--:-- Mel Robbins: Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to a practical, tactical, tool-packed episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited for today's episode. I didn't even take the time to take a shower, wash my face, or change out of my gym clothes. I exercised this morning and I raced right up here to the microphone because I have got so many cool things to share with you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: For those of you that have been here for a while, check it out. You are going to freaking love this. Love it. It's everything that you love. It's hilarious stories. It's science-backed tools. You are going to be inspired and in action before this thing is over. That's how jam-packed our conversation is going to be today. That's why I had to wear running tights, because we're going to be running fast, running through this.
--:-- Mel Robbins: For those of you that are new, welcome. I'm so glad you're here, but get ready because this is a doozy. We're talking takeaway city. We're talking proven hacks. Heck, I'm even teaching you today how to use a post-it note to make your new habits stick. That's right. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the most trusted experts in the world on behavior change and motivation.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's the reason why I'm so excited. It's because I know that our conversation today is going to be relevant to your life because we just released an episode about the science of habits and we covered all the basic foundational science, everything you need to know. And you know what's happened? I've now been flooded with questions from listeners who are trying to make a big change, like this one from a listener named Eric.
--:-- Eric: [Audio clip] Hi, Mel. My name is Eric. How do I create habits that will stick so once I keep going, I'll stay with it? I want to make it easier.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Eric, I'm so glad you asked, because you know what? I don't want that new treadmill that you just invested in to become the most expensive coat hanger in your house. And the truth is, there are simple, fun, and easy ways that will help you stick with the new habits that you're trying to create.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want to say something right up front. I'm not exactly the expert in this. I'm applying the same tools that you're going to learn in this episode. I'll tell you a quick story because I'm in the same boat as you. I signed up this year to do this 75-day mental toughness challenge that is requiring me to do a bunch of brand new behaviors every single day. So I am in the habit formation soup with everybody.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I have a confession to make. This is the second attempt that I'm making at completing this 75-day challenge, because I failed last time I did it. I signed up last year and this challenge was so hard, I bailed within a week. So if you've gotten started and you're rolling along with your keto diet or dry January, you're trying to stick to that budget and now the wheels are about to fall off. Maybe they already have. Don't you worry. Today's episode is dedicated to you and it's dedicated to me, because you and I are going to get the science-backed hacks that we both need in order to stay consistent when we are making these changes in our lives.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm also going to give you five little fun strategies that you can use to make all the new changes that you're working so hard on stick. How cool is that? One final thing: this is part of a month-long series that we're doing here on the Mel Robbins Podcast about the foundational skills and research that you can use to create a better life. So let's jump in.
--:-- Mel Robbins: For the purposes of our conversation, I assume that you have a goal or a habit that you're trying to make stick. But just in case you don't, I want to call your attention to something. We released an episode just before this one called "The Ultimate Toolkit for Creating New Habits." It covers the foundational science that teaches you the three required parts that every habit needs. This is an incredible episode, and it also comes with a free workbook that you can download that acts as a companion guide that will help you apply the science from that episode to defining your habits. If you haven't listened to that, I just wanted to highlight it as a resource for you. Make sure you take a listen after you finish this one, because these two episodes work beautifully together. It doesn't matter what order you listen in. You can get that workbook at melrobbins.com/habits.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I want you to keep the new habit in mind, because you're going to be able to take absolutely everything you learn today and apply it to the new habit that you want to make stick. This is all going to make it so much easier and, frankly, a lot more fun, because the stuff I'm about to share with you are the things I'm using so that I don't fail this time. It would be awful if I failed again at this thing.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's how this episode is going to roll. I'm going to explain the new daily habits that I'm trying to learn and stick with and manage. As I do that, I want you to think right now about the change that you're trying to make. I want this to be relevant to you. That way, it's not only going to be valuable for you to listen to this, but it's going to make the change that you want to make easier.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll start first. I've committed to do this 75-day challenge, and here is what the challenge says I have to do for 75 days. No alcohol. I have to eat a healthy diet, which for me, I've decided I'm going to just eat a normal diet because I'm a healthy eater, but I'm not going to have any gluten or dairy for 75 days. I got to work out twice a day. One of those workouts has to be outside. I have to drink a gallon of water. I have to take a progress photo every day. And I have to read 10 pages of nonfiction every single day.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The way this challenge works—and this challenge is really like, bro, it's like a bunch of dudes created this thing, very discipline-oriented—because here's one of the rules. If you miss any one of those things that I just listed, you have to go back to day one, period. That's how the challenge works. But I want to be clear about something. I'm going to do the challenge based on the rules, but the 75 Hard challenge is completely at odds with what habit research actually says. Habit research says that if you miss a day, you don't default back to day zero. You don't lose progress by missing a day. I want to be very clear upfront that you can still be successful in seeing a change through if you miss a day or two days or a week. The 75 Hard challenge that I'm doing that punishes you for missing a day is not the reality when it comes to neuroscience, biology, and all the research around habits.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I know you're concerned about this because I'm getting a lot of questions about, "What do I do if I fall off?" Like this one from Zoe.
