The Naked Fun: Streaking's GOAT Bares His Soul

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Pablo Torre: Hey.

Mark Roberts: Hello. Hello, Mr. Pablo.

Pablo Torre: Mark Roberts. Finally. At last. After all this time, man. I am so... It's going to be worth it, I'm telling you now.

Mark Roberts: Oh, no, no, no. The pleasure is all on this end.

Pablo Torre: Can you explain where we are reaching you right now? Where are you, man?

Mark Roberts: Yeah, I'm in Liverpool where I live, which is not far from Manchester. We don't talk about Manchester around these parts.

Pablo Torre: Well, the great exports from Liverpool, of course. It's the Beatles followed by, let me just say this objectively, the undisputed greatest nudist in modern civilization.

Mark Roberts: No, not nudist. Entertainer, not nudist. I don't do beaches. There's not enough people on them. I'm a performance artist.

Pablo Torre: You are a man with an unparalleled resume. Public and private. Public in his privates. It is a remarkable delight, Mark Roberts, even though you're wearing a shirt to have you on Pablo Torre Finds Out.

Mark Roberts: Sorry to disappoint.

Pablo Torre: What is the alternate timeline? What is the Mark Roberts who never streaked at the Rugby Sevens final in Hong Kong? What is the life, what is the job you're doing right now, do you think?

Mark Roberts: My normal job. Yeah. I'm a painter, painter decorator. I make people's houses look lovely, make them look nice. And a couple of people even asked me to do it naked. And the one thing I guarantee, I never leave any streaks on my work. And my painting name is Vincent Van Gogh.

Pablo Torre: Just to get the visuals for people who are merely listening and not watching on YouTube, although I should tell them, everybody listening, it is safe to watch on YouTube, at least for now. Your exhibitionism, your entertainment, your way of life, typically this is a characteristic that one might presume originates from a desire to brag, from a desire to flaunt what you got down there.

Mark Roberts: Not at all. Nothing to do with that whatsoever. I just happened to find I can make tens of thousands of people laugh by running naked. For me, I don't even think about being naked, to be honest. I mean, when I'm naked, it looks like there's nothing there anyway. But I can make stadiums roar with laughter by doing something crazy in the space of a minute. It's not a case of look at me. It's a case of taking the piss out of authority, but also enhancing some kind of sporting event.

Pablo Torre: For those who are wondering, your endowment is something you would describe as what?

Mark Roberts: Chicken McNugget. It's definitely a happy meal.

Pablo Torre: Part of the reason why I wanted to talk to you is because there was an article recently in The Atlantic called "The Decline of Streaking" in which academics declared it as such a dying art that now remains, quote, "on the sporting periphery." And I wonder how you feel about you being now yourself this endangered species.

Mark Roberts: Well, I've always been an endangered species, to be honest with you, Pablo. But as far as streaking is concerned, in the 70s, early 80s, it was a trend for a while. Then I took it up in the early 90s to the present day. But not so much now. I used to be very, very prolific every year. Every time I did something, it'd make news all over the world.

[Sound of a sports announcer: "Little disturbance here in the arena, and there's a slight delay before the game resumes."]

Mark Roberts: I've been doing it for now, what, bloody hell? 33 years, 578 times in 27 countries. I've done everything. I've done three Olympics. I've raced Usain Bolt. I've done it all. I can't speak for Liverpool, but I have a hope that maybe we can make America streak again. If America can't do it, who can? I will lead the way if you want. I will come and we'll do a mass streak in front of the White House. Let's do that ridiculous president that you've got. Let's streak him. I'd streaked in front of the Queen three times and the third time she went, "Oh, look, there's Mark."

Pablo Torre: Mark, I want to get into the history of this because you are a part of an ancient tradition. And you could date it back to, I don't know, Lady Godiva, right? Naked on a horse. I could go back to certainly the American college system. At Harvard, there is a tradition before exams every year called Primal Scream, in which all the Harvard students streak Harvard Yard. My roommate streaked Harvard Yard with goldenphallus.com written across his back in no small homage. No small homage to the man that I am talking to today. But it's Princeton. It's Maryland. It's Michigan. It's Notre Dame. Everybody has their version of streaking in college.

[Sound from movie "Old School": "Sorry, we're going streaking through the quad and into the gymnasium. Come on, everybody! Come on!"]

Mark Roberts: You see, before I'd even thought about streaking, going on this adventure, I didn't know anything about it. I remember vaguely America was very, very instrumental in the streaking craze, as you know, in the 70s. And so I'm surprised it didn't happen in the 60s. Free love and all that, yeah.

