le Batard: It's inevitable. What am I going to do? But I also think, if I may, my favorite thing about your ability to do voices isn't just that you do voices. It's that you then apply it to make whatever joke you've made funnier.

Katie Nolan: Yeah. Thank you. It's always been my issue with people that do voices that everyone's like, oh, you're offended. I'm like, no, it just didn't serve the joke. It was the joke itself was you doing the voice. Whereas I'd rather you use the voice to tell a joke. And Dan does that. Let me finish complimenting you. AI will never be. I think the last thing AI is going to be good at is humor. I don't think AI is funny.

Pablo Torre: Oh, I agree. I agree with that. It's like too hard for it to get. It tries too hard in a way that you're like, you don't get it.

Katie Nolan: Because humor is fundamentally social, implicit, context clues.

Pablo Torre: Right. And that's like the deepest layer.

Dan Le Batard: That's so true, Bob. Is that. That's so true. Humans, we're very emotional. We're like the most emotional animal ever. So I don't think AI will be able to replicate that because like, especially with music, when you hear AI music now, you're like, it is, it misses something.

Katie Nolan: Yeah.

Dan Le Batard: It misses like soul to it. There's no like, you can, they can make it sound pleasing or whatever. And I know with music, especially, you can trick it by like the counts and stuff that you're like, it is somewhat mathematical, but I just think AI will never be able to replicate like the human soul.

Pablo Torre: If you read something written by ChatGPT, or like, what's the Twitter one, Grock?

Dan Le Batard: So we're speaking, by the way. Smarmy humor. Grock at this moment has been, like, actually deactivated. He's going. Oh, he's there off. They turned it off. People are trying to ask Grock, and Grock is not responding. Grock's going to be the first Netflix doc about AI, where he was like, I was mistreated. If Elon ever sells off Grock, and someone else buys it, they do the Netflix doc, where they're like, were you abused? He told me to be liberal Then conservative And then liberal again Grok is being managed Like a boy band right now

Katie Nolan: Yeah

Dan Le Batard: Easy

Katie Nolan: Yeah

Dan Le Batard: Elon's his Lou Pearlman

Katie Nolan: I think the problem with humans is We're starting to give Like kids those ampic and shit And we're like Losing our funny and lonely kids Like doing voices Was a thing Out of pure loneliness Just like being funny for myself And then fat kids You need fat kids We need Right right AI macho man Doesn't have the trauma that No He's gotta be alone Learning how to cut promos on his roommate because you know ai didn't have to clean a sink full of dishes and get mad about it

Pablo Torre: Here's a question I was thinking about this yesterday. Sometimes I in this current climate hesitate to say something I think because someone's going to ascribe me a political party and then say that that's what I and so I but what political party is this if I feel like in terms of wealth if you reach a certain amount like let's say however much Peter Thiel has you should be able define you when you say in an interview something along the lines of, I don't know if humanity should exist forever and continue. You would prefer the human race to endure, right? You're hesitating. Yes?

Katie Nolan: I don't know. I would, I would.

Pablo Torre: This is a long hesitation. There's so many questions in place. Should the human race survive? We should be able to fine you the way that the NBA would fine a player when they disparage the refs. Oh, when they go like, that call was bullshit. And then they go like, you gotta give us $25,000. You can't do that. Peter Thiel. It undermines the game. Peter Thiel would feel like you're trying to wipe out humanity. You gotta give us $2 billion. There should be replay review.

Dan Le Batard: Yes, and we should go, what, show that. First of all, stop doing interviews. That guy can't talk uncomfortably. So this video, KD's description is not in any way an exaggeration. No, he goes, do you think humanity The guy asks it pretty flat out.

Katie Nolan: Well, and then he adjusts, and he's like, it's sounding like you're hesitating quite a bit.

Pablo Torre: It's Ross Douthat, who's like the New York Times conservative columnist, who's just like, kind of like putting a question on a tee.

Katie Nolan: Yeah.

Pablo Torre: Hey, humans are, you still like humans, right?