--:-- Zoe: [Audio clip] Hi, Mel, it's Zoe. I am wondering, how do you not let your setbacks keep you from getting back and trying again? On New Year's Day, I was resolving not to eat sweets. And literally the first thing I ate was some chocolate birthday cake. By noon, it was all over. So thoughts, any suggestions, any tips? Thanks. Happy New Year. Great job, Mel and all your crew.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, Zoe, we love you. For Zoe and every one of you listening, we're not robots. We're human beings. Habit research says that screwing up does not impact your progress or your ability to make habits stick. In life, unlike this challenge 75 Hard that I'm doing, if you miss a day, all you do is miss a day and then move forward. That's it. Research shows the new neuropathways that you create, Zoe, once you start the new habit of trying to remove sugar from your diet, they're still there. We know this based on research from Dr. Phillip Alali at the University College of London.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There's something else. It's called the "what the hell effect." I eat cake, what the hell? I guess I'm just screwed up. The "what the hell effect" is the tendency to just give up. You screw up once. These researchers, I love that they're tapping into common sense because we've all experienced the what the hell effect, right? You sign up for the gym or you commit to eating healthy. You go twice to the gym, you skip a few days, and then you find yourself saying, "Nah, what the hell? I'll skip another day. I'll have another beer. I'll take another bite. I've already messed it up, so I might as well keep going." I think we should call it the "I already messed up effect," but researchers don't like to drop F-bombs in academic papers, so they stuck with the title "what the hell effect." We're going to roll with it because this comes from Duke researcher Dan Ariely.
--:-- Mel Robbins: He writes about this a lot, and you want to know what's funny, Zoe? Even in Dan's writing and research, you want to know what he's quoting? He's quoting the situation where you have one slice of cake when your goal is to have no sugar. Even more than writing about it, if you research him, he has video modules that show somebody who is trying to cut out sugar struggling around a piece of cake. I swear to God, that's the example that he used, Zoe, when he was researching the what the hell effect.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'm raising this before I teach you the five simple systems that you can use to make habits stick, because I want you guys to go into these five simple systems knowing that if you screw up one day, you go a couple days, you go a week, you can still get right back on track. I need you to think that failing is not a big deal. You can recover, period. So Zoe, once you eat that piece of cake, just appreciate how delicious it was. Savor the moment, and then get up, walk around the house, shake it off so that you don't eat another slice. Recognize, "Oh, here's that what the hell effect. I'm not going to fall for it." Then get right back to your promise. Cut yourself some slack and keep going. That's all you need to do, Zoe.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There's one final thing I want to say to Zoe, though, and any one of you who has made a promise and within four hours, you broke it. Let's have an honest conversation here. Do you actually want to give up sugar? Do you actually want to exercise every day? Do you really mean it that this is the year that you're going to start that business? I'm saying that to you as a friend. We just did an episode on the science of goal setting, and I want you to go back and listen for real. If you're somebody who chronically makes these resolutions or goals for yourself and then within the first day or two, it's out the window—the reason why I'm asking you to go back and re-listen to the episode we did on the science of goal setting is because if this is a chronic pattern for you, I suspect that you're not in touch with why you want to stop eating sugar.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Remember in our goal setting episode, in order for a goal to be achieved, it has to have two components: the will and the way. The will means that this goal is personally relevant. You want to do it. I suspect, Zoe, that if you're already eating cake four hours into this thing, you're missing the will. That's not willpower, by the way. This has to do with intrinsic motivation. The reason why you're quitting so fast is because you're not in touch with why you want to quit sugar. Go back there. If you set goals and you don't have any why, you're going to fail before you start.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That brings me back to why on earth am I doing something called 75 Hard? What is my why? Why am I doing something so challenging? Identifying that is important. No, it's critical to me not bailing within a week this time. I want you to think about your why, whether that's eating keto or saving money or finishing the manuscript or becoming more organized or getting back out there and finding somebody to share life with. Whatever it is, get in touch with your why. It's important that you do that before I tell you these five science-based systems and hacks.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll tell you why I decided to do this mental fitness challenge. It's really simple. I'm doing this because this year I want to play an even bigger game in life and in business. I want to have a breakthrough in personal discipline. You might be thinking, "Mel, you already do so much. How does taking on even more in life make you more successful with the stuff that you already have to do?" I'll tell you why. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you want something done, ask a busy person"? That's because a busy person is already in a state of flow. They are busy. They have stuff going on. They have things to do. They're not sitting around on the couch scrolling through social media. They don't have a lot of resistance built up inside of them because they procrastinate all the time. If you hand them one more thing, boom, they'll just throw it right on the list that they're already driving through.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Even though I'm kicking ass and I'm taking names, there are areas where I am still slacking off and wasting time. I want to reclaim that time. I want to amp up my discipline and I want to put it to better use. That's why I'm adding a challenge that levels up my own discipline. This challenge gives me a reason to get out of bed even earlier. If I can begin my day by checking off a few boxes of personal discipline—check, I got my workout in; check, I drank my mason jar full of water already; check, I read my 10 pages of nonfiction—I'm rolling into my day with an amazing sense of momentum. When you have a sense of momentum, you know it's not present friction. When you're already rolling, you're not going to procrastinate. When you are up to something and you feel this sense of fulfillment that comes from just making a promise to yourself and checking the box and seeing yourself do it, it's pretty incredible.
--:-- Mel Robbins: If you know that you can rely on yourself to keep your promises because you're practicing this every day—you're getting up when the alarm rings, you're high-fiving the mirror, you're making your bed, you're putting on your exercise clothes, you're getting your body movement in, you're journaling, you're practicing your mindset, all before you start looking at social media or checking email—you can do that. You can commit to playing a bigger game in life and in business. You may look at something like training for a marathon or doing Whole30 or dry January for a month and go, "Oh, I don't have room for that." The truth is, you have plenty of room to add a challenge in. When you get laser focused about what matters to you and about how you're going to focus on your time, you're going to reclaim it. You're going to be amazed at how much time you actually have. You're also going to find this surge of power.
--:-- Mel Robbins: For me, taking on 75 Hard and just checking the boxes every day—I'm only a few days into this—and I am already so proud of myself. I'm all of a sudden looking at the year ahead. I'm like, "I'm going to write another book this year. We're opening up offices in Boston in two months, and they're going to be freaking awesome." Heck, I'm now inspired to build a tech platform. Just last night, I thought to myself, "I am so into mocktails. I am seeing the benefits of not drinking. Why don't I do something in this space?" There's not as many options as I would like, and this is a problem that I would love to solve in an area that I could get really creative. When you make room for something that creates discipline in your life, that allows you to make promises to yourself, it expands the way that you think about what's possible and what you're capable of in ways that are just outrageous. It's that simple. That's my why. Plus, a bunch of my family members are doing it this year, and I really wanted to be a part of it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The why is critical. So stop and think: why am I doing this thing? The goal that I want to have Mel's help sticking with, this habit that I really don't want to bail on. Why is this important?