Pablo Torre: It seems, Mark, that the first streak at a sporting event was on your side of the pond. It was 1974. Twickenham, otherwise known as the International Home of Rugby. Michael O'Brien, he was an accountant. Not very iconic, because he looks like Jesus. The policeman with his helmet over his willy. The guy has turned around and said it's the worst thing he ever did in his life. I think it cost him his job, caused problems with his relationship. But you know what? I'd lose my job for something like that.

Pablo Torre: There's a lady called Erica Rowe. Erica Rowe, 82, Twickenham. At a big rugby game in the UK. She had very big, big breasts. She ran on the field with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. She was smoking a cigarette. I met the lady actually years later. The police officers here, I assume, a lot happier to see her, all of her, than they are to see Mark Roberts.

Mark Roberts: Well, I don't know. Every time I get arrested, the police beg me not to stop. The police love what I do. Allegedly. And this is straight up serious. They love it.

Pablo Torre: Why do they love it, Mark?

Mark Roberts: Because they're laughing their heads off like they say everybody else in the stadium. When they're chasing me, they're absolutely in stitches.

Pablo Torre: I want to just ask you about one of the other famous 70s episodes, the Oscars Streaker.

[Sound from Oscars: "The award for the best picture is never lightly given."]

Pablo Torre: Right. So you're familiar with his work?

Mark Roberts: I am. I've seen it a few times. It's 1974. Contributor to world entertainment. And someone quite likely... He flashes the peace sign on national TV. And it's just like a very awkward cutaway, but we do have this still frame in which this mustachioed, long-haired gentleman is flashing the peace sign over the right shoulder of David Niven, the host.

Mark Roberts: That's cool, man. Yeah.

[Sound from Oscars: David Niven says: "Probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings."]

Mark Roberts: That's up there. That's near the top. Actually getting on stage at the Oscars, that's a feat in itself. But doing it, peace sign, that's got to be... It's not a 10. It's 8.5, 9.

Pablo Torre: The statistics here, right? So it's been more than 33 years you've been doing this. 578 streaks since you popped your streaking cherry, as it were. That first time, how vividly do you remember your first time? Where were you?

Mark Roberts: Like it was yesterday. Literally like it was yesterday, man. That day changed my life. 1993, Hong Kong, man. Yeah. That was the island. Hong Kong Island then was the place to be on the planet. I mean, from a drunken day in a bar the night before to getting dragged out of the apartment. I had no intention to streak. I was drunk, talking, talking shit, basically. Gets home 4am, told everyone I was going to streak at the final, the Rugby Sevens. Comatose on the couch at 4am. Next thing, just banging on me the apartment door. "Come on, we're going to Sevens." I couldn't open my eyes. I was gone, still gone. "No, open the door. I'm going to kick this fucking door in." So as I've opened the door, I'm still dressed from the night before because I was lying on the couch. My friends just grabbed hold of me, threw me in the elevator, straight into a waiting taxi, straight to the stadium.

Mark Roberts: So I've gone in the stadium and I'm like, what the fuck's going on? I wasn't together. I couldn't hardly open my eyes. "Take me to the bar." So I've gone straight to the bar. I've had a beer. That's made me feel worse. I've had another beer. Didn't do any good at all, man. So I had a shot. That sort of got me a little bit level. So I said, I'm going to look into the stadium because I hadn't even seen it, but as I've stuck my head in to the stadium. Wow, man. One of the first things I saw was a guy with a French flag around his shoulders, swinging a live chicken around his head. I'm going, what the fuck, man? Everyone's partying, throwing beer at each other. It was a carnival full of energy. Everybody was buzzing.

Mark Roberts: So I've woken up from this drunken stupor. I said to my friend, I'm going to do it now. So I've gone down the main stand. There's 65,000 people in the stadium. Took me clothes off and I've ran on while the New Zealand All Blacks were playing South Africa. The two biggest rugby teams in the world. So I've ran on backwards, waved to everybody. Okay, I've done it. But as I turned around, there's the ball. So my head just went, get that fucking ball. So I ran, picked up the ball, ran a whole length of the field and scored a try. Scored a touchdown in between the posts. The whole crowd went absolutely nuts. Everyone's on their feet screaming their heads off. I was like, wow man, wow. I was like, I just started to wave.

Mark Roberts: So I'm running back to my seat. Some of the All Blacks were applauding. I took the ball and the best team in the world scored against them. Jumped back over the barrier. So next thing, I've got my dick out. So I'm covering myself up. Girls are going over, kissing me, hugging me. People are pouring beers over my head. I went, no, this is fantastic, man. I didn't give a shit. So there's an English policeman walking along and he's motioning for me to go. I'm going, no, because now I'm feeling the energy, now I'm buzzing, now I'm staying here. No, he's come to me, he said, "Listen, I gave the opportunity to go. I'm going to have to throw you out the stadium." I shouldn't give a shit. As he's taking me out, the whole stadium, "Leave him alone, leave him alone." 65,000 people.