Pablo Torre: And he goes, wow. No, Peter Thiel's just like Nomar Garciaparra-ing. Yes. Like verbal wristband adjustment for 30 seconds. It's the way every interview I see of this guy. He's wet in a wrong way. Something is moist that isn't in its place, and it's wrong. And he's breathing funny. And he takes these long pauses. I'm trying to teach myself to slow down and allow some silence. He is the worst case. You leave so much silence. And then he does the like, "well, and I, um, and I," and he seems so nervous that you're like...

Dan Le Batard: A lot of buffering. A lot of physical buffering.

Pablo Torre: I know you're full of boy blood, but I don't like somebody that nervous. Alleged blood boys. That nervous to have that much money and to be running our upcoming human experiments, known as the whatever Olympics that he's doing.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, he's doing the Royce. Funding the Royce Olympics.

Pablo Torre: He's so nervous. I think he goes back to the spaceship and they go like, "What were you doing out there? We put you in the human body for once and you screwed it up. The water goes on the inside." And he goes like, "Why? I don't know. I was stressed out. They asked me about humans. I was, you want me to tell them that they're supposed to live?"

Katie Nolan: Ross Douthat is a very skilled interviewer.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, come on. We set it up. It was a gotcha question.

Katie Nolan: The liberals go too much off emotion. The conservatives off just stuff.

Dan Le Batard: Peter Thiel needs a Jordan. Wow. To jump in and go. He needs to be momaged.

Pablo Torre: Oh, yeah. He needs to be momaged so badly. Yeah, just go get a, you know. I don't know, dude. Just what are you doing? You make me so uncomfortable. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I want Peter to have a Jordan Hudson.

Dan Le Batard: It's just a weird. It really would help, actually.

Pablo Torre: I mean, he could afford one. He could afford, like, the biggest king b**** out there. Just pay a lady, like, you know, $100 million.

Dan Le Batard: The biggest king b****. Yeah, just to go, like, man or woman. Just to go. Non-derogatory. Non-derogatory. We're just going, like, "Hey, we're not talking about that."

Pablo Torre: I'll do it. "Hey, he doesn't answer questions about humans, you stupid b****." And then Peter goes, "Thank you, Dan." and I go, "You're welcome." I'll be eating my crack. Throw a flush in his mouth. When he throws a treat.

Dan Le Batard: It does feel like Peter Thiel. By the way, I'm buying a compound on New Zealand because this thing's about to get fried.

Pablo Torre: Peter Thiel does have men in black, cockroach guy, alien. Yes, what's his fucking deal? He's got any sugar. What's his deal?

Katie Nolan: More. Oh, yeah, as I'm saying that, should I, he's gay, right? I didn't mean to say that he needs a Jordan in the sense that he needs to...

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, that's the part that he'll be offended by.

Pablo Torre: I didn't mean to. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I forgot for a second. That, uh, that's the reason you shut down Gawker.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, that's the whole thing. He funded Hogan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you gonna do when I get funded by a billionaire, brother?

Pablo Torre: I just think we should be able to say, you have to pay us money. You can't do that. I'm gonna go, "Ew, why you wet?" That's what I'm sorry. What's this? "Ew, you dewy ass." What's this? "Shut your dewy ass up." He's like, "Oh, um, I need more sugar."

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Dan Le Batard: I wish we had like a cool villain. All the villains we got are like...

Pablo Torre: Yeah, Bond villains were cool. They got no taste, no style, no...

Dan Le Batard: Where is the volcano with the opening platform?

Pablo Torre: So I think I have an answer. The Bezos wedding was like, what is this? Bezos, it was a Bond villain. Why is there gray carpet in the forest or whatever?

Dan Le Batard: The Bezos wedding would have been a Bond villain wedding if it was like on an inaccessible island. That's what they should have done. It was instead in Times Square. It was an Italian Times Square.

Katie Nolan: But wasn't it on the islands, like, off? Skull Island. Wasn't it right off of Venice? Like, it's not—it wasn't on the main Venice.

Dan Le Batard: No, they were all staying in hotels in Venice, and then there was, like, a thing that was slightly more removed. But it was very photographable.

Pablo Torre: I think the people who are doing the villain stuff that you guys are describing— so this is—I will anonymize this story because legal reasons. But I was just talking to somebody who inadvertently wound up on a boat that he claims involved another boat following it. And that boat was full of, and this is, again, this is not something I've reported, just a story I was just told, was full of prostitutes. And it like docked inside the bigger boat.