--:-- Mel Robbins: 75 Hard for me, I should be calling it 75 Brutal. The truth is, I have not gone 75 days without having an alcoholic beverage since I started drinking when I was 16 years old. When I think about cutting out dairy and gluten—which is something I want to do because I get a lot of sinus congestion, and I'm curious to see if dairy or gluten is the reason—cutting it out for 75 days, I mean, that's what I eat for breakfast. Hello, cereal. Hello, oatmeal. Hello, coffee with cream and sugar. Hello, sourdough toast. Now I'm starting to wonder why on earth did I make myself do this? Oh, yeah, that's right. Because I'm tired of having sinus issues and I'm tired of having my gut feel funky. Here's what I figure: if I can make these six things—exercising twice a day, no alcohol, sticking to this diet, reading, water—for 75 days, you want to know what? I can do anything.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That leads me to yet another takeaway. If you feel stuck right now, if you feel like you're in a rut, if you just got dumped or fired or you're going through a divorce or you put on more weight than you've ever had or you're just feeling kind of lost in life, you have no clue what you want to do. Here's a tip from your friend Mel Robbins. If you don't know what to do in that situation, sign up for something challenging. Train for a marathon. Commit to doing something that feels hard as hell and that pushes you outside of your comfort zone. Something that forces you to add something new to your life, like a training run every single day, or a class where you're going to learn something, or a meditation challenge, or hell, 75 Hard.
--:-- Mel Robbins: How about this one? If you don't know how to swim and you're an adult, it would be pretty confronting to go to your local Y and sign up for an adult beginner swim class and learn how to swim, which is a life-saving skill. Or maybe you want to sign up for tango lessons. You've always thought about how fun it would be to dance in competitions. What's interesting about a challenge of something scary and hard is it forces you to level up every area of your life, because you won't be successful adding this challenge into your life and completing the goal if you don't change your life and your habits and the systems of your day-to-day life in order to be a person who can achieve this goal. It literally shocks you to your core when you sign up for a challenge. It reminds you, "I'm more powerful than I think. I'm not stuck in this situation or this shitty relationship or this dead-end job. I'm more powerful than I think." Just trying this online challenge or training for this marathon or this road race or this walking thing or whatever, it's getting me back in touch with me.
--:-- Mel Robbins: This brings me to the fun part. I got these new habits. Please, Mel, give me the five hacks. How the hell do I make these new habits stick? How do I create structure, discipline, and order in my life? It's very simple. You're going to use simple hacks. That's all you're going to do. You can call them systems. You can call them triggers. You can call them cues. You can call them structure. You can call them whatever you want.
--:-- Mel Robbins: My friend Amy, who you've heard on this podcast, has this term that I laugh about so much. It makes me think of belly buttons. She basically says there are two kinds of people in this world. There are people that are "innie organizers," and then there are people who are "outie organizers." Innie organizers are people who manage everything in their head. That used to be me, thinking about it all the time. Outie organizers, you folks get your to-do list out of your heads and you're smart because you use systems outside your brain to keep you successful. Visual reminders, alarms, notes, to-do lists. We call these visual cues in habit research. You don't manage change in your head. You use external systems out of your head to help you stay on track.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I used to be an innie organizer, and I also have an innie belly button, in case you're wondering. I know that's a little bit too much information. I don't know why, but it's kind of intimate to share whether you have an innie or an outie belly button, but I have an innie. I blame it on the doctor who tied your umbilical cord. Yep. I often tell myself that if only the doctor who tied my umbilical cord—who happened to be my father, who was a medical resident at the time—I blame my father for the fact that it doesn't matter how much I exercise. I have a hamburger bun belly button. It's like a flat line. I say to myself, "If he had only tied the knot tighter, I would have one of those amazing round belly buttons that are like the size of a nickel that some people have." I've always wanted one of those. No, I'm not getting surgery. So I have an innie flat hamburger bun belly button. That's not what I was supposed to be talking to you about.
--:-- Mel Robbins: An innie organizer is somebody who tries to stay organized in their head. You have to be an outie organizer. That's what you have to be when it comes to habits. You have to use systems, post-it notes, alarms on your phone, a notebook that you carry around, a chart that you create and hang on the wall. If you are serious about making change stick, get it out of your head and stick it in front of your face. Why? Well, remember, in the episode we just released on the science of habits, there are only three parts to a habit based on all of the research. Habits science has never changed. The cue, the behavior pattern, and the trigger. That's it. You have to figure out systems to have the cue or the trigger outside of you. When you start to figure out how to get the cue—the thing that signals the new behavior—outside of you, get it out of your innie head and get it out into the world. When you start to do that, that's the secret to making behavior stick.
--:-- Mel Robbins: What you're going to learn is going to blow your mind, because I know that when you're trying to change, you're keeping it all in your head and you're not using systems outside of you. You are frustrated, like Ann is.