Mark Roberts: He's taking me down a tunnel. I heard "streaker." I've looked up. There's a guy with two jugs of Carlsberg. Bang. One went over me, one went over the cop. Cop is laughing his head off. As he's taking me out the door, somebody shook my hand and put something in the palm of my hand. So the policeman said, "If I see you in here again, I'm going to arrest you." I said, "No, no, I'm done." So as he threw me out one turnstile, I've looked at my hand. It was a free pass. So I've come back in the next turnstile, come straight back in, jumped on and did it again.

Pablo Torre: You streaked again?

Mark Roberts: Did it again, man, yeah. Didn't score a try a second time, though. I just legged it.

Pablo Torre: I just need to acknowledge here and jump in that this formative revelation begins with you seeing this almost biblical symbol of a guy waving a live chicken over his head. And it culminates, it climaxes in you swinging your own cock around in public.

Mark Roberts: Swinging my cock around? Yeah.

Pablo Torre: Just, are you swinging a cock?

Mark Roberts: I'm swinging my cock.

Pablo Torre: I want to just get into your psychology just for a second here. Your intentions when you hit the field, the court, the track. What's the physiological kind of description you would give?

Mark Roberts: Man, the adrenaline before I go on, Pablo, is nuts. My heart is beating like bongo drums, man. But I've got to look normal, very calm, just like every other member of the public. I can't bring any attention to myself, but all I'm doing is watching security out of the corner of my eyes. I've picked a place to go on. If that place is taken by security, I've got to go and find another place. All in the time that I've picked to actually go on. But the main thing is you want to hear 70,000, 80,000 people roar, scream, cheer. And when that goes off, the energy I get from all that gives me that extra speed. And then the chase. I've got to be chased, man. I want to see how many police and security it takes to catch me. Well, I did do it a bit slower nowadays. And the roar goes from that to a crescendo because of the chase. So, number one, entertain. Entertain the crowd. Don't interrupt the game. And take the piss out of authority. It's giving the finger to authority, man.

Mark Roberts: I've got a new tattoo for me. Can you see that? It says, "Go the other way." There it is. No, other way. Now you're just making a very lewd act. Yep, "Fuck you" is what it says as you are dragging your middle finger of your right hand across the front of our camera.

Pablo Torre: Well, fuck you sideways, man. I want to get into your brain, though, because why were you in Hong Kong in the first place? What was it like to be you?

Mark Roberts: When I left the UK to see the world, I had 30 English pounds in my pocket and a one-way ticket to Hong Kong. I knew one guy over there who was a manager of a bar. He said he'd give me a job. There was the freedom just to be wherever you want to be. Then the Rugby Sevens was two months in. After that, I was known as the Mad Streaker. All my innermost things came out. There was no cloud over my head. So I eventually came home with that energy inside me. But obviously the UK is a different thing altogether from Hong Kong. So after a while, streaking was just Hong Kong. That was for me. But after being back in the UK for a while, it was back to normality and back to day-to-day.

Mark Roberts: And then the Liverpool football match was on and went...

[Sound of sports announcer: "The season's average of around 42,000 at Anfield doesn't look like dropping. So what a setting..."]

Mark Roberts: And that's when I looked into streaking. Nobody'd streaked in the UK for years, decades. I went, fuck it, man. I'll do it, yeah. But I did it for charity, for a children's hospital. Went around collecting money for kids. And when I went on, it was wow.

[Sound of crowd cheering: "Yes! An incredible story."]

Mark Roberts: The whole stadium, again, crazy, man.

Pablo Torre: I want to show people what you showed people. We have video of it. This is live in the UK. It is live on a show called This Morning.

[Sound from TV show: "Hi. Hello, hi, how are you? Good morning. Yet a great summer we did. Yeah."]

Pablo Torre: This morning for the American audience, how would you describe a show like that?

Mark Roberts: The English version of Good Morning America.

Pablo Torre: The fact that here in Liverpool, the weather is absolutely disgustingly awful and the rest of the country is bathing in sunshine. And we see on this morning show, the weatherman. He's kind of like hopping along what appears to be a giant map of the UK that is sort of like a set. It looks like a mini golf course, but it's green and it's literally the shape of the United Kingdom. The whole of the UK, it's a floating weatherman. And so presumably off screen, there's a place that like observers can come and watch the live taping. And so as this weatherman in his jaunty giant blue sweater is hopping from island to island, from place to place, giving us the weather report. It's 1995. And the next thing that happens that you see on air is this.