Dan Le Batard: Okay.

Pablo Torre: A little preview of things to come. And it went to a Caribbean island, and the owner of the boat was revealed to be, I think this is general enough for me to say, a Russian billionaire who also owns a very prominent soccer team.

Dan Le Batard: No way. So I'm like, when I heard that story, this was two days ago. Guys live in GTA. Guys live in Grand Theft Auto in real life. Whole boat of hookers into bigger boat. And then we do Hooker Island. Like, that's the party you want to go to, not Bezos' where they're all giving, like, sh**. That's all we're asking. Like, man. Why can't American billionaires do that?

Pablo Torre: I'll tell you what. I know we've been shitting on the boy. I know we've been shitting on old Peter Thiel. But this steroid Olympics. People are going to die.

Katie Nolan: Well, we're reaching the part of society where that will.

Dan Le Batard: Scary. Running Man is like, there's a new one coming out, which doesn't look that good.

Katie Nolan: There is?

Dan Le Batard: Glenn Jacobs as Arnold's role.

Katie Nolan: Glenn Jacobs? That's his name? No. Who's the guy that was in? Oh, Glenn Powell. Glenn Powell. Who's in everything now.

Pablo Torre: I do recognize that name. Who is that? Was that my old boss at ESPN?

Dan Le Batard: I think it is. I think so. Glenn Jacobs was there for the ESPN phone.

Pablo Torre: Glenn Jacobs was recently named vice president of production for MMA. Shout out Glenn Jacobs. He was my first boss at ESPN before they moved him around and re-org'd and re-org'd and re-org'd and then I think laid him off.

Dan Le Batard: Is that Kane's name from WWE? Maybe. Can you check if that's Kane from now the mayor of...

Pablo Torre: Glenn Thomas Jacobs, also known by his ring name Kane.

Dan Le Batard: Son of a b**ch, that's Kane! I wish you could hit the red effects. Did he do that when in 2018 he became the mayor of Knox County, Tennessee?

Katie Nolan: Oh, yeah.

Dan Le Batard: Damn, Knox County feels like a popular county in Tennessee. I feel like I've—

Katie Nolan: Would that be where Knoxville is?

Pablo Torre: Katie, its county seat is Knoxville.

Katie Nolan: Back to this steroid Olympics. You're excited for it?

Pablo Torre: It's just— No, I'm not. I feel the same way about it as I do about a Paul brother boxing. I get the gist. If it hits me on the right Saturday.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah.

Pablo Torre: I just think someone's going to die. I just think they're going to put too much stuff in. They're going to, their heart's going to f***. It's going to be like that jacked dog that looks like it can't walk.

Katie Nolan: Yeah, the ache. When you get those pipples that you're like, it's just muscle. Or the kangaroos too.

Dan Le Batard: Oh yeah. Giant yoked kangaroos.

Katie Nolan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they want to compete.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: So I think they're going to be pushing their, whatever sport they're doing. Yeah, it could end up in death. But I don't think they're going to be like, Do you think they're going to be like hot dog balls of muscle?

Pablo Torre: I don't know. I think they're going to try. The way they're marketing it now, and it has changed over the years since they've had this idea, but the current angle they're taking, which seems to be working, is that they want to test the limits of human capability.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah.

Pablo Torre: And so they're like, you're holding us back by saying we can't use these drugs to enhance our bodies to achieve more.

Dan Le Batard: Sure.

Pablo Torre: So, in fact, to unite some stray threads we've been dangling here, The idea is the brainchild of Dr. Aaron D'Souza, the Australian lawyer who helped mastermind Thiel's proxy war against news media organization Gawker, which led to Gawker's bankruptcy in 2016. Furthermore, in a recent interview with The Independent, D'Souza was defiant and outlined how he hoped the enhanced games would not only shake up the world of sport, but provide a public platform for life-extending science to thrive. Quote, "this is the route towards eternal life."

Dan Le Batard: Yes, yes.

Pablo Torre: D'Souza said.