--:-- Ann: [Audio clip] Hi, Mel, it's Ann. Here's my question. I'm wondering why it is that I find it so hard to break through some daily habits and do things differently. Why I can't stay consistent in my daily tasks. I just feel so frustrated with myself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll tell you why you're frustrated. The same reason why every innie organizer is frustrated: because you are trying to stay consistent in your head and you are not using simple systems and simple physical cues to keep you organized and to keep these changes top of mind. That's it. I used to be like that too. Not anymore. I use systems because I'll be damned if I do not complete the 75 Hard challenge, especially since I'm doing it with my husband, who's doing it now for the third time. He's leading a group of people from around the world through it. My daughter's also in, her boyfriend is in, and so is my brother. There is no way I'm letting myself fail. And I will fail if I do it like I did last time, if I rely on my own mind and do this like an innie organizer. Not doing that. I am getting out of my head and I'm getting into my systems. And so are you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: We're going to take a short break. We're going to hear a word from our sponsors. Then I'm going to come right back and I'm going to teach you the five simple systems that I'm using right now.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Welcome back. We're talking about the five simple systems that are going to help you make new behavior change stick. System number one, and this is the Mac Daddy of outie organizing: make it visible. By "make it visible," I mean put it in front of your face. Instead of rearranging your mind and your mental to-do lists, rearrange your house and your environment to support you in remembering your goals and achieving your habits. That's how you make this stick. You make it visible. You make it obvious.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let me give you a list of some of the things that I've done. First, I have the list of all of the things that I need to accomplish in this challenge taped to my mirror above my bathroom sink. Why is it there? It's the first thing that I see in the morning, and it's the last thing that I see at night. Here's another example of a way to make the habit or the goal visible. My water bottle and the nonfiction book that I'm reading, I put that by the coffee maker every single night. It is sitting there in the morning. Why? Because I can't miss it. It's obvious. I walk in, I go to make my coffee, boom, there it is. It's like, "Hey, don't forget to drink the water. Hey, read that book. Don't pick up the phone." Do you see how much easier I made that on myself? Instead of having to go in my head and be like doing mental gymnastics—"Don't pick up the phone. You remember, you got to read the book. I don't want to read the book." It's sitting right there. I can't ignore it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's another way to make things visible to support yourself. We have this little beverage fridge. Normally it's got a ton of beer and wine in it. You know what's in it right now? Not beer and wine. It's now stocked with kombucha, non-alcoholic beer, awesome non-alcoholic spirits, all kinds of spindrift and seltzers and Topo Chicos, all the non-alcoholic stuff that I love to drink. Why? Because then when I feel a little craving and I go to open up the little beverage fridge because I'm going to sneak—because I'm sneaky and I'm a rebel and I only made it a week through the challenge last time, so God knows I'm going to want to sneak it sometime—what do I have? The stuff that I don't want to drink. But the thing that I need to drink is right there. It's visible.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's another way that I make the habit visible. Every night before I go to bed, I lay out my exercise clothes on the floor. It is a giant middle finger to myself, because you want to know what? When I wake up in the morning, do I want to work out? Do I want to have to work out outside? Hell no. It's 37 degrees and raining in Vermont right now. Who in their right mind wants to go outside? But when I wake up, it's visible. It's outside of my head. It's in my face. It is reminding me, "Oh, there's that promise that you regret that you made, Mel." Then I have to remind myself of my why as I'm pulling on my tights.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The question is, why does this work? Let's turn to research from Harvard Business School. This research from Harvard Business School shows that when we make decisions for our future selves, we make better decisions. Let me unpack this for you. When you wake up in the morning and you have all your habits and goals in your head, it's the old you. You have a decision to make in the morning, right? "Do I feel like exercising? Do I even remember I need to exercise? It's sleeting, horizontal, disgusting, 37-degree rain outside. Do I feel like exercising?" If you are in your head making a decision in real time, you are likely going to make a bad decision. "I don't want to exercise, so I'm not going to. I'll do it later."
--:-- Mel Robbins: But when you make decisions for your future self—and that's what you're doing when you literally take the time to put a post-it note on a mirror, that's what you're doing when you take the time to pull all of the booze out of the fridge and stock it instead with better choices, that's what I'm doing when I put the clothes on the floor—I am making a decision as my future self. I am saying, "I know Mel Robbins well enough to know at some point this woman is going to have no willpower. She is going to be weak. She is going to be desperate. She is going to be emotional. So I need to make a decision for the future Mel Robbins, the Mel Robbins that wants to change." When you think from that point of view and you set yourself up for success by making these things visible, you win. According to Harvard Business School, you make better decisions when you think about who is the future you and what would that person do.
--:-- Mel Robbins: The night before, plan out as many decisions as you can. That means put the water bottle by the coffee maker, set the journal out where you're going to see it, lay out the clothes, put the phone in a different room so that it's not there to look at first thing in the morning. These are things that you can do as the future you. What would the person who already lives this lifestyle be doing? Act like that version of you. When you set yourself up and make all this stuff visual, here's the other cool thing that happens. You reduce what's called decision fatigue the very next day. You're taking advantage of this planning for your future self.
--:-- Mel Robbins: There's a third benefit. I love this. It lowers activation energy. We talked about this in the episode called "Motivation is Garbage." Activation energy is just a fancy term that means how much fuel or energy does it take you to get started on something. Activation energy is the force that you need to apply to doing something. I'll go back to the example. It is so much easier for me to get going when my exercise tights are on the floor next to my bed. Duh. It is so much easier for me to get my water consumption done, to drink that big first thing of water, if it's sitting out waiting for me. Duh. Because it takes a lot more energy, right?