[Sound from TV show: "We could have a problem here. How am I going to cope with this? Right. Quite unexpected. Offered a handshake to Fred. Turns out his name is..."]

[Sound from TV show: "That's a nice bum as well, isn't it? I mean, it's well-sculpted."]

[Sound from TV show: "Hard to disagree with that. Oh, yeah. Full moon at 12 o'clock."]

Pablo Torre: This was the very first televised streak you ever did, I believe.

Mark Roberts: The camera went off me. And the two presenters went, "No, no, no. Go back on. It's only human flesh. Put it back on."

Pablo Torre: One of the things you figured out pretty early in the ongoing innovation of streaking is writing on yourself. And I want to take us now. It's 95. It is St. Andrews. This is the final round of the 124th British Open Championship. The home of golf. The most religious, holy site in maybe the most staid and cloistered sport in the world. It's Sunday now. It's John Daly going for his first major. John Daly does what he always does. Grip it and rip it. It is the 18th hole that we're being transported to at the moment. And where were you as the 18th hole is getting underway?

Mark Roberts: I was not far from the hole itself on the 18th. I've met a group of friends and we got by the barriers. And I've said, as soon as the ball goes in the hole, I'm not going to do it while he's putting. As soon as it goes in the hole, I'm on. And then this guy we'd met the day before, there's pictures all over. Me getting chased by a guy. It looks like he's trying to rugby tackle me.

Pablo Torre: Yeah, there he is.

Mark Roberts: We met him the day before, driving into a car park. He was charging five pounds for the car park. And we found out later it was a free car park and he was just charging everyone five pounds to park the car.

Pablo Torre: So this guy who allegedly was charging people for free parking spots, he is now holding your spot, has held a hat over your penis. What is going on as you are gesturing with a grimace at the moment on the green?

Mark Roberts: Well, because he was chasing me and I was leaving. I was fit. Nobody could catch me. I let him rugby tackle me. And he gave me a little tap on the cheek. He said, "I nearly had a fucking heart attack, Mark." But he just wanted to get in on the fun. He was just part of the joke.

Pablo Torre: Well, part of the scene here that's essential is that what you have written on your back is just an all-timer. "19th hole." With a giant arrow at your hole. You're doing it at St. Andrews, Mark. You know the context of what it is to do it at the Open. So what?

Mark Roberts: Do you know what I mean? All these people are all stuck up, you know, you can't do this, you can't do that. Well, I'm going to show you. I can. It's like Wimbledon's the same.

Pablo Torre: Oh, let's get to Wimbledon. So it is the year 2000, and the context here is that...

[Sound of sports announcer: "Anna Kournikova. At 19, she's the tennis world's cover girl sensation. But can she step up her game for a Grand Slam title? The Championships. Wimbledon on NBC."]

Mark Roberts: Well, listen, I was stood outside Wimbledon in a queue waiting to go in. And a billboard went past on the side of a van with her advert. There is an ad. This is a lingerie ad, to be clear. And the text here, again, it's a black and white photo. She is in her bra and panties, and it says, "Only the ball should bounce, period." I was on my own. I had to go into a toilet, a lavatory, lock the door, and write that on myself. "Only the balls bounce."

Pablo Torre: Again, you're a vision, Mark. You're a vision. "Only the balls bounce," written from solar plexus down to above your navel. In black marker, it looks like, as you are streaking to be now pedantic about this, you are obviously naked, but you are also doing something else on the green that is watered by centuries of the most precious rain, because there's another photograph. You are also doing a bit of a swan dive over the net.

Mark Roberts: Over the net, yeah. Perfect. The form is just impactful. That is Olympic form. Crazy thing is the nets have got alarms on them, so the slightest touch on the net sets off the alarm. I cleared it easy by an inch.

Pablo Torre: Well, the happy meal came in real helpful. Big time.

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Pablo Torre: The 2002 Commonwealth Games, though. I want to do a pit stop here because this is a golden jubilee. What does that mean?

Mark Roberts: It's like the Queen's anniversary of so many years on the throne.

Pablo Torre: We're back with Queen Elizabeth.

[Sound of announcer: "My Majesty the Queen, and this Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh, circuit this brand new, wonderful-looking stadium."]

Mark Roberts: Me and Liz, we're dead close, like that. She wanted to knight me, but to refuse.

[Mark Roberts shows a tattoo on his hand]

Pablo Torre: That is an index finger and a middle finger with, again, "fuck you" tattooed across it, just crossing.

Mark Roberts: I'll tell you, I didn't mean that one. Not with Liz. I don't want to say fuck you to Liz, no, because she was a lovely lady. I've been around there for tea a few times.