Dan Le Batard: That's never gone wrong. Anyone that's ever sought that out. Nothing bad has ever happened. Only good can come from this.

Katie Nolan: Can't relate to the desire. To want to live forever.

Dan Le Batard: Well, my love, that's because you have depression. How many people are out here going this, but always Katie, I will say. Not me. I'm going, how much longer do we have to do this for? What is left on the clock? When do I get to go to sleep?

Pablo Torre: I will say your internet search history suggests that you plan on living forever.

Katie Nolan: Well, let me go back because we really did only get to one article there. And there's a lot in here.

Pablo Torre: What if I told you you could live forever? How to reheat chicken parm, always important.

Dan Le Batard: How does y'all want to do that wrong?

Pablo Torre: I'm going to step in as your, you know, future husband and tell you to keep that tab.

Katie Nolan: I do. That's, yeah. You don't have to step in.

Dan Le Batard: Wait, what's the strategy? I'm thinking of you all. I saw you go to that ex. What's the strategy? Right next to it, Ronnie Lott signature. It was your birthday. I was going to say, either you're trying to steal Ronnie Lott's identity or getting Dan a great birthday gift. Yep. Which is it?

Pablo Torre: What's wrong with normal chicken parm reheating?

Katie Nolan: With chicken parm, you have the chicken. It's real teal-like. You have the chicken that, you know, a microwave heats from the inside out. So that's something to keep in mind. So you have the chicken that you need to get warm. You have the breading that you need to get crispy. That could get soggy pretty easily. You don't want that. And then you have cheese that you don't want.

Dan Le Batard: Are we having a contest of how to do it? I can click on the tab and tell you what it says.

Pablo Torre: As someone who often reheats chicken parm, now I'm like, this is a bit of news I can use.

Katie Nolan: Yeah, we got to find out what you need. You want everything to be reheated in a way that makes— the best place to heat up the dish is in the oven. The dry heat will make sure the breaded chicken has a perfectly crisp texture and that your pasta doesn't get too soft.

Dan Le Batard: Well, this is assuming you have pasta in there, too.

Katie Nolan: I would do that separately, so that's crazy. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe this is a bad link, too. There are a lot of paragraphs. Instant pots? I don't know what that is. I don't know what an instant pot is. This is a choose-your-own-adventure of reading it. Stovetop. It tells you how to do it in all the different ways. To do it in the skillet if you want. It's basically, yes, choose your own adventure.

Pablo Torre: I know we were talking about your locker earlier at ESPN, but this does feel like the end of the school year cleaning out your locker and being like, "oh, I found this. I was supposed to turn this assignment in and I didn't." That's what it feels like. The New Yorker 100, "The Case Against Travel" by Agnes Collard. "It turns us into the worst version of ourselves while convincing us that we're at our best."

Katie Nolan: Oh, interesting. Save that. And as a lady who likes to sit, I was like, I love when somebody advocates loudly for just sitting.

Pablo Torre: Back to the Royd Olympics. Do they have a date? Do they have like any?

Dan Le Batard: Yes. So it's going to happen. It's next summer, I think. In Vegas and it's, I think, next, or October. Of course it's Vegas. Something's telling me October, but.

Pablo Torre: May 2026, the Enhanced Games. And it is in Las Vegas. And is it like track and field? They are scheduled to include track and field, swimming, weightlifting, gymnastics.

Dan Le Batard: That's going to be crazy.

Pablo Torre: And combat sports.

Dan Le Batard: Combat sports is the dangerous one. But man, I'm not gonna be able to turn away. I know. Admittedly we've been like, we've been talking about this on our show a lot. Like, should we in terms of like, should we do this on our show? And at every turn I'm just kind of like, again I kind of get it. But now that I hear about this eternal life thing, I'm like, it's so funny that that's it's like not a good commercial for that where they go and we think it's a good commercial for eternal life. You should go just start with extending it.

Katie Nolan: Start with extending it. If it's you and me and we're still around, I would live with you forever. Thanks. But like, if anything happens to you and then they figure out eternal life, and I'm like, well, no.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, guys, we already covered this. It's called Dracula.

Katie Nolan: Yeah. Damn.

Dan Le Batard: Guys, we've already, Anne Rice and Bram Stoker have covered this topic.