--:-- Mel Robbins: A lot more force, a lot more fuel for me to not only haul my ass out of bed, but to remember I need to put on exercise tights and to pull open the drawer and to figure out which pair to wear and then to pull them on and then to look at the jog bras and then to decide if I need a sweatshirt or I need a this. I've had to burn through fuel just to figure out what freaking outfit to put on. By making decisions for my future self and making it visible, boom shakalaka people, this is easy. I am setting myself up for success.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Here's another powerful way to make things visible. Use the alarm on your phone. Seriously, this is a genius hack. Put the alarm on your phone to help you be your future self. It's like a reminder from the future, okay? Cake's done, get up, go check on it. No, seriously. Every single smartphone has the ability to set an alarm. And on the alarm, when you go to set the time, there's a label. Right now it says alarm. You can literally change the label to help you remember anything.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And here's what's super cool about a simple alarm on your phone. Research has found that twice as many people who received quit smoking messages quit smoking over a six-month period. So these little systems, like setting an alarm in your phone—whether you're reminding yourself to take the vitamins that you want to be taking, or you're reminding yourself to get outside for the run, or you're reminding yourself to spend 30 minutes working on a project that you wanted to get done—they're going to make you, based on the research, twice as successful, twice more likely. This simple stuff works. And it's not that hard. Not that hard to put a Post-it note on the mirror, not that hard to set an alarm in your phone, not that hard to set the water bottle out. But you've got to do it, okay? Simple systems work because your life is complicated enough. And if you can put that Post-it note up, you are setting yourself up for success. I'm telling you, it's true.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And that leads me to system number two. And this is the one that Mel Robbins has to use even more than "stick it in your face." And this is the opposite. Get it the fuck out of here. Okay. Remove the temptation from your sight. Get it out of here. Out of sight, out of mind. I wish that were true, because a lot of times you're going to find that even when you say, "Okay, that's it. I'm not going to eat gluten. I'm not going to eat sugar. I'm not going to eat dairy," it's still going to be on your mind, which is why it needs to be out of sight. So the things that you don't want to do, the bad habits that you have, the little addictions like your phone, let's make it harder for you to just slip into those things.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So let me give you some examples. If you don't want to drink, put the alcohol away. Get it off the countertop. Get it in a cupboard. Better yet, put it in the basement. If you need to get up early or if you want more sleep, here's what you need to do. Get your phone out of the bedroom. This one simple system—remove the phone from your bedroom—will change your life because it won't be there. You won't look at it in the middle of the night. You won't lie in bed and look at it. Get it out of your bedroom. You want to know why? You can't be trusted. Neither can I.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And I'm going to give you a really harsh example of this. Let's say the person you love the most has a really bad addiction. Let's just put it out there. They're addicted to cocaine, okay? You love them. They're trying. They're recovering. They're doing great. Would you ever put an eight ball on the bedside table? Of course not. You are more addicted to your phone than people who are addicted to cocaine. I'm not kidding about this. The research is very clear. And so anything that you have a problem regulating yourself with, get it out of your sight. It's an addiction. I'm dead serious about this because I am in that category when it comes to the phone. I know this intellectually. In my head, I know that I shouldn't be looking at my phone, which is why I've got to get it out of my bedroom so that I don't look at it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll give you another example. For the next 75 days, I'm gluten-free, dairy-free. Why on earth would I stock my fridge with the cheeses that I love? I'm not going to, because it would be torture. And look, if you can't remove it from your fridge because you have kids who drink milk or your roommates are all drinking alcohol, you can certainly stick the milk in the back of the fridge. You are within your rights to ask your roommates if they could just store the alcohol in the cupboard instead of on the counter so it's not in your face.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And here's what's so cool about removing it. The research shows that when you hack your environment this way—this is just a simple system—get it the fuck out of here, okay? Out of here. You only have to make that temptation a tiny bit more inconvenient for this system to work. They did this really interesting study at Google where they used to keep M&Ms in open bowls. And they were curious: what if we just switched up the system here? Instead of having M&Ms in open bowls, what if we put them in bowls that had lids on them? The candies are still there. You want to know what happened? Employees ate 3 million less M&Ms over the course of a year. Why? Because out of sight, out of mind. Making it just a tiny bit more inconvenient to get the candy had people often pass on it. And the candy wasn't so tempting because they couldn't see it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And this also proves what you've already learned. Decision fatigue is a real thing. Simply having to consider lifting off the lid before you reach the M&Ms created enough friction for people, enough of a pause, that it made them not do it. Just like you having to pull open the drawer and pick out your exercise tights often has you walk right past that drawer and not do it at all. So if you want to do it, stick it in front of your face. If you don't, get it out of your sight. Because I promise you, there is going to be a moment where you are going to get desperate and you are going to be wondering, "Why did I agree to do this thing?" You're going to be Zoe standing there at a lunch wanting to eat cake. Or you're going to be like Eric, and instead of turning that treadmill on, you're going to want to take your coat and launch it right on top of that treadmill. Or you're going to be like me this morning, as I am standing there in the kitchen making a cup of coffee, pouring this plant-based creamer into my coffee, and thinking, "I would kill another human being for whole milk right now." I even scrounged around in the fridge to see if there was any in there. I'm not going to lie. Not proud of that moment. It's a weak moment for Mel Robbins. I am way more addicted to my whole milk than I thought. Sadly, there wasn't any. But you know what? Not sadly. Thankfully, there wasn't any in there. I had no choice because I got it the fuck out of there. I know myself well enough that if I have an option to be a rebel and cheat, I will likely take it. And so I'm glad I choked down the plant-based creamer. And I've got 69 more days to go.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Okay, now let's go to another question. And this one comes from Jack.