Pablo Torre: But what we're looking at here, because this is where we have acquired exclusive behind-the-scenes video from a source close to your dick.

Mark Roberts: Oh, yeah.

Pablo Torre: This is 2002. It is July 27th. And there's a man in the bottom right. 100 meter final. Who's looking up into the right. So victory ceremonies for the men's 100 meters. Women's 100 meters. That's me. And you're wearing a short sleeve. The police were waiting for me everywhere. You're wearing slacks, black slacks. And you're now motoring. And there goes the shirt. There go the pants. An impressive just rip job.

Mark Roberts: So you listen to the crowd, man.

Pablo Torre: Tearaway pants. Oh. Knee down, starting blocks. Well tanned. You come with both record. Slowest ever, 100 meters. Oh my God. The mechanics of that, we got to just walk through this because tearaway pants. This is a tool, a tool of your tool. A tool of your trick.

Mark Roberts: I'm the face of Velcro. Without them, they have helped me so much because I can be right next to a policeman. As soon as his head turns the other way, I'm over the barrier and I'm naked in seconds. It's off. I'm gone. I'm gone like the wind.

Pablo Torre: If only the wind had a Nike swoosh tattooed onto its back. I was trying to encourage Nike to get in touch, but they didn't.

Mark Roberts: Well, if anybody has embodied the slogan of "Just Do It," I don't believe that there's anyone more prominent than you, Mark.

Pablo Torre: In fact, Nike did a TV commercial.

[Sound from Nike commercial: "I think we've got an extra man on the pitch."]

Pablo Torre: And they based it on me. I don't know.

[Sound from commercial: "So far, he's giving the police nothing but a good look at his backside. He did it at Arsenal's ground in London. Guy naked, running through. Oh, dear. That's an image going to stay with me for a very long time. Scorched onto my retina."]

Mark Roberts: So why didn't he get me to do it instead? I'd like to take up that cause, actually, now that you mention it. I want to address Nike explicitly here. Get this man his fair due. Or even at Adidas.

Pablo Torre: Oh, I like that. All day I dream about streaking.

Mark Roberts: Through the screen, I feel it. The vivid sensation of what it's like to run and be chased. By that point, the adrenaline's through the roof because I've achieved the objective already. That's the elating part. I'm joyous, you know, because the worry about being able to do what I set out to do, I've passed that point. So now I'm full of joy. So when I'm rolling, I'm usually laughing my head off.

Pablo Torre: What do you call it? The feeling right before you get caught.

Mark Roberts: I call it the G-spot. Because everyone enjoys it when they get there.

Pablo Torre: And I cannot believe we haven't gotten here yet, but you were on an expense report from goldenpalace.com.

Mark Roberts: Yeah, yeah, man. They paid for everything. I'd done a couple events for them, and they rang me and said, "Listen, we've got tickets for the biggest thing in America." I said, "What? The Oscars?" "We've got tickets for the Oscars?" I went, "No. What do you mean?" I said, "That's not the biggest thing. The Super Bowl's the biggest thing in the States." So what you're talking about, you can't do the Super Bowl. I said, "Why not? It's never been done. Can't be done. Security's too tight." I said, "You get me tickets and I'll show you. It can be done."

Pablo Torre: As I try to understand just like what the greatest of all time at streaking has encountered in America at the highest possible level, we go to Super Bowl 38.

[Sound of sports announcer: "Sets the stage for a worldwide audience. For all the marbles, Super Bowl 38."]

Pablo Torre: And Super Bowl 38 is, even absent everything we're about to discuss here, one of the most iconic, memorable, infamous Super Bowls sporting events in human history. It is Patriots-Panthers. It is February 1st, 2004. It is Houston. The halftime performer, Mark, of course, is who?

Mark Roberts: Janet Jackson.

Pablo Torre: I didn't even know she'd done that. I was at the halftime shows going on I'm at the back warming up.

Mark Roberts: She was opening for you in other words. She was flashing less intentionally it turns out she was flashing the world and you back wherever you were were warming up and so where were you at your point of entry I guess

Pablo Torre: While the halftime show was going on I was at the back talking to a friend I'm going on just before the third quarter starts but Security and police were everywhere around the field. We had front row seats on the 50-yard line, best seats in the house. Amazing. To give me the best chance to get on to the ball.

Mark Roberts: It raises the question of how does the most notorious streaker in the world, in modern civilization, how is he able to stand near the 50-yard line in plain sight as the most visible event in the world is happening?