Pablo Torre: Can I tell you guys about one tab that I've been meaning to show both of you?

Katie Nolan: Yeah.

Pablo Torre: Unless it's the sex book again, Pablo.

Dan Le Batard: I know what a nipple looks like.

Pablo Torre: Yeah. I've minimized that. I have three of them. Some of us were there when the book came out. The thing I wanted to show you actually is this. [Audio plays: "Drive the fuck up there or you're going to get put the fuck out of here."] Have you guys seen this? Dan, have you seen this? [Audio continues: "I'll fucking promise you that. Hurry up. We're on a golf course. He's not. Not that fucking tough. They sound Canadian. This is Canada. You're not fucking tough. You're not tough. You're not tough. Let's get going. Get going."]

Dan Le Batard: So smaller guy in like a very loud Dan Flashes shirt. Sunglasses, shorts.

Pablo Torre: This is golf. This is golf now.

Dan Le Batard: God, they're Canadian. "You need me to go get a guy, bud?" Guys just casually lining up a shot. Beautiful blue sky. Guy doesn't know how to film the action. They're still mad. That is crazy.

Pablo Torre: So that's the dispute at the core of this. And this short guy-ish with the shirt, the loud shirt, and the glove, and the shorts. I love a guy hitting a cry about it. I bought it. And he has the high ground.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, glasses are off. Still got the golf glove. Oh, golf head. Nice. Take the glove off. Gloveless. He's de-gloved. No. He's a boot? Woo! Yeah, we will. Okay. Go now. Pack up. Go now. Cameraman's on whose side? Hard to tell so far. This guy clapping. This guy's doing a haka dance. Come on, man. Is he going to the lake? Get in the water. Yeah. Squish splash taking a bath.

Pablo Torre: "I told you. You want to know? He just f***ing came at me. I got it all."

Dan Le Batard: Oh, he's coming out of the water. Swamp thing. Swamp thing. Boop him. Boop. He's a big boy, too. "Stop, guy. Bang! Bang!"

Pablo Torre: Oh, my God. He's saying bang. He's saying bang. "Enough!"

Dan Le Batard: Dude, this guy is just like, no, you know what? Oh, my God, he won't stop. Yo! That's a big brother toss. "Get the fuck out of here. Please get up. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back, Ramor." He's the Terminator. My shirts are falling off. "Stop looking like an idiot."

Pablo Torre: Smashing someone's face and saying bang is objectively hilarious. Just Mike Breening him as your... Boom. You have to reveal who they are. So, when you said this is going to live forever, the guy who is the... He's not the aggressor, actually, but he is the guy... Bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, banging that guy's face. I texted a phone number we acquired for him. Because we identified him and the internet has now identified him as a gentleman by the name of Nick Tarnaski.

Dan Le Batard: Okay.

Pablo Torre: Who you may vaguely recall from his previous life as NHL enforcer. I mean... He played for the Tampa Bay Lightning, Nashville Predators, and Florida Panthers. According to data from HockeyFights.com, his professional fight record... Oh my God. Totals 167 fights. Which explains the "I tried to tell you to shut up" energy. Like, I warned you.

Dan Le Batard: Also makes the guy, when he's going, "woo, woo." You're like, "buddy, you have no idea what the tree you're barking up right now is absolutely. You have to listen to me. You do not want this."

Pablo Torre: That's the coolest moment where he goes, "I'm trying to give you my Liam Neeson. Please, please, please, please. I have acquired a certain amount of CTE in the NHL. I'm about to unleash that CTE." It's not going to stop. If you come down that hill, I will put you in the swamp. You will come back out. I will say bang, bang, bang.

Dan Le Batard: I like that he's calling bang. And also the technique. He's like Emeril Lagasse. He's like "bang! Boom! We're going to make this spicy!"

Pablo Torre: Yeah, that's the coolest shit. If I could fight, I would absolutely be saying bang as I rang a dude's bell.

Katie Nolan: I'd sound out of breath embarrassed. I'd be like "bang! Please someone... Bang! This is a lot of activity."

Dan Le Batard: I want you to ring my bell. Ring my bell. Bang, bang. I'd be singing that if I were.