--:-- Jack: Hey Mel, it's Jack. I've got a quick question for you. If I start setting goals, how do I know if I'm going to be successful? What's the biggest indicator or way for me to know that I'm on track?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Jack, great question. And it brings me to system number three. And I've got to tell you to brace yourself because this is going to sound ridiculously obvious, but the only way to know that you're on track is to track. Period. That's system number three. You have to track your progress. Again, let's go back to "in-e organizer" versus "Audi organizer." You are no longer allowed to track your progress casually in your mind. You need to get it outside your mind, which means you need a system for tracking progress.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so back to 75 Hard. I'm going to share with you my daughter's system, which I've stolen. What she did is she created this amazing grid on the wall using Post-it notes. For every single day of the 75 days, she wrote one through 75 and then created this giant square grid on the wall. And every single evening when she finishes the day, she pulls a Post-it note off. And pulling that Post-it note off—that is like a rip. That's like a yes. That gives you the dopamine. That is like a box checked. If you are a to-do list person, I love my boxes checked. I love my things in order. You will love checking boxes and keeping track.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Another example of this: tracking the miles you run on an app like Strava. Or maybe you can just make a grid on your computer and print it off, or find one on Google and print it off online. Checking boxes either on something you've printed off or on a habit tracker. I personally prefer paper because I'm 54 and I love—well, Chris, my husband's 53 today. So I had to think about, "Okay, wait, how old am I?" I robbed the cradle. He's 17 months younger than me. It really works. Okay. So I sometimes forget to log onto apps. You've got to understand yourself. You have to make these systems work for you. An app may be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you. For me, when it comes to tracking myself, it's got to be paper. I've got to see it right in front of my face, which is why I use my bathroom mirror. I will also use the wall in front of my computer or the refrigerator—places that I know I'm going to bump into it. For you, you may be fine doing it on your phone, on a computer, but that system doesn't work for me. So be flexible with this. Try things out. See what feels right for you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: But tracking your progress—this is not negotiable. Get it out of your head because there is foundational research here. See, you start to get addicted to keeping a streak. Think about Snapchat. "Oh, we've got a streak. I don't want to break the streak." Have you ever noticed that now everybody's all addicted to BeReal? And the second that notification goes off, people are like, "We've got to do our BeReal today. I didn't do my BeReal today." This is about streaks and not breaking the chain of progress. In apps and social media apps, they've gamified this natural tendency in psychology. And so you can do the same. Create a system that's fun for tracking yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And remember what I said at the very beginning, Zoe, my cake eaters, my sugar cutter-outers, my people who keep making promises that they don't know why they're doing it: get clear about your why. And remember, if you're doing a grid and you have a day off, first of all, you will know that it's a day off. Shake it off and try to get back on track tomorrow. Okay? We don't really want to see two or three days off in a row. But if you're tracking your progress—this is the other magic of tracking it outside your mind—you see it. And you're empowered to get back on track the next day so you can check that box. Love it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And look, I think it's obvious, but there's also research that's proven that the more often you track your progress, the greater the likelihood that you're going to succeed. And the chances of your success are even more likely if you report your progress publicly or you physically record it. This comes from Dr. Benjamin Harkin of the University of Sheffield, published in the Journal of Psychological Bulletin. Harkin and his colleagues—this is not some one-off study—they conducted a meta-analysis of 138 studies. And you know what that means to us real people here? It means that he took 138 studies on goal setting, and when they combined it all and crunched the data, they found that monitoring your progress toward a goal, no questions asked, increased the likelihood that you would achieve the goal. There's no arguing with me on this one, okay?
--:-- Mel Robbins: We've got two more systems to cover, but first I have to take a quick break. We've got to monitor our sponsors. Listen in, let's hear what they have to say. And then when we come back, we're talking system number four and system number five. I'll see you in a minute.
--:-- Mel Robbins: All right. Welcome back. So happy you're here. See, I'm monitoring your progress. You came back. Check. So we've talked about the first three Audi systems. Make it visible, right in front of your face. Get it out of your head, put it in front of your face. Number two: whatever you're not supposed to do, get it the fuck out of here. Okay. Let's just remove all temptation. You and I are friends. We know we're kind of rebels. We know we can't be trusted until we can be trusted. So let's just get it out of here. Number three: monitor your progress. Okay. We are serious about change around here, which means you've got to get it out of your head, get it on paper, get it in an app, and get public about it. Okay. Super important.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Let's talk about system number four. This is another way to get out of your head. Okay. Create a plan. I'm going to say that again. Create a plan. We are not talking kindergarten habit here, people. We are talking college-level, PhD-level habit-sticking systems. We're not screwing around. If you want to freestyle in your mind, you are not going to be successful. This is not jazz. We're not just going off the rails here. We are following the music score to the T. You need to plan, people. This comes from studies. Okay. You know, I'm throwing the science at you because a lot of times, when the stuff is common sense, yeah, I know we need to plan, Mel. Well, then why aren't you doing it?