Mark Roberts: We were sitting down on the seats. There was a wall with maybe a 15-foot drop. So when I'm going to go, I'm going to have to drop. But as I say, there's many police and security around the field. This one guy, one security, all the way through the game, stood right face on my line, did not move a muscle for four hours, Pablo. Four f***ing hours. And I said to my friend, if he doesn't move, you go down the wall, drop your phone, go to climb down the wall to dive so he comes to you so I've got a clear run to get onto the field. The one time I wanted to go, he moved. There was a changing of the guard. Man, he walked over to speak to another security guard further down. The one time I wanted to go on, I said to my friend, go. So I had my own clothes. I took them off. Now I'm a referee. I've got a referee's uniform on.

Pablo Torre: Of course. That I got from the NFL. Wait, how did you get a referee's uniform from the NFL?

Mark Roberts: I wrote to the NFL and I told them I wanted to be, I'm starting an American football team in the UK, but I couldn't get any referee's uniforms. The NFL sent me two. I said, thank you very much, you d***heads. Yeah, thank you very much. I took a uniform to a seamstress, got to take it all apart and put it back together again, Velcro.

Pablo Torre: And all of this takes us now, officially, into what I remember. And then Bill Belichick says, history tells us in the second half, a lot goes on in these Super Bowl games. The first time I personally remember laying eyes on Mark Roberts was the third quarter as play-by-play announcer Greg Gumbel on CBS is getting us going. Panthers will kick it away to start the second half. Here we go. And there in the bottom left, you begin to see...

Mark Roberts: On the 40-yard line, isn't it? Pushing through in regulation garb.

Pablo Torre: As the kickoff is getting ready. Here we go, right in the middle there. Right over the Super Bowl logo. The Roman numerals. My God. We have a surprise guest on the field. Right over the Roman numerals for Super Bowl 38. Well, the halftime entertainment apparently never stops. When you're doing that, are the players acknowledging you? Like, what is happening as you are making your way?

Mark Roberts: I've gone on as a referee, stopped the kickoff for the third quarter. Yeah. One of the players shouted, what's up, ref, man? Mano went, shh! F*** all. Just started dancing. Ripped my clothes off, I'm naked, started dancing around the ball. So all the players are going, what's the f***ing referee doing? They thought the referee's lost his mind.

Pablo Torre: That's an understandable question.

Mark Roberts: So as I'm dancing around the ball, here we go, kit off, have some of that.

Pablo Torre: And this video that we have of what was not shown on the broadcast are remarkable, just blurring and unblurring of a total eclipse of your moon. Is that tape you're wearing? What is your underwear here?

Mark Roberts: It's that tape. The very last thing before I left the hotel, I forgot I can't get my c**k out in Texas. So that's a deflated American football that was on the table in the hotel room. So I've taped it around so nothing can pop out. But I needed a piss, and it was the worst, hardest piss I've ever had in my life. The plan was to pick up the ball and try and score a touchdown, but I decided just to dance instead.

Pablo Torre: You have the announcer, Phil Simms, is asking. He actually asks on the broadcast. What do you call that dance? Silly? Well. And now we know that you would call it...

Mark Roberts: An Irish bog stump. It's a bad body, I'll tell you that, and there's too much of it being shown.

Pablo Torre: Well, let's check out the halftime numbers. America runs the f*** away. But as you make history, Danish television gives us this. Listen to the crowd. Here we go. Bang! And that bang, by the way, number 58. Matt Chatham. Matt Chatham, 6'4", 250, Patriots linebacker. By the way, a three-time Super Bowl champion in the end, who happens to, by the way, I don't know if you know this, Mark, he runs a barbecue dry rub company now, and we called him up to ask about the bit of dry rub that he gave you because he laid you all the way out.

[Sound of Matt Chatham speaking] Matt Chatham: Name's Matt Chatham. Fortunate enough to be on three Super Bowls. Excuse me, to win three Super Bowls, I guess. It always sounds weird when an individual says they won a Super Bowl, but I think you know what I mean. It's kind of our wedding day or whatever you want to call it. So this guy, he does this in the seventh inning of a May baseball game. Okay, it's hilarious. Ha ha. But this rubbed me in the wrong way and always will.

Pablo Torre: And as we watch just more of the alternate angle footage here of this, you know, this is, it's fairly violent, I will say, as you're kind of like bog stomping around.

Mark Roberts: Hits like a girl.

Pablo Torre: The kickoff. Yeah, and there he goes. Just knocking you. That was great. That was a perfect ending to the Super Bowl. Oh, laid you out. Horizontal.

Matt Chatham: Matt enacted justice on behalf of, I guess, the United States of America with what he calls, quote unquote, a love tap. It was, you know, a two out of ten kind of violence just to get him gone. I mean, I just don't think people realize how big NFL people are. But, you know, I'm 250 plus or whatever, you're all padded up, and that's not full stride. But if you're running a pretty good amount and run into a guy like that, he's going to go flying.