Pablo Torre: Steel Roof Rusty. That is a, that's his nickname?

Dan Le Batard: Tin? Tin? F*** it. Hey, Roof Rusty. That is great. That's really good.

Katie Nolan: Thanks. My dad loves the B-52s. That's a great B-52. My dad loves the B-52s. To the point where they said they were going on their. They shared it. Their goodbye tour or whatever. They did the Cher thing. And then they're back now.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah.

Katie Nolan: And you're like, my dad spent all that money to go.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, no, I was saying Cher does that. Cher, like, back in the day would go like, "I'm retiring. Good luck finding me. How dare you? How dare you?" The Cher's tight 30. Isn't it more downhill? Where it used to be. She's like, "I'm back, motherfuckers." And then it was like, you said you were gone. She's like, "hello." Anyways. Shout out Fresno. Were we supposed to talk about your hair at some point?

Pablo Torre: Don't cut it. I'm in the don't cut camp. I do think that if I wore like a Three Ninjas headband, it would look cool.

Dan Le Batard: Man, Three Ninjas really had us out here thinking we could beat up grown men.

Katie Nolan: Tum Tum vibes?

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, Tum Tum.

Katie Nolan: Wait, I had a crush on one of them. Which ninja did I have a crush on? Colt. Absolutely Colt. You wouldn't go Rocky. I know you. Rocky was the alpha. Colt was the second best.

Pablo Torre: Thank you. It's the JC Chasse thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you would have liked Colt. And I would say if anybody, I would be Colt. Right, no, it's the NSYNC, the home improvement, the three ninjas. Like, you have a Goldilocks zone of handsome boys. Obviously, everyone wants JTT. He obviously everyone's brought right here. But I had a photo of Apollo Anton Ono hanging up in my bedroom.

Dan Le Batard: Shout out to Soul Patch.

Pablo Torre: But Three Ninjas really had a generation of little boys believing with a small amount of mini-mall taekwondo, we could beat up grown men that are criminals.

Katie Nolan: Yes. I hope no one ever tested that.

Dan Le Batard: You could help hardened FBI agents in their investigations.

Katie Nolan: Yeah. Their father was an FBI agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pablo Torre: You would think that, like, the Bang Bang Bang video we watched, like a grown man watches a kid go to a karate stance, and he goes, "you don't want to do this, kid. I'm a man. You're a little boy." And he's like, "I just watched the three ninjas ten times in a row. I got you." And he goes to kick, and he just grabs it, and he goes like, then it's like being in the water with an alligator.

Dan Le Batard: They also make you think that you can put, there's like an abundance of stuff you can put in someone's drink that'll make them shit right away. Or they go, "ooh." Yeah. Like, they won't go in. That's like kids' movies made you think like quicksand, I feel like, and that were going to be more prominent.

Katie Nolan: They also made you think by taking someone's hand as a little child, you could flip a groundwork.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, and you can. You just go like this. It's just like, you got to get it at the right angle. Do it! I say in the little kid voice, "you got to go with it!"

Pablo Torre: I am one of those kids, incidentally. Like, I took karate classes and Taekwondo classes. Those commercials were very intimidating. I was never a Tiger Sheldon dojo.

Katie Nolan: That's great. I never did that.

Dan Le Batard: How long did you do karate for? What belt did you get to do?

Pablo Torre: I, I, the most embarrassing thing is that I never even got a blue belt. I was just like a series of like off white. Just, and an occasional stripe.

Dan Le Batard: Did you, you got to yellow though, right?

Pablo Torre: No, I got a stripe, but I, it was just like, I was, you know, what's the equivalent of this? It's like being on the, uh, the freshman team. Yeah. Not even JV.

Dan Le Batard: Were you inspired by Three Ninjas?

Pablo Torre: Yes. That was what got you in there? I mean, that was definitely a radicalizing movie for me. Yeah. You're like, "mom, I need to take karate."

Katie Nolan: Yes. But it's also surf ninjas. There was an era, by the way.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, ninjas were kind of big.

Katie Nolan: Yeah. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 80s and 90s, ninja was massive.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, it really was. You could put ninja on anything. It was like bacon in 08. Like, you could just, like, put ninja on anything, and everyone's like, "I love it. I absolutely love it."