--:-- Mel Robbins: So let me tell you the research. At UT Austin, they found you're going to be more likely to succeed at behavior change if you make specific plans to implement it. Now, I don't mean to insult your intelligence because I think this is obvious, but when you unpack an example of this, it becomes very obvious why you're failing if you fail to plan. So let's go back to 75 Hard and my promise and commitment to complete two workouts every single day, one of which has to be outside. It is critical that I plan ahead. Critical. I am fucked if I don't plan because I travel for work. And so I'm looking at flights right now for a 16-day business trip. And as I'm looking at flights, you know what I'm thinking? How the hell am I going to get an outside workout and an indoor workout in, and I've still got to fly from San Diego back to Boston?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Or here's another way that I'm planning. Tomorrow in Southern Vermont, we're going to have four inches of snow on the ground. And when am I going to work out? And what am I going to wear? And do I need the grippy things on my feet because the driveway is like a luge run right now? And what time of day am I going to do it? Am I going to get this done before four o'clock, which is when winter comes and the death eaters are here and it's dark as hell? Based on my schedule, I've got to plan this stuff because you know what, if I don't and I just start my day, here's what's going to happen. I am literally going to go, "Oh, I'll do it later." And then it'll be eight o'clock at night.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I've got to tell you a quick story about my husband, Chris, because this is when it occurred to me that I might be married to either a robot or to the world's most disciplined person on the planet. So Chris started 75 Hard for the third time well over a month ago. And so it was December 21st, and we had woken up in New York because we go there every year during the holidays to see a show with the kids—just one of our traditions. And Chris did his first workout in the hotel gym in New York. We then drove to Connecticut. We had lunch with his brother, and then we drove up to Boston where we were going to stay with his oldest brother and we were going to go to a holiday party.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Now, as we're driving to Boston, the weather gets supremely crappy. We are driving in horizontal rain. You can barely see, it's foggy as hell. And I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking, we are going to arrive 30 minutes after this big party has started. This party with all of our old friends where we used to live in Boston. I was so excited to go to this party. And I'm thinking in my mind, Chris hasn't gotten his outdoor workout yet. Could he maybe just stick his head out the window and do some face exercises? Like, could we do something? Could I like—what are we going to do? I want to go to the party.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll tell you what, this is impressive. The man said, "I have to get this done." I'm like, "But it is raining horizontal outside. It is dark. You don't know the neighborhood we're going to. There are no street—" He's like, "I don't care. I'm doing it." We decided to go to his oldest brother's house because he was getting this done. He said he would do this, and bad planning fucked him, but he was not going to let bad planning break a promise that he had made to himself. This is what integrity looks like. So we go—not to the party—but we go to his brother's house. And I sat inside because there was no way I was going to go to that party without him while I knew he was walking in the pouring horizontal rain. And he borrowed a pair of sweatpants from his brother, which were cotton, by the way. We're not talking performance gear here. And just this big old coat. And the man left and walked for 45 minutes at 7:30 at night in the horizontal 40-degree rain. And then he came in, toweled off, changed his clothes, and we drove to the party. In 26 years of being married to Christopher Robbins, I have never been more attracted to the man than I was in that moment. There is nothing sexier than a person who keeps their word no matter what.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And the way that you make it easier to keep your word is by planning ahead. Planning ahead is about looking at the week ahead. And if you're going to eat healthy, figure out what you're cooking for the week every night and then go to the grocery store. And if you're not going to be eating dairy or gluten like I am—this is new for me, I don't normally cook without dairy or gluten—this is requiring a lot of planning so that I don't just open up the fridge and hope that somehow this has magically happened and I'm going to be successful. Making a plan is a piece that's super obvious, but it's completely overlooked. You're thinking about what you need to do. Again, you're an "in-e organizer." Rather than getting out of your head and creating a plan out in the real world on paper. And the most basic plan at all is: look at your fucking schedule. Look at the weather. Look at what's in your fridge. Look at what your commitments are.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I'll tell you another quick story. It has to do with exercise. Day four of 75 Hard, just like Chris. I didn't make a plan. I exercised first thing in the morning, but I didn't make a plan for the second one. So 8 p.m. rolls around and Chris is like, "When are you doing your second workout?" And of course, I'm looking at the man that walks in torrential rainstorms without blinking an eye. And I'm like, "Oh, I already did my outside workout. I think I will stretch in front of the TV while we're watching Jack Ryan. How's that?" He put his hands on his hips. My daughter was sitting there too. And he's like, "Get on the treadmill. Go on. We'll wait." When I tell you, in 28 years of being with a man, I don't think I've ever wanted to kill him more than in that moment. But he was right. Failing to plan is planning to fail.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So let's go back to Zoe. Hi, Zoe. Slice of cake. Four hours in. Don't make yourself wrong. You know what went wrong there. Either you really don't want to give up sugar, or you just failed to plan. So if you're planning on cutting out sugar, what's your plan when you go to a party or a restaurant and cake is being served? This is what's called if-then planning. And it's research by Heidi Halvorson, who wrote about this at Columbia University. And if-then planning is a way to keep yourself on task by creating a backup plan if your current plan doesn't work. And here's what's really cool about if-then planning: if-then planning boosts your ability to stick to goals from 39% success to 91% success. If it rains, then I'll do this. If I miss my flight, then I'll do that. If I'm going to a party and I've committed to Dry January, then I'm just going to bring a non-alcoholic beverage. If a friend invites me over for dinner, then I'm going to email or text them back and say, "I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut out gluten and I don't want to be a pain in the ass and have you fuss about me. So can I bring something that's gluten-free to supplement what you're already making?" Because let's face it, if you don't plan ahead, if you don't make an if-then plan, you feel embarrassed. And then you either push your food around your plate like some weirdo, or you eat and you break the promise to yourself.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So: If I don't get exercise done tonight, then I'm not going to binge-watch TV tonight. I'm going to get my exercise done instead. If you didn't give yourself enough time to get that side project done this morning, then you're going to finish it at 7:45 tonight after you put the kids to bed. Bada bing, bada boom. Pretty cool, right?