Mark Roberts: Yeah, didn't feel a thing. My nan, my grandmother, hits harder than that. And she's dead.

Matt Chatham: Part of my reaction was definitely annoyance. As much as anything, we've been prepped in previous years, and especially this one, in times of war, times of conflict, all this stuff, that it's really heightened security. And nobody's supposed to be in this building that's not out there playing football. And I think other guys would echo this. Like, you're so intensely focused on this thing. It's not that, like, I haven't seen a billion streaker things on baseball games or, you know, whatever else and chuckled like everyone else and maybe rewatched a video or something. But in that moment, it was like sort of, you know, doing a whoopee cushion during the wedding. It's like, those are funny, but not funny now, right? Like, just don't do that now. This is actually pretty serious.

Pablo Torre: You've single-handedly infiltrated the security state post 9-11.

Mark Roberts: I was scared, man. So scared. What could happen to me on the field post 9-11? And there's going to be snipers on the news, man. Sure. And I'm thinking, they can think I'm some kind of weird guy. Well, people might think that anyway. But I mean, to do harm and shoot. But I thought, if they shoot, they'll shoot in the legs. I'll take a bullet to the leg to do the Super Bowl.

Matt Chatham: He also called you a jackass. That's why I said jackass. Not like any malice against Mark. He's a b****y. A big b****y. Seven foot, whatever. That's all he is. So NFL Securities actually sent the tape and they had all these different angles and kind of sent a little thank you note. They were very grateful, you know, because it helped them not have one of those wild scenes where they're chasing the guy around and you're playing the circus music. It was more just bam, bam, beat it, get out of here. And I think they appreciated that.

Pablo Torre: So you go horizontal you jackass and suddenly you surrounded.

Mark Roberts: Man there about 20 people over me while I getting handcuffed. Yeah. What are you saying to yourself as you now underneath this pile? I've just done the f***ing Super Bowl, man. Literally, I've got my face pushed in the grass. I'm getting handcuffed behind my back. And all's I can think of? I've just done the Super Bowl. So I've got carried off hogtied into the tunnel. Now I'm thinking, OK, here's where the trouble's really going to start. So because the way he took me out of my Chatham, I'm feigning injury. And one of the policemen went, put him down, put him down. I'm going, ah, he said, you OK, man, now. You're safe, man. I said, OK, thank you. He said, you OK? He said, my side's hurting, officer. I was f***ing fine, you know. He said, why did you do that? I said, I just wanted to make the great people of America laugh. And the policeman went, that was f***ing awesome, man. And next thing, all the police started laughing. They loved it, man. Loved it. He said, listen, I'm going to keep you for an hour and then just let you go, release you. I went, f***, they're going to not charge me either. And I found out it's the first time the NFL ran security for Super Bowl because normally it's down to the actual stadium security. People said, and I beat them. I beat the s*** out of them. Next thing, the head of the NFL comes running down some stairs, throw the book at him. He wanted me to be charged up to the hilt. So I got charged with criminal trespass, got taken to jail. That was scary. Well, the policeman did say to me before I went in the cage, don't make eye contact. Don't talk to anybody. Nobody knows what you've done today because they've been locked up all day. Don't speak to anybody, because if they realise you're British, they might have a reason to create an argument with you. So I've gone in a cage with all this in me head. Cage full of, I don't know, lunatics. I've gone in dressed as a referee. All the police were buzzing in the police station. They all loved it. Took me my mugshot, and they've duplicated it so I'm signing autographs to all the wives and girlfriends and all that. Put me in the cage with about 30 people. The only place I could lie down was right next to the toilet. So I'm laying on the floor. I've got my knees up, and I can hear someone going, look at the f***ing referee, man. So I've sat up, all the Velcro's open, and my f***ing balls are on show in the cage.

Pablo Torre: I just like that something that kind of maybe took you aback as you dressed as a referee in the most convincing possible form was that you found out that even in jail, maybe especially in jail. Americans f***ing hate referees.

Mark Roberts: But luckily, everything was okay. I got released in the morning and got flown first class to Hollywood. You exercise your freedom of everything and you are facing six months of jail time and they find you guilty of misdemeanor trespassing and a $1,000 fine. I wanted to hug them all. In fact, at the end of the court case, they emptied the courtroom so there's just me, my lawyer, the judge, one female judge, prosecutor and all the jurors have gone into the jury room and all you can hear is laughter and the judge said to me, Mr Roberts, in all my years of working in courtrooms I've never heard that kind of commotion in the jury room will you please escort me in? And she linked my arm, the judge and we walked into the jury room and they all started cheering all the jurors it was fantastic.