Katie Nolan: Yeah. Yeah, we're an American ninja. We're children ninjas. They just walked into boardrooms, and they went, "kid ninjas." and they went "oh my god oh my god here's three million dollars how many of them are there gonna be three of them it's perfect oh my god I'm f***ing in my pants" and then that's the problem with Hollywood.

Dan Le Batard: Mike Ryan Ruiz Hellman's commercial. I wanna find that so bad. Mike Ryan was in a Hellman's commercial.

Pablo Torre: I don't know. Mike Ryan kind of has the hair that I would ostensibly be trying to grow with the long. He's got good long hair, huh? He has some good bang a full over some bang bang for his buck.

Dan Le Batard: Oh, this is when I was going on Jeopardy because it's all random. Like, who is Spinoza?

Pablo Torre: Here comes the tab queen. "How to learn everything." That's the thing I Googled. How to learn everything.

Katie Nolan: Wait, that's a tab you have?

Pablo Torre: Well, yeah, because it's a YouTube video by somebody named CW called "How to Study for Jeopardy, Win at Trivia, and Appreciate Urinal Art."

Katie Nolan: Okay. I never watched it, so take that. You know, I didn't win. I won twice, but I didn't win the whole thing.

Pablo Torre: Oh my God, do I have a "gray three AC joint separation"? I know what that's from. I know what that's from. I didn't think I'd still have it.

Dan Le Batard: I like that you still have that. Did you?

Katie Nolan: No, someone else did. Somebody else did and they were pretending to not be hurt. She mentioned what they said that it was that a hospital told her. And I wrote it down so that I could Google it later so I wouldn't get caught.

Pablo Torre: And you saved it.

Katie Nolan: And I saved it. I love that. That was when we were up in Colorado. It says that it's one of the more painful things you could do to your body.

Dan Le Batard: You just have a picture of a fast food sandwich? Sonic cheeseburger.

Katie Nolan: It's not a picture. I was looking up the Sonic menu. Because I think somebody was going there.

Dan Le Batard: Yeah, that's what I was doing. The Boulder Theater. And I went and you had Sonic for the first time. That's right. So you just closed that window.

Katie Nolan: Okay, I closed. Because I don't need that. You're right.

Dan Le Batard: And you were disappointed in Sonic. Remember Marie Kondo-ing your phone right now.

Katie Nolan: I don't remember. And it's full of Sonic cheeseburger images. Thank you. I have to thank the Sonic cheeseburger. Thank you for the menu.

Pablo Torre: Carol O'Connor. I wanted to know his name.

Dan Le Batard: Damn, dude. You really keep every tab open.

Katie Nolan: Then I have the Tom Holland umbrella gif. I always like to have that on hand.

Pablo Torre: That's a great video.

Dan Le Batard: Chekhov's gun. I googled what that was because people were saying it a lot.

Pablo Torre: Honestly, you keeping the tab for Chekhov's gun and only opening it now feels like a violation or maybe the ultimate fulfillment of the Chekhov's gun gun.

Katie Nolan: That is it. And I don't get it, so let me read and then see if I laugh at this.

Pablo Torre: Chekhov's tab. It's a narrative principle emphasizing that every element in the story be necessary while irrelevant elements should be removed. And this is not irrelevant. For example, if a gun features in a story, there must be a reason for it, such as being fired at some later point. That all elements must eventually come. And to create the through line through this whole episode, bang. Bang. There it is.

Dan Le Batard: That's podcasting. That's how you do it. That's how you podcast. Keep them all open. Never shut your tabs, Katie.

Pablo Torre: Wedding dresses. Hey.

Katie Nolan: I'll get to it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[Outro music begins]

Narrator: Pablo Torre Finds Out is produced by Walter Aberoma, Maxwell Carney, Ryan Cortez, Sam Daywig, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Lohman, Rob McRae, Matt Sullivan, Claire Taylor, and Chris Tuminello. Our studio engineering by RG Systems, sound design by NGW Post, theme song, as always, by John Bravo, and we will talk to you next time.

[Ad break for Tommy John]

[Ad break for Garden Ears]