--:-- Mel Robbins: All right. Now let's get to system number five. Do it in the morning. There you go. Do it in the morning. It's that simple. As much as you may want to bitch about being a morning person or getting up earlier, getting up earlier, getting the most important stuff done in the morning—this is the keys to the kingdom. It really is true. Being an early riser is like a first domino that falls. And once that domino falls, you've gotten yourself out of bed an hour, a half an hour earlier, all these other dominoes fall in your life. And I get it. It's hard to do. And one huge way that's going to make a big difference—and you hear me talk about this all the time, and it's because this is one of these domino habits, you do this and it triggers a whole line of change—get your phone out of your bedroom, period. It's a huge way to hack this.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And you want to know another way to get up early? Get a puppy, because they'll wake you up. They need to be let out. And I've learned this one: you get a puppy and you'll be a morning person. Another one: marry somebody, date somebody, sleep with somebody who gets out of bed early. Live with somebody who has a great morning routine. And look, it's not just common sense, it's science. Number one: your willpower is the highest in the morning. Number two: your speed of processing is highest in the morning. Your ability to focus is highest in the morning for the first four hours of the day. And by the way, it's likely to be the time of day that you have to yourself. The time that you can actually control before other people, little people, furry people, and all the commitments at work start taking up your attention and your time.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And yeah, I get it. You've got toddlers. Well, that means if you're serious about this, you are going to have to get up a half an hour earlier before they get up, which means you're going to have to go to bed a half an hour earlier. But aren't these new habits and a better lifestyle and feeling in control of your life—isn't that worth it? That's your why. Because if you can get an extra hour every morning, you can get everything done. You can do all the little things that the future you put in place for you. You can read the Post-it note on the mirror. You can drink the bottle of water that you set out. You can write in your journal that you put in place on the table in the kitchen. You can pull on those exercise tights that you laid out. You can spend an hour getting things done.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And if this sounds great, but you're sitting there going, "But Mel, I'm not married to or dating or living with anybody that's a morning person. And I have not seen a morning routine since high school when I was forced to get out of bed because of my parents." Don't you worry. Your friend Mel Robbins is here to help you. I believe so much in the power of mastering your mornings, of being able to get out of bed, that I want to help you do this. How about for five days in a row, you and I wake up together? How about I support you in getting up and not hitting the snooze button, getting up and feeling more energized, getting up and getting the 30 minutes, the hour that you deserve to start chipping away at these changes that you want to make, to put these systems in place? You do not have to do this alone.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And so here's how I want to support you. I want to be there for you for the next five days, because for the next five days, I want you to put this advice that you've just listened to into action. This is not a listening podcast. This is a doing podcast. So let's do something together. Go to melrobbins.com slash wake up. That's melrobbins.com slash wake up. I have a five-day free challenge where I will show up in your inbox as soon as you sign up for this. And for five days in a row, I am going to coach you, support you, cajole you, and kick your ass out of that bed every single morning so that you can have the time and the energy that you deserve to make these changes happen in your life. That's what I want to do. This is free. You deserve this. You're going to love it. You're going to join tens of thousands of people who are going through it right now. And I cannot wait to wake up with you starting tomorrow morning. Okay?
--:-- Mel Robbins: And honestly, getting up earlier so that I could get organized—this has been the secret to my second attempt at 75 Hard. And look, I get it. I'm only six days in. I'm working these systems that I just shared with you like a mother, let me tell you. But getting up earlier, getting organized, getting a start on the day—this has been the secret. Because six days in last time was about when I quit. I was like, "This is too much. I can't do this. I can't fit this in. I'm going to bed." Six days in, this feels not easy, but it feels like, "Okay, I got this. I got my systems. I got my head down. I'm just going to keep on plugging away at this." I'm getting the photo done. I'm getting the outside exercise done. I'm getting that done in the morning. And look, it's not a cakewalk, but it's getting done.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And here's one more bonus that I want to give you. Okay. You want to supersize all this? You really want to get outside of yourself? You really want to be an Audi organizer when it comes to changing habits? Holy cow. Could you please stop doing this in your head alone and get out there and get a friend and do this with? Whether you are texting somebody every day to check in, or you're jumping on Peloton and you're high-fiving people, or you're in a Facebook group—I've got to tell you, the power of a community of people, whether it's your sisters or your high school friends, or it's your neighbors, or it's a group of strangers that are organizing themselves on a text chain—it's incredible.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So Chris is doing 75 Hard for now the third time. It's not even like a challenge for him. This is just his core habits. And he is leading a huge group of people through this from around the world. And he has this amazing text chain going on WhatsApp from people around the world. So every single day when I wake up, after I look in the mirror and I give myself a high five and I check the list and I start checking things off, when I finally look at my phone and I see what's going on in this WhatsApp group, it's freaking unbelievable. It is so motivating to see other people outside me, outside of my little tiny town here in Southern Vermont, outside of my own little brain, outside of my own little bullshit. Seeing all these other people out there doing it.
--:-- Mel Robbins: In fact, just two days ago, there was a woman in Iran on this WhatsApp text chain with a video of her morning walk out in a park in Iran, just talking about how motivating it is, especially with what's going on in her country with women's rights, to be focused on behavior changes that she can make to tap into the power in herself. So when I'm sitting here in the pouring rain in Vermont bitching about stupid things, it's sort of like, "Oh, for God's sakes, Mel, get over yourself. Get your ass out there. Stop chirping about the stupid stuff." Give me a break. Doing it with people in an online group, doing it with friends in a text group chat, doing it with family members—that's what it's all about. The encouragement of people outside of you will tap into the crazy, awesome, intrinsic motivation inside of you for why you're doing this.
--:-- Mel Robbins: I know. You're welcome. It's so good, isn't it? Super simple. Six simple systems to make you an Audi organizer. And with simple systems, you're going to learn very quickly: "Oh my God, I'm not the problem. The issue was I was in my head. And once I got out of my head and I got all the bullshit I'm not supposed to do out of my house and out of my vision, and I put it right in front of my face and I got one or two or three or a hundred other people to do this with me, I feel fucking awesome." And I love that for you because you deserve to feel awesome. And so do I. So how about we make each other a promise? Let's just keep chipping away at this day by day. Let's focus on some systems. If you have great ideas for systems, would you share them?
--:-- Mel Robbins: Please tag the podcast online, share about what you're learning online. I would love to hear. I would love to learn from you in terms of my own arsenal of systems, because you're probably way more creative than I am.
--:-- Mel Robbins: So you got everything you need. I want you to try these systems. I want you to let me know how they're going. Do not forget that I am going to be there to wake up with you five days in a row if you go to melrobbins.com/wakeup and get your butt into this challenge so I can challenge you to be your best.
--:-- Mel Robbins: And one more thing, in case nobody else tells you, I want to tell you I love you. I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to get out of your fucking head and to create these systems to support the changes that you want to make because you fucking deserve that.
--:-- Mel Robbins: That's right. You heard me say that. You fucking deserve that. All right. Go do it. I love you.
--:-- Mel Robbins: Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