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Pablo Torre: I understand why it was that it took us a bit to get you on the show, Mark. Because we originally, we tried to do it ahead of what we thought might be a streak at the Olympics in Paris. Took a while. Our producer, Matt, was communicating. And I just want to quote the WhatsApp conversation as we put it on screen here. You said to us, f*** it, and you, you're p***ies. And then, and then, and then, because you were like, what about NBC? Are they going to get mad at us? Or, you know, are we going to get threatened?

Mark Roberts: Yeah, you put all those. Yeah, you know, standards, you know, all that stuff.

Pablo Torre: Then we said, what about still having an interview? And you said, quote, Matt, who gives a flying shit? Ooh, I got a 50K fine. So f***ing what? If that's a problem to you, then see you later. Followed by, I think you guys have no understanding of life. Followed by, f*** you. And then, and this is where I was like, I love this man and we must have him on. August 12th, 2024, you said, at 3.30 a.m. Eastern Time. Are we still on tomorrow then? Because I was still buzzing. I wanted to go to the Olympics. And you know the crazy thing about that was as well, pal? The one I wanted to do was the breakdancing.

Mark Roberts: Oh, my God. It's the first time breakdancing had been. And the Australian woman. Australian politics, forget that minor election they're trying to conduct in the United States. What the world's really been interested in in what the hell was Ray Gunn up to at the Paris Olympics. That was the event I wanted to do. So, man, I was gutted, gutted, but I still wanted to go.

Pablo Torre: I mourn the alternate timeline in which you were breakdancing, upstaging Ray Gunn naked.

Mark Roberts: I'd have been better than her, man.

Pablo Torre: I think I wouldn't have been close. That's a shame. It's a shame, but also I cannot describe your life, your career, and I will call it that now, your art form, as anything but an unqualified and unparalleled success story in a race that now so many other people are terrified to run. I don't know if anybody's even coming for the title, man.

Mark Roberts: I'll never be broken. I'll never be beaten, man. Nobody will ever be able to surpass what I've achieved. So I'm proud.

Pablo Torre: Your mom, what did she think of all of this?

Mark Roberts: She's always said, you're nuts. Something wrong with you. I said, Mom, you don't see, you're not there. You don't feel it, what the crowd's like. Until eventually, I jumped on stage during a play in Liverpool. I told my brother what I was going to do. So he took my mom, not knowing that I was going to jump on stage. And when I jumped on stage, the whole audience is cheering. And then I saw her afterwards when I got through out. I met her in a bar next door. She said, when I saw you going on, I was going to shout, enough now, stop it. But she said I couldn't stop laughing. She said everyone was laughing. I started laughing. What you were doing was funny. So she eventually was actually there in real time and she saw what everyone else was seeing, what everybody else got, you know. And actually when she died, well, just before she died, she had a fall the ambulance came to pick her up from home and in the ambulance she said to the ambulance man do you know who my son is? On the way to the hospital, man. You know one of the last things she said, man. So even though she kept on saying I was crazy, you know, she was proud of me in the end. So that was nice.

Pablo Torre: What does it feel like now? Because how old are you Mark Roberts now as we speak here today?

Mark Roberts: I'm 60, 60 now.

Pablo Torre: So you're 60.

Mark Roberts: I've just been diagnosed with heart failure as well.

Pablo Torre: I'm sorry to hear that.

Mark Roberts: Yeah, well get this right. They're giving me tablets to stop adrenaline getting to me heart because me heart's working overtime. So I'm thinking this is a conspiracy by Interpol. They're stopping me buzzing anymore so I can't go around causing trouble around the world. But yeah, so I've got to be careful now.

Pablo Torre: What I have found out at the end of today's show is that I don't think there's a person in sports who has experienced, who has felt more adrenaline than Mark Roberts.

Mark Roberts: You haven't seen the last of me yet. Never, never. I will fight them on the beaches. I've actually written in my will I've wrote a will through a solicitor that when I die I want to go in a perspex coffin clear, naked so I can streak my own funeral but I've put a little note at the bottom while I'm in the mortuary please put a viagra down my throat so I can go out in style and then I want the Pope to bless me.

Pablo Torre: You know he's a sports fan. Mark Roberts, the greatest of all time. I say this knowing that I won't really have a choice but I look forward to seeing you again.

Mark Roberts: Thank you Pablo, it's been an absolute pleasure my friend.

Pablo Torre: Yes, yes. Let's get on that WhatsApp chain.

Mark Roberts: Yep, okay, make it easy mate. Nice one. Oh yeah, I'll have some of this. Oh god, wait, wait. What? Have some of that. Have some of them apples. Have some of them apples, lad. Go have some of them. Go on. Bad.

Pablo Torre: This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Meadowlark Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.

